Do most men view above average looking girls as sex objects?

iguana

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

How do they know you were model? Do you tell them this off the bat and if so, why?

She did say she was living in a small rural area, people tend to know what you ate for dinner last night in small areas, never mind if you had a "glamorous" job in the recent past. I don't think the OP particularly broadcasts what she used to do, but it's probably well known where she is.

OP, what else are you into? The best looking person in all the world isn't relationship material if they don't have more going for them than that. Do you like sports, politics, art, zombie movies, photography, dogs, cooking? What are you passionate about? What would you have in common with a man you would be in a relationship with, what would bring to a relationship? Concentrate on the things you are into and maybe try to find someone that way. Very few people meet their partners in pubs and clubs, it does happen but it's rare. Most people meet through shared interests, work or friends.

Getting Tired wrote: »

I have values and like to be wooed just like any girl.

Actually this sounds a bit princessy, what do you mean by wooed? I know what I looked for in a man was a great friend who I connected with and was attracted to. Being wooed has never been something I looked for, it's a load of fakery and possibly something a lot of men don't want to be tasked with.

Eve_Dublin

iguana wrote: »

She did say she was living in a small rural area, people tend to know what you ate for dinner last night in small areas, never mind if you had a "glamorous" job in the recent past. I don't think the OP particularly broadcasts what she used to do, but it's probably well known where she is.

OP, what else are you into? The best looking person in all the world isn't relationship material if they don't have more going for them than that. Do you like sports, politics, art, zombie movies, photography, dogs, cooking? What are you passionate about what would you have in common with a man you would be in a relationship with, what would bring to a relationship? Concentrate on the things you are into and maybe try to find someone that way. Very few people meet their partners in pubs and clubs, it does happen but it's rare. Most people meet through shared interests, work or friends.

Ah right...I missed that post. Yeah it might have something to do with the auld small town mentality...you're probably the hottest chick in the town and they don't know how to handle you.

StormWarrior

If you are really serious about this, why not tone down your glamour factor? Join the TA, or take up paintballing or get a job on a farm. Just take something up that means you'll meet men whilst dressed down, and doing something that shows off your other abilities than your looks.

LegacyUser

kjl wrote: »

Well Im an above average man, I treat women I like with respect. When Im seeing an above attractive woman, Im proud to be her Bf alright, and love to show her off, but it comes down to personality weather Im attracted to her mentally or not.

You sound a little bit too confident, tone it down a bit and you wont be treated like an object

Do you not bother to treating women you don't like with respect?

Monkey61

To be honest it may well be down to personality more than looks. As others have asked, what are your interests? Do you want to meet men with the same interests? Have you got lots to say for yourself? Are you funny? It is these things that at the end of the day make someone much better looking than just their physical attributes and that keep people's interests.

I met a girl online who I think is absolutely stunning. But to those who don't know her, her personality leaves a lot to be desired. She is very cold and distant and quite difficult to talk to because of that. If I hadn't gotten to know her through emails then I wouldn't have liked her at all in person. She is terribly intelligent and interesting, but in person that really doesn't come across and any of my friends that have met her have either found her a bit dull and boring and impossible to talk to - or just really arrogant and rude. And because of that, while you would go "wow she's beautiful" and possibly want to sleep with her, you wouldn't really be attracted to the idea of spending lots of time with her.

Not saying that you are like that OP, but just an example of how people come across in first impressions in social situations really does affect their attractiveness.

LegacyUser

To all those who presume it must be a personality flaw, I can assure you it's not. I believe I have a lovely personality... I am fun, witty, friendly, intelligent, loyal. No one has ever eluded to my personality being a problem. These guys just don't want to get as far as finding out about my personality.
I have a successful career in the Equine industry, so hardly glamourous! Infact a lot of the time I'm up to my eyes in horse sh*t but these men still throw sexual innuendo into the equation! I do meet men in my work and hobbies but a lot of these are already attached or are just more friends than guys I would be interested in romantically.
My friends have met their boyfriends in the pub scene, but they would be out of towners, so I'm guessing maybe it's the guys in my town that have the problem rather than me!
Still, I just miss not having a special someone, or having a nice guy being interesred in me.

coffee_cake

Well, speaking as a non-above-average looking person (strangely lonely for us types in this thread :rolleyes:), I think if someone's first post/impression is about how they're dressed, their looks etc, I don't think they should be too surprised when men are looking only skin deep. If you only present yourself as being "popular" and "fashionable", what are guys supposed to think of you? Why don't you put across your intelligence or hobbies etc etc? Are you chatty friendly etc?

