Too much Wine?

Communicator

I'm wondering are there any other 'wino's' out there like me? Before I go on, can I just say I'm using that term in gest...I think!

I'm currently probably getting through 5/7 bottles wine per week. When I write it down, yes, it is a HUGE amount and some mite say I have a drink problem. And I might just agree.

However, most of my friends appear to be in similar situations and aren't half as concerned about the issue as I am. Come home from work, collect the kids, start dinner, open a bottle 'just to have one glass' - before you know it, the dishes are done, the kids are asleep and the bottle is empty and it's bedtime.

Am I alone in living this lifestyle? I remember when my Mum was alive, she'd send me next door to get a tablet from our neighbour 'for her nerves'. No doubt, it was a valium or similar, and many of our neighbours 'borrowed' even half a tablet from each other. I'm guessing this was their 'thing'. And 40 years later, wine seems to be my 'thing'.

More than anything else, I'm just wondering how common this 'life' style is??? Btw, even though both beer and wine ARE alcohol, I would immediately think that anyone who drank 4 cans per night, was an alco. But wine seems 'posher'. Double standards I know, but it's almost acceptable to say 'I had a bottle of wine last night' and often, very often, someone will say 'So did I'.

So am I alone???

Homer

You are certainly not alone. You are however, in denial I would say?!

Communicator

I'm not in denial Homer, honestly. I know it's a problem. And I know what I have to do. I haven't done it yet, but I will. In the meantime, I'm just wondering how common my 'problem' is?

Homer

Well that's the first step I guess, admitting you have a perceived problem. I can honestly say that in my wide circle of friends I would be seriously concerned if somebody was drinking that much alcohol. Regardless of whether it was wine or beer or spirits. It's certainly not healthy to be drinking that much? Especially considering you have family to look after I gather?
Do you work during the day also? If so, is it affecting your work life? Or how about your personal life?
I would struggle to operate a normal life drinking that much on a regular basis?

shellyboo

Communicator wrote: »

I'm not in denial Homer, honestly. I know it's a problem. And I know what I have to do. I haven't done it yet, but I will. In the meantime, I'm just wondering how common my 'problem' is?

How common is alcoholism? Quite, I think.

No need to dance around the issue - if you can't get through the evening without <alcoholic beverage of choice> then you are an alcoholic.

nylon

I've heard a lot of news reports about this recently. Wine consumption has greatly increased in Ireland, but because it's associated with being cultured, cosmopolitan (read middle-class) it hasn't been viewed as an issue.

Even if Dutch Gold is responsible for more drunk and disorderly arrests, the equivalent volume of wine is just as damaging. It's just a more socially-acceptable form of alcohol abuse.

You are drinking far, FAR too much. Even if you find out here that it's common, you really should reduce your intake... perhaps even seek help if it's become that much of a crutch for you.

SueWho

I would say very common but that doesn't make it ok. It's common to smoke, it's common to be obese...

I do think a lot of people have a vice which they will always struggle with. I guess just try to cut down a bit rather than give up. There was one point when I used to drink wine almost every night but found it a little too hard to get up in the mornings so I cut back. I still drink more than 14 units per week some weeks, but I try to see wine as a treat to have maybe 3 or 4 times a week rather than part of every single day.

Have a look at this article from the Indo on Monday:

http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/parenting/im-not-a-desperate-housewife-but-i-like-my-glass-of-wine-1690726.html

Nevyn

Communicator wrote: »

I'm not in denial Homer, honestly. I know it's a problem. And I know what I have to do. I haven't done it yet, but I will. In the meantime, I'm just wondering how common my 'problem' is?

It is a very easy habit to fall into and once the bottle of wine is open it hard
not to finish it and as it's just a glass of wine you can easily fall into a pattern of drinking esp as you reward yourself with it to relax after the kids are gone to bed.

Communicator

With all due respect, that really wasn't my question. Yes, I can get through the day, yes I have a family to raise and yes I work full-time in quite a stressful job which is why, I imagine, I crave that first glass most evenings.

I am not necessarily looking for advice around my problem. Like I said, I know it's a problem and I will fix it.

