Whats in the closet..

Wazdakka

Ok..
There has been a bit of a funky smell in a corner of the office over the last few days.
I first noticed it on Monday morning when I came in but didn't really think too much of it.
Nothing too bad now, not an overpowering stench, but definitely unpleasant and noticeable.

Yesterday it was worse and other people did comment about it, But I figured hey..
It could just be one of the guys who cycled in and is a bit whiffy.

So in I come today and the smell is bloody awful, beyond the point of ignoring it awful.
So I do a bit of investigation and follow the smell to a storage room off the main floor.

I'm thinking old lunch, maybe a dead mouse..
Nope way off.

Somebody has taken a big crap right in the middle of the store cupboard.
:eek::eek::eek:
And this thing is massive,
It looks like a bloody cow pat... but with sweetcorn.

WTF???
I mean really..

I work in a pretty small engineering office,
There is normally about 5 of us here including the receptionist, and it's an open plan office.
There is a bloody door code to get into the building..

The property management company are based in one of the other buildings in the estate and we've rung them to send somebody down to "have a look at something"

I cant wait to see the look on his face.

PirateShampoo

To the security cameras Batman

Captain Darling

I dont think it's possible to 'dust' for crap.

WIZE

My hidden Gayness

Fink Goddie

LOL that story made me laugh!
The sh1t that goes on these days

FunkZ

Tom Cruise is in the closet!

Wazdakka

PirateShampoo wrote: »

To the security cameras Batman

There aren't any in the office.

The property management guy let out an almighty "What the Fcuk?" and then just started breaking himself laughing.

Were kind of hoping it's a reallly big dog's or something that the cleaner locked in the room when he was here..
But ...


Man what a weird Wednesday morning.

Captain Darling

FunkZ wrote: »

Tom Cruise is in the closet!

And now R Kelly is in there with him.

Get out of the closet Tom Cruise and R Kelly!!!!:D

Fink Goddie

Tom Cruise is so small he's in the drawer!

Captain Darling

Fink Goddie wrote: »

Tom Cruise is so small he's in the drawer!

Hmmm...

WindSock

Did you have any workmen in doing anything recently? Laying cable perhaps?

tman

WindSock wrote: »

Did you have any workmen in doing anything recently? Laying cable perhaps?

Funny looking cable!

Wazdakka

WindSock wrote: »

Did you have any workmen in doing anything recently? Laying cable perhaps?

Heh

Nah, we've no onsite sparks in this office,

Fink Goddie

Captain Darling wrote: »

Hmmm...

Ah but you couldnt help but comment because you loved it really

TheZohanS

There are 3 things it could be.

• Has anyone had an upset stomach lately?
• Are there any shenanigans going on between co-workers?
• Anyone get sacked lately/anyone about to get sacked?

phasers

Why did you feel the need to share this information with us?

Wazdakka

phasers wrote: »

Why did you feel the need to share this information with us?

Because I thought it was more interesting than most of the other threads on the go in AH at the moment

phasers

Wazdakka wrote: »

Because I thought it was more interesting than most of the other threads on the go in AH at the moment

You were wrong

Wazdakka

TheZohan wrote: »

There are 3 things it could be.

• Has anyone had an upset stomach lately?
• Are there any shenanigans going on between co-workers?
• Anyone get sacked lately/anyone about to get sacked?

Nope,
Nope,
And Nope..

Theres even a door key aswell as the code that only a few of us have,
so unless it happened when we were all here it must have been the cleaner on monday morning.

There is a toilet down the hall..
The mind boggels..

thomond2006

What's in my closet?

Eh... Shergar.

Abi

TheZohan wrote: »

[*]Anyone get sacked lately/anyone about to get sacked?
[/LIST]

That was going to be my first guess =P


The OP mentioned there aren't a lot of staff. Is there a uni-sex toilet? I've worked for car dealers before. One toilet, one big health risk. God love you if any of the lads were on the sauce the night before :rolleyes:

Maybe someone was caught short? When I say someone I mean a guy. I'd rather combust than sh1t in a cupboard

TheZohanS

Need to call the C.S.I. team...Closet Sh-- Investigation...

petes

Going for a crap in a closet!! Who in their right mind would do such a thing. OP will there be any repercussions?

ejmaztec

The phantom sh1tter strikes again!

Pighead

Abigayle wrote: »

Maybe someone was caught short? When I say someone I mean a guy. I'd rather combust than sh1t in a cupboard

The differences between a man and a women never cease to amaze Pighead.

Here we have a lady who professes to prefer death than to do a poo in a cupboard whereas Pighead would poo in a cupboard if someone offered him a mars bar for doing so. Guess it comes down to how happy you are with the shape of your bum at the end of the day.

ejmaztec

Insurgent wrote: »

Going for a crap in a closet!! Who in their right mind would do such a thing. OP will there be any repercussions?

Like the sh1t hitting the fan?

Captain Darling

Insurgent wrote: »

Going for a crap in a closet!! Who in their right mind would do such a thing. OP will there be any repercussions?

The sh1t will hit the fan.

Edit: Oh snap. Got beaten to it!

happyoutscan

Thanks for this! Has me laughing all morn.:D:D:D

Abi

Pighead wrote: »

Whereas Pighead would poo in a cupboard if someone offered him a mars bar for doing so.

Mars bar for a mars bar eh?

Guess it comes down to how happy you are with the shape of your bum at the end of the day.

Im rather happy with it actually.

pablomakaveli

I had a similar experience. I worked in the train station in Cork for a couple of summers and there was a portakabin near the taxi rank where we kept cleaning supplies . One day i went in there to get something and noticed there was a rotten smell but i could'nt figure out where it was coming from. This went on for a few days until i decided to try and find the source of the smell. I looked around inside the portakabin and then found that one of the boxes had a huge piece of **** on it.

