Jealous of your friends?

Saucey-Susie

Im sure there are a few of us out there that adore our friends but is jealous about something, silly or serious.

Like my best friend, i love her to bits, but she can always do these mad hairstyles with her hair, even tho its very short, and i can barely put mine in a hair band she even is able to cut her own hair and its brilliant, doesnt look stupid or anything grr @ her!!!!

I have another friend, again, one of my best friends in the world and have the best laugh when im with her, but she is just too pretty!!!! she eats like a horse and never puts weight on and always looks stunning, even in trackie bottoms!! thats just unfair!!!!!!!

Then my other friend, again, adore her, but she has unlimited amounts of sex appeal, which seriously oozes out of her. Its hilarious to watch her in a club and the guys fall around her. id love just a teeny tiny bit of that..


Anyone else?

Rozabeez

Those sound more like insecurities than your own personal envy, I'm sure you've got traits your friends admire too and would kill for.

Saucey-Susie

am sure they are insecurities, arent most people insecure about something??
and maybe i do have things they would like, but thats what im jealous of and i wouldnt change my friends for the world. most amazing bunch of girls i have ever met

shellyboo

Can't say I'm jealous of any of my friends really! I love them for who they are, and I suppose they have things that I don't have... but I'm happy enough being me! If I wanted to change I would and could

SeekUp

Growing up, I used to be jealous of various things -- mostly things like someone's natural ability/talent, as opposed to the way they look or anything. But as I've gotten older, I have to say that I haven't felt jealous of any of my friends in a really long time.

jellie

meh. the grass is always greener & all that. yeah i have friends who have things id like (like totally fab figures!) but i wouldnt say im jealous of them. more like "ooh the lucky wagon!!".

Novella

I'm not jealous of any of my friends at all really. I'm quite happy in my own skin and with what I've got. I mean, I have days when I think "Oh, she's so skinny, I'd love to be like that!", but those are just bad days for me, maybe I'm having a 'fat day' or whatever! It's not a constant thing.

Of course, I have insecurities but I try not to focus on them too much, When it comes to my friends I concentrate on just having fun with them, girlie chats, going out dancing, whatever! Life's too short to be jealous!

cathysworld

I can sympathise with you, I have a friend who attracts every guy she meets! She also eats nothing but chocolate and junk but is like a rake yet she never works out! But I still like her

The Big Red Button

No, I don't think I'm jealous of any of them.

If we're out for the night, and some of them are looking particularly fabulous, if anything I just feel ... well, really proud and happy for them if that makes sense!

Same if they achieve anything in their careers, or with their own talents or whatever.

I don't see the point in being jealous! Like, some of them have better figures than me ... but I could always go on a diet and do a bit of exercise if I was arsed! At least that would actually achieve something ... sitting there feeling jealous won't do anything except create bitterness and resentment

cathysworld

Well im not bitter or resentful of her, but I cant help but feel a little bit jealous that it comes so easy to her to attract guys even when she doesnt try. Thats normal no? I'm not a robot

Saucey-Susie

ah no! i think you have me completely wrong. Im not sitting there, feeling bitter and resentful of my friends. Its silly little things that id be like OH!!! Id love to be a little like that, or whatever. And on the other hand, some of them have points about them that i wouldnt want at all. I love my friends and i do even tell them what I think is great about them, ie the figure, the sex appeal etc and they juat laugh about it and we move on with our night out or whatever. Its no biggie or anything. not something that would ever stop me being friends with someone, or feel resentful or bitter just cos someone is deadly at doing their hair!! :pac:

Anna Molly

I wish that I'd naturally blonde hair.

Saucey-Susie

oh me too!! that and a nice healthy glow!! would kill for it
hmmm, i think im gonna move to spain to start working on it

SeekUp

Anna Molly wrote: »

I wish that I'd naturally blonde hair.

But that's not really the same as being jealous of everyone who has naturally blonde hair, y'know?

I mean, maybe you are, I don't know! I'm just saying that because you want something doesn't mean you're jealous of people who have it.

pikachucheeks

Apart from when I was a child, getting jealous of friends who had "better" toys than me, I don't think I've ever been particularly jealous of a friend.

I'm really different to all of my friends and they're all really different to me. We're all have our own personalities and individual sense of style!

