Why do I attract the "weird" girls???

K_P

Zobags wrote: »

I am better looking than they are. Hence, I can do better, end of story!

Huzzah! Another PI successfully resolved.

phic

Zobags wrote: »

I may be weird myself but there is one difference which to most people is very important, I am better looking than they are. Hence, I can do better, end of story! Thanks for your psychoanalysis.

I cant help but feel these girls are having a lucky escape...

allandanyways

I have a "friend" like you. He's not "OMG FRICKIN GORGEOUS", nor is he lacking in the looks dept., but he's alright looking. And he literally has three times the amount of girl-friends than he does guy-friends.

His girl-friends are literally half stunners and half average looking girls. And he avoids the average looking girls as much as he can. They're part of a wider circle of friends he has and he gives all his attention to the good looking girls (always texts them back, always gets into a photo with them, always jumps when they say they're going out) and then the average looking girls get ignored.

I've a bit of weight on me and I don't fancy this lad at all, just thought he was a nice guy and he's an absolute dickhead to me and two other girls I'm friends with who haven't got their tits hanging out or are basically stunning. He won't even talk to us sometimes when we're in a group if there's a better looking girl in the vicinity (in case god forbid, the stunner thinks one of us is his girlfriend-could you IMAGINE?!:rolleyes:)

OP, first off, it's more than likely that all these girls DO NOT FANCY YOU, do not be so vain and assume that just because a fat girl or a gothy girl or whatever is "putting you off her" girl is being nice to you and friendly and wants you to come for tea or go to a house party or get the same bus or whatever- it doesn't mean she fancies you. People can be nice and friendly you know. If it were an average looking lad friend and he was making an effort, would you think he was coming on to you?

Fat girls/average girls aren't that desperate and they see straight through vain, ignorant prats like you seemingly come across. You need to grow up and realise that some of the "hot" girls you seem to think you match so well probably think that you're average and annoying and desperate.

Nobody's perfect, and even if they're stunning on the outside but they're as shallow and ignorant and narrow-minded as you appear to be, then they're an ugly person because vanity to the extent you seem to be reflecting here is absolutley repelling.

Wibbs

OK folks. Having looked through this thread I'm seeing a lot of projecting, unhelpful posts and just general sniping. Hardly helpful, hardly useful and not helping the op. If this raises your hackles too much may I suggest refraining from further posting. Any more sniping, veiled or otherwise will result in a ban. Lets stay helpful out there. Thanks.

beks101

Zobags wrote: »

Self confidence is one of the most important factors when meeting women and any woman will tell you that. There is a fine line however between being self confident and over confident and I am certainly not over confident. I like most guys am shy around girls I like and am not some bravado type who thinks he's the ****.

I think you've answered your own question here.

Women generally are attracted to confidence; you're shy around the women you're attracted to; you're not attracting them. You're probably coming across as confident, chatty, friendly, easy to get on with around the women you're not attracted to - because it's easier in these situations. Nothing to lose.

Personally, and I can only go on what I'm reading, but I highly doubt as many of these 'weird' girls are into you as you think and are instead returning your friendliness. And if some of them have expressed interest in you - what's the big deal? Any self-respecting individual would take that as a compliment. I've been in far more situations where the guys I'm not interested in have been into me than vice versa, that's life. I find it flattering no matter who it is.

Again judging by your posts though OP, I think you have quite an immature attitude to women / dating - thinking in 'leagues', and excusing your attitude because 'You should just hear the things groups of lads will say about girls they find unattractive'.
These type of aRseholes exist within both sexes, but guess what, the world isn't divided into two groups of 'stunners' and 'mingers' no matter what kind of banter you have with the lads.

irish_boy90

Zobags wrote: »

Ok yeah I was a bit worried about being too specific as I didn't want to come off as an asshole but anyway, when I say strange I mean not very attractive (don't seem to try and look attractive), nerdy, sort of outcast type girls. Not just girls I don't fancy but girls that 9.9/10 would not fancy you get me? While it is a little flattering i'm more like "wtf! surely she doesn't think I'd be interested in her does she?" when this happens.

Glad you turn them down so, they deserve better. If you don't like a girl you don't like a girl but you really do need to get over yourself.

Kipperhell

OP don't mind the people who don't understand your problem or what you are saying. There is certainly a lot of assumptions past what you have said.

If you were George Clooney and had an issue with woman coming on to you that you weren't attractive to, you would have people go ape about being vein.

It is similar to the problem some people have with people just wanting to be friend all the time. Chances are you are doing something that you are unaware of that is seen as an opening. You don't have to be mean to people after the fact or avoid people to deal with this. Be honest but not brutally so. If you become true friends with some of these people the chances are you will be able to ask them what you did.

