Why don't men approach women?

donster79

Dudess wrote: »

What if they were around the 40-ish mark?

Your constant emphasis on specifically 30 (your age) whenever you troll that stuff about women just makes it more and more obvious that a woman in your social circle screwed you over. Aw...

Or else you've seen every 30-year-old woman ever, which of course you haven't. By the way, you must be really grossed out by being bombarded by pictures of: Charlize Theron, Penelope Cruz, Shakira, Angelina Jolie, Rachel McAdams...

I haven't read this thread but plenty of men do approach women - how has it got to 700+ posts?

A pity that not too many Irish women maintain themselves as well as that group of fine ladies Dudess. Nobody screwed me over by the way but it pleases me to know that I have aroused your ire. I feel like there is some chemistry between us, do you..

Dudess

But wait! I thought being 30+ prevents a woman from looking good... Oh, but now it's their Irishness (because of course you've seen every single Irish woman of that age).

Ya gotta be clearer, donster!

donster79

I have not seen every Irish woman but I have seen a lot. Whatever the reason is I'm not sure but ye do seem to fall apart from 25ish on.

Anyway I was just pointing out that maybe the OP's friends were not really that hot and perhaps she was looking at them through tinted glasses. What her idea of what is sexy and appealing to men may not correspond with what we view as that.

A lot of Irish women could do with taking a trip across the water for a weekend to a lively city such as Liverpool, Newcastle or Manchester and see the throngs of fine women who are fun, friendly and sexy to pick up a tip or two.

Dudess

Seriously, 25 on is such ****ing bull****. It's certainly not the case if I go by my observations. You only pop up on Boards.ie to insult women of that age - and it's boring. Sure, plenty of women let themselves go but plenty don't. As for the stuff about English cities - I'd say there's not much difference between them and Ireland, to be fair. Similar ratios of orange for one.

donster79

Ok 25 might be a little harsh, but def 30 onwards see's a downward spiral. The fake tan thing might be true alright but I am making some very valid points here dudess so stop taking everything to heart and making me out to be some women hating troll.

A lot of Irish women certainly lack a level or two of femininity. They behave and talk and act like men. It's hard to tell who is who sometimes.

As a woman what would you define as dressing nice or sexy??

Dudess

I do take it personally because I fit into that demographic and eh... I haven't let myself go. Far from it. I make the best of myself, as do my friends. And I hate this sh1t of telling us what "we" look like.
I know what you're saying is certainly applicable to some women, but tarring all with one brush is poor form. And you DO troll that view.

I'd define dressing sexily as having a level of class - wearing clothes to flatter your shape, femininity is subjective but it's obviously not butchness either, a hint of sexuality in clothing, such as a bit of cleavage but no letting things spill out everywhere.

donster79

Well I am sorry if I hurt your feelings with my posts but those are my opinions and I will give them if I feel like it.

Men will always prefer younger women anyway I suppose so you should not take it personally, it's just in our make up.

Your definition of sexy attire sounds a bit like a generic, default answer to the question to be honest, is that what you really feel?? Are you talking about River Island weddingy type dresses, they always suggest bland and boring to me.

Again bear in mind I'm really not trying to offend you!!

Dudess

It's nothing to do with men preferring younger women (although eh... I'm hardly "older" just yet in my life - and I look younger than my age, as do my friends. I think in general our age group looks younger than, say, our mothers did at our age - more than likely because they had a few kids by then) it's the insults you throw out at all women of a certain age/nationality based on your observation of some.

The attire question: yes, that is how I feel. I don't think wearing hardly anything looks good, I don't think covering up in dowdy gear looks good either. I think striking a balance with a hint of "sexiness" is the best approach, and dressing to flatter your shape is vital. Wearing a boob tube and a skintight mini-skirt with lard hanging out (extreme I know but just illustrating) is just demeaning.

donster79

Im not suggesting dressing like a hooker (though their can be a time and place for that kind off thing!!). I get your point of dressing to strenghts. sure we all have to!!

All I'm really adding to the argument is possible suggestions as to why such women may not be having much success. A big thing which I know to be a factor with men is physiacl attractiveness. If you do not fancy a girl from the onset you never will.
Perhaps I was a little tactless at times but why beat about the bush with 20 posts when you can say it in one.

There are issues between Irish men and women which were probably non existant before in previous generations. Lots of people wanting to be in relationships but not because of fear of rejection, lack of physical attractiveness to opposite sex, influx of different cultures into the genepool or whatever but certainly there will be a lot more people having to learn to live on their own.

Dudess

donster79 wrote: »

All I'm really adding to the argument is possible suggestions as to why such women may not be having much success. A big thing which I know to be a factor with men is physiacl attractiveness. If you do not fancy a girl from the onset you never will.
Perhaps I was a little tactless at times but why beat about the bush with 20 posts when you can say it in one.

There are issues between Irish men and women which were probably non existant before in previous generations. Lots of people wanting to be in relationships but not because of fear of rejection, lack of physical attractiveness to opposite sex, influx of different cultures into the genepool or whatever but certainly there will be a lot more people having to learn to live on their own.

