Yore da

Dudess

I was recently thinking about something that made me chuckle. It was when my periods started - and my mother was great to talk to, give advice etc about menstruation and other aspects of puberty/adolescence/sex. As for my dad though - not in a million years! And that was fine by me.

I remember they were watching TV and I called my mum out of the room to talk to her about this new development. After our exchange, she returned to watching TV with my dad and I decided, out of nosiness, to have a listen in. "Looks like she's started," said my mum. "Hrmmffff," said my dad. And that was that.
Can't understand why she felt the need to say it to him in the first place.

So, what was your relationship with your dads like in terms of the stuff that suddenly came to the fore at adolescence? Could you talk to him about e.g. lads? Or was it a no-no? Do tell...

Clare Bear

lol Oh God, my Dad is a pet but absolutely no way would we ever talk about anything like that, even the thought of it, he'd run a mile

spinandscribble

my dad is great with regard to that stuff. bought the stuff for my first period. the dote came back with one of every feminine product the store had just incase i didn't like what he brought. he'll offer to get me a take away or give me lifts if he knows i'm on and feeling miserable. his only downfall is his bi polar attitude to sex. one day its like "wait until you get married" (lol too late dad), the next its "you know, i wouldn't mind it if you had a kiddie at your age, i'd like a grandkiddie to play with"

Lockstep

spinandscribble wrote: »

one day its like "wait until you get married" (lol too late dad), the next its "you know, i wouldn't mind it if you had a kiddie at your age, i'd like a grandkiddie to play with"

I know the feeling.

Faith

I don't think I'd ever talk to my Dad about anything personal, tbh.

Michellenman

My mam tells my dad all the kinda personal stuff which I don't mind. I'd rather her tell him than me have to tell him, well, not just him. Anyone other than my mam in my family. For the girly stuff anyway.

lemon_sherbert

Funny, I could never talk about either with my parents. We are the type of family where I was given a book about 'those matters' and that was it. Now I'm older we still can't talk about sex issues, and I'm still sent out for copious cups of tea when anything steamy comes on the television. I'm 20 years old! Though I think my Dad definitely knows more than he lets on:eek:

mud

Great post Dudess, really set the scene!

I know I've posted it here somewhere before but my Dad was the one I went to when all that girlie/womanly stuff kicked off.

He was and is still great about that sort of thing but gets very quiet when boys are brought home

sam34

no way, couldnt discuss this with my father at all.
way too cringe-some.

i remember my mother told him when i started my first period, and he said it to me the next day, both of us totally embarrassed.

never ever discussed anything else to do with puberty or sex with him.

altho i do remember him saying to me the day i left for college "look after yourself physically" - ie "dont get pregnant"!

Nightwish

I dont talk to my father about anything at the best of times let alone about personal stuff. When I lived at home, we never got on and were fighting a lot. Our relationship is ok since I moved out.

MJOR

My Dad was the best ever..... I remember him telling me to be careful and that being pregnant wasn't the worst thing I could do but If i "caught something" I'd ruin my life! :Dlol. Wise and quite amazing given he was at least twenty years older than all my friends dads.

He had a great way about him and made endless cups of tea at one in the morning for all my bawling friends that were upset due to break ups or arguements.

He had an unbelievable way about him and always stood up for and believed and supported me. I am cal just like him.

I miss him lots and know when i get married I'll be jittery walking down the ailse with my brother instead who is hyper.

allandanyways

Jayz, yous all got away lucky... My mam tells my dad everything, like I mean everything, he's so clued up on all of our cycles it's scary.

I got my first bra when I was eleven, while mam cried, dad casually gave me a m&s voucher and told me to go wild the next time i was there... I got my first period when I was 12 in Menorca and was understandably distressed... Dad bought mam a cocktail to calm her down (I'm the eldest so all this was very emotional for her) and gave me money to get pads out of the vending machine to put in my handbag "to be on the safe side"...

Now, two out of my three sisters have started aswell and the third one just got a bra. Dad is almost disturbingly open with all of us, claiming to know it all having been through it with mam. He regularly updates us on interesting menstrual-related articles he's found on medical websites (how to ease cramps etc) and asked me which tampons I thought were better for my sister, seeing as she's thinner and probably has a lighter flow (heard this from mam apparently, could have asked my sister though).

