Bad "walks into a bar" jokes

Capt'n Midnight

A virus walks into a bar.
the bartender says "We don't serve viruses in this bar."
The virus replaces the bartender and says "Now we do."

A infectious disease walks into bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve infectious disease in this bar."
The infectious disease says "Well, you're not a very good host."

Two bacteria walk into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve bacteria in this bar."
The bacteria says "But we work here! We're staff."

A room temperature superconductor walks into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve any superconductors in this bar.
The room temperature superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance.

A infrared photon walks into a bar and says "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

A neutrino walks into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve neutrino in this bar."
The neutrino says "Hey, I was just passing through."

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar.
And didn't.

The Higgs boson walks into church.
The Priest says "We don't allow Higgs bosons in here"
The Higgs boson says "But without me, how can you have mass?

A statistician walks into just your average bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve statistician in this bar."
The statistician says "Well, you're just mean."

A some helium gas just drifts into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve noble gases in this bar."
The helium didn't react.

Little Acorn

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar.
And didn't.

That's the best one.:D

AlmightyCushion

Those are awful. Still made me laugh though.

Akrasia

i don't get them

amen

sad but funny. had to think about some of them though

FarmerGreen

This scientific bloke walks into a bar.
Before getting his drink he declaims to all the regulars a scientific joke he just made up.
Stunned silence.
As the Guinness is pouring oh so slowly he hears an old lad whisper 'ah sure he's only here to meet up with his girlfriend'
His mate, on holliday from CERN says 'bollox, the only date that old cnut will ever get is a carbon one.'

Absolutely true. Well, theoretically possible anyway.

tony 2 tone

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Two bacteria walk into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve bacteria in this bar."
The bacteria says "But we work here! We're staph."

A guy walks up to a barman in London.
“Can I have a pint of adenosine triphosphate?”
Barman: “Sure, that’ll be 80p”

Conor108

One day Heisenberg went for a drive and got stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."

Psychedelia

these are brilliant! keep going!!

Akrasia

This guy comes into a bar lookin all messy and roughed up
The barman asks him is he ok
the guy says you wouldn't believe the trouble I had getting here, had to travel from another part of the universe through a black hole
Barman goes, get out of here, I don't believe that, it can't be true, is it?
Guy says, yeah, mostly, but it was a bit of a stretch....


I'll get me coat

Akrasia

This guy was in a bar, a bit drunk and said to the barman.

Do you know, in a hundred years we'll probably be able to take that stack of beer mats over there and re-arrange them at the sub-atomic level until they become a farmyard animal.

Barman said, I don't think so, to which the drunk replied, well if it looks like a duck, and it quarks like a duck, then it is a duck...

questioner

a german scientist walks into a bar.

he is an alcoholic and its destroying his family.



(ok i added in the scientist bit because its the only "man walks into a bar " joke i know )

ixoy

Excellent. I'm also proud of the fact that I got them all and only had to think about some of them for a couple of seconds

Sid_Justice

took me ages to get the atp one

bazza1

fx= (x+1) walks into a bar and asks for a pint and a sandwich. The barman says "Sorry we dont cater for functions in here!"

tony 2 tone

How many moles in a bowl of gucamole?
Avocados number
Classified ad: Do you have mole problems? Call Avogadro at 6021023.

What is the name of the molecule bunny-O-bunny?
An ether bunny

What is the chemical symbol for the runs?
(CO(NH2)2)2

di-urea hurr hurr hurr

Einsteins favourite Limerick.
There was an old lady called Wright
who could travel much faster than light.
She departed one day
in a relative way
and returned on the previous night.

What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
Pull down its genes.

Winty

Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. "I can't serve you." says the bartender. "You're Bard!"

Antrim Hotels

Two guys walk into a bar...
You think one of them would of seen it.

lonestargirl

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender "How much is a beer?"
The bartender says "For you, no charge"

El Siglo

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar... and doesn't...

entropic

x^4, Sin(x), Cos(x), Tan(x) and e^x are all at a party having a great time except e^x who is in the corner on his own.

Sin(x) goes over and asks, "Hey, why don't you integrate"

e^x replies, "It won't make any difference"

UnknownSpecies

Two atoms walk down the street together, one turns to the other and says "I think I've lost an electron!", the other replies "Are you positive?".

elchupanebrey

A horse walks into a bar, the barman goes "Why the long face".

El Siglo

i2=−1 walks into a bar and the barman says; "couldn't imagine you in a place like this."

garancafan

Chap walks into a bar called "the Average" and asks for a beer. "Sorry mate" replies the barman "our licence was revoked last week - we're now an ex-bar".

djpbarry

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

worded

Two packets of peanuts walked into a bar.
One was a salted.

OI

Two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen atom walk into a bar together. Barman says "you're ok oxygen, but your two hydrogen friends will have to leave" The hydrogen exploded. It was gas really.

thebouldwhacker

A telescope walks into a smoking room, he looks around and there is a black hole sitting in the corner. 'Sorry' said the telescope 'can I get a light off you?' 'No' said the black hole.........





sorry:o

irlpic

Mongo says to the bartender -

there are only 10 types of people in this world,
those who understand binary and those who dont.

gentillabdulla

Black hole goes into a bar.

He sees a girl he is attracted to.

He says...

"Hey everyone knows that what happens in the event horizon stays in the event horizon."

Scuid Mhór

three men walk into a bar.

you'd think one of them would have seen it.

Jokesetal

Not scientific but....
A three legged dog walks into a bar, goes up to the barman and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw...."

Man walks into a bar with a battery and some jump leads.

Barman says " don't you start anything"

Kxiii

A brain walks into a bar
Barman says i'm not serving you your out of your head.


If the chemical symbol for water is H2O, is the symbol for holy water H2OMG