Weird Situation

xcarriex

I just want to know if its just me that seems to be in this situation,

K as this recession seems to bite harder and harder more of my friends seems to be unemployed and it sucks for them, we have all kinda re-grouped and nights in are becoming 'The Thing To Do' we have had board games twister everything and its brilliant as it costs nada and we all have a laugh,

Anywho the other week i was calling over last and brought the food ( I didnt offer i was asked could i collect and id be paid on arrival) as we always just get nibbly bits and share say we put €4 each to the food, but 2 of the ladies made faces, and i later on heard them say 'She has a bloody job whats she taking money from us for' i was horrified, i understand that there struggling, and i have often paid more for the taxi etc or ive paid for the tip in a restaurant, I confronted them about it and it was sorted i told them if i was to do that every week id wind up spending a fortune and it isnt them amount its the pricipal of it,

Is society that bad that we make each other feel guilty for been in a situation that we were in previous, im in no way rich im on a fairly average wage like! Just drove me mad!!

Anyone else feeling like this??

pikachucheeks

If you're all eating the food, then you should all chip in for it, that makes the most sense, in my mind!

Just because you have a job, doesn't mean you should have to pay for your friends.
Unless you offer to pay for something, they shouldn't assume you're paying. They shouldn't expect you to pay for it either.

Having a job might mean you have more income than your friends, but there's a recession for everyone. No one has tons of extra cash to be throwing around!

minidazzler

I'm delighted you confronted them!!!! Most people come on here and say they weren't sure what to say!!!! Good on you!!!

iguana

When you picked up the food did you pick up stuff you were specifically asked for or did you choose what to buy? €4 each for a few nibbly-bits sounds quite expensive, tbh. You may have chosen stuff that they currently can't afford. Perhaps that's what the actual problem was and it was expressed badly.

JonnyC

iguana wrote: »

When you picked up the food did you pick up stuff you were specifically asked for or did you choose what to buy? €4 each for a few nibbly-bits sounds quite expensive, tbh. You may have chosen stuff that they currently can't afford. Perhaps that's what the actual problem was and it was expressed badly.

Are you for real? 4 euro sounds expensive. You go to a friends house have a good night out and asked for 4 euro for your share of the crisps, choc cakes sound like a steal to me.

Do you shop in Ireland sounds like your still living at home with your mother who is doing all the shopping. Ask her about the price of stuff....

OP you were quiet right to get the money from them. They just plain cheap...

xcarriex

Well the order that night was from the appetiser menu from a chinese take out, consisted of Duck with pancakes, chicken wings X 2, spiring rolls X 3, chips and curry sauce, i also got some doritos and dip and minerals in the local shops, so in my eyes €4 was very fair! there was 6 of us everyone had eaten but after a glass or 2 were peckish so we had agreed we all threw in €4 and got some nibbles it would pass the hunger pangs, if my mates are stuck i have NO bother paying, but if someone buys me something no matter how cheap i always offer it back, its never the amt its always the principal!

jellie

i think in future you should maybe agree a set amount before buying things, it will avoid this kinda thing happening again.

pikachucheeks

So long as you all agreed on what was being ordered, there's certainly no reason for them to have thought it was unfair that they should have had to pay 4 euro ; their share of the bill.

It would be another story if you'd ran riot with the Chinese menu, then decided to make them pay for it

I'd say just make sure things are discussed before it comes to pay time, in the future, just to avoid any arguments afterwards!
Ie. When you're ordering, just ask if you're all splitting the bill between you, so everyone knows what the situation is!

I think it's very unfair of your friends to expect you to pay for things - or expect that they should have to not pay, because they're unemployed.
Yes, they're in unfortunate positions, but that doesn't mean you should have to bail them out and pay for their share of things.
If they can't afford to finance such things, they shouldn't be ordering them.

iguana

JonnyC wrote: »

Are you for real? 4 euro sounds expensive. You go to a friends house have a good night out and asked for 4 euro for your share of the crisps, choc cakes sound like a steal to me.

Do you shop in Ireland sounds like your still living at home with your mother who is doing all the shopping. Ask her about the price of stuff....