LegacyUser

To those who assume I must have some personality flaw, I can assure you I don't. I believe I have a lovely personality... I am fun, witty, friendly, intelligent, loyal. No one has ever eluded to my personality being a problem. It's just these guys don't even want to get as far as finding out about my personality or interests.
I have a sucessful career in the Equine industry, so hardly glamourous! Infact most of the time I'm up to my eyes in horse sh*t, yet these people somehow manage to throw sexual innuendo into the situation. I do meet men through my work and hobbies but most of them are already attached or are just friends, whome I would not be attracted to in a romantic way.
Lots of my friends have met their boyfriends through the pub scene, although most of these men are out of towners. I'm starting to think that maybe it's the men in my town that have the problem and not me.
Still, I do miss not having that special someone, or just having a nice guy interested in me.
as for portraying an "easy" image, this is not true. I do not sleep around. It seems these men just love the challenge of attempting to pull the good looking one's, without realising we have feelings too.

VaioCruiser

bluewolf wrote: »

Well, speaking as a non-above-average looking person (strangely lonely for us types in this thread :rolleyes:), I think if someone's first post/impression is about how they're dressed, their looks etc, I don't think they should be too surprised when men are looking only skin deep. If you only present yourself as being "popular" and "fashionable", what are guys supposed to think of you? Why don't you put across your intelligence or hobbies etc etc? Are you chatty friendly etc?

I find this a particularly unhelpful post. It's not a dating site here. She wasn't selling herself on Boards.ie ! just describing aspects of herself to set the scene for her question. Especially those aspect which are, it seems, causing the problems by intimidating men. What on earth is wrong with being popular ? and fashionable ? as opposed to being unpopular and grunge-like ?

coffee_cake

VaioCruiser wrote: »

I find this a particularly unhelpful post.

well it's a good thing you're not the OP then

It's not a dating site here. She wasn't selling herself on Boards.ie !

it's a first post in a thread she makes. welcome to the land of first impressions.

just describing aspects of herself to set the scene for her question.

Yes, and none of those aspects are about anything except her appearance.

What on earth is wrong with being popular ? and fashionable ?

Nobody said anything was wrong with those. But considering she's complaining about never having been in a "real relationship", I think we can all agree it takes more than being "popular" and "fashionable" to make a real relationship.

puglover

VaioCruiser wrote: »

I find this a particularly unhelpful post. It's not a dating site here. She wasn't selling herself on Boards.ie ! just describing aspects of herself to set the scene for her question. Especially those aspect which are, it seems, causing the problems by intimidating men. What on earth is wrong with being popular ? and fashionable ? as opposed to being unpopular and grunge-like ?

What is her basis for thinking these aspects are what are causing the problems. Also I don't see any evidence to suggest men are intimidated by her at all, in fact quite the opposite, they are all trying to get her into bed.

It's quite obvious that the girl either thinks she has nothing else going for her but her looks OR she thinks that that is the only thing that is important.

Fact is just because she doesn't see beyond them doesn't mean others don't.

There is any number of reasons she could be seen as a sex object. She could be the town bike (easy) or a complete frigid (a challenge). She could be a complete bitch or very shy and retiring.

I think bluewolf(and many others) are trying to get her to realise that her looks are not the only thing that need to be considered here.

Eve_Dublin

VaioCruiser wrote: »

I find this a particularly unhelpful post. It's not a dating site here. She wasn't selling herself on Boards.ie ! just describing aspects of herself to set the scene for her question. Especially those aspect which are, it seems, causing the problems by intimidating men. What on earth is wrong with being popular ? and fashionable ? as opposed to being unpopular and grunge-like ?

