AH: I need your help.

liah · 01-10-2009 2:12pm #1

I need some creative ideas. Bad.

So, AH, I'm asking for the assistance of your insane brilliant minds to get me out of my (many) predicaments. My two missions are these:

Mission 1: Tralee to Mullingar on €0.
I have literally no money. Not a single dime to my name. I can't afford a bus, train, flight-- nothing. This isn't an exaggeration. I have nothing.

I'm stuck in Tralee and I need to get home to Mullingar. I need to hatch an elaborate plan to do so, considering the whole lack of dosh thing makes it that much more difficult.

Mission 2: Find a way to make money without using the dole, with no experience.
I'm not Irish or part of the EU so I cannot use any state benefits. Which I'm fine with.. But I need money, because I can't actually afford to eat at the moment, and that's just not cool.

Also, I have no mainstream work experience, only work with horses which I've been doing all my life back in Canada (get your minds out of the gutter this instant!). I could easily do secretary work or tech support or anything to do with computers (have done smalltime web design/graphic design in the past, but I haven't my own computer at the moment and thus none of my required programs, so that's out) and typing, but I have no experience or qualifications and in Mullingar, you kind of need to know the right people to get a job, especially now. This leaves me stranded.

I'm thinking either drug dealing or prostitution, but I'm open to other options.

Whoever comes up with the most creative solution to my currently infuriating troubles gets my love. And a cookie. Maybe.

(*note: seriousness of my situation is kind of greatly under-exaggerated, legitimate advice is definitely accepted over PM as I am kind of totally screwed.

want this thread to stay light-hearted though, as I need a mood boost.)

wudangclan · 01-10-2009 2:16pm

mission 1: hitchhike from tralee to mullingar.easy.
mission 2: offer 'services' to the driver on the way.

two birds with one stone.

TheZohanS · 01-10-2009 2:18pm

How have you been surviving in Ireland this long without money?

Will · 01-10-2009 2:19pm

Hitch hike yeah but be careful.

There are jobs around that may give you cash in hand, maybe baby sitting, au pair, some bar work too. Some colleges and schools look for people to pose for life drawing, think that may be cash in hand also, but depends.

Could do the age old thing of asking the parentals or a mate for a lend of cash??

CreepingDeath · 01-10-2009 2:21pm

liah wrote: »

I have no mainstream work experience, only work with horses

Horses.... there's your answer for transport to Mullingar.
Also, assuming you're not a vegetarian, your answer for food when you get there.

liah · 01-10-2009 2:23pm

TheZohan wrote: »

How have you been surviving in Ireland this long without money?

I don't actually know. I just.. manage. I end up finding money, doing random one or two-day jobs, or randomly coming into money (an inheritance has lasted me the last few months).. but it seems my luck has run out.

Will wrote: »

Hitch hike yeah but be careful.

There are jobs around that may give you cash in hand, maybe baby sitting, au pair, some bar work too. Some colleges and schools look for people to pose for life drawing, think that may be cash in hand also, but depends.

Could do the age old thing of asking the parentals or a mate for a lend of cash??

Asking parents or any relatives is not an option, as my father has been out of the picture since I was tiny and my mother is barely able to feed herself and our dogs, nevermind take care of a long-distance hopeless case.
I don't really have any other relatives, so I'm on my own for this one.

I've searched for all kinds of cash in hand jobs but in every one you kind of need someone to put a word in, it's stupidly political that way so I'm not entirely sure what I can do to fix that.

CreepingDeath wrote: »

Horses.... there's your answer for transport to Mullingar.
Also, assuming you're not a vegetarian, your answer for food when you get there.

Are there not a few horsey jobs up for grabs here ?

Mullingar equestrian centre

Hmm, stealing horses would definitely make my situation better.

At least it'd make me happy.. not too sure the owners would be pleased though!

There's not any horsey jobs going that I've been able to find within walking distance of town center. I haven't a car or transport, since I have no money I can't cab it or anything nor do I know anyone for a carpool.. also, it's not a career I'm eager to get back into, at least not in Ireland.

javaboy · 01-10-2009 2:25pm

Definitely put yourself out to stud. That or start replying to emails from deposed Nigerian princes.

Loopy · 01-10-2009 2:26pm

Prostitution Darling really seems to be your only option.
Its not so bad

wudangclan · 01-10-2009 2:26pm

liah wrote: »

I don't actually know. I just.. manage. I end up finding money, doing random one or two-day jobs, or randomly coming into money (an inheritance has lasted me the last few months).. but it seems my luck has run out.

Asking parents or any relatives is not an option, as my father has been out of the picture since I was tiny and my mother is barely able to feed herself and our dogs, nevermind take care of a long-distance hopeless case.
I don't really have any other relatives, so I'm on my own for this one.

I've searched for all kinds of cash in hand jobs but in every one you kind of need someone to put a word in, it's stupidly political that way so I'm not entirely sure what I can do to fix that.

Hmm, stealing horses would definitely make my situation better. At least it'd make me happy.. not too sure the owners would be pleased though!

There's not any horsey jobs going that I've been able to find within walking distance of town center. I haven't a car or transport, since I have no money I can't cab it or anything nor do I know anyone for a carpool.. also, it's not a career I'm eager to get back into, at least not in Ireland.

the answer is staring you straight in the face.

SV · 01-10-2009 2:27pm

From: CARLOW

To: MULLINGAR

Via: TRALEE

Total Distance: 321.2 mile(s) (516.92km), about: 8 hour(s) 33 minute(s)

and there was me about to offer to drive you myself!

TheZohanS · 01-10-2009 2:28pm

Get your boyfriends parents to buy you a train ticket online, you can pick it up at the train station.

liah · 01-10-2009 2:30pm

TheZohan wrote: »

Get your boyfriends parents to buy you a train ticket online, you can pick it up at the train station.