To say a person (not just men but probably moreso) will usually go for looks initially is of course true - and perfectly reasonable. To say a person reduces their chances of attracting the opposite sex if they don't bother with their appearance is again true. To say a woman's chances of meeting a partner decrease as she gets older - true. To say early signs of ageing kick in at 30 is again true (although I've no wrinkles around my eyes yet - grey hairs though but they've been appearing since I was 17). However, to say a woman who is 30+ and Irish = automatically not attractive... is just out of order. And that's what your posts used to look like.

donster79

So are ya gonna forgive me????

Dudess

Ah, ok... til next time. :pac:

Latchy

There is something very attractive about many 40 something women ,the fact that they make the effort to look good shows , many will not have to make that much effort because their genes + some natural after care will look after that part . They age well and in doing so defy the years

NickNolte

It's a pity that the thread has disintegrated into how Irish women look. Like most countries, you get gorgeous women and not so attractive women. Women who exercise regularly and eat well and women who let themselves go. All the above applies to men as well.

The biggest issue is the aggressive attitude of Irish women. They seem to have mistaken confidence and empowerment for arrogance and bitchyness. The 'assertive', socially aggressive modern, young Dublin woman is simply vile. It doesn't apply to all Dublin women of course but the ratio is so high compared to most places and that is why men are very apprehensive about approaching women here. Case closed.

Dudess

NickNolte wrote: »

It's a pity that the thread has disintegrated into how Irish women look. Like most countries, you get gorgeous women and not so attractive women. Women who exercise regularly and eat well and women who let themselves go. All the above applies to men as well.

Indeed. Don't tar groups with one brush.

Yet you do it below...

The biggest issue is the aggressive attitude of Irish women. They seem to have mistaken confidence and empowerment for arrogance and bitchyness. The 'assertive', socially aggressive modern, young Dublin woman is simply vile. It doesn't apply to all Dublin women of course but the ratio is so high compared to most places and that is why men are very apprehensive about approaching women here. Case closed.

NickNolte

Dudess wrote: »

Indeed. Don't tar groups with one brush.

Did I say that? I think you completely failed to interpret what I was actually saying.

Dudess wrote: »

Yet you do it below...

Did I? If I recall correctly, I did say...

It doesn't apply to all Dublin women of course

Reply fail.

Dudess

To insist you're not making sweeping generalisations is just disingenuousness. I'm an Irish woman, my friends are Irish women: I am told that I am x, y and z. It gets a bit tiresome after a while. Yes I know it's natural to make generalisations somewhat but the comments about Irish women here go way beyond that - they are hate-filled and a bit hurtful at times, to be honest.

I am not denying there are some very unpleasant Irish women - I am also not denying that this could be moreso an Irish thing than, say, a Greek thing (the "you'll get that everywhere" reasoning isn't always applicable). I am equally happy to admit that there are probably a lot of such rude, arrogant women... but I believe most are decent, because most people are decent.

I think it depends on where a person goes also - the more casual pubs rather than the poser-ish likes of Café En Seine and Dicey O'Reilly's (if in Dublin) tend to draw a nicer clientele (both male and female).

NickNolte

Dudess wrote: »

To insist you're not making sweeping generalisations is just disingenuousness.

I'm not making sweeping generalisations. For the record: I'm talking about a large number of Irish (particularly Dublin) women. A minority? Yes, perhaps. But a much larger ratio than any other country I've ever been to. I don't feel I need to keep qualifying this every time the 'you're making sweeping generalisations' retort is presented. Accusing people of making generalisations on a message board is getting haggard. Of course people are going to make sweeping statements to get their point across. It doesn't necessarily void their argument. *sigh*

Dudess wrote: »

I'm an Irish woman, my friends are Irish women: I am told that I am x, y and z. It gets a bit tiresome after a while. Yes I know it's natural to make generalisations somewhat but the comments about Irish women here go way beyond that - they are hate-filled and a bit hurtful at times, to be honest.

I don't really think it's up to you to decide whether other people's comments are hate-filled or not. I have very strong opinions about the aggression and nastiness of many of the Dublin women that I'm confronted with every day. I don't hate them. I just despair a little that many Irish women have lost their ability to be normal, genuine, nice people.

Dudess wrote: »

I am not denying there are some very unpleasant Irish women... I am equally happy to admit that there are probably a lot of such rude, arrogant women...

If we agree, why do we disagree?

Dudess wrote: »

I think it depends on where a person goes also - the more casual pubs rather than the poser-ish likes of Café En Seine and Dicey O'Reilly's (if in Dublin) tend to draw a nicer clientele (both male and female).

To be honest with you, you see it everywhere. Not just in pubs and clubs but in the workplace, in shops, etc. It's not isolated to trendy bars.

donster79

NickNolte wrote: »

It's a pity that the thread has disintegrated into how Irish women look. Like most countries, you get gorgeous women and not so attractive women. Women who exercise regularly and eat well and women who let themselves go. All the above applies to men as well.

The biggest issue is the aggressive attitude of Irish women. They seem to have mistaken confidence and empowerment for arrogance and bitchyness. The 'assertive', socially aggressive modern, young Dublin woman is simply vile. It doesn't apply to all Dublin women of course but the ratio is so high compared to most places and that is why men are very apprehensive about approaching women here. Case closed.

