AH: I need your help.

liah

I need some creative ideas. Bad.

So, AH, I'm asking for the assistance of your insane brilliant minds to get me out of my (many) predicaments. My two missions are these:

Mission 1: Tralee to Mullingar on €0.
I have literally no money. Not a single dime to my name. I can't afford a bus, train, flight-- nothing. This isn't an exaggeration. I have nothing.

I'm stuck in Tralee and I need to get home to Mullingar. I need to hatch an elaborate plan to do so, considering the whole lack of dosh thing makes it that much more difficult.

Mission 2: Find a way to make money without using the dole, with no experience.
I'm not Irish or part of the EU so I cannot use any state benefits. Which I'm fine with.. But I need money, because I can't actually afford to eat at the moment, and that's just not cool.

Also, I have no mainstream work experience, only work with horses which I've been doing all my life back in Canada (get your minds out of the gutter this instant!). I could easily do secretary work or tech support or anything to do with computers (have done smalltime web design/graphic design in the past, but I haven't my own computer at the moment and thus none of my required programs, so that's out) and typing, but I have no experience or qualifications and in Mullingar, you kind of need to know the right people to get a job, especially now. This leaves me stranded.

I'm thinking either drug dealing or prostitution, but I'm open to other options.

Whoever comes up with the most creative solution to my currently infuriating troubles gets my love. And a cookie. Maybe.

(*note: seriousness of my situation is kind of greatly under-exaggerated, legitimate advice is definitely accepted over PM as I am kind of totally screwed. want this thread to stay light-hearted though, as I need a mood boost.)

wudangclan

mission 1: hitchhike from tralee to mullingar.easy.
mission 2: offer 'services' to the driver on the way.

two birds with one stone.

TheZohanS

How have you been surviving in Ireland this long without money?

Will

Hitch hike yeah but be careful.

There are jobs around that may give you cash in hand, maybe baby sitting, au pair, some bar work too. Some colleges and schools look for people to pose for life drawing, think that may be cash in hand also, but depends.

Could do the age old thing of asking the parentals or a mate for a lend of cash??

CreepingDeath

liah wrote: »

I have no mainstream work experience, only work with horses

Horses.... there's your answer for transport to Mullingar.
Also, assuming you're not a vegetarian, your answer for food when you get there.

liah

TheZohan wrote: »

How have you been surviving in Ireland this long without money?

I don't actually know. I just.. manage. I end up finding money, doing random one or two-day jobs, or randomly coming into money (an inheritance has lasted me the last few months).. but it seems my luck has run out.

Will wrote: »

Hitch hike yeah but be careful.

There are jobs around that may give you cash in hand, maybe baby sitting, au pair, some bar work too. Some colleges and schools look for people to pose for life drawing, think that may be cash in hand also, but depends.

Could do the age old thing of asking the parentals or a mate for a lend of cash??

Asking parents or any relatives is not an option, as my father has been out of the picture since I was tiny and my mother is barely able to feed herself and our dogs, nevermind take care of a long-distance hopeless case.
I don't really have any other relatives, so I'm on my own for this one.

I've searched for all kinds of cash in hand jobs but in every one you kind of need someone to put a word in, it's stupidly political that way so I'm not entirely sure what I can do to fix that.

CreepingDeath wrote: »

Horses.... there's your answer for transport to Mullingar.
Also, assuming you're not a vegetarian, your answer for food when you get there.

Are there not a few horsey jobs up for grabs here ?

Mullingar equestrian centre

Hmm, stealing horses would definitely make my situation better. At least it'd make me happy.. not too sure the owners would be pleased though!

There's not any horsey jobs going that I've been able to find within walking distance of town center. I haven't a car or transport, since I have no money I can't cab it or anything nor do I know anyone for a carpool.. also, it's not a career I'm eager to get back into, at least not in Ireland.

javaboy

Definitely put yourself out to stud. That or start replying to emails from deposed Nigerian princes.

Loopy

Prostitution Darling really seems to be your only option.
Its not so bad

wudangclan

liah wrote: »

I don't actually know. I just.. manage. I end up finding money, doing random one or two-day jobs, or randomly coming into money (an inheritance has lasted me the last few months).. but it seems my luck has run out.



Asking parents or any relatives is not an option, as my father has been out of the picture since I was tiny and my mother is barely able to feed herself and our dogs, nevermind take care of a long-distance hopeless case.
I don't really have any other relatives, so I'm on my own for this one.

I've searched for all kinds of cash in hand jobs but in every one you kind of need someone to put a word in, it's stupidly political that way so I'm not entirely sure what I can do to fix that.



Hmm, stealing horses would definitely make my situation better. At least it'd make me happy.. not too sure the owners would be pleased though!

There's not any horsey jobs going that I've been able to find within walking distance of town center. I haven't a car or transport, since I have no money I can't cab it or anything nor do I know anyone for a carpool.. also, it's not a career I'm eager to get back into, at least not in Ireland.

the answer is staring you straight in the face.

