Other women

Kimia

This came into my head reading the other thread 'cheating', and it occured to me that other women coming on to our boyfriends/husbands happens quite a lot, and I was wondering how other people handle it.

The worse in my case was when one particular girl texted my boyfriend saying that she would be better in bed than me - wow. Needless to say he put a big stop to that.

It's really disappointing to have a girl go out of her way to seduce/entice your boyfriend away, and if she's not obvious about it, VERY hard to convince your boyfriend that something dodgy is going on.

Has it ever happened to you and if so how did you deal with it? Because it's hard sometimes to not seem like the jealous girlfriend if it's very subtle.

cashel girl

i was going out with a guy a while back,there was a girl living near him and anytime we were out she would flirt with him and come over dancing in front of him.

i told him if he wants her go for it,if not tell her f**k off. he told her he was with me and had no interest in her so she backed off!

i dont think there is much anyone can do only the fella, if he wants to get involved with a girl like that he will anyway,no matter what you do. you just have to make sure he knows you wont put up with it!

The Big Red Button

There was a girl who my boyfriend really fancied before he got with me. She was never too interested, but when she found out he was with me she started texting him all the time asking him to go for drinks, and to give her driving lessons, etc.

It didn't bother me too much because I didn't know the girl very well. She was single and therefore free to do what she wanted! If my boyfriend had ended up leaving me for her, my problem would have been with him - not with her. Now if she had been a friend of mine, that would've been completely different.

And by the way, I wouldn't have had the slightest problem with him meeting up with her if he'd wanted to - but he didn't. In my opinion if your relationship is secure enough, there's not much that another person can do to damage it, whether they're subtle or obvious about it.

ToniTuddle

If they want to leave they are going to leave. It's hard if you really love them/think you love them, of course you don't want to loose them.

But I've learnt that men really don't notice when other women are coming onto them. They think these girls are "sound". Which I'm sure they are apart from the evil eyes they keep throwing in my direction ha!

I've only ever been jealous in one relationship in my life. Seeing as I'd never had experience with it, I'd no idea how to handle the situation.

I've had plenty jealous boyfriends but I've never been the one being jealous. It completely threw me. It was horrible and I never want to experience that feeling again. The amazing thing was I actually managed to get control over it and just simply let go, it was a relief. Unfortunately the boyfriend at the time freaked out and went into over drive trying to make me jealous again :rolleyes: Ya can't friggin win sometimes!

If your relationship is solid(my one definitely wasn't!) then I wouldn't worry about other females. There will always be some insecure man/woman trying to break up the happy thing you have going.
Your partner and you simply have to know the boundaries and take each others feelings into consideration.

Sorry for long post!:o

Orla K

I can only remember it happing to me once.

The guy was going to college and saw someone from the town (we were all from the same place) who looked completely lost. So he helped her out was getting her more settled in college gave her a loan of his favourite book and so on. That was all fine, he spent more time to me giving out about her than saying nice things, he liked time alone and being quite (as do I) she was the complete oppisite and she didn't make too many friends the first few months.

It was a saturday night I had been working all day and I wasn't feeling well so I rang him to tell him I was just going to go to bed, which I did. Monday when he went back to college he was talking to her, she ended up telling him that I was texting her to go out and that some of her friends saw me quite drunk in the pub. When he heard this he wasn't happy and rang me to find out what I was doing. The only thing I remember saying was 'why would I do that' and 'Why would I text her to go out, if I was going to go out I would text beth'. I do remember laughing at the whole thing, it just seemed really stupid. The end of the conversation with him was me asking him what he was going to do because she would probably try something like it again. Well she didn't get the chance and the book he gave her, he got back in a horrible state, which may have been my fault.

I told a friend about this and I think she told someone else who was the sister of the other one.

It just seemed so childish that he wouldn't hang out with her anymore (and she dropped out of college shortly after) the friend that I said it to for ages after I was weary to tell her anything like that again.

ToniTuddle

My ex gave out about a certain female I had no time for. He constantly laughed about her and how he even hated girls like her(ones who spend their life on the dole etc).