He has our different period dates marked on the calender- mine's a flower, sister B has a heart and sister C has a sunshine (so he knows when to expect trouble)... Even when he was in hospital for years he used to warn whoever had periods not to come to visit cos he was in no mood for arguing...

He's no spring chicken either so he's not like a young cool dad (he's nearly 60).. nevertheless he provides the laughs even if they are slightly odd..

bnagrrl

My dad is great but I'd never in a million years discuss girly things with him.

Toots

I'd never discuss things like periods or sex with my dad (I'd never discuss my sex life with my mother either btw....way too weird ) but I'd definitely go to him with relationship problems and the like. He's very level headed and has a great way of giving me an objective point of view while being sympathetic and caring. And he's brilliant at coming up with solutions to my problems and cheering me up. I think I'm very lucky because I'm really close to both my parents and growing up I've never had to hide anything from them, whereas friends of mine whose parents would have been a good bit younger than mine found it very hard to talk to their parents about things.

Pinky Pixie

My dad is great I must say:). He is grand with all the girly stuff. He has even been send out on occassion for tamps :eek:! When guys are concerned he is grand. . . but I do get a talk how men are only after on thing, If I arrive home at 10am the next morning after a night out...even if I am only staying in the girls! When my last boyfriend met him he was completely terrified of the daddy! Funny stuff

rain on

Me and my da have three topics of conversation:
1. Cars
2. My job (this is basically him scoping out whether or not I'm likely to come round with the paw out any time soon)
3. My ma and how mental she is sometimes

Me and my ma on the other hand talk about everything and I mean everything.

Pherekydes

My two daughters, 9 and 11, were watching Knocked up last night (I didn't know-it was changed), and they saw the scene where the 4 principals are having dinner together and the fat guy says to the others that he wished he'd worn a condom on that night. So my 9 year-old turns around to me and asks what a condom was, how it worked, how it stayed on and how was it put on.

Oh jeez, lemme outta here. "Ask yore ma" I always find that changing the subject helps.

I cringe when they start asking me blunt questions (and they are totally blunt) about sex.

Guess I'm like yore das. :rolleyes:

Lilyblue

I am a Mammys Girl but my Dad was one of the sweetest men I have ever had the pleasure in knowing but no way would I have mentioned womens things to him, he was a little old school in that way. He was very loving and not afraid to show you. I could always depend on him for anything like a babysitter, lift, DIY or advice on different subects, I always knew if I needed him or needed anything he was always there. Miss him so much

Love & cherish your Daddy's, you only have one!

Dudess

Toots85 wrote: »

I'd never discuss my sex life with my mother either btw....way too weird

Ah jeez, I wasn't referring to the matter of one's sex life at all - I may talk to my mum about a lot of stuff, but that's a definite no-no!

Toots

Dudess wrote: »

Ah jeez, I wasn't referring to the matter of one's sex life at all - I may talk to my mum about a lot of stuff, but that's a definite no-no!

So you'd think...... one particular friend of mine has a scarily open relationship with her mother in that regard. I'm definitely no prude, but was over in her kitchen having a cuppa with her and her mum one day when the conversation turned to sex, and TBH, I found it really really awkward the way they were just openly discussing it!! *shudders* I mean some of the stuff they were discussing I wouldn't even discuss with my closest friends (even after a few drinks )

pyrite

My Dad is very much the old fashioned type, don't mention "women's troubles" to him, he's still a bit squeamish about it all! He's also in the dark about me and my siblings love lives, ignorance is bliss for him I think - when my sister moved in with boyfriend, he said "But sure, they'd just be flatmates, right? Like companionship? Not as man and wife?" :rolleyes:

Fast_Mover

My father is the old fashioned type aswell. Wouldnt talk to him about anything like that at all!! If I did I don't know who'd lose their life first, him or me!:D
Always found it stange when fathers played the 'mothers' role so to speak..just not use to it. I'd have friends who's fathers would go shopping, etc with them..just about getting my head it tbh! lol..

Aisling(",)

neither of my parents are told much about my life except for pc stuff like dancin and school.

not allowed have lads in the house even though im nearly 18 though my dads easier going about that kinda stuff then my mam.

The Sweeper

Mother is for: discussion of periods (no detail), occasional references to babies, updates on gossip in Ireland.

Da is for: going to pub, drinking pints, discussing who's a wanker.