I am friends with people I/they was/were initially attracted to but that is long past and we are just friends. We even joke about how now we know each other we get sick at the thought.

Be warned some people take rejection very personally no matter what. I ended up working with a girl who really took a lot of nos before she got the picture (prior to working together). She was incredibly bitch about me to lots of people in work, when we were out with the company she told me she was getting me back for how I treated her! I did nothing to this girl but be polite and nice to her even given her insistent come ons.

If you are nasty to people expect similar behaviour from them.

Attractiveness is still not about looks and it does sound like you might be over thinking that element but pretty normal for most teenagers.

On a side note "Your so Vain" is actually about him even though it says "...you probably think this song is about you..." suggesting he is wrong.

Kooli

Kipperhell wrote: »

If you were George Clooney and had an issue with woman coming on to you that you weren't attractive to, you would have people go ape about being vein.
.

I don't think it's that he's saying 'Why do women come on to me that I'm not attracted to?'. It's more like 'Why do women come on to me that are not attractive enough for me?'

Big difference between the two. There seems to be an implication of 'How dare they?' or 'Who do they think they are?'

That's the bit that's getting people's goat I think - this belief that there is an absolute objective league of attractiveness, based solely on physical appearance, and that anyone below the OP on this league should realise he would never be interested in them. I'd find that pretty immature (or if he's very young, then probably appropriately immature!!)

How Soon Is Now

Like the above poster said dont mind the people giving you **** just cause they dont agree with u. Always gonna get people up on there high horses about things like this but fact of matter is weather anyone likes it or not is that everyone has there likes and dislikes and standards in what they find attractive.

Now i have been with different kinds women both big and small you can find alot time most the bigger women are actually alot nicer and much easyer to get on with at first but that dont mean you HAVE to be afraid to turn them down or not be into them incase hurt there feelings or someone elses.

Man trust me just be nice to people dont diss anyone cause never know who u might fall for in the end but if u find women who maybe aint your type are giving you more attention then you would like just go with the flow ok be nice talk to them whatever alot time there just being friendly they dont always wanna be with you. Some will some wont you should know by now if someone is really into u or looking for something.

If you can tell that there like this just play the friend type with them and they will see thats all u want after awhile.

Kipperhell

Kooli wrote: »

There seems to be an implication of 'How dare they?' or 'Who do they think they are?'

Well that is not what he actually said. It obvious people are reading different elements from their own experiences and applying them. It doesn't make sense to him why these girls think he is interested.

There are lots of people who see any signs of friendliness as an opening. Whether you like it or not their is a general consensus that like pair with like on a beauty scale. Studies showing this as normal with a low standard deviation. To deny the reality is a little naive and to believe it is not conceited. A mismatched pair actually have additional relationship issues due to perception of those around them. This isn't a personal view but a pretty well proven one but still a bitter pill for many to accept.

People are berating the OP and as stated by the mods that is not the purpose of this forum. What people don't understand is your parents will tell you none of these things matter to build self confidence but in reality it is a white lie that can really mess up people's understanding of their surroundings if they don't cop on . Some people should just accept their lot in life, I know I was told my height wasn't an issue growing up but clearly was in reality. My self confidence went up on accepting my life.

mood

Maybe you are being too friendly.

Maybe you are flirting.

Maybe they are just being friendly in return and you are mistaking this for interest.

Maybe you consider your self out of there league but maybe in fact you are not.

Maybe you are just making a big deal out of nothing.

LegacyUser

I think the poster who said that the girls see something of themselves in you was probably onto something. I too am not having a go at you but...

Its been scientifically demonstrated (by studies involving hundreds of people) that most men and women form long term relationships with people at their own level of attractiveness e.g. an 8 out of 10 will hook up with another 8; a 5 with a 5.
I've observed this endlessly in my own social circle and even in my own life.

Alot of girls who are 'weird' around your age or younger blossom later on so I wouldn't burn any bridges.

Anyway, maybe your real issue right now is, why can't you attract the girls you want?

confusedgirl

honestly this is easy to sort out. Just go for girls you want and dont settle. You're obviously not talking to the girls you actually do fancy but instead are settling for the less attractive ones! Be nice to everyone by all means but its pretty easy to let someone down gently-unless you actually like the attention from the unattractive ones as an ego boost which i suspect you do! You cant have it both ways! You're blaming the girls but this is your problem, not theirs. They dont know any better-if you're too friendly with a girl, they do tend to think the guy fancies them.....If you're naturally flirty, then cut back on this with anyone you dont fancy asap!