There's no reason for me to be jealous - They're my friends! I'll be happy for them, I'll be proud of them, I'll compliment them - I won't be jealous of them.

Saucey-Susie

i suppose jealous is a WAY too strong a word to use... hehehe oopsie

i adore my friends too, love them to pieces, never fell out with any of them, i dont see the point unless when its a massive issue. I guess there are silly things about my friends that i love about them, but maybe through my own insecurities wish i had or was a little bit like, or maybe i do have it already and just dont realise.

never mind me! im hormonal!!

Orlee

I think I'm jealous of pretty much all of them in one way or another ... yeah ... it's probably "the grass is always greener" complex but they are things that I could never be!

SheRa

i have to say that i think that this is the most pathetic thread that i have ever seen on tLL.

i have to say ive never put any thought into what ways i may be jealous of my friends:rolleyes:, im too busy just having fun with them.

im just shocked i have to say.

Handsome Bob

I wouldn't be jealous of friends, however sometimes I can find myself resenting them for the bubble they live in. For example, a mate was telling me how much of a self made legend his girlfriend was, and how at 22 with no experience and straight out of Uni, she was headhunted by a firm for an excellent position. Except this guy's dad got her the job. But to this guy that doesn't matter, she's still totally self made.

Brijoeire

I'm feeling bad for the OP right now. Some of the ladies are coming down really hard on her. All she did was express her feelings and try to see if somebody could relate to them.

She even said that jealous was overly strong too. I'm assuming she meant envious. And who hasn't been at times? I've seen the girls with bigger boobs, better teeth or boys swarming like bees and just felt a twinge of 'i wish' inside. It isn't bad..being envious can even help us set new goals. She could decide to be more bubbly or outgoing after watching her mates in action. I'm sure her friends take it as a compliment too...

sunnyside

I couldn't be friends with people I'm jealous of.

metaoblivia

If I am jealous of my friends - and I can't think of anything off the top of my head right now - it's very fleeting and quickly replaced by, "but you have this, this, and this going for you, so it's all even," and I go happily on my way.

paperclip2

I think the OP meant more along the lines of traits or gifts our mates have that we really appreciate in them. I have a friend who is an amazing singer and I would love to be able to hit the notes like she does. As it is, I'll settle for getting her to sing whenever I can.

Crumble Froo

what paperclip said, really, im not *jealous* of my mates, i know there's things i have/can do that my mates wish they could, but one of my best mates back home, has the most amazing singing voice, ill always envy her that, cos im useless at singing.

another mate is an amazing guitarist and with that, just has to pick up a bass and plays it so effortlessly. him and one chick i used to see heaps have so much musical talent that ill just never have.

over in nz, im mostly just envious of my mates' awesome surfing skills... but then, it's been his life for the last 15 years...

i do know that people envy me for my general attitude to life and the fact that there's been things i wanted to do in life that i just did, whereas they've dreamed of doing the same and not gotten round to it, or being able to speak other languages, or even my own meagre arty abilities, so i guess it's all balanced enough.

pikachucheeks

SheRa wrote: »

i have to say that i think that this is the most pathetic thread that i have ever seen on tLL.

No offence, but I think that's a bit cruel. I don't think it's fair to say something like that, on a public forum. This place is for everyone; Surely, people can talk about whatever topics they like, provided it's in line with the charter?

The OP asked a question, she was looking for answers - not looking for criticisms of her thread

paperclip2 wrote: »

I think the OP meant more along the lines of traits or gifts our mates have that we really appreciate in them.

I can definitely relate to this. My friends are all talented and great in their own way. I like that we're all very complementary of each other and we all do our best to make each other feel appreciated and cared for.

I admire different things about all my friends ; their strength during hard times, their creative talents, their sense of humour ... I find new things I love about my friends all the time!

SheRa

pikachucheeks wrote: »

No offence, but I think that's a bit cruel. I don't think it's fair to say something like that, on a public forum. This place is for everyone; Surely, people can talk about whatever topics they like, provided it's in line with the charter?

no offence taken. yes i was too harsh, sorry OP.

MJOR

like you can be thinking i wish i had that or i wish i could do that but never in a malicious way.... I wish i could sing and i wish i could dance and i wish i was seven stone!

Vinny-Chase

Yeah some hard words for the OP in here, don't get it.