He is now engaged to her and they have a baby together.
Did I mention I'm related to her as well?

:cool:

Yup.

Wibbs

ToniTuddle wrote: »

If they want to leave they are going to leave.

True and all too often if you try to stop that you make it more likely not less.

But I've learnt that men really don't notice when other women are coming onto them. They think these girls are "sound".

A lot of the time yes, but IMHO that can be an excuse too and they notice alright. They may not be positive but they know somethings afoot and like the ego boost/attention. Hand in the air time, I have in the past.

Rayne

During my Leaving Cert my boyfriend and I attened an after school study centre, one of the girls from my class, a friend, attended it too. As soon as she met my boyfriend, I could tell she liked him, call it girl intuition, of course himself couldn't see this! She was all giggles and smiles with him, and went out of her way to do things with just him!

Instead of having it out with her, nipping it in the bud, I laid into him, blamed him, I guess in my own mind I thought he was leading her on. I did try breaking up with him, so he could be with her if he wanted, but he didn't. That made me realise that it was her.

Final straw was in a night club one night, she told me they kissed, which made me flip and I haven't talked to her since. I know him well enough to know they didn't kiss.

I really don't think you can do anything about it, you can't keep him locked up or stop him from having female friends, I think you just have to trust him. And maybe be flattered that you've got a guy that others want!

We're still together, and I'm sure there will always be girls who'll chance it but I've stopped worrying.

I think if a guys wants to be with the other women, then I'm the one off whose better off!

ToniTuddle

Wibbs wrote: »

True and all too often if you try to stop that you make it more likely not less.

A lot of the time yes, but IMHO that can be an excuse too and they notice alright. They may not be positive but they know somethings afoot and like the ego boost/attention. Hand in the air time, I have in the past.

Yes exactly! Jealousy is the death of all relationships. He definitely didn't notice at the start but when he did start to "cop" on, he started to play it against me. Definitely an ego boost. I know when you are in a relationship, it's nice to realise that other people outside of your other half find you attractive.

Differend Ex and Different Female!

Currently I'm actually avoiding a whole section of the county so as not to run into a certain other female who will no doubt bottle me.
I use to date her boyfriend 6/7 years ago. She was actually one of those females that seduced him away by the "sad,lonely,scared" act. Slowly getting her claws in. I did nothing to stop it, if he wanted to leave he could.
They have been together ever since. Only thing is she hates me beyond belief, as he basically has nothing bad to say about me and would still be civilised and talk if he seen me.
I'm not going to go into details. But basically I'm being seen now as some evil "other" woman even though I've no intention of going near him again!!

I've since told him(through a social network site) that I wish him and her all the best but that I would not be speaking to him through that site(or basically anywhere else). I don't wish to cause trouble and it's better to not be speaking.
As much as I want to stick my finger up at her and say screw you for trying to intimidate me. I don't wish to end up in hospital for any man/woman/reason!!

Orla K

ToniTuddle wrote: »

I've since told him(through a social network site) that I wish him and her all the best but that I would not be speaking to him through that site(or basically anywhere else). I don't wish to cause trouble and it's better to not be speaking.
As much as I want to stick my finger up at her and say screw you for trying to intimidate me. I don't wish to end up in hospital for any man/woman/reason!!

What you said to him probably annoied her more than anything else you could say or do. I've met people like that before and it does their head in when your the better person.

ToniTuddle

Orla K wrote: »

What you said to him probably annoied her more than anything else you could say or do. I've met people like that before and it does their head in when your the better person.

I was put into a corner and had to do something. I doubt he would have told her as she didn't have access to his account. I deleted him as a friend also so she would have seen that and hopefully made her happy.
I've done nothing wrong but it's people like me who end up getting kickings.
(She is well known for beating people up..including her own boyfriends:eek:)
So I wouldn't even want to imagine what she would do to me. Plus I got grief from some friends of hers who...didn't say anything as of course girls don't. They simply poured a drink down my back at a charity function.

