Dating

Fink Goddie

On dates do you expect the guy to pay for everything??

Snowie

well going bye the last 3 dates ive been on yeah they do :eek:

Fink Goddie

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

well going bye the last 3 dates ive been on yeah they do :eek:

Do you think the guy should??

SarahSassy

I dont tink he should get himself into debt over it and wouldnt expect it but on the first date its nice to be treated.

From time to time I would treat poeple to lunch and its the same principle - its a gesture.

Nervous Wreck

If I was on a date with a woman who expected me to pay for everything, I'd run a mile. I'm not tight and I've no problem forking out cash but I hate that crap. Last girl I dated, I was looking to impress so on our first date, I was keen to pay for everything. She was having none of it and insisted and we just do rounds. When she went to the bar, I texted a mate saying "She's class." Next date, I paid for everything. Date after that, she bought me dinner. It sometimes feels 'gentlemanly' to pay etc but a lot of the time, it just proves you're a chump and enforces bullshít, archetypal notions that the man should provide and the woman should put out. :P

Being a bit more serious, I don't think there is a should. I think each situation should define itself. If the situation calls for me to pay for everything, I've no problem (and believe me, I've spent literally HUNDREDS before). But I'd hate to make it a habit with a girl that I pay for everything. Those days of supposed 'chivalry' are over.


Edit: Woops, I took this to mean specifically for the first date or two. Seemingly, it's more of a "we're dating" type thing. My bad. In those situations, I tend to get kinda "I'll spoil ya"...

minidazzler

I would prefer to pay for everything myself, but it is not always feasible tbh.

Definitely depends how long you are dating someone too.

Cupcake_Crisis

Id like him to at least offer to pay so i can refuse to let him and we go halvsies! I dont think its fair for guys to pay for EVERYTHING! But a treat is nice every now and again

I used to be a firm believer in paying my way.
Then I ended up in a situation ( I thought it was a friends thing, he wanted it to be a date) where this guy kept paying, knowing I would feel obligated to go out again to pay him back.
And now I see some benefit in letting a guy pay if he wants to, and then forgetting it.

Still I would rather pay for myself.

SarahSassy

I assumed you meant on a first date... thereafter, it should be 50/50

Fink Goddie

If i went for dinner with a guy and he wanted to split the bill he'd be a gonner :pac:

shellyboo

No chance, don't expect a guy to pay for everything. On a first date, if I've been asked out to dinner, I'd be a tad put out if he didn't offer to pay, but I wouldn't hold it against him. I'd insist on leaving the tip and buying the drinks after dinner though.

Same with cinema and things, if a guy's bought the tickets I'd want to pay for the popcorn, etc. I wouldn't feel right having a guy pay for absolutely everything on a date.

thorbarry

Fink Goddie wrote: »

If i went for dinner with a guy and he wanted to split the bill he'd be a gonner :pac:

If i went on a date and a girl expected me to pay for everything, she'd be a gonner

G-Money

My own rule is to go half's on the first date. Mainly because quite often (esp with internet dates) you don't know how much you actually like the person. So why fork out a load of money especially if you're not sure they even deserve it.

So I go half's the first time and if we meet up again or start seeing each other or something, then I'd be more willing and likely to start paying for more stuff myself.

Wait until they've earned it is my motto

Kimia

If he asked me out and it was a first date, I wouldn't expect him to pay, no, but it would be a lovely gesture to treat me. I would let him pay for the dinner and then I'd buy him a few beers after to say thanks.

shellyboo

grandmaster wrote: »

My own rule is to go half's on the first date. Mainly because quite often (esp with internet dates) you don't know how much you actually like the person. So why fork out a load of money especially if you're not sure they even deserve it.

So I go half's the first time and if we meet up again or start seeing each other or something, then I'd be more willing and likely to start paying for more stuff myself.

Wait until they've earned it is my motto

Hmm. No offence grandmaster, but while I don't expect a guy to pay, if I thought he was assessing my "deservingness" of being treated I wouldn't be impressed. At all. It's just a nice gesture, you shouldn't have to earn that.

