Why do I attract the "weird" girls???

LegacyUser

Hi, I am a 23yr old guy and ever since I was 15 and in secondary school I have always seemed to get stalked by girls that would be in the more strange category. I am a pretty good looking guy but would not be in the totally conventional way i.e, am not tall and have big muscles etc. I seem to have a quality about me that girls find a bit fascinating and I am often surprised by the way some girls take such an interest in finding out more about me. Its not like girls are constantly throwing themselves at me or anything but sometimes I get girls having a mild fascination with me or something. I am a really friendly guy and have a very good personality so I think this is largely the reason why.
Anyway for some reason I also attract strange girls. By strange I mean the type of girls that most lads don't really want to attract. I am not trying to sound cruel or anything and I could definitely be described as being a bit strange myself (aren't we all in our own ways?) but these types of girls tend to see something in me that they relate to or something without even knowing me. Its like I give off some energy that these girls pick up on. Its nice and all to have a girl interested in you but it is almost always a girl who I am not really interested in. I know I sound like a shallow ass here and I am actually not I promise but if you were me you would understand. Just think of girls you know personally or know to see from work, college etc that you would not be at all interested in for more than friendship. Now imagine the girls that had crushes on you or what ever were these girls. The only other reason I can think of as to why I attract these type of girls is that it is because of my very friendly nature and I will always give anybody the time of day. I treat everyone I meet with respect and maybe I give off false signs when I meet these type of girls in casual circumstances. I dunno if this made any sense, sorry if it bored you!

Overheal

Its hard to help without specifics: cutting through politically correct BS, what do you mean by strange? Goths? Emos? Big girls? PETA members?

underlay

There all strange mate!

Wurly

Maybe you should label these girls as simply 'girls you are not interested in', rather than strange etc.

You've labelled yourself as strange, the girls as strange, the situation as strange.

Stop making it so complicated for yourself.. You're not into them - happens to the best of us. I'd say in the past that most people i've attracted, I have not been into.. But I think no more about it.

You will attract someone you like. Focus your energy on that, rather than the girls you aren't interested in.

Good luck.;)

LegacyUser

Overheal wrote: »

Its hard to help without specifics: cutting through politically correct BS, what do you mean by strange? Goths? Emos? Big girls? PETA members?

Ok yeah I was a bit worried about being too specific as I didn't want to come off as an asshole but anyway, when I say strange I mean not very attractive (don't seem to try and look attractive), nerdy, sort of outcast type girls. Not just girls I don't fancy but girls that 9.9/10 would not fancy you get me? While it is a little flattering i'm more like "wtf! surely she doesn't think I'd be interested in her does she?" when this happens.

scarymoon1

I think the fact that you are so friendly SOME people will think you 'fancy' them. Happened me a few times - guy in work that was kinda geeky - I sat beside him and just chatted away about everything and anything. He obviously got the wrong idea just because I talked to him and he asked me out twice! Same in college now again - same situation. I guess you have to not be so friendly - although thats not good advice! What I did was just not talk to the people as much anymore so as not to lead them on. You never get the one you want eh!!

Wurly

Zobags wrote: »

Not just girls I don't fancy but girls that 9.9/10 would not fancy you get me?

Or so you think. Just cos you don't fancy them, it doesn't mean that no-one else would.

While it is a little flattering i'm more like "wtf! surely she doesn't think I'd be interested in her does she?" when this happens.

You actually do sound very shallow tbh - despite your best efforts to not sound so. Either that or you appear to have yourself on some sort of 'looks' pedestal.

It's not all about looks, you know. And you might just miss out on someone special with your attitude. Put it this way, nearly all of my ex's I was not attracted to in the slightest when I met them first. 'Not my type' or whatever. Then they grew on me and became the most attractive people in the world.

Dismissing someone as 'strange' just cos they're not conventional. I would have thought that people who are not 'run of the mill' would be interesting, no?

I'm not trying to sound harsh here at all btw. I just think you may be doing yourself a disservice with your outlook.

Good luck with it all anyway.:)

Robbie444

scarymoon1 wrote: »

I think the fact that you are so friendly SOME people will think you 'fancy' them. Happened me a few times - guy in work that was kinda geeky - I sat beside him and just chatted away about everything and anything. He obviously got the wrong idea just because I talked to him and he asked me out twice! Same in college now again - same situation. I guess you have to not be so friendly - although thats not good advice! What I did was just not talk to the people as much anymore so as not to lead them on. You never get the one you want eh!!