I'm just asking how many other people out there are doing the same, or similar to me? Or am I just being very honest by admitting it?

Communicator

Thaedydal wrote: »

It is a very easy habit to fall into and once the bottle of wine is open it hard
not to finish it and as it's just a glass of wine you can easily fall into a pattern of drinking esp as you reward yourself with it to relax after the kids are gone to bed.

Thank you Thaedyal, that's exactly how I've gotten into this 'habit'. Kids in bed, sit down relax and finish off the bottle...would you or your friends do similar?

Communicator

SueWho wrote: »

I would say very common but that doesn't make it ok. It's common to smoke, it's common to be obese...

I do think a lot of people have a vice which they will always struggle with. I guess just try to cut down a bit rather than give up. There was one point when I used to drink wine almost every night but found it a little too hard to get up in the mornings so I cut back. I still drink more than 14 units per week some weeks, but I try to see wine as a treat to have maybe 3 or 4 times a week rather than part of every single day.

Have a look at this article from the Indo on Monday:

http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/parenting/im-not-a-desperate-housewife-but-i-like-my-glass-of-wine-1690726.html

When you say '3 or 4' times a week. Is that 3 or 4 bottles a week. Like do you drink the whole bottle. Or can you stop at a glass?

Communicator

I'm honestly not trying to find out how common this is to justify my own drinking.

I'm just genuinely interested to find out if there are many, many more like me out there who have this attitude towards wine (in particular).

Nevyn

Communicator wrote: »

Thank you Thaedyal, that's exactly how I've gotten into this 'habit'. Kids in bed, sit down relax and finish off the bottle...would you or your friends do similar?

It was a pattern I fell into and I don't do it any more, I found the easiest way
was to not keep wine/beer/whiskey in the house.

I wouldn't see the harm in a glass of wine a day but it's when it's more then that and it's
habitual then I think it's a issue that should be looked at.

SueWho

Half a bottle mostly and some weeks I'd drink nothing at all. The odd time I'd drink a bottle of wine but it's too much. As a bottle of wine contains 12 units even to drink "just" three half bottles a week is 18 units of alcohol.

I really don't think there's much harm in sometimes exceeding the recommending limit (14 units for women) but if you can't go a week or two without a drink then you have a problem. Even if you aren't psychologically/ physically addicted you have a problem in the sense that you could be ruining your liver and all the other health concerns to do with alcohol.

I'm not preaching. I'm not perfect myself but as I get older I'm getting more sensible and I feel better because of that.

LegacyUser

does it really matter if everyones doing it or not?

YOU know its too much and YOU know its a problem. Nip in the bud while your children are still young. my mother was the same as you. super mom. until the drinking took hold and eventually pill popping set in. now my families is in ruins. my moms been sober over a year but all those years of heartache are what everyone remembers.

fix it.

Plek Trum

I would say it is very common to be honest - I found myself in a smiliar routine with my partner (no kids but both working full time). We would have dinner around 7pm, open a bottle to have a glass and yes finish the bottle everytime.

It got to the stage when (a) I noticed the weight (b) noticed the bank balance(!) and (c) noticed the routine of it. We decided to cut out the wine until weekends and then enjoy it without guilt and made this part of our 'get fitter' routine. Certainly worked and the benefits were noticable all round.


Dont be too worried or hard on yourself, maybe see if you can make it every 2nd or 3rd night. Dont worry about "finishing the bottle" too much - I personally dont know any friends that would pop the cork back in and put it away. You have identified a routine, now you can make some changes if you feel the need too. You'll see and the benefits in a few weeks.. promise!

dodgyme

you now have me thinking about getting a bottle on the way home - had enough last night with the match on and all.:(

smileysurfer

5/7 Bottles of wine a week? A bottle of wine a day? I have a relative in the same situation, shes now going to AA meetings.

Lothaar

OP - I'm the same as you. I love wine. I'm aware that it's not good for me and that I should cut down. I probably drink 5/7 bottles a week too, depending on how the week goes.

It's part vice and part hobby, as I'm interested in learning about wine. I usually research it and buy good wines from specialist wine shops.

