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Do most men view above average looking girls as sex objects?
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13-08-2009 10:30pm#1
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Eh... previous poster... I don't where that come from.... nothing in the OP's post suggests that she should get preferential treatment over other women... she was just wondering if all men see good-looking girls as sex objects.... perhaps read it again ????
OP... I had a huge crush, back in my teens - I'm 30 now - on a local girl. To me she was a vision.... Perfection.... Hand-crafted by a higher power.... I actually became good friends with her.... It wasn't real friendship in that I was besotted by her for a while....
Anyway - what I learned from getting to know her was:
I do not envy really beautiful women because :
1. Men DO judge them purely on looks INITIALLY and they become a target for every local Player... they also become a lust object for loads of local nice guys - and these nice guys can become quite pestersome- in a nice but boring way
2. They are often quite isolated. Why? Because other women can be jeaous/feel threatened/feel outshone..... It takes a woman who is truly comfortable in her own skin to be good friends with a stunning woman and not have issues with not being as beautiful.... at least when teenagers.... Teenage girls can be quite vicious....
Anyhow.... what about doing some work on your general well-being/self esteem.... or doing something that focused on your skills/personality like drama classes or the like.... and then men will see you for your talent and not just for your looks....
Good Luck !
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Unregistered wrote: »I hate when men post something like this as if we always choose the bas*****.
I am in the same boat, told I am pretty and just out of a relationship, but I never get a guy come over and chat me up. Last week my friends husband told me that my looks and my classy dress sense put men off as they feel I would be out of their league!!!
I mean come on - just cause I make an effort to look nice when I go out. it seems we are dammed when we do and dammed when we dont. The only guys who will approach a pretty girl are the outgoing ones and yeah maybe they are the players too....hence the B****** comment.
And yeah, I know, some will comment here that the girls can do the chatting up too, but I am a bit traditional and too shy to appraoch someone I would be srious about.
Anyway, just my tuppence worth
Well.... I suggest it may be you who is doing the unfair damning ... I think you should reflect on what you are saying and consider what it is like for guys whom you expect to make the running when you effectively 'hide' behind your supposed shyness ... no offense ... but you can't have it both ways.
It is tough, really tough, to approach women when you don't know which one's will blow you off with a withering dismissive response that shatter your confidence and cut you to the quik. Women are often extremely thoughtless and cruel when they are approached and then complain about guys not approaching them and about men needing to drink before they go out
All the best.0 -
Soul Stretcher wrote: »Anyway - what I learned from getting to know her was:
I do not envy really beautiful women because :
1. Men DO judge them purely on looks INITIALLY and they become a target for every local Player... they also become a lust object for loads of local nice guys - and these nice guys can become quite pestersome- in a nice but boring way
2. They are often quite isolated. Why? Because other women can be jeaous/feel threatened/feel outshone..... It takes a woman who is truly comfortable in her own skin to be good friends with a stunning woman and not have issues with not being as beautiful.... at least when teenagers.... Teenage girls can be quite vicious....
Anyhow.... what about doing some work on your general well-being/self esteem.... or doing something that focused on your skills/personality like drama classes or the like.... and then men will see you for your talent and not just for your looks....
I think those issues are only relevant to teenagers tbh.
1. Everyone's one initial judgement is based on looks. Most mature men (I'm talking 24/25+) here want a personality to back it up. They players can recognise when that good looking girl doesn't have much else going on upstairs, and she won't be seen as anything other than a sex object, because they just don't want anything else from her.
2. Seriously, you think that other women can't be friends with good looking women without feeling jealous/threathened or outshone. Don't be so riduculous. Did the OP mention any problem with having friends?
I am considered quite good looking... I wouldn't be so silly to say above average because quite frankly I don't think anyone is, just some of us are better at making the most of ourselves. I have a great group of friends, some of who are just good looking, others who just aren't as into their image. We have no issues between us, some nights I'll have men fawing over me, another night it'll be another girl who is getting all the attention, we don't get jealous of each other, we're happy for each other.0 -
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This is certainly true. They have to get used to being the focus of men's attention, men of ALL ages, and learn to deflect in a way that most women never have to.Soul Stretcher wrote: »I do not envy really beautiful women because :
1. Men DO judge them purely on looks INITIALLY and they become a target for every local Player... they also become a lust object for loads of local nice guys - and these nice guys can become quite pestersome- in a nice but boring way
I have known some beautiful women though, and it has regularly surprised me at how patient and understanding and kind most of them have been toward men. I think that they learned the wisdom over the years and learned something elemental about men and women along the way. The ones who did not were some of the truest b*t*hes I have ever known. I guess it's not surprising.
This is also so true. Women can be each other's worst enemy and women are far far more subtle and cunning in their resentment and jealousy than men ever can be. Beautiful women are often far more isolated from fellow women.2. They are often quite isolated. Why? Because other women can be jeaous/feel threatened/feel outshone..... It takes a woman who is truly comfortable in her own skin to be good friends with a stunning woman and not have issues with not being as beautiful.... at least when teenagers.... Teenage girls can be quite vicious....
