Is wine essential for a wedding?

Alliandre

My H2B and I are both non-drinkers so we find the idea of forking out hundreds on wine for the wedding a bit pointless. Do people always expect wine at a wedding? Would it be bad if we didn't provide wine with the meal? We're trying to save money wherever possible.

Glowing

If it was an irish wedding, then I'd say Yes.

You could perhaps save money on not having a choice on the menu perhaps, but I think it'd be odd if I didn't get a glass of wine at least with my meal (esp if it was a sit down meal).

Just my opinion though

Witcher

Could also just get water and ask Jesus to help ya out:)

Alliandre

Blay wrote: »

Could also just get water and ask Jesus to help ya out:)

Well it's a civil ceremony so that probably wouldn't work.

Tiesto

yes of course. Would look fairly tight if you were to leave out the wine just to save a few quid.. Im sure the majority would enjoy a glass with their meal, even though you dont drink.

Nasty_Girl

Will your venue allow you to bring your own?

We brought our own and they waived the corkage, we spent eff all on the wine and there was even some left over!

twowheelsonly

Nasty_Girl wrote: »

Will your venue allow you to bring your own?

We brought our own and they waived the corkage, we spent eff all on the wine and there was even some left over!

+1 on that.
If they offer free corkage try to get it in writing though!!
Last thing you want is a big surprise on the end of your bill or a big argument in the middle of your reception.

How Strange

Alliandre wrote: »

My H2B and I are both non-drinkers so we find the idea of forking out hundreds on wine for the wedding a bit pointless. Do people always expect wine at a wedding? Would it be bad if we didn't provide wine with the meal? We're trying to save money wherever possible.

I'd be inclined to say yes it would look bad. I think most guests would expect a glass of wine with their meal. You don't have to go overboard on wine. We're allowing half a bottle per person but you could allow a quarter bottle per person which is about a glass.

littleredspot

Not quite the same thing but...Myself and my wife don't drink wine, so we didn't want to serve it, I would however be known for my love liking of cider. Our hotel was very amenable so we brought our own (and paid corkage) magnums of sparkling perry (which is very cheap), which everyone thought was gorgeous.

I wouldn't skimp on the quantities though. I was amazed how many people commented on the generous size of the glasses and how regularly they were topped up.

One way we saved a lot of money was by not buying a round for the toast, but we asked the staff to keep topping up wine glasses at the speech time.

carolinespring

I was at a wedding years ago, where no wine was served with the meal and to this day (16/17 years ago) when anyone I know talks about the wedding its about the fact that no wine was served.

I was at a wedding a couple of years ago that put 1/4 bottles of ine on the table so anyone who wanted some could have it and and it didnt cost as much but did look a little cheap. I was also at another wedding where the Bride and Groom didnt drink wine but loved beer and they had a beers of the world thing going on with dbeers from a different country at each table. It was good fun and a good talking point for the guests as what country did you get etc

Clareman

I'd agree with it looking a bit mean no to serve wine, there are certain things people expect at a wedding and if they don't get it they complain, not to you but they'll make comments. Keep an eye out for special offers on wine, they have them from time to time, also, you can get it a couple of months in advance, when we got married each pay day we'd get something, 1 month it was the flowers, another it was the invites, another the wine, you don't feel it so much if you can spread it out.

Also, you could ask someone to pay for the wine as their wedding present to you, maybe a couple of brothers and sisters could club together, better than getting a mirror or something off them

NextSteps

I think it would look mean. Most people like a glass of wine with a meal.

Barracudaincork

Not serving wine because you dont drink, is like not serving meat because you are vegetarian.

You will look both mean and crazy IMO and it will be the one thing guests talk about when they think of your wedding, sad but true, thats just the way humans are Im afraid.

Alliandre

Hmmm, I guess we'll be having wine then. Maybe it won't be so bad if we can find a place that won't charge corkage. I never really hear of anyone using the hotels wine. Is it generally more expensive than bringing in your own, even with corkage?

tellingeye

If you buy your own it can still work out cheaper, maybe buy it up north or in England! Booze cruise!!! sorce it yourself and try and haggle with the hotel on corkage! It's a buyers market out there right now especially in the hotel industry.