I'm going on holiday to Bordeaux next week. I'll probably drink more than usual... can't wait!

Minxie123

Communicator wrote: »

I'm honestly not trying to find out how common this is to justify my own drinking.

I'm just genuinely interested to find out if there are many, many more like me out there who have this attitude towards wine (in particular).

Have recently started looking at my own wine intake as well. Up until last year I had a long commute every morning so wouldn't have a drop to drink Monday to Friday but when that changed I found myself getting a bottle on a Thursday evening for me and OH. But OH doesn't really drink at home so I would inevitably end up polishing it off myself. Then I added Tuesdays to my 'wine treat' and soon enough Wednesday got the same treatment. Personally I wasn't feeling the better of it so have gone back to my Thursday treat. I thought 3 bottles a week was a lot but you've made me feel better with your 5/7 so cheers I found when I was thinking about it I compared myself to my friends and as you say its not uncommon to hear of people 'having a bottle of wine' of an evening but I suppose you have to forget about everyone else and look at your own habits and how its affecting you.

Blue_Wolf

I found myself drinking 5-6 nights per week and most of the time on my own, maybe 4-5 bottles a night. It annoys my girlfriend as she had issues with one of her ex's who got aggressive when drinking. This has really happened in the last 2 months. I'm not in denial, I think I do have a problem. Saying that Im off the cigarettes 2 months so I'm just finding something else to do to take my mind off it.
Last time i gave up cigarettes (for 2years) the 1st 3-4months I was addicted to buying scratch cards. I think im going through a phase and it will pass. Perhaps OP you are going through a phase, maybe there is something troubling you, stressing you out?

petethebrick

Try cutting out alcohol during the week altogether and saving drinking for social occasions at the weekends. That's what I'm trying to do - you'd be amazed at the reduction in the amount you drink when you add it up.
For me drinking at home during the week was more due to boredom originally but over time it can become a sort of crutch you lean on just to relax in the evenings. I'm doing good enough so far -although I did drink a six pack last nite watching the match

I still drink too much on nights out at the weekend but that's another issue for me

biko

If my partner was drinking anywhere near that amount per day I would be very worried.

dodgyme

petethebrick wrote: »

Try cutting out alcohol during the week altogether and saving drinking for social occasions at the weekends. That's what I'm trying to do - you'd be amazed at the reduction in the amount you drink when you add it up.
For me drinking at home during the week was more due to boredom originally but over time it can become a sort of crutch you lean on just to relax in the evenings. I'm doing good enough so far -although I did drink a six pack last nite watching the match

I still drink too much on nights out at the weekend but that's another issue for me

ahhh for some home brew ->

http://www.independent.ie/business/personal-finance/surviving-the-recession/bubbling-over-1691947.html



not a good idea for me.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Op just had a thought for you. Could you buy those small bottles of wine instead and have one of them when the kids go to bed.

You could get non-alcoholic stuff to have with your food if you enjoy the taste with a meal.

If you find yourself unsatisfied by only having the small bottle it could show the difference between a habit and an addiction.

Communicator

Yes, I am stressed and yes, I have alot on my mind. But I've had this stuff on my mind for a long time! I'm glad I've found that there are people doing similar things to me - it makes me feel I'm not that insane afterall.

It started due to boredom. And it has become a habit. A very bad habit I know. Its almost a physical feeling now. I get the apprehension in my shoulders when I'm passing by the shop every evening with the 'will I or won't I' drive in and buy a bottle? I inevitably do. I'm not looking for help here because I know what I HAVE to do. I do however, have a bad opionion of AA. I'm sure they're great at what they do but I'd a family member who lived by them for many, many years, to the point where it drove us all insane and the very mention of them gives me the quivers. Just a personal opinion.

Communicator

sounds like a plan bottleof smoke. I would feel like a right plonker buying ONE of those small bottles though!!

Life is funny though. Would you believe the main reason I even wrote this thread today was down to vanity.