Fink Goddie

shellyboo wrote: »

No chance, don't expect a guy to pay for everything. On a first date, if I've been asked out to dinner, I'd be a tad put out if he didn't offer to pay, but I wouldn't hold it against him. I'd insist on leaving the tip and buying the drinks after dinner though.

I would hold it against him, if he doesnt treat you on the first date, then he's probably not the type to treat you at all. Bit stingey i think.

thorbarry wrote: »

If i went on a date and a girl expected me to pay for everything, she'd be a gonner

We're like sooooooooooo incompatible :pac::pac:

shellyboo

Fink Goddie wrote: »

I would hold it against him, if he doesnt treat you on the first date, then he's probably not the type to treat you at all. Bit stingey i think.

Surely the same could be said about you then? If you don't offer to pay for him... not just girlfriends who deserve to be treated, after all.

cashel girl

I wouldn't expect him 2 pay, but at least offer. i belive in paying my own way:)

maybe after a few dates if he offered to pay fair enough but i would pay on the next date:)

Fink Goddie

shellyboo wrote: »

Surely the same could be said about you then? If you don't offer to pay for him... not just girlfriends who deserve to be treated, after all.

I wouldnt be his girlfriend, its a first date you were talkign about.
On a first date if he asked me out for dinner and didnt pay then i'd say he was stingey, i didnt ask him out so i wouldnt expect to pay. Its the gentlemanly thing to do.

Nervous Wreck

Fink Goddie wrote: »

I would hold it against him, if he doesnt treat you on the first date, then he's probably not the type to treat you at all. Bit stingey i think.

Wait, so if someone else doesn't pay for you, they are the one with the problem?

thorbarry

Fink Goddie wrote: »

We're like sooooooooooo incompatible :pac::pac:

haha

I pay for stuff when I am out with the GF, I paid for the meal on our first date. I would pay for dinner or movie tickets too as well, not all the time tho but sometimes.

I just hate when the girl is expecting it

cruizer101

Its strike me as kinda funny that at the same time as this debate going on there is another thread in LL with girls giving out about girls using the I'm just a girl excuse.

Is it just me who see girls contradicting themselves here, :P hehe.

Anyway, this tradition comes from when men earned and women didn't, so there is no reason it should hang around.

That said, if a guy asks a girl out on date I can understand him offering to pay for it, but only on a first date.

shellyboo

Fink Goddie wrote: »

I wouldnt be his girlfriend, its a first date you were talkign about.
On a first date if he asked me out for dinner and didnt pay then i'd say he was stingey, i didnt ask him out so i wouldnt expect to pay. Its the gentlemanly thing to do.

You said not offering to pay makes you stingy though... so why does that not apply to you as well? Because you're a woman? Give me a break :rolleyes:

Nervous Wreck

Fink Goddie wrote: »

I wouldnt be his girlfriend, its a first date you were talkign about.
On a first date if he asked me out for dinner and didnt pay then i'd say he was stingey, i didnt ask him out so i wouldnt expect to pay. Its the gentlemanly thing to do.

Your rationale works under the stipulation that the man is the one to instigate the dating process. If the girl asked the guy out, is she then bound to the responsibility of financing his appetite for the night?

Fink Goddie

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Wait, so if someone else doesn't pay for you, they are the one with the problem?

If he asks me out he should pay. I wouldnt go out with a guy who expected me to pay half of the dinner bill on a first date. Total turn off IMO.

Jesus Wept

Cupcake_Crisis wrote: »

Id like him to at least offer to pay

Why?

shellyboo

Fink Goddie wrote: »

If he asks me out he should pay. I wouldnt go out with a guy who expected me to pay half of the dinner bill on a first date. Total turn off IMO.

What if he didn't ask you out to dinner?

Let's say, he asked you out, you suggested dinner... would you still expect him to pay for that? Even though it was technically your idea?

G-Money

shellyboo wrote: »

Hmm. No offence grandmaster, but while I don't expect a guy to pay, if I thought he was assessing my "deservingness" of being treated I wouldn't be impressed. At all. It's just a nice gesture, you shouldn't have to earn that.

I might not have used the best words to describe this. It's not a case of assessing whether they deserve to be treated. I just think you shouldn't go forking out a load of money for someone you might not see again. Wait and see if you like them (and if they like you the same way) before starting to spend money on them.