Oh get off your high horse VaioCruiser!! No one (and even us jealous women lurking the background with our warty noses and fat backsides ) is saying there's anything wrong with being popular or beautiful...they're two very desirable attributes in a person but posters are saying that this is not the be all and end all for a man looking to start a relationship with a girl as opposed to just sleeping with her. She's no problem it seems attracting men to sleep with her, it's keeping them that she has the problem with.

She seemed to put a lot of emphasis on her looks in her first post and nothing else. People are going on first impressions and we can only give her advice based on what she's written. Nobody is jealous or bitter here as nobody actually knows the girl or has seen what she looks like. Men are clearly judging her as well based on her looks if all they want to do is sleep with her.

The OP asked, "Why, when a girl is good looking, dresses fashionably and is reasonably popular do men treat her as just an object to be "had"? In fairness, this is not the case...these are the kinds of women who get the men in my experience...maybe not always the good guys but good taste in clothes and everything else doesn't always equate to good taste in men. HOWEVER these women usually have something more...they have an attractive personality to go with their looks or at least to their OHs...they have that "Je ne se quoi" and people are merely playing devils advocate by asking her if she's showing her personality instead of attracting men with looks alone...how can we answer the question posed..."Why am I not meeting boyfriends?".. if all she's told us is that she's good-looking, dresses fashionably and was a former model?

beks101

Far from men being intimidated by you, OP, I think it might be the reverse - if most males you encounter are blatantly eyeing you up / throwing around innuendos, could be this in turn is intimidating you - the feeling of being treated as simply a sex object.

It's hard to be open and friendly, comfortable and approachable when you're expecting every man in sight to treat you like a piece of meat and this might be making you clamp up and shut yourself off - so they have no basis to judge you but your looks.

Fact is, any red blooded heterosexual male is going to check you out, just as you'll clock any good-looking guy who crosses your path (granted maybe more subtly!) - this doesn't mean each and every one of them is only after one thing. Maybe they're waiting for a spark of personality, a sign of friendliness and openness that you're unable to provide because you're sure they all just want to bed you. A self fulfilling prophecy.

I don't mean this in any sort of offensive way, you're clearly a lovely girl with a nice personality, but if that's not coming across through your body language because you're feeling objectified every time you're in male company, then your looks alone will continue to be the means by which you'll be judged.

VaioCruiser

Getting Tired wrote: »

To all those who presume it must be a personality flaw, I can assure you it's not. I believe I have a lovely personality... I am fun, witty, friendly, intelligent, loyal. No one has ever eluded to my personality being a problem. These guys just don't want to get as far as finding out about my personality.
I have a successful career in the Equine industry, so hardly glamourous! Infact a lot of the time I'm up to my eyes in horse sh*t but these men still throw sexual innuendo into the equation! I do meet men in my work and hobbies but a lot of these are already attached or are just more friends than guys I would be interested in romantically.
My friends have met their boyfriends in the pub scene, but they would be out of towners, so I'm guessing maybe it's the guys in my town that have the problem rather than me!
Still, I just miss not having a special someone, or having a nice guy being interesred in me.

Hi OP. As you can see in this thread, being especially attractive beings a lot of challenges not just in your town, it clearly attracts a lot of resentment and resentful posts that immediately focus on blaming you and not on looking at the situation and the insecure and immature guys in your town.

Being in small town will magnify all of the challenges and it seems to me that a move to a bigger environment would help you a lot, together with the other positive advice you have received here.

All the best.

Eve_Dublin

Getting Tired wrote: »

To all those who presume it must be a personality flaw, I can assure you it's not. I believe I have a lovely personality... I am fun, witty, friendly, intelligent, loyal. No one has ever eluded to my personality being a problem. These guys just don't want to get as far as finding out about my personality.
I have a successful career in the Equine industry, so hardly glamourous! Infact a lot of the time I'm up to my eyes in horse sh*t but these men still throw sexual innuendo into the equation! I do meet men in my work and hobbies but a lot of these are already attached or are just more friends than guys I would be interested in romantically.
My friends have met their boyfriends in the pub scene, but they would be out of towners, so I'm guessing maybe it's the guys in my town that have the problem rather than me!
Still, I just miss not having a special someone, or having a nice guy being interesred in me.

