Guys and their girl mates

omyatari

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Not answering that but I do have an equally confusing question for you:

If a train leaves Liverpool at 9.00am carrying two tonnes of coal and travels at 60 mph and another train leaves Leeds at 9.15am and is carrying three and a half tonnes of coal which train will reach London first and at what time?

the dart.

anyway getting to complicated for my taste aswell, just dont worry about it too much, if ur fellah chooses to be with you instead of them then thats all that matters.

banshee_bones

I have always had male friends and up until fairly recently i have found that most of them do have ulterior motives, i know this because i was friends with all of my ex's before we got together.
(think this is more prevailant whenunder the age of 23!)
They all wanted to do the friend thing afterwards and iv tried and suceeded and failed.
However I do have other male friends who i go shopping with, go to the cinema with, have tea, dinner,pints, hang out with and theres absolutely nothing there and i genuinely hope that they understand that aswell. Well infact i know they do as they come to me for advice for women they are chasing or are with

amybabes

i would estimate that 3/4 of my closest friends are male! my inner circle like, friends ive had from childhood to now. dont really know the reason, i have like 3 or 4 close girl friends and like 5 or 6 close fella friends. just get on better wit the lads, id be into cars and going to raves etc, hardly any of my girl friends are.... my BFF is male. EVERYONE suspects that we are at it on the q.t but there NEVER has been any feelings there, and never will be....and we have slept in d same bed before, and changed my clothes in front of him and still nothing, we're just the best of buds.
his new gf, shes 4 years younger than us, is very jealous of how close we are....god love her, so i see alot less of him these days! we do everything together....go for dinner, go out, just sit around the house, go for spins, go shopping etc. dont treat my male friends any different to my girlies....altho when im upset, im more likely to get upset in front of the girls, coz one time i was drunk in front of my bff and was just after breakin up with my bff's cousin, and i started drunk cryin n he didnt know what to do! still not left live that down!!

i see where the OP is coming from, u just have to be secure and trusting in ur relationship. When i first got together with my bf, one of his closest friends was on a semester abroad, and i hadnt even heard of her (didnt kno my bf b4 we started seeing each other) so she gets back from spain and suddenly shes EVERYWHERE, hanging out of him on nites out, bumming money off him, ringing n txtin him constantly, asking for lifts....it made me mad more than jealous, as she was completely walking all over him, getting loans n not paying him back etc. The final straw came the nigt of my bday which incidentally was valentines nite....we left the bar to go home early ;):D and we were like cya, we're heading home to bed to her....she was ringing and ringing and ringing him for the next 2 hours straight....i answered the phone in a fit of rage and told her to f**k of basically. then she turned up at his house claiming she had nowhere to stay!! so with her in the spare room next door, ye can imagine how the night went downhill after that!! :mad:
took me a while to get used to her, but i think once she realised that i was a permanent fixture n she couldnt be walking all over my bf anymore, she backed down n he rarely hears from her. only when she wants something! yet, they would still count each other as close friends! he cant see through her thats what bugs me the most....she must owe him like at least 400 euro from the last 2 years! and countless lifts home from town at all hours etc. anytime we have a fight, he goes talking to her about it which drives me insane!! id much rather he slag me off in the pub to all d boys then be telling her all the secret details of our relationship like.
ohhhhh shes a wagon, but i put up with her for his sake!!

id say try n make friends with ur bf's girl friends OP, if u see the relationship lasting!

Lia_lia

I'm a girl, and the majority of my close friends are guys. I just get on with guys better, but it completely depends on the person really I guess.

KnifeWRENCH

I only have a few very close friends and most of them are female. I just hang out with them - talk, watch DVDs, go to restaurants, go drinking ocassionally. Exact same way I hang out with male friends.
I don't see a big difference between having guy friends and girl friends.

Tupins

I am female and used to have a very good male friend. We used to work together and always had a great laugh. There was never any sexual tension or vibes between us - I think you'd just know if there was. We would go out for beers together the odd time, or call to eachothers houses even when one or both of us would be seeing someone. We even went travelling together as part of a group. There was never a question of anything more between us - it just wasn't there in that way.

Anyway, it all changed when he met a girl who he started to see seriously. She was not happy with him seeing me at all, and basically told him that she didn't want him to see me anymore. He went along with that and of course I couldn't do much about it as I wasn't prepared to come between two people in a relationship.

