Being surprised at people's impression of you

By the time you get to early adulthood, I think you usually have a good idea of how other people perceive you. You get a lot of the same type of comments - if you're a quiet type, you get a lot of 'you're so shy' or 'you never talk', if you do well academically, you get 'you work so hard' or 'you're clever' etc. But sometimes someone says something so completely unexpected, something you've never heard before and you can't believe they could think that because it's the absolute opposite of what you've always heard, good or bad.

For me, it was being called immature by the mother of the kids I nannied for when I was 19 - a real WTF? moment as I've always been mistaken for much older than I am, behaviour wise. Another one more recently was impatient, that really hurt because I'm a teacher and always considered patience one of my good points. The worst one was being called a bully for standing up for my opinion (IMO) :eek: That really shocked me because I was bullied when I was younger and was never, ever the bullying type, never joined in any picking on anyone and I hate making people feel bad, even accidentally.

More pleasant ones have been someone saying I was friendly and sociable (had social anxiety for ages so that was one of the nicest things I could have heard) and that I was conscientious and hardworking (always think I'm lazy and could do better).

What about you?

old hippy

It doesn't really bother me what people think of me. It's all subjective, right?

Especially, it has to be said, online. People are not entirely themselves online and comments can be made about others that they wouldn't dare say face to face.

Don't take it to heart when people make a critique of you - often or not, the problem lies with them, IMHO.

LadyMayBelle

Mine's a bit off beat and is daft, but the amount of people who have said to me 'I thought you were a smoker!'...

Of course I went mental thinking have I yellow nails/teeth?? Do I smell of smoke? But no one is my house smokes and I have never in my life.. I have just been told I look like the kind of person who smoked!

I got rid of my hippy-ish clothes straight away, thinking that was an indicator

I was also very hurt when someone close to me called me a fake. That really hurt and I still feel it twinging away at me. It came after a incident where for the first time in my life I felt I stood up for myself and made my point known, rationally and clearly. The other person didn't agree obviously and because they hadn't seen me like this before branded me a fake. They didn't like the now me because I disagreed with their principles and reasonings behind it, altho I still respected them. That really, really hurt.

old hippy

old hippy wrote: »

It doesn't really bother me what people think of me. It's all subjective, right?

Especially, it has to be said, online. People are not entirely themselves online and comments can be made about others that they wouldn't dare say face to face.

Don't take it to heart when people make a critique of you - often or not, the problem lies with them, IMHO.

Of course it is. I just thought it was an interesting topic - how people view you as opposed to how you view yourself. And I'm talking about in real life, not online, as indeed you can't really see someone's true self on the net.

old hippy

[quote=[Deleted User];65177674]Of course it is. I just thought it was an interesting topic - how people view you as opposed to how you view yourself. And I'm talking about in real life, not online, as indeed you can't really see someone's true self on the net.[/QUOTE]

It is an interesting topic, don't get me wrong. In real life (and prob here, too) we all like to think the best of ourselves, when in reality we are as prone to making as many mistakes as the next fellow. And making mistakes is good, if we feel bad about ourselves, it keeps us in check. I can be a complete dick at times & if people pull me up on it - well and good.

LadyPennyworth

LadyPennyworth wrote: »

Mine's a bit off beat and is daft, but the amount of people who have said to me 'I thought you were a smoker!'...

Of course I went mental thinking have I yellow nails/teeth?? Do I smell of smoke? But no one is my house smokes and I have never in my life.. I have just been told I look like the kind of person who smoked!

I got rid of my hippy-ish clothes straight away, thinking that was an indicator

Haha, I've had that as well, I used to have a few piercings and dyed red hair so people must have thought 'smoker!'

I was also very hurt when someone close to me called me a fake. That really hurt and I still feel it twinging away at me. It came after a incident where for the first time in my life I felt I stood up for myself and made my point known, rationally and clearly. The other person didn't agree obviously and because they hadn't seen me like this before branded me a fake. They didn't like the now me because I disagreed with their principles and reasonings behind it, altho I still respected them. That really, really hurt.