Yes I know my liver must be in bits (or close to it) and yes I've put on weight because of the wine. But I've noticed one of my teeth is going a funny colour. Just one of them. And it's only a slightly different shade. Nobody else would really notice but I love my teeth. I've always been complimented on my smile and my white teeth (never smoked). And I was appalled when I saw it the other day...:(

Communicator

Sorry heartbroke, I missd your reply there. I don't really know what to say. Other than that's hit home. I have one child. He's 6. So far he wouldn't even be aware of my problem because he's in bed. But the thoughts that he'd be replying to a thread like this in 10/15yrs.....I dunno what to say

tweety76

Once a large bottle is open it's too easy to drink it all, don't worry about looking like a plonker just buy the small bottles and break the "habit" now. If it is just a habit there are non alcoholic wines you can also buy - try them for a couple of days to see if you still get the same kick and it relieves your "boredom".

Different bottles of vino contain different % of alcohol which can result in different unit intakes per week. Look at the back of the bottle to look at the alcohol content % then go to www.drinkaware.ie for a reality check. There is a calculator where you add your weekly units up. Try it out.

I did this recently and have cut down to my recommended 14 units for women a week.I was drinking too much.

Good luck.

gaz wac

Communicator wrote: »

I have one child. He's 6. So far he wouldn't even be aware of my problem because he's in bed.

He will be aware if he falls going to the bathroom and splits his head open and needs stiches and he is waiting 30 mins for a taxi cos mammy is to sozzled to drive to the hospital !!!

LegacyUser

Communicator wrote: »

Sorry heartbroke, I missd your reply there. I don't really know what to say. Other than that's hit home. I have one child. He's 6. So far he wouldn't even be aware of my problem because he's in bed. But the thoughts that he'd be replying to a thread like this in 10/15yrs.....I dunno what to say

i was 6 when my mom was on a bottle a night. i'd wonder why mommy needed to drink so much when i'd see the empty bottle every morning. i'd spill out a 1/4 of the bottle of gin/whiskey ect and water it down if i ever was alone in the kitchen. eventually as i got older i got to stay up later and see the drinking take place. then older again, see my mom tipsy and so on and on until i was putting her to bed and cleaning up after. she became agressive towards me and my father, resulting in her nearly killing herself by accident and my father.

stop it now, please. i don't mean to sound melodramatic but you have no idea how this could snowball. my heart literally raced as i read your first post. at least you know its a problem but alcoholism is very strong and the longer you leave it the harder it is to break.

LegacyUser

Hi, OP
I could have started a similar thread a few years ago. I always enjoyed the odd glass of wine in the evenings, a bottle would probably last me a month.

When my second child was born, I took 2 years leave of absence from work. Having been working most of my life, I found it really boring and monotonous being at home with 2 small children day in day out. I started having a glass of wine in the afternoon about twice weekly to relax. Then I found I was having a glass of wine every second day, then it progressed to two glasses every 2 days. I knew all along it was becoming a problem and I was worried, but when I'd voice my concerns to friends or relatives they'd reassure me what I was drinking was fine.
And in magazines I'd feel better when I'd read interviews with stars in magazines, and they seemed to drink a bottle of wine every night.
My husband would come home from work in the evenings and I'd be short-tempered and suffering a headache.
I returned to work part-time, but on my days off I was still drinking more and more.
It constantly bothered me what would happen if one of my kids was to take ill and I had to rush them to doctor/hospital full of alcohol.

The straw that broke the camel's back happened one evening when I drank half a bottle of wine, a Bacardi breezer and a can of Carlsberg, and I still couldn't get the same relaxed feeling one glass of wine once gave me. But in the evening I had a very bad headache wnd was sick.

I realised it was sink or swim. It was Feb 2006, I just made a vow never to drink again. It was so hard the first few weeks, but I'd make myself coffee instead of pouring a glass of wine, I'd bring the kids for a walk, do some knitting- just try anything to take my mind off wine.


I have never looked back. I'm afraid to touch alcohol now. It feels great to be able to hop in the car and drive anywhere without wondering if I'm over the limit, or going to work with a small of alcohol from my breath.

ManOfMystery

Communicator wrote: »

sounds like a plan bottleof smoke. I would feel like a right plonker buying ONE of those small bottles though!!