I was very hurt by it though and it upset me for a long time as I had basically lost a very good friend. I sometimes wonder are they still together or if he ever regrets what happened??

deco05ie

banshee_bones wrote: »

I have always had male friends and up until fairly recently i have found that most of them do have ulterior motives, i know this because i was friends with all of my ex's before we got together.
(think this is more prevailant whenunder the age of 23!)
They all wanted to do the friend thing afterwards and iv tried and suceeded and failed.
However I do have other male friends who i go shopping with, go to the cinema with, have tea, dinner,pints, hang out with and theres absolutely nothing there and i genuinely hope that they understand that aswell. Well infact i know they do as they come to me for advice for women they are chasing or are with

sounds like it's you who always has ulterior motives

shqipshume

amybabes wrote: »

i would estimate that 3/4 of my closest friends are male! my inner circle like, friends ive had from childhood to now. dont really know the reason, i have like 3 or 4 close girl friends and like 5 or 6 close fella friends. just get on better wit the lads, id be into cars and going to raves etc, hardly any of my girl friends are.... my BFF is male. EVERYONE suspects that we are at it on the q.t but there NEVER has been any feelings there, and never will be....and we have slept in d same bed before, and changed my clothes in front of him and still nothing, we're just the best of buds.
his new gf, shes 4 years younger than us, is very jealous of how close we are....god love her, so i see alot less of him these days! we do everything together....go for dinner, go out, just sit around the house, go for spins, go shopping etc. dont treat my male friends any different to my girlies....altho when im upset, im more likely to get upset in front of the girls, coz one time i was drunk in front of my bff and was just after breakin up with my bff's cousin, and i started drunk cryin n he didnt know what to do! still not left live that down!!

i see where the OP is coming from, u just have to be secure and trusting in ur relationship. When i first got together with my bf, one of his closest friends was on a semester abroad, and i hadn't even heard of her (didnt kno my bf b4 we started seeing each other) so she gets back from spain and suddenly shes EVERYWHERE, hanging out of him on nites out, bumming money off him, ringing n txtin him constantly, asking for lifts....it made me mad more than jealous, as she was completely walking all over him, getting loans n not paying him back etc. The final straw came the nigt of my bday which incidentally was valentines nite....we left the bar to go home early ;):D and we were like cya, we're heading home to bed to her....she was ringing and ringing and ringing him for the next 2 hours straight....i answered the phone in a fit of rage and told her to f**k of basically. then she turned up at his house claiming she had nowhere to stay!! so with her in the spare room next door, ye can imagine how the night went downhill after that!! :mad:
took me a while to get used to her, but i think once she realised that i was a permanent fixture n she couldnt be walking all over my bf anymore, she backed down n he rarely hears from her. only when she wants something! yet, they would still count each other as close friends! he cant see through her thats what bugs me the most....she must owe him like at least 400 euro from the last 2 years! and countless lifts home from town at all hours etc. anytime we have a fight, he goes talking to her about it which drives me insane!! id much rather he slag me off in the pub to all d boys then be telling her all the secret details of our relationship like.
ohhhhh shes a wagon, but i put up with her for his sake!!

id say try n make friends with ur bf's girl friends OP, if u see the relationship lasting!

Hi yeah that's exactly whats going on here but she barely is a friend at all she was an ex for about two weeks dating him and now she is pretending to be his friend.She is coming on to him and saying things like i am trying to control him,I haven't said stop seeing her or anything like that unless he has said to me she was annoying him and he is so happy when she is not around and then when she is around he is like a different person to me.
I said hi to her once and she totally snubbed me,also she made some remark about my looks.My friends said to me he is acting more like he is relationship with her than you:(
I really have no desire to be friends with her as i know in my heart she is trying to turn him against me and i am hurting real bad because some days he is acting like i mean less to him than her.He has told me i could never be second to her and he loves me,i have even asked him if he is falling for her and he gets real angry with me about that and says thanks for the trust,but she is there 24/7 in his house him at hers and she is arriving three times a day sometimes and late at night.He does that to what you say, when we have an argument i think he is telling her and there comes her womanly wisdoms pretending she gives a damn and manipulating things to her advantage.Exactly like you, yesterday everything great he is real happy and we are getting on great spend whole night together he said,I have her calling over in a bit but i will get rid of her cause i wont let her interfere with our night,he is gone two hours and comes back like without smiling or anything and he has to go with her somewhere,I am understanding and say OK baby and i understand if you have to.And there is another night ruined because of this person.Yeah he cant see through her either even though he knows she is obsessed with him he is letting her in his head against me.
I don't think i am been irrational,i am very laid back about things and there is boundaries and lines you don't cross as a mate,but it feels like i am only one with the boundaries and she has none.
How do i approach all these issues without him feeling like i am setting rules and without her using them against me.