Yeah, I get that sometimes. Or 'you pretend you're so nice'. Eh, I am nice, but I'm not a doormat. If someone's being a d*ck I'm not going to take it like an idiot. Some people think nice/gentle = pushover and get very aggressive when they realise it isn't so!

Jemmy

A few people were quite shocked that I had a tattoo..

'Oh you didn't seem like that tattoo type'

Em ok not sure why but grand and yes I am! :-/

LadyMayBelle

I think things are changing nowadyas thought thanksfully with regrads people takng their impression of you fom the clothes you wear; years ago in secondary school, having bright dyed hair and piercings meant you liked metal, if wore slightly hippyish clothes and dreads you smoked and probably juggled But nowadays having piercings and dyed hair it more than likely means you like Paramore, taking myspace photos and like Twilight

Ah alas, a judgment in itself, but it's a lighthearted one

Edit: Didn't mean you directly OP but you know what I mean!

Jinxi

Recently, I had another couple over with my partner and I and we all had a few drinks. However we got aound to it we were talking about that show "King of Queens" and I aid how I hated the lead character because she was mean and pushy and how it was unrealistic that her husband would put up with being constantly put down like that.
The other couple started smiling and shared a knowing look and burst out laughing. When it was obvious I was really hurt they started apologising profusely....not a nice moment but made me realise how judgemental you can be when looking on a realtionship from the outside(still in complete denial here obviously:()

Neyite

a friend once told me i dont do eye contact- it was a bad habit born out of shyness i guess, i had no idea!, but once i checked myself, she was right. now i worry im the opposite - the scary starey girl!:D

told over the phone by a regular customer i sounded plump. at the time i was 7 stone. that one was strange!

Morgase

I worked on a building site for about a year and a half. For some reason, I had a reputation as being a real goody-two-shoes and a teetotaller. The other site engineer that I worked closely with (a good friend of mine) found this hilarious, as I really am neither!

Must be my face!

Das Kitty

I must have a reputation for being a bitch. I'm only going on people's reactions when they actually get to know me.

I know I don't take any BS and will call people on it (although not in a horrible way, I just prefer to challenge an opinion to someone's face rather than bitch behind their backs) and that's probably why people take that view of me. I remember one friend being surprised by my loyalty when some stuff went arseways in her life, the fact that I had to tell her that she was my friend and I would do anything for her did sting a little. I wondered how she didn't already know...

Then there was my colleague at work who was almost afraid to ask me to cover for her when her father was in hospital, she was shocked when I told her that I'd cover for as long as she needed me to. I could see it in her face.

I'm very soft and kind and I take pride in being straight and honest with people.

On the plus side the above two examples are probably two of my closest friends now. Also no one dared pass remark on my wedding decisions, pregnancy or patenting style (so far anyway)!

Das Kitty

Oh yeah and I dress fairly boringly for the most part and people are always surprised that I'm crafty or that I like certain types of music.

In school the grunge kids thought I was faking when I said I liked Nirvana or Radiohead because I didn't dress the part! And my hippie cousin's chin nearly hit the floor when she ran into me at a Sigur Ros concert and again when I told her I'd been a fan since 2000.

G86

I was once told that I seem a bit stand offish, which really annoyed me because I'm not at all!! It's just if I don't particularly like someone then I won't make a huge effort to talk to them, I don't really see the point. I do make a conscious effort to come across more approachable now though!:)

I'm quite direct and blunt, which was sometimes percieved as a a bit cheeky/rude when I was younger, but as I've got older I do make a effort to be more tactful:o

I also know that alot people percieve me as being very strong willed/independent and think that I can cope with anything. I like that they think that, but it isn't entirely true all of the time.

Pyr0

Was told by a lot of people that I look very hard to approach and scary/pissed off all the time ? I like to think i'm a pretty nice guy.. Maybe I should smile more !

Edit : Stand off-ish was the word I was looking for ! Pretty much all of what G86 said applies to me !

beks101

Most of the time mine are pretty much spot on. What gets me though, is when some aspect of my personality has changed, and I don’t notice until someone comments on the way I used to be and it seems so out of character for the person I am now.