Life is funny though. Would you believe the main reason I even wrote this thread today was down to vanity.

Yes I know my liver must be in bits (or close to it) and yes I've put on weight because of the wine. But I've noticed one of my teeth is going a funny colour. Just one of them. And it's only a slightly different shade. Nobody else would really notice but I love my teeth. I've always been complimented on my smile and my white teeth (never smoked). And I was appalled when I saw it the other day...:(

Not sure what type of wine you're on but red wine can and will stain your teeth. You can get whitening products to bring them back to normal.

username123

Hi Op,
My father was an alcoholic and he started out like you, a drink after work, just a relaxer, sure wasnt he working hard every day, what harm?

I wont bore you with the details but suffice to say he developed into a full blown aggressive alcoholic, died in an alcohol related accident, prior to dying he was completely estranged from everyone, no friends left, no family who would speak to him, in and out of hospital every few weeks with his latest alcohol related accident or alcohol related illness.

Long before he died his body was destroyed, I had a doctor in A&E ask me one night was he in his 70s - he wasnt coherent enough to answer the docs questions - he was in his early 50s at the time.

I knew from a very early age something was wrong. I can remember as a small child wondering about the empty bottles and why other peoples houses didnt have so many empty bottles as ours. Later I also used to tip out some of the alcohol and water down the bottles. Children know. Even if they are not old enough to recognise the empty bottles for what they are they know if someone is drunk. I can clearly remember on my communion night (age 7) being worried because I felt sick and knew if I had to go to hospital that my daddy couldnt drive the car.

So for your kids sake and your own sake take it in hand now before it becomes a situation that you have lost control of.

It snowballs fast, years pass quickly and before you know it youre in the horrors of full blown alcoholism.

Good luck to you - I hope you work things out.

northern lights

Hi communicator,
I can totally identify with your post. I'm drinking 3 botttles of red wine over the space of the weekends, used to be two but has crept up to three.

Like you I've found myself on a thursday, usually after a crap day at work, thinking will I buy a bottle and just have one glass??

I know from experience though that I'd end up drinking it all as the first glass would taste so good I'd think what the heck one more won't kill me then before you know it the bottles empty

It's actually scary how easy it is for one bottle to become two, two to become three etc and that's where the problem lies. You're aware that you're intake is way too high so that's you're starting point to now try to cut down again. Easier said than done I know!

I'm home alone just now as my husband working abroad which is why I've found myself drinking more. He doesn't drink at all any more and whilst he doesn't mind me drinking wine at home, I know that I'd feel incredibly guilty drinking 3 bottles a week in front of him so I'm making a conscious effort to cut back myself to just 2 bottles a week, starting this weekend :eek:

Wishing you all the best

Overheal

I love a good wine bender as much as the next guy so I can see how it can easily become a vice for someone. I've since learned to stop and sit after the second glass, by which point I'm usually pretty lucid anyway. It helps to keep busy while you are enjoying a glass - cooking or typing, something that demands your attention. If you're on the couch staring blankly at the TV and holding a glass in two hands its very easy to down glass after glass in a very short space of time. I might spend an hour or more (or never finish) my second glass by sitting down with my laptop and browsing the interweb. Short end of the stick is Wine should not be your source of entertainment. If you are bored do something that isn't substance abuse maybe.

As for the compelling desire to finish off a bottle - theres always the fridge, and you can always re-cap it. I suppose all this advice is fine if you havent slipped into true addiction but if you feel you arent at the point of no return yet its worth looking into. Awareness is one of your best defenses against addiction/habit.

Loomis

"However, most of my friends appear to be in similar situations and aren't half as concerned about the issue as I am."

Just because everyone does it doesn't mean it's ok. I'm sure there are groups of friends who are junkies and they aren't concerned by it.

The fact you're here and raising questions shows you aren't in total denial though. Get some help for yourself. Start by talking to your GP.

Phoenix_Rising

HI,

For a number of years i drank a bottle of wine or 6 cans every night. No more, and certainly no less!