SV

From: CARLOW

To: MULLINGAR

Via: TRALEE

Total Distance: 321.2 mile(s) (516.92km), about: 8 hour(s) 33 minute(s)



and there was me about to offer to drive you myself!

TheZohanS

Get your boyfriends parents to buy you a train ticket online, you can pick it up at the train station.

liah

TheZohan wrote: »

Get your boyfriends parents to buy you a train ticket online, you can pick it up at the train station.

That'd work if I had a boyfriend

TPD

Do you have a place to stay in Tralee? Do you need out tonight or are you just looking for an idea for when you need to move on?

Hitching isn't too hard in this country. Well, the only time I've tried I was picked up in about 30 minutes. With the whole 'attractive female' thing going on I'd say youd have better luck :P

robbie_998

hitch hike

embassy might help out, who knows.

also you have no money, not at home or anything but your on boards.ie ???

we want answers dammit !

4zn76tysfajdxp

liah wrote: »

That'd work if I had a boyfriend

Get a boyfriend in Tralee, FAST! You're a pretty girl, use your feminine wiles for god's sake.

Long Onion

Sell people the secret of your free internet connection and you'll be fine.

Dardania

The hitch hiking idea sounds like the best, although it may be a little roundabout way by the time you get there...

once do do get there, try taking ANY paid job offered - bar work, shop work..then once you've got over this shock - what do you really want to work at?

liah

The Perfect Drug wrote: »

Do you have a place to stay in Tralee? Do you need out tonight or are you just looking for an idea for when you need to move on?

Hitching isn't too hard in this country. Well, the only time I've tried I was picked up in about 30 minutes. With the whole 'attractive female' thing going on I'd say youd have better luck :P

I have a place to kip for one or two nights more here in Tralee but my home's in Mullingar, and living here is kind of.. awkward, to say the least, due to circumstances that I'll get to when I answer Joziah Deafening Guano's quote.

robbie_998 wrote: »

hitch hike

embassy might help out, who knows.

also you have no money, not at home or anything but your on boards.ie ???

we want answers dammit !

Was in Tralee visiting. Need to go back home now.
Oh, and embassy's kind of useless considering a) I can't afford to get to it and b) even if I could, the opening hours aren't wide enough for me to actually get to Dublin, find the place, and sort things out. Tried this already.

Joziah Deafening Guano wrote: »

Get a boyfriend in Tralee, FAST! You're a pretty girl, use your feminine wiles for god's sake.

I had a boyfriend in Tralee, that's what got me into this mess in the first place! Damn men.

North_West_Art

ok, get yourself to a lorry stop, or a garage that heavy goods vehicles stop at. See if you can get a ride to somewhere in the Mullingar direction. Have you an Irish bank account?

biko

I'll give you 50 to valet my car.
In a bikini we're talking 100

If you can make it to Galway Citylink is offering bus trip to Dubsville for €1! Mullingar is one the way

DonJose

Joziah Deafening Guano wrote: »

Get a boyfriend in Tralee, FAST! You're a pretty girl, use your feminine wiles gee for god's sake.

Fixed your post!

liah

North_West_Art wrote: »

ok, get yourself to a lorry stop, or a garage that heavy goods vehicles stop at. See if you can get a ride to somewhere in the Mullingar direction. Have you an Irish bank account?

Nope

Magnus wrote: »

I'll give you 50 to valet my car.
In a bikini we're talking 100

Deal, as long as I'm not held liable for the inevitable crashing of the car considering I don't actually know how to drive one. Other'n that, count me in!

javaboy

Get a job as a courier and then have someone you know in Mullingar order a new T-437 Command Console from Tralee and BINGO!

Alternatively you could check out the market for bonded labour these days. But that'll probably lead back to the prostitution thing again.


EDIT: Or agree to valet Magnus' car and drive to Mullingar. You'll figure it out as you go.

4zn76tysfajdxp

liah wrote: »

I had a boyfriend in Tralee, that's what got me into this mess in the first place! Damn men.

Can you sing? Borrow a big wooden box to use as a percussion instrument and busk until it gets dark. That should earn ya the necessary €25 to pay for a ticket to Mullingar.

SV

How much is the train ticket from tralee to mullingar?

robbie_998

we want answers, how are you on the internet !!!!!

you claim to have €0.00

internet cost money,

Splinter

shag the ex's brother, new boyfriend sorted and the old one will gladly buy you your trainticket to get you away from him

Kiera

TheZohan wrote: »

Get your boyfriends parents to buy you a train ticket online, you can pick it up at the train station.

Slick

Try Mullingar horsey place or midland jobs .

Or you could put up ads in the local shops for child minding. I know there's a nursing home down there too which you could apply to. You dont need qualifications to be a care assistant.

Dardania

Open a student bank account that comes with an overdraft?

liah

Joziah Deafening Guano wrote: »

Can you sing? Borrow a big wooden box to use as a percussion instrument and busk until it gets dark. That should earn ya the necessary €25 to pay for a ticket to Mullingar.