When I was in school I was really quiet, really shy, sort of kept my head down and got on with it and didn’t really confide in anyone if I had a problem – I’d just keep it to myself. As I’ve grown up I’ve totally shaken this off and now am really open, outgoing, generally feel the need to talk things out rather than bottling them up. But if I bump into people I went to school with I get a lot of ‘I can’t believe you actually talk now!’ and even my best friend will say things like, ‘because you know you…you’re so quiet’ , which amuses me!

Likewise, at college, I didn’t drink and didn’t go out much, was a bit of a hippie…whereas these days that has changed A LOT! Yet I still get the ‘Is Beks actually coming out?’ or ‘oh because you’re so floaty, I always expect you to say you’ll come and then not turn up…’ etc

Mackleton

A good friend told me recently, "You spend a lot of time inside your own head don't you?" He said this in a positive, offhand sort of way but it wasn't until he said it that he realised he was absolutely right. I do analyse things quite a bit but I didn't know that this was so obvious to others. I suppose we all think we are a bit more mysterious than we really seem to others.

Jemmy

Jemmy wrote: »

'Oh you didn't seem like that tattoo type'

hehe, I get this too. I'm soooo the tattoo type. I have 5 of them ffs :pac:

I haven't really had anyone say anything to me that shocked me. My husband once told me I was selfish which hurt like hell as I honestly believe I'm one of the least selfish people I know (which he agreed later; after he realised what was good for him )

What I have gotten is "you're very mature for your age" and then I point out that I'm not 19 :rolleyes:

princess-lala

I always get this,
Eh whats that in your mouth
Yes that would be a piercing
Oh I never thought of you as someone with piercings
Yes and I have tattoos too :eek:

Is there a certain look about you when you do have piercings and tattoos???

Nevyn

Constantly.

Limerickgal82

I constantly get told my people ( Managers etc) that i am negative when i stand up for myself i have to laugh at this because i always go out of my way to voice my concerns and give a resolution in a positive light :eek:

Also get called Bubbly my totally strangers and stand offish by other complete strangers and usually at the same function * bangs head of wall* :rolleyes:

--LOS--

for me, most typical would be about the music I listen to, I like rock/metal, wear the odd band shirt etc but for the most part I leave my black uniform at home , people feel the need to tell you they didnt think you'd be into that.

Dinkie

I get a range of different comments from:

You are soooo confident ....to your ditzy.... your very serious....

I'm none of these things... I just put on personas depending on whom I'm around.

In reality, I'm giggly, quiet and happy in my own company.

Stheno

I apparently sound very "OLD" on the phone, so much so that when people meet me they are shocked at how young I look

Chinafoot

Most people think I'm a bitch when they first meet me. I find that funny because I'm usually the one going out my of way to include new people and making sure nobody is ever left out of things like nights out, going for lunch, etc. I was bullied for most of secondary school so I hate seeing anyone being excluded, intentionally or not.

When people get to know they usually comment that I'm "mature for my years" and not afraid to stand up for myself.

sleepyescapade

Someone I used to be close to seems to think that I am submissive and weak and has/had an idea in their head of how I'll be in the future. I found this out in another way so can't talk to them about it. It's interesting as I don't think I'm like that at all, and if I was back then - well, people grow up/change

Definitely was surprised that that was their impression of me. Maybe they never really knew me

dammitjanet

People are often suprised I'm as young as I am, I'm 22 but i'm often mistaken for 26-28 (which, though deadly when i was a teenager, i don't care for now ).
I've been told I look lovely, sweet, innocent- no one ever sees me as the gamer rock nerd that I am....

vicecreamsundae

when i was younger with dyed hair and weirder clothes people would ask me if i could score them weed, when i was actually straight edge at the time!
i'm no longer straight edge, but people are still quite surprised that i'm not into drugs. i guess just cos it's so common these days though and maybe not so much to do with me.

and now, when i mention that i worked in a hardware store for 8 years people are always reallly surprised -which i don't get -i'm not a highlights/gel nails/highheels wearing gal or anything. but then, maybe it's just the fact i'm female in the first place.

i know some people think i'm shy or quiet when they first meet me, though i'll actually talk about anything and am opinionated once i've talked to someone one on one a time or two.