For almost all of this time i lived in shared rented houses and nobody ever batted an eyelid to my drinking. I had a stressful job and "needed" to chill in the evenings. I was completely functional in that i went to work every day. Had friends, had relationships etc.

But...

A bottle fo wine stopped working and then i was having two bottles, or bottles and cans, and vodka, and whiskey. I got to the stage where i couldnt function without a drink.

Im now sober over 19 months, tis such a relief.

I cant tell you if you have a drink problem or not but i would suggest that you try two things.

Firstly, this evening have a glass of wine - and then stop drinking. The inability to stop drinking after one or two drinks is far more of an indication of a drink problem than abstaining altogether for a day. When i drank, even one sip of alcohol, i had to have more - it was a complete compulsion.

Second, buy a book called "Ill stop tomorrow" by Paul Cambell. See if you identify with the story. Even if you dont, tis still a cracking read.

Mind yourself pet.

Communicator

Honestly, I'm not in denial. I KNOW I have a problem. I really do.

The threads that are hitting home the most though are the ones from people remembering stuff from their childhood.

I grew up with a father and a few brothers who were alcoholics (I've alot of brothers!). And I remember the fear of them coming home drunk from the pub and wondering if there would be an argument or worse. You can guess what happened to me, I won't go into detail here. But I've dealt with that. At least I thought I had.

The very thought that I'm giving my son the same memories has me crying here. Somehow, because I don't get 'drunk' (falling around or agressive) or just drink sitting on the couch watching tv, I had just assumed it wasn't the same as my own childhood.

but alcohol is alcohol.

I didn't have a drink last night. This thread was on my mind all the time. Particularly your post heartbroke.

If I told my GP about this, what would he do? I seriously don't want to go to an AA meeting. Are there one-to-one counsellors who deal with this stuff??????

Thanks for the posts. My eyes have really been opened.

Communicator

thanks phoenix. I'll get that book.

I CAN stop when I start and I've never gone past one bottle. Having said that, that's mainly because I only buy one bottle and can;t get back out to buy a 2nd one as the little fella is asleep. So who knows what would happen if there was a 2nd one in the fridge.

I have had one glass and put the bottle back until the next day. I've actually done that many times. Whether that means I'm not an alcoholic or not, I don't know. There's a fine line between being an alco and drinking heavily I guess. I'm never sure if it's the REASON you drink that makes you an alco, or the QUANTITY???

Anyway, no wine for me tonight. For defo.

Beruthiel

I adore wine. There is nothing like a good bottle.
However, I confine myself to Friday and Saturday nights.
I never drink on a school night

Cut down the days you drink, that way you can still enjoy a good vintage at the weekends.

Nightsky

If your posting this you obviously do think you have a problem so why not stop!Next week the kids are off school so its the perfect time to try and break the routine.Why not try some other ways to relax yourself like going for a walk or going to the gym.Exercise is a brillant way of relieving stress and making you feel better about yourself.:pac:

John Mason

why dont you go without any alcohol for a week?

i bet you cant do it or will go through major withdrawl.

you have a drink problem, anyone who craves alcohol everynight of the week is an alcoholic.

why dont you find something else to do to de-stress

may be you should contact one of the alcoholic support groups

antiskeptic

Communicator wrote: »

I'm wondering are there any other 'wino's' out there like me? Before I go on, can I just say I'm using that term in gest...I think!

I'd say there are likely plenty - given that it's so easy to get into.

I found myself ramping up to 5 bottles a week (every night I was in for the evening basically) in the two years after the smoking ban came in. Up to that I'd drop by the pub maybe once every two weeks for a pint or two over the paper/book - but the whole point (a bit of relaxation) was lost when you had to scuttle out for a smoke every 20 minutes. So I got wine instead.

Because it goes down so easily and because you can have a glass while your making your meal, with your meal and after your meal and because it's only a pint and a half of liquid, it's very easy to finish the bottle. Which means you get the "alcohol glow". Which is the lure behind the alcohol trap. It's not something that would happen with an occasional pint or two.

I gave it to boot (which proved more difficult than I thought - *thumbs up* to Allen Carrs book on the subject) but noticed that secrecy/shame attached to my efforts. The bottles were hidden, I played down the amount I drank etc. Definite signs of addiction there.