To the OP .. I would hope that you will not grow to resent men's attention. That you will appreciate the gift you have been given, and maybe start to learn/stufy more about how men and women interact on an elemental level, how men and women communicate and express themselves in different languages - and become comfortable in the skin you have been given.
All the best.0 -
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I find it interesting and sad that we now have two posts above, from women, knocking the girl for how she dresses, for being beautiful and insinuating it is her fault for somehow dressing to the nines ? in massive high heels ? trying to 'emulate' women in magazines ?
Where in the OP's posts does this come from ? Where is there any evidence she either does any of this ... or why on earth should she not do this ?
I suggest that as mentioned earlier in the thread, women are often other women's worst enemy. Jealousy and b*tch*iness is something beautiful women have to deal with all the time.
To OP - Don't look to other women for support
All the best.0 -
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Hi OP.
Years back I used to go out with a group of girls and one of them was ridiciously good looking & she never really got chatted up. I could never understand it. My boyfriend at the time told me that she just looked really unapproachable and that I seemed very approachable and therefore got chatted up more etc.
These days I tend to go out with two of my friends mostly, both of them really good looking and both with terrific personalities. We just have a laugh when we are out and if someone comes over to our group we tend to have the craic with them, player or regular guy it doesn't matter. If anything, the guys tend to want the girl's numbers to take them out on a date etc.
I reckon that because you are in a small town, you could just be a "prize" between the lads but you shouldn't let it get to you because none of them are probably worth it. I say, have a bit of fun with it. Give the "players" as good as they get and soon it will be known that you are not into that type of guy and you might have a good time while doing it.
Hope all goes well 0 -
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VaioCruiser wrote: »I find it interesting and sad that we now have two posts above, from women, knocking the girl for how she dresses, for being beautiful and insinuating it is her fault for somehow dressing to the nines ? in massive high heels ? trying to 'emulate' women in magazines ?
Where in the OP's posts does this come from ? Where is there any evidence she either does any of this ... or why on earth should she not do this ?
I suggest that as mentioned earlier in the thread, women are often other women's worst enemy. Jealousy and b*tch*iness is something beautiful women have to deal with all the time.
To OP - Don't look to other women for support
All the best.
Knocking her for looking her best? No. Knocking her for being good-looking? Reread my post. I find it interesting that a man presumes I'm jealous of a woman just because she's beautiful. Bizarre. You've never met me and you've never met the OP....how in God's name I could be jealous of woman I never met is beyond me. I don't hate other women...I'm not that kind of chick so you're waaaaay off the mark there, buddy. Don't presume I am by default JUST because I'm a woman. I happen to be good-looking AND pretty comfortable with how I look so I really have no need to be jealos. If I am jealous at all, I'd be more envious of a woman who hold the attention of men with more than just their looks. Women who are good-looking AND have the personality to match (the kind of women men fall in love with and not just want for a shag) are usually the ones women hate, tbh and good-looking women are a dime a dozen.
My point was that some women seem stand-offish because they're so self-conscious because they're uncomfortable with fussing over being so polished and preened with what they're wearing and how beautiful they are.....they're too aware of this...and I'm only speculating and wondering maybe this might be something the OP picked up from modeling. There's "dressing to the nines" and not being comfortable with how you look (don't tell me you don't see it) and looking absolutely gorgeous but comfortable. BIg difference and I was throwing it out there wondering if this was the case with the OP.
I went to a wedding a few years ago and I probably looked the best I ever looked in my life and I knew it. I was primed and preened and dressed to within an inch of my life. Men were checking me out, I felt uncomfortable, I looked uncomfortable, men picked up on this and even though I looked hot, hotter than I would on an average night out, not one of them approached me.
THIS is my point. Don't throw me in the b*tchy female brigade because I'm giving a female perspective.
Anyway, she's not trying to pull women, she's trying to pull men so clearly women are not the only ones doing the judging.0 -
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VaioCruiser wrote: »I find it interesting and sad that we now have two posts above, from women, knocking the girl for how she dresses, for being beautiful and insinuating it is her fault for somehow dressing to the nines ? in massive high heels ? trying to 'emulate' women in magazines ?
Where in the OP's posts does this come from ? Where is there any evidence she either does any of this ... or why on earth should she not do this ?
I suggest that as mentioned earlier in the thread, women are often other women's worst enemy. Jealousy and b*tch*iness is something beautiful women have to deal with all the time.
To OP - Don't look to other women for support
All the best.
She mentioned she was a model and into fashion....0 -
Hi OP.
Maybe you answered your own question - but it could just be down to where you are - small town - small town mentality.
Vaio also made some great suggestions - not sure if you are doing this - but meeting someone involved in something you love is so much better. Just think of all the barriers that are immediately knocked down - you already have something to talk about so that awkward stage is already gone
One thing else I suggested elsewhere is maybe you can appear more approachable to other guys if they see you smiling and laughing more. I know it might be hard if you are steeling yourself to be approached by a player but you never know.
