Living with parents, dateable

SLUSK

Would you date someone who is unemployed and living with his parents?
Have you dated this kind of man?

Why would you not date a man who is unemployed and living with his parents?

How old is he?
Has he ever lived away from his parents?
Why is he unemployed
Does he contribute to his parents?
Is your social lifestyle expensive?

SLUSK

Moonbaby wrote: »

How old is he?
Has he ever lived away from his parents?
Why is he unemployed?

for arguments sake lets say me... lived away since I was 20. Lived around 3 different countries for 4 years. 28 years old now.

left Ireland a month and a half ago since the place sucked ass beyond belief(worked there 2 years)

Well I don't see that as a problem then.
We are all going to have to get used to people in our lives being unemployed tbh.

Pretty_Pistol

I know a good few people in their mid to late 20's that have become unemployed and have had to move home. It wouldn't be something I would hold against them. It's not their fault.

There's a difference between someone in that position and then a mammys boy who is earning a decent living and still living at home and has his dinner and washing done for him. That would put me off more so.

SLUSK

Pretty_Pistol wrote: »

I know a good few people in their mid to late 20's that have become unemployed and have had to move home. It wouldn't be something I would hold against them. It's not their fault.

There's a difference between someone in that position and then a mammys boy who is earning a decent living and still living at home and has his dinner and washing done for him. That would put me off more so.

I have my dinner and washing done for me.

jellie

are you trying to figure out if any if the girls in the ladies lounge would be interested or something?

Jwacqui

As moonbaby said there are different things to consider.

The last guy I was seeing for over a year was living in his family home with his nan. He had a degree and had been working abroad for 2 years, living away when doing his degree also.

He moved home because he finished his time at this job abroad, his nan wasn't quite well and he basically couldn't afford rent.

Overall I judged him on what type of person he was. He was independant, reliable, honest, helped his nan out, kind etc..

It's a much bigger question than " Would you date somebody that lives at home"

pikachucheeks

As everyone's said, it depends on the context and his reasons for living with his parents.

If he was a college student, like myself, I wouldn't have a problem with him living with his parents. A lot of my friends still live at home, largely because they live close enough to college without needing to move out.

If he was made redundant or had lost his job, then I wouldn't have a problem either. There's a recession going on. It's largely out of a lot of people's control whether they're employed or not. I wouldn't put someone down for not having a job, in these times.

I'd only really have a problem with a guy I was seeing living at home if he did so out of laziness ; too lazy to find a job, too lazy to look for his own place, too lazy to bother cooking or cleaning for himself etc.

Nervous Wreck

I'm 23 and still live at home for 2 reasons:

1. My job pays enough that I could move out but I'd have to give up car/gym/drums/alot of things

and

2. I want to go back to college next year so I need to hang on to this job as it's uber-flexible. Paying my way through college along with rent totally wouldn't happen cos I wouldn't be entitled to that much grant-wise and my parents won't be able to help much cos they just helped my sister through a masters and my bro will be starting college next year too, hopefully. I could move out, sure, but I'd only end up having to move back in out of necessity.

Cupcake_Crisis

Its down to age and circumstance really

Lollipops23

At this moment in time it's not really something that you can judge a person over; in the past I would have thought that a guy who was unemployed might be a bit lazy, only because anyone who wanted a job had one.

I live with my parents, I don't fee ashamed of it as I pay my way and take care of my own stuff.My OH is currently living at home too, doesn't really bother me other than not getting a lot of privacy.

Alessandra

Depends on the person. If the person was motivated to find employment and had ambition and drive to improve his situation it wouldn't be a definite no.

Vagante

Depends on the person-I would have to balance it out with the whole personality-also think about it-the money saved living at home

_Kooli_

Ive dated 2 people who lived with their parents.
Never again. There is definitely something wrong with someone living with their parents into their mid to late 20s.

WesternNight

Living at home because you can't be bothered to move out or because you'd miss your mammy doing everything for you is different from, say, living at home because it would be economically irresponsible to move out. I wouldn't be too impressed by someone who's moved out purely because it "looks better" than living at home even though that meant that they were up to their eyes in debt or whatever.

So yeah, as everyone else has said, it really does depend on circumstances.

