Yore da

Dudess

I was recently thinking about something that made me chuckle. It was when my periods started - and my mother was great to talk to, give advice etc about menstruation and other aspects of puberty/adolescence/sex. As for my dad though - not in a million years! And that was fine by me.

I remember they were watching TV and I called my mum out of the room to talk to her about this new development. After our exchange, she returned to watching TV with my dad and I decided, out of nosiness, to have a listen in. "Looks like she's started," said my mum. "Hrmmffff," said my dad. And that was that.
Can't understand why she felt the need to say it to him in the first place.

So, what was your relationship with your dads like in terms of the stuff that suddenly came to the fore at adolescence? Could you talk to him about e.g. lads? Or was it a no-no? Do tell...

Clare Bear

lol Oh God, my Dad is a pet but absolutely no way would we ever talk about anything like that, even the thought of it, he'd run a mile

spinandscribble

my dad is great with regard to that stuff. bought the stuff for my first period. the dote came back with one of every feminine product the store had just incase i didn't like what he brought. he'll offer to get me a take away or give me lifts if he knows i'm on and feeling miserable. his only downfall is his bi polar attitude to sex. one day its like "wait until you get married" (lol too late dad), the next its "you know, i wouldn't mind it if you had a kiddie at your age, i'd like a grandkiddie to play with"

Lockstep

spinandscribble wrote: »

one day its like "wait until you get married" (lol too late dad), the next its "you know, i wouldn't mind it if you had a kiddie at your age, i'd like a grandkiddie to play with"

I know the feeling.

Faith

I don't think I'd ever talk to my Dad about anything personal, tbh.

Michellenman

My mam tells my dad all the kinda personal stuff which I don't mind. I'd rather her tell him than me have to tell him, well, not just him. Anyone other than my mam in my family. For the girly stuff anyway.

lemon_sherbert

Funny, I could never talk about either with my parents. We are the type of family where I was given a book about 'those matters' and that was it. Now I'm older we still can't talk about sex issues, and I'm still sent out for copious cups of tea when anything steamy comes on the television. I'm 20 years old! Though I think my Dad definitely knows more than he lets on:eek:

mud

Great post Dudess, really set the scene!

I know I've posted it here somewhere before but my Dad was the one I went to when all that girlie/womanly stuff kicked off.

He was and is still great about that sort of thing but gets very quiet when boys are brought home

sam34

no way, couldnt discuss this with my father at all.
way too cringe-some.

i remember my mother told him when i started my first period, and he said it to me the next day, both of us totally embarrassed.

never ever discussed anything else to do with puberty or sex with him.

altho i do remember him saying to me the day i left for college "look after yourself physically" - ie "dont get pregnant"!

Nightwish

I dont talk to my father about anything at the best of times let alone about personal stuff. When I lived at home, we never got on and were fighting a lot. Our relationship is ok since I moved out.

MJOR

My Dad was the best ever..... I remember him telling me to be careful and that being pregnant wasn't the worst thing I could do but If i "caught something" I'd ruin my life! :Dlol. Wise and quite amazing given he was at least twenty years older than all my friends dads.

He had a great way about him and made endless cups of tea at one in the morning for all my bawling friends that were upset due to break ups or arguements.

He had an unbelievable way about him and always stood up for and believed and supported me. I am cal just like him.

I miss him lots and know when i get married I'll be jittery walking down the ailse with my brother instead who is hyper.

allandanyways

Jayz, yous all got away lucky... My mam tells my dad everything, like I mean everything, he's so clued up on all of our cycles it's scary.

I got my first bra when I was eleven, while mam cried, dad casually gave me a m&s voucher and told me to go wild the next time i was there... I got my first period when I was 12 in Menorca and was understandably distressed... Dad bought mam a cocktail to calm her down (I'm the eldest so all this was very emotional for her) and gave me money to get pads out of the vending machine to put in my handbag "to be on the safe side"...

Now, two out of my three sisters have started aswell and the third one just got a bra. Dad is almost disturbingly open with all of us, claiming to know it all having been through it with mam. He regularly updates us on interesting menstrual-related articles he's found on medical websites (how to ease cramps etc) and asked me which tampons I thought were better for my sister, seeing as she's thinner and probably has a lighter flow (heard this from mam apparently, could have asked my sister though).