I personally wanted to go to this girl,clear the air and explain I want nothing to do with him in that way-but everyone advised me to not do that as it would only make her more angry. I shouldn't have to be afraid because some violent, jealous female has it in for me.
Hopefully with time she might get over it.

To make matters worse though I've heard he recently broke up with her.

ToniTuddle

Rayne wrote: »

one of the girls from my class, a friend, attended it too. As soon as she met my boyfriend, I could tell she liked him

It's terrible when a friend does that to you.
I use to have a friend(during secndary school as well) who always asked/basically told me, "You don't mind be going with him do ya, sure it's not like yous are steady"

Who needs enemies with friends like these!:cool:

Censorsh!t

I had a big issue with one of my best friend's flirting with my boyfriend. He of course "didn't notice", not even when she'd hold his hand and ask me "can we swap boyfriends for the night?!".
Drove my head in. Basically it led to me seeing her less and less, as I just couldnt cope with being with the 2 of them at once.
But I think it's getting ok again, she has stopped with the overly overly flirtiness...but i'm still a bit wary.

Fago!

I'd say it's a pain in the rhoids alright.

Don't feel treatened by it OP. As you said, your BF put a stop to it, so you've nowt to worry about.

If anyone is threatened by someone hitting on their OH, then they obviously don't have much trust in him/her, and maybe your relationship ain't as stable as you thought.

shellyboo

I think it's less about ebing threatened and more about just having your buttons pushed. Some women - close friends, exes - delight in continually reminding you of their "stake" in your man, how they knew him first, or used to be together, etc etc. That, for me, is the annoying part - not feeling threatened by the girl or not trusting my guy. But then, I'm quite possessive, so perhaps that's just me!


I'd agree with previous posters who said there's always one. In my experience anyway, there's always been one woman from a guy's past that has got on my nerves.

Kimia

Fago_25 wrote: »

I'd say it's a pain in the rhoids alright.

Don't feel treatened by it OP. As you said, your BF put a stop to it, so you've nowt to worry about.

If anyone is threatened by someone hitting on their OH, then they obviously don't have much trust in him/her, and maybe your relationship ain't as stable as you thought.

If I wanted advice I'd post in RI thanks. This was just a thread I started because I was curious about what others think about the subject, not a personal situation I am in. Although having read back on my OP, I can see why you thought that.

Totally agree Shelly - we all have someone like that in our lives!! :mad: I do the 'dignified' route, and although sometimes it's sooo hard, I delight in their frustration!

shellyboo

Kimia wrote: »

Totally agree Shelly - we all have someone like that in our lives!! :mad: I do the 'dignified' route, and although sometimes it's sooo hard, I delight in their frustration!

Oh you have to be the bigger person, that's the only way to deal with it. Gives you a great sense of self-satisfaction too, lol

Fink Goddie

As i said in the other thread if i like one in a relationship i'll go for it, if he's happy with her it wont make a difference to their relationship.
Not going to limit myself to just single guys.

Fink Goddie

Fink Goddie wrote: »

As i said in the other thread if i like one in a relationship i'll go for it, if he's happy with her it wont make a difference to their relationship.
Not going to limit myself to just single guys.

Sorry but that's such a cop out. Yes, yes, I know its the guy's decision and all, but going for a taken guy is just a sh*tty thing to do, IMO. How would you like it if some girl was throwing herself at your boyfriend? It's just disrespectful, whether you know her or not. And relationships are complicated - if they were going through a bad patch or had just had a fight, he might be tempted where he wouldn't normally have been. I think the responsibility lies with the person in the relationship, yes, but someone who goes for someone who's taken, well, I wouldn't consider them a very nice person. I've met guys I've liked and been disappointed to find out they had a girlfriend, but that was the end of it for me. I don't want to be involved in someone else's breakup by making it blindingly obvious that I fancy him. I think if it's meant to be, it will happen. I wouldn't want to be a factor in the decision for him to leave someone else - too much pressure and baggage and I'd constantly be afraid he'd do the same to me down the line.