They'd more likely pay me to shut up if I tried that!

SV wrote: »

How much is the train ticket from tralee to mullingar?

Somewhere in the ballpark of 30-50 euro I think. I'd have to google it. It doesn't actually say (that I can find) on the irishrail site.

robbie_998 wrote: »

we want answers, how are you on the internet !!!!!

you claim to have €0.00

internet cost money,

Because it belongs to the person I was visiting who's paying for it..?

TheCardHolder

Can your ex not drive you up?

robbie_998

liah wrote: »

Because it belongs to the person I was visiting who's paying for it..?

ask them for a train/bus ticket

javaboy

Have your tried turning your life off and on again?

Tar.Aldarion

Um I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be asking an ex for that! uhh.


Anyway, you really needed a thread for us to say sex?
otw to tralee.

Splinter

some people dont read... she cant ask them, i presume its a case of getting out of there asap with any means possible... ask boards admins if they need a shoeshinner? sell yourself to AH mods? the embassey idea is a good one though, have you tried speaking with them?

Loopy

How long were you seeing this guy?
Surely he's not going to leave you stranded and penniless in Tralee??

TheCardHolder

On a lot of those train stations it's remarkably easy to just jump on the train no questions asked.

Ro: maaan!

Go to the train station. Wait for the train to come in that will be leaving for Mullingar. After everyone gets off, go up to the gate and say you just came in on it and left something on the train, and ask if you can go back onto the train to get it. Then hide in the toilet until it leaves. If you could nab an orange hi-vis vest even better.

robbie_998

Splinter wrote: »

some people dont read... she cant ask them, i presume its a case of getting out of there asap with any means possible... ask boards admins if they need a shoeshinner? sell yourself to AH mods? the embassey idea is a good one though, have you tried speaking with them?

yay he liked my idea

i must agree with what others are saying at the train station, just hop on a train, nobody will ask cos about half way through the journey a ticket inspector "might" get on but just get off again or go in the toilet

liah

Loopy wrote: »

How long were you seeing this guy?
Surely he's not going to leave you stranded and penniless in Tralee??

A few months, though we were living together for all but 2 weeks of that.. can't continue the relationship though as he's in college here and it's too much of a strain to be visiting back and forth, etc. So it was a mutual decision to end it.

Point is, it's peaceable so he'll put me up til I can figure out how to get home, but it's still awkward, you know? Rather not be in the situation, frankly!

AnonoBoy

Sell all non essential clothes (i.e. everything except underwear) for money to buy food to eat.

Then stand on roadside in underwear with a sign that says "Mullingar or Bust!" and I bet you'll get picked up pretty quickly.

TheCardHolder

How did you get down to tralee in the first place?

Kiera

liah wrote: »

A few months, though we were living together for all but 2 weeks of that.. can't continue the relationship though as he's in college here and it's too much of a strain to be visiting back and forth, etc. So it was a mutual decision to end it.

Point is, it's peaceable so he'll put me up til I can figure out how to get home, but it's still awkward, you know? Rather not be in the situation, frankly!

And he wont buy you a ticket because?

Splinter

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Sell all non essential clothes (i.e. everything except underwear) for money to buy food to eat.

Then stand on roadside in underwear with a sign that says "Mullingar or Bust!" and I bet you'll get picked up pretty quickly.

hang on...sell all but underwear and have a sign that says "Mullingar for Bust" may have better results

javaboy

Sounds like a pretty amicable break up. Can/will he not lend you the money?

Practice your Irish accent and pop into all the local political party offices. Tell them you're voting whichever way they want but tell them your polling station is in Mullingar and you're X amount short for the ticket. If you pull the same stunt enough times you should scrape together the money.

Or if this hasn't already been mentioned, prostitution.

robbie_998

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Sell all non essential clothes (i.e. everything except underwear) for money to buy food to eat.

Then stand on roadside in underwear with a sign that says "Mullingar or Bust!" and I bet you'll get picked up pretty quickly.

how about, will drop pants for food, etc.

TPD

Kiera wrote: »

And he wont buy you a ticket because?

+1, ask the ex, pay him back some other time.

javaboy

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Sell all non essential clothes (i.e. everything except underwear) for money to buy food to eat.

She'd get more money for the underwear tbh. And it's not like people will notice unless they're looking very closely.

Splinter

hmm, a wild thought here... one last sex session with the ex and rob his wallet while he sleeps afterwards?

liah

TheCardHolder wrote: »

How did you get down to tralee in the first place?

He paid my ticket.

Kiera wrote: »

And he wont buy you a ticket because?

He's a college student and he already has paid enough to keep me for the last week and a half. It's not fair on him and he really can't afford it, transport is expensive in this country.

robbie_998

liah wrote: »

He paid my ticket.



He's a college student and he already has paid enough to keep me for the last week and a half. It's not fair on him and he really can't afford it, transport is expensive in this country.

surely it would be cheaper on his behalf to buy you a train ticked rather than feed you and so on for more days ?