He has our different period dates marked on the calender- mine's a flower, sister B has a heart and sister C has a sunshine (so he knows when to expect trouble)... Even when he was in hospital for years he used to warn whoever had periods not to come to visit cos he was in no mood for arguing...

He's no spring chicken either so he's not like a young cool dad (he's nearly 60).. nevertheless he provides the laughs even if they are slightly odd..

bnagrrl

My dad is great but I'd never in a million years discuss girly things with him.

Toots

I'd never discuss things like periods or sex with my dad (I'd never discuss my sex life with my mother either btw....way too weird ) but I'd definitely go to him with relationship problems and the like. He's very level headed and has a great way of giving me an objective point of view while being sympathetic and caring. And he's brilliant at coming up with solutions to my problems and cheering me up. I think I'm very lucky because I'm really close to both my parents and growing up I've never had to hide anything from them, whereas friends of mine whose parents would have been a good bit younger than mine found it very hard to talk to their parents about things.

Pinky Pixie

My dad is great I must say:). He is grand with all the girly stuff. He has even been send out on occassion for tamps :eek:! When guys are concerned he is grand. . . but I do get a talk how men are only after on thing, If I arrive home at 10am the next morning after a night out...even if I am only staying in the girls! When my last boyfriend met him he was completely terrified of the daddy! Funny stuff

rain on

Me and my da have three topics of conversation:
1. Cars
2. My job (this is basically him scoping out whether or not I'm likely to come round with the paw out any time soon)
3. My ma and how mental she is sometimes

Me and my ma on the other hand talk about everything and I mean everything.

Pherekydes

My two daughters, 9 and 11, were watching Knocked up last night (I didn't know-it was changed), and they saw the scene where the 4 principals are having dinner together and the fat guy says to the others that he wished he'd worn a condom on that night. So my 9 year-old turns around to me and asks what a condom was, how it worked, how it stayed on and how was it put on.

Oh jeez, lemme outta here. "Ask yore ma" I always find that changing the subject helps.

I cringe when they start asking me blunt questions (and they are totally blunt) about sex.

Guess I'm like yore das. :rolleyes:

Lilyblue

I am a Mammys Girl but my Dad was one of the sweetest men I have ever had the pleasure in knowing but no way would I have mentioned womens things to him, he was a little old school in that way. He was very loving and not afraid to show you. I could always depend on him for anything like a babysitter, lift, DIY or advice on different subects, I always knew if I needed him or needed anything he was always there. Miss him so much

Love & cherish your Daddy's, you only have one!

Dudess

Toots85 wrote: »

I'd never discuss my sex life with my mother either btw....way too weird

Ah jeez, I wasn't referring to the matter of one's sex life at all - I may talk to my mum about a lot of stuff, but that's a definite no-no!

Toots

Dudess wrote: »

Ah jeez, I wasn't referring to the matter of one's sex life at all - I may talk to my mum about a lot of stuff, but that's a definite no-no!

So you'd think...... one particular friend of mine has a scarily open relationship with her mother in that regard. I'm definitely no prude, but was over in her kitchen having a cuppa with her and her mum one day when the conversation turned to sex, and TBH, I found it really really awkward the way they were just openly discussing it!! *shudders* I mean some of the stuff they were discussing I wouldn't even discuss with my closest friends (even after a few drinks )

pyrite

My Dad is very much the old fashioned type, don't mention "women's troubles" to him, he's still a bit squeamish about it all! He's also in the dark about me and my siblings love lives, ignorance is bliss for him I think - when my sister moved in with boyfriend, he said "But sure, they'd just be flatmates, right? Like companionship? Not as man and wife?" :rolleyes:

Fast_Mover

My father is the old fashioned type aswell. Wouldnt talk to him about anything like that at all!! If I did I don't know who'd lose their life first, him or me!:D
Always found it stange when fathers played the 'mothers' role so to speak..just not use to it. I'd have friends who's fathers would go shopping, etc with them..just about getting my head it tbh! lol..

Aisling(",)

neither of my parents are told much about my life except for pc stuff like dancin and school.

not allowed have lads in the house even though im nearly 18 though my dads easier going about that kinda stuff then my mam.