The last time my mother bought me anything related to my period, it was a bag of sanitary towels that vaguely resembled hospital mattresses.

CathyMoran

Was always closer to my daddy so he was the one who helped me with 'womens things' - could discuss anything with him, though he is so tied up looking after mummy now (who is ill) that I never get the chance any more

watna

I'm a big daddy's girl but I definitely do not discuss intimate stuff with him. My mum, however, knows all the details. I was talking to her on skype the other day and I was telling her about my first smear test the other day. We were having a giggle and going in to a bit of detail. My dad walked back in the room and the conversation abruptly stopped!

My mum told my dad when I got my first brazilian wax and apparently he was really shocked. I was embarrased that she told him!

I'd be quite close to my Dad but he's for talking about what I'm going to do with my life and financial or practical things, he's the first person I go to for advice about most things - just not periods! Discuss most things with my mum and also my aunt - she's great for the lady chats.

MJOR - sorry to hear you're dad won't walk you down the aisle for your wedding - he may not be there physically but you know he will be there in spirit. The thought of my Dad not being there fills me with dread. There's a song "my old man" that I cannot listen to because it reminds me my dad won't be here for ever. When I read posts like yours it reminds me to appreciate him more.

allabouteve

Both my parents are now gone, but I have to say it would be highly unlikely I'd ever talk about anything personal to either of them.

But, if I had a gun held to my head and was forced to choose one of them to confide in, it would certainly have been Dad.

Das Kitty

My Dad has quite a few mental and personality disorders. He's basically a 14 year old boy in a man's body.

When I reached puberty he became quite inappropriate with me.

He took photos of me in my swimming togs and had one of them up in the mirror in the hallway (!). He kept my younger brother and me up late to watch a smutty French film. A lot of little things like that. The gravity of them is still only coming to me piece by piece.

So no, not a person I would be talking to about things at all!

I remember my mother telling me about periods at 12, it was very basic but fine. We never talked about sex apart from the warnings of "Don't do what I did." (get pregnant at 19). In recent years we're more open, mainly initiated by me, it has helped us both.

jellie

my parents are divorced so i havent seen my dad regularly since i was about 15, but luckily they were still together when i just got my period and so have those memories of cringing when ads for sanitary towels or tampons came on the tv..

the worst was shortly after my parents split up & i fainted in school from my period (i get really really bad cramps). my mum who had always been available before had started doing a course so she didnt answer her phone when the school rang, and they ended up ringing my dad who had to come collect me. "whats wrong with you?" "i dont feel well ". just couldnt tell him. im sure he figured it out when i went to bed with painkillers & a hot water bottle when i got home.

Morgase

Couldn't be talking to either of them about girly stuff. Even now, no way! Oddly enough I'd be far more comfortable discussing such things with my boyfriend's mammy.

Girly things were simply not discussed in our house at all. I remember one very odd incident where my dad had to clean out / do something with the sewage tank. Anyway, myself and my mother were in the kitchen and he comes up to the window, wouldn't come into the house and said that there was a sanitary towel in the sewage tank and they shouldn't be put in the toilet. I think he was blaming me for it even though I had enough cop on not to do that. Very embarrassing for all concerned!

holdmyhand?

my dad is amazing. he had a son when he was 17 and raised him alone, then i came along, raised me alone, then 10 years later my lil sis arrived, so he had to start all over again. hes a doc so he is comfortable with womens bits. and having guys over or whatever was ok aslong as hes met them. was setting off with my friends to go to ****** and he just casually walks out and hands me a packet of condoms.... my friends mostly males were shocked.

in tesco another time, i had said there was a guy in my school i had been out with a few times and he was working there, i had metioned that this guy was a bit of the school cool kid, so wego to the drinks isle and the guy is there so my dad is down one end of the isle, im down the other 'hey, did the cream the doc give you for you know, your down there problem work' then walks away. the guy looks at me and like shuffles away.

he has always spoiled us and let us have our independence and freedom etc, but on the condition that we resect and abide by whatever rules he doz lay down and just in good in general.

was in hosp last week with kidney probs and has a cathater (sp?) in poor guy

OldGoat

Dudess wrote: »

"Looks like she's started," said my mum. "Hrmmffff," said my dad. And that was that.
Can't understand why she felt the need to say it to him in the first place.

