Who do you confide in?

Raze_them_all

Ok this is my first thread I've started here, If mods don't like it feel free to delete:)

Ok a friend was ringing me upset last night as she usually does when she's upset.

It got me thinking do women look more towards their male or female friends when they seriously need someone to confide in or a shoulder to cry on? Or are you like me and keep it bottled inside?

In my experience alot of my female friends come to me when they are upset as they know I don't judge anybody, I keep quite only talking when it's needed so they can get anything they want out and that whatever they tell me will be kept between them and myself even if I get really pissed off and will not talk to them, which in my experience women will not do when they have a serious falling out.

So who do you confide in when your upset?


*doh made a mistake with the poll hid the results cos i thought everyone could see what usernames picked what, is there a way to fix that??

Lia_lia

The internet

shellyboo

It depends on what the problem is I think... it's not a case of male or female for me, it's a case of who will understand my particular problem the best. I can think of six very close friends that I've confided different things to at different times, but I trust all my friends totally... I'd have no problem confiding in any of them.

Novella

I dunno, no one anymore.


I just sleep nowadays or drive it off.

skywards

I talk to my ponies (they don't talk back, hell yes!), my friends and family always turn to me. Which generally equals 3 am phone calls with "OH MY GOD THE BASTARD BROKE UP WITH MEEE *sobhiccup*.


*bangsheadondesk*

Snowie

A few people really, who I can trust/talk a girl who I had a brief fling with, but it ened because we where going to different parts of the world she doesnt mind me yaping but she yaps to me about her problems to so it works booth ways

minidazzler

I don't confide in anyone, I am a bottler.. I am the person all my friends tend to confide in if they have something.

Not so much my female friends anymore because I haven't been hanging out with any of them as much as I used to. But when I was then I was the person they came to with problems both to confide in and for me to sort them out if they needed sorting.

MizzLolly

The poll needs more options. Depending on the type of problem, I confide in different people.

If you need simple, rational, calming advice, then talk to a man.


If you want someone to have your back and pass judgement/verdict on whoever upset you, then talk to a woman!

silvervixen84

Its only recently that i've started confided in my best friends, i'm more of a listener. Even with the best intentions, some friends cant keep things to themselves, so i'm usually selective in what i reveal to people.

Das Kitty

I really only confide in my husband. I'm a pretty open person so I don't really have too many confidences to share, all my friends know pretty much everything about me but the odd few things I do have only my husband shares them. I have no secrets from him, we met when I was 19, suppose I didn't have that much time for skeletons.

banshee_bones

Different people for different problems. some people will be able to relate better to what you happen to be going through at that particular moment.

lizzyvera

Friends are friends- does it matter if they're male or female?
My best friends and my boyfriend are male, so I suppose male friends. It's not BECAUSE they're male though. They're not often upset and neither am I. I don't remember the last time I was upset about something personal. Exam stress and pets dying would be the main things that have upset me, but I could tell anyone about that.

I'd talk to my parents if it was very serious- financial or illness- because they are sensible.

I've noticed a few of you are bottlers, do you think you're more likely to encounter bottlers in an internet forum? Are you over-represented here or do you think there are that many bottlers?

Novella

lizzyvera wrote: »

I've noticed a few of you are bottlers, do you think you're more likely to encounter bottlers in an internet forum? Are you over-represented here or do you think there are that many bottlers?

Don't think you're anymore likely to find them on the internet than you are of finding anybody else really! It's not like I use the internet to vent or anything.

Pythia

My boyfriend. We are each other's best friend and know everything about each other.

Tar.Aldarion

A few girls I know would come to me, men no, they don't do that. Used to be gf, I'll keep it bottled up to myself now or use internet people.

beks101

I'm pretty open these days, all my close friends would know pretty much everything, but for anything really personal and difficult, it'd be my Mum or a best friend from childhood.

My Mum always knows the right thing to do (don't they all??) and my best friend will give me a nice and generally harsh dose of realism. Which every girl could do with every now and again!