I had to get someone to help me carry this box down to the skip. We pretty much ran with the box down to the skip as it was so disgusting it was making us gag.

We reckoned since the portakabin was next to the taxi rank that one of the taxi drivers was to lazy to walk to the toilets in the station and just went for a **** inside the portakabin.

Dirty bastard.

Wazdakka

Abigayle wrote: »

Is there a uni-sex toilet?:/

Nope, there's two..
And they're both spotlessly clean.

Insurgent wrote: »

OP will there be any repercussions?

Bloody will be If I catch them.
They took a crap in a cupboard 6ft from my desk ffs.

Pighead

Abigayle wrote: »

Im rather happy with it actually.

Good for you! As Pighead's Uncle Johnny used to say "They who are happy with their bum shall be happy shopping for trousers"

Sean Quagmire

If any of this offends you. Never go to Oxegen :pac:

Abi

Wazdakka wrote: »

Nope, there's two..
And they're both spotlessly clean.

You didnt make the cookie, did you? o_0

Aidric

Abigayle wrote: »

You didnt make the cookie, did you? o_0

The OP is clearly responsible for the dump. They have come on here looking for absolution and excuses.

trustno1

Abigayle wrote: »

You didnt make the cookie, did you? o_0

I was thinking the exact same thing... OP - are you sure it wasn't you and this thread being some way to relieve the guilt\shame???.. :pac:

ejmaztec

There's definitely scope for a Hollywood block-buster about a serial-sh1tter. Hannibal Defecator would be a good name for this monster.

IvyTheTerrible

Not just guys do this. A girl in my year at school (complete mentaller, all her brothers in prison etc) took a dump in the corner of our classroom one lunchtime.

PS this was in 2nd year of secondary school.

trustno1

ejmaztec wrote: »

There's definitely scope for a Hollywood block-buster about a serial-sh1tter. Hannibal Defecator would be a good name for this monster.

Who could star in 'Silence of the Stools...'.... oh and 'Man Dumper'....

ejmaztec

trustno1 wrote: »

Who could star in 'Silence of the Stools...'.... oh and 'Man Dumper'....

Or The Turd Man,


and even The Texas Sh1thouse Massacre

Dido1

trustno1 wrote: »

Who could star in 'Silence of the Stools...'.... oh and 'Man Dumper'....

Keano Reeves...he's a real SH!T actor.

Wazdakka

Abigayle wrote: »

You didnt make the cookie, did you? o_0

Make the cookie?? never heard it called that before..

Aidric wrote: »

The OP is clearly responsible for the dump. They have come on here looking for absolution and excuses.

trustno1 wrote: »

I was thinking the exact same thing... OP - are you sure it wasn't you and this thread being some way to relieve the guilt\shame???.. :pac:

Nah, not my style.
I'm more into crapping on peoples car windscreens.
Or under the bonnet if you can get it open.

Edit: Woo.. I broke 1000 posts...in a thread about poo in a closet...

trustno1

ejmaztec wrote: »

Or The Turd Man,


and even The Texas Sh1thouse Massacre

or The Excretionator....

thomond2006

trustno1 wrote: »

or The Excretionator....

OR sh1thead

trustno1

"Nah, not my style.
I'm more into crapping on peoples car windscreens.
Or under the bonnet if you can get it open."

Crapping on peoples car windscreens you say... hmmmm... may know someone who would like a word with you.... :pac:

ejmaztec

trustno1 wrote: »

or The Excretionator....

Don't you mean The Turdminator?:P

ScumLord

This is one of the many side effects when ever they turn on the Large Hadron Collider, it's causing all this crazy **** to happen. Your cupboard is now unfortunatley a interdimensional shitstorm hazard and everyone should evacuate the building as soon as possible before bigger smellier poos start appearing, this will continue to escalate until either multiple bonos start randomly popping into the office or until the scientists change the pressure flow in the LHC water cooling/sewage system.

I recommend you contact the LHC crowd straight away and explain the problem to them.

Wazdakka

ScumLord wrote: »

this will continue to escalate until multiple bonos start randomly popping into the office

:eek: DEAR GOD NO!!!


*Throws himself through the window.

Thephantomsmask

The lavatory-ville horror



Turd rock from the sun

aDeener

Wazdakka wrote: »

Ok..
There has been a bit of a funky smell in a corner of the office over the last few days.
I first noticed it on Monday morning when I came in but didn't really think too much of it.
Nothing too bad now, not an overpowering stench, but definitely unpleasant and noticeable.

Yesterday it was worse and other people did comment about it, But I figured hey..
It could just be one of the guys who cycled in and is a bit whiffy.

So in I come today and the smell is bloody awful, beyond the point of ignoring it awful.
So I do a bit of investigation and follow the smell to a storage room off the main floor.

I'm thinking old lunch, maybe a dead mouse..
Nope way off.

Somebody has taken a big crap right in the middle of the store cupboard.
:eek::eek::eek:
And this thing is massive,
It looks like a bloody cow pat... but with sweetcorn.

WTF???
I mean really..

I work in a pretty small engineering office,
There is normally about 5 of us here including the receptionist, and it's an open plan office.
There is a bloody door code to get into the building..

The property management company are based in one of the other buildings in the estate and we've rung them to send somebody down to "have a look at something"

I cant wait to see the look on his face.

could you estimate roughly how many courics you think this crap weighs?

you should probably get in contact with the European Fecal Standards and Measurement, their offices are located in zurich

Pyr0

I can't believe no one has said this already.

Pics or GTFO !