Yeah I think this is most likely the reason. The way I see it is all remotely good looking girls in this country (most of them anyway) have their guard up in some way in most social situations towards people they do not know. They expect guys to pursue them both in friendship and in relationships and this causes a block between them and other people. I see this every day in college believe me. These girls sit in their groups and don't make any real effort to communicate with other people they do not know. People can feel this block and it makes them intimidated, me included. Girls who are not so good looking are usually much more comfortable with chatting to people they do not know in social situations imo. Some guys will not even talk to girls they do not in some fancy which is pathetic. Anyway I would talk to the wall if it would talk back so this this gets me in to these situations from time to time. I am not saying that all good looking girls are snobs or anything but I definitely think that a huge percentage of them have developed such big egos through out their lives that it has ruined their social skills and they can only really talk pure ****e amongst each other. Imo the most attractive girls possible are the ones who are good looking and friendly to people not just their close friends.

Silverfish

Off topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Please read the charter before posting. If you cannot post helpful constructive advice, please do not post. Thank you.

JangoFett

Maybe they're the kinda girls who want more in a guy than looks.

Try not being fancied at all by anyone, maybe someone once every few years. Trust me, that's worse

Karen_*

I think just about everyone has had people interested in them and the feeling not been mutual. Its totally normal and its just a part of life. I'm sure you've fancied a few girls yourself who have zero interest and are wondering how you think in a million years that they could fancy you. Thats grandiousity and not a very attractive trait. You're just as good as everyone else and they're just as good as you.;) I think you're thinking about it too much!

LegacyUser

Karen_* wrote: »

I think just about everyone has had people interested in them and the feeling not been mutual. Its totally normal and its just a part of life. I'm sure you've fancied a few girls yourself who have zero interest and are wondering how you think in a million years that they could fancy you. Thats grandiousity and not a very attractive trait. You're just as good as everyone else and they're just as good as you.;) I think you're thinking about it too much!

Lol, see this is exactly why I was so careful with my wording in my OP. I knew if I was just honest in what I was thinking then girls would reply saying things like you have just said here. And while I could definitely imagine girls in the past that I fancied not fancying me back, I am certainly not in the "how could he ever think I liked him" bracket. No offence but I think this is a pretty silly assumption you have just made and you are only making it becasue you are offended that I used this phrase in the first place. It is an ass hole like statement that I made and I take full responsibility but it is the truth and I'm willing to accept if that makes me an ass hole in the eyes of women. I am sorry if it offended you.
But the point I am trying to make is that I am pursued by girls who I am not attracted to and who are generally not very attractive. And I know this might sound like I think I can do better than I actually can but from my history of being with girls over the past few years I can and have. Say all the guys you dated or hooked up with were good looking guys, and some guy who was short bald and fat went after you, you certainly would not be "oh well I bet he's attractive deep down" and start going out with him. As human beings we are vain by nature to some extent and while looks are definitely not everything lets not fool ourselves when saying they are not important.

phic

What actually is the problem with these girls liking you though? Is it just that you dont like them back, or do they do "strange" things? Like i know you said they were stalkery and a bit obsessed but how so?
To answer your question I really don't know why they're attracted to you, I suppose if you're giving off a bit of the weirdo vibe yourself then perhaps they think you're the sort of guy they'd get along with. Can't blame them for that.

NightOwl91

Zobags wrote: »

Ok yeah I was a bit worried about being too specific as I didn't want to come off as an asshole but anyway, when I say strange I mean not very attractive (don't seem to try and look attractive), nerdy, sort of outcast type girls. Not just girls I don't fancy but girls that 9.9/10 would not fancy you get me? While it is a little flattering i'm more like "wtf! surely she doesn't think I'd be interested in her does she?" when this happens.

So girls who are independant and do not feel the need to be in a clique are "strange" ?? Wow..im a girl (shock horror) and I dont feel the need to cling to a group to feel comfortable. So.. you find insecure clique goer girls attractive? or what..?
Im confused at what your trying to say..but I am a bit offended 2bh
"Surely she doesnt think I'd be interested in her does she?"
Wow ....*:mad:..
Hun, from what ive read.....vain is the word

look..get over yourself please

Silverfish

NightOwl91, please read the charter. Abusive and aggressive posting is not acceptable on this forum.


Thank you.