Fink Goddie

[quote=[Deleted User];63030040]Sorry but that's such a cop out. Yes, yes, I know its the guy's decision and all, but going for a taken guy is just a sh*tty thing to do, IMO. How would you like it if some girl was throwing herself at your boyfriend? It's just disrespectful, whether you know her or not. And relationships are complicated - if they were going through a bad patch or had just had a fight, he might be tempted where he wouldn't normally have been. I think the responsibility lies with the person in the relationship, yes, but someone who goes for someone who's taken, well, I wouldn't consider them a very nice person. I've met guys I've liked and been disappointed to find out they had a girlfriend, but that was the end of it for me. I don't want to be involved in someone else's breakup by making it blindingly obvious that I fancy him. I think if it's meant to be, it will happen. I wouldn't want to be a factor in the decision for him to leave someone else - too much pressure and baggage and I'd constantly be afraid he'd do the same to me down the line.[/quote]

I dont believe in if its meant to be it will happen crap, people just think that way to make themselves feel better.
I dont know the girlfriend, i dont owe her anything, she met him first but so what.
i wouldnt throw myself at anyone but as i said i'd try get to know him, look my best and let him subtley know i'm interested.
I have had girls interested in my ex, didnt bother me, they were single playing the game, he had the responsibility.

Fink Goddie

Fink Goddie wrote: »

I dont believe in if its meant to be it will happen crap, people just think that way to make themselves feel better.
I dont know the girlfriend, i dont owe her anything, she met him first but so what.
i wouldnt throw myself at anyone but as i said i'd try get to know him, look my best and let him subtley know i'm interested.
I have had girls interested in my ex, didnt bother me, they were single playing the game, he had the responsibility.

Obviously you don't. I got together with my boyfriend shortly after I finished with my ex, but until then he'd never made a move, which I really respected. So yes, it was meant to be. I wouldn't have liked feeling like I had to make a decision between the two of them. No you don't owe the girlfriend anything, but it's just common decency, IMO. I don't want to be involved in causing someone pain. There was a guy at an old job who made it clear that he fancied me and kept wanting to meet up, but I wouldn't do it because he had a girlfriend. That to me = off limits. I wouldn't want someone making moves on my partner behind my back (which has happened) so I wouldn't do it myself. And as for 'playing the game', well there is no game. If I fancy someone and they're single, great. If not, that's it. There are plenty of single men in the world, I don't need to take someone else's boyfriend.

Fink Goddie

[quote=[Deleted User];63030390]Obviously you don't. I got together with my boyfriend shortly after I finished with my ex, but until then he'd never made a move, which I really respected. So yes, it was meant to be. I wouldn't have liked feeling like I had to make a decision between the two of them. No you don't owe the girlfriend anything, but it's just common decency, IMO. I don't want to be involved in causing someone pain. There was a guy at an old job who made it clear that he fancied me and kept wanting to meet up, but I wouldn't do it because he had a girlfriend. That to me = off limits. I wouldn't want someone making moves on my partner behind my back (which has happened) so I wouldn't do it myself. And as for 'playing the game', well there is no game. If I fancy someone and they're single, great. If not, that's it. There are plenty of single men in the world, I don't need to take someone else's boyfriend.[/quote]

I wouldnt say meant to be more it happened to happen.
Why limit yourself to just the single ones though, because that is limiting yourself big time.

Fink Goddie

Fink Goddie wrote: »

I wouldnt say meant to be more it happened to happen.
Why limit yourself to just the single ones though, because that is limiting yourself big time.

How? There are plenty of single men around. I would way prefer a man who had been single a while and secure in himself than someone who couldn't leave his last relationship until he'd found something 'better'.

minidazzler

Fink Goddie wrote: »

I wouldnt say meant to be more it happened to happen.
Why limit yourself to just the single ones though, because that is limiting yourself big time.

Fink, may I be so crass as to ask are you a bisexual?

Why limit yourself to men? That's limiting yourself big time. In fact the same thing can be said about almost everything!!!

There are 6.3 billion + people in the world. There is no need to go after men in relationships.

