Break ups, rejection, stress etc. Coping mechanisms

Cookie Jar

This topic was posted by Will* over in TGC.
Thought we could use it here.

I have had probably 3 serious relationships all ended by me.
I had never been left "heartbroken".

My last breakup was back in November last year. I ended it due to certain reasons. We were together 2 years. TBH when we first broke up I was not very bothered. I seemed to be happier on my own

The said person is still in my life. Over the past couple of months it seems to have hit me. I regret my previous decision of breaking up.
But said person has moved on.

As I have never really been in this situation it has hit me very hard.
I have tried a lot of things, going out getting pissed, talking to friends, being angry at everyone, being on my own and my favourite.. breaking things.

A couple of weeks ago I started writing a journal thing. If at any particular time I get upset or angry at something I write the reasons down. At times I find myself rambling on about everything. But at the end of this I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

How does everyone else deal with these situations??

*Thanks will

Dudess

For me it's: keeping occupied, spending as much time as possible in the company of others - too much time alone/doing nothing causes me too think too much and go over and over things, which is soul-destroying.
Sometimes it's hard to just get on with things and do stuff, and much easier to mope around... but the easier option is what will make life harder. And vice versa.

liah

God, I don't even know. When my first relationship ended (2 1/2 years) there was about 7 hours between that and my next relationship (a year). That sounds REALLY bad but it isn't really, it's just complicated and hard to explain. I didn't expect any sort of relationship that soon, but that's all I'll say about it I guess.

After my 2nd.. I ended it. I don't remember how I dealt with it. I think I just sunk myself into the computer and went numb til I was done processing it.

As for the current one.. I'm not sure how I'll handle it yet. It's over in 2 days which is when I finally (for anyone who's paid attention) get a free ticket out of Tralee. Right now I feel like crap about it because while he's explicitly broken up with me, we're still acting like we're in a relationship due to the fact that I can't get out of this town til friday and it's flowing completely normally like there's nothing wrong. My head's messed up.

I'll probably go the numb-by-computer thing for awhile like last time, but it's unpredictable at the moment.

MizzLolly

Geez, I only had my heart properly broken once but it's affected every single person that's come along since. So I haven't a clue, I suppose it depends on how the relationship was. I guess more abusive, manipulative ones will leave a lot more of an impact than a clean break. I find one thing that helps me after break ups is when I spend a day, just for myself and get my hair cut, buy a new outfit, treat myself to some new make up etc and normally get a piercing of some sort!

Then of course just staying off the radar and being your own best friend for a lil while.

I've only been in love the once.
We knew we were going to break up, 6 months before it happened. It just hurt too much to do it, at the time.
So we gave ourselves time to fall out of love, that didn't work very well.
I took off to spend the summer abroad, to give us space.
I probably wouldn't have had the strength to end it, if I hadn't had that experience.
Probably because of all this build up, it didn't feel that bad when it happened.
It took me a long time to fall out of being in love though.
We used to talk alot to support each other through it, because we were best friends at the time.
I had so much going on then, that it was the least of my worries, if you know what I mean. It is harder to think back on it now.

I'm a relative newbie to rejection. It smarts when it is done with a lack of honour and integrity.
But I think the fact that I've know what it is to be loved greatly helps.
I won't invest my heart for anything less than that.
And I wouldn't begrudge anyone the chance to find a connection like that.
So it doesn't really bother me these days. (((NEXXTTT!!!!)))

I don;t have good advice for dealing with stress. I don;t worry about things that I can't change. And I don't judge myself by others standards. So I tend to be less stressed than others.
But when the proverbial hits the fan, I am fecked. No coping skills.

supermouse

God im probably not in the best position to write about this right now (midheartbreak! )


Stress is usually dealth with by a cry and an early night. Im a stresshead at times but only for a few hours at a time and i always feel better after sleeping, i adore my bed!!! And a cuddle with the OH helped me too - oh lets not go there!