Thanks so much guys for listening i have no one to talk to about this at all.xxxx

walshb

Personally, I don't think it works. Male and female are different in the sense of how they act, feel, and view society and the world, generally speaking!

I would find it much easier to relate to guys in conversation in general, than girls. Not that talking to a girl is a problem, but as a 'mate,' I don't have any girl mates, as in a girl I'd call to for a chat or a bit of craic' or a game of pool or golf.

Simply put, guys and girls are for the most part into different things.
That makes it a little awkward trying to hang out with a girl as a mate!

Like boxing for example. I know very very few girls who do like and follow the sport.
I am sure it's the same with soccer or F1 or Golf. These are guy things that
guys do with guys.

I am not saying girls cannot enjoy it, but on average, sport and the real competitive streak is a male thing. Women are more docile and relaxed.

Another thing I don't get is when a girl turns around and says, " All my friend are guys, I hate girls, they're
too bitchy." No, the problem is that you are not 'really' a girl. Girls do get on great amongst girls like guys
get on great amongst guys. It's a human nature thing that the same sex relate better to each
other on a platonic level..

shqipshume

Tupins wrote: »

I am female and used to have a very good male friend. We used to work together and always had a great laugh. There was never any sexual tension or vibes between us - I think you'd just know if there was. We would go out for beers together the odd time, or call to eachothers houses even when one or both of us would be seeing someone. We even went travelling together as part of a group. There was never a question of anything more between us - it just wasn't there in that way.

Anyway, it all changed when he met a girl who he started to see seriously. She was not happy with him seeing me at all, and basically told him that she didn't want him to see me anymore. He went along with that and of course I couldn't do much about it as I wasn't prepared to come between two people in a relationship.

I was very hurt by it though and it upset me for a long time as I had basically lost a very good friend. I sometimes wonder are they still together or if he ever regrets what happened??

Sorry to hear that shame when there is a good woman who is a mate and has no bad intentions and girls control their bf's
Mine on other hand trust me she has full intention of trying to split us up and she is at it everyday,twisting things to her advantage or at least trying:(

idontknowmyname

I'm a girl and I've always been a guys girl. When I was little I was the only girl on the street so I was off rough and tumble with the boys, climbing trees and just larking about outside. I have loads of girl mates as well, but have a laugh with the lads. My ex didn't have any girl friends, well he never spoke about them if he did and we were together 4 years! I'd find it weird if a guy had loads of girl mates, don't know I'm probably just insecure- double standards eh??!!

Abi

shqipshume wrote: »

I have dated only small few and never had a guy as a mate ever.
I dont even talk to guys at all barr my boyfriend and family.

I could count my female friends on my left hand tbph. I'd require many hands for my male friends..oooh that sounds bad. not meant to! I just feel more comfortable in male company in general.

I dont think you have any cause for concern, maybe just a case of the green-eyed monster

KamiKazi

Knife-WREEENCH wrote: »

I only have a few very close friends and most of them are female. I just hang out with them - talk, watch DVDs, go to restaurants, go drinking ocassionally. Exact same way I hang out with male friends.
I don't see a big difference between having guy friends and girl friends.

Didn't even read this guys post, but fvck, he deserves a thank purely for his username

On-topic, one of my closest friends is female, whats the problem?

shqipshume

Abigayle wrote: »

I could count my female friends on my left hand tbph. I'd require many hands for my male friends..oooh that sounds bad. not meant to! I just feel more comfortable in male company in general.

I dont think you have any cause for concern, maybe just a case of the green-eyed monster

thanks i am trying my best to reign her in.

Abi

shqipshume wrote: »

thanks i am trying my best to reign her in.

Well. I cant speak for your gf, but they probably would like to have sex with her. Its like something guys need to get out of the way (not that I do!)
Not helping am I?

But you have to trust her, without it... you don't need me to finish that sentence

vorbis

I'd have no close "girl friends" either. Its mainly due to having different interests to most women like walshb said. I don't know any girl in my social circle I could have a decent conversation about soccer with. There is one I could chat to about rugby but thats it. It's generally more fun to do the friends stuff with guys.

Captain-America

One of my best friends is a girl. Her boyfriends is also one of my best friends.
I'd go to lunch with her the odd time or something like that, I don't really see how it's a big deal at all.

