so how bad is it for a guy to find out his ex is doing his best friend?

christmasinjuly

yes harsh question but im curious? so men views are needed

Keano

There would be a number of factors for me.

Who broke up with who?
How long since the split?

PK2008

Its a line that shouldnt be crossed

Even if he says he's ok with it, its probably just to save face- a little part of him will never trust his mate again

smellslikeshoes

Really depends on the circumstances but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be too happy about it.

The_Kew_Tour

Yes agree depends on situation and how your relationship with this women is just before you knew about it.

You sound little annoyed otherwise why bother writing in here and if so then I think you have every right to be.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

PK2008 wrote: »

Its a line that shouldnt be crossed

Even if he says he's ok with it, its probably just to save face- a little part of him will never trust his mate again

I have to say, I agree totally with this post.

But there can be exceptions to a rule, but in this case, they would be very few and far between

Mackman

Definatly be a problem, even if my mate asked me before hand. I would probably say no.(but thats me)

But hang on, mates shouldnt even consider it, its one of the rules!!

Evolute

It first depends on if the relationship was serious or not.
If it was not serious once it isnt behind your back its fine everyone needs an auld poke.
That and to be honest if you think you own the person just because you went out with them thats pretty damn selfish

CDfm

There are no rules. You can't own a person and they are free to make there own decisions.

The friendship would end but if a guy was unfortunate enough to have a girlfriend and bestfriend that way inclined then I would say he is better off without them both.

It could be the best break he has getting rid of those too from his life and I imagine that they both would need to be insensitive,in which case,they deserve one another.

Galvasean

Well any good friend of mine would know my ex is stark raving mad. If he's foolish enough to go out with her after witnessing first hand what she can and often does do, then more power to him.
Personally, no matter how much I liked her I doubt I could go with a good mate's ex. It just seems wrong. The chances that your actions are hurting your friend are too great. Bros before hoes and what not.

Tail Wagger

christmasinjuly wrote: »

yes harsh question but im curious? so men views are needed

==========================================================

Thats how they get their names, Ex's

Thats why lads are called dick heads, because they think with their dick's!

Mackman

CDfm wrote: »

There are no rules. You can't own a person and they are free to make there own decisions.

its not about owning a person, its about respect for your mate and what your friendship means to them.

CDfm wrote: »

The friendship would end but if a guy was unfortunate enough to have a girlfriend and bestfriend that way inclined then I would say he is better off without them both.

It could be the best break he has getting rid of those too from his life and I imagine that they both would need to be insensitive,in which case,they deserve one another.

Exactly, if a mate breaks the rules, then he's not a proper mate, and he doesnt value your friendship as much as you might have thought.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

uglyjohn

of course it all depends on the detail of the relationship and time ie how long they went out for and how long ago they broke up but i would count it as a major betrayal and would not be able to look at them in the same light again.


also, are you asking about the act.....or about him finding out about the act?

Bottle_of_Smoke

Generally its not on. However, if I really had no feelings for the girl I think I'd be ok with it. Only been in one serious relationship though and if any of my mates was with her they'd cease to be my mate

source

I'd agree with most of what's posted here, it's not about owning the ex or about dictating who she can and can't be with, it's more about the trust that exists in a male relationship and the betrayal of that trust.

I have a mate who did get with one of my exes, we weren't all that serious and he asked me before he did anything, he was bricking it because he didn't know what way i'd react, fact of the matter is that we were only together for a month or two, and had broke up about 2 years earlier, I was with someone else for about 6 or 7 months and he went on to have a 5 year relationship with her. I was grand with it because i knew they worked better than me and her ever would. I would still consider him my closest friend.

The funniest thing is that the girl i was seeing at the time and the girl my mate got with wound up becoming the best of friends and still are to this day.

mack32

speaking as someone who's just out of a 4.5 year relationship, if one of my friends let alone my best friend got with my ex, they would cease to exist let alone be my friend!

kryogen

depends on

how long the relationship was

who ended it

how long its ended

how hot is she

generally its a no go area as a rule, but if it was a girl i didnt have strong feelings for i wouldnt be bothered, if the best friend had come to me first and told me he was gonna hit it then it would make it all the better rather then having to find out he doing it

Boston

I find this attitude that people have a claim on another person long after the relationship has ended strange. It's up there with "Me mate like her, so he gets first dibs".

That_Guy

People are able to pick and choose who they sleep with and who they don't sleep with. I know a lot of people have "rules" between friends.

As a mate I wouldn't dream of going out with one of any of my mates exes but I guess I could let it slide if I was in a serious relationship or married later on down the line. Then I'd say it's ok.

I've seen a ton of friendships fall apart due to supposed friends sleeping with their mates ex. It's not a nice thought but it's not a proper enforced rule and nobody should really be able to tell someone who they can and who they can't sleep with. It should really be out of courtesy to another friend.

Otis Driftwood

Depends.

If it was a serious relationship then it would be a no go area for me.

If it was a more casual thing then I probably wouldnt be too worried.

Star Lord

I think it all hinges on if the guy has moved on or not. If he's with someone new and is happy then it shouldn't be a problem. If he is still hung up on her, then it's no go.

If the guy has a new gf and still minds a mate getting with an ex, then there are some serious underlying issues that he should be looking at!

Snowie

It might be nice, that girl you where worried about who has bunny boiling type tendencies ....Latched on to your mate friends come snd go.......

G-Money

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like it though and wouldn't want it to happen to me. I think once a girl becomes an ex, you shouldn't have to see her again if you don't want to. Her going out with a close friend takes away that right. But I suppose it depends on the persons involved.

Either way, whether it was a short term or long term thing, I wouldn't want it to happen.

I'd also have to question the girls mentality if she starts going out with a close friend of an ex. Why can't she move on completely? I find it a bit strange when people seem to date in such a small pool. There's something Jerry Springer-ish about going out with someone then going out with their friend.

I mean imagine breaking up with a girl, even if I fancied one of her mates there's no way I'd consider going out with her. That's not to say I wouldn't want to, but I'd know it's unlikely to ever happen so I'd just move on. I also don't think it would be very fair on the ex-gf either.

thesultan

You'd have to ask George Harrison

congo_90

Friend done this to me.
He was a childhood best friend. We don't talk anymore.
Childish? no
To answer the op. It's bad. It's very very bad. A line never to be crossed

davy7

never go there. it just cant be worth it.

will have alot more to lose than gain.

just ask john terry!!!!

force majeure

Going against type here I must say that some emotional maturity is needed on the matter. Guys we cant all be such pussy cats when we break up with some one who if it happens goes with a mate then thats the way the world works, now if she were to marry my brother on the other hand I may through a little strop. :eek:

congo_90

force majeure wrote: »

Going against type here I must say that some emotional maturity is needed on the matter. Guys we cant all be such pussy cats when we break up with some one who if it happens goes with a mate then thats the way the world works, now if she were to marry my brother on the other hand I may through a little strop. :eek:

A good mate is like a brother only sounder and closer.
Having been in experience of a 'mate' taking a girl on me under the conditions. I handled it well and mature but believe the friendship had to end as a complete breakdown of trust came about too.

Dublin_Gunner

Its an unwritten rule, never to be broken.

Hence so few blokes admit doing it...

longhalloween

I think it depends on the circumstances.

Did they have a friendship or history before you started going out with her.

How long yous were broken up.

Were you a bastard to her and thats why she left you.

I think if the friend doesnt respect you then its more likely to happen.