How Strange

I have a smiley face so people assume I'm really nice and easygoing which of course I am but often people don't like it when I stand up for myself because I don't look like I would. Then I get called aggressive which annoys me but it's alot to do with people's initial impression of me (happy, nice, easygoing even pushover) and the fact that my personality doesn't quite match it.

My family think I'm straight talking and independent and I do my own thing my way which I have to say has worked to my advantage at different times i.e. having a civil wedding. No-one, not even my granny who strongly disapproved, said anything to me other than wish us well.

Sometimes this also means people think I'm made of tougher stuff than I am so if someone does something mean to me it really hurts a lot. Deep down I'm fiercely loyal to my friends and family and would walk on water for them.

RacoonQueen

A lot of people in college thought I was shy, I wasn't, I just didn't like any of them. One of my lecturers picked up on that and just thought I was a bit of a stuck up bitch used to just refer to me as 'too cool' for things.

Sadly, even by the time I got to college people were still hung up on the 'brainbox' thing. I always did really well in exams, even without studying, then when I got good results in exams, did good assignments etc I got comments like 'do you not work? I don't have time to get my assignments done on time with work' Ehhh I worked 30 hours a week and did about 12 hours of training on top of college as well as keeping house.

And they wondered why I didn't like them... :rolleyes:

Sinall

Years ago I was told that I could seem a bit distant or stand-offish when people first met me - especially if I was focused on something at the time! Since then I made a huge effort to change that -because it certainly wasn't intended. I now probably look like a grinning loon!

Once a customer called me a bully for no apparent reason. As far as I know all I'd done was try to explain something to her. But she was convinced she wanted to have an issue with me and reported me to my manager. He then proceeded to lecture me about how unpleasant it is to feel like you're being picked on, in a real straight-out-of-the-manual sort of way. It really offended me since I went through some serious bullying during my teen years, I really wanted to put both of them in their place :mad:

spinandscribble

I think when you hear something ALL the time there's bound to be a grain of truth in it.

But when something comes straight out of left field, something new, unheard of, the opposite of what ppl usually, people who KNOW you say, more often then not the person saying it taking out something on you, like they're justifying something to themselves or putting their issue on you. IZZYDIZZY gave some good examples, all of the examples she gave could be contributed to the user wanting to believe something.

There's a girl i know who told me a few weeks ago i look down on people with less education then myself. There was no reason to say this, she just decided to tell ppl, including me what she thought of them, good and bad.
Now this knocked me for 6 at first since i've never felt this way, if anything I value life experience more then grades ect I've seen highly "qualified individuals" fail miserably in a workplace their "degree" prepared them for and saw people who never had a degree/LC do amazing.

I thought over anything i'd have said around her as I'd hate to think I'd alienate anyone but the more I thought about it, the less sense it made.

Then I realised something. She would be without a LC behind her. After that it didn't bother me anymore because I realised, she didn't know me very well, she probably has insecurities and she's just attributing things to people to justify her thoughts.

I wouldn't disregard everything people say but I know my flaws and strengths and I know what I need and do not need to improve on. I'll listen to what someone has to say but I think you need to self aware enough to smell the BS otherwise people will just tear you down.

old hippy

People see me as confident and a good mixer but I have to say, I've always been shy as heck. It's like an armour I wear, y'know? Only those who know me really well realise I'm shy.

spinandscribble

old hippy wrote: »

People see me as confident and a good mixer but I have to say, I've always been shy as heck. It's like an armour I wear, y'know? Only those who know me really well realise I'm shy.

I get that as well, but I know I don't want people to know how shy I really am so its my own fault for throwing their impression off

old hippy

spinandscribble wrote: »

I get that as well, but I know I don't want people to know how shy I really am so its my own fault for throwing their impression off

I don't care anymore, tbh. If people don't take it onboard and prefer to see me in another light, let them.

I have no problem speaking in public, or on a mic etc but I'm terrified at parties, dinners - that kind of malarkey :eek:

spinandscribble

at least they view you positively!

old hippy

spinandscribble wrote: »

at least they view you positively!

Heh. Some of the time, a chara. Some of the time

spinandscribble

spinandscribble wrote: »

I think when you hear something ALL the time there's bound to be a grain of truth in it.

But when something comes straight out of left field, something new, unheard of, the opposite of what ppl usually, people who KNOW you say, more often then not the person saying it taking out something on you, like they're justifying something to themselves or putting their issue on you. IZZYDIZZY gave some good examples, all of the examples she gave could be contributed to the user wanting to believe something.

Aww, I'm not that dizzy I think you're onto something there though, I've thought that myself about people seeing what they want to see. It can be easier for people to write you off as lazy or immature rather than look at themselves and the environment they're creating, or to say you're snobby and stuck up rather than face their own insecurities. I actually get the 'you think you're better than me cos you're more educated' from my mam's side of the family, and the thing is, I don't. I really don't. I enjoy academia and learning, but I've never thought of myself as an intellectual or better than anyone else and I know a lot of people see higher education, especially my subject, as a waste of time. I think that my relatives feel inferior or insecure because they left school at 16 and they're projecting that onto me, acting like I make them feel that way when I don't at all. I never even mention college and if I have to, I downplay my achievements. Yet they're constantly saying things like 'So-and-so made millions without finishing school' or 'you're in a lot more debt than I am with all your studying' - what point are they trying to make? It's really bloody annoying sometimes.

spinandscribble

Its somewhat cool to look down on education and always look down on the "swots" :P God forbid its not a instant money maker degree either otherwise they'll all really scratch their heads until they bleed.

I'm starting to care less and less of what people think of me, I never did as a teen and only lasted to care when I hit 20 but thank god I'm starting to care less.

oops wizzy NOT dizzy.

entropi

Pyr0 wrote: »

Was told by a lot of people that I look very hard to approach and scary/pissed off all the time ? I like to think i'm a pretty nice guy.. Maybe I should smile more !

Could be that whole i'm younger than i look thing you have going too, that shocks alot of people:p

G86 wrote: »

I was once told that I seem a bit stand offish, which really annoyed me because I'm not at all!! It's just if I don't particularly like someone then I won't make a huge effort to talk to them, I don't really see the point. I do make a conscious effort to come across more approachable now though!:)

I'm pretty much the same as described here, always misunderstood as being shy/quiet etc...

Always called "brainbox" in school because I paid attention alot and aced my exams, always the shy one because I wouldn't go trolling the local streets/pubs with mates for females. I didnt really care though, I am who I am, nothing less but can always be something more.

Pretty much anyone who gets to know me will like my company, I make friends easily and love meeting new people, yet I'll still get percieved as stand off-ish as it takes more than a first meeting to get chatting etc...

That being said, I can usually suss people out from a first meeting, have a good instinct like that lol

Dudess

People's impressions of me in real life tend to be pretty much what I am.
Although, I am considered very confident, which isn't entirely true - sure, I'm confident in a lot of ways but lacking confidence in others, as is the case with pretty much everyone. Sometimes it's assumed that if a person is confident in obvious ways and not shy, they must be confident when it comes to everything, but we all have our self doubts.

People's impression of me on Boards isn't really what I am - I'm considered confrontational and fierce at times (and which I don't like, because it's not true - but meh, if that's the impression I give, that's the impression I give) because I challenge posts that are, in my view, out of order/unfounded/just straightforward bullsh1t (NEVER simply because I disagree with something though). And I have the writing skillz... and am a fast typist.
But I'm not like that in real life because real life isn't a discussion forum and thankfully I rarely meet people in real life who say sh1t like "Down's syndrome people technically aren't human".

I think individuals can be a walking mass of contradictions, and that's human - there's nothing hypocritical about it. As the saying goes: "There's nowt so queer as folk".

tweety_bird

People tend to get the impression on meeting me that I am a quiet,shy girl. I wouldn't say that I am an introvert but I can be quiet on first meeting people as it takes me awhile to trust people. I do enjoy alone time which can be seen as me being a loner but I dont think that people realise this.

There are positives that people see me as friendly and genuine as I really do try to be for better or worse.

beegirl

It's funny I was just thinking about this earlier! I have got away with some load of stuff in my life because people think I'm not "the type" to smoke/do any other bad stuff that I can't necessarily mention here I must look all angelic and innocent or something, I'm not though heeheehee

The one I always get is people who knew me years ago would say "oh you're so quiet & shy"... people who only know me since adulthood are the opposite, if I referred to myself as quiet they'd say "WHAT!?! YOU? QUIET???" I still think of myself as fairly quiet/shy though, especially around new people!