Gyalist

One thing that has always astonished me since I started reading this MB is the amount of guys who share beds with their female "mates". Any man who allows that is a complete pussy.

shqipshume

Abigayle wrote: »

Well. I cant speak for your gf, but they probably would like to have sex with her. Its like something guys need to get out of the way (not that I do!)
Not helping am I?

But you have to trust her, without it... you don't need me to finish that sentence

haha em woman here i meant reign in my jealousy hehe:o
I wil tell you i am been tested beyond any womans limits of trust

shqipshume

Gyalist wrote: »

One thing that has always astonished me since I started reading this MB is the amount of guys who share beds with their female "mates". Any man who allows that is a complete pussy.

hahahaha we must be odd then cause i am very surprised, i dont find them pussies though,just probably mature,
Me on other hand wouldnt do it with a guy mate ever :eek:if i had guy mates that is.

Duckjob

I've several female friends that I meet up with regularly.

One of them in particular is smoking hot and always turns male heads when we're out. We regularly go for candlelit dinners, sink a few bottles of wine together and have a laugh.

Mrs Duckjob doesn't mind. She has friends also male and female that she meets up with.

Trust is everything.

shqipshume

Duckjob wrote: »

I've several female friends that I meet up with regularly.

One of them in particular is smoking hot and always turns male heads when we're out. We regularly go for candlelit dinners, sink a few bottles of wine together and have a laugh.

Mrs Duckjob doesn't mind. She has friends also male and female that she meets up with.

Trust is everything.

Thanks alot duckjob I have to say because of my lack of male friends is my reason i couldnt understand how a male can do things with a woman that i see as only for gf or wives.
I guess i have alot of maturing to do but i am starting to accept it although still hard.
Nearly lost him a couple of times because i wasnt comfortable with the female company and i decided to swallow my jealousy and insecurity and not say what i think or feel for once as it made him feel i didnt trust him.Lucikly he loves me just as much as i do him:o:)

ronn90

I have several female friends. We don't meet up that often but when we do its usually a good laugh. There's nothing untoward in the relationship. Like a previous post I met most of mine in college. I'm married and older than most of them as I was an (im)mature student.:)
I wouldn't worry about your man having female friends. If my wife had male friends it wouldn't have me worried. After all the sexes complement each other. It's all about trust I suppose. I have spoken to women who prefer male company. It's like they're not in competition with other females or something. (not being sexist got this from a conversation I had with a woman). Especially if the the woman isn't into shopping or the soaps or talking about there kids.:o

lets be honest every guy probably says in the back of his head when he meets a woman "yeah I would" and then they get on with the business of having a bit of craic. I'm sure it must cross women's minds as well. But that's as far as it gets.

Enjoy the weekend

amybabes

shqipshume wrote: »

Hi yeah that's exactly whats going on here but she barely is a friend at all she was an ex for about two weeks dating him and now she is pretending to be his friend.She is coming on to him and saying things like i am trying to control him,I haven't said stop seeing her or anything like that unless he has said to me she was annoying him and he is so happy when she is not around and then when she is around he is like a different person to me.
I said hi to her once and she totally snubbed me,also she made some remark about my looks.My friends said to me he is acting more like he is relationship with her than you:(
I really have no desire to be friends with her as i know in my heart she is trying to turn him against me and i am hurting real bad because some days he is acting like i mean less to him than her.He has told me i could never be second to her and he loves me,i have even asked him if he is falling for her and he gets real angry with me about that and says thanks for the trust,but she is there 24/7 in his house him at hers and she is arriving three times a day sometimes and late at night.He does that to what you say, when we have an argument i think he is telling her and there comes her womanly wisdoms pretending she gives a damn and manipulating things to her advantage.Exactly like you, yesterday everything great he is real happy and we are getting on great spend whole night together he said,I have her calling over in a bit but i will get rid of her cause i wont let her interfere with our night,he is gone two hours and comes back like without smiling or anything and he has to go with her somewhere,I am understanding and say OK baby and i understand if you have to.And there is another night ruined because of this person.Yeah he cant see through her either even though he knows she is obsessed with him he is letting her in his head against me.
I don't think i am been irrational,i am very laid back about things and there is boundaries and lines you don't cross as a mate,but it feels like i am only one with the boundaries and she has none.
How do i approach all these issues without him feeling like i am setting rules and without her using them against me.