I've been playing the role of agony aunt a lot lately actually, it's no bloody fun!! :mad:

minidazzler

While I am a bottler, I do actually confide on the Internet, or I used to, even just to vent I use things like PI and Fmylife just to get it out of my system.

Corb

Bit of a mixture. Depends on the situation. Often I turn to online (probably the most!) whether it's friends online or a PI type of forum. Sometimes my boyfriend, friends. Or sometimes I bottle it in. It depends on what the problem is, how bad it is and what kind of mood I'm in really.

itsallaboutheL

For A while i confided in my Friend Jack (Daniels) discovered it is an incredibly unhealthy practice, but i'm lucky to have a few people to whom i could tell pretty much anything.

Whati don't like is people pressuring you to talk.... IMO sometimes it's better not to!

Faith

Generally my female friends. It's not because they're female, it's because they're closest to me. It used to be my mum, but recently she's started giving answers I don't want and assuming things are my fault (Me: "My bf cancelled plans and I'm really annoyed"; Her: "Are you sure he's not trying to tell you something?" Rubbish like that that does nothing but dent my self esteem). My boyfriend is great, but only as a listener usually, and I prefer an interactive session when I'm unloading. So it falls to whichever female friend is closest. It helps that they all know me so well, and I don't need to explain history. I used have male friends I'd confide in, but I've mostly drifted from them. I'd have no problem confiding in my current male friends if it was appropriate though.

tribulus

Pythia wrote: »

My boyfriend. We are each other's best friend and know everything about each other.

Same, except replace boyfriend with girlfriend.

MissIT

I used to bottle things up for years but it's not good for you, so now i talk about things (most of the time anyway).

I clicked female friends but i honestly trust my males friends as much as the girls.

PhysiologyRocks

If the problem can be fixed but I haven't found the solution, I'll talk to someone, sometimes male, sometimes female, in the hope of working something out.

If it can't be fixed and is very minor, I won't bother.

If it can't be fixed and is a significant problem, I'll tell whoever will be able to help me analyse and accept the situation.

Male or female, in my experience, has little bearing on how they will help, but that may just reflect on the people I know and not the general public.

liah

My dogs, but they've been out of my life for a year now as I've been out of my country.

Outside of that, nobody, really. I don't trust people all that much, at least, it's rare that I'd let anyone see me vulnerable. I've no problem telling people things, though. They're two different things to me.

Will

I keep things to myself usually, il talk it out with myself in my head, try to rationalise it and try to understand why I'm upset/angry/whatever. If that doesn't work I go on a long walk, or go to bed early.

I do chat to some people about stuff, the other night i was venting to a mate via msn, was helpful. It's different doing it behind a computer screen though since you're physically removed from the person your talking to and tbh i probably wouldn't do it in person.

Novella

Will wrote: »

It's different doing it behind a computer screen though since you're physically removed from the person your talking to and tbh i probably wouldn't do it in person.

Yeah, totally agree.
If I am going to tell someone something it'll be on msn or whatever and it probably won't even be a close friend! It would just be that I happened to be talking to whoever and it poured out.

I really only tell people things when I absolutely can't deal with them not knowing anymore. If that makes sense.

Kiith

I'm definitly a bottler. Never really talk to anyone about things that are bothering me. I'd tend to try and resolve it myeslf, which usually works. If something is really really bothering me, i'll go to the gym and near kill myself on the treadmill. I find a good power run can be great to clear/organise your thoughts.

MrPatMustard

Mates, thats why there are your mates!

TimTim

I'll bottle things up but once or twice I've written stuff down just to try clear it out of my head. I then burn the page to make sure nobody else sees it.

Clank

About 3/4 of my close friends, both male and female, but there's even stuff they don't know and ive known some of them 10 years!

Cookie Jar

Will wrote: »

I keep things to myself usually, il talk it out with myself in my head, try to rationalise it and try to understand why I'm upset/angry/whatever. If that doesn't work I go on a long walk, or go to bed early.