It seems to me that your da was interested enough in your development to be kept abreast of your status but wise enough to stay away from where he wasn't wanted. Your mam and dad obviously talked about you and how you are doing. Her telling him was to keep him updated and informed.
His 'Hrmmfffffff' speaks volumes, it says 'Thanks for telling me now shut up and lets never speak of this again until I am brought into back play as the last substitute off the bench'.

I know the 'status' of my girls even though we seldom speak of it. They know me well enough now to not try using 'cramps' as an excuse to get out of school or other activities. Yes da's CAN use calendars. They know that they can talk to me about anything but they choose to talk with Mrs. Goat first.
Perhaps I just don't give off enough sympathody.:rolleyes:

pow wow

My dad tries his best but is cripplingly shy about 'lady things'. The last time it came up was when I was about 14 and had to send him to the chemist on a Sunday to get some supplies; he came back with them wrapped in his jacket and when I asked him why he said they'd no brown paper bags left!

I don't discuss boys with him (or my mother really now that I think of it).

banshee_bones

awh i was a daddys girl for sure!
I could have told him anything and he was cool with it, honestly he knew how uptight my mam was about everything and he was a bit more streetwise so he knew the score, used to give me alibis, money, even told him when i had my first drink (bottle of smirnoff ice) he was so sound he just told me to "be careful drinking that stuff".
He passed away shortly before i brought home my first boyfriend so never got the chance to hear his views on that.

Not close to my mother in any way possible. My aunt is like a surrogate mother at this stage, id drink with her have a laugh with her, go for walks with her and shed be asking all about college and any love interests!

Malari

Never spoke about girly things with my dad. Although my mom wasn't that keen on my continual questioning on periods before I started puberty!

I mentioned that I had to go to the doctor recently, he wanted to meet for lunch or something, and he got all concerned. When I told him I was fine, it was just for the pill, he was all "Oh, well, yes. Em, sorry." Totally uncomfortable!

But I talk about most things with him. Not boyfriends, so much, but the only time I had my heart broken about 5 years ago, he was so great. He was nearly as upset as I was! When I arrived home after "the break-up" he gave me a big hug and actually started crying himself

Fletch123

Good thread- thinking about it now I've been able to be quite open with my Dad and he's supported me in a lot of ways.

When I got my first period my Mam told him, and when he collected me from her house a few days later (divorced) he said "So I suppose you'll be bungee jumping and horseriding for the next few days so". I looked at him puzzled and he said, "You know, like in all those ads". And I laughed and haven't felt awkward mentioning lady problems to him at all since. In fact only last year he suggested I talk to my doctor about changing my pill because of mood swings and narkiness (and I did and he was right!).

I talk to both my parents about personal things but my Dad reacts in a much more accepting and unworried way than my Mam. When I broke up with my first proper boyfriend my Mam was really angry at the fella and it was difficult to talk to her about it while my Dad would bring me for a walk or to the cinema and let me ramble away. And when I told them I was moving in with my OH (at the age of 20) my mother wasn't able to speak for about 5 mins while my Dad said that he was expecting it and asked did we have anywhere nice lined up.

It isn't until writing this down that I've realised that my Dad is and has been very sound and caring towards me, despite all our disagreements and fights over the years Thanks Dudess!

watna

Fletch123 wrote: »

And when I told them I was moving in with my OH (at the age of 20) my mother wasn't able to speak for about 5 mins while my Dad said that he was expecting it and asked did we have anywhere nice lined up.

Actually, on this note. When I moved in with my OH my mum freaked out and we had a huge row. Cue tears and storming out of the house. Even though I would consider my dad much more old fashioned he was quite relaxed about it and calmed us both down and sorted it out. I'd forgotten about that! I think it's because my dad trusts my judgement more than my mum does - I think she's more critical of me so she thought "I was wearing my heart on my sleeve" and being foolish.

That was two years ago, I still live with my OH - only in a different country! So my dad was right to trust my judgement.

I guess my dad is much easier to talk to about practical things - where my mum is no use. It's funny how this thread has made me remember that and appreciate that more!

Sinall

I arrived home after a biology lesson aged 10 and sat my dad down and explained to him in detail exactly how the female reproductive system works! My dad is the most patient and understanding man in the world and took it all in his stride. It was years later that my mother told me he was nearly crying after it and said to her "What are they teaching them in school these days??"