In fairness though, I did once persue a girl in a relationship and I wouldn't say that I won't do it again. But I don't actively look for them.

To do so is to go on an ego trip.

Fink Goddie

[quote=[Deleted User];63030564]How? There are plenty of single men around. I would way prefer a man who had been single a while and secure in himself than someone who couldn't leave his last relationship until he'd found something 'better'.[/quote]

Maybe he thought he was in the right relationship until he met the 'better' person. thats just how it goes.

minidazzler wrote: »

Fink, may I be so crass as to ask are you a bisexual?

Why limit yourself to men? That's limiting yourself big time. In fact the same thing can be said about almost everything!!!

There are 6.3 billion + people in the world. There is no need to go after men in relationships.

In fairness though, I did once persue a girl in a relationship and I wouldn't say that I won't do it again. But I don't actively look for them.

To do so is to go on an ego trip.

What sort of a question is that, bit way out isnt it!!!
I dont make a thing of going after men in relationships but if one happens to be and i like him and i think there's something there i'm not going to stop it just because he has a girlfriend. He just met her before me, doesnt mean he's better off with her!

You said you do the same!!!

minidazzler

Fink Goddie wrote: »

What sort of a question is that, bit way out isnt it!!!
I dont make a thing of going after men in relationships but if one happens to be and i like him and i think there's something there i'm not going to stop it just because he has a girlfriend. He just met her before me, doesnt mean he's better off with her!

You said you do the same!!!

The Question mirrored your own. About limiting yourself.

I have done so, but never actively seek girls in relationships! There are enough single girls out there that it wouldn't bother me to not have a girl because she is in a relationship.

But you said you don't believe in "meant to be", so why would you actively persue a guy who is attached? Just because you fancy him? I'm sure there are alot of single guys you could fancy.

dearg lady

Kimia wrote: »

Has it ever happened to you and if so how did you deal with it? Because it's hard sometimes to not seem like the jealous girlfriend if it's very subtle.

I think I've been lucky, this hasn't happened to me too much, happened with my first boyfriend many years ago, I told her where to go. I found out they were together after we broke up when he texted me off her phone! Swear he only did it to spite me!

It's a very delicate situation. I know I've been jealous over female frineds before and had to really be careful to not say or do something silly. I know it's just me being irrational, especially considering many of my friends are male, and I get on grand with most of their ladies!

I do think it takes two to tango though, tbh if some girl came sniffing around my man(imaginary atm of course!! ) I'd be pretty p*ssed at her, and if he reciprocated or continued to let it happen to the detriment of our relationship, I'd be pretty annoyed at him too.

I have never, and hope I never would actively go after someone elses boyfriend or husband, and I think it's a pretty low thing to do. People do have weak moments and when the temptation is right there on a plate...

tbh I had an incident a few years ago where I kissed this friend of a friend, I was fairly smitten with him, we clicked ya know that way, had met a handful of times and then kissed twice. I found out later that week he had a girlfriend, and I felt awful , just horrible! And I really hope she never found out, I don't know her, but I wouldn't want to be the reason she's upset.

Fink Goddie

minidazzler wrote: »

The Question mirrored your own. About limiting yourself.

I have done so, but never actively seek girls in relationships! There are enough single girls out there that it wouldn't bother me to not have a girl because she is in a relationship.

But you said you don't believe in "meant to be", so why would you actively persue a guy who is attached? Just because you fancy him? I'm sure there are alot of single guys you could fancy.

Doesnt mirror it at all!

Fancy him, get on with him, think there's something there, so yeh i'm not gonna hold back because he's taken.

Fink Goddie

Fink Goddie wrote: »

Maybe he thought he was in the right relationship until he met the 'better' person. thats just how it goes.

So he thinks everything is fine and thinks he's in love but is willing to throw it all away on some other girl who shows him some attention and who might well become a wagon as soon as they start dating? That's no better, it's very fickle, IMO.

What sort of a question is that, bit way out isnt it!!!
I dont make a thing of going after men in relationships but if one happens to be and i like him and i think there's something there i'm not going to stop it just because he has a girlfriend. He just met her before me, doesnt mean he's better off with her!

