Need help writing a great pitch.

dcmu

EileenG wrote: »

How would you fix it?

In all honesty, I'd need to read the book.

I'm no more of an authority than you are, if I were, I'd have ten books published by now. I hope I wasn't too critical, but I honestly didn't think it was a good pitch.

EileenG

Well, pitching is something I have no experience with, I'm a lot more confident with actually writing the novel than pitching it.

My heroine starts off seeing humans purely as livestock. As she spends more time with them, she moves to seeing them as cute animals (like dolphins) but it is a long time before she sees them as more than that.

pathway33

Hey EileenG are you in the next round?

miec

My heroine starts off seeing humans purely as livestock. As she spends more time with them, she moves to seeing them as cute animals (like dolphins) but it is a long time before she sees them as more than that.

The words that spring to mind for me is that your character seems to evolve, do you think in the course of the novel that she goes from being a hunter to the hunted and during the process she has to evolve and acquire new life skills but at the same connect with humans, seeing them more than just feeding material. If that is the case then this could be something you could use in your pitch, and it has the human connection within it.

Maybe the evolution of her character could be the lure for this pitch? Now I am not fully sure as I haven't read the novel but it is worth it. Also how does it differ from other vampire books? What is the appeal for young people? Are the characters strong because like you I am working on a childrens book (slightly younger than teenagers) but what I have garnered from the kids I've talked with is that they love strong characters, ones they can identify with. You could also put in something about family dynamics, as that is something I see again and again in children's literature (including YA). Sorry this is all over the place, I am just putting out random thoughts but the very best of luck and let us know how you get on.

EileenG

I see her as growing up. She goes from being an obedient daughter who does whatever her mother says, to being responsible for herself and other people and who fights her mother in their defense.

I like think the characters are strong. There's a dancing bodybuilder (don't laugh, bodybuilders can always lift their partners) who is looking for a damsel to rescue. There's a kinky former special forces fisherman, a journalist with a bad reputation who has turned vampire hunter, a baby vampire with a really sexy big brother. And an internet nerd who gets into a lot of trouble.

pathway33

Hey, Congratulations!!!!!!! I see your title in the next round. Best of luck again

EileenG

You spotted that before I did. Thanks for telling me!

pathway33

EileenG wrote: »

You spotted that before I did. Thanks for telling me!

Oh no :eek: I ruined the thrill for you of finding out by looking at the list. I'll keep my gob shut for the next round

Memnoch

EileenG wrote: »

You spotted that before I did. Thanks for telling me!

Congratulations on getting through EileenG. Sorry I arrived to this thread late, I had looked a while ago on creative writing for an ABNA thread and didn't spot one + the whole malarky with my account being blocked over the password change thingy for a while. Anyway congrats.

I got through to the 2nd round as well. I did last year also, but then was cut at the next stage. One of the vine reviewers gave me a glowing review but the other hated my excerpt.

It's a lot stronger this year so I'm hoping to at least get the full review from PW.

Best of luck in the next round, it's going to be a tough cut. 1k to 250. But I suppose a 1 in 4 chance still. It was 1 in 5 last round.

EileenG

Congrats.

I'm taking the view that I've beaten 4000 so far, only another 999 to go.....

Do you get reviews? I didn't know that.

Memnoch

EileenG wrote: »

Congrats.

I'm taking the view that I've beaten 4000 so far, only another 999 to go.....

Do you get reviews? I didn't know that.

Yeah, the ptich stage can be hit or miss, and can often come down to just who you get on the day, luckily we got someone who liked our pitches. There were pleanty of pretty decent looking pitches that didn't make it though, but I guess that's the nature of the beast.

As to feedback. Yes, you will recieve feedback on your excerpt. But it's pretty short, like a paragraph. Last time, I got one really positive and one really negative feedback, and to be perfectly honest, neither was helpful in helping me improve the MS in any way. Though other's experiences of this may have been different.

I'm hopeful though that if I can get through to the next stage, i.e. top 250 in the category, that the Publisher Weekly review will be a little more substantive. But you gotta get past the excerpt stage first.

pickarooney

Well done to both of you on getting to the second round. Do you just have to wait and see now or send in more stuff?

EileenG

No, it's all in. First round is judged on the 300 word pitch, the second round is on a 5000 word excerpt, the third round is on the entire novel.

pickarooney

Memnoch, I could be thinking of someone else, but was your entry last year a historic, India-themed novel? If it's the one I'm thinking of the synopsis I read of it was really interesting and I would have wanted to read it.

Memnoch

pickarooney wrote: »

Memnoch, I could be thinking of someone else, but was your entry last year a historic, India-themed novel? If it's the one I'm thinking of the synopsis I read of it was really interesting and I would have wanted to read it.

Rooney, yes it was, thanks. Unfortuantely, I've never been a great editor and that draft was quite rough. I've since cut amost 15K words from the MS and it's much tighter now.

Hope they give it a chance.