That'd work if I had a boyfriend

TPD · 01-10-2009 2:32pm

Do you have a place to stay in Tralee? Do you need out tonight or are you just looking for an idea for when you need to move on?

Hitching isn't too hard in this country. Well, the only time I've tried I was picked up in about 30 minutes. With the whole 'attractive female' thing going on I'd say youd have better luck :P

robbie_998 · 01-10-2009 2:32pm

hitch hike

embassy might help out, who knows.

also you have no money, not at home or anything but your on boards.ie ???

we want answers dammit !

4zn76tysfajdxp · 01-10-2009 2:32pm

liah wrote: »

That'd work if I had a boyfriend

Get a boyfriend in Tralee, FAST! You're a pretty girl, use your feminine wiles for god's sake.

Long Onion · 01-10-2009 2:34pm

Sell people the secret of your free internet connection and you'll be fine.

Dardania · 01-10-2009 2:34pm

The hitch hiking idea sounds like the best, although it may be a little roundabout way by the time you get there...

once do do get there, try taking ANY paid job offered - bar work, shop work..then once you've got over this shock - what do you really want to work at?

liah · 01-10-2009 2:34pm

The Perfect Drug wrote: »

Do you have a place to stay in Tralee? Do you need out tonight or are you just looking for an idea for when you need to move on?

Hitching isn't too hard in this country. Well, the only time I've tried I was picked up in about 30 minutes. With the whole 'attractive female' thing going on I'd say youd have better luck :P

I have a place to kip for one or two nights more here in Tralee but my home's in Mullingar, and living here is kind of.. awkward, to say the least, due to circumstances that I'll get to when I answer Joziah Deafening Guano's quote.

robbie_998 wrote: »

hitch hike

embassy might help out, who knows.

also you have no money, not at home or anything but your on boards.ie ???

we want answers dammit !

Was in Tralee visiting. Need to go back home now.

Oh, and embassy's kind of useless considering a) I can't afford to get to it and b) even if I could, the opening hours aren't wide enough for me to actually get to Dublin, find the place, and sort things out. Tried this already.

Joziah Deafening Guano wrote: »

Get a boyfriend in Tralee, FAST! You're a pretty girl, use your feminine wiles for god's sake.

I had a boyfriend in Tralee, that's what got me into this mess in the first place! Damn men.

North_West_Art · 01-10-2009 2:35pm

ok, get yourself to a lorry stop, or a garage that heavy goods vehicles stop at. See if you can get a ride to somewhere in the Mullingar direction. Have you an Irish bank account?

biko · 01-10-2009 2:36pm

I'll give you 50 to valet my car.
In a bikini we're talking 100

If you can make it to Galway Citylink is offering bus trip to Dubsville for €1! Mullingar is one the way

DonJose · 01-10-2009 2:37pm

Joziah Deafening Guano wrote: »

Get a boyfriend in Tralee, FAST! You're a pretty girl, use your feminine wiles gee for god's sake.

Fixed your post!

liah · 01-10-2009 2:37pm

North_West_Art wrote: »

ok, get yourself to a lorry stop, or a garage that heavy goods vehicles stop at. See if you can get a ride to somewhere in the Mullingar direction. Have you an Irish bank account?

Nope

Magnus wrote: »

I'll give you 50 to valet my car.
In a bikini we're talking 100

Deal, as long as I'm not held liable for the inevitable crashing of the car considering I don't actually know how to drive one. Other'n that, count me in!

javaboy · 01-10-2009 2:38pm

Get a job as a courier and then have someone you know in Mullingar order a new T-437 Command Console from Tralee and BINGO!

Alternatively you could check out the market for bonded labour these days. But that'll probably lead back to the prostitution thing again.

EDIT: Or agree to valet Magnus' car and drive to Mullingar. You'll figure it out as you go.

4zn76tysfajdxp · 01-10-2009 2:40pm

liah wrote: »

I had a boyfriend in Tralee, that's what got me into this mess in the first place! Damn men.

Can you sing? Borrow a big wooden box to use as a percussion instrument and busk until it gets dark. That should earn ya the necessary €25 to pay for a ticket to Mullingar.

SV · 01-10-2009 2:40pm

How much is the train ticket from tralee to mullingar?

robbie_998 · 01-10-2009 2:40pm

we want answers, how are you on the internet !!!!!

you claim to have €0.00

internet cost money,

Splinter · 01-10-2009 2:41pm

shag the ex's brother, new boyfriend sorted and the old one will gladly buy you your trainticket to get you away from him

Kiera · 01-10-2009 2:42pm

TheZohan wrote: »

Get your boyfriends parents to buy you a train ticket online, you can pick it up at the train station.

Slick

Try Mullingar horsey place or midland jobs .

Or you could put up ads in the local shops for child minding. I know there's a nursing home down there too which you could apply to. You dont need qualifications to be a care assistant.

Dardania · 01-10-2009 2:43pm

Open a student bank account that comes with an overdraft?

liah · 01-10-2009 2:45pm

Joziah Deafening Guano wrote: »

Can you sing? Borrow a big wooden box to use as a percussion instrument and busk until it gets dark. That should earn ya the necessary €25 to pay for a ticket to Mullingar.

They'd more likely pay me to shut up if I tried that!

SV wrote: »

How much is the train ticket from tralee to mullingar?

Somewhere in the ballpark of 30-50 euro I think. I'd have to google it. It doesn't actually say (that I can find) on the irishrail site.

robbie_998 wrote: »

we want answers, how are you on the internet !!!!!

you claim to have €0.00

internet cost money,

Because it belongs to the person I was visiting who's paying for it..?

TheCardHolder · 01-10-2009 2:45pm

Can your ex not drive you up?

AH: I need your help.

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