Girlfriend away - should I worry

stoneytoad

I've been seeing this girl for 2 years. She has gone travelling with friends to the USA for 2 months. We agreed to be faithful. Now she tells me she has being faithful, but "fooled around".

I tried to put it out of my head but keep thinking about what she got up to. I wish I hadn't. She told me how she shared a bed with a guy. Said they didn't have intercourse, but did have oral sex.

Should I forget about this? As a holiday experience or worry?

Sanjuro

stoneytoad wrote: »

"fooled around".

Sorry, but the relationship's over. No question about it.

Kiera

stoneytoad wrote: »

I've been seeing this girl for 2 years. She has gone travelling with friends to the USA for 2 months. We agreed to be faithful. Now she tells me she has being faithful, but "fooled around".

I tried to put it out of my head but keep thinking about what she got up to. I wish I hadn't. She told me how she shared a bed with a guy. Said they didn't have intercourse, but did have oral sex.

Should I forget about this? As a holiday experience or worry?

She said she's remained faithful but has had oral? That’s not staying faithful to you. Even if it was only a snog she would still have been unfaithful to you.

You need to have a chat with her and ask her if she is going to continue doing this while she is away. If so you need to have a long hard think about getting back with her. Can you forget this and move on when she gets back? Or maybe she is doing this so you lose interest in her?

I think its very selfish of her to tell you this while she is still away tbh.

stoneytoad

She said she didn't expect things to go that far. They had been drinking all day as a group and she thought it would be ok for them to cuddle (it was very cold that night). It was the next morning before she realised what she'd done. She cried when she told me and said it was a silly thing she felt bad about.

star-pants

Agree with the others here.
That's ridiculous - she's only gone for 2 months not a year and even then people can stay faithful. 2months is nothing in the scale of things.

You guys made an agreement to stay faithful to each other, she's broken that - she's not even just kissed someone, she's done what she's done. In my book, that's game over.

You need to think if you want to be with her when she comes back, personally I don't think I could. That she couldn't go a few weeks? (as I assume her 2months aren't up yet) It's not something I'd class as 'holiday experience'.

edit - just seen your new post.
'it was very cold that night and wanted to cuddle' ? = lame excuse to me.
If she was 'that drunk' she'd have passed out before being able to do anything.

then again - it's up to you, what you think of it.

Kiera

stoneytoad wrote: »

She said she didn't expect things to go that far. They had been drinking all day as a group and she thought it would be ok for them to cuddle (it was very cold that night). It was the next morning before she realised what she'd done. She cried when she told me and said it was a silly thing she felt bad about.

I'm sorry but she put herself in that position. She was willing to cuddle another guy instead of getting an extra blanket or putting extra clothes on.

You dont just get into bed with a guy for a cuddle. By doing that you are leaving yourself open to something happening.

kittenkiller

If she doesn't see it as cheating you're probably on very different wavelenghts.

If you do consider this to be cheating (like most people would) then it's over.
Move on.

Sorry.

yop

Jeebus, give her the bullet mate.

Its not rocket science this for her, "didn't have intercourse but had oral", wow but her meaning of faithful is fupped up!!!

Do yourself a favor and save heartache in the future but give her road.

ManOfMystery

It's called oral SEX for a reason. She cheated on your, despite her protestations ...... she's trying her best to play this down.

In my book at least, this would be a deal breaker.

I can't believe you're even asking this. She cheated on you. She didn't even have the balls to say 'look, I made an awful mistake', instead she pretended she didn't know what was happening? Stupid bints like her are why some men think so little of women. Dump her.

seamus

Even getting down to the basics - a cuddle may not constitute cheating, but she wanted that cuddle because she was attracted to the guy and she acted on that attraction. She put herself in the situation.

Remember, it was a "mistake", not an accident. Big difference. Tell her now that it's over, and go off and enjoy yourself.

If she can't go a couple of weeks without sticking some other guy's cock in her mouth, then you can be assured that she will continue to do this kind of thing and then bawl about how she'd been drinking and didn't intend for it to go that far, until it gets to the point where she's going out with her mates, riding all around her and making you look like a complete mug.

She has no respect for you. If she did, she wouldn't have even cuddled with this guy. Dump her. Not when she gets back, now.

helimachoptor

Agree with the rest of the posters, very cruel to tell you while she's still away, gonna leave you torturing yourself til she gets back,

Best to give her the chop and move on buddy.