I have had 2 break-ups in my life apart from this one, the first break up was after a 9 month relationship when i was 17 and i just got on with it, got stuck into friends and going out and enjoying myself. That lad hooked up with a girl about 6 weeks after we broke up and they're still together 7 years later!!!!!!!

My second break up was the first time i was truly lost in love, i was just brokenhearted for months afterwards. I lost myself in myself, shut out friends, stopped going out, became a hermit at 18yrs of age, just sunk into deep hurt and despair. After a few months i came out of it and concentrated on me again!

This time im on the other side of the world from the ex-oh but its not easier over here. I hope one day i look back and say 'god that made me so strong'' right now im not feeling it! Keeping as busy as possible and heading travelling again next week - that may work !

Nervous Wreck

I've learned a lot about myself in the past year, due to relationship crap. It inspires two reactions in me, one eventually over-riding the other but here's how it goes....

Day One: Disconnectedness - It seems to have absolutely no affect on me and, for all intents and purposes, I seem to be totally unscathed.

Day Two: Shock - I get hit very hard indeed by the shock and end up crying quite a bit.

Days Three - Seven: Dramatised Melancholy - I cry often and hard. I feel and act pathetic but only in private. No one ever sees a tear escape my eye, though they're always just on the verge.

Week Two: Inspiration - I decide that I'm better than the heartache and endeavour to better myself, not for any reason other than wanting to feel better about myself.

The inspiration trend generally continues until the other stages of relationship grieving have done their cycles. It ends up extremely beneficial though. Since breaking up with my last (absolute cúnt of a) girlfriend I have:

Learned to swing dance
Learned to drive
Learned to play drums
Gotten contacts (which is something I've wanted to do for at least 5 years)
Joined a gym and bulked up (I'm no longer a stick figure)
Started a night-course
Improved my self image and gained self-confidence
Improved my world-view
Improved my trust and understanding of other people
Improved my social life by giving more time to it
Begun to really appreciate my friendships


Apparently heartbreak agrees with me to some extent. If I could harness the productivity without the heartache, I'd be set.....! My main goal though is self-empowerment/keeping busy.

Any key?

loada balls
guess this is where bein born northside backfires

supermouse

Nervous Wreck - round of applause for you!!

I really admire you for taking control of things and turning them around to suit you and make you the better person - well done you !:)

Xiney

Ha. My coping mechanisms could use some work, since this time around (losing my job) they resulted in a *mumble* pound weight gain.


Not the first time this has happened, either

iguana

Walkman* full of loud, rock-heavy, angry music and I stomp around town playing it over and over while imagining revenge scenarios. Not chop-him-up-in-little-bits type revenge, but the future-meeting-where-I-am-being-awesome-with-my-awesome-new-love-and-he-is-a-pathetic-little-flotsam-who-I-barely-recognise type revenge.

*It's been nearly 10 years since my last proper heart-break

sunnyside

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Days Three - Seven: Dramatised Melancholy - I cry often and hard. I feel and act pathetic but only in private. No one ever sees a tear escape my eye, though they're always just on the verge.

Week Two: Inspiration - I decide that I'm better than the heartache and endeavour to better myself, not for any reason other than wanting to feel better about myself.

The inspiration trend generally continues until the other stages of relationship grieving have done their cycles. It ends up extremely beneficial though. Since breaking up with my last (absolute cúnt of a) girlfriend I have:

Learned to swing dance
Learned to drive
Learned to play drums
Gotten contacts (which is something I've wanted to do for at least 5 years)
Joined a gym and bulked up (I'm no longer a stick figure)
Started a night-course
Improved my self image and gained self-confidence
Improved my world-view
Improved my trust and understanding of other people
Improved my social life by giving more time to it
Begun to really appreciate my friendships


Apparently heartbreak agrees with me to some extent. If I could harness the productivity without the heartache, I'd be set.....! My main goal though is self-empowerment/keeping busy.

I'm fascinated by this. All that in one year:eek:I think we need an inspiration thread for others trying to do the same.

For me the days 3-7 you describe would last a lot longer. Feeling sorry for myself, lying on my bed doing nothing for hours on end.

homerun_homer

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Learned to swing dance
Learned to drive
Learned to play drums
Gotten contacts (which is something I've wanted to do for at least 5 years)
Joined a gym and bulked up (I'm no longer a stick figure)
Started a night-course
Improved my self image and gained self-confidence
Improved my world-view
Improved my trust and understanding of other people
Improved my social life by giving more time to it
Begun to really appreciate my friendships

Good on you - I found that a big break up sapped all my motivation to do things. It was awful, I like being creative and doing things (music/art/whatever) and I just couldn't force myself to do anything for the longest time.

ciagr297

for breakups - i go on a mission to change everything about my life. so i do a variety of the following: move house, take up classes of some sort, change jobs, new haircut, travel or anything else i can think of.
basically i change so many things that it both distracts me and makes the breakup seem not too important.
i'm sure i look like i'm taking it in stride, but it usually hits me after my round of changes. then i need a few weeks to absorb everything and figure it out.

for coping with stress - its a fine balance. if its too much, i get demotivated. too little and i don't move fast enough. just the right amount for me, and i get a plan together, get stuck in and just go for it. i used to get really strange rashes and upset stomachs from stress but i think you learn to recognise the initial signs and do what you can not to get too stressed. for me, its as much about how i react to the situation as it is the actual level of stress involved in the situation....if you get me

Novella

I usually just get a haircut tbh.

Sephiroth_dude

I keep it all bottled up :-/.

Professey Chin

I dont even remember anymore

Vinta81

I'm trying to cope now by not adressing it - although I've found boys can be bigger bitches than girls or maybe it's just this group. I live in a place where literlly everyone knows everyone

nodirectionhome

Break ups suck, I cope by distracting myself, with whatever it takes, work evening classes, friends, going out planning holidays etc. Its killing me on the inside but I know all of a sudden I'll realise things have become easier

banshee_bones

iguana wrote: »

Walkman* full of loud, rock-heavy, angry music and I stomp around town playing it over and over while imagining revenge scenarios. Not chop-him-up-in-little-bits type revenge, but the future-meeting-where-I-am-being-awesome-with-my-awesome-new-love-and-he-is-a-pathetic-little-flotsam-who-I-barely-recognise type revenge.

*It's been nearly 10 years since my last proper heart-break

This works. Well for me anyway. Also works if i feel that nervous/extra energy in me, I hit the gym and work out, run/cross trainer do whatever cardio i can til I have no energy left to be mad/angry/upset/ with anyone.

Did this the morning after one particularly upsetting end to a relationship, still don't know how i even got out of bed that day but the endorphins released are also a plus to this!

kingtut

Well I am a guy so here is my perspetive:

1) First Girl - Dumped me by text, claimed that she would have no time for boys when she was back at school and her parents would not let her out of the house at the weekends because she would have to study. Following weekend she was with a guy in her class and had been seeing him behind my back.

How did I get over her? Took a long time and I still hate her but realised people like that will always fate come back to smack in the ass some day.

2) Second girl (italian) - Dumped me by text saying "I want to take a break" which is the cowards way of dumping someone. Remained in touch and kept probing for reasons as to why she dumped me. She said she had lieukimia (sp?) and was getting sicker by the day and did not want me to see her suffering and not to say anything to her sister as she did not know and would get upset. Rang her mum one day to ask how her daughter was getting on as I was concerned that she was in the hospital so much and was not improving. Her mum didn't have a clue what I was going on about and so she was lying about it. My uncle died of lieukimia so it was a nasty thing to make up. Found out that she was studying in Italy while getting off with an old boyfriend).

I got over her by realising that I do not need mean nasty hurtful liars in my life

3) Third girl - Spent a wonderful 4 hours at the beach, drove back to Cork during which I got a text (saying I think we should break up because we were not clicking). This is fair enough and I kind of agreed however, she had just spent 4 hours with me and could not say it to my face!! :mad: 2 weeks later she was with someone else. Clearly I meant nothing to her.

Still not 100% over her but ah well.

Bet this is another post I'll regret putting up but if it helps anyone it is worth it

Raze_them_all

In my opinion I've had only one nasty break up, and it wasn't the fact that we broke up but the way it happened.

I got over it by getting smashed for the better part of 2 months, training hard during the day.

hullaballoo

For me, it consists of listening to the Smiths a lot and then watching a load of comedy (usually stand-up). I find friends aren't very useful at the start because they say idiotic things and make small of it.

Of course, in reality, it is small, but it never feels like that. Even if you're the one doing the breaking up.

Other coping mechanisms include making other people minutely miserable for a small amount of time. It's sadistic, but it works wonders.

dr.bollocko

I generally resort to drinking and smoking rather a lot.
For me the worst part is that crumbling feeling. Finally it's all over whether you ended it or not. The big long drawn out conversation during which you forget every single reason you had for ending it is over and you're just left there on your own finally. A cigarette gets lit and it all just hits you like a wall of fresh pain. The worst part is those people who don't let you end it. You tell them what you want, to break up, and they just don't accept it. You try to be nice but then it just mushrooms until you have some crazy person texting you 10 times a day or calling you when you just need some time away from them. Then it can take a while to remember that you're a person in your own right. That strange empty husk feeling of numbness tends to follow me around a bit for a while and I get very introspective.
TBH The only way I've ever really reconciled a break up is by moving on. Either with somebody else, or moving to a different place or something. Change has to happen for me to stop thinking about it.

rannerap

dont eat or sleep and just drink a lot,healthy:)

ash23

Hmmmmm...first heartbreak was when my then fella told me he was engaged with a child. Just after I told him I was pregnant. I was 19. Oucheee.
Kept myself busy with the impending arrival and my family helped me through.

Heartbreak number 2 was partner of nearly 6 years. Left me for a 19 year old. (I really pick em).
Coped by going to work and focussing on my daughter and helping her through her pain. Moved out, lost 5 stone through misery, realised I looked fab lol, chopped up my hair, bought new clothes, made new friends, went out every weekend without fail, kissed loads of boys who were better looking than my ex........Again am v fortunate to have some fantastic friends and the unwavering support of my family. I rang my poor mum at 12am in the morning after he ended it and she left her house (4 hours drive) in order to be with me the following morning because I just didn't know how to tell my daughter who loved this guy like a father. And my wonderful sisters who forced me to go out even when I didn't want to and who came to stay with me for weekends so i wouldn't be alone.

Not planning on heartbreak number 3. Will be spinster forever me thinks!

pow wow

Dignified silence and lots of 'me' time. The worst breakup I had was at the worst time of my life (for other reasons....lucky me!) and I honestly thought it would break me and I guess it did for a while. I don't think it ever leaves you really, but I don't think about it or feel sad about it anymore.

The easiest (?!) way I found through it was to accept that he thought about it, made a decision, and he didn't want me. And I sure as s**t don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me We've all been through/are going to go through far worse in our lives than some guy/girl who chose Plan B. A little perspective, and maybe some Bacardi

Warfi

When I get stressed, worried, finish a relationship/relationship finishes me, I try to focus on the things I take for granted. I go for a run, and focus on the fact that I'm physically able to do that. I focus on the fact that I have family and friends, and that I'm far luckier than a lot of people.

Still sucks but thinking like this helps me through the initial stages of wondering what I did wrong this time. I give it another few weeks, and by then I can't comprehend the meaning of the word 'wrong'

Warfi

ash23 wrote: »

Hmmmmm...first heartbreak was when my then fella told me he was engaged with a child. Just after I told him I was pregnant. I was 19. Oucheee.
Kept myself busy with the impending arrival and my family helped me through.

Heartbreak number 2 was partner of nearly 6 years. Left me for a 19 year old. (I really pick em).
Coped by going to work and focussing on my daughter and helping her through her pain. Moved out, lost 5 stone through misery, realised I looked fab lol, chopped up my hair, bought new clothes, made new friends, went out every weekend without fail, kissed loads of boys who were better looking than my ex........Again am v fortunate to have some fantastic friends and the unwavering support of my family. I rang my poor mum at 12am in the morning after he ended it and she left her house (4 hours drive) in order to be with me the following morning because I just didn't know how to tell my daughter who loved this guy like a father. And my wonderful sisters who forced me to go out even when I didn't want to and who came to stay with me for weekends so i wouldn't be alone.

Not planning on heartbreak number 3. Will be spinster forever me thinks!

You haven't been lucky, but your positive attitude speaks volumes. I'm sure you'll meet someone who deserves you

Pinky Pixie

I just broke up with my boyfriend over the weekend. Really devestated. I find it hard to trust guys because my last boyfriend cheated on me in front of my face. Convinced myself he was going to cheat on me. So inevetiably it came to ahead that without trust there is no relationship. Sad part is I know deep down that he would never do anything to hurt me never mind cheat. Anyone got any advice for me. I could sure use some right now. I feel like a zombie I havin't slept or ate since.

dr.bollocko

Sometimes the baggage you carry from past relationships can ruin what's going on in the present. It appears that because of your previous relationships you have developed a mistrust of men you get close with because of the hurt this caused in the past. Because of the way you have learned this, you are consciously able to realise the flaws in your behaviour. IE not trusting your current, recent ex because of the pattern of a past relationship. Yet it still impinges on this new relationship. I think it best to acknowledge this pattern of behaviour to your OH or at least level with him about why you have a fear he'll cheat and that it has little to do with him. Or else you could wait until you are ready to really put yourself out there again as a confident person in your own right who does not resort to these irrational fears when when confronted with a potentially good relationship.
It's hard to get over a bad break up. But that doesn't mean you have to clam up forever or that history will automatically repeat itself. It's down to you to control these fears.

Black Swan

Cookie Jar wrote: »

How does everyone else deal with these situations??

I workout extra hard for a few days, exhausting myself, to where sleep at night comes easily. Some things I've put off doing get done. And all my university assignments get completed early. If I'm still not over him, I tend to party more, and unfortunately, drink too much.

Clare Bear

Boards was my life saver after my two break ups. The support from people was amazing and I'll never forget it. I tend to not physically want to speak about it and just write it down instead, it helped a lot.

I don't really tend to get stressed very often but a good long walk on the beach usually helps to clear my head.

Madame Razz

I react differently depending on whether I was dumped or did the dumping.

Being the dumper makes me very proactive and focussed and I do all the new haircut new image type things, get involved in new things etc etc. Basically I move on and reinvent myself.

I've only been dumped once, in especially not nice circumstances and I can honestly say it ruined me as a person. Oh, and for the first time in my life I comfort ate. It took a bloody long time to get over tbh, and coloured my view of men and relationships for quite a while. That all sounds very dramatic, but it really is quite profound what a negative relationship end will have on your life.

jellie

bad breakups result in lack of sleep and appetite for me. i remember nights watching every boxset i could find.

always seem to get my hair cut.

try to keep busy, taking up a new evening class, driving lessons (though still not driving, must get back to it )

accept any social invitation at all, usually involves drinking way too much, but generally just do anything at all to get out of the house & avoid moping.

Azureus

My coping mechanisms with break ups are the usuals: new hair, new clothes (if i can afford it) and generally being fabulous!
Accept every social invite as the above poster said, no excuses to sit around moping!
My last break up consisted of bout two months of keeping ridiculously busy with college/work then going out every thursday/friday/saturday! If only I could afford to keep up that kind of momentum
Nothing is worse than dwelling, although we all do it, and I admit there was many days where i popped on the ipod on my travels to work/college/party and got very contemplative and felt very down but you just have to pick yourself up and keep going.

Every cloud has a silver lining, even if you cant see it. But when someone says that to you when your down, you just think 'patronising twat' :P

As for general stress, its one of two things-
glass (or 3)of red wine, bubble bath, phone turned off and ignore the world even if that will make it worse tommorrow.
Or walk the dog with the ipod on for far too long til the poor thing is wrecked/dance classes/gym!!

m..graham

Dudess wrote: »

For me it's: keeping occupied, spending as much time as possible in the company of others - too much time alone/doing nothing causes me too think too much and go over and over things, which is soul-destroying.
Sometimes it's hard to just get on with things and do stuff, and much easier to mope around... but the easier option is what will make life harder. And vice versa.

I completely agree with this.. You go the moping route and its down hill from there.. You are better off moving on and keeping yourself occupied!

thatone!

I broke up with my boyfriend a while ago, it killed me to do it but I knew it would be for the best for both of us. I swear if it wasn't for my friends I probably would still be in my PJ's moping around. What was even worse was that as soon as I broke up with him, I just kept thinking to myself "why am I doing this, why am I breaking up with him?"
It was definetly my friends who got me through it, they made sure I got on with my life.

Ha, that last line sounds a little cheesy

Wibbs

I've I'm doing the breaking up I'm sad it hasn't worked out and figure it's best for both of us. I couldn't bear to have someone love me that I didn't love back. I also break contact at least for a time. I don't ask for friendship or any of that guff. IMHO It's selfish and not thinking of the other person. You're asking them to take second best. It also drags their healing out just to assuage my guilt or keep them around as a support? Nope not on for me.

If I've been broken up with, then yes I'm again sad it hasn't worked out and try to figure where I screwed up as it always takes two to tango. Even if she was a mentaller(and a few were). The fact I didn't spot it needs looking at as there are always signs IMHO.

In the two cases where I deeply loved them it was hard. Very hard. The first was a little easier as it was, well it was a long story, but it worked out in the end for us both. Just not together.:) Looking back, it still took me the guts of 2 years to get that out of my system. Left me quite emotionally defensive for even longer. You wouldn't notice it(most didn't) but it was there.

The second one? Well it was 10 years odd after the first and I let myself open up more with her than with anyone else in my life, even the first one. The whole extension of each other thing going on. So when that ended with her going off with another one night out of the blue* it really broke my heart I can tell you. Worse than anything else in my life in fact. It simply didn't compute for me at all.

Coping? I didn't. Simple as that. Well to the outside world yea I was OK, but emotionally empty. Life wise I did change quite a lot though. Parts of me and my life I didn't like I changed. Started new things, changed my surroundings, made more money in work etc. That defo helped.

Emotionally I reckon that last one has changed me though. I doubt I'll fall in love like that again. TBH I simply wouldn't want to and if I felt that happening I'd back off. Never again would I go through that again for anyone.


Stress wise? The really big things tend not to freak me that much, usually just the minor static of life. When it happens I just try to chill with something unconnected to the stress. I'll paint or create something, go fishing, read a book on a subject I've little interest and no knowledge on(thats a good one:))go for a walk in the mountains, or have a few pints with good mates. Helping other people if I can, helps a lot actually.



*it wasn't out of the blue of course. I just didn't spot it or it's seriousness. She had reasons. Some good too, some bad. It was how she went about it that was incredibly hurtful, disloyal and selfish.

Clare Bear

Wibbs wrote: »

Emotionally I reckon that last one has changed me though. I doubt I'll fall in love like that again. TBH I simply wouldn't want to and if I felt that happening I'd back off. Never again would I go through that again for anyone.

That's very sad that you feel that way. I completely understand it though, I felt the same way for a long time too but sometimes you have to take a chance on someone new. I'd rather experience rejection and heartache again (Even though it's by far the worst thing I've ever gone through) than to never love again and miss out on someone and something great. Like I said, I understand why you feel that way but I hope you won't always live your life like that in fear that you get hurt again.

krudler

Dont give yourself time to mope, go out, but nowhere you may bump into the ex, drink+recent breakup emotions+running into each other=disaster usually. New clothes (even as a guy this helps) , I grow a breakup beard spend as much time with mates as possible as being on your own means conversations in your head which make things seem worse, a holiday if possible is a huge help, once you get out and see a bit more of the world, and make a clean break, it may sound harsh but I get rid of EVERYTHING associated with the ex, pics get deleted, anything she bought me gets chucked no matter how expensive, dont need the reminding

Wibbs

Ahh I appreciate that Clare Bear and I'm glad it's worked out so well for ya.:) I know you've been through the mill.

Well I had ten years between big loves so that's a looooong time. I must be a bit slow:D I dunno TBH the last one just kinda burnt that bit outa me. A good mate of mine put it quite well when she said "It isn't just a figure of speech in your case, you're heart was actually broken". That sounds worse than it is:) I'm not moping or any of that. That bits kinda bust too.

I think some have a finite capacity for love. They only get one or two goes at it and after that they either pretend to it to avoid being on their own or avoid it entirely. They're rare enough and most have a bigger capacity. Some have a crazy amount and fall in love and reset the mechanism very easily. You know the type, barely out of one relationship and into the next and they love them even more etc.:rolleyes::D Hey maybe the :rolleyes: is uncalled for. I'm probably projecting there, just because that concept is so alien to me.

Hey I've a pretty good life with really good people around me and interesting stuff to do. More than so many I see around me. I don't miss that part as such. I don't seem to need it I suppose? I'm doin alright:)

Clare Bear

Sorry if that seemed like a pity post and if it sounded like a patronising "Oh my God how could you never want to love again" speech I didn't mean it that way. You're happy without it and have a lot of good things in your life, nothing wrong with that!

Ickle Magoo

I've had two long term relationships end, one by me & one by him...and several of less than 2yrs.

I tend to follow a bit of a pattern. I spend the first few days on my own crying a lot & being a bit dazed lurching between surrealism and upset, then I sign up for lots of new courses/hobbies, go out a lot with friends, book a holiday to give myself something to look forward to.

I go through stages of disbelief, upset, anger and then I get gradually more and more used to the idea of moving on & I can look back and be sentimental and fond of the relationship/person involved but better able to see I am better off without it/them.

Wibbs

Clare Bear wrote: »

Sorry if that seemed like a pity post and if it sounded like a patronising "Oh my God how could you never want to love again" speech I didn't mean it that way.

not at all. I knew you weren't saying that. As I say the vast majority reset and fall in love again and fair play to them. I'm just not one of them I suppose.

journey

When I split up with my ex it took every single ounce of willpower in my body to stop myself going back. I just needed to keep myself busy. I didn't want to go out and get pissed because I'm a divil for drunken dialling, so I went out and bought myself a Nintendo DS and a few addictive games (Professor Layton and the like) and didn't allow myself to have any moping time. It worked for the most part as well

Cookie Jar

loveandlive wrote: »

but things can only get better right?

I sure hope so:)

loveandlive

thanks... as a wise girl Eve once said to me.. feel the love from Family and friends! sad.. but true.

If the person is worth it.. they would have never have made you cry in the first place

God im getting well into this..

it all started with me giving my point of view and its worked out with me getting it off my chest now.. feels good

Cookie Jar

loveandlive wrote: »

thanks... as a wise girl Eve once said to me.. feel the love from Family and friends! sad.. but true.

If the person is worth it.. they would have never have made you cry in the first place

God im getting well into this..

it all started with me giving my point of view and its worked out with me getting it off my chest now.. feels good

Yeah its nice to get it off your chest sometimes.:)

Fago!

I never had a GF so I wouldn't know, but my advice would be to, keep yer head up, look forward, and know that there is ALWAY more fish in the sea.

If someone loved you once, you know you're worth loving and someone will again. *





*

I love you

loveandlive

good point Fago..
my advise.. stay single as long as you can
very true - there is always more fish in the sea.. although.. theres a bit of a draught at the moment

I think that thats the quote of the day " someone loved you once, you know you're worth loving and someone will again" ill be using that in the future when helping out my friends with their various breakups..

Fago_25 wrote: »

I never had a GF so I wouldn't know, but my advice would be to, keep yer head up, look forward, and know that there is ALWAY more fish in the sea.

If someone loved you once, you know you're worth loving and someone will again. *





*

I love you