The Sweeper

Mother is for: discussion of periods (no detail), occasional references to babies, updates on gossip in Ireland.

Da is for: going to pub, drinking pints, discussing who's a wanker.

The last time my mother bought me anything related to my period, it was a bag of sanitary towels that vaguely resembled hospital mattresses.

CathyMoran

Was always closer to my daddy so he was the one who helped me with 'womens things' - could discuss anything with him, though he is so tied up looking after mummy now (who is ill) that I never get the chance any more

watna

I'm a big daddy's girl but I definitely do not discuss intimate stuff with him. My mum, however, knows all the details. I was talking to her on skype the other day and I was telling her about my first smear test the other day. We were having a giggle and going in to a bit of detail. My dad walked back in the room and the conversation abruptly stopped!

My mum told my dad when I got my first brazilian wax and apparently he was really shocked. I was embarrased that she told him!

I'd be quite close to my Dad but he's for talking about what I'm going to do with my life and financial or practical things, he's the first person I go to for advice about most things - just not periods! Discuss most things with my mum and also my aunt - she's great for the lady chats.

MJOR - sorry to hear you're dad won't walk you down the aisle for your wedding - he may not be there physically but you know he will be there in spirit. The thought of my Dad not being there fills me with dread. There's a song "my old man" that I cannot listen to because it reminds me my dad won't be here for ever. When I read posts like yours it reminds me to appreciate him more.

allabouteve

Both my parents are now gone, but I have to say it would be highly unlikely I'd ever talk about anything personal to either of them.

But, if I had a gun held to my head and was forced to choose one of them to confide in, it would certainly have been Dad.

Das Kitty

My Dad has quite a few mental and personality disorders. He's basically a 14 year old boy in a man's body.

When I reached puberty he became quite inappropriate with me.

He took photos of me in my swimming togs and had one of them up in the mirror in the hallway (!). He kept my younger brother and me up late to watch a smutty French film. A lot of little things like that. The gravity of them is still only coming to me piece by piece.

So no, not a person I would be talking to about things at all!

I remember my mother telling me about periods at 12, it was very basic but fine. We never talked about sex apart from the warnings of "Don't do what I did." (get pregnant at 19). In recent years we're more open, mainly initiated by me, it has helped us both.

jellie

my parents are divorced so i havent seen my dad regularly since i was about 15, but luckily they were still together when i just got my period and so have those memories of cringing when ads for sanitary towels or tampons came on the tv..

the worst was shortly after my parents split up & i fainted in school from my period (i get really really bad cramps). my mum who had always been available before had started doing a course so she didnt answer her phone when the school rang, and they ended up ringing my dad who had to come collect me. "whats wrong with you?" "i dont feel well ". just couldnt tell him. im sure he figured it out when i went to bed with painkillers & a hot water bottle when i got home.

Morgase

Couldn't be talking to either of them about girly stuff. Even now, no way! Oddly enough I'd be far more comfortable discussing such things with my boyfriend's mammy.

Girly things were simply not discussed in our house at all. I remember one very odd incident where my dad had to clean out / do something with the sewage tank. Anyway, myself and my mother were in the kitchen and he comes up to the window, wouldn't come into the house and said that there was a sanitary towel in the sewage tank and they shouldn't be put in the toilet. I think he was blaming me for it even though I had enough cop on not to do that. Very embarrassing for all concerned!

holdmyhand?

my dad is amazing. he had a son when he was 17 and raised him alone, then i came along, raised me alone, then 10 years later my lil sis arrived, so he had to start all over again. hes a doc so he is comfortable with womens bits. and having guys over or whatever was ok aslong as hes met them. was setting off with my friends to go to ****** and he just casually walks out and hands me a packet of condoms.... my friends mostly males were shocked.

in tesco another time, i had said there was a guy in my school i had been out with a few times and he was working there, i had metioned that this guy was a bit of the school cool kid, so wego to the drinks isle and the guy is there so my dad is down one end of the isle, im down the other 'hey, did the cream the doc give you for you know, your down there problem work' then walks away. the guy looks at me and like shuffles away.

he has always spoiled us and let us have our independence and freedom etc, but on the condition that we resect and abide by whatever rules he doz lay down and just in good in general.

was in hosp last week with kidney probs and has a cathater (sp?) in poor guy