Best quote

Anna Molly

..that you've ever heard.

The funniest one i've ever heard, I think it might just be due to the fact that it's in a scottish accent and it's Calvin Harris but anyway..
"HOIST THE BAST*RD INTO THE SEA!!!!!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvxL4Jcqoc0
It absolutely cracks me up, everytime.

ardinn

My motto

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after!

Dunno who said it - but i like him!

Midnight_EG

If you tell a lie often enough, it becomes the truth

Stargate

see my sig lol

GLaDOS

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."

Einstein rocks

KungPao

"We're gonna need a bigger boat"

brendansmith

"Death, What chall know about death"

Raze_them_all

There is only one success,to be able to spend your life in your own way.

rotinaj

Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.”


I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.


Winston Churchill

SoupyNorman

"There are only two guaranteed inevitabilities in life, debt and death" - Judge Judy.

RandolphEsq

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy"

Jack

"Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate, so we can buy **** we don't need"

brendansmith

Do we have a quotes thread every 2 weeks or something?

brendansmith

"Do we have a quotes thread every 2 weeks or something?" - Brendan Smith

RandolphEsq

brendansmith wrote: »

"Do we have a quotes thread every 2 weeks or something?" - Brendan Smith

"I am gay"

Brendan Smith

Little Acorn

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=62371534#post62371534

My same thread got moved.:(

Anna Molly

brendansmith wrote: »

Do we have a quotes thread every 2 weeks or something?

Shizzle, I didn't realise, not a hardcore Boardsie.

Little Acorn

I wouldn't mind if we had one every day!
I love hearing quotes,they always put me in a good mood.:)

DazMarz

''Cocaine is God's way of telling you that you have too much money''

''Golf is the only game where a white man can dress like a black pimp and not look bad''

''I've never seen a situation so bad that a policeman couldn't make it worse''

''If you washed your mickey, you wouldn't need to wash your hands after peeing''

''He's pulling his centre forward off at half time''

''He's wearing trousers so tight you could tell his religion''

''What seems to be the ossifer, problem''

''I don't know how long I could be a vet before I got bored and started shagging stuff; I'd shag an owl, becuase no matter what position you took it from, you'd always have eye contact''

rotinaj

Little Acorn wrote: »

I wouldn't mind if we had one every day!
I love hearing quotes,they always put me in a good mood.:)

It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations.

Anna Molly

DazMarz wrote: »

''I don't know how long I could be a vet before I got bored and started shagging stuff; I'd shag an owl, becuase no matter what position you took it from, you'd always have eye contact''

Hahahahahahahahaha BRILLIANT!

"If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend."
- Stone Temple Pilots

Slow Show

'In life, you realize that no one really cares how you feel, so you might as well be happy.'
Not word for word, and of course there are exceptions, but I like it

'Do something every day that scares you' - Eleanor Roosevelt.
Enough said. Best advice to be given.

Raze_them_all

“I thought I was getting raped by Freddy Mercury.” – Tank after losing a decision to Dan Severn

That little ****er hit me with a Hadukan or something” – Nick Diaz on Gomi

Duiske

"I swear Ma, it were'nt me what done it. It were the public service"

Jimmmy.

Anna Molly

'Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one.'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8g_GeQR8fJo

Little Acorn

"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti"- Anthony Hopkins Silence of the Lambs

"I can tell you with no ego, this is my finest sword. If on your journey you should encounter God, God will be cut" -Sonny Chiba (Hattori Hanzo Kill Bill volume 1.

"I couldn't help it. I can resist everything except temptation."-Oscar Wilde

"I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road."-Stephen Hawking


Hydarnes: (An emissary of Xerxes)-"Yesterday,we only probed your positions.When we attack today,our arrows will block out the sun!

Leonidas- "Good,then we will fight in the shade"
-From the film 300.

Harry: "One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu."
Mary: "Really? "
Harry: "Yeah, we called it a bull****." -Dumb and Dumber

minidazzler

Anna Molly wrote: »

'Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one.'

This is not true...... http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/date/the_****tiest_hookup_ever.phtml#623

Read that.



My own favourite is, You only regret what you don't do. I live by that more or less.

Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition is also one I like.

**Timbuk2**

Success only comes before work in the dictionary.