I get what ye mean OP. Friend of mine, dude can pull women like there's no women. Walks up to them with no troubles at all. I'd love to be like that.

But on the flip side he's "jealous" of me because I can act

Acacia

Hmmm, yeah, I would say I'm envious of my friends in certain departments! Mostly looks!

One of them is so unbelievably cute and pretty, she's very smart and confident too! And she has a great figure, never puts on weight! And maybe the best thing about her is she doesn't realise how stunning she is- she is in no way conceited or vain! Really lovely girl.

My other friend is a knockout too! She's quite tall (which she doesn't really like!) I keep telling her short girls (like me!) are a dime a dozen, she really stands out in the crowd. She's plain gorgeous anyway! She's also super-friendly and just an all-round great person!

So don't get me wrong, I love my girlies to bits, but sometimes I feel like such an ugly duckling compared to them. *sigh*

But yeah, why is the OP getting so much grief? I know what she means- it's not like you're hankering after something your friends have in a malicious way, it's just natural when somebody has a good quality that you feel a sense of 'I want that too!'. It doesn't mean you don't love/care about your friends or yourself!:D

Pretty_Pistol

The only thing that stands out that I'm jealous/envious of some of my friends are that they have close-knit families. My parents and siblings don't do anything together. Nevermind cousins, aunts and uncles getting together for family gatherings. I think it's lovely to see how close my friends are with their parents, siblings and extended family.

Salome

Although my friends are very successful, sussed, happy women, I can't say I was ever jealous of them. I always slightly envied them their successes (having boyfriends/husbands/children/owning their own homes) at the time, there was no begrudgery there. Of course, I wished I had those things - but it didn't eat me up inside that I didn't have them.

And whilst you might think your friends have it all, I came to realise that although on the surface my friends appeared to have it all, there were some serious things going on in the background (infertility for one person, miscarriage for another), even those with outwardly perfect lives have the same problems that the rest of the world have.

Celebrate your friends' success, aspire to it if that what's going to make you happy but don't envy it - envy is futile and bitter.

ALincoln

You're all so vacuous - are any of you jealous of intelligence rather than looks?

Also, jealously is perfectly natural, and to a certain extent, healthy. There's nothing like jealously to spur you to try harder and kick on for targets you may not otherwise have contemplated.

SmokeyJo84

can't say I am outright jealous of any of my friends but I definately get pangs of envy every so often.
For example my friends are all stunners and they get so much attention from men when we're out whilst I am the invisible girl in the corner chatting away to random people!
But i know they all have insecurities just like myself so we all work well together and boost ourselves. None of my friends are conceited about their looks or puts anyone else down. Im happy to say that there is little back-biting and bitchyness in the group.

Also my best friend in the world is just so smart, confident and gorgeous, and she doesnt even realise it. She's doing so well after her masters and really going for what she wants. I'm not jealous of her achievements but more so envious of her drive...but that just makes me want to do more for myself!

When i do feel pangs of insecurity, jealousy or envious (whatever you want to call it) I just think that these fantastic people wouldnt be friends with me if it weren't for some good reason, right?....Right???:eek:

pikachucheeks

ALincoln wrote: »

You're all so vacuous - are any of you jealous of intelligence rather than looks?

Perhaps the reason most women in here have mentioned being jealous -or admiring - of their friends' looks, over their "intelligence" is because the majority of women would be more insecure about their looks, their physical appearance, than their personality or their level of intelligence?

I'd admire my friends' intelligence over their looks, for sure. Looks only matter so much and being "hot" doesn't get you any level of real respect from people.
If I was to say what I admire most about my friends, none of it would be physical. However, I do acknowledge that they're all amazing looking, in their own right

shivvyban

I wouldn't say I'm jealous of my friends. I have a few who are doing really well in life and I'm delighted for them. The only thing that annoys me is myself and why can't I be as determined as they are. Its not envy of them and what they've got, its annoyance at me not living life to its full potential. I don't get jealous of their looks or their figures, I think why can't I have the will to have that fugure, intelligence. I just jave to remind myself that there are things that I have that no-one else does and sorry for sounding all ghey, we're all brill in our own ways... (can't believe I said that.... :rolleyes:)

rannerap

i wouldnt really be jealous per se but i do wish i had nicer teeth like a lot of my friends *sigh* im working on it though! one of my friends is getting braces too soon so i wont be so alone:D

Censorsh!t

I'm jealous of that fact that some of my friends are soo so outgoing and confident, while I'm the shy little girl who never talks.