Overheal

Zobags wrote: »

Lol, see this is exactly why I was so careful with my wording in my OP. I knew if I was just honest in what I was thinking then girls would reply saying things like you have just said here. And while I could definitely imagine girls in the past that I fancied not fancying me back, I am certainly not in the "how could he ever think I liked him" bracket. No offence but I think this is a pretty silly assumption you have just made and you are only making it becasue you are offended that I used this phrase in the first place. It is an ass hole like statement that I made and I take full responsibility but it is the truth and I'm willing to accept if that makes me an ass hole in the eyes of women. I am sorry if it offended you.
But the point I am trying to make is that I am pursued by girls who I am not attracted to and who are generally not very attractive. And I know this might sound like I think I can do better than I actually can but from my history of being with girls over the past few years I can and have. Say all the guys you dated or hooked up with were good looking guys, and some guy who was short bald and fat went after you, you certainly would not be "oh well I bet he's attractive deep down" and start going out with him. As human beings we are vain by nature to some extent and while looks are definitely not everything lets not fool ourselves when saying they are not important.

Whatever dude. Im not sure if youre being Rationally judgmental here ("If your face is loaded with herpes and cold sores, no, I probably dont want to kiss you") or if youre just judging a girl because she wears glasses or doesnt try to slut it up on a Monday morning for English class.

I mean not very attractive (don't seem to try and look attractive), nerdy, sort of outcast type girls.

Oh my good lord. If you can find a nerdy girl, cherish her. And think about marrying her if she knows about linux and is willing to teach you....! You can get her an engagement ring in the shape of a penguin!!

I could understand if these were girls who had just completely given up, (see: People of Walmart), but I mean if youre going to rat on a girl for not perming her hair or being a little gothy or something you might not really be looking at the girl at all.

Heres a question: What kind of girl are you attracted to then?

opinion guy

Zobags wrote: »

Hi, I am a 23yr old guy and ever since I was 15 and in secondary school I have always seemed to get stalked by girls that would be in the more strange category. I am a pretty good looking guy but would not be in the totally conventional way i.e, am not tall and have big muscles etc. I seem to have a quality about me that girls find a bit fascinating and I am often surprised by the way some girls take such an interest in finding out more about me. Its not like girls are constantly throwing themselves at me or anything but sometimes I get girls having a mild fascination with me or something. I am a really friendly guy and have a very good personality so I think this is largely the reason why.

That's called self-confidence mate. Don't let it go to your head!:D

Anyway for some reason I also attract strange girls. By strange I mean the type of girls that most lads don't really want to attract. I am not trying to sound cruel or anything and I could definitely be described as being a bit strange myself (aren't we all in our own ways?) but these types of girls tend to see something in me that they relate to or something without even knowing me. Its like I give off some energy that these girls pick up on. Its nice and all to have a girl interested in you but it is almost always a girl who I am not really interested in. I know I sound like a shallow ass here and I am actually not I promise but if you were me you would understand. Just think of girls you know personally or know to see from work, college etc that you would not be at all interested in for more than friendship. Now imagine the girls that had crushes on you or what ever were these girls. The only other reason I can think of as to why I attract these type of girls is that it is because of my very friendly nature and I will always give anybody the time of day. I treat everyone I meet with respect and maybe I give off false signs when I meet these type of girls in casual circumstances. I dunno if this made any sense, sorry if it bored you!

hmm to be honest with you I got a bit of this myself thou I was not confident like you. I think basically its like this. There are probably various types who like you. Only some will let you know. Now part of it may be you - maybe you are less confident with girls you actually like - I know I can be like this sometimes. And in being less confident you can be less attractive to the ones you like. The other thing is if you are getting the stalky type, well they may just be a small proportion of the girls who like you, but being stalky to begin with, they are more likely to a) be single and b) tell you they like you and get stalky.

And let me add I mean no disrespect to anyone here. I'd apply the same analysis if a girl was asking the question about the guys who like her.

How Soon Is Now

Ok OP i know what you mean in your posts clearly cause i can have same problem myself.

No matter what other crap people tell you about ooo how awful that these girls aint good enough for you and all this never mind that ok its not your fault u have some kinda standards is it?

I mean you said yourself your nice bloke not worst looking im pretty much same i aint big headed but i dont think im ugly either i mean i try be nice everyone give everyone a chance but people cant help if they are not into every girl who walks the earth can they?

I often think meself why do i get much more attention from women who i usually would not go for? And i reckon its the fact if you come across as nice people will pick up on that and its the ones who dont usually get very much attention who will be first to talk to the people who seem friendly ya get me?

I have tried this and to be honest it works to a certain degree be nice to everyone ok nothing wrong with that if you get someone who you might not find is your type sure just be nice back with them dont give them any signs your interested in that way and they will after awhile see this and more then likely respect you for being nice about it.

Dont shoot people down theres no need for that but dont give yourself to people either women seem to like someone who does not hand them self to the first girl on offer be nice but give off the impression your not to fussed either if ya know what i mean it works for me sometimes lately deffo has.

