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Single parent AGAIN!

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Comments

  • #32
    seahorse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭seahorse


    Pete4779 wrote: »
    No they haven't treated you like crap.

    Yes they have. Wait till the day a woman drops the baby you both made outside your door in a basket and then come back here and say that.
    Pete4779 wrote: »
    You are independent, financially secure, own your own home, etc., . You haven't wanted a partner in all that time as clearly you have strived to provide for yourself and the result is the life you have now - it is the product of how you have lived it. You have two children because you wanted children, but likely over the past 40 years did not want to be married and feel dependent on someone else.

    The woman was left with no choice but to get her act together financially as she was burdened with doing the job of both mother AND father. If she'd decided to be a stay-at-home mother existing on benefits and the fathers financial contribution she'd be labeled a scounger/layabout/gold-digger or whatever else it suited ignoramuses to call her. Women in this situation cannot win in the court of public opinion - That's why the court of public opinion can fukoff as far as I'm concerned.
    Pete4779 wrote: »
    Did either man do anything wrong? really? I don't see how.

    They abandoned their own flesh and blood. How much more potent an example of 'wrong' do you want?
    Pete4779 wrote: »
    You say "I have a good job, am intelligent, own my own home, am attractive and have a good sense of humour" - all great qualities in a man that you would read on a personal ad. But are those things that a man genuinely finds attractive in a woman? I don't particularly think so, except maybe intelligence.

    Since when have men stopped appreciating attractive women who don't have one eye on their wallets and who they can have a laugh with?


  • #33
    seahorse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭seahorse


    Riskymove wrote: »
    grand, but my point was that not only should individuals take their own responsibility for contraception, they should also expect it of others and if a woman does not wish to become pregnant and wants to do as much as possible to prevent it they should insist on the double contraception...rather than just blame men for only relying on the pill

    I accept that as a reasonable opinion but I think if we are going to get into quantifying who is more to blame in a situation like this then it clearly is the person who didn't bother with any form of personal contraception at all.


  • #34
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Look, there is NO blame in my situation anyway. And if I'm honest, I'm not interested in even blaming the pill. Yes, it was a shock when I got pregnant. No, I didn't want any more children, nor did my partner.
    But I have decided to take responsibility for what has happened. This is my child and its not really relevant (to me anyhow), that my ex partner has decided not to be involved. Of course I would love both my children to be known and loved by their fathers. Of course I would. And should either of them ever knock at my door, I will do all I can to facilitate a relationship for my children.
    And I have to agree seahorse - these men have treated me like crap. But they are treating their own children even worse!


  • #35
    seahorse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭seahorse


    I think 'blame' is probably not the most accurate word I could have used Unreg40; 'responsibility' would have been more appropriate. My point was that when a child is created and one person has tried to control thier own fertility and the other has not I think the weight of responsibility is heavier in one direction than the other. That's just my opinion but I think the point Miec made earlier in the thread about young men needing to be taught to take more responsibility for their own fertility was very apt.

    Anyway I'm glad you've decided to keep your baby and no doubt you'll be thrilled to bits when s/he arrives. :)


  • #36
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    First of congrats on the news, it came as a surprise but a new baby is the most exciting thing!!

    I didn't read all the replies but just wanted to say well done, you seem to really have your head sorted out. As regards to the father of your unborn baby, how long has it been since he found out your pregnant? Seeing as you have only being seeing each other for 6 months it may just take him time to get his head round it. What age is he do you mind me asking? Hopefully once babs arrives he'll take more responsibility. They say men don't have a connection to the baby til they hold them in their arms whereas women feel that baby move around inside them, theres a connection there from the time they find out. Well there was for me anyway! Hope it all works out for you...How has he been towards you since he found out? Were you more casual or were you properly together?

    Also wanted to say well done with doing it alone with your 6 year old. I understand how hard it can be. I hope I can get my act together the way you have. Sounds corny but your an inspiration to me, I hope that by then time my daughters 6 I have accomplished as much as you have :)


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  • #37
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Pete4779 wrote: »
    No they haven't treated you like crap. You are independent, financially secure, own your own home, etc., . You haven't wanted a partner in all that time as clearly you have strived to provide for yourself and the result is the life you have now - it is the product of how you have lived it. You have two children because you wanted children, but likely over the past 40 years did not want to be married and feel dependent on someone else.

    Did either man do anything wrong? really? I don't see how.

    You say "I have a good job, am intelligent, own my own home, am attractive and have a good sense of humour" - all great qualities in a man that you would read on a personal ad. But are those things that a man genuinely finds attractive in a woman? I don't particularly think so, except maybe intelligence.

    Did you actually read any of OPs posts? The first guy decided to have a child with her have a child with her after a long term relationship even went so far as going to the GP to get fertility drugs with her, then suddenly decided he didn't want a child and left her with all the responsibility of child care. Ignored his own child. Even had to go to court to assist them financially. Then went around spreading lies about her having trapped him! If anything he trapped her!

    If you don't think that's dong anything wrong, then you have very different standards of right and wrong then I do!

    OP, well done for being such a good parent and well done for not being bitter about what's happened to you. I would ignore some of the comments on her, I think some people have been quite harsh and assumed certain things about you and your situation.

    I don't think not having a father will be as much an issue for your children as you might think. I was in the same situation as your daughters. My father left my mum pregnant and didn't have anything to do with me and I was fine. Like you, my mum was great, she was a supportive parent, she financially supported both of us, I couldn't have wanted anything else. When I was 19 my dad contacted me, if he hadn't I don't think I would have ever bothered with him. He simple wasn't part of my life and I wasn't any worse of for that. Now he's sorry for missing out on the chance to have me as a daughter but it was his choice and it's to late really for him ever to be a father to me.

    Just carry on the way you are and do the best for your children.


  • #38
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thank you for your kind words! It is very difficult to raise a child alone, but I think time is the best 'healer'. Seriously, as your child gets older, it becomes easier. The early days are the most difficult (is your child young?) and there were times when I thought I'd never get thru the day. But they are like a blur now!

    We were properly together for just over 6 months and although he hasn't treated me badly as such, he hasnt been in touch at all in over a month now. Knew about scan dates etc but didn't contact me. I used to hope that when my daughter was born, her dad was come around because I'm aware that its harder for men to accept pregnancy than women (even if you're married 10 years!). But he didn't so I'm trying not to be hopeful this time around - more pragmatic!


  • #39
    miec
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 856 ✭✭✭miec


    Did either man do anything wrong? really? I don't see how.
    They have abandoned their children and let the Op carry the burden of raising them alone. If you see nothing wrong with this type of behaviour then your moral compass is way of kilter.
    You say "I have a good job, am intelligent, own my own home, am attractive and have a good sense of humour" - all great qualities in a man that you would read on a personal ad. But are those things that a man genuinely finds attractive in a woman? I don't particularly think so, except maybe intelligence.

    Strange viewpoint, so you would prefer a woman to be completely dependent on you.

    Op you are amazingly strong and got your stuff together, I hope someday that you will meet a lovely genuine man out there because there are some but maybe not yet but I hope it happens for you.


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