Nead21

I get a little pang of jealousy when my bf picks up languages so easily...wish i was able to do that

chocgirl

No, not now but there was a stage at college where I have to admit I was so so jealous of a lot of my friends. They all seemed to be from wealthy backgrounds and had money lavished on them while I was working to keep myself going. I used to be so resentful walking through town with them as they shopped and headed out most nights.

In my defense though I was very young at the time and realised quickly that there's always plenty worse off than you.

I do think jealousy can sometimes be good though if it pushes you to achieve things you'd genuinely like.

Lorrs33

chocgirl wrote: »

No, not now but there was a stage at college where I have to admit I was so so jealous of a lot of my friends. They all seemed to be from wealthy backgrounds and had money lavished on them while I was working to keep myself going. I used to be so resentful walking through town with them as they shopped and headed out most nights.

In my defense though I was very young at the time and realised quickly that there's always plenty worse off than you.

I do think jealousy can sometimes be good though if it pushes you to achieve things you'd genuinely like.

I'm like that at the minute, which I know is childish but I don't take it out on them or anything. I still love them, they're the bestest friends I could ever have hoped for.

chocgirl

Lorrs33 wrote: »

I'm like that at the minute, which I know is childish but I don't take it out on them or anything. I still love them, they're the bestest friends I could ever have hoped for.

tbh think it's fairly natural to an extent but you'll probably find that you have a completely different set of life skills that they're lacking and this'll stand to you when you start working in your "real" job!

whatdoicare

I used to be so jealous of my two friends who are just stunning looking women and always felt like the ugly duckling compared to them until after one night out they both admitted that one was jealous that I have boobs and the other was jealous of my year round tan....I never felt jealous of them again, I'm now proud to be their friend!:P

Jessica-Rabbit

I have to say im not jealous of anyone as I am mature enough to accept that eveyone is diffrent and im very happy and secure with who i am and how I look but i know people are jealous of me because of how I look ect.. and it anoyes me so much I hate jealous people they are so immature and insecure.. everyone needs to accept who they are and what they are like ,, if ur not happy with how u look then change it simple as that ,, no one shoud make someone suffer because they are good looking ..everyone is diffrent ,, jealous people need to accept that and GET OVER IT!!!!

cathysworld

Jessica-Rabbit wrote: »

I have to say im not jealous of anyone as I am mature enough to accept that eveyone is diffrent and im very happy and secure with who i am and how I look but i know people are jealous of me because of how I look ect.. and it anoyes me so much I hate jealous people they are so immature and insecure.. everyone needs to accept who they are and what they are like ,, if ur not happy with how u look then change it simple as that ,, no one shoud make someone suffer because they are good looking ..everyone is diffrent ,, jealous people need to accept that and GET OVER IT!!!!

You need to get over yourself!

pikachucheeks

Jessica-Rabbit wrote: »

I have to say im not jealous of anyone as I am mature enough to accept that eveyone is diffrent and im very happy and secure with who i am and how I look but i know people are jealous of me because of how I look ect.. and it anoyes me so much I hate jealous people they are so immature and insecure..

You're lucky that you can say you're "happy and secure" with who you are, that's a blessing. In today's world, it's also something that's very rare, considering the high percentage of women who feel unhappy with themselves and their physical appearance.

For some women, it's not about being "immature" or simply being "insecure" - they might be jealous, or envious of others because of deep issues within themselves.

In my opinion, it's incredibly hard being a woman nowadays. Everywhere you look ; on tv, in magazines, on billboards, in shops, there's pictures of what the media and society are telling us women should be.
Pictures of photoshopped goddesses , who might cause us to doubt ourselves - even for a second, are everywhere we go.

It's not "immature" to feel self-conscious, or even envious of other women - it's incredibly sad - and it's a reflection of what a very tainted society and warped socitical values has done to us.

Jessica-Rabbit wrote: »

everyone needs to accept who they are and what they are like ,, if ur not happy with how u look then change it simple as that

It's not THAT simple to accept yourself. For some people, it can take months, others will take years. Some people will never be full comfortable with themselves. Everyone is different.