I do chat to some people about stuff, the other night i was venting to a mate via msn, was helpful. It's different doing it behind a computer screen though since you're physically removed from the person your talking to and tbh i probably wouldn't do it in person.

My exact reply... althou I would go on a long walk.. I just blare my music and get lost in my thoughts. Or read a book to take my mind things!

Stheno

Novella wrote: »

I dunno, no one anymore.


I just sleep nowadays or drive it off.

Novella wrote: »

Yeah, totally agree.
If I am going to tell someone something it'll be on msn or whatever and it probably won't even be a close friend! It would just be that I happened to be talking to whoever and it poured out.

I really only tell people things when I absolutely can't deal with them not knowing anymore. If that makes sense.

Similiar here I'm older than many on here and have learned to trust my gut, I tend to go for a long drive and think things true.

Occasionally I'll chat things through with one close friend via msn

SeekUp

Will wrote: »

I keep things to myself usually, il talk it out with myself in my head, try to rationalise it and try to understand why I'm upset/angry/whatever.

I tend to have conversations with myself where I try to explain myself to myself and see if I actually make sense. I usually talk myself out.

Ive typically been a bottler, but I'll usually confide in my best friend or my boyfriend . . . and, as someone mentioned, if it was a serious problem where I needed guidance more than just to vent, my parents used to be high on the list.

Fugly

I guess now I'm a bottler, previously I'm confided in friends, mostly males and my ex bf and due to it being thrown back in my face/used against me, not by all just enough to smarten me up a bit, it all stays in my head where I discuss it. replacing sleep! :rolleyes: it works for me!

Tar.Aldarion

She confides in me really! /waves at fugly

Fugly

//drops head to hands// Tar I do no and I will not sleep with you and the restraining order states you must keep a (post) distance of ten!

Tar.Aldarion

It's ok, is he getting to you, you can confide in me you know.


rap broke restraining order, gonna have to confide in my parole officer.

Manic Moran

I take the 'guy' mentality.

If it's something that I don't want people to know, I don't tell anyone. If it's something that I don't mind other people knowing, I'll tell anyone/everyone.

NTM (Interloper)

Crumble Froo

back when i lived in ireland, i could probably talk to most of my mates (mostly male) about most things.... but the two people i could turn to about anything, one was male and one was female.

over here in nz, i find that the mates ive sorta got around me, the dudes are more likely to just listen, nod, and offer practical advice to help me feel better (invariably that i just need to go for a surf and get it out of my system...), while the chicks are more likely to worry, or have a bit reaction, and help me figure out *how* to deal with the problem itself.

depending on my mood, i can go to either, really, but lately would tend to go to the females more often, just cos i need to go around in circles with the whole situation for a while, i need to discuss it, more than just be listened to.

MJOR

I used to tell my friends everything but lately I'll keep things a bit closer.:P I guess my OH is the one I confide in the most these days but some things I like to keep inside because they seem irrational. Sometimes then i'll go to my parents grave and think it thru (prob makes me sound like a right old looneycake but i'm not i promise).

I suppose it depends on the problem

Seraphina

I used to be able to confide in people, but since I moved to England, I've become a complete bottler. There's just no one around I feel I can trust or anyone who I really think cares enough.

I used to chat to my (ex) best friend in Ireland, but she basically dumped me for a guy (and its not the first time) and I am feeling very isolated and lonely recently, and having a hard time dealing with it.

I don't feel like I can bother some of my 'new' friends with my problems, as it doesn't feel like we're close enough? I don't know, but its very frustrating

Faith

Seraphina wrote: »

I used to be able to confide in people, but since I moved to England, I've become a complete bottler. There's just no one around I feel I can trust or anyone who I really think cares enough.

I used to chat to my (ex) best friend in Ireland, but she basically dumped me for a guy (and its not the first time) and I am feeling very isolated and lonely recently, and having a hard time dealing with it.