Which was something I brought up with two good friends: the fact that I'd had a problem with drink. Lo and behold both of them turn out to be in the same boat - one considerig himself to have a wine problem going back 25 years!

nedoo

Its too much end of. If I went for 2 or 3 pints 5 to 7 times a week, would you say I have a problem? I would. Cut it back, have your btl at the weekend. School nights are not for drinking. If this is hard, get help as you have a problem. The fact that it runs in the family is a huge indecation that there is a danger zone there also
What if you needed to bring your kid to hospital in the middle of the night and you have a btl in you. You may feel fine but you are a danger to you, your kid and all of us on the road.
You know all of this, now the hard bit, take action.

TwoShedsJackson

Women aren't supposed to drink more than 14 units of alcohol per week and there's around ten units of alcohol in a bottle of 13% wine. So it would be advisable to drink at most a bottle and a half per week. You're drinking about three times that much.

I know exactly how you feel as I drank far too much from the age of about 20 until about two years ago (when I was 35). I gradually stopped drinking beer at home and concentrated on red wine, which I love, and only drank beer on nights out.

Starting about a year and a half ago I realised that I had to cut back purely from a psychological and physical health point of view - I wanted wine and when I drank it I felt terrible afterwards, it was wrecking my head, because I knew I wasn't drinking it the way it's supposed to be enjoyed, sensibly. Physically I put on weight due to it (there are about 600 calories in a bottle of wine so every six bottles is a pound of fat you've put on, or not lost if you're trying to lose it), and also eating junk food etc whilst under the influence.

Although I don't know you I can say for sure that if you feel the physical and/or psychological need to drink a bottle of wine nearly every night of the week, yes you have a problem.

Try to cut it back - there's no need to stop completely unless you have a real alcohol problem, have a bottle mid week (over a couple of nights) and one over the weekend - once you have managed this you will feel physically and psychologically much better, and this gives you the encouragement and reason you need to carry on.

You can reduce further then, if you wish, but there's no need to feel worried if you don't stop, you have to still enjoy life and relaxation 'sure you'll be dead long enough' as my Dad would say

If you need help there are counsellors etc. you can find - good luck

Communicator

Can I just clarify something here please?

I would never, and I insist, never, get in my car after having a drink. Never. Not even after the first sip.

Yes I've had to go out unexpectedly the odd time when I've had a drink. But I have always walked or got a taxi. I may drink but I am not stupid.

So my thoughts were right. There are alot of people out there like me. I really was trying to gauge peoples attitude towards wine particularly. That comment about it being easy to drink 1ltr of fluid most evenings, was bang on.

I will cut down. I will stop drinking during the week. And I will talk to my GP and see if he can refer me to someone to talk to. Thanks again for all input, it was greatly appreciated.

username123

Hi OP,
There ARE alternatives to AA - but AA has the highest success rate of any alcoholic support group.

I understand that someone you know who attended became a pain in the rear but dont knock it based on one person - thousands of different types of people go to AA - so I just think you could consider experiencing it for yourself before dismissing it - itd be different for everyone.

Before forking out money to your GP why dont you phone the Rutland Centre and ask them for some advice? They may be able to give you the names of specific alcohol related support groups or recommend someone to talk to.

Since reading your later posts I see you have also experienced alcoholism in your background, unfortunately there are many learned behaviours that come from that. Plus you MAY have a 'natural' predisposition to alcoholism.

You are doing the right thing, well done for addressing it before its a real problem.

Beruthiel

Communicator wrote: »

I will cut down. I will stop drinking during the week. And I will talk to my GP and see if he can refer me to someone to talk to.

That sounds like a plan.
I always drink lots of water between glasses. Try that too.

LegacyUser

Dear OP,

Just in relation to your son, I know your son would be in bed when you're having a few drinks but children are highly perceptive, and pick up on all sorts of things.