You really do need to have some form of drink, I went to a wedding where there was no wine! People couldn't believe it and people had to order their own even for the toasts. Some people didn't raise their glass, there was nothing in them!!!!!!!!!!! So embarrassing for everyone.
Turned out to be a very sober and boring affair and by 11 o'clock more than half the guest left.

antiskeptic

Alliandre wrote: »

Hmmm, I guess we'll be having wine then.

A good conclusion to arrive at methinks.

Maybe it won't be so bad if we can find a place that won't charge corkage. I never really hear of anyone using the hotels wine. Is it generally more expensive than bringing in your own, even with corkage?

Remember that the mark-up on wine is just one of the ways in which the venue makes their margin. The thing to bear in mind is haggling about the overall cost - not just the corkage. There's no harm in them charging you a little corkage (so that their happy) and you do the legword to source some decent wine cheap. We had our reception at a restaurant and used one of the house red/white. The price per bottle was 25 quid, whilst the same wine could be found online for 2.95!

If you don't know anything about wine, find someone who does. You've moved from the curious position of considering having no wine at all. The next task is to make sure not to fall into the trap of supplying vinegar - merely because it's cheap. If you don't know a wine expert you could do worse than check out the online wine list of a top restaurant and source one of their house red&whites yourself. L'Ecrivain's sommalier (wine expert/buyer) won the Sommalier of the Year this year apparently, so you could do worse than try their list.

Clareman

The 1 big advantage you'll have by using the hotel's wine is that you won't be left with cases and cases of the stuff afterwards that won't be any use to you, you could explain that you don't drink and aren't really sure about wine and see what they are willing to do

Barracudaincork

Try and buy your wine on a use or return basis, i have known people to do this. Be careful if you are buying your wine from outside the republic as the hotel may request proof that duty has been paid on that wine. So the price you see may not be the price you pay.

First step would be is to go into an off licence which has a good selection of wines and speak to them, as no doubt they would have dealt with your situation before and its a place to start, they will give you food for thought etc

tatli_lokma

sorry, but I disagree. This whole idea that you MUST have wine at your wedding is a load of my arse!
We didn't have wine at our wedding. This was on the advise of a family friend who is a silver service waitress and works at A LOT of weddings. Her advice, is that a lot of people are VERY fussy about what wine they drink. It is hard to choose a wine which everyone will enjoy. As a result she said the majority of the bottles are drunk by about half the guests. Many guests will not drink wine all night, and those on pints won't want to mix, so will get a pint instead.

Her advise was that it can turn out to be a waste of money.

Instead we gave 2 open toasts, one with the meal and one for the toast. This allowed everyone to choose their drink. When we calculated it it cost the same as providing a 1/2 bottle of wine per person.

I think people expect a drink with their dinner, but it does NOT have to be wine.

A lot of the lads at our wedding said it was great to be offered a pint, cos they don't drink wine. Those who don't drink or were driving were not left out because they got their choice of drink - by choosing wine you are only giving wine drinkers a free drink, by giving an open toast then you are giving everyone a drink.

tinkerbell

I would always have thought that you need to have wine at a wedding. I don't drink wine myself and neither does my partner but that wouldn't stop me having wine for other guests.

oxegen85

Cincikchick wrote: »

sorry, but I disagree. This whole idea that you MUST have wine at your wedding is a load of my arse!
We didn't have wine at our wedding. This was on the advise of a family friend who is a silver service waitress and works at A LOT of weddings. Her advice, is that a lot of people are VERY fussy about what wine they drink. It is hard to choose a wine which everyone will enjoy. As a result she said the majority of the bottles are drunk by about half the guests. Many guests will not drink wine all night, and those on pints won't want to mix, so will get a pint instead.

Her advise was that it can turn out to be a waste of money.

Instead we gave 2 open toasts, one with the meal and one for the toast. This allowed everyone to choose their drink. When we calculated it it cost the same as providing a 1/2 bottle of wine per person.

I think people expect a drink with their dinner, but it does NOT have to be wine.

A lot of the lads at our wedding said it was great to be offered a pint, cos they don't drink wine. Those who don't drink or were driving were not left out because they got their choice of drink - by choosing wine you are only giving wine drinkers a free drink, by giving an open toast then you are giving everyone a drink.

I agree... Ive only been to 2 weddings but both didnt serve wine which I thought was better. Instead of having wine thrown at ya (and I like wine) you could choose any drink you wanted. Thats just my opinion anyway.

kizzabel

we have decided to forego wine.

the majority of our friends dont drink wine, would prefer to have their pint / vodka / whatever so we just dont see the point

my nephew works banqueting in a hotel and has told me the amount of wine thrown out at the weddings hes served in the last 3 years is sinful.

is it mean that we dont plan on doing a round of drinks either?

we may go down another road and buy something like the sparkling perry AP suggested but i dont feel the need.

the last few weddings i was at i tasted the white, thought it fairly rotten and went to buy my usual tipple. it differs from person to person as regards what they like and it seems like an uphill struggle to please everyone!

emma82

Oh dear- this has me worried! Neither me nor the OH like wine at all! Horrible- hate the stuff!!!
We were planning on having a champagne reception as guests go in plus a drinks voucher for one drink and then a toast drink or just give 2 vouchers on way in. Would people still be giving out if there is no wine on table? I have been to a few weddings where there was no wine on tables and it didn't bother me but then i dont drink wine???

Toots

I don't think 'wine' is essential, however I'd say it's essential to provide some sort of drink for the meal, could be either bottles on the table, or a round or two during the meal. It will look pretty stingy if there's just water at the table and your guests are expected to fork out for their own dinner drinks. We're doing the 'half bottle of wine per person' for the meal, and then open toast for the speeches. My parents are wine buffs so I've assigned them the task of choosing good wines. Most of our families are wine drinkers so this options suits us best. I should add at this point that both my OH and myself only drink very very ocassionally and we've both said we probably won't drink on our wedding day.

Guell72

Ive been at 2 weddings since the summer. One where no drinks were provided for the guests. Among my friends it had become affectionately know as "The recession wedding" and will be forever. Nobody says "remember X and Ys wedding". Its Remember "the recession wedding". A bit mean, but thats life.

The other wedding was one drink and people give out about that one all the time too, but as yet it hasnt been named

I can understand people trying to cut costs, but remember, your guests have paid a lot to share your day with you too. Why add another expense to their day too.

Oh, and cheap wine will be even less welcome than than no wine.

Swampy

Just make sure you serve some form of booze. A wedding without booze would be a very dry affair in every sense of the word.

Also, I wouldn't go down the drink voucher route. I'd rather give nothing than use drink vouchers.

oxegen85

just have an open toast round of drinks and another free round of drink during the meal... thats what we're doing which i think is plenty and is actually costing slightly more than if we done the half bottle person..

tatli_lokma

kizzabel wrote: »

we have decided to forego wine.

the majority of our friends dont drink wine, would prefer to have their pint / vodka / whatever so we just dont see the point

my nephew works banqueting in a hotel and has told me the amount of wine thrown out at the weddings hes served in the last 3 years is sinful.

is it mean that we dont plan on doing a round of drinks either?

we may go down another road and buy something like the sparkling perry AP suggested but i dont feel the need.

the last few weddings i was at i tasted the white, thought it fairly rotten and went to buy my usual tipple. it differs from person to person as regards what they like and it seems like an uphill struggle to please everyone!

I think it is a bit mean not to offer any form of drink with the meal.

I was at a wedding in Australia, and the praactice there is that wine and beer is either supplied for the day (which in Ireland would cost a bomb) or there are 2-3 wine/beer drinks given with the meal. anyone wanting spirits or anything else pays for it. Soft drinks are usually given compliments of the hotel!

And as you point out, your nephew confirms what our friend said about wine being wasted. She also told me that if you provide wine you need to be extra vigilent and get someone to count bottles, as it is not unheard of for hotels to charge the couple for the wine and then take the unused wine and serve it behind the bar! so they get paid twice for it. Given the hassle of all this, and given the straw pole we took of our guests, it was more senisble for us to offer a couple of open toasts (single measures only). The hotel provided jugs of soft drinks on tables for the kids and non-drinkers. Given that the hotel wanted €10 corkage, 1/2 bottle per person was costing more than an open round.

Again, I think 'wine' per se is a bit of a waste - I drink wine, but if its not nice I would rather have a drink of my choice. Several of the lads we know said they don't mind wine but if it was a day out they would stick with beer, so wouldn't drink wine with the meal.
But I do think you need to give a drink of some sort.

Toots

Cincikchick wrote: »

it was more senisble for us to offer a couple of open toasts (single measures only).

If you're doing open toasts, definitely make sure that the hotel are very clear that it's to be singles only (unless you want to offer whatever people want). We've gotten it written into our contract with the hotel that they won't serve doubles/triples etc on the wedding tab for the toasts.

I was at one wedding where there was a good bit of wine served with the dinner and lots of people were pretty well along by the time the toast came around. I saw lots of people ordering doubles, and a few even ordered triples! It's a sh!tty thing to do at a wedding IMO, but people did it, and I reckon that one round probably cost more than all the wine provided.

Alliandre

Cincikchick wrote: »

Instead we gave 2 open toasts, one with the meal and one for the toast. This allowed everyone to choose their drink. When we calculated it it cost the same as providing a 1/2 bottle of wine per person.

Well if we have to pay for alcohol, this probably sounds like the best idea.

Enii

Toots* wrote: »

If you're doing open toasts, definitely make sure that the hotel are very clear that it's to be singles only (unless you want to offer whatever people want). We've gotten it written into our contract with the hotel that they won't serve doubles/triples etc on the wedding tab for the toasts.

I was at one wedding where there was a good bit of wine served with the dinner and lots of people were pretty well along by the time the toast came around. I saw lots of people ordering doubles, and a few even ordered triples! It's a sh!tty thing to do at a wedding IMO, but people did it, and I reckon that one round probably cost more than all the wine provided.

This can come across as mean.

I was at a wedding where I was drinking a caipirosca (it is what I drink). When the waiter came around to take our drink order for the toast, I ordered a caipirosca. He then loudly blared out "No cocktails, No doubles". Well I just wanted the ground to open - it was so mortifying. It actually was only a little more expensive then the Vodka & Coke that I changed my order to.

It is the one thing that sticks out in my mind when I think back about that wedding.

Toots

Well in all fairness, when you're paying for 120 people to have a drink on you, there needs to be a limit. I wouldn't think it at all mean to say no doubles etc, FFS, you're being bought a drink of your choice, within reason, how is that mean? If I was out buying a round with my mates in a pub, I wouldn't ask someone to get me a double. Similarly if someone asked me to get them some expensive drink, I'd politely ask them to choose something else. If they insisted on that particular drink, then they can pay for it themselves.

A spirit and mixer would be what, about €7? As opposed to a cocktail that may well cost up to €15? When I was at my SIL's wedding, I was drinking doubles for the night (which I paid for myself) and it was €13.50 for the double and mixer. If everyone ordered the spirit and mixer you'd be looking at €840 just for that round. If everyone ordered doubles/triples/cocktails, it would be upwards of €1500 for the round!!

Now I would expect hotel staff to be discreet in telling someone who wanted a double or whatever that it wasn't an option. Bellowing across the table and making a holy show of someone is not on.

Clareman

I think there's a big difference between the drink for the toast and drink with the meal. In Ireland, imvho, there's 3 times during the day when you can expect to get a drink
1. On arrival - this can vary, some people do a champagne reception, most hotels will have a tea/coffee/punch reception as part of the package.
2. With the meal - the norm is to supply wine, as mentioned here you can offer a drink of choice.
3. For the toast - the norm here is a drink of choice, but some people offer a champagne toast as well.

Of course it's completely up to you how many (if any) of the different options you lay on, nevermind what others say, it's your day, BUT, if you are worried about people's opinions then you will have to offer at least 2 out of 3. I've been to weddings when people have lost the run of themselves with the drink of choice, I've seen someone order a bottle of wine, to cocktails, to trebles, same as a lot of things, all it takes is a few to ruin it for everyone

How Strange

We bought 48 bottles of cava for pre dinner drinks at €400 approx. We bought about 50 bottles of wine for approx €400. Total approx €800. I'd bet if you're going to buy a round of drinks for 100 people it would be about the same so you wouldn't save any money.

IMO, it's nicer to offer people a glass of sparkling wine when they arrive and give them a glass or two of wine rather than have someone go around all the tables and take individual drinks orders. I'm not a fan of the 'one round of drinks'.

Enii

Toots* wrote: »

Well in all fairness, when you're paying for 120 people to have a drink on you, there needs to be a limit. I wouldn't think it at all mean to say no doubles etc, FFS, you're being bought a drink of your choice, within reason, how is that mean? If I was out buying a round with my mates in a pub, I wouldn't ask someone to get me a double. Similarly if someone asked me to get them some expensive drink, I'd politely ask them to choose something else. If they insisted on that particular drink, then they can pay for it themselves.

A spirit and mixer would be what, about €7? As opposed to a cocktail that may well cost up to €15? When I was at my SIL's wedding, I was drinking doubles for the night (which I paid for myself) and it was €13.50 for the double and mixer. If everyone ordered the spirit and mixer you'd be looking at €840 just for that round. If everyone ordered doubles/triples/cocktails, it would be upwards of €1500 for the round!!

Now I would expect hotel staff to be discreet in telling someone who wanted a double or whatever that it wasn't an option. Bellowing across the table and making a holy show of someone is not on.

My point it that there is probably no need to put limits on drinks choices. The amount of people drinking doubles & cocktails will be very few (and why would you expect them to downgrade their drinks). The few who choose to double their measure or change to something more expensve when the drink is being paid for the b&g will also be far and few between (who would do this at a friends wedding!!!!). So why set a limit?

If you are really bothered about a few extra euros - *scarcasm alert* why not give the person drinking doubles or cocktails the option of making up the few extra euros their drink will cost in relation to what you are prepared to pay.

It will all equal out - remember there will be non-drinkers at the wedding. Also remember that drinking doubles & cocktails is not that uncommon - some people like to do this - and it may come across mean if you ask them to downgrade their order.

Don't buy a round of drinks if you are going to stipulate what people can drink -offer wine instead.

tatli_lokma

How Strange wrote: »

We bought 48 bottles of cava for pre dinner drinks at €400 approx. We bought about 50 bottles of wine for approx €400. Total approx €800. I'd bet if you're going to buy a round of drinks for 100 people it would be about the same so you wouldn't save any money.

is that including a corkage charge? bear in mind that some hotels can charge €15 or more for corkage per bottle - if you give 1/2 btl per person, that is an extra €7.50 per person, which would in itself cover the cost of a choice of drink, even if it were a spirit.

How Strange wrote: »

IMO, it's nicer to offer people a glass of sparkling wine when they arrive and give them a glass or two of wine rather than have someone go around all the tables and take individual drinks orders. I'm not a fan of the 'one round of drinks'.

but if you don't drink wine then you are excluded from the drinks, which in itself I find a bit rude. Especially for guests who are non-drinkers. By offering a round then people get to have what they want - soft drinks included.

Enii wrote: »

Don't buy a round of drinks if you are going to stipulate what people can drink -offer wine instead.

by offering wine only you are stipulating what people can drink! :rolleyes:

How Strange

Cincikchick wrote: »

is that including a corkage charge? bear in mind that some hotels can charge €15 or more for corkage per bottle - if you give 1/2 btl per person, that is an extra €7.50 per person, which would in itself cover the cost of a choice of drink, even if it were a spirit.

We agreed a flat corkage fee of €200. We're having our reception at a private venue so the corkage is added to the room hire charge.

acb

I would think it really strange to not have wine at a wedding. And I'd certainly remember a wedding I went too that it wasnt offered! Your wedding would be remembered for years to come for all the wrong reasons!!
As someone else said thats like a vegetarian not offering meat.

Also I too think it looks really cheap and thoughtless towards your guests who may enjoy a glass of wine with dinner.

Also as much as we hate to admit it, drinking removes many peoples inhibitions and guests may feel more likely to dance and let go and enjoy themselves! Which I'm sure is what you'd want at your wedding.

In summary: Offer your guests a drink!!

Whispered

I'm so very sorry to be like this but I have to mention the whole comparison between people who do not like wine and vegetarians.

There is a world of difference between someone who does not want to serve wine because they don't like it, and someone who does not want to serve meat because they feel they are supporting an industry they are morally against.

I have not bought meat in years, the fact that I am now going to spend a fortune giving people a nice animal dinner does not sit well with me. I'm doing it to be polite, and because it's the "done thing" but I certainly would not liken my discomfort at doing it to someone not serving wine simply because they don't like it. (unless the person was against wine from a moral standpoint). I know it sounds very pedantic to even bring it up, but I would like people to understand that it is not the same thing in most cases.

thirtythirty

Wine is absolutely essential at a wedding, whether you drink it or not.

If you had no flowers whatsoever at the wedding, I guarantee no one would bat an eyelid, but if there's no wine, I bet i know what the first thing people would say would be when people ask them "how was the wedding"!

Imagine you went to a wedding and there was no music because the couple didn't listen to it and preferred "good company and chat"! And yes, it is a legit analogy - if you think its not or its weird, you can get some sort of sense what it would be like with no wine for other people!

As for the whole carnivore / broccolli-head dinner thing, unfortunately you just have to offer both for risk of offending people. I personally see it is a waste of money offering a whole different dish for "those" people, but since one my friends is one of them, I wouldn't force them to eat normal food.

If you're looking to save €€, cut back on fancy decorations / invitations / photographers. Not the essentials of music, drink, and food.

- also, congratulations!

Barracudaincork

helena.ryan wrote: »

I'm so very sorry to be like this but I have to mention the whole comparison between people who do not like wine and vegetarians.

There is a world of difference between someone who does not want to serve wine because they don't like it, and someone who does not want to serve meat because they feel they are supporting an industry they are morally against.

I have not bought meat in years, the fact that I am now going to spend a fortune giving people a nice animal dinner does not sit well with me. I'm doing it to be polite, and because it's the "done thing" but I certainly would not liken my discomfort at doing it to someone not serving wine simply because they don't like it. (unless the person was against wine from a moral standpoint). I know it sounds very pedantic to even bring it up, but I would like people to understand that it is not the same thing in most cases.

Not everyone who is vegatarian is so for moral reasons either, i know people who arent for moral reasons and you only ever get veggie food at their place for dinner, yet they expect to not eat meat if they come to mine ie i have to make a special dinner. Luckly i love all food so i dont care if its veggie or not, but some people do care.


So you are one of the people who is against it for moral reason and is still serving it at your wedding, hats off to you! That is more than polite of you and is really putting your guests first, nice one!

Whispered

I think it would be wrong to not serve meat at my wedding because it's shoving my ideals on others. EDIT: and because my OH is not vegetarian. But I just want to point out that for the majority of vegetarians, the difference between their reasons for not eating meat and simply not liking it would be pretty vast. Yet obviously not serving meat would be frowned upon by nearly everybody when there is a whole other level of reasons to not serving it, beyond disliking it or trying to save money.

I know it's not an issue to most people I just wanted to point it out because I think it's not a very good comparasion.

I think spotty elephants analogy of the band is much more similar to the wine or no wine debate tbh.

Enii

Cincikchick wrote: »

by offering wine only you are stipulating what people can drink! :rolleyes:

Yes but you are doing it straight up.

Better to offer wine rather then offer to buy a drink BUT only on condition that it costs under a certain amount of money.

Toots

Enii wrote: »

Yes but you are doing it straight up.

Better to offer wine rather then offer to buy a drink BUT only on condition that it costs under a certain amount of money.

Well it wouldn't make a difference to me if someone ordered a pint or a glass of good brandy, however I think ordering a double/triple or expensive cocktail at a wedding is just plain cheeky! Of course the drinks are going to have to be under a certain amount of money, most people are on a tight enough budget as it is with weddings! In fairness, the waiters aren't going to be going around to each person going 'Would you like a drink for the toast but just not doubles etc.' They'd only say it if someone asked for a double.

Enii

Toots* wrote: »

Well it wouldn't make a difference to me if someone ordered a pint or a glass of good brandy, however I think ordering a double/triple or expensive cocktail at a wedding is just plain cheeky! Of course the drinks are going to have to be under a certain amount of money, most people are on a tight enough budget as it is with weddings! In fairness, the waiters aren't going to be going around to each person going 'Would you like a drink for the toast but just not doubles etc.' They'd only say it if someone asked for a double.

So you are basically telling people who are drinking cocktails or doubles that you are not prepared to stump up for their drink?

If you are on a tight budget why not just have wine available rather then penny pinching over a few euro for a few people who are drinking doubles or cocktails. It will make it easier for you as you can budget for an exact amount per drink.

iguana

I know quite a lot of people who are vegetarian for moral reasons so I would automatically assume that their weddings would be vegetarian food only and it wouldn't bother me at all. Why the hell would I expect someone who think 'meat is murder' to pay for 50-200 meaty dinners. I bet it would make them feel uncomfortable about their wedding and it's their wedding. I was invited to a veggie wedding last month, I didn't make it because my husband was in hospital, but I fully respect the bride and groom's choice. I don't know if the food was nice or not, but lets be honest, most wedding dinners are mediocre at best anyway, meat or no meat. (I love meat, btw, and eat it or fish/poultry 2/3 times a day.)

As for being at a wedding which had no drinks laid on, I guess it would depend on why. It is possible to have a moral problem with alcohol. If someone doesn't drink for religious reasons they may also feel prohibited from buying alcohol for others. Or if the bride/groom/both are recovering alcoholics they may not feel comfortable buying alcohol. Or if one/both grew up in an alcoholic environment and feel that alcohol ruined their childhood. There are lots of reasons for someone to be genuinely uncomfortable with buying alcohol and people shouldn't feel compelled to do something they are uncomfortable on their wedding day.

Spanish Eyes

I would serve wine no question. Doesn't have to be the top of the range. You can get some at a very good price and good quality if you know what you are looking for. Iced water on the table (lime, lemon and a few strawberries in the jug makes the water talked about!) for the non drinkers, or the pint drinkers.

If people have a moral/health etc. problem with supplying alcohol at a wedding, that won't solve the problem, folk will go and buy it themselves and get hammered just the same.

If folk do not want or can't afford to serve wine or a toast, they should have a small intimate wedding celebration with like minded people and if they want, have a party at a later stage where you just pay for the venue and a few ham sangers or something. Have been to big, small, party later, weddings, and have enjoyed them all. The one thing guests notice is anything that smacks of meanness.

Whispered

iguana wrote: »

I know quite a lot of people who are vegetarian for moral reasons so I would automatically assume that their weddings would be vegetarian food only and it wouldn't bother me at all. Why the hell would I expect someone who think 'meat is murder' to pay for 50-200 meaty dinners. I bet it would make them feel uncomfortable about their wedding and it's their wedding. I was invited to a veggie wedding last month, I didn't make it because my husband was in hospital, but I fully respect the bride and groom's choice. I don't know if the food was nice or not, but lets be honest, most wedding dinners are mediocre at best anyway, meat or no meat. (I love meat, btw, and eat it or fish/poultry 2/3 times a day.).

That is a lovely way to be. Very understanding. (I hope your husband is ok now)

Did you hear how the veggie wedding went? How it was recieved by the guests?

My OH eats meat and wanted it served at the wedding to be "normal". So we settled on no poultry or pork(my two most hated of industries) and a veggie starter.

Anyway my apologies on draggin the thread OT. I'll go away now

Toots

Enii wrote: »

So you are basically telling people who are drinking cocktails or doubles that you are not prepared to stump up for their drink?

That's pretty much exactly what I'm telling people. I'm not on a 'tight' budget, but by the same token, I think €1500 on a round of drinks is a shocking amount of money. I wouldn't call it penny pinching at all, if a few hundred euro is 'pennies' to you, then fair enough, but I can't justify spending that amount on one round. I'm sure it wouldn't kill anyone to have a little less vodka in their vodka and coke :rolleyes:

Knowing most of my guests as I do, I'd say the situation won't even arise, however the line must be drawn somewhere, and I certainly don't want to be checking out the morning after my wedding and be told there's an extra few hundred to pay because a few people wanted doubles.

If you are on a tight budget why not just have wine available rather then penny pinching over a few euro for a few people who are drinking doubles or cocktails. It will make it easier for you as you can budget for an exact amount per drink.

We are having wine available, there will be half bottle per person for the meal. We are doing an open toast for the speeches.

milly4ever

i went to a salvation army wedding- they do not drink and there was no alcohol there. we made toasts with schloer.
i completely respect the fact that they don't drink- why should they compromise their beliefs just because others cannot do without wine for one night?
equally if a couple do not want wine at their reception, surely it's their decision, as it's their big day the food will have already been decided by them, so why not the drinks?

Toots

I was just looking through a few of the brochures for different hotels that we got when we were choosing a venue (late night spring cleaning rules) and a lot of them have in the Ts&Cs 'wine must be served with the meal' :eek: I think that's a bit much! Whatever about a couple choosing not to do it for whatever reason, but I didn't realise some hotels were insisting on it! Now these were 2009 brochures so perhaps some have changed their conditions since then, but still I was quite surprised to see that.