Is it necessary for a man to be present at his childs birth?

Pighead · 10-09-2009 3:15pm #1

Was in the drawing room sipping brandy with some friends the other night when the subject of childbirth came up. Alice was banging on about how wonderful an occasion it was and how every man should be with their wife as she's about to pop, so they can experience the true miracle of life and to give their loved one encouragement and support.

Pighead told Alice he had no great desire to be in the delivery room and would probably wait outside and watch a bit of telly or have a snooze on a trolley. She was disgusted and called Pighead an inconsiderate oaf and questioned his abilities as a husband/boyfriend/father. Had her escorted off the premises before retiring to the thinking room to have a think about what had just transpired.

What purpose does attending the birth of your child achieve? The mother of your baby is in pain and you can do absolutely nothing about it except stand there and weakly say something like "Don't worry honey, it'll all be worth it". Ok for some men it's nice to see their newborns first breath in this crazy world but surely it's not a necessity.

It's far more important for the mother of the child to be in the delivery room!

Do you plan on being their to see your baby's first gasps of air upon being released into the world?

chin_grin · 10-09-2009 3:17pm

He was there at the beginning wasn't he? Should be there.

Besides you get your techie fix (video cam) and yer blood fix (the other bits!) in one sitting. Or standing and yelling.

tunney · 10-09-2009 3:19pm

Pighead wrote: »

Was in the drawing room sipping brandy with some friends the other night when the subject of childbirth came up. Alice was banging on about how wonderful an occasion it was and how every man should be with their wife as she's about to pop, so they can experience the true miracle of life and to give their loved one encouragement and support.

Pighead told Alice he had no great desire to be in the delivery room and would probably wait outside and watch a bit of telly or have a snooze on a trolley. She was disgusted and called Pighead an inconsiderate oaf and questioned his abilities as a husband/boyfriend/father. Had her escorted off the premises before retiring to the thinking room to have a think about what had just transpired.

What purpose does attending the birth of your child achieve? The mother of your baby is in pain and you can do absolutely nothing about it except stand there and weakly say something like "Don't worry honey, it'll all be worth it". Ok for some men it's nice to see their newborns first breath in this crazy world but surely it's not a necessity.

It's far more important for the mother of the child to be in the delivery room!

Do you plan on being their to see your baby's first gasps of air upon being released into the world?

A well timed "HTFU" might go down well

10-09-2009 3:20pm

Maybe. Depends what's on telly that day.

I was talking to a couple of gynecologists recently.
This topic came up. Neither would think that it is a good idea for the man to be present.
Something about horror, psychological damage and romance.

pikachucheeks · 10-09-2009 3:22pm

You got her up the duff, so you should be there to understand her pain, when she's forcing it out of her.

chin_grin · 10-09-2009 3:23pm

Suppose if you were there and you did video tape it you could then edit the video so it looks like an alien is bursting through. Or the lil un is coming out of a cake. Or stuck in a pipe. The options are endless! Of course when the kid is 18 you have to show it to him, on a projector. In front of all his/her mates.

RonMexico · 10-09-2009 3:24pm

Maybe. Depends what's on telly that day.

I have been traumitized ever since seeing that alien popping out of William Hurts chest. So no.

IvyTheTerrible · 10-09-2009 3:24pm

I'd prefer my mum to be there, at least she would understand the pain!

Or if he had to be in there, he can stay away from the business end of things! :pac:

Pighead · 10-09-2009 3:25pm

Maybe. Depends what's on telly that day.

pikachucheeks wrote: »

You got her up the duff, so you should be there to understand her pain, when she's forcing it out of her.

But how can you understand the pain? It's impossible and whatsmore there's not a thing you can do about it. And when she's suffering this pain surely she's going to be feeling a lot of anger towards you and won't be particularly bothered if you hang around or not.

And so what if you got her up the duff. Doesn't mean you have to attend the birth. As long as you look after the kid that's all that really matters.

wudangclan · 10-09-2009 3:25pm

pikachucheeks wrote: »

You got her up the duff, so you should be there to understand her pain, when she's forcing it out of her.

a little ditty...
...when she's forcing it out of her, after he horsed her out of it...

Bob Z · 10-09-2009 3:27pm

No but he should be thee for the conception at least

K4t · 10-09-2009 3:27pm

Depends on the girl tbh.

Stark · 10-09-2009 3:29pm

Nope, only at conception.

I mean if a man is to continue to think of his wife in a sexy way, he does not need to see her spread eagled with his first born child being squeezed through her special area.

Rob_l · 10-09-2009 3:29pm

Moonbaby wrote: »

I was talking to a couple of gynecologists recently.
This topic came up. Neither would think that it is a good idea for the man to be present.
Something about horror, psychological damage and romance.

and that we will just be in the way we really have no useful purpose there.

pikachucheeks wrote: »

You got her up the duff, so you should be there to understand her pain, when she's forcing it out of her.

But its a natural urge women feel to want to have children surely they dont need men for this finally natural stage of the pregnancy I mean we have done our part some nine months previous to this, so naturally speaking our job is over.

pikachucheeks · 10-09-2009 3:30pm

Pighead wrote: »

But how can you understand the pain? It's impossible and whatsmore there's not a thing you can do about it. And when she's suffering this pain surely she's going to be feeling a lot of anger towards you and won't be particularly bothered if you hang around or not.

And so what if you got her up the duff. Doesn't mean you have to attend the birth. As long as you look after the kid that's all that really matters.

Pikachucheeks was merely joking with Pighead.
:rolleyes:

The woman is going through labour, which is undeniably a hard time in her life. If she wants the father of the child to be in the room, then he should honour her wishes and be there.
My point being, whether or not the father of the child is in the room depends on the mother's wishes.

Pighead · 10-09-2009 3:31pm

Maybe. Depends what's on telly that day.

K4t wrote: »

Depends on the girl tbh.

Elaborate! What do you mean it depends on the girl? Surely it depends on the man! Are you saying that the chances of you seeing your newborn being delivered depends on whether the girl allows you too or not? That's weak K4t if you don't mind Pighead saying.

Scouserfan · 10-09-2009 3:33pm

have been told that it is essential that the man is in the delivery room-if only to deliver the big mac and fries or prawn curry immediately after the other delivery:)

ejmaztec · 10-09-2009 3:33pm

The medics don't appreciate the proud father giving birth to the contents of his stomach during the procedure.:eek:

Latchy · 10-09-2009 3:33pm

No not necessary but if you dont or cant attend the birth of your child ,you'll be missing out on something very important which is amazing to be at .

Stark · 10-09-2009 3:34pm

Pighead wrote: »

Elaborate! What do you mean it depends on the girl? Surely it depends on the man! Are you saying that the chances of you seeing your newborn being delivered depends on whether the girl allows you too or not? That's weak K4t if you don't mind Pighead saying.

The reasoning process in the male brain is quite simple really. It boils down to:

Woman asks man to do something. Man asks is she hot. If answer is yes, then he does it. If answer is no, then he finds an excuse not to.

Latchy wrote:

No not necessary but if you dont or cant attend the birth of your child ,you'll be missing out on something very important which is amazing to be at .

There is nothing more special and amazing in this world than a post birth queef.

R0ot · 10-09-2009 3:37pm

No chance. Will leave it to the experts.

I'll be at the birth of mine on the 28th of February

K4t · 10-09-2009 3:37pm

Pighead wrote: »

Elaborate! What do you mean it depends on the girl? Surely it depends on the man! Are you saying that the chances of you seeing your newborn being delivered depends on whether the girl allows you too or not? That's weak K4t if you don't mind Pighead saying.

No, it depends on whether she's hot or not.

Pighead · 10-09-2009 3:38pm

Maybe. Depends what's on telly that day.

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Pikachucheeks was merely joking with Pighead.
:rolleyes:

The woman is going through labour, which is undeniably a hard time in her life. If she wants the father of the child to be in the room, then he should honour her wishes and be there.
My point being, whether or not the father of the child is in the room depends on the mother's wishes.

It could also be said that, whether or not the father is in the room depends on the fathers wishes. If the pains as bad as women make out then surely they'll be oblivious to the fact the dads not there anyway.

ejmaztec · 10-09-2009 3:39pm

Latchy wrote: »

No not necessary but if you dont or cant attend the birth of your child ,you'll be missing out on something very important which is amazing to be at .

And you also get to use the branding iron with the family crest, so that there's no baby-swap problem in years to come.

Latchy · 10-09-2009 3:40pm

Stark wrote: »

There is nothing more special and amazing in this world than a post birth queef.

Indeed , actualy I seem to recall the smell was like fresh liver

ejmaztec wrote: »

And you also get to use the branding iron with the family crest, so that there's no baby-swap problem in years to come.

Dont ya just love tecnology

Pighead · 10-09-2009 3:42pm

Maybe. Depends what's on telly that day.

Latchy wrote: »

No not necessary but if you dont or cant attend the birth of your child ,you'll be missing out on something very important which is amazing to be at .

Ah c'mon Latchy. It can't be that amazing. Basically it's a lump of flesh squeezing through a hole which is a tad on the smallish side for such an activity. Pighead remembers seeing a calf being pulled out of his mothers insides. Ok, it was something different and it was kinda comical seeing the newborn calf trying to stand up before falling over again and again but it was by no stretch "amazing".

Washout · 10-09-2009 3:42pm

I tried and failed to be present twice...both times she ws carted away from me for caesarians.

*phew*

pikachucheeks · 10-09-2009 3:43pm

Pighead wrote: »

It could also be said that, whether or not the father is in the room depends on the fathers wishes. If the pains as bad as women make out then surely they'll be oblivious to the fact the dads not there anyway.

Childbirth is a natural thing. What reason could the father have for not wanting to be there? He's witnessing the birth of his own child.

Yes, there's going to be blood and screaming, but it's nothing worse than the likes of '2 girls, 1 cup' - if you can stomach that, you can stomach anything.

It doesn't matter whether the woman's oblivious to the dad being there. If she's asked him to be there, he'll be there, to respect what she wants.

If you were lying in a hospital bed, in pain, you'd want someone you loved there to support you.

AnonoBoy · 10-09-2009 3:44pm

Pighead wrote: »

Had her escorted off the premises before retiring to the thinking room to have a think about what had just transpired.

Come on Piggie admit it - you went to the jacks for a dump, didn't you?

Latchy · 10-09-2009 3:45pm

Pighead wrote: »

Ah c'mon Latchy. It can't be that amazing. Basically it's a lump of flesh squeezing through a hole which is a tad on the smallish side for such an activity. Pighead remembers seeing a calf being pulled out of his mothers insides. Ok, it was something different and it was kinda comical seeing the newborn calf trying to stand up before falling over again and again but it was by no stretch "amazing".

For jazus sake Piggy I was in so much shock .....like a wake up call ie '' Jeezze '''this creature child before my eyes is mine '' :eek:

I thought it only happened in the movies

* latchy faints at the memory ....swoon *

SeekUp · 10-09-2009 3:45pm

pikachucheeks wrote: »

The woman is going through labour, which is undeniably a hard time in her life.

+1

F*cking right. It's hard, it's tiring, it's sometimes scary. I know that I want the person closest to me there with me during the process, holding my hand.

But, as Ivy says, I'd prefer that he stay away from the "business end" of things.

Mr. Presentable · 10-09-2009 3:47pm

Not necessarily, though it's nice if the Dad is there at conception.

Pighead · 10-09-2009 3:49pm

Maybe. Depends what's on telly that day.

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Childbirth is a natural thing. What reason could the father have for not wanting to be there? He's witnessing the birth of his own child.

He's also witnessing blood, guts and nightmarish scenes of his loved one screaming as if she's just been pricked by three thousand cocktail sticks in that delicate little area just under the toenails.

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Yes, there's going to be blood and screaming, but it's nothing worse than the likes of '2 girls, 1 cup' - if you can stomach that, you can stomach anything.

Why should Pighead have to stomach it though? Why not grab a bite to eat and come back when the mess has been cleared up?

pikachucheeks wrote: »

It doesn't matter whether the woman's oblivious to the dad being there. If she's asked him to be there, he'll be there, to respect what she wants.
If you were lying in a hospital bed, in pain, you'd want someone you loved there to support you.

Yeah but Pighead wouldn't expect them to be in teh operating theatre when he's getting himself fixed up. A visit from Miss Piggy before and after the operation would do just fine.

K4t · 10-09-2009 3:53pm

Agreed^ However, if I 'loved' the girl, I would be there throughout the whole procedure.

pikachucheeks · 10-09-2009 3:54pm

Pighead wrote: »

Why should Pighead have to stomach it though? Why not grab a bite to eat and come back when the mess has been cleared up?

Because you're the father of the woman's child. If she wants you to be in the room with her, holding her hand, supporting her, while she gives birth to YOUR child, how can you even argue against that?

If you prioritise eating above your partner's wishes, then you should really be questioning whether or not you're ready to be a father - that role requires putting someone else's needs before your own, the majority of the time.

The Big Red Button · 10-09-2009 3:56pm

I'd want him there for the labour, but not for the birth itself.

From what I hear, birth is an icky icky process - at least the professionals there would know what to expect and be used to the ickiness - whereas the father would think that I was just some kind of grotesque monster!!!!

Seriously though, men are used to seeing births on TV, where there's a little bit of delicate huffing and puffing, "Ooh my, that was a sore one", and all of a sudden a perfect pink unslimy little baby pops out smiling, and the mother's tummy immediately returns to its former washboard state. Of course there's never any messy afterbirth or anything to deal with.

I've never been through the real thing myself, but from I hear it's not quite like that, and if I was giving birth I'd want to just grit my teeth and do what had to be done without having to worry about how I look or how my partner feels or whether he will view me differently afterwards! It's nothing personal towards the father, and I know he shouldn't view me differently after - but I'd rather just have one less thing to worry about.

Agree with what pikachucheeks said though - if the mother wants him to be there, of course he should be - I just don't think it's what I'd like for myself!

Wibbs · 10-09-2009 3:56pm

Maybe. Depends what's on telly that day.

Stark wrote: »

Nope, only at conception.

I mean if a man is to continue to think of his wife in a sexy way, he does not need to see her spread eagled with his first born child being squeezed through her special area.

Have to say I'm more on this side of things. It's a pretty recent thing to have the guy there and very very few cultures have thought it a good thing. I agree with them.

I also don't like the pressure I've seen been put on fathers to be to attend. I can think of some(not all) who while loving the birth thing looked at their wives differently and not always in a good way. Now maybe they're the squeamish type or have issues surrounding seeing womens bodies more in a sexual way or whatever, but guys like that exist and more than will admit it. So I take the practical approach. If the guy is like that, I think it better he have the unfettered choice not to be there as much as the choice to be there.

It's one issue I have with some on the "liberal"(for want of a better word) side of arguments. They're all for choice so long as it coincides with the choice they would make. Like some of the sexual freedom types. The choice to have sex with whomever you fancy and no judgement(all good) is to be lauded, yet the choice not to or god forbid wait for marriage for personal reasons is a choice to be looked down upon or even considered mentally harmful.

I can think of a few of my women mates who don't want their partner there either. Sisters or mothers or female mates cool. One even suggested if she needed a male presence she's prefer me as her friend there.

Cool if you want to be there and equally cool if you don't I reckon.

Scouserfan · 10-09-2009 3:59pm

ejmaztec wrote: »

The medics don't appreciate the proud father giving birth to the contents of his stomach during the procedure.:eek:

I was refering to the loving husband pandering to his partner's dietary requirements, ie: horsing into the prawns she was off for the last 9 months (shellfish ban)

walshb · 10-09-2009 4:02pm

Most guys would just be in the way and a distraction. Leave it to the experts and when the birth is over, in you go for a peek.

kelle · 10-09-2009 4:03pm

Well, my husband was present at all mine, except I had Caesareans so he was just sitting talking to me as I endured the horrible sensation of the needle going into my back and to help me forget I was being cut open, plus he was the first to hold the babies as I couldn't until I was sewn up and back from the recovery room an hour later. That meant a lot to me!

Latchy · 10-09-2009 4:03pm

Wibbs wrote: »

Cool if you want to be there and equally cool if you don't I reckon.

Agreed and just to answer the question ,if I had being giving the choice ( I wasn't ) I might have opted out but glad I didn't and was present for both births.

I do recall that the young medical student present was from Dublin

.

liah · 10-09-2009 4:06pm

I'm pretty much with pikachucheeks on this one. Childbirth isn't a pleasant experience and if the woman wants and needs her husband's support, then he should give it to her if he's in any way committed to her and the child.

But if she doesn't want him there, that's grand too. I know I wouldn't, knowing that during pregnancy there's a large chance of defecating yourself nevermind the blood and guts bit. I wouldn't want to shít myself in front of my guy, personally. But some girls would need support, and I'd hope their man would do that for them. I mean, that's what the vows are about, right?

Pighead · 10-09-2009 4:07pm

Maybe. Depends what's on telly that day.

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Because you're the father of the woman's child. If she wants you to be in the room with her, holding her hand, supporting her, while she gives birth to YOUR child, how can you even argue against that?

If you prioritise eating above your partner's wishes, then you should really be questioning whether or not you're ready to be a father - that role requires putting someone else's needs before your own, the majority of the time.

You sound just like Alice! If you were in Pighead's house now, you too would be escorted off the premises! Listen pikachucheeks, Pighead doesn't make Miss Piggy do stuff she ain't comfortable with and that's the way it should be.

There have been plenty of times where Pighead has been on the toilet and has yearned for a conversation with the love of his life. It would be oh so easy to text her and say something like "Come on up to the jacks dollface, Piggy's in the mood for chatting" but deep deep down there's a voice inside saying "Hey Pighead put the phone away, there's a very good chance that she won't want to come up and sit beside you as you emit brown stinky material from your firmly toned anus. Why not do your business, clean yourself up and then go down for your chat?"

You see relationships are about knowing what your loved ones are comfortable with and respecting each others wishes. It has to be a two way street. If she's making Pighead come nto the delivery room well then Pighead's making her come up to the crapper for a chat.

WesternNight · 10-09-2009 4:13pm

There's no blanket "should" to this, in my opinion.

What *should* happen is whatever the couple wants to happen. If he wants to be there, and she wants him to be there, then he should be there. If neither of them want him to be there, then he shouldn't be there. If she wants him there and he doesn't want to...well, it depends on his reasons I guess but it would be nice for him to be there for the mother of his child.

He should also be thankful that he gets a bit of choice in the matter - she'll have to be there regardless!

monkeyfudge · 10-09-2009 4:17pm

Maybe. Depends what's on telly that day.

I'd say a mans place is across the road in Conway's pub... but it's closed down...

pikachucheeks · 10-09-2009 4:24pm

Wibbs wrote: »

I also don't like the pressure I've seen been put on fathers to be to attend. I can think of some(not all) who while loving the birth thing looked at their wives differently and not always in a good way. Now maybe they're the squeamish type or have issues surrounding seeing womens bodies more in a sexual way or whatever, but guys like that exist and more than will admit it.