From various other threads here, it's obvious that every one of us is self-conscious about some aspect of our being. No one is flawless and no one is perfect. The message that we should accept ourselves is important, but people need time and they need others to be patient.

You don't just wake up one morning, roll out of bed and think "I think I'm going to accept myself for who I am today" - it's a process, it takes time.

As for "change" if you're not happy with yourself, I'd love to hear your suggestions on that.
In my opinion, simply altering your appearance doesn't help, long term. You need to be at one with your self, as a whole.
Buying yourself a new nose, or a new set of boobs to try and combat your insecurities or self-loathing won't give you ultimate happiness.

Jessica-Rabbit wrote: »

no one shoud make someone suffer because they are good looking...

I agree. No one should suffer because of their physical appearance. But I believe "good looking" is subjective. Everyone has good qualities about them, everyone has something to offer and everyone is worthy of both love and affection. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Just because someone is "jealous" of you doesn't mean they'll make you suffer, as a result.
You can be insecure about your looks without wanting to hurt someone who you consider to be attractive or more attractive than you.

Jessica-Rabbit

cathysworld wrote: »

You need to get over yourself!

thats not a fair comment to pass.. i have ever right to feel good about how I look and who I am.. im a strong person and i accecpt that just like every other women i have imperfections but i accecpt my looks and my body and make the most of how look.. i am welll aware that I wont look this way forever so why not be happy and make the most of what I have now.. I think every woman should weither she is a size 8 or 20 when u feel sexy and good about yourself it shows and you feel more confidant and less jealous of others

Jessica-Rabbit

pikachucheeks wrote: »

You're lucky that you can say you're "happy and secure" with who you are, that's a blessing. In today's world, it's also something that's very rare, considering the high percentage of women who feel unhappy with themselves and their physical appearance.

For some women, it's not about being "immature" or simply being "insecure" - they might be jealous, or envious of others because of deep issues within themselves.

In my opinion, it's incredibly hard being a woman nowadays. Everywhere you look ; on tv, in magazines, on billboards, in shops, there's pictures of what the media and society are telling us women should be.
Pictures of photoshopped goddesses , who might cause us to doubt ourselves - even for a second, are everywhere we go.

It's not "immature" to feel self-conscious, or even envious of other women - it's incredibly sad - and it's a reflection of what a very tainted society and warped socitical values has done to us.




It's not THAT simple to accept yourself. For some people, it can take months, others will take years. Some people will never be full comfortable with themselves. Everyone is different.

From various other threads here, it's obvious that every one of us is self-conscious about some aspect of our being. No one is flawless and no one is perfect. The message that we should accept ourselves is important, but people need time and they need others to be patient.

You don't just wake up one morning, roll out of bed and think "I think I'm going to accept myself for who I am today" - it's a process, it takes time.

As for "change" if you're not happy with yourself, I'd love to hear your suggestions on that.
In my opinion, simply altering your appearance doesn't help, long term. You need to be at one with your self, as a whole.
Buying yourself a new nose, or a new set of boobs to try and combat your insecurities or self-loathing won't give you ultimate happiness.



I agree. No one should suffer because of their physical appearance. But I believe "good looking" is subjective. Everyone has good qualities about them, everyone has something to offer and everyone is worthy of both love and affection. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Just because someone is "jealous" of you doesn't mean they'll make you suffer, as a result.
You can be insecure about your looks without wanting to hurt someone who you consider to be attractive or more attractive than you.

I somewhat agree with what you say but everyone knows that these women in mgazines arent real .. they are completley airbrushed ... women should never compare themselves to that. as i said women should feel confidant regradless of their shape and size no one should ever tell you how you should look in order to be beautifull.. and as for accecpting yourself of course it takes time but people are better off to start sooner than later because i gaurantee that when their looks fade they will look back and realise how good they looked and regret not having more confidance in how they looked and who they were
and as for the suffering.. a lot of girls do.. people who are insecure can try to hurt them in order to make themsleves feel better
And as for changes .. if women are dont like their size either loose weight or gain weight. if ur not happy wth u hair change the style ... buy new clothes change your wardobe(u dnt need to break the bank)
some women gain cofidance after surgery ie breasts nose ect this isnt for everyone and it certainly isnt a nessissity but an option that should be well though out before going ahead with.. there are ways of improving yourelf and making changes and gaining confidance

pikachucheeks

Jessica-Rabbit wrote: »