Not really. We're always limiting ourselves. I don't like red haired men, but there's plenty of guys with other hair colours. I don't like short men but there's plenty of tall ones. How is not going for guys who are taken any more limiting than anything else?

I agree with you that just because he met her earlier, that doesn't mean she has to be his lifelong soulmate. Obviously. But that doesn't mean you should get involved while he's still with her. If he liked you enough, he'd do something about it without you actually having to do anything. If he won't break up with her without being sure you'll go out with him, then as I said, he's stringing her along and he's the kind of guy who must always have a girlfriend, whether or not he's madly in love with her. I wouldn't want to be with someone like that.

Fink Goddie

[quote=[Deleted User];63031174]So he thinks everything is fine and thinks he's in love but is willing to throw it all away on some other girl who shows him some attention and who might well become a wagon as soon as they start dating? That's no better, it's very fickle, IMO.



Not really. We're always limiting ourselves. I don't like red haired men, but there's plenty of guys with other hair colours. I don't like short men but there's plenty of tall ones. How is not going for guys who are taken any more limiting than anything else?

I agree with you that just because he met her earlier, that doesn't mean she has to be his lifelong soulmate. Obviously. But that doesn't mean you should get involved while he's still with her. If he liked you enough, he'd do something about it without you actually having to do anything. If he won't break up with her without being sure you'll go out with him, then as I said, he's stringing her along and he's the kind of guy who must always have a girlfriend, whether or not he's madly in love with her. I wouldn't want to be with someone like that.[/quote]

Yeh i like good looking fellas, they have to be tall, i like ones with dark hair, intelligent, good sense of humour, i'm already limited enough without only going for the ones that are single too. If he's single then great, if he's not then we'll see what happens.

Fink Goddie

Fink Goddie wrote: »

Yeh i like good looking fellas, they have to be tall, i like ones with dark hair, intelligent, good sense of humour, i'm already limited enough without only going for the ones that are single too. If he's single then great, if he's not then we'll see what happens.

Well, that's your prerogative. I like tall, dark, intelligent, funny men too and I've never had a problem finding a man who was already single. And even then, I've never actively gone after a guy, ever. I don't know why you seem to think it's so difficult.

the_syco

Kimia wrote: »

The worse in my case was when one particular girl texted my boyfriend saying that she would be better in bed than me - wow. Needless to say he put a big stop to that.

Someone once said to me that "other people see that we have a great relationship, and think that by replacing one, they too can have this great relationship. What they con't realise is that without the both of us, there is no great relationship".

Have to say I agree with what he said.

Fink Goddie

[quote=[Deleted User];63031407]Well, that's your prerogative. I like tall, dark, intelligent, funny men too and I've never had a problem finding a man who was already single. And even then, I've never actively gone after a guy, ever. I don't know why you seem to think it's so difficult.[/quote]

You like them but have you ever gotten a tall, dark, intelligent, funny hot guy though??
I wouldnt throw myself at any guy either, ive never had to. This is not a pub or club situation though, Liked the guy ended up talking to him, got on well, make an effort to talk to him, get to know him and so does he, i wear nice clothes, try to look my best, not throwing myself at him but not stopping where its going either because he's taken!

dearg lady

Fink Goddie wrote: »

I dont know the girlfriend, i dont owe her anything, she met him first but so what.

So if you knew the girl, it would make a difference?
I wouldn't like to cause anyone upset if I could avoid it, whether I knew the person in question or not.

Fink Goddie

the_syco wrote: »

Someone once said to me that "other people see that we have a great relationship, and think that by replacing one, they too can have this great relationship. What they con't realise is that without the both of us, there is no great relationship".

Have to say I agree with what he said.

What if you know nothing about the other woman or their relationship so how would i know if you wanted that???

There might be an even better 'great relationship'!!!:D

Fink Goddie

Fink Goddie wrote: »

You like them but have you ever gotten a tall, dark, intelligent, funny hot guy though??
I wouldnt throw myself at any guy either, ive never had to. This is not a pub or club situation though, Liked the guy ended up talking to him, got on well, make an effort to talk to him, get to know him and so does he, i wear nice clothes, try to look my best, not throwing myself at him but not stopping where its going either because he's taken!

