Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

Kevster

margarite wrote: »

I actually do not have a problem with panic, what I have being told that I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder and slightly bi polar. The last dignosis came from one of the consultants that used to work in St. Pats. I have a fear of being misunderstood, being on my own, going out, misunderstanding people.

I was there myself at one point (St. Pat's). I was diagnosed correctly, but it wasn't the complete picture (if you get me). I feel that it is also up to us as patients to figure out what's wrong. Looking at us from the outside and only hearing what we say (as psychiatrists do) makes it difficult to accurately diagnose.

I did a lot of searching to figure out what syndrome I really have. My official diagnosis is only part of it.

Kevin

margarite

thrilledskinny wrote: »

Ah thanks for that Phi. Your actually right about the way we get it into are heads that we dont want to do certain things, I had thought of it like that, but work is such a big thing to not to want to do!! I take your advise on board. I've been trying really hard but will try my very best the next time, as I'm hoping I will succeed this time round. I'm going to tackle it right on the head this week. I'm going to counselling for help, and am going to get out the understanding cognitive behavouial therepy book i have and actually read it!!
Asking ye on boards was another thing I wanted to do as I know ye all know what its like and how hard it is. I'll hopefully be letting ye know how well I got on. I've just this one hurdle left and I'll be farely nearly back to my good old self tg.
Thanks again, I really really appriciate you taking the time to reply ;-)

No disrespect I did the actual course and found it hard to understand! it differs from person to person, it basically getting down to the nitty gritty means that I have to one thing at a time, mindfulness is what it is called i e following the is expected from me in a job doing one at a time and doing it well even if it means that I have to write each thing down that I am being asked to do, then when completed marking it off the list, and taking the next task make it an easy one and go on from there, soon after a little practice at doing this things or instructions will get easier. Ok hope this helps, if you need any further information please do not hesitate to ask. It is not easy for you now but I promise it will be quite soon.

margarite

Kevster wrote: »

I was there myself at one point (St. Pat's). I was diagnosed correctly, but it wasn't the complete picture (if you get me). I feel that it is also up to us as patients to figure out what's wrong. Looking at us from the outside and only hearing what we say (as psychiatrists do) makes it difficult to accurately diagnose.

I did a lot of searching to figure out what syndrome I really have. My official diagnosis is only part of it.

Kevin

I agree with all of what you said. As I said I did the course run by Trinity College and Belfast Universilty it is to serious a coundition to just ignore, can people who actually have and think they may have this disorder please look for help here on this thread because it is hard to get it diagnosed correctly, part of the condition is not trusting people, you will soon suss out who on the thread has it and get the proper information that will help not only you and me but all of us in how to cope with. What have we got to lose. OK

Princess Peach

Got an appointment with a new counselor for next Thursday, very nervous! I always find it very hard to think of the reasons why I get down sometimes, and find it hard to talk about, but my last counselor did help me come up with a few causes to my feelings and solitions to it too. Just hope I get on as well with the new one.

My next worry is that I will need to ask work for a specific lunch hour so I can go, usually you are told your lunch on the day. Don't want to have to tell them why

RubyXI

Does anyone else have a huge issue with people seeing them eat? My family are the only ones I can eat in front of. It means I rarely eat lunch anymore because I work in an open plan office so it's hard to hide food. It is quite a problem in day to day life.

thrilledskinny

phi3 wrote: »

Does anyone else have a huge issue with people seeing them eat? My family are the only ones I can eat in front of. It means I rarely eat lunch anymore because I work in an open plan office so it's hard to hide food. It is quite a problem in day to day life.

Hi phi ;-) I'm delighted to be able to help you out here after your very helpful and encouaging reply to my post earlier in the week.

Just so you know your not alone, a friend of mine tells me they used to have a major problem eating infront of people, I believe even infront of say mother in laws or not so close family members.
I ate lunch with this friend the other day though and we've shared the odd pizza or two, so they seem to have over come this problem, through hard effort i believe, councelling, meds etc.
But at least you know your not alone and can over come it.
I can find out more of them if you want ??

By the way I've started councelling re the work situation, and intend to return very soon to my job, please god as they say!
Take care now...:-)

thrilledskinny

Kevster wrote: »

I'm an admin on a separate site for mental disorders (25,000+ posts) and what you've written here is so true. However, the depression drives paranoia into our heads too, and this can act to isolate us even more. Even if someone tries to help us, we might feel that they have ulterior motives and we may just go on to ignore their help in the future. it really is a dark place at times. I've been there.