I think it's an interesting subject. Maybe there are some men, who look at women bodies only on a sexual level but there's nothing unnatural about childbirth and a woman giving birth to a child. Women are designed to reproduce.

Surely if a man is able to accept a woman's body in a sexual way, he should also accept it in a reproductive sense? - If he wants to be the father of her children.

Obviously, if a father has witnessed the mother of his child give birth, he will look at her in a different way. Witnessing her give birth to his child will add a whole new dimension to their relationship with each other.
I think it's sad that a man could look at a woman in a negative way, having seen that. It's a natural thing and it's part of life, for many women.

Yes, it's not pretty. It's not sexy. But it's natural. It's giving birth to a human life.

Pighead wrote: »

If she's making Pighead come nto the delivery room well then Pighead's making her come up to the crapper for a chat.

Pighead, there's a very definite difference between pushing a child out of you and pushing a sh*t out of you.

10-09-2009 4:24pm

Wouldn't fancy having to watch a head burst from my fadge and would prefer if my husband didn't see it either.

Pighead · 10-09-2009 4:27pm

Maybe. Depends what's on telly that day.

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Pighead, there's a difference between pushing a child out of you and pushing a sh*t out of you. Maybe someday, you'll understand that.

Ooooh patronising! Well two can play at that game babes. Rightio here goes.

Pikachucheeks, there's a difference between being at the delivery of your child and always being there for your child. Maybe someday, you'll understand that.

10-09-2009 4:29pm

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Pighead, there's a very definite difference between pushing a child out of you and pushing a sh*t out of you.

Depends on what the kid looks like.

Wibbs · 10-09-2009 4:37pm

Maybe. Depends what's on telly that day.

pikachucheeks wrote: »

I think it's an interesting subject. Maybe there are some men, who look at women bodies only on a sexual level but there's nothing unnatural about childbirth and a woman giving birth to a child. Women are designed to reproduce.

Yep I agree, but just because it's natural doesn't mean different people will not have different reactions.

Surely if a man is able to accept a woman's body in a sexual way, he should also accept it in a reproductive sense? - If he wants to be the father of her children.

OK again, but menstruation is natural, it's part of the reproductive process and part of being a fertile woman, but few men would want to look at that and few women would want them to. That's less "messy" than birth. I'm not squeamish at all about that stuff, but I get why others would be. I know a guy, a helluva good father, who gets embarrassed buying tampons for his wife and thinks the whole thing is icky. Doesn't take away from his parenting strengths.

Obviously, if a father has witnessed the mother of his child give birth, he will look at her in a different way. Witnessing her give birth to his child will add a whole new dimension to their relationship with each other.

Or not and that's the problem. You're assuming a best case scenario. It may be a best case, but how many men would admit in public it wasn't?

I think it's sad that a man could look at a woman in a negative way, having seen that. It's a natural thing and it's part of life, for many women.

As I said a man might. Natural doesn't always equate with appealing. What I find natural and fine for me (periods and such) could have other men, good men, better men than me feeling the eeeewwgh factor. That can vary even in individuals. I mean I've helped exes with period accidents, vomiting, helped with applying ointments etc to "down below women's problems". hell I've even helped squeeze ingrowing hairs out(that was fun actually. lets play hunt the hair:D). A lot of which would have many men(and women) go eeeeuwwgrh, but I would be seriously dubious about the birth thing.

Pighead, there's a difference between pushing a child out of you and pushing a sh*t out of you. Maybe someday, you'll understand that.

Oh yes, but he's comparing one natural thing with another for effect. With some reason. They're both natural healthy bodily processes.

Dankoozy · 10-09-2009 4:40pm

Maybe. Depends what's on telly that day.

POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Is it necessary for a man to be present at his childs birth?

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