Ex hubby rejection.

LegacyUser

Hi guys/gals,

I really appreciate all the varied perspectives on our situation. Turns out ex is living with his new interest and has been since he left me and kids???, (my kids told me this eve when they returned). Have now realised that he is quite simply spineless and doesn't want anything or anyone cramping his style, I don't know if I should tell eldest the full truth at this stage as kids blurted out everything in front of him this afternoon, (they simply think she's a friend) If I do tell him I'll wait a bit till I get over the kick in the guts myself as not too strong at the moment. And guys /gals I understand the debate over the value and seriousness of the adoption but he has justified all his actions to himself already....Wasted enough breath over the years on that one.
Have one question though, i have asked him some time ago for the address so I know where the kids are staying when not with me? He refuses to give it...Am I being unreasonable in this request?

Thank you all so much for your input, who needs a therapist with such precious wisdom at my finger tips.

XXX

LegacyUser

Responses to some of ur points - Jimmycrackcorn
Can you even see the level of immaturity in ur comments?? I prob shouldn't even respond.

"it takes two to tango and the child may not have made any effort to accept the new step-dad either..."
Who is the grown up here??? U cannot expect a child to be the bigger person in a relationship???, and for your information he adopted son when he was 7 and son absolutely worships him, always has....

"It's the op's problem not the step-dads. From his perspective he married a mother and child and now they are no longer married. People post critisizing him but where's the kids real father in this?"

It is mine and my families problem, hence the post asking for advice, ex left me, not his kids...And the biological father is not the issue here, the care and well being of a young man and his relationship with his Dad is.......u need to cop on a bit.

star-pants

Wow... your ex WONT tell you the address of where your children are at?
you have a RIGHT to know exactly where they are - and he's BS'ing you by not telling you. You tell him he's not getting his children until you know where they're going to be, see if that changes his tune.

LegacyUser

Thanks for that, is only 2nd time he's taken them there, usually stays in his mams. I didn't know his intentions this weekend. His house is in different province, approx 80 miles from here.. Am going to do exactly as u suggest. Cheers!

star-pants

I don't know the exact legal standpoint - maybe someone else here does, so I don't want to say that you have a legal right, but I'd be nearly darn sure you would.
I remember my friend who has a son, the dad moved house and wouldn't give her the new address (they were never married) and I think she ended up going to her solicitor over it.

Whether it's legal or not - you have a right to know where your children are. What if something happened to either party? And you couldn't get through via phone, you'd have no address.
I don't mean you to go 'haha I'm not giving you your kids', but you've every right to know where your children are going to be staying overnight and I personally wouldn't feel comfortable in your position if I didn't know where they were.

metrovelvet

There is no way in hell you should not know where your kids are.

LegacyUser

Thanks again, will sort this, I think he didn't give me address incase I paid a visit!

Taltos

sad mammy wrote: »

Thanks again, will sort this, I think he didn't give me address incase I paid a visit!

Gawd - the ego of this guy...
As if you could be bothered....
If your kids were going to stay with a friend - you would ensure you had the number and the address - why does he think he is so special.

I am unsure of you though - but I would be uncomfortable with the kids staying with someone you had not met - though it does seem to be a bit raw there at the moment. I guess all you can do is see if they are upset or not when they return.

But I think in this case your 17 yr old might be better of staying out of it...
Also - they are very close to being an adult - might help them if you shared a bit more - don't overload them or lean on them too much - but at least be open in a non-judgemental way. And if your son does start reacting angrily - pull him up on it, not saying he will - but anger needs to be deflected as this guy is still his dad and you don't want the other 2 running off telling tales - you know kids....

Abi

I agree with Metrovelvet. If there is a way of dissolving this adoption, I would. The conditions in which he agreed to it would have sent some flags up with me.

What does your teenage son know about this? How aware is he that he was one of the reasons why the marraige split? I'm not so sure I'd want the ex-husband anywhere near him at this point, your son can see what is going on.

I think talking to your ex about this is pretty pointless, he wasn't even willing to accept your son even within the marraige. You need to be two parents to this boy right now, and keep talking to him. Theres no doubt he feels hurt by all this.