_Kooli_

WesternNight wrote: »

Living at home because you can't be bothered to move out or because you'd miss your mammy doing everything for you is different from, say, living at home because it would be economically irresponsible to move out. I wouldn't be too impressed by someone who's moved out purely because it "looks better" than living at home even though that meant that they were up to their eyes in debt or whatever.

So yeah, as everyone else has said, it really does depend on circumstances.

You dont know the circumstances before you date them, so best to stay clear imo.

WesternNight

_Kooli_ wrote: »

You dont know the circumstances before you date them, so best to stay clear imo.

Well, it's an out-there idea, but you could always ask them.

_Kooli_

WesternNight wrote: »

Well, it's an out-there idea, but you could always ask them.

Yes i can see where that would go.



"Would you like to go out?"

... "Well, Do you live with your parents because you are a sad git, or are you just unemployed and bumming off them temporarily?"

WesternNight

_Kooli_ wrote: »

Yes i can see where that would go.



"Would you like to go out?"

... "Well, Do you live with your parents because you are a sad git, or are you just unemployed and bumming off them temporarily?"

You have a strange way of asking questions :P

Abi

SLUSK wrote: »

Would you date someone who is unemployed and living with his parents?
Have you dated this kind of man?

Why would you not date a man who is unemployed and living with his parents?

I hate referring to 'these times', but it has to be factored into the question. If a man has determination and a vision, then there is no reason not to date him. Its purely circumstantial. If a woman cannot see past this, she is in my opinion materialistic. I'd expect a man to have the same patience for me if that were the case.

Abi

_Kooli_ wrote: »

Yes i can see where that would go.

"Would you like to go out?"

... "Well, Do you live with your parents because you are a sad git, or are you just unemployed and bumming off them temporarily?"

Thats a massive exaggeration, and you know it is.

_Kooli_

Abigayle wrote: »

Thats a massive exaggeration, and you know it is.

How so?
How would you find out if a person living with their parents was a sponger or just sad.
I have no time for anyone who becomes a liability to their parents after they leave full time education. Job or no job.
Go, do something with your life. If you have to emigrate to do it, then go. Stop spongeing.
Things are not meant to be easy. Have we forgotten this.

Abi

_Kooli_ wrote: »

How would you find out if a person living with their parents was a sponger or just sad.

It certainly wouldn't be in an opening conversation. That would make a woman look like an absolute bitch, for a start.

I have no time for anyone who becomes a liability to their parents after they leave full time education. Job or no job.

Has it entered your mind that it might not be of their own intention?

Go, do something with your life. If you have to emigrate to do it, then go. Stop spongeing. Things are not meant to be easy. Have we forgotten this.

I think there is a little keyboard warrior at work here.

Will

23, lived abroad for a year, came home to finish studies. College over, can't find fulltime employment, living at home.
Currently working as relief worker i.e fill in for those who are sick in work. So my hours aren't set in stone. Some weeks I may work the whole week, others maybe one day or even 4 hours. As a result my wages vary month to month.
Trying to save so I can move out and have a few months as a buffer just in case work isn't as available.

to be honest it shouldn't matter where or who someone lives with, if you get on with them and there's a spark that's all you need wouldn't go ticking someone off a list just for living at home.

_Kooli_

Abigayle wrote: »

I think there is a little keyboard warrior at work here.

Like yourself. You're not doing it on your mammys electricity are you?

shellyboo

_Kooli_ wrote: »

How so?

I have no time for anyone who becomes a liability to their parents after they leave full time education. Job or no job.
Go, do something with your life. If you have to emigrate to do it, then go. Stop spongeing.

I'm about to be made redundant and my parents are begging and pleading with me to move home. Seriously. They're dying to get me back up there - I'm 25.

I have no intention of moving back home, but if I have to, I have to. Sometimes you have to rely on others, and we're lucky to be able to do so, I reckon.


That said, I wouldn't be overly enamoured with someone who lived withe their parents by choice - as in, could afford to move out but decided to stay. Purely from a practicality point of view, I would find it awkward.

Abi

_Kooli_ wrote: »

Like yourself.

Because I've disagreed with a materialistic opinion?

You're not doing it on your mammys electricity are you?

Not since I was 18, and that was petty.