I somewhat agree with what you say but everyone knows that these women in mgazines arent real .. they are completley airbrushed ... women should never compare themselves to that. as i said women should feel confidant regradless of their shape and size no one should ever tell you how you should look in order to be beautifull.. and as for accecpting yourself of course it takes time but people are better off to start sooner than later because i gaurantee that when their looks fade they will look back and realise how good they look and regret not having more confidance in how they looked and who they were

Women shouldn't compare themselves to media fabrications, no. But it happens - and it makes a lot of people very insecure and it makes them doubt themselves.
It's a sad fact of modern society.

I definitely agree that acceptance should start sooner, rather than later, but I can't agree with your point on looks.

Who a person fundamentally is, doesn't change, when their looks fade. Looks and physical appearance only make up a small part of who you are. True confidence is about loving and believing in your entire self.

People should take pride in their appearance, yes! They should know and believe that they are beautiful, although not to someone else's detriment - but they should also take equal pride in their personality and their inner selves and place value on that, too.

Jessica-Rabbit

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Women shouldn't compare themselves to media fabrications, no. But it happens - and it makes a lot of people very insecure and it makes them doubt themselves.
It's a sad fact of modern society.

I definitely agree that acceptance should start sooner, rather than later, but I can't agree with your point on looks.

Who a person fundamentally is, doesn't change, when their looks fade. Looks and physical appearance only make up a small part of who you are. True confidence is about loving and believing in your entire self.

People should take pride in their appearance, yes! They should know and believe that they are beautiful, although not to someone else's detriment - but they should also take equal pride in their personality and their inner selves and place value on that, too.

I totally agree but in todays society and the unrealistic images that are shoved in our faces make women feel insecure because the want to be attractive and feel that they arent when in reality they are. Even though looks certainly make up a tiny percentage of a person women still want this they want to look good outside and a lot of the time when u look good on the outside you feel better about yourself... certainly who you are on the inside is more imporant as who you are inside will be last for the rest of you life.. but women what to feel beutiful on the outside too

PhysiologyRocks

I'm not jealous.

If it's a circumstance/situation, well we all have good and bad ones.

If it can be achieved, if I want it, I'll do it.

girlka

pikachucheeks wrote: »

You're lucky that you can say you're "happy and secure" with who you are, that's a blessing. In today's world, it's also something that's very rare, considering the high percentage of women who feel unhappy with themselves and their physical appearance.

For some women, it's not about being "immature" or simply being "insecure" - they might be jealous, or envious of others because of deep issues within themselves.

In my opinion, it's incredibly hard being a woman nowadays. Everywhere you look ; on tv, in magazines, on billboards, in shops, there's pictures of what the media and society are telling us women should be.
Pictures of photoshopped goddesses , who might cause us to doubt ourselves - even for a second, are everywhere we go.

It's not "immature" to feel self-conscious, or even envious of other women - it's incredibly sad - and it's a reflection of what a very tainted society and warped socitical values has done to us.




It's not THAT simple to accept yourself. For some people, it can take months, others will take years. Some people will never be full comfortable with themselves. Everyone is different.

From various other threads here, it's obvious that every one of us is self-conscious about some aspect of our being. No one is flawless and no one is perfect. The message that we should accept ourselves is important, but people need time and they need others to be patient.

You don't just wake up one morning, roll out of bed and think "I think I'm going to accept myself for who I am today" - it's a process, it takes time.

As for "change" if you're not happy with yourself, I'd love to hear your suggestions on that.
In my opinion, simply altering your appearance doesn't help, long term. You need to be at one with your self, as a whole.
Buying yourself a new nose, or a new set of boobs to try and combat your insecurities or self-loathing won't give you ultimate happiness.



I agree. No one should suffer because of their physical appearance. But I believe "good looking" is subjective. Everyone has good qualities about them, everyone has something to offer and everyone is worthy of both love and affection. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Just because someone is "jealous" of you doesn't mean they'll make you suffer, as a result.
You can be insecure about your looks without wanting to hurt someone who you consider to be attractive or more attractive than you.

If woman has somebody who really loves her and she feels loved by him she will not feel unhappy with herself and her physical appearance