I think it's better to just go 50/50 at the start, that avoids either party being taken advantage of.

But as usual, it's up to the individual themselves. If they feel like paying, they should. Equally if they don't, they should go 50/50. I don't mean being completely anal about it. Like I won't care if I buy a few more rounds than she does, or if she buys one or two more than me. But I don't think either person should fork out the whole thing, although historically it's usually the guys who do that initially.

shellyboo

grandmaster wrote: »

I might not have used the best words to describe this. It's not a case of assessing whether they deserve to be treated. I just think you shouldn't go forking out a load of money for someone you might not see again. Wait and see if you like them (and if they like you the same way) before starting to spend money on them.

I think it's better to just go 50/50 at the start, that avoids either party being taken advantage of.

That's fair enough I just balked at the idea of being evaluated as "worth the money" or something... seems kind of cold!

Jesus Wept

There's no romance without finance.

cashel girl

The-Rigger wrote: »

Why?

i know you didnt ask me, but i made the same point and i think its nice if a guy offers,it shows he is not stingy. i would still pay my way.

Fink Goddie

thorbarry wrote: »

haha

I pay for stuff when I am out with the GF, I paid for the meal on our first date. I would pay for dinner or movie tickets too as well, not all the time tho but sometimes.

I just hate when the girl is expecting it

I'd say most girls are expecting it, even if they dont admit it.

shellyboo wrote: »

You said not offering to pay makes you stingy though... so why does that not apply to you as well? Because you're a woman? Give me a break :rolleyes:

You said yourself you'd be disappointed if he didnt offer to pay, why is that???

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Your rationale works under the stipulation that the man is the one to instigate the dating process. If the girl asked the guy out, is she then bound to the responsibility of financing his appetite for the night?

Yep if i asked a guy out for dinner (which i never would) then yeh i should pay.

NothingMan

There's suppose to be a little i'm paying, No, No I insist, dance thing on first dates. When I was younger I use to get awkward at that but so I use to turn up early if it was a movie date and get the tickets before I meet them.

Most of the time the girl usually offers to pay for popcorn etc, or after a movie insist on doing rounds of beers.

Obviously as a relationship goes on it should even out. Been with my wonderful lady for 3.5 years now and it's all pretty much 50/50 except for b'days or occasions. Or if someone is particularly stuck for cash.

Haven't treated her in a while though, I better do something special soon.

stovelid

Basic rule: if I pay, you put out.

Gyalist

The answer lies just after the 3:00 mark in this video. (NSFW)

SarahSassy

cruizer101 wrote: »

Anyway, this tradition comes from when men earned and women didn't, so there is no reason it should hang around.

No it doesnt... Prior to my parents getting married they both worked but it was tradition that the guy paid for all then. I suppose the difference is that back then it was minerals or tea whereas now its dinner and cocktails...

shellyboo

Fink Goddie wrote: »

You said yourself you'd be disappointed if he didnt offer to pay, why is that???

Because it'd be a nice gesture if he did. His perogative not to, doesn't mean he's stingy though. Could be a bit broke that week. Could have been burned in the past by another girl fleecing him for money.

I just think it's a ridiculous reason to write someone off. Very mercenary and pretty shallow.

extra-ordinary_

Fink Goddie wrote: »

I would hold it against him, if he doesnt treat you on the first date, then he's probably not the type to treat you at all. Bit stingey i think.

You make a judgement on a guy depending on how much he's willing to spend on you? He's giving you money, what are you giving him - your presence? your affection? sex?

never in a million years would i expect a man to pay for everything on a date...shellyboo has it right i think...a bit of give and take...

SOME women need to get over themselves...you are not a princess

SarahSassy

I suppose it also depends on why he chooses not to pay... If its because he was burnt before then does he have baggage?

extra-ordinary_

I had a girlfriend once who just took it for granted that I'd pay for everything. It's really not nice to be taken for granted.

Fink Goddie

shellyboo wrote: »

Because it'd be a nice gesture if he did. His perogative not to, doesn't mean he's stingy though. Could be a bit broke that week. Could have been burned in the past by another girl fleecing him for money.

I just think it's a ridiculous reason to write someone off. Very mercenary and pretty shallow.