I've benefited from alot of your posts, and gained solice from them.

I agree with you totally here. A doctor once asked me when I was depressed, was I worried about anything in particular? But I choose not to tell her my worry, I just replied 'that I believe when I'm depressed I'll worry about totally irrational things and build things up to worry about from nothing really'.
I dont believe we think the same when we are depressed.
Now that I'm well, the worry I had when I was depressed, flashes into my mind occassionally, but not to the same frequency or extent as when I was depressed. I tell myself now that even though the worry I have could possibly come true, its only silly and irrational to worry about the likely hood of something happening which is probably one chance in hundred, or as slim as winning the lotty - and none of us worry about that eh!!

Its a bit like the post from PANIC CENTRAL..who suffers from panic attacks that are worse at times, and is currently panicing or worring about loosing her boyfriend. She or he wont worry as much when they are feeling better. When unwelll our worries are heightened, this doesnt mean they cant happen, it just means we find it harder to control our worry to a sensible normal level and not yo obsess about it.

Take care, and thanks for your post/s:)

RubyXI

thrilledskinny wrote: »

Hi phi ;-) I'm delighted to be able to help you out here after your very helpful and encouaging reply to my post earlier in the week.

Just so you know your not alone, a friend of mine tells me they used to have a major problem eating infront of people, I believe even infront of say mother in laws or not so close family members.
I ate lunch with this friend the other day though and we've shared the odd pizza or two, so they seem to have over come this problem, through hard effort i believe, councelling, meds etc.
But at least you know your not alone and can over come it.
I can find out more of them if you want ??

By the way I've started councelling re the work situation, and intend to return very soon to my job, please god as they say!
Take care now...:-)

Thanks for your reply. Well done on going to councelling. Don't think I'll ever be able to do that. Best of luck with your return to work.

margarite

Princess Peach wrote: »

Got an appointment with a new counselor for next Thursday, very nervous! I always find it very hard to think of the reasons why I get down sometimes, and find it hard to talk about, but my last counselor did help me come up with a few causes to my feelings and solitions to it too. Just hope I get on as well with the new one.

My next worry is that I will need to ask work for a specific lunch hour so I can go, usually you are told your lunch on the day. Don't want to have to tell them why

The way I got out of that was saying I had a G P appointment and that was the only time he could take me, and got my g p to give me a letter stating that I had an appointment at that time. Hope this helps.

LegacyUser

Thanks Thrilled Skinny.
I've been good this week actually. I feel like my natural calmer self is becoming that bit stronger.There's no doubt - I've been very anxious about being unemployed, and having suffered from panic a number of years ago, I assumed the panic was the related to the same thing.My counsellor has helped me realise what my anxiety is really about. Doesn't make it easy all the time, I will say that.There are some days when I think all my problems are about my OH, (poor guy), and I'll never be happy again. But I do feel the last few days like I'm getting stronger, like I might be able to beat this irrational thing.Like you say, I don't understand how the same things can bother me now, but wouldn't at all say, last year.It's a pretty good indication (for me), that there's something going on in the background that's heightening my levels of anxiety, and decreasing my ability to cope with things.

phi3, maybe you'll get to a counsellor someday.But maybe don't think about it too much.It's not a bad reflection on you.Everyone is different.I don't think my counsellor has actually solved my problem, but they've helped to look at my life in a different light, and have been an "impartial" observer to what I'm telling them about my life.It's good that way.You'll get there when you're ready.

RubyXI

Panic Central wrote: »

Thanks Thrilled Skinny.
I've been good this week actually. I feel like my natural calmer self is becoming that bit stronger.There's no doubt - I've been very anxious about being unemployed, and having suffered from panic a number of years ago, I assumed the panic was the related to the same thing.My counsellor has helped me realise what my anxiety is really about. Doesn't make it easy all the time, I will say that.There are some days when I think all my problems are about my OH, (poor guy), and I'll never be happy again. But I do feel the last few days like I'm getting stronger, like I might be able to beat this irrational thing.Like you say, I don't understand how the same things can bother me now, but wouldn't at all say, last year.It's a pretty good indication (for me), that there's something going on in the background that's heightening my levels of anxiety, and decreasing my ability to cope with things.

phi3, maybe you'll get to a counsellor someday.But maybe don't think about it too much.It's not a bad reflection on you.Everyone is different.I don't think my counsellor has actually solved my problem, but they've helped to look at my life in a different light, and have been an "impartial" observer to what I'm telling them about my life.It's good that way.You'll get there when you're ready.