Well forgive me for suggesting a different opinion to yours but I would say that looks are a big thing for a lot of men with regards approaching women. Shallow as it may sound it is the simple truth. I for one would not approach a girl I did not fancy. So my point is that perhaps the girls whom the OP is referring to are not as hot as she might be making out and because they are her friends she may fail to see this.

Athene

I think a reason why men get a bad reaction when they approach women sometimes is the result of path paved by previous men. More often than not unfortunately the men who choose to approach you when you are out are not guys who could hold a civilised conversation. Some of the things guys have said to me when I am out...and I am by no way prudish. It would be nice to just have a guy approach you and attempt to have a normal conversation.
Even if you do tell a guy politely you are not interested you can get this aggressive attitude as though you think you are too good for them when really you are just NOT INTERESTED.

In terms of girls approching guys, I would NEVER approach a guy, I would have no respect for a guy who did'nt have the courage to approach me. Is chivalry dead??

Come on guys grow some backbone!

DublinWriter

Athene wrote: »

In terms of girls approching guys, I would NEVER approach a guy, I would have no respect for a guy who did'nt have the courage to approach me. Is chivalry dead??

Come on guys grow some backbone!

Yes, let's set the course of wimmins lib back by about 50 years shall we?

I've no problem with your attitude as long as you rescind your right to vote.

With rights come responsibilities you know!

Seriously, this is Ireland, you will be approached by guys, but you might want to rethink that whole respect thing once you see the sick and/or kebab meat on their shirt.

SLUSK

Athene wrote: »

I think a reason why men get a bad reaction when they approach women sometimes is the result of path paved by previous men. More often than not unfortunately the men who choose to approach you when you are out are not guys who could hold a civilised conversation. Some of the things guys have said to me when I am out...and I am by no way prudish. It would be nice to just have a guy approach you and attempt to have a normal conversation.
Even if you do tell a guy politely you are not interested you can get this aggressive attitude as though you think you are too good for them when really you are just NOT INTERESTED.

In terms of girls approching guys, I would NEVER approach a guy, I would have no respect for a guy who did'nt have the courage to approach me. Is chivalry dead??

Come on guys grow some backbone!

Maybe you simply do not attract good guys, ever thought about that?

MIN2511

Athene wrote: »

I think a reason why men get a bad reaction when they approach women sometimes is the result of path paved by previous men. More often than not unfortunately the men who choose to approach you when you are out are not guys who could hold a civilised conversation. Some of the things guys have said to me when I am out...and I am by no way prudish. It would be nice to just have a guy approach you and attempt to have a normal conversation.
Even if you do tell a guy politely you are not interested you can get this aggressive attitude as though you think you are too good for them when really you are just NOT INTERESTED.

In terms of girls approching guys, I would NEVER approach a guy, I would have no respect for a guy who did'nt have the courage to approach me. Is chivalry dead??

Come on guys grow some backbone!

Harsh much?

Are you single?

Athene

What's with the defensive responses? Don't try and use liberalism/feminism to avoid romanticsism, and you wonder why women don't approach men jeepers, less of the personal put downs.

Who said anything about respect?? Chivalry means courteous behaviour??

Not single, happily attached, just speaking from some past experiences. I think it is flattering to have someone chat you up whether you are interested or not. It just always baffles me why guys with no apparent people skills are the guys who display the most confidence towards approaching the opposite sex? My male friends would have similar attitudes to other guys here in so far they would not approach people for fear of the wrath of pack; whereas I think if the average male; nice guy were to approach a lady who's knows where it would lead. Point being what have you got to lose.

Herbal Deity

What have you got to lose by approaching a guy?

Why should guys be the ones doing the approaching?

Athene

Ha..it's like a total catch 22. I can just imagine two people crazy about each other in some sort of stand off in a pub somewhere, one waiting for the other to take the initiative...like a human form of chess who will make the first move?

The thread is labelled why don't men approach women so my response is to that question. I'm not looking for a man so I wont be approaching anyone. I think if guys are going to wait for women to approach them they may just be left waiting though.

c4cat

NickNolte wrote: »

It's a pity that the thread has disintegrated into how Irish women look. Like most countries, you get gorgeous women and not so attractive women. Women who exercise regularly and eat well and women who let themselves go. All the above applies to men as well.

The biggest issue is the aggressive attitude of Irish women. They seem to have mistaken confidence and empowerment for arrogance and bitchyness. The 'assertive', socially aggressive modern, young Dublin woman is simply vile. It doesn't apply to all Dublin women of course but the ratio is so high compared to most places and that is why men are very apprehensive about approaching women here. Case closed.

Have to agree +1

SLUSK

I only approach women when I feel drunk and h*rny, why else would I want to speak with them?

Does anyone approach a woman in a bar because she might have an interesting personality and you want to know more about here college degree and childhood dreams?

Gyalist

Here's the answer.

sharky86

Gyalist wrote: »

Here's the answer.

best answer in the whole tread!!!! everyman has tought that