If you're disappointed then there must have been an expectancy there or else why would you be disappointed???

extra-ordinary_ wrote: »

You make a judgement on a guy depending on how much he's willing to spend on you? He's giving you money, what are you giving him - your presence? your affection? sex?

He wouldnt be giving me money, he'd be taking me for dinner. Like L'oreal, its because i'm worth it

mariaalice wrote: »

...you are not a princess

Oh yes i am, princess Goddie

Nervous Wreck

Fink Goddie wrote: »

Yep if i asked a guy out for dinner (which i never would) then yeh i should pay.

Haha, this is, word for word, the response that I was expecting. You are willing to pay, but only in a circumstance that you have already decided that you will not allow yourself to become involved. "If I should pay, I defo would. But I'll never get into a situation wherein I should be the one to pay." But yeah, the guy is defo the stingey one in this scenario. :rolleyes::pac:

Fink Goddie

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Haha, this is, word for word, the response that I was expecting. You are willing to pay, but only in a circumstance that you have already decided that you will not allow yourself to become involved. "If I should pay, I defo would. But I'll never get into a situation wherein I should be the one to pay." But yeah, the guy is defo the stingey one in this scenario. :rolleyes::pac:

Usually, there are exceptions but, Guys usually chat up girls, guys usually asked the girl out, ask to marry the girl all that stuff, you may argue against all these things and talk about equality etc, these expectancys still exist whether you like them or not.

SarahSassy

Well if the guy is not willing or cannot afford to pay then he should not be asking someone else out to dinner. In this case, maybe he asks her and she cant afford to pay and its putting her under pressure... If he doesnt want to shell out money up front then he should ask her for a drink or a coffee.

Fink Goddie

SarahSassy wrote: »

Well if the guy is not willing or cannot afford to pay then he should not be asking someone else out to dinner. In this case, maybe he asks her and she cant afford to pay and its putting her under pressure... If he doesnt want to shell out money up front then he should ask her for a drink or a coffee.

Totally agree with ya there.

stovelid

Depends on the situation.

I sometimes get the bill for friends or my wife; they sometimes get the bill.

If somebody is short of money and you're not, you get the bill and don't keep tab on who has paid for who X times.

First dates are trickier but personally I always tried to pay for the main part of the date like a meal or getting tickets, but would be impressed (and far more interested in them) if they insisted on buying, say, rounds in return. I find the idea of paying for every single thing on a first date a little archaic and I can't really think of many women I've dated that seemed comfortable with it.

The main problem is obviously when people expect never to pay (or to always foot the bill) based on some stupid gender role. Even more ridiculous if both people have incomes.

Nervous Wreck

Fink Goddie wrote: »

Usually, there are exceptions but, Guys usually chat up girls, guys usually asked the girl out, ask to marry the girl all that stuff, you may argue against all these things and talk about equality etc, these expectancys still exist whether you like them or not.

Just because an outdated social stigma still exists doesn't mean there's any logical reason to adhere to it. In this situation, blindly following the status quo is a lazy, unconvincing self-justification for being money-hungry and attention-seeking. A mon avis, that is.

extra-ordinary_

SarahSassy wrote: »

I suppose it also depends on why he chooses not to pay... If its because he was burnt before then does he have baggage?

I believe in a reasonable degree of fairness. If I ask someone on a date I don't mind paying but I'd like her to offer or at least make some kind of token acknowledgement.

Fink Goddie

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Just because an outdated social stigma still exists doesn't mean there's any logical reason to adhere to it. In this situation, blindly following the status quo is a lazy, unconvincing self-justification for being money-hungry and attention-seeking. A mon avis, that is.

If its outdated then why does it still exist, for example fhow many girls do you hear of asking guys to marry them, not as many as the other way around.

Nervous Wreck

SarahSassy wrote: »

Well if the guy is not willing or cannot afford to pay then he should not be asking someone else out to dinner. In this case, maybe he asks her and she cant afford to pay and its putting her under pressure... If he doesnt want to shell out money up front then he should ask her for a drink or a coffee.

I agree that no one should leave the house without their wallet but having the means and willingness to pay for a meal shouldn't mean that one is expected to do it time and again.