Oh no i certinally don't think of it as a bad reflection on me. I just can't bring myself to do it. It's a catch 22 situation. My anxiety is preventing me from curing my anxiety.

LegacyUser

Oh right.
Funny how it works like that.

pheasant tail

Kevster wrote: »

I was there myself at one point (St. Pat's). I was diagnosed correctly, but it wasn't the complete picture (if you get me). I feel that it is also up to us as patients to figure out what's wrong. Looking at us from the outside and only hearing what we say (as psychiatrists do) makes it difficult to accurately diagnose.

I did a lot of searching to figure out what syndrome I really have. My official diagnosis is only part of it.

Kevin

KEvin if you dont mind me asking how did you find st pats?? how long did you spend there??
im currently here at the moment and soooo worried

margarite

Panic Central wrote: »

Thanks Thrilled Skinny.
I've been good this week actually. I feel like my natural calmer self is becoming that bit stronger.There's no doubt - I've been very anxious about being unemployed, and having suffered from panic a number of years ago, I assumed the panic was the related to the same thing.My counsellor has helped me realise what my anxiety is really about. Doesn't make it easy all the time, I will say that.There are some days when I think all my problems are about my OH, (poor guy), and I'll never be happy again. But I do feel the last few days like I'm getting stronger, like I might be able to beat this irrational thing.Like you say, I don't understand how the same things can bother me now, but wouldn't at all say, last year.It's a pretty good indication (for me), that there's something going on in the background that's heightening my levels of anxiety, and decreasing my ability to cope with things.

phi3, maybe you'll get to a counsellor someday.But maybe don't think about it too much.It's not a bad reflection on you.Everyone is different.I don't think my counsellor has actually solved my problem, but they've helped to look at my life in a different light, and have been an "impartial" observer to what I'm telling them about my life.It's good that way.You'll get there when you're ready.

I agaree with phi, it all comes right in its own time. Sometimes for me when I am feelilng anxietious (excuse spelling) things seem much worse and finding the way can be hard, but if I can rest or looking at tv sometimes things can become clearer. Take care.

Tags

A loss of self worth and direction in life hits a lot of people. I find it to be particularly worse for people with depression. That "get up and go" attitude is almost impossible to muster due to long term low moods and the immediate anxiety.

Someone once asked me which is worse, the mood or the fear? To me they've both been very destructive in many ways although I find the anxiety to be my ultimate downfall.

I was told by my psychiatrist that the anxiety is a symptom of depression but I would of said it was there first and the depression came from that. On further reflection I can see how the depression was always there, lurking in the background like a bastard puppeteer in my childhood and teenage years playing with my strings.

Prescribed medication, alcohol, destructive behaviour, absence from work and education in the short-term may seem to soothe the trouble but overall just adds to the pile of crap we have to deal with in life.

At times we've tried to fight conformity, we wanted to stand out and be heard. What I'd give right now to be a normal happy person who can deal with the minor low points without feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Just needed to rant.

Hope ye're all doing ok.

Wolfe Tone

Anyone else into the state where you literally just do nothing, and even going to the shop seems a mammoth task? I was like that for my exams and failed two,(I just literally couldnt study) but I was fine for a good while after that, over the last few days its been coming back though, and what seems to happen is that I'm not depressed until this happens and when it does I end up just sitting there thinking about how stupid or pathetic I am, and things like that, and end up getting really down... anyone feel someway similar?

How do you keep motivated?

Mars Bar

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

Anyone else into the state where you literally just do nothing, and even going to the shop seems a mammoth task? I was like that for my exams and failed two,(I just literally couldnt study) but I was fine for a good while after that, over the last few days its been coming back though, and what seems to happen is that I'm not depressed until this happens and when it does I end up just sitting there thinking about how stupid or pathetic I am, and things like that, and end up getting really down... anyone feel someway similar?

How do you keep motivated?