Wagon

stoneytoad wrote: »

Now she tells me she has being faithful, but "fooled around".

What this literally says is "im not cheating on you but i cheated a bit".

Said they didn't have intercourse, but did have oral sex.

That's cheating man. After 2 years and she doesnt' consider this cheating, she hasn't got a clue.

Should I forget about this? As a holiday experience or worry?

Me and my girlfriend are in a long distance relationship. We went 4 months without seeing each other before christmas and neither of us cheated. We've been on seperate holidays as well and didn't cheat either. Your missus couldn't even go 2 months without "accidently" blowing some guy she decided to share a bed with to keep warm? Sorry man, id say the best thing to do is give her the boot and don't look back. It's not just the act itself, it's more the way she tried to pass it off as nothing. It just means that if she can get away with once, she'll do it again.

AnonoBoy

"Oh it was cold, I needed someone to cuddle."

Please.

She wanted a bit of action and now feels bad. Tough. She did it.

Sorry dude but she'll most likely do it again.

End it.

She'll cry and apologise and say she's sorry (and she may be sorry). But if she can't head off for a few weeks without blowing someone else then she's not the girl for you.

Believe me. Save yourself the heartache down the line and just end it now.

sunnyside

Sharing a bed to keep warm is a really sexy thing to be doing, it's not practical at all. Exception probably if you are climbing mountains in the snow or something. Otherwise hot water bottle or extra clothes.

PopUp

kittenkiller wrote: »

If she doesn't see it as cheating you're probably on very different wavelenghts.

If you do consider this to be cheating (like most people would) then it's over.
Move on.

Sorry.

+1.

You deserve better than this OP.

Kicks

Everyone has it spot on here - "Forget about it?" Please don't do that to yourself! Come on, think about it, a drunk snog is probably the only thing you could consider forgiving (and I mean consider forgiving) but same bed and oral sex? Big red flag on that one, especially since it's two years you guys are dating now...if it was two weeks then you might say you hadn't been through the "we're a couple" thing but two years is ridiculous.

What now? You meet her off the plane and give her a welcome home kiss...you sure when you kiss her you won't now be thinking where her mouth was not so long ago while you two were supposed to be together?

For me this would be so cut and dry end of relationship from the moment she would have told me that - regardless of drink she actually made that choice, no-one accidentally gives someone oral and continues it, she wanted to do it and you're being taken for the proverbial ride if you continue to stay with her.

And it was a cold night - that's the worst excuse in the history books - like others said, get a blanket, hot water bottle, turn on the heat, wear some extra clothes... Hey put it this way, if you go away someplace and are cold, are you going to warm your face between some girls legs? Think she'd go "oh really? it was cold and you put your tongue inside a girl for some warmth, that's FINE babe! As long as you didn't get frostbite, I'm so glad you found warmth that night"...eh, I don't think so!

End it and find someone you deserve.

WellyJ

Really simple this one. Get rid.

Sephiroth_dude

stoneytoad wrote: »

I've been seeing this girl for 2 years. She has gone travelling with friends to the USA for 2 months. We agreed to be faithful. Now she tells me she has being faithful, but "fooled around".

I tried to put it out of my head but keep thinking about what she got up to. I wish I hadn't. She told me how she shared a bed with a guy. Said they didn't have intercourse, but did have oral sex.

Should I forget about this? As a holiday experience or worry?

You should'nt forget it,you should dump her,thats not acceptable,Id show her the door if I was you.

kryogen

as has been said, give her the bullet

not worth holding on to something if you are the only one who is 100% in the relationship

she broke the bond you have, in my experience its almost impossible to recover from it

the biggest issue i would have is that after telling you she blew another guy she said that she had been faithful?? wtf like?

you have had a lucky escape here imo

FoldingFTW

End it now she is a cheat and if she thinks its not cheating, she will keep doing it, leave now and keep your self respect. How are you ever gonna have piece of mind again while she is out with friends. Ultimately i can only see you becoming paranoid and never having any peace of mind with this girl and you are only going to torture youself. End it move on and find a girl who deserves you.