Wibbs

_Kooli_ wrote: »

Like yourself. You're not doing it on your mammys electricity are you?

_Kooli_ dial it back a bit. Opinion is fine and indeed welcome, but there's a fine line. Don't cross it. Thanks.

Abi

shellyboo wrote: »

I'm about to be made redundant and my parents are begging and pleading with me to move home. Seriously. They're dying to get me back up there - I'm 25.

Sorry to hear about the imminent redundancy Shellyboo, but you should consider what they are offering. At least until you get back on your feet. I know your privacy will go out the window a bit, but you'll manage.

I have no intention of moving back home, but if I have to, I have to. Sometimes you have to rely on others, and we're lucky to be able to do so, I reckon.


That said, I wouldn't be overly enamoured with someone who lived withe their parents by choice - as in, could afford to move out but decided to stay. Purely from a practicality point of view, I would find it awkward.

Of course nobody wants to. But not doing it will only sap your resources and you might wind up doing it later, and in a less financially stable way. Save all the money you can, while you can!

_Kooli_

Abigayle wrote: »

Not since I was 18, and that was petty.

Pot and Kettle.
I know a girl who scrounged of her parents til she was 30,
She got married, left home, 3 years later her dad died. They moved back into the house and the mother was in a nursing home within the year.
Its me who calls in and brings her to visit my Mum who has been friends with her for 40 years. Her daughter hardly ever goes near her now.

shellyboo

Abigayle wrote: »

Sorry to hear about the imminent redundancy Shellyboo, but you should consider what they are offering. At least until you get back on your feet. I know your privacy will go out the window a bit, but you'll manage.



Of course nobody wants to. But not doing it will only sap your resources and you might wind up doing it later, and in a less financially stable way. Save all the money you can, while you can!

No way, not doing it unless I 100% have to. I'm not giving up my life in Dublin, I've been here 8 years now and it feels like home. Also, moving back to Donegal means less chance of getting a job in my industry.

I'm just not prepared to give up the life I spent so long establishing unless I really, really have to.

WesternNight

_Kooli_ wrote: »

Pot and Kettle.
I know a girl who scrounged of her parents til she was 30,
She got married, left home, 3 years later her dad died. They moved back into the house and the mother was in a nursing home within the year.
Its me who calls in and brings her to visit my Mum who has been friends with her for 40 years. Her daughter hardly ever goes near her now.

And that's the typical situation, is it? If someone lives at home past the age of 18? Come on, let's not be so mean about this.

Abi

_Kooli_ wrote: »

I know a girl who scrounged of her parents til she was 30,She got married, left home, 3 years later her dad died. They moved back into the house and the mother was in a nursing home within the year.

That makes her an awful person, not me Kooli.

Its me who calls in and brings her to visit my Mum who has been friends with her for 40 years. Her daughter hardly ever goes near her now.

And thats a wonderful thing you do for her, and keep doing it. If her family chooses not to bother, then its their loss. And they will feel it when their mother is gone. You, on the other hand, have something to hold onto. I don't need to explain what that is.

shellyboo wrote:

No way, not doing it unless I 100% have to. I'm not giving up my life in Dublin, I've been here 8 years now and it feels like home. Also, moving back to Donegal means less chance of getting a job in my industry.

I'm just not prepared to give up the life I spent so long establishing unless I really, really have to.

I didn't realise your family home was from outside Dublin, I understand how hard it must have been to set up. Hope it works out for you

_Kooli_

WesternNight wrote: »

And that's the typical situation, is it? If someone lives at home past the age of 18? Come on, let's not be so mean about this.

Well what do you think? I never said everyone was in the same situation did i. You know what i said. Dont scrounge off your parents. If you cant stand on your own 2 feet into your 20s then you have big personal problems.
Maybe when you were working you should have saved some rainy day money.

But i suppose if it gets someone off benefits, its good for the country if people go scrounging off the parents.

shellyboo

Abigayle wrote: »

I didn't realise your family home was from outside Dublin, I understand how hard it must have been to set up. Hope it works out for you

Yeah, from Donegal originally. I think the fact that I haven't lived at home since I was 17 makes me all the more reluctant - I love my parents and we get on great, but I just couldn't hack living with them, I don't think. The loss of independence would hit me hard.