Yes, I said I'd never had a problem doing so. And as I said, it wasn't me doing the chasing. I always dress well and so on but making a special effort for a guy who already has a girlfriend? Naah. Too desperate for me. If he likes me, he likes me and he can decide what he wants to do about it.

Fink Goddie

dearg lady wrote: »

So if you knew the girl, it would make a difference?
I wouldn't like to cause anyone upset if I could avoid it, whether I knew the person in question or not.

Depends on how well i knew her?

Fink Goddie

Fink Goddie wrote: »

What if you know nothing about the other woman or their relationship so how would i know if you wanted that???

There might be an even better 'great relationship'!!!:D

Yes, and then when he's with you, he'll see more opportunities for a better relationship, because doesn't everyone present the best side of themselves to people they want to like them? The grass is always greener for some people. If I was able to get a guy to cheat with me, or dump his gf for me, I'd just be waiting for him to do the same to me.

dearg lady

Fink Goddie wrote: »

Depends on how well i knew her?

So if you don't know someone you couldn't care less about them? Or same if you know them only slightly? Seems very harsh to me tbh

Fink Goddie

[quote=[Deleted User];63031556]Yes, I said I'd never had a problem doing so. And as I said, it wasn't me doing the chasing. I always dress well and so on but making a special effort for a guy who already has a girlfriend? Naah. Too desperate for me. If he likes me, he likes me and he can decide what he wants to do about it.[/quote]

So you never make a special effort, for a date or anything no??

Wouldnt consider it desperate by any means.

dearg lady

[quote=[Deleted User];63031556]Yes, I said I'd never had a problem doing so. And as I said, it wasn't me doing the chasing. I always dress well and so on but making a special effort for a guy who already has a girlfriend? Naah. Too desperate for me. If he likes me, he likes me and he can decide what he wants to do about it.[/quote]

Yup, for me, if I meet someone I like and find out he has a girlfriend, it's like a switch just goes in my head, off limits!!

Fink Goddie

[quote=[Deleted User];63031596]Yes, and then when he's with you, he'll see more opportunities for a better relationship, because doesn't everyone present the best side of themselves to people they want to like them? The grass is always greener for some people. If I was able to get a guy to cheat with me, or dump his gf for me, I'd just be waiting for him to do the same to me.[/quote]

People do it all the time til they fid the right one, i'd say half of unsuccessful relationships are to do with another person being involved!

dearg lady wrote: »

So if you don't know someone you couldn't care less about them? Or same if you know them only slightly? Seems very harsh to me tbh

I dont owe them anything, its the same with girls who like a guy and get p1ssed when you score them, you cant put a hold on guys. If they're not married then its not set in stone.

Fink Goddie

dearg lady wrote: »

Yup, for me, if I meet someone I like and find out he has a girlfriend, it's like a switch just goes in my head, off limits!!

Might change as the more time you spend together and get to know each other, you might not be able to help how ya feel about it!

dearg lady

Fink Goddie wrote: »

I dont owe them anything, its the same with girls who like a guy and get p1ssed when you score them, you cant put a hold on guys. If they're not married then its not set in stone.

Well obviously you don't 'owe them anything', I think it's a lot about respect though. Would you have any remorse about breaking up a relationship and hurting someone?

Fink Goddie wrote: »

Might change as the more time you spend together and get to know each other, you might not be able to help how ya feel about it!

Well I'd never say never but it hasn't happened to me yet, and I hope it never would

ToniTuddle

Fink Goddie wrote: »

Might change as the more time you spend together and get to know each other, you might not be able to help how ya feel about it!

In your life, how many of the men you have "gotten"...were actually in some form of a relationship at the time?

Fink Goddie

Fink Goddie wrote: »

So you never make a special effort, for a date or anything no??

Wouldnt consider it desperate by any means.