I've nearly given up on attempting to see out the college year. It's a shame as I'm finished completely in May. My attendance in the last month is worse than my previous two years combined. It's hard to get to sleep and even harder to get up in the morning.
My concentration is zero and with that, I lost the motivation coz I know what the routine is now. Sit down, make an attempt, get frustrated after 20 mins, give up. Over and over again...

Wolfe Tone

mars bar wrote: »

I've nearly given up on attempting to see out the college year. It's a shame as I'm finished completely in May. My attendance in the last month is worse than my previous two years combined. It's hard to get to sleep and even harder to get up in the morning.
My concentration is zero and with that, I lost the motivation coz I know what the routine is now. Sit down, make an attempt, get frustrated after 20 mins, give up. Over and over again...

Im pretty similar, luckily I am right beside the college so I generally go in, but I cant study, concentration is nil too.

Mars Bar

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

Im pretty similar, luckily I am right beside the college so I generally go in, but I cant study, concentration is nil too.

I live right beside the college too. I go in when I get fed up talking to myself when I have finally dragged myself out of bed!

LegacyUser

last night I went to a party. it was class craic like. I was steamin. dancin like a madman. bout 12ish got a buzz sayin that i needed to head home to take care of somethin. so I told my mate, jack. he got me a curry and helped me sober up (such a sound lad..but anyway) that was grand. but I was wasted man. he explained t me t just sit at the table and eat so I did but he got this bitch (Girl 1) to sit in fr him while he was away doin whatever. and by god she was a bitch. she kept on sayin 'eat the curry' in this 'im your mother'-type voice. f'in ridiculous. anyway. I didnt hear the spite in her voice at the time like. I was complimentin her, ye have lovely eyes, blah blah. makin conversation easy, like it is when ye're tanked. so that was grand. I was happy enough. but by god bout halfway through she just kept on sayin to me how much she 'hated' me. for no reason. and she was just intent on makin me feel like ****t. it wasnt even so much what she was sayin but the way she said it, y'know? while I got near the end of my curry a good mate of mine (Girl 2) landed at the table and she was f'ked. but I got so tired of Girl 1's b.s. so I explained t her that she was takin out her jealousy of everyone else enjoyin themselves on me. somethin like 'You hate people because you think they're obliged to like you because you feel sorry for yourself' and I could feel her crackin. her eyes were tearin up. then Girl 2 got in on it and we had a wee mini-convo about good vibes and bad vibes, how if ye put bad vibes in thats what ya get out. and I explained t Girl 1 that this was a fact and then Girl 2 decided I was givin out bad vibes. but I explained t her that that was cos Girl 1 was givin ME bad vibes. and I had a fallout with Girl 2 over it cos she thought I was bein a dick.. but I dunno. Girl 1 just made me feel like an absolute piece of trash like. I wanted to get on with her and have a bitta craic. but she was just a dick. and by the time I finished she'd just tore me down man...

I felt like I was invisible like, like nobody even saw me. my head was in my hands and I just felt like crap. wanted t cry so badly. its like it just awoke this part of me thats been locked away since primary school when I was bullied. and I just felt so ****. and so angry that my happiness had been ****ing stolen from under my nose by someone who was just gona squander it anyway. bitch.

I got the taxi home a wee bit after that, called up my best mate, who's goin out with Girl 2 (lesbians.) and we had a big long convo, me sittin freezin out on a wall on some country lane near home, just talking philosophical ****e. I wasnt sad but the good times just felt like so far away.. even tho I was dancin only an hour bfore that like, havin a great time. my battery conked out and I headed down home, late as **** but I didnt care. went ta bed.

more relevant to the thread tho, I'm anxious at school a lotta the time.. outside school its usually grand and im REALLY gregarious with people I dont know but with people I do know.. **** man. I get anxious so easy. but im dealing it with it. I find practicing good breathing really helps a lot and working out does too (I work out 6 days a week) but it just seems like somethin you get stuck with or you dont.. and I have them cry days too where I just wanna cry and cry and cry like a lot of people in this thread. I feel melancholy naturally like. its just the way I am. but I do have moments of intense happiness..last night for example. I was tellin Girl 1 (the bitch) how beautiful the world is, and how amazing it is..but how people just ruin it. and I explained to her how she was one of those people.

by far the worst thing about depression is how it pushes the people you wish you could be close to away from you.

anyway.. if ye've read this, thanks so much. let it not be said that ye're impatient :P

mini hendo

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

Anyone else into the state where you literally just do nothing, and even going to the shop seems a mammoth task? I was like that for my exams and failed two,(I just literally couldnt study) but I was fine for a good while after that, over the last few days its been coming back though, and what seems to happen is that I'm not depressed until this happens and when it does I end up just sitting there thinking about how stupid or pathetic I am, and things like that, and end up getting really down... anyone feel someway similar?