Also ok some girls get really drunk and end up kissing a guy and have sex because the guy on top is doing all the work. But really how if she is so drunk can she give oral and not know what she is doing. This is a lousy excuse really, not that im defending girls who get drunk and end up having sex.

stoneytoad

Thanks for all the replies. Everyone is saying the same thing? End of the relationship? The trouble is that I love this girl so much. I can't imagine not having her in my life. Perhaps I should have gone with her (I couldn't get all that time off work) and this wouldn't have happened.

Also, I may have done things to push her away. I acted jealous before when she started going swimming with a male friend at her job. I overreacted saying that it wasn't right. My selflessness might be the real problem here? Or part of it anyway.

kittenkiller

stoneytoad wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. Everyone is saying the same thing? End of the relationship? The trouble is that I love this girl so much. I can't imagine not having her in my life. Perhaps I should have gone with her (I couldn't get all that time off work) and this wouldn't have happened.

Also, I may have done things to push her away. I acted jealous before when she started going swimming with a male friend at her job. I overreacted saying that it wasn't right. My selflessness might be the real problem here? Or part of it anyway.

Did *you* put the other man's willy in her mouth too?
No excuse.
Don't let her make you doubt yourself! It's ridiculous that she'd try to brush this off her and onto you.
She cheated.
It's not your fault!
How bad would you feel if the situation was reversed and you had gone off with another girl?
Would you feel like you had cheated?
If so, welcome to the world of being human!

Don't start to doubt yourself!

TheDriver

stoneytoad wrote: »

The trouble is that I love this girl so much.

but she obviously doesn't love you to that extent

End it Mate, don't listen to her apologies. It would be one thing if she kissed someone while drunk but she blew a guy, thats more or less one night stand.

Taltos

stoneytoad wrote: »

Perhaps I should have gone with her (I couldn't get all that time off work) and this wouldn't have happened.
.

Wanna bet?
You are spot on - it would not have happened then.
But in 5 yrs with 4 kids - you would have come home early some day to find her keeping some random stranger warm.

Don't walk - run.
FFS - and stop making excuses, like -"I love her so much"
One sided love is not love. Trust me - you will get over this b1tch - and you will find someone who will love you as much as you love them.

Leave her - staying with someone who spun you a line like this - does not show someone sorry for messing up - it shows someone who thinks you are so thick that you will buy any excuse.
What will it be next time? - err the cops arrived - he had to hide it or be arrested for indecent exposure and there was only one place it could go...

Run.

Kicks

stoneytoad wrote: »

Perhaps I should have gone with her (I couldn't get all that time off work) and this wouldn't have happened.

Ok but you didn't ... jesus man, sounds like your blaming this on yourself! Snap out of it! A relationship should be able to last through someone being away from 2 months without her giving some guy a blowjob!!!

stoneytoad wrote: »

Also, I may have done things to push her away. I acted jealous before when she started going swimming with a male friend at her job. I overreacted saying that it wasn't right. My selflessness might be the real problem here? Or part of it anyway.

You sure she wasn't blowing him too? She seems willing to do it to some guy she only just met... There's nothing wrong with a little jealousy, her reaction to you being jealous is to do what she did? Well then you can't live like that, jealousy is natural and you have to be allowed to show it sometimes otherwise you're just a puppet playing a part in the relationship.

Please please please dont blame this on yourself! By your responses you sound a little fragile, maybe because you're in a really bad place right now. Try to look at it as if this was a friend of yours, he tells you his girl went away from 2 months and gave a guy a BJ...what would you tell him!? "She's a great catch, hang onto her bud she'll treat you right, she's definately marriage material." No chance!

It's not your fault! You did nothing to deserve that - if she wants that sort of thing then she should have broken up with you before leaving. Is there a penis shortage or something? Like if she realised thats what she wanted there's nothing stopping her not blowing him, ringing you the next day saying she wants a break, then meeting the guy another day...she did this while you two were in a relationship together.

Wibbs

I'm the forgiving sort, but that would be way too far for me. By you not reacting and dumping her arse you're tacitly approving of it. Actually nothing tacit about it. Youre saying to her "I could never get anyone like you so I'll let you do anything to me because I have self esteem. Please walk on my heart". No way mate. Scrape her off

You'll find someone else. Someone better. Fact. half the world are women. Yu reckon with those odds you wont find better than this disloyal person? Do yourself a big favour and drop her cheating arse. Id put money this wasnt the first time either.

star-pants

stoneytoad wrote: »

Perhaps I should have gone with her (I couldn't get all that time off work) and this wouldn't have happened.

