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Yet Another Breakup Thread

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    #32
    MJOR
    Registered Users Posts: 1,796 ✭✭✭MJOR


    Cut contact and move on. There is nothing more head wrecking than this kinda stuff. It'll be hard but worth it. You need to look out for yourself. She cannot have it both ways


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    #33
    Salome
    Closed Accounts Posts: 570 ✭✭✭Salome


    She really didn't feel as strongly about you as you did about her. She's moved on. You're not listening to the advice you're getting here as I think you want to wallow in the pain of the break-up. You've got to realise that she's over you - there probably wasn't much to get over on her part tbh as you were only together for 6 months. Can you not see this?

    Your dignity is slowly disappearing - stop this now and wake up to reality. I'm sorry if you find this harsh but you need to realise how easily she's moved on - does this not speak volumes to you?


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    #34
    peekyboo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭peekyboo


    Salome wrote: »
    She really didn't feel as strongly about you as you did about her. She's moved on. You're not listening to the advice you're getting here as I think you want to wallow in the pain of the break-up. You've got to realise that she's over you - there probably wasn't much to get over on her part tbh as you were only together for 6 months. Can you not see this?

    Your dignity is slowly disappearing - stop this now and wake up to reality. I'm sorry if you find this harsh but you need to realise how easily she's moved on - does this not speak volumes to you?

    OP i feel for you, I really do. But I agree with Salome above. When people are in this situation they like to take whatever scraps of hope are available to convince themselves that the person is coming back to them. If she wanted to be with you then she would be. Simple as that. You need to cut contact because it is hurting you not her.


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    #35
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,075 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    There are two of you in this at this stage. It seems she needs to have you in her life for any number of reasons. Residual guilt over the breakup, emotional support, ego boost, safety net, etc and from what you've posted here she has been consistently pushing your buttons to keep this going with her continued and sounds like instigated by her contact. This is not good for you, so either she has little insight about this, is selfish or actually thinks she's helping, or a little from column A B and C. She'll likely keep doing it too.

    Then there's you. You're in emotional panic and withdrawal. She's drip feeding you the drug that is her and you want that rather than go cold turkey. This is not healthy for you either, but you have the advantage and the power in this dynamic. You can stop it.

    Take that power you have and use it. Stop texting her. Stop replying to her calls. Simply don't answer. If you have already told her you want to break contact and you keep replying, what does that tell her? It tells her you're not a man of your word. It tells her you don't mean what you say and it tells her to keep going with it. As an aside and somewhat ironically, if you had any hope of getting back with her, this will kill it.

    So once again, tell her you cant have contact with her for the foreseeable future. Wish her well and end it. If she persists in contacting you, then don't take from that that she misses you and wants you back. Take from it that out of the above list, her selfish need for an emotional safety net trumps any concern she has for you. Trust me if she wanted you back this is not the usual way of going about it, though that's what you're hoping for.

    You have the power to stop this. You have the power to speed up your healing. You have the power to move on to a better more mutual relationship with someone else(and yourself). Use it.

    If you don't you will be back here in a months time still moping, still feeding her needs and your own and not one step down the road. Dopey people never learn from their mistakes, clever people do. Wise people learn from the mistakes of others. Then again, maybe this is a lesson for you, even if you keep doing this. I promise you, you'll look back and go WTF was I thinking, but as I say maybe it's one of these things you have to live through. Good luck anyway.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #36
    sunshine007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35 ✭sunshine007


    It is difficult to take advice from other people about these situations - as you listen to things that you 'want' to hear. Its because you are not ready to take on board the other stuff. If we all took the advice of others seriously when in this situation, then this thread would be really small. Each person's resistance levels are different depending on the situation/couple/closeness etc Its a tough time...as they say 'time is a great healer' Its not going to happen overnight. But.. they are right when they say cutting contact is the best thing to do - by cutting contact - you are cutting out the chance of those old feelings rising to the surface. You are lucky in a sence that its a long distance relationship as you dont have to worry about bumping into each other and presuming you dont share the same group of friends also makes it a million times better.

    You'll get there in the end.... no one ever said it was gonna be easy ;)


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