I'm a 30 year old woman who is realistic about money. If you are struggling to make ends meet then yes €4 for nibbles is very, very expensive. There are more and more people who have to account for every last cent in their pocket. And if you planned to spend €2 on the night out then having to spend €4 may mean the difference between being able pay the gas bill that month or not. I have plenty of friends right now who would not be able to afford that. I know when I was growing up my parents couldn't have afforded that.

iguana

xcarriex wrote: »

Well the order that night was from the appetiser menu from a chinese take out, consisted of Duck with pancakes, chicken wings X 2, spiring rolls X 3, chips and curry sauce, i also got some doritos and dip and minerals in the local shops, so in my eyes €4 was very fair! there was 6 of us everyone had eaten but after a glass or 2 were peckish so we had agreed we all threw in €4 and got some nibbles it would pass the hunger pangs, if my mates are stuck i have NO bother paying, but if someone buys me something no matter how cheap i always offer it back, its never the amt its always the principal!

So they had all agreed to you buying certain stuff before you got it and then complained when they had to stump up? That's not on. Perhaps they aren't even able to make ends meet right now and took it out on you. Not that that's an excuse, but it may have been a result of stress rather than a desire to upset you.

sunnyside

xcarriex wrote: »

Well the order that night was from the appetiser menu from a chinese take out, consisted of Duck with pancakes, chicken wings X 2, spiring rolls X 3, chips and curry sauce, i also got some doritos and dip and minerals in the local shops, so in my eyes €4 was very fair! there was 6 of us

€24 for that much food sounds very reasonable to me too.

iguana wrote: »

I'm a 30 year old woman who is realistic about money. If you are struggling to make ends meet then yes €4 for nibbles is very, very expensive. There are more and more people who have to account for every last cent in their pocket. And if you planned to spend €2 on the night out then having to spend €4 may mean the difference between being able pay the gas bill that month or not. I have plenty of friends right now who would not be able to afford that. I know when I was growing up my parents couldn't have afforded that.

Can I ask what you would have bought for €12 to feed 6 people?

I understand about money being tight. Lots of the ladies lounge regulars are students. I'm thinking of the "payday treats" thread where plenty of people were admiting to going hungry in the days before payday. I think most people on a tight budget aren't disciplined enough to work out expenses down to the last €2. It's more a case of bills, food, petrol, other purchases and when the money's gone, it's gone.

iguana

sunnyside wrote: »

Can I ask what you would have bought for €12 to feed 6 people?

It was just nibbles. €6 would buy you nibbles enough for 6.

€8 would make you a tasty casserole or pie which would be an evening meal for 6. I live in London and can easily make 6 meals for £4. So even accounting for higher prices in Ireland I could have made a full evening meal and a cake for €12.

sunnyside wrote: »

I think most people on a tight budget aren't disciplined enough to work out expenses down to the last €2. It's more a case of bills, food, petrol, other purchases and when the money's gone, it's gone.

And it's just this kind of attitude to money which has the global economy in the state that it is currently in. People need to learn how to budget properly, and at present for a lot of people they have no other choice. You can't just shrug and say "when the money's gone it's gone" when you have a mortgage, car loan, credit card bill or two, utility bills and many other expenses. A hell of a lot of people will not be able to meet their essential payments now and bankruptcy in Ireland lasts 12 years and will have a negative impact on almost every aspect of their life.

sunnyside

iguana wrote: »

€8 would make you a tasty casserole or pie which would be an evening meal for 6. I live in London and can easily make 6 meals for £4. So even accounting for higher prices in Ireland I could have made a full evening meal and a cake for €12.


People need to learn how to budget properly, and at present for a lot of people they have no other choice. You can't just shrug and say "when the money's gone it's gone" when you have a mortgage, car loan, credit card bill or two, utility bills and many other expenses.

I have all of the above bills and pay them on my own. I budget for the above. This week I have €170 left, (less than an unemployed person gets) and that's more than i've had for the last few weeks. Last week there was €90 left after bills. I don't budget this money down to the last €2. This week I need to get my hair done so I'll do that. I'll buy food and petrol. I don't know precisely how much I'll spend in the supermarket but when I go to Tesco on Tuesday next week I'll probably be down to €10.

I just think it's difficult to plan precisely how much you will spend, unexpected things happen, like if you run in to a friend and they invite you for a coffee, or the scenario described by the OP.

Back on topic the €12 casserole and cake sounds lovely and is excellent value but also takes hours to prepare and advance planning. They wanted snacks, something fast and sometimes no matter how good home cooking is there's something much more satisfying about take-away.

Ghost Train

Bit mean of your friends to have that attitude, if its something you've done before they should know the cost is split fairly between the six of you

iguana

sunnyside wrote: »

I have all of the above bills and pay them on my own. I budget for the above. This week I have €170 left, (less than an unemployed person gets) and that's more than i've had for the last few weeks. Last week there was €90 left after bills. I don't budget this money down to the last €2. This week I need to get my hair done so I'll do that. I'll buy food and petrol. I don't know precisely how much I'll spend in the supermarket but when I go to Tesco on Tuesday next week I'll probably be down to €10.

That's fine as long as you can afford it, but a lot of people just don't have that kind of cash anymore. If you lost your job how much would you have left after your bills are paid. A lot of people are realising that they have nothing left after their bills are paid and are having to drop their cable/broadband/mobile, sell their car or other stuff in order to make ends meet. Once people are in that situation they do need to know what they are spending down to the last cent.

When I was growing up my parents were like that, every single penny was accounted for. £2 a week was put away to have a £100 for Christmas, that was the only extra money in our house. My parents never went out, we never got pocket money, we didn't go on holiday or to the cinema. The nearest we got to a take-away was a monthly sausage and chips. And a lot of people are having to learn to live that way again.

Vinta81

I don't have ATM stamped on my forehead. I don't mind spotting people sometimes, but as a college student working part time I don't have the income to support nights in or out or myself sometimes let alone my mates.

You were bloody right to say it!

misswex

That was a bit mean but fair play to ya for standing up for yourself.

Reminds me a little bit of the episode of friends where they were talking about going to a concert or something and some of them couldn't afford it etc and a big arguement ensued - anyone remember the episode I'm talking about?

venividivici

minidazzler wrote: »

I'm delighted you confronted them!!!! Most people come on here and say they weren't sure what to say!!!! Good on you!!!

..and don't take it so serious, it's not THAT bad..

Vinta81

misswex wrote: »

That was a bit mean but fair play to ya for standing up for yourself.

Reminds me a little bit of the episode of friends where they were talking about going to a concert or something and some of them couldn't afford it etc and a big arguement ensued - anyone remember the episode I'm talking about?

Yup, Chandler, Ross and Monica could more than afford the tickets, the other three couldn't. Money can be a really touchy subjext amongst friends. I think either the same episode or another one, they were at a nice restaurant and the same 3 could afford starter, dinner, desert etc, Rachel etc could only afford the soup etc...became an issue as to why they split the bill or something.

Sorry for rambling. I didn't even add my input lol.

Edgedinblue

fair play to you OP, most people wouldve just shrugged it off or have been too afraid to open their mouth. its very unfair for them to bark orders at you on what to buy for the night in, if anything you should get a thanks for collecting all that stuff. the whole job thing shouldnt ever come into the argument. its just sense to each pay their part of the bill. and tbh 4euro is amazing for a night in.

did you work it out how much everything cost? or did you guesstamate what each persons part was?

edit: never mind that, just after looking through the list of food you got, 4euro seems very fair tbh! between 6 of you would only be 24euro. and that appears like it wouldve cost maybe a bit more?
(also dying for some chinese now! :P)

sunnyside

sunnyside wrote: »

I have all of the above bills and pay them on my own. I budget for the above. This week I have €170 left
...
I don't budget this money down to the last €2.

Um yeah, wait til you have 170 for the month or less for misc expenses + bills, you'd be counting the pennies fairly sharp then

and if you don't, you really should be...

I still boggle at the amount of people who go out spending 5-10 every day on lunch alone

Edgedinblue

ive never understood people who spend that amount of money on lunch every day, its just plain stupid!

Edgedinblue

Edgedinblue wrote: »

ive never understood people who spend that amount of money on lunch every day, its just plain stupid!

Especially when you think "how many loaves of bread could I buy instead of this one sandwich"

Edgedinblue

Exactly what id be thinking! Saying that, i live literally a 2minute walk from my college, so i go home everyday and have lunch instead of spending a small fortune on something that'll only fill me for an hour at most.. my previous housemate, used to eat in college every day then come the end of the week she'd be complaining she has no money left nor does she know where it went! :rolleyes:

Chinafoot

iguana wrote: »

That's fine as long as you can afford it, but a lot of people just don't have that kind of cash anymore.

And if you can't afford it you don't get it. Simple. These girls knew food was being bought and I think we can safely assume they planned to eat the food. Therefore they were completely out of order for assuming the one with the job would cover their costs. I don't care how broke you are, if you have no money you do without. These girls should have told the OP that they didn't want any food because they couldn't afford it. They should not have made nasty comments behind her back because she dared to ask them for their fair share.

All this talk of casseroles and cakes is wonderful iguana and that obviously works for you. From the OP it seems that these nights in are a regular occurance and I'm going to assume that food has been bought before. Do these girls expect everything to be provided for them because they aren't working? They sound like nasty, meanfisted girls and the OP was well within her rights to call them out on what they said.

iguana

Chinafoot wrote: »

All this talk of casseroles and cakes is wonderful iguana and that obviously works for you. From the OP it seems that these nights in are a regular occurance and I'm going to assume that food has been bought before.

Wow patronising! I was asked what €12 would buy for 6 people so I gave an example. The OP did not specify what had happened in her OP so I asked for more details in case it was simply a case of what is cheap to one person being expensive to someone else. Then a lot of people who obviously have very little concept of the the value of money jumped down my throat about how little money €4 is. If you read the thread you'll see that this was an impromptu decision made as people were peckish and not a case of this being an every-meet occurrence.

Birdie086

In fairness, if most people are on a budget why buy nibbles in the chinese?? Why not hit a late night supermarket(as its impromtu) and hit the freezer section, bung the stuff in the oven and twenty minutes later - nibbles!! Maybe frozen pizza/nuggets/burgers/sauages + chips/onion rings + garlic bread???

Edgedinblue

thats actually a really good idea! even just a couple bags of nachos which you can get cheap in tescos, some homemade sauce (its not that hard to make!) bit of cheese, sour cream, lettuce and big bowls.. yummy and doesnt cost that much either

Chinafoot

iguana wrote: »

Wow patronising! I was asked what €12 would buy for 6 people so I gave an example. The OP did not specify what had happened in her OP so I asked for more details in case it was simply a case of what is cheap to one person being expensive to someone else. Then a lot of people who obviously have very little concept of the the value of money jumped down my throat about how little money €4 is. If you read the thread you'll see that this was an impromptu decision made as people were peckish and not a case of this being an every-meet occurrence.

I wasn't being patronising at all. Whatever works for you is great.

Saying that €4 isn't going to break the bank does not mean people have no concept of money, nor did anyone jump down your throat. My impression from the OP is that getting food was not a once off..she mentioned explaining that she can't do it "every week", she also said "I was asked to collect the food". Perhaps she can clarify this.

The point isn't whether or not €4 is expensive....the point is that this food was planned, the OP was the last to arrive, the girls who weren't working appear to have made no attempt to opt out of the food and instead they felt that the OP should pay because she's the one who is working.

Being broke is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for expecting other people to pay your way and making excuses for that behaviour is ridiculous.

quietobserver

and if all else fails, fill them a couple of glasses of free water from the tap. after already eating it will fill whatever gap is there and supress the munchies.

i dont know, i understand where the OP is coming from. But anyone who would bitch or complain behind someones back would mean next time its €12 between 4 people.:D

OP are the girls who are unemployed on dole?

Edgedinblue

it wouldve been a case of not giving those two hoooers food! more for everyone that way!

quietobserver

Edgedinblue wrote: »

it wouldve been a case of not giving those two hoooers food! more for everyone that way!

i should have explained it as simple as that.:rolleyes:

xcarriex

So its not just me who has and opinion about this

Im so glad there is diff opinions as its made me see it from all angles,

Well our nights in are v regular, depending on whose hosting depends on whats happening, usually one of the girls does make a big curry or spag bol and we will either chip in for some wine or a few bottles and we will bring some tinnys for her hubby ( he is v understanding and drops us home)


We actually werent gonna have food that night, i was running late, and they rang and asked so what annoyed me was it was something they sat down discussed and rang me, with the menu in there hand the prices were in front of them, so its not like it was a surprise,

Im all for saving money i defo agree it silly to waste in on exp lunches, i make 3 diff things freeze them and use them during the month,

Ya they are on the dole, and as much as i really feel for them not even the money thing its driving the bonkers sitting around, but they can always afford a new top or shoes!

Yeah i think money amongst friends is a time bomb

Really appreciate everyones view on this!

Relevant

You were right OP. I've noticed lately that people nearly make you feel guilty for having a job!

quietobserver

yea thats why i asked were they on the dole OP, often they play the poor mouth yet have money for plenty and are better off that the person working.
id have no time for them. Friends dont take your energy they enhance it. Ditch them.

xcarriex

Relevant wrote: »

You were right OP. I've noticed lately that people nearly make you feel guilty for having a job!

If i was walking around like a snob with chanel bags and MiuMiu Heels then yeah bitch at me for rubbing it in, but nothing better than a saturday afternoon nothing better than getting stuck into bargain hunting charity shops im helping them embrace the recession as best i know how!

ecaf

Birdie086 wrote: »

In fairness, if most people are on a budget why buy nibbles in the chinese?? Why not hit a late night supermarket(as its impromtu) and hit the freezer section, bung the stuff in the oven and twenty minutes later - nibbles!! Maybe frozen pizza/nuggets/burgers/sauages + chips/onion rings + garlic bread???

More or less what I was thinking, or hit the spar shop for a slice pan and couple of bags of crisps. Yummy crisp sandwich!
Seems like your friends are still stuck in their ideal world but expecting you to fund them through it. They needed that kick into the real world, and I'm glad you made them cough up for it, and make them realise that they need to change their views a little until they can afford these luxuries again.

Some of my friends are tight for money, we went out (which was once in a blue moon thing) and didn't do rounds as we would have done before, it made it easier for them to opt out of a round if they wanted to. Having said that I wouldn't see my friends stuck either, and we'd make sure to try and even things out if eating out or anything.

xcarriex

ecaf wrote: »

I wouldn't see my friends stuck either, and we'd make sure to try and even things out if eating out or anything.

Yeah i totally agreee and if they rang and were like look im a lil stuck would ya mind if maybe i looked after u when i have a few bob then thats totally fine, but it was the fact they just thought i should do this,

There was a night back in Feb when we were heading out and me and lets call her Ann had to get a taxi home, now i knew it was gonna be about €10 each and i knew Ann had no money and wanted to come out the next night so i dropped her home, and paid for the JoeMaxi passing my house to get to hers and back,

FYI this is the same Ann who gave out about €4!

dublingal80

maybe next time organise that everyone makes something to bring over for the night in....like nibbles, salads, a big lasange, a dessert. might make it more fair than trying to get money off people who dont wanna give it

Molberts

I'm glad you confronted them about it, they were way out of line tbh.

Offering to treat your mates when they're stuck is one thing, them expecting it is another thing entirely.

I used to have a "friend" who would constantly make feel bad for earning more money than her, as if I was some how privileged to be doing so - when in fact I just worked harder than her while she thought the world owed her a living:pac:

Edgedinblue

most people i know who are working have very few hours during the week anymore since hours have been majorly cut, and could be lucky if they even make the 200euro a week depending on where they work, etc. but 4euro out of their 204.34euros a week, they should be ashamed of themselves for being so petty!

but you were right to take the money off them. if this happens again they can go hungry! or maybe im being cruel here, just dont invite those two beggers!

Novella

I know exactly how you feel, OP! I have a job and a car (most of my friends don't) and they seem to constantly expect me to pay for things and bring them places. To be honest, it drives me absolutely mad!

None of my friends lost their jobs due to the recession or anything, they have just NEVER had a job and are used to everything being handed to them. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this, I've had a pretty nice upbringing too and have generous parents but I have been employed since I was seventeen and finished school.