Also feel free to make the first move; even just eye contact and a nice smile - might give someone a nice boost - maybe enough to gain the courage to talk to you, or you could just talk to them....
At the end of the day though - if you are circulating in places where there are only shallow gits that is all you will meet.0 -
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Well, speaking as a non-above-average looking person (strangely lonely for us types in this thread :rolleyes:), I think if someone's first post/impression is about how they're dressed, their looks etc, I don't think they should be too surprised when men are looking only skin deep. If you only present yourself as being "popular" and "fashionable", what are guys supposed to think of you? Why don't you put across your intelligence or hobbies etc etc? Are you chatty friendly etc?
I find this a particularly unhelpful post. It's not a dating site here. She wasn't selling herself on Boards.ie ! just describing aspects of herself to set the scene for her question. Especially those aspect which are, it seems, causing the problems by intimidating men. What on earth is wrong with being popular ? and fashionable ? as opposed to being unpopular and grunge-like ? 0 -
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VaioCruiser wrote: »I find this a particularly unhelpful post. It's not a dating site here. She wasn't selling herself on Boards.ie ! just describing aspects of herself to set the scene for her question. Especially those aspect which are, it seems, causing the problems by intimidating men. What on earth is wrong with being popular ? and fashionable ? as opposed to being unpopular and grunge-like ?
What is her basis for thinking these aspects are what are causing the problems. Also I don't see any evidence to suggest men are intimidated by her at all, in fact quite the opposite, they are all trying to get her into bed.
It's quite obvious that the girl either thinks she has nothing else going for her but her looks OR she thinks that that is the only thing that is important.
Fact is just because she doesn't see beyond them doesn't mean others don't.
There is any number of reasons she could be seen as a sex object. She could be the town bike (easy) or a complete frigid (a challenge). She could be a complete bitch or very shy and retiring.
I think bluewolf(and many others) are trying to get her to realise that her looks are not the only thing that need to be considered here.0 -
VaioCruiser wrote: »I find this a particularly unhelpful post. It's not a dating site here. She wasn't selling herself on Boards.ie ! just describing aspects of herself to set the scene for her question. Especially those aspect which are, it seems, causing the problems by intimidating men. What on earth is wrong with being popular ? and fashionable ? as opposed to being unpopular and grunge-like ?
Oh get off your high horse VaioCruiser!! No one (and even us jealous women lurking the background with our warty noses and fat backsides ) is saying there's anything wrong with being popular or beautiful...they're two very desirable attributes in a person but posters are saying that this is not the be all and end all for a man looking to start a relationship with a girl as opposed to just sleeping with her. She's no problem it seems attracting men to sleep with her, it's keeping them that she has the problem with.
She seemed to put a lot of emphasis on her looks in her first post and nothing else. People are going on first impressions and we can only give her advice based on what she's written. Nobody is jealous or bitter here as nobody actually knows the girl or has seen what she looks like. Men are clearly judging her as well based on her looks if all they want to do is sleep with her.
The OP asked, "Why, when a girl is good looking, dresses fashionably and is reasonably popular do men treat her as just an object to be "had"? In fairness, this is not the case...these are the kinds of women who get the men in my experience...maybe not always the good guys but good taste in clothes and everything else doesn't always equate to good taste in men. HOWEVER these women usually have something more...they have an attractive personality to go with their looks or at least to their OHs...they have that "Je ne se quoi" and people are merely playing devils advocate by asking her if she's showing her personality instead of attracting men with looks alone...how can we answer the question posed..."Why am I not meeting boyfriends?".. if all she's told us is that she's good-looking, dresses fashionably and was a former model?0 -
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If you dye your hair blonde, you could change it to natural colour or brown. This would change the attitudes of a lot of guys to you I believe. (not messing)
I cannot believe this has been suggested .... you have a load of personality and intellectually challenged guys in your town ... so YOU must change your life to suit them ? ....
All the best.0 -
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Best of Luck OP...
I don't know if this is practical... but maybe a couple of months away from your home town would do you a world of good ??
See the world... engage with men in different cultures..... give you a fresh outlook and recharge your batteries...
Maybe even a 2 week holiday somewhere totally different to your home town...
You never know.... there really could be a gem of a man in your area... but your paths aren't crossing.... or your disappointment in the men in your area is closing your mind to new opportunites... maybe you can't see the wood for the trees at the moment....
I come from a middling size town which is nearly always looked down on... by outsiders and locals alike !!!
But you know what... I think it is a great place ! No... it isn't perfect... but it has a lot going for it which a lot of other people don't seem able to see... I'm single and I'm always pleasantly surprised by the many hot women I see about the place of all nationalities..
If all else fails, pm me and we'll go on a date - I won't be insecure about your georgeousness... when I've stopped drooling that is !! (just kidding) 0 -
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