Anyhoodles, that's OT!

metaoblivia

Like with everyone else, it would depend on the circumstances. I can't judge too harshly of course, because as of January I won't have a job either and will be moving back in with my mom until I find a permanent teaching position, which may not be until the start of the next school year. It's just the more financially viable option for the time being, especially considering the job market in Florida right now. There's no guarantee that I'll be able to find anything more than part time work until the summer. But I've saved up thousands of dollars in order to pay my bills for that time. Living with my mom will allow me to stretch out that nest egg a little further and will put me in a better position to afford my own apartment once I start teaching.

A lot of people are experiencing the same sort of transition right now, and I don't think it eliminates them from the dating pool. It's just a tough economy we're living in.

There are also other situations where a parent is sick and a son or daughter moves back in to help take care of them. I know a few people doing that.

But if someone has a full time job, can afford to live on their own but chooses not to, I'd wonder about that.

Warfi

A man living at home might be seen by some people as a bad thing...'Mammy's boy' being the worst assumption.
Every man is different though. A man who lives at home with his parents might be nicer than a man who's lived away from home for years. Depends on the person.

This thread reminds me of the great philosopher Costanza
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKUvKE3bQlY

It would depend on the circumstances - is he studying? is he planning on doing something else in the near future which would mean moving out? If it was a temporary thing I wouldn't mind, but if it was permanent, I probably would. I think it's strange to want to live with your parents well into your twenties. The people I know who say it's grand are people who have never lived away and so they don't know what it's like to be independent. I thought I had a great relationship with my parents and I liked living at home, but after living away for college, I can't hack more than a week at a time now.

In certain circumstances though, it makes financial sense. If my parents lived close to a university, I'd probably stay at home rather than throwing away money on rent. I wouldn't like it but it'd be the sensible thing to do.

Kooli

_Kooli_ wrote: »

Well what do you think? I never said everyone was in the same situation did i. You know what i said. Dont scrounge off your parents. If you cant stand on your own 2 feet into your 20s then you have big personal problems.
Maybe when you were working you should have saved some rainy day money.

But i suppose if it gets someone off benefits, its good for the country if people go scrounging off the parents.

I think everyone probably agrees that certain people living at home would be 'undateable' but what matters is the reason they are living at home. For instance I don't think I'd date a 30 year old bloke who lives at home even though he has a job just because it's an 'easy ride'.

You seem to believe that it's better not to even find that out, and just assume that anyone living at home is a lazy scrounger, and I think that's what most people disagree with you about.


(God I wish we didn't have the same username...)

krudler

If you cant stand on your own 2 feet into your 20s then you have big personal problems.
Maybe when you were working you should have saved some rainy day money.

A friend of mine left home at 18 after getting a scholarship, finished college, travelled half the world on his own dollar, got a great, well paying job, was made redundant and had to move home temporarily at 28 because he's spent a few grand already of the money he's been saving to pay for the wedding him and his oh have planned in 2 years time on rent and living while out of work, and he refused to go on the dole, does that make him sad and a scrounger?

ash23

Depends totally on the reason.

I would prefer if a guy were living out of home as it means he can look after himself and isn't looking for someone to mind him.
I've known guys (and girls) who live at home for convenience and to make sure they have more money for the pub every weekend. Can't stand that.

However, if you've someone who has fallen on hard times through no fault of their own, then it wouldn't be off putting so long as they were pulling their weight at home and not scrounging off mam and dad and falling back into teenage mode.

I moved out just before my 17th birthday and have paid my own way since (except for a stint of 6 months after I had my daughter -I was 20 and single and couldn't wait to move out! )

I figure if I can feed and clothe 2 people, pay rent for a house, run a car and socialise on a fairly small wage, then anyone working full time and living at home is just looking for an easy way through life.

petes

I quit my last job a few years back think it was October 2007. Had to get out of there for my own sanity/health.

Ended up having to move home with my parents at 27 having lived away from home since I was twenty.Needed to do this as i couldn't afford it.

Now I know some might say left a perfectly good job only to move home but I had my reasons.

I actively seeked work until I actually got an interview for where I work now. I had actually paid a deposit with a frien for a place before I even had the interview. Got the job and it all worked out okay.

It was okay for the three or four months I was there but I had to leave.