So ya pretty much what im saying is that life just goes that way we tend to attract people we might not want to but i mean were all human end day least be friendly if people see your nice maybe someday one the girls you are into will notice this

Taltos

Not sure why this is such a huge "problem" for you but here are my thoughts.

1. It is NOT these girls - it is YOU!

If it was one or two girls I would say that it is coincidence - but if you are a magnet to so many girls you are just not interested in then I have to tell you to address what you are doing to mislead these women.

Maybe you are too friendly, maybe you are too flirty. But the only common factor is you.

Also - instead of seeing this as a problem - just see it as an opportunity to make some good friends - you might even surprise yourself and learn to look beyond first appearances.

I kind of know what you are talking about though. I am one of those guys that complete strangers just talk to - have always been like this, and have tried to discourage it. My OH just laughs now - but used to freak her out - especially if we were away or abroad. Guess I have one of those faces that everyone thinks they know you. But instead of whinging about how unfair it all is turn it to your advantage.
You are obviously doing something right to have the "trust"/interest of these women, now just go a bit further and be friends...

LegacyUser

ha your post made me laugh, iv gone through years of this from the other end of things. boys i would never be interested in practically stalking me. I would never look at another person and judge them by their appearance and so everyone I meet I see as a potential friend or someone unique, I try to see the best in everyone. I feel that society today just brands someone as "not cool" or "ugly" or whatever and I have to say most of the socially acceptable people, you know cool, fasionable, wealthy, good looking or pretentious people seen doing the right things and associating with the right crowd, they are so boring, and into themselves!! without sounding horrible i am attractive and because i would be nice to any nerdy guy i guess that's why they might think wow this girl is not a bitch like other attractive girls maybe she could be my girlfriend. sounds like to me you have the same deal...these girls think wow this guy is cute and hes nice to me even though im a bit "weird" maybe he could be my boyfriend. I think the best plan of defence here is to talk about another fictitious girl that you may be dating etc so they know you're not available...and also if they are blatantly pursuing you you gotta be honest and say this is only a friendship.They will appreciate your honestly...and also this does happen to everone....lots of guys like you but not the ones you want...its not just you. It happens to me and all my friends all the time. It can take a long time to meet someone you really like so when you do make sure you don't let her slip through your fingers

Gone Drinking

I have a key ring that says "i don't do mingers"

Its been good to me the last while, maybe its time i passed it on.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the nice replies guys. Its good to know that this seems like something that is not just happening to me. And the reason I described it as a "problem" to those of you who are wondering was because I feel it kind of is. The reason being that it is awkward if somebody likes you and is being open about it hoping that you will respond by liking them back and you dont. Although I may have sounded like a dick in previous posts I am really not and I certainly dont like hurting somebody's feelings ever. And when you fancy somebody and they dont fancy you back believe me feelings get hurt at some level. This is why I would prefer if these women didnt facy me in the first place. Its weird the way it works coz I have found out in the past that girls I may have fancied actually liked me but they never show it where as the ones you dont feel this way about are usually very clear in showing they like you. Meh, just life I guess!

Kipperhell

I was never really considered a classic beauty but somehow attracted girls. It seemed to be confidence thing mixed with being generally friendly. As I became more out going and more "alternative" I started getting more attention. Trendy girls were not particularly interested but the people who generally followed the crowd did along with "alternative" girls (some times a bit too young). Some trendy girls would do things in secret with me which was kind of fun and odd. School can be very clan driven I guess

I received quite a bit of poetry from different girls claiming I understood them which was a bit unnerving. People waking me in the middle of the night by throwing stones at my window and wanting me to sneak out. I didn't know some of these people

I found out some time later that some stories about me had been circulating . Odd stories about teaching things about sex to some girls and knowing "stuff". I still meet some woman who have a weird image of me in their head. I have met people who remember me from when I was younger and I have asked me some peculiar things about my youth.

Got a lot of girls with immature or poor social skills approach me quite regularly and as I was friendly they read a lot into things I did. I was always very clear about my interest one way or the other and tried to establish a friendship if possible. Saying that I didn't automatically like people as a friend let alone anything else. Some very good friends were met and are still around today.

My advice would be be honest and try not to hurt people's feelings. It is not hard for a person you like to have a friend who's feelings you hurt.

K_P

Could it be that these "strange" not very attractive girls see you as an opposite sex version of themselves?

You've said you're not a stereotypically good-looking kind of guy but not a minger either, but you have an outgoing and friendly personality.