How do you keep motivated?

Exact same problem! totally agree with mars bar too its so hard to get out of and i procrastinate all assignments until last minute and even during some exams i can hardly keep it together to finish reading a question!!

LegacyUser

Tags wrote: »

A loss of self worth and direction in life hits a lot of people........ That "get up and go" attitude is almost impossible to muster due to long term low moods and the immediate anxiety.

So well said. Unemployment was the catalyst for some serious panic attacks for me.I have also heard that some people live with higher anxiety levels than others, therefore when they are really, really worried about something, on top of their natural anxiety, they find things very hard to cope with.

It's hard to know what's worse, the mood or the fear.No doubt they feed off each other though.

Wolfe Tone

Any tips for motivation? Im not to bad atm, but Im really worried I will end up like I was over christmas/new years again

Odysseus

Princess Peach wrote: »

Got an appointment with a new counselor for next Thursday, very nervous! I always find it very hard to think of the reasons why I get down sometimes, and find it hard to talk about, but my last counselor did help me come up with a few causes to my feelings and solitions to it too. Just hope I get on as well with the new one.

My next worry is that I will need to ask work for a specific lunch hour so I can go, usually you are told your lunch on the day. Don't want to have to tell them why

Best of luck with it, I would just add that give it a minimum of six sessions to with that therapist [unless of course it really feels wrong] to start to settle in. Part of being in therapy is dealing with your own resistances to treatment; that you may not even be aware of. Some of my clients have taken years to feel able to speak about certain topics, so saying six sessions to give yourself a chance, does not really cover it; but that is what I generally suggest to people and ask my clients to do. From our side of the fence we need time to see if we can work with a person too, so it works from both sides.

They never really go away, I did five years in analysis as part of my training, fast forward 8 years I went back in analysis [three sessions a week] again a few months ago. I'm a therapist and still have to overcome my own resistances; the main thing I would say is speak about anything that bothers you around the therapy.

I'm just saying this in general not directly at you but we are not mind readers, and need people to express any issues they have about attending and engaging. Also on the work front you don't have to say you are seeing a therapist, I don't know what your work environment is like but could you give another reason ranging from seeing your doctor to a family issue that you have to take care of something and need a set lunch break one day a week.

As I said you will know your work situation better, another option would be trying to get the session time changed to one outside of working hours, if that would be option. A lot of work places can be quite helpful around issues like this, I find a lot of my clients get a lot of support around attending appointments, but then there are others where it may not be the best option to let your boss know your in therapy. Hope it works out for you.

Mars Bar

Officially diagnosed with depression today.

Onwards and upwards from here hopefully!

RubyXI

mars bar wrote: »

Officially diagnosed with depression today.

Onwards and upwards from here hopefully!

Bitter sweet news but it will be for the best in the long term. Well done and good luck

Queen-Mise

mars bar wrote: »

Officially diagnosed with depression today.

Onwards and upwards from here hopefully!

Its nice to have a name for it - to know whats going on. Best of luck with it

Reactor

I got a job today, it gave me a bit of a lift but I hope Im not going to be back here in a month complaining that Im worse off working than I was on the dole.

Im planning on throwing pretty much all my stuff in a skip and formatting my laptop and making a fresh start in a new location now, during my really down periods thats what I used to dream about doing.

Mars Bar

Queen-Mise wrote: »

Its nice to have a name for it - to know whats going on. Best of luck with it

phi3 wrote: »

Bitter sweet news but it will be for the best in the long term. Well done and good luck

Thank you both.

I understand it's mild in comparison to others but it has been enough to disrupt my college work which was in turn, making me feel even worse.

Started on Effexor and Mirtazapine today and last night respectively.

Boy does that Mirtazapine turn you into a zombie! It has been a year and a half since I had to take an early evening nap. Last time was because of a nasty cold I had.

Wolfe Tone

Best of luck mars, was it hard to talk to your GP about it?