No one presumed anything...we only had your first post to go on but now that you've expanded....then yep, I'm guessing it's the small town mentality of these fellas. I'm guessing they're too immature to deal with a good-looking woman with a good personality (and you seem clever from your posts). Unfortunately some guys don't believe women can be beautiful AND intelligent. We get it in the media and in films all the time....the stereotype of models being dumb, of the beautiful women in Hollywood films being dumb, vulnerable and submissive and of the geeky, ugly girl possessing the brains and strength. I'm not going to pull out a feminist conspiracy theory here but I'm guessing some men find the combination of the two VERY hard to deal with and very intimidating, they were brought up to believe that women can't have it ALL...particularly an average guy in a small town in Ireland.

Not sure what the solution is...perhaps you're not going to find the love of your life in your hometown...not many people do. To be honest, I don't know what advice to give you...it's not easy for anyone to meet a suitable partner no matter how beautiful or not so beautiful they are but you're clearly looking in the wrong places for starters....

pwd

If you dye your hair blonde, you could change it to natural colour or brown. This would change the attitudes of a lot of guys to you I believe. (not messing)

VaioCruiser

pwd wrote: »

If you dye your hair blonde, you could change it to natural colour or brown. This would change the attitudes of a lot of guys to you I believe. (not messing)

I cannot believe this has been suggested .... you have a load of personality and intellectually challenged guys in your town ... so YOU must change your life to suit them ? ....



All the best.

LegacyUser

I'm not blonde... natural or otherwise!!!

Thanks to you all for your input, some very insightful responses!

Yeah, maybe I will have to look farther afield for potential date. I only thought this was a looks related problem as this has been what some of the men have told me when I questioned them as to why I am not girlfriend material yet OK for the other. Answers like "you're too damn gorgeous to be a girlfriend, I don't wanna be constantly looking over my shoulder to see who's checking you out" were common. More of a reflection on them I'm guessing!

Soul Stretcher

Best of Luck OP...

I don't know if this is practical... but maybe a couple of months away from your home town would do you a world of good ??

See the world... engage with men in different cultures..... give you a fresh outlook and recharge your batteries...

Maybe even a 2 week holiday somewhere totally different to your home town...

You never know.... there really could be a gem of a man in your area... but your paths aren't crossing.... or your disappointment in the men in your area is closing your mind to new opportunites... maybe you can't see the wood for the trees at the moment....

I come from a middling size town which is nearly always looked down on... by outsiders and locals alike !!!

But you know what... I think it is a great place ! No... it isn't perfect... but it has a lot going for it which a lot of other people don't seem able to see... I'm single and I'm always pleasantly surprised by the many hot women I see about the place of all nationalities..

If all else fails, pm me and we'll go on a date - I won't be insecure about your georgeousness... when I've stopped drooling that is !! (just kidding)

kingofthecastle

in fairness, above average looking girls dont seem to be as friendly or have much of a personality compared to their average looking counterparts. its like they feel that because they are good looking they dont have to make the same effort and can be socially lazy.
form a mans perspective, sound women are usually the not as attractive ones and above average looking women are usually high maintenance, moody and demanding. above average looking women also seem to go for their male equivalent, the male model flashy type with the toni and guy haircut. aka a tosser.
the solution to this problem op would seem to be to take matters in your own hands and ask out a guy rather than waiting for one to ask you out. that way ur taking control of your own destiny

AARRRGH

Getting Tired wrote: »

Hey all... this might not sound like a big problem, but it's starting to really get me down.
I am a former model, considered beautiful, etc etc. Luckiest girl in the world is what most people think! But I'm in turmoil as far as relationships go... basically I have never had a real one. Men just see me as a potential one night stand, potential FB, someone to brag to their mates about. I'm not sending out any specific signals to convey this image. I'm just a normal girl to be honest.
Why, when a girl is good looking, dresses fashionably and is reasonably popular do men treat her as just an object to be "had"?

Lots of women suffer from the one night stand treatment, it has nothing to do with how good looking you are.

I'm just going to throw this out there as a theory, I don't know you so I could be totally off the mark, but make sure you're not being annoying/clingy/cold/psycho and therefore scaring guys off the next morning.

ladhrann

Hi OP

Like most other posters, I think you need to get away from the pub/clun scene. Nothing is going to happen there, I think, and you aren't going to be even able to talk to someone. If you work in the equine industry, do you ride, or showjump? Or maybe you could join the Hunt in your county?

In regard to the general question on how men regard prettier women or what have you, I can only speak from my own experience. If you look down the page in Relationship Issues you will see a thread called 'Intimidated by Irish women', with some of the male side of approaching females.

Sometimes very pretty girls look a bit unreal and unapproachable. And in my experience, they have been very cold in conversation, so I for one just don't bother anymore.

pwd

VaioCruiser wrote: »

I cannot believe this has been suggested .... you have a load of personality and intellectually challenged guys in your town ... so YOU must change your life to suit them ? ....



All the best.

You are not the colour of your hair.
Annoying w@nky remarks annoy me.

winking weber

Hey OP, I'm in a similar enough boat to you minus the fabulous looks. Outgoing, successful, horsy, in a small town. I can tell you the scene aint that great for us plain girls either. I cannot think of even one guy living in my town whom I'd be interested in. Most young people have left and the young men who are there, never did leave for college or anything else, which I find a turnoff.

I've been asked out a couple of times by guys from work but dont meet anyone outside that sphere. I'm hoping the hunting season and joining a riding club will open that up a bit.

LegacyUser

winking weber wrote: »

Hey OP, I'm in a similar enough boat to you minus the fabulous looks. Outgoing, successful, horsy, in a small town. I can tell you the scene aint that great for us plain girls either. I cannot think of even one guy living in my town whom I'd be interested in. Most young people have left and the young men who are there, never did leave for college or anything else, which I find a turnoff.

I've been asked out a couple of times by guys from work but dont meet anyone outside that sphere. I'm hoping the hunting season and joining a riding club will open that up a bit.

Did you not leave for college either???? Maybe the guys are turned off by that too!

winking weber

Unregistered wrote: »

Did you not leave for college either???? Maybe the guys are turned off by that too!

Course I did. Only moved back a year ago after ten away.

ladylouise

ah girl don,t feel down your a good looking girl,and world at your feet most girls love to be stunner like you.well may you should dress down like jumper ,jeans ,tackles, hair in pony tail and no make up and see who approaches you.it look normal girl instead of supermodel.

may be i didn,t answer the correct.way my answer ok.

LegacyUser

I kind of get what you're saying winking weber in regards to the guys in small towns.

My friends say I may be a target for these guys because I have made a success of my life, travelled with my previous job a lot, etc and because the majority of the men who treat me so cheaply have never left home, not seen much of the world, other cultures, etc they just want to knock down someone who seems to have their life so together and experienced the world a wee bit.

I've decided it's definately their immaturity and petty jealousy that is the issue here not my looks or my personality.

AARRRGH

Getting Tired wrote:

I've decided it's definately their immaturity and petty jealousy that is the issue here not my looks or my personality.

I'm sorry I have to say this, but if the same issue keeps repeating itself, the problem is YOU.

It's like women who keep ending up with bastards. The problem is these women are specifically picking bad man. It's not that they're unlucky. It's something the women are doing subconsciously.

So if you are noticing a pattern of negative incidents in your life, study your own behaviour before blaming anyone else.

The fact that no man wants to be in a relationship with you means you are either picking dodgy men or you are scaring men off. It's one of the other. Either way, it's your fault.

VaioCruiser

Getting Tired wrote: »

I kind of get what you're saying winking weber in regards to the guys in small towns.

My friends say I may be a target for these guys because I have made a success of my life, travelled with my previous job a lot, etc and because the majority of the men who treat me so cheaply have never left home, not seen much of the world, other cultures, etc they just want to knock down someone who seems to have their life so together and experienced the world a wee bit.

I've decided it's definately their immaturity and petty jealousy that is the issue here not my looks or my personality.

I agree with you 100%. It's a kind of small town inverse snobbery. They persuade themselves they can look down on you because you are 'better' than them... you made a success and you are good looking. How 'dare you !

Having read all of this thread I suggest that the best thing for you is a complete change of scenery !! Move to another bigger town as soon as you possibly can and start again. You will bring all you have learnt with you and find that you will become just another attractive girl.

All the best !