These girls you're talking about are also of the not-conventionally-good-looking variety but clearly are outgoing and confident enough to make their intentions towards you clear.

I'm not trying to get at you here and you'll probably take this the wrong way, but maybe you're both in the same league? They see that but you don't.

LegacyUser

Perhaps they're attracted to you because you're so Modest

LegacyUser

K_P wrote: »

Could it be that these "strange" not very attractive girls see you as an opposite sex version of themselves?

You've said you're not a stereotypically good-looking kind of guy but not a minger

No I just said I am not your stereotypical hunky type guy like Brad Pitt or someone. And just because I am not in the hunky category doesn't mean I am not handsome or what ever. I am good looking and I know this based on the attention I have gotten over the years by girls and being told this directly by girls I have been with. I dress well, keep fit, well groomed etc so why the hell should I be attracted to girls just because they are attracted to me. This is totally absurd. Again you are just another girl who has taken offence to what I have said in earlier posts about the girls that fancy me. Lol, you really must not have a clue how guys think because believe me I am one of the better ones. You should just hear the things groups of lads will say about girls they find unattractive. Guys are like that and so are many girls. Its important to know where you stand with girls and of course there are plenty of girls that I couldn't get near, but there are also plenty that I could, so why just jump at the first thing that comes my way. Honestly I'm not that desperate thanks.

andrew

I think OP is being misconstrued a little bit. From what I can tell, OP is an average looking guy and not stuck up or anything. The problem is, he's friendly to pretty much everyone. While normal well rounded people see this friendlyness for what it is, it is misconstrued by some. In general, the kind of people who misconstrue friendlyness for romantic interest are those who lack social skills,* AKA 'strange people.' And so the OP finds himself being pursued by girls he has no interest in and who (perhaps as a by product of their unattractiveness) are socially deficient. I think OP needs to start recognising the people who would have a propensity to misconstrue his friendlyness, and be less friendly to them so as not to give them the wrong idea. Given they're 'weird' they probably stand out, so this shouldn't be too hard.


*Obviously, this is often not the case. Happens to the best of us.

santana75

Mods, I apologise in advance if what Im about to say is deemed offensive, But I gotta say that the level of narcissism being displayed by the OP and some of the responses here is shocking and horrible to read. People cant be that into themselves, seriously I thought some of those responses were a wind up. A sad reflection on the public consciousness.

LegacyUser

santana75 wrote: »

Mods, I apologise in advance if what Im about to say is deemed offencive, But I gotta say that the level of narcissism being displayed by the OP and some of the responses here is shocking and horrible to read. People cant be that into themselves, seriously I thought some of those responses were a wind up. A sad reflection on the public consciousness.

Wow, man I am serious when I say this and mean no offence but you must not be very well connected how young men think. Perhaps you are a good bit older than me and there for wiser but I am just exhibiting what most people think when it comes to the subject of attraction. I believe looks are not everything and personality is way more important but there has to be some level of physical attraction for me personally. Fair enough if you don't have to find a girl attractive sexually or whatever to be attracted to her and I completely respect that but it is just not me. Maybe when I am older I will think differently but this is how I feel now. There are so many attractive girls out there these days so why shouldn't I think I am good enough to land one? And when I say land one I am not talking about just going out with any girl who I find attractive. I would also have to be attracted to her personality and if I thought she was shallow or not a very nice person I would not go out with her. You may think I am over confident and egotistic but I am not, I just know where I stand that's all. Self confidence is one of the most important factors when meeting women and any woman will tell you that. There is a fine line however between being self confident and over confident and I am certainly not over confident. I like most guys am shy around girls I like and am not some bravado type who thinks he's the ****.

NightOwl91

random "I love myself guy who posted here" : Your confidence is build on your little fandom lol song dedication: Your so vain.. do do do :cool:

K_P

Zobags wrote: »

why the hell should I be attracted to girls just because they are attracted to me. This is totally absurd. Again you are just another girl who has taken offence to what I have said in earlier posts about the girls that fancy me. Lol, you really must not have a clue how guys think because believe me I am one of the better ones. .

I never once suggested that you should be with someone you're not attracted to. I agree, that would be absurd. My suggestion really was not the accusation you've (predictably) taken it to be. It was just another viewpoint. But it's interesting that you take my suggestion to be proof of a lack of knowledge, of being lacking in social skills. Projection, maybe?

Back to my original point of you being quite like the girls you find unattractive. Surely knowing how to deal with unwanted affections is a fairly basic social skill. Either you know how to let down girls gently or else you really are as similarly lacking in social skills, clueless and, dare I say it, "weird" as the girls you find so objectionable.

Best of luck OP.