Just a few memories from my childhood. My childhood was grand, no complaints here, but I remember a friend of mine, I used to go around to her house every day, probably from the ages of 5 or 6, girl on the road, that kind of thing, I'd always notice the amount of empty bottles in a box outside her back door, I can't remember, wine or spirits. I was glad they weren't my parents. Children know the effects of alcohol, and its scary to them, as from your post I just read, you're aware from your own childhood. No child likes to think of their parent, who is their lifeline, their guardian in life, being out of control, that they couldn't take care of them.

My parents weren't big drinkers, in fact my dad never drank. But I remember a few occasions seeing my mom hungover, and I can honestly say it upset me, scared me. I was scared there was something wrong with her, I didn't know why she was in such a bad mood.

Your son, although not in the room for your drinking, will be fully aware of the fact that you drink. Who knows what he thinks of it, especially being an only child, no one else to confide in in the house.

You were looking to see if there were others who drank similarly to yourself? Why? Would it make you feel better that you weren't alone, or would it make it feel like not such a bad thing that others drank the same? Either way, you know what you have to do. Seek support for yourself, and get away from this dependency on alcohol.

arac

Hi OP,
I have read through this thread with interest and empathy..I found myself in a similar situtation. Although not exactly at the same life stage as you..I am 27 and childless at present..I would have found alcohol (and when I say alcohol I mean wine) gradually permeating my life in the last three to four years..the occassional evening glass of wine after work that was so heady and novel when I first started drinking it, a lovely treat; gradually turned into me going out of my way to pick up a bottle on my way home on most nights after work..the two girls that I lived with, I know, must have thought I was drinking too much wine...it wasn't like I wanted to get sloshed every night, it was simply that I enjoyed the way wine made me relax..but then I found that I simply wanted it after a day, not even a necessarily hard one. In short it became a habit, and a bad one. I would wake up every morning feeling groggy and dry throated, swearing that tonight I would definitely lay off the sauce (hah!) struggling to feel alive until about lunchtime when all the time really struggling at work to conceal to everyone that I had a hangover..now that is no way to live...I concluded to myself that it was as if wine had replaced the cup of tea. If you were visiting friends now, it was for 'a glass of wine' or 'let's meet up after work for a glass of wine', the perceived 'everyone else is doing it' attitude also left me feeling sort of vindicated in the direction my life was going as to wine and it's taken me a while to realise that that was completely deluded and dangerous.

So recently I have made a conscious decision to keep my wine for the weekend (like the lyric of a Lisa Hannigan song!), thus making it a nice treat again and thus reclaiming some of the genuine enjoyment that it used to hold for me and strictly banishing it from my life for what it was...a worrying and diasterously unhealthy part of a daily routine..I don't know about you but once wine is in your daily life, it becomes very hard to find release from it's clutches and thats what I found most difficult (it's amazing to be even typing this!)..but after the first wine free Monday, the next wine free Tuesday is a bit easier and so on..
It's probably easier in Summer to find evening distractions and alternatives to wine, like I just force myself to go out walking now in the longer evenings, or try wine free activities like the cinema and put on the kettle for a cup of tea if sitting down to watch the tv, instead of pouring a glass and resigning myself to drinking most of a bottle for the night. I know Winter will tell it's own story but the first step has been taking in addressing this tiresome habit..I don't think that you are an alcoholic op, you've just let it seep into your life nearly unnoticed the same way alot of us have..the sophisticated and elegant image wine portrays has made it's insipid entry into most people's lives so seamless and apparently unreproachable. At the end of the day we have to remember that it's alcohol and a potent and dangerous drug with the potential for abuse. I seemed to forget that and felt entirely justified every night uncorking yet another bottle, thinking that its cultural aura made it not as bad as drinking six beers in one go, when in fact drinking a bottle of wine was far worse for your liver..the crucial thing I learned was to curb it and nip in the bud..for me also reading things like incidences of throat cancer being more prevalent in those who drink more (not necessarily wine but alcohol in general) and the recent unfotunate demise of Jade Goody (I know not necessarily connected either but still) ..have just made me realise that your body is a precious thing also and that we must look after it properly and that must mean of course drinking less and taking a hold and stock of the more important things in our life...we all know what they are..
sorry if I am rambling here.. but I wish you all the best!