I don't feel like I can bother some of my 'new' friends with my problems, as it doesn't feel like we're close enough? I don't know, but its very frustrating

I found that a lot when I moved to Edinburgh. Even after 4 years there, there were very very few people that I could talk to when I was upset, namely my flatmate. I had plenty of friends who I could talk to about middle-of-the-road issues, usually when I was angry, but only a couple who I'd say to, "I feel really upset" or whatever.

I don't have any advice to give you, I'm afraid. I hope it gets better for you though.

almostnever

I'm a total bottler. Even though it's something I'm conscious of,frankly I don't trust any of my friends enough to talk to them about things. Tried to tell one of my friends something about a year back,and of course she had to tell her best friend (a mutual friend of ours,who in actuality disliked me as did I her) and I kind of just gave up then when she told people. I hate this mentality of saying "oh,I won't tell anyone", but really just doing it strategically so that you don't find out. In the end you usually hear it from someone else and bang goes the trust. If you say you won't tell anyone, then don't!

This is all coming from someone who just turned 17 though,so maybe that situation is unique to schools and such,I really wouldn't know. I just prefer to deal with things myself,I can rely on myself but not others. I'm rambling. Basically I bottle things up

Clare Bear

Boyfriend, brother, friends, mother, online, keep it to myself....depends on a lot of things and what the problem is.

pikachucheeks

I'm really, really lucky that I have a lot of very decent, caring people in my life who have no problem listening to my problems and helping me

To chose a gender, I'd say I discuss my problems more with females, over males, but this is simply because I have more female friends and my closest friends, at present, are female.

My close friends, I'll confide in them about anything and everything.
I love them and I trust them, so I have no problem opening up and asking them for help, when I need it. I also have a very supportive family, so I ask them for advice too.

My mum's a nurse, which comes in handy for health issues. She's also fantastic at listening to me moan about my lovelife - something I've only opened up to her about in the past few months. My dad's a Church of Ireland canon, so I can discuss faith with him, even though we both keep our beliefs very private. Both my parents, I confide in regarding my future and my career.

I suppose I confide in different people, regarding different areas of my life. Some people are lucky enough to be burdened with all my issues

allabouteve

I keep things to myself and mostly try to deal with them alone.

I've a few friends I could confide in about most things, but again, I'd sooner keep it to myself.

I could confide anything in my best friend, and know it goes no further. Just knowing that is often enough.

phasers

My mam.

Lorrs33

I have mostly guy friends (I'm a girl) and so I confide in them mostly, and my boyfriend, of course. But sometimes I either post it online, write it in my diary or just bottle it up. Some things are easier to confide than others.

cHaTbOx

I confide in honest trustworthy people , I don't care about sex of the person. I am a bit cautious about who I trust since , a friend spread things to my then girlfriend , but I know a lot more about her and I would never utter a word.

I believe I am quite trustworthy and would anything ever said to me in trust , I would hate myself if I did.

Chinafoot

Complete and utter bottler.

Always expected to be the one who listens and it gets to a point where I don't feel that anyone has the time to listen to anything going on with me. With the exception of my boyfriend there are very, very few people that I would confide in. People can be so wrapped up in their own stuff that they can't really see beyond that. But thats ok I guess.

It can be hard sometimes because if there is a serious problem thats stressing me I bottle it to the point of explosion. If I feel like I'm being backed into a corner about something it just all comes out. Then I get "why don't you ever talk about things?" Makes me want to scream. I don't talk about things because you don't listen if its not about you. There's one person in particular in my life that I find very hard to deal with when it comes to stuff like this. Life for them is one big drama and every conversation is about this person and the latest crap going on. They never, ever listen to anything anyone else says, even just in normal non-moaning conversation. They're one of these people that wait til you stop talking, ignore what you've said, and then continue talking about themselves. Does my head in.

It is a problem that I have, and I do need to open up more and talk about stuff when its happening instead of leaving it fester and then erupting. I'm working on it. The other half is a huge help and I trust him with absolutely anything.

valery

TRUST NO ONE :cool:, QUEUE MORE X FILES MUSIC. NA NA NA NA NA NA :cool: