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my parents cant accept im gay!

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    #32
    Boston
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭Boston


    The thread title isn't "My parents won't allow me to shack up with my boyfriend", So the suggestion to move out solves nothing. His parents accepting him for who he is, is the problem. That wont change if he moved into rented accommodation down the road. I think the word callous is perfect, it means to be uncaring and indifferent towards the suffering/hardship of others. Bang on description of this family situation.


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    #33
    schumacher
    Closed Accounts Posts: 196 ✭✭schumacher


    OP i dont think there is much you can do. You just have to accept that your parents cannot accept you being gay. Its hard on your parents too. I think you should have a honest discussion with your parents any maybe an agreement could be reached where they wouldn`t air their worries about the neighbours finding out you are gay in front of you and you wouldnt mention anything either.

    That way ye could live happily together. As for it being unfair the way your parents deal with the situation Im sure your parents feel the same way about you being gay. Sorry if that sounds harsh.


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    #34
    shoegirl
    Registered Users Posts: 2,018 ✭✭✭shoegirl


    MicraBoy wrote: »
    Don't hide the fact you are gay, or don''t let it influence the way you live your life. If you have a bf, tell your parents, bring him up in conversation the any straight person would. Introduce them to them eventually, have him around etc. I think you need to let the seed grow in your parents mind, as they have probably set this to one side for the last number of years.

    Oh I dunno about that. From my own pretty experience I realise now that trying to introduce girlfriends, or talk about stuff only provoked the situation and renewed the conflict over my sexuality. In all honesty, I don't feel sorry for your parents either - if they have chosen not to accept you as you are then they are the losers in the situation right now. There is a huge amount of denial goes into pretending its "for the best" etc but nothing much you can do about it.

    The bottom line is that you cannot force your parents to accept you, and in some cases trying to do so would only make a situation much worse. In my own experience, an attempt by a well intentioned partner to "explain" things to my parents without my consent ended up with a 6 month rift between my mother, a situation where she refused to talk to me, hung up on me on the phone, walked past me on the street like a total stranger. Its only ended because I got sick of it all and left the country, and apparently my mother cried for about 2 months, but then my whole family then blamed me for being so "mean."

    If you want to risk THAT, well yes, go ahead and force talk about your boyfriends and friends to them, but in all honesty, its eggshells right now and I'd really try to let things sink in for a while and see how they feel further down the line. Otherwise you're just forcing your feelings down their throats in the same way that they are currently forcing theirs down yours. I would suggest just live as you are, don't pretend, but don't force either. Keep that fine line until there are some signs of acceptance, and then take things very carefully and slowly, one step at a time.

    Whats hilarious is that everybody in my life, including my siblings and other relations are well acquainted with my sexuality and have no issues with it. Its ONLY my parents who have this notion in their heads that somehow it hurts them in some way.


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    #35
    shoegirl
    Registered Users Posts: 2,018 ✭✭✭shoegirl


    Boston wrote: »
    The thread title isn't "My parents won't allow me to shack up with my boyfriend", So the suggestion to move out solves nothing. His parents accepting him for who he is, is the problem. That wont change if he moved into rented accommodation down the road. I think the word callous is perfect, it means to be uncaring and indifferent towards the suffering/hardship of others. Bang on description of this family situation.

    Actually the best thing I ever did was to move far enough away from my parents that they couldn't just turn up on spec and find themselves in a situation they didn't like. Its not actually a bad idea to move far away enough so that it isn't in their face and you can have a relationship without ending up with unresolveable conflicts. Besides if you do live in a rural area it might make it easier to meet people. You can always come back closer if and when things calm down.

    Things DO get better, I promise you, but it doesn't mean they are going to turn around and accept you. If that doesn't happen then eventually you just find ways to live with it.


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