Will

have had a fair few surprises in my life, sometimes down to others not giving me a chance, other times me being a bit reserved. Part of life. Not a huge issue, life goes on.

Catari Jaguar

Neyite wrote: »

a friend once told me i dont do eye contact- it was a bad habit born out of shyness i guess, i had no idea!, but once i checked myself, she was right. now i worry im the opposite - the scary starey girl!:D

Just look at their eyebrows!

In primary school I was seen as being afraid of my own shadow, goody two shoes, total social phobe (who isn't at 12?!) and was teased for being into reading and getting top marks. Never popular. Boys liked me more than girls (tom boy - has always been that way!)

I did serious thinking and evaluating and figured I'd have to go to a secondary school where no one from my old school went & reinvent myself. So I became quite ditzy, giddy and popular (which was easier as I became a teenage girl). On the surface I didn't care about school, school activities or taking part in class but in private my report cards always had good grades and said "concientious/ hard worker". I was always aware of everyone and everything around me. Some of the girls that reckoned themselves looked down on me (say I was a slut or a stoner - I was neither) or would try to make some smart arse comment they thought I wouldn't understand. I can take a bitch down quick though.

So yeah, then people thought I was shallow, rebellious and silly.

In college, a lot of lecturers saw me as anti social, introverted & depressed (!) because I was a bit of a rocker. Again, had to reinvent to what was acceptable to them.

Now though, I'm all grown up! I know who I am and I know who I need to be in other peoples eyes to get by. So maybe multi-faceted, give off different first impressions? I don't like people trying to label me (especially after reading some throw away comment made on boards!!)

iguana

My favourite strange impression someone has had of me was my 5 year old cousin's. She asked me if I had another mammy and daddy that she didn't know, instead of her aunt and uncle who she did know. As she knows she's adopted, and had just got a new also adopted brother, I thought she was trying to work out if everyone had different parents to those who they lived with. So I was trying to very carefully explain how I only had one mammy and daddy when she looked at me as if I was very silly.

No, no, she told me, everyone has to live with a mammy and daddy and you live in London instead of with them (my parents) so you must have another mammy and daddy there! I tried to explain that I was grown up and when you grow up you move out. She said that you only move out when you grow up and get married and as I was only a child I couldn't have a husband yet.

I was nearly 30 at the time and was left wondering exactly how childish I am that a 5 year old thinks I'm her peer.

Abi

I think I've reached a point where I don't really care what people think of me. I am what I am. Peoples comments about me in the past have been good and bad. I think the bad points are born from not really understanding why I say or do things. I'm always referred to as the life and soul of the party, a fun person and quick witted. The bad stuff would be irresponsible, reckless and sometimes undependable.

I'm actually a very complex, messed up person but I hide it well. I run from problems -this is something I know I do, and it has been said to me. I'm thirty now, and I don't know if anything will change me or my ways. But then, I don't think I've ever met the right person to set me on track. I really do think it would take someone else to straighten me out and help me make sense of my life. But it would have to be someone who understands me, my ex made me feel trapped and tried to force me into living a set way of life. He didn't understand me, and you know what they say about holding onto something too tight.


Anyway, I'm messed up and a lot of people don't see that side to me.

CATLAUGHS

Jemmy wrote: »

A few people were quite shocked that I had a tattoo..

'Oh you didn't seem like that tattoo type'

Em ok not sure why but grand and yes I am! :-/

well ye i got the same was at weddin and my neighbours saw i had a tattoo dey were shocked omg didnt know you were 1 of dem. I just said 1 of who the times r changin were free to have or wear wat we want.

minidazzler

I make EXCELLENT first impressions, I really do, people leave thinking I am nice, funny, confident and charming.

My second impressions, tend to err on the side of badness.

Fago!

I met someone last week and aling to them since then, I asked what was their first impression of me. They said I was genuinly nice, witty and cool.

I was surprised, because I'm not cool.