Dad was 41 when I was born but has always made a huge effort to be aware of what we are doing/what we were into/finding the energy to play with us when we were young. We are extremely lucky to have him and if I ever have kids I will be doing well to be half the parent he is.

Upon the occasion of my first menstruation I recall that I informed dad with great solemnity of the occurrence. Fair play to him, he managed to keep a straight face and congratulated me!

GirlInterrupted

My lovely father would have discussed anything with me if I'd wanted.

He might have preferred I'd chat to my mother about certain things, but he was stoic in his determination to be open to anything I might have to say, and always very considered and wise in his advice.

sam34

i just remembered one time when i was about 12 or 13, and my da was giving me a lift to school.he was waiting in teh car for me as i ran out of the house.
i mustnt have tied my schoolbag properly and a few pads fell out as i was running. of course, i didnt notice them, so my poor father was forced to tell me - he was all embarrassed and said "your tissues fell out". tissues, lol!
i had to go gather them up and then the rest of the journey was spent in awkward silence.

scary_tractors

Ahh some of these stories are gas!

Like a lot of ye I mainly talk to my mam about stuff like periods (we are very open, probably a bit too much so at times!) but he always knows. Because it's just the three of us if myself and Mam are really going for one another he can always tell if that's why, and I'll just tell him why I'm in a bad mood. More of the "harrumph"ing thing mentioned above!

Wouldn't ever ever talk to him about sex though, it just wouldn't be right! Not that we're prudish, but I think it would freak him out. We do talk a good bit though - I love when he drives me somewhere (rare these days as I have my own wheels) and we can have big chats. I often sound him out about bigger stuff as I don't want to tell my Mam things until I have decided them, because she worries too much.

So sorry for those of you whose Dads are gone, mine had cancer a couple of years ago and it was only after that I realised how precious our relationship (and my relationship with my Mam) really is.

Elle Victorine

When mine first kicked in my mother was away...I was hoping they'd hold off another 4 years but no...13..WHAT A JIP!!!! Anyway...two days later they go away (they as in a few drops) and my mother returns. I ask and she goes out shopping with my dad for my bits and bobs and my dad waltzes in with all my sanitary needs in hand proclaiming "I can't believe you were too embarassed to talk to me about it!!!"...:eek: <----that was all I could muster at the time.


I remember though in my secondary school girls getting them for the frist time in school and gettin really upset and embarassed cos only the older girls were around to steer them in the right direction...was kinda happy my dad responded the way he did after that.


As for talking about sex and boyfriends...after two and a half years he still doesn't know my boyfriend's name out of avoidance of the topic so that should answer that one lmao!

Ginny

I'd never go telling my dad stuff like that but I remember when I got my first period he made some comment the next days about me growing up and becoming a lovely young woman.
I used to suffer awfully with my periods when I was a teenager, not able to leave bed etc.. and my mum was away when I had a really bad one I remember my dad going to the shops and basically buying every type of tampon and pad as he didn't know which one I needed, it was so sweet.

MJor I really feel for you, my dad is just getting over a serious health scare and i don't know how I'd cope without him and his calmness.

metaoblivia

For my Dad, ignorance is bliss. He takes very little interest in my brother and my's personal lives. Just as long as we're happy, he doesn't care to know the details. Never was the kind of dad who wanted to have a "man to man talk" with any guy I brought home - just said a friendly "hello, have a good time." My mother was the one doing the interrogating.
I couldn't imagine talking about "girl stuff" with my Dad. When I got my period (I was 10), I remember I stood on top of the stairs where I could see my parents sitting in the parlor and called out, "Mom, there's blood!" and she got very excited and ran up the stairs, and my dad didn't even turn his head. He's very squimish about that sort of thing.

shezzie

ah i have to say i really do have a dad in a million - he always told me from early teens that i could talk to him but absolutely anything including those embarrasing topics - even stuff i would think he wouldnt like to hear that he wanted us to be father / daughter but also friends that was really important that there was a line between these especially as i got older and am now 32 we are great friends aswell as father daughter,

not to say i cant talk to my mother i talk to both but there is something nice bout knowing you can talk to your dad without fearing "god i cant talk to him bout this or that"

so mise is blessed:)

Salome

I remember asking my lovely Dad what a caesarian section was when I was about 11 - his