People move home for all different reasons and they are lucky to have the opportunity to do do. I have every sympathy for someone who has had to move home.

tl;dr yes I would date someone who lived with their parents

krudler

Part of me kinda hopes I get made redundant and have to move in with my parents, they live in Spain

Maple

krudler wrote: »

Part of me kinda hopes I get made redundant and have to move in with my parents, they live in Spain

can i come live with them if i get made redundant too?

shellyboo

krudler wrote: »

Part of me kinda hopes I get made redundant and have to move in with my parents, they live in Spain

Tell you what, I *am* being made redundant, so I'll go get your room ready for you just in case... :P

minidazzler

shellyboo wrote: »

Tell you what, I *am* being made redundant, so I'll go get your room ready for you just in case... :P

Keep the bed warm for him eh;);) :P

mectavba

I think there is a lot of posters here being overly judgmental here.

I live at home, pay rent to the parents every week, also have a loan to pay back which i took out to pay for a Masters etc. Im also trying to put money in a savings account every month so that I can either travel or move abroad to work when my loan will be eventually paid off (circa Feb 2011).
So by certain people's criteria, I am being "lazy" (do all my own cooking, except I do admit that the mother still does my washing) and "spongeing". But as far as Im concerned I have sacrificed moving out right now, for bettering my qualifications so that in a couple of years down the line I can achieve what I want. The alternative would be to have moved out stayed in my current job for years and maybe not achieving my ambitions.

I agree that there is something not right with people staying at home into their mid 20s out of pure laziness etc. But there are a lot of people who live away from home and that is the extent of their ambitions. They will be happy to sit in with a few beers every night for the rest of their lives. If that makes a guy more dateable so be it.
Im sure one of the underlying reasons for the OP's post about a guy living at home is the whole issue of how regularly you can be intimate with each other...a lot of parents would not be comfortable letting their son/daughters' partner stay the night with them. I know it can be a bit of awkward/nightmarish situation, but cant say ive ever come across it as a dealbreaker...do others think it is???

shellyboo

minidazzler wrote: »

Keep the bed warm for him eh;);) :P

:eek: What kind of girl do you think I am, sir?

*storms off*

:pac::p:D

ash23

mectavba wrote: »

I think there is a lot of posters here being overly judgmental here.

I live at home, pay rent to the parents every week, also have a loan to pay back which i took out to pay for a Masters etc. Im also trying to put money in a savings account every month so that I can either travel or move abroad to work when my loan will be eventually paid off (circa Feb 2011).
So by certain people's criteria, I am being "lazy" (do all my own cooking, except I do admit that the mother still does my washing) and "spongeing". But as far as Im concerned I have sacrificed moving out right now, for bettering my qualifications so that in a couple of years down the line I can achieve what I want. The alternative would be to have moved out stayed in my current job for years and maybe not achieving my ambitions.

I agree that there is something not right with people staying at home into their mid 20s out of pure laziness etc. But there are a lot of people who live away from home and that is the extent of their ambitions. They will be happy to sit in with a few beers every night for the rest of their lives. If that makes a guy more dateable so be it.
Im sure one of the underlying reasons for the OP's post about a guy living at home is the whole issue of how regularly you can be intimate with each other...a lot of parents would not be comfortable letting their son/daughters' partner stay the night with them. I know it can be a bit of awkward/nightmarish situation, but cant say ive ever come across it as a dealbreaker...do others think it is???

Maybe lazy is the wrong word. But I can't really understand paying rent to the parents as opposed to renting a room in a shared house. Saving for travelling, being honest, to me thats no different to saving to buy clothes or saving to go on holidays. Personally I would prefer to save for longer and have my own place than stay at home for the convenience.

It's about having independence and I wouldn't class someone at home as being lazy but I would doubt their ability to make it on their own (if they were working) and I would question whether I wanted to be with someone who would prefer to live at home with mam and dad that live out of home if it were feasible to do so.
I want a man who will be able to take care of himself and "living at home to save to travel" wouldn't cut it for me personally. But then again i wouldn't date someone who was heading off travelling in a couple of years anyway.

minidazzler

shellyboo wrote: »

:eek: What kind of girl do you think I am, sir?

*storms off*

:pac::p:D

The highest calibre of lady, m'lady :P