I work for the money I have so I don't feel guilty when I splurge and buy myself some new clothes or whatever, but some of my friends seem to like to try make me feel bad about it, constantly pointing out how much I am spending. It's so annoying.

A lot of the time, I hear, "Oh, I don't have change, will you just pay for this and I'll pay you back later?". I never get paid back though and I hate asking for the money 'cause I feel so mean. Fair play to you for standing up for yourself!

Just because you have a job doesn't mean you should have to pay for anyone else's food or be made feel bad because you may have more money than them. If they can't afford to give you four euro for snacks, perhaps they should stay at home. I don't mean to be harsh but this is a sore spot with me!

Also, four euro is not a lot of money, considering you got Chinese and Doritos, dips and drinks! I think that's very reasonable actually.

valery

Its awful to see people in such financial dire straights to be backbiting re 4 euro.....makes me sad , and annoyed .

SarahSassy

Relevant wrote: »

You were right OP. I've noticed lately that people nearly make you feel guilty for having a job!

Or going out for lunch.....

The Sweeper

In terms of the value of €4, look at it this way - your friends thought it was too much for you to ask them for... but just little enough for you to be able to spend on them yourself without worrying about it?

You're dead right - subbing two other people €8 a night for a couple of nights a week, four weeks a month, all adds up!

cuckoo

xcarriex wrote: »

Yeah i think money amongst friends is a time bomb

+10000. Amongst family I don't mind paying if I've the cash - blood is thicker than water for me, but friends can be soooo tricky. I understand that people are feeling stretched, but don't take it out on me because i'm lucky enough to not be worried about money. :mad: And...one of the reasons i'm not under pressure at the moment is that i lived a pretty simple life and have always kept an eye on my finances and controlled my debt.

I don't want to be some kind of moralistic stuck up victorian throw back - but does anyone else feel like there's the 'deserving, decent' broke ppl and the others? For me there's a world of difference between those who lost their jobs and those who are the 'never worked' or the 'worked and lived it up on the credit card'. I'm in a full blown rant here - but i'm tired of people moaning about being broke and wondering how it happened as they sit there in their expensive shoes, jewellery, make up, clothes and then drive home in the brand new, expensive car they bought on a high interest payment plan.

Ffs, i know one person on the dole who continues to buy new books to read because second hand ones in charity shops are 'dirty' and the library is 'full of kids and smells bad'.

ecaf wrote: »

Some of my friends are tight for money, we went out (which was once in a blue moon thing) and didn't do rounds as we would have done before, it made it easier for them to opt out of a round if they wanted to. Having said that I wouldn't see my friends stuck either, and we'd make sure to try and even things out if eating out or anything.

One thing i welcome about the change in things is that now if i meet people there's a lot more common sense about splitting up the bill - it's now normal to divide the alcohol from the food at a meal. Previously the non-drinkers seemed to be forever subbing the drinkers; i've been looked at as if I had two heads in the past for suggesting that only those who drank the wine should be paying for it.

*deep breath*

I feel a lot better for getting that little rant out of my system!

sunnyside

Novella wrote: »

If they can't afford to give you four euro for snacks, perhaps they should stay at home.

I agree with that. I have declined invites when I couldn't afford things.

valery wrote: »

Its awful to see people in such financial dire straights to be backbiting re 4 euro.....makes me sad , and annoyed .

True.

CathyMoran

I have a friend who is on the dole that expected me and my husband to pay for a full night out at a table quizz. Yes I am sorry that she is unemployed but she lives at home. The thing is that my husband and I do not even drink. We did not go to the quizz.

tatabubbly

CathyMoran wrote: »

I have a friend who is on the dole that expected me and my husband to pay for a full night out at a table quizz. Yes I am sorry that she is unemployed but she lives at home. The thing is that my husband and I do not even drink. We did not go to the quizz.

Good on you! BTW i'm on the dole and do not expect any one to pay my way. By the time my bills are paid, i've round 100e left after rent so i try my hardest to save it so other people don't have to feel sorry for me! My friends understand this and try to be as accomadating as possible!