WindSock

Anna Molly wrote: »

'Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one.'

And everyones stinks.

--Kaiser--

We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.
- Wernher von Braun

Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other." - Benjamin Franklin

Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read.
Frank Zappa


Propel, propel, propel your craft softly down liquid solution. Ecstatically, ecstatically, ecstatically, ecstatically, Existence is simply illusion.
Fred Rogers


There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.
Johann Sebastian Bach


A narcissist is someone better-looking than you are.
Gore Vidal


Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.
Al Gore , U.S. Vice President


Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)



Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)



The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)


The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity.
Winston Churchill, Sir (1874-1965)

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Voltaire (1694-1778) , on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.

After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.
Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956) , on Shakespeare

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

A nuclear power plant is infinitely safer than eating, because 300 people choke to death on food every year.
Dixy Lee Ray


The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)


There's nothing wrong with having nothing to say -- unless you insist on saying it.
Anonymous


'When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.'
~ Henny Youngman

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Groucho Marx

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Groucho Marx

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
Groucho Marx


Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. Fields

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
W. C. Fields

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield


My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
Rodney Dangerfield

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!
Rodney Dangerfield

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
Rodney Dangerfield


My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
Rodney Dangerfield

Wazdakka

"You win again, gravity!"

Penn

A life. A life, Jimmy, you know what that is? It's the sh*t that happens while you're waiting for moments that never come.

- Lester Freamon (The Wire)

WindSock

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.
- Wernher von Braun
......

All them are your favourites? Sure are a lot. Or did you just paste a load from a website?

pickarooney

Anna Molly wrote: »

'Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one.'

I ****ing hate this stupid 'quote' and everyone that repeats it.

mkdon05

I only take a drink on two occassions, when I'm thirsty and when I'm not. - Brendan Behan

Fuhrer

Asked on his death bed if he renounced Satan and all his works, Voiture replied

"Now is not the time for making enemies"

Max Power1

more of an insult than a quote, first heard by me on these here forums. I dont remember who posted it but a prize to anyone who can link me to a post containing the following quote from about 5 days ago

"some people should have been a blowjob"


EDIT: It was in the thread about "your conception" in AH

Pighead

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

niceirishfella

I don't know what a tracker mortgage is!

pickarooney

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Voltaire (1694-1778) , on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.

Fuhrer: Asked on his death bed if he renounced Satan and all his works, Voiture replied

"Now is not the time for making enemies"

You wanted to drive that one home? (It's a trilingual pun, indulge me).

allanb49

our enemies are constantly thinking of new ways to terrorise us, and so are we - gw bush

you'll have go speak up i'm wearing a towel

Which was better empire or jedi - randal clerks

Menengroth™

"Let off some steam Bennet"

Ah Commando, what an amazing film.

destroyer

"Doh" - Homer Simpson

powerfade

Sky Sports reporter looking for an interview with football manager Gordan Strachan after his team had lost

Reporter: 'Can I have a quick word with you Gordon?'

Strachan: 'Velocity' and walks off leaving said reporter speechless,


Brilliant

hooradiation

Man's unfailing capacity to believe what he prefers to be true rather than what the evidence shows to be likely and possible has always astounded me. We long for a caring Universe which will save us from our childish mistakes, and in the face of mountains of evidence to the contrary we will pin all our hopes on the slimmest of doubts. God has not been proven not to exist, therefore he must exist.

Academician Prokhor Zakharov
"For I Have Tasted The Fruit"

It might only be a video game, but that Zakharov guy was onto something.

Guru Maith Agut

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

...or

If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson's No More Tears, would it create beautiful irony?

derfderf

"The people see you as a bit of an ogre sir"
"I ought to club them and eat their bones"
Smithers and Burns

derfderf

"The secret behind any soldier is a well made bed. I'll teach u to make ur bed in ur sleep." "You mean while we're sleepin in them?" "You won't have time to sleep soldier, not wit all the bed makin you'll be doin"

"sir, can i have a moment" "no" "but it's an emergency" "come back when it's a catastrophy"
zapp branigan

G_R

"I swear to drunk I'm not God"

"You havent lived until you have experienced something worth dying for"

greenplain

"the beatings will continue until morale improves"

Imperial Japanese Navy

livvy

Everyone brings joy to this office -
some when they enter, some when they leave !!