If he had asked me out to dinner or something, yes, I'd make an effort to look nice. But doing myself up to impress someone who is already taken, that's a bit pathetic in my book. I'd have too much respect for the girlfriend, whether I knew her or not, to actually knowingly try to get her boyfriend to notice me in that way.

Warfi

Fink Goddie wrote: »

You like them but have you ever gotten a tall, dark, intelligent, funny hot guy though??
I wouldnt throw myself at any guy either, ive never had to. This is not a pub or club situation though, Liked the guy ended up talking to him, got on well, make an effort to talk to him, get to know him and so does he, i wear nice clothes, try to look my best, not throwing myself at him but not stopping where its going either because he's taken!

I know where you're coming from to a certain extent. I've chatted to men in pubs who weren't single (didn't realise at first!), we'd get on really well and I'd then start thinking 'I wonder what his relationship with his girlfriend is like?'. I can quickly recognise people I truly click with, and go into a daydream that they'll break up with their girlfriend to be with me!!

However, going beyond that is too much of a hurdle for me! I wouldn't behave any differently around taken men to any other men I'd meet in ie if they like me they can come back to me (when they're single).

sunnyside

Fink Goddie wrote: »

i wear nice clothes, try to look my best,

[quote=[Deleted User];63031955]If he had asked me out to dinner or something, yes, I'd make an effort to look nice.[/QUOTE]

I've learned that this whole business of nice clothes, nice make-up just doesn't help. I've always loved my clothes and cosmetics and I spend a lot of money on them, not to impress men, I've always done it because I like to look good. But more often than not men seem to not like that, they'll go for the girl in casual clothes and no make-up.

SarahSassy

dearg lady wrote: »

Yup, for me, if I meet someone I like and find out he has a girlfriend, it's like a switch just goes in my head, off limits!!

Same as - why give him the ego boost at your expense?

shellyboo

sunnyside wrote: »

I've learned that this whole business of nice clothes, nice make-up just doesn't help. I've always loved my clothes and cosmetics and I spend a lot of money on them, not to impress men, I've always done it because I like to look good. But more often than not men seem to not like that, they'll go for the girl in casual clothes and no make-up.

If a bloke asked you out to dinner and you turned up in jeans and a t-shirt, no makeup, hair in a pony I think he'd be a bit put out... it's nice to make the effort and it IS appreciated!

I think guys prefer it when women are casual day-to-day though.

Fink Goddie

dearg lady wrote: »

Well obviously you don't 'owe them anything', I think it's a lot about respect though. Would you have any remorse about breaking up a relationship and hurting someone?

These things happen, relationships are a risk.

[quote=[Deleted User];63031955]If he had asked me out to dinner or something, yes, I'd make an effort to look nice. But doing myself up to impress someone who is already taken, that's a bit pathetic in my book. I'd have too much respect for the girlfriend, whether I knew her or not, to actually knowingly try to get her boyfriend to notice me in that way.[/quote]

No harm in getting men to notice you, most women do it.

Warfi wrote: »

I know where you're coming from to a certain extent. I've chatted to men in pubs who weren't single (didn't realise at first!), we'd get on really well and I'd then start thinking 'I wonder what his relationship with his girlfriend is like?'. I can quickly recognise people I truly click with, and go into a daydream that they'll break up with their girlfriend to be with me!!

However, going beyond that is too much of a hurdle for me! I wouldn't behave any differently around taken men to any other men I'd meet in ie if they like me they can come back to me (when they're single).

Yeh i dont want to be the other woman, and they'd have to be single before anything would happen but no harm in letting them know you're interested for when they do become single eh

sunnyside wrote: »

I've learned that this whole business of nice clothes, nice make-up just doesn't help. I've always loved my clothes and cosmetics and I spend a lot of money on them, not to impress men, I've always done it because I like to look good. But more often than not men seem to not like that, they'll go for the girl in casual clothes and no make-up.

Guys like good looking girls, they like girls who look good.

So the girl in the tracksuit and no make up in the nightclub will get the guy over the girl in the dress all done up. doubt it!