Thanks so much guys for listening i have no one to talk to about this at all.xxxx

ok hun, this is just history repeating itself for me! same story! it wrecked my head about her so much, and this is when we were only together about 4 months, i used to go home every wkend as im from a different city to where i was living and theyd be out most weekends together. He came very close to breaking up with me over her....one nite we were having a huge fight in his kitchen when she was in the sitting rm with his housemates, and he was like amy i cant take any more of this, like he felt caught in the middle of d 2 of us, i was prob giving out to him more than her, and he was seriously ending it, so i bit my tongue, walked into the sitting room n called her out, told her i was sorry that we hadnt got off 2 a great start n that i was a little bit insecure, but wanted us to be friends. even tho i didnt want anything 2 do with her, kill them wit kindness, and look like the bigger person thats the key!! if u do the same, she'll go mad...act really nice, invite her 2 do things wit ye, make a huge effort....she wont be able 2 stick it, and if she has a face on her, she'll be the bad guy, look like shes been immature and petty, and your bf will think u really tried, and shes been difficult. turn the situation around on her!! manipulative i know, but fight fire with fire is what i say!
sometimes men cant see through women like this, and see her ulterior motives...that she wants to get her claws into him/get rid of u. men dont know d extent of how we think....its like a strategy. i know its hard, u prob feel like clocking her one!
there is a happy ending to my story....after a while of me being nicey nice to her, inviting her places with us, beboing her etc she really just gave up, she actually started seeing someone herself and we didnt see her at all! RESULT! dont let this drive a ridge between ye, i came very close to it and it went on for a few months, at a crucial time at the start of our relationship when we didnt have much trust to go on.
stick it out if u love him and this misery is worth it, but i have 2 say it sounds like ur bf is spending a bit too much time with her, and putting up wit her interrupting yer time together a bit too much, like when he said he HAD to go somewhere with her after making plans wit u, i wouldve wanted a good explanation...like was one of her limbs hangin off? was he driving her to a&e?!! u couldve said oh ok babe, sure y dont i come too...that way i get 2 spend time wit u 2....

good luck hun, dnt let her ruin what u hav wit ur bf! x;)

shqipshume

amybabes wrote: »

ok hun, this is just history repeating itself for me! same story! it wrecked my head about her so much, and this is when we were only together about 4 months, i used to go home every wkend as im from a different city to where i was living and theyd be out most weekends together. He came very close to breaking up with me over her....one nite we were having a huge fight in his kitchen when she was in the sitting rm with his housemates, and he was like amy i cant take any more of this, like he felt caught in the middle of d 2 of us, i was prob giving out to him more than her, and he was seriously ending it, so i bit my tongue, walked into the sitting room n called her out, told her i was sorry that we hadnt got off 2 a great start n that i was a little bit insecure, but wanted us to be friends. even tho i didnt want anything 2 do with her, kill them wit kindness, and look like the bigger person thats the key!! if u do the same, she'll go mad...act really nice, invite her 2 do things wit ye, make a huge effort....she wont be able 2 stick it, and if she has a face on her, she'll be the bad guy, look like shes been immature and petty, and your bf will think u really tried, and shes been difficult. turn the situation around on her!! manipulative i know, but fight fire with fire is what i say!
sometimes men cant see through women like this, and see her ulterior motives...that she wants to get her claws into him/get rid of u. men dont know d extent of how we think....its like a strategy. i know its hard, u prob feel like clocking her one!
there is a happy ending to my story....after a while of me being nicey nice to her, inviting her places with us, beboing her etc she really just gave up, she actually started seeing someone herself and we didnt see her at all! RESULT! dont let this drive a ridge between ye, i came very close to it and it went on for a few months, at a crucial time at the start of our relationship when we didnt have much trust to go on.
stick it out if u love him and this misery is worth it, but i have 2 say it sounds like ur bf is spending a bit too much time with her, and putting up wit her interrupting yer time together a bit too much, like when he said he HAD to go somewhere with her after making plans wit u, i wouldve wanted a good explanation...like was one of her limbs hangin off? was he driving her to a&e?!! u couldve said oh ok babe, sure y dont i come too...that way i get 2 spend time wit u 2....

good luck hun, dnt let her ruin what u hav wit ur bf! x;)

Sounds exactly like me hun.
I am really happy she didnt ruin it for you two best of luck and musch happiness together for future
I explained to him how i felt about her been around so much and it looks like he has feelings for her and i am very uncomfortable with her been around so much.
I think because you two came through that situation together made you stronger
I wont let her thanks :)I will stick with him always i love him very much:o we have talked about getting married and he has said i am only woman he has ever loved
Hehe i will take your advice thanks so much
Take care xx I will let you know if you like in pm later on how things are going.