... My selflessness might be the real problem here? Or part of it anyway.

So now you have to go everywhere with her to make sure she doesn't 'accidentally' have sex with anyone???
Or next time you ask 'who're you texting?' she's going to hop out and score some bloke cuz you're ''jealous''?

Look I honestly get how it's hard when you love someone and you don't want to let them go. But this girl couldn't last a matter of WEEKS without having oral SEX with a guy. She didn't just drunkenly kiss the chap, she went a whole lot further. Which requires being awake and thus having some idea of what is going on. She didn't say she started it and then stopped going 'omg what am I doing'.
She did it, then said she was being faithful, then said 'no well I fooled around a little', then cried at you saying 'oh I'm so sorry'.

Sorry buddy, I've been cheated on before, it's sh*tty and tbh no matter how much I cared, I would never be able to trust them again. It would always be in my head, and without trust, you have no relationship.

What if she goes away for a few days on a girly weekend? You can't go there - what if she gets drunk and cold?

I'm really not trying to be b*tchy, but if she can't last a few weeks without cheating like that, you really really need to call this relationship into question.
*You* may love her, but from what she's done, she doesn't love you enough.

Kicks

star-pants wrote: »

You can't go there - what if she gets drunk and cold?

That's it right there! You'll basically be worried now even if she's bloody cold :eek: cause she needs a guy to warm her up...get rid of her fast!

Liam Byrne

Wibbs wrote: »

Youre saying to her "I could never get anyone like you "

It's ironic; I'd nearly have said that to her. As part of the following sentence.

"I'll never be with anyone like you again; Thankfully!!!!

The next person is going to be someone worthwhile; someone who respects me and doesn't act like a desperate, thoughtless tramp"

P.S. BTW.....if you do go against all the advice here, at the very least tell her to go for a check-up before ye have make-up sex (it's a bit like "on holidays, drunken non-sex" only with a doormat that takes someone back after they've been shown 100% pure contempt) because you don't want to catch anything....actually, I don't even know how you could kiss that mouth, but that's entirely up to you.

d-gal

Would it be ok for you to to get oral sex of another girl?
Your still being faithful in your eyes.

For your own sake dump her

LegacyUser

imagine it was the other way round do you think she would be as came and forgiving as you.


i mean you could have easily gone out, drank loads and brought some girl home.

look if you forgive her and act like its all ok because you love her a trust her then she is more likely to do it again. its like giving a green flag.

if she really wanted this to last and lead to growing old together she wouldn't even kiss another guy no matter how hot he is or how cold it is.

sounds like you love her and don't want to give up on it. so give it a break for a while let her realize what she had and lost. she will come to her senses.

then its up to you if you want to continue with it or not. but life is too short for crap like this so sit her down and discuss your relationship.

carolmon

Liam Byrne wrote: »

I don't even know how you could kiss that mouth, but that's entirely up to you.

lol just love the way everybody automatically presumes she was doing the giving... would it make any difference if she was receiving???

anyway OP you clearly have very different ideas of what is being "faithful" so I suggest you either have a talk and sort out boundaries or just decide to move on if you feel you cannot get over this.

Liam Byrne

carolmon wrote: »

lol just love the way everybody automatically presumes she was doing the giving... would it make any difference if she was receiving???

No. She still cheated.

jenga-jen

OP for god's sake, at the very LEAST you need to take a break from this girls.

And that's ONLY if you believe the romanticised version of your gf in your head (you know, the one that didn't go down on some guy) and decide not to heed everyone's advice on here!

If you do go 'on a break' then please please please let her do all the running when she realises that she's lost a great guy for the sake of something meaningless!

krudler

stoneytoad wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. Everyone is saying the same thing? End of the relationship? The trouble is that I love this girl so much. I can't imagine not having her in my life. Perhaps I should have gone with her (I couldn't get all that time off work) and this wouldn't have happened.

Also, I may have done things to push her away. I acted jealous before when she started going swimming with a male friend at her job. I overreacted saying that it wasn't right. My selflessness might be the real problem here? Or part of it anyway.

Yeah its entirely your fault that she gave another guy a blowjob, are you kidding op? ditch this tramp immediately

LegacyUser

Rush to judgement all you want, but I would be reluctant to counsel just tell her that its over. Life is too short to hold people you love to perfect standards. People make mistakes, they hurt people they love. That is life.

My problem with all this is two-fold. Not that she fecked up. That can happen the best of us, and if you truly believe that it is a genuine mistake, if you believe she's sorry and not part of her normal pattern of behaviour, then I wouldn't argue it isn't a reason to break up.

1) Why did she tell you? Is she looking to you, to break it all off? The two of you are apart, by the sounds of things for the first time proper for any meaningful time. Maybe she has discovered some freedom, and without having to look you in the eye, wants to create a device for a break-up.

2) Second, if she doesn't realise she has made a massive mistake, then move one. People make mistakes as I've said. However, if they can't see their own mistakes, they can't accept that forgiving it will be a big deal for you, and therefore, they'll end up holding it against you.

The second point is what I'd focus on. Does she know what she did is wrong, and that it has hurt you?

krudler

who iced wrote: »

Rush to judgement all you want, but I would be reluctant to counsel just tell her that its over. Life is too short to hold people you love to perfect standards. People make mistakes, they hurt people they love. That is life.

My problem with all this is two-fold. Not that she fecked up. That can happen the best of us, and if you truly believe that it is a genuine mistake, if you believe she's sorry and not part of her normal pattern of behaviour, then I wouldn't argue it isn't a reason to break up.

1) Why did she tell you? Is she looking to you, to break it all off? The two of you are apart, by the sounds of things for the first time proper for any meaningful time. Maybe she has discovered some freedom, and without having to look you in the eye, wants to create a device for a break-up.

2) Second, if she doesn't realise she has made a massive mistake, then move one. People make mistakes as I've said. However, if they can't see their own mistakes, they can't accept that forgiving it will be a big deal for you, and therefore, they'll end up holding it against you.

The second point is what I'd focus on. Does she know what she did is wrong, and that it has hurt you?

I've never met anyone that mistakenly put a guys dick in their mouth

Buddy you shouldn't be worried, you should be relieved.

Secondly, don't listen to her words, don't ever listen to anyones words, just bottom line their actions. Saves time.

Now, what do her actions tell you ? Go ahead and bottom line it...I'd do it for you but I don't think that would help.

The fact you say you love her is great, but that's besides the point because this girl doesn't love you because otherwise if it was a genuine error, however that may be explained is beyond me, but if it was a genuine drunken mistake, or if it was just a couple of months of sex with strangers she was after (classy girl), she still wouldn't have told you because 1) you wouldn't find out anyway and 2) she'd get it out of her system and would know if she wants to be with you or not, 3) if she was seriously sorry or regretful, she wouldn't have told you and you'd get on with it. Telling you relieves her of her guilty feeling, and does nothing for you. It's also her way of saying "I'm a coward, take the hint, you're dumped"

Sorry buddy but consider yourself lucky. Imagine if you were married with kids...

qt9ukbg60ivjrn

stoneytoad wrote: »

My selflessness might be the real problem here? Or part of it anyway.

I'd say the real problem here is that she was SUCKING SOMEONE ELSES COCK

have some self respect, only an idiot would accept that excuse..."i just wanted a cuddle", i actually can't believe she even told you that

i really can't believe you're unsure of what to do, i know you love her but if one of your friends presented this situation to you surely your advice is the same as what everyone on this thread has been telling you

she still might love you but she doesn't care enough about you to not cheat on you, i've cheated in the past and thats what it was when i think about it, i was still in love with the girl but just didn't care enough about her to stop myself

Bottle_of_Smoke

Gonna play devils advocate:

No, I'm not. There's no coming back from this. None. I'd bet my bottom dollar she gave you the sugar coated version too. Pulled at a party then went to his place for full sex sounds a lot more likely to me.

ManOfMystery

OP, it's my firm belief that a partner needs to respect their other half.

Obviously by giving some other guy a blowjob, she has no respect for you.

If I was in your shoes, I would have absolutely no respect for her either after this act.

However, by accepting this and even falling into the trap of thinking it may have somehow been your fault, you lose any chance you ever will of garnering respect from her. Do you think most women want a man who lets them get away with anything and even takes some of the blame? You can be kind, loving and attentive - but that doesn't mean you have to be weak.

At the risk of sounding harsh - open your eyes, grow a set, and let her know how big a mistake she has made.

Also, you need to get over this fear of losing her. Unfortunately you already lost her the moment she decided it was ok to put another man's dick in her mouth. It's how you deal with it from here on in that matters - you can accept her back, she'll think you're a walkover and probably do this again ......................... or you can realise that you've just lost an unreliable cheat of a partner and that she's probably done you a favour in the long run, and get out there and meet someone better.

Good luck

cournioni

Ask her what she would think if the tables were turned and you had performed oral on someone you had met on a night out... I'm sure she'd be delighted.

easyontheeye

she pleasured another man with her mouth... the same lips she would plan to kiss you with! keep that in mind.

in my book Oral is worse than sex... far too intimate... shes gone out of her way to please him... dumped.

The Nice Jumper

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Gonna play devils advocate:

No, I'm not. There's no coming back from this. None. I'd bet my bottom dollar she gave you the sugar coated version too. Pulled at a party then went to his place for full sex sounds a lot more likely to me.

Well she must feel very guilty about it if she tells him about it. I would say she sincerely regrets what she did. If she didn't respect him she would never have told him. Obviously none of us would be happy if we were in his position, but we don't know what kind of relationship these 2 have. Maybe they'll be stronger as a result of it.

Anyway, sounds like she's on a J1 or something...if that's the case then I think people should stop being so preachy. This guy should just tell her that it's off and that he'll talk about it when she gets back home, see where they stand then.

krudler

The Nice Jumper wrote: »

Well she must feel very guilty about it if she tells him about it. I would say she sincerely regrets what she did. If she didn't respect him she would never have told him. Obviously none of us would be happy if we were in his position, but we don't know what kind of relationship these 2 have. Maybe they'll be stronger as a result of it.

Anyway, sounds like she's on a J1 or something...if that's the case then I think people should stop being so preachy. This guy should just tell her that it's off and that he'll talk about it when she gets back home, see where they stand then.

Yeah noting strenghtens a relationship quite like one of the people involved having another persons genitals in their mouth

Just because she's on a J1 or something gives her the right to cheat on her boyfriend? what planet are you on?

The Nice Jumper

krudler wrote: »

Yeah noting strenghtens a relationship quite like one of the people involved having another persons genitals in their mouth

Just because she's on a J1 or something gives her the right to cheat on her boyfriend? what planet are you on?

I'm not condoning her actions, I'm just saying that people need to put things into perspective. We don't necessarily know all the facts here. I think age/J1 are relevant here. I was on a J1 when I was about that age and in that sort of environment anything can happen. It could have just been drunken, horny curiosity that drove her to it, and she must be sincerely remorseful for it to confess to him. She's probably been surrounded by horny J1ers for 2 months solid!

Also, people, why the penis obsession? She had a penis in her mouth, is this really the most evil/depraved thing imaginable??? It's not as if it was the Devil's penis! Examples...

I don't even know how you could kiss that mouth, but that's entirely up to you.

Yeah its entirely your fault that she gave another guy a blowjob, are you kidding op? ditch this tramp immediately

I've never met anyone that mistakenly put a guys dick in their mouth

I'd say the real problem here is that she was SUCKING SOMEONE ELSES COCK

OP, it's my firm belief that a partner needs to respect their other half.

Obviously by giving some other guy a blowjob, she has no respect for you.

she pleasured another man with her mouth... the same lips she would plan to kiss you with! keep that in mind.

Liam Byrne

The Nice Jumper wrote: »

Also, people, why the penis obsession? She had a penis in her mouth, is this really the most evil/depraved thing imaginable???

It wasn't her boyfriend's, so yes.

The Nice Jumper

Liam Byrne wrote: »

It wasn't her boyfriend's, so yes.

Is it not fair to say that just about every woman out there has had a langer in her mouth at some stage. So going by your logic, how would you kiss any woman given her sexual history?

Silverfish

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LegacyUser

I've never met anyone that mistakenly put a guys dick in their mouth

I clearly meant mistake as something that she would not do again.

Ideally she would have shut up about the whole event, and paradise would remain unspoiled. But she didn't and rather than have a fixation on her having some other lads penis in your mouth, I'd try and look at things in the round. Make a balanced call. People make mistakes. If she realises she has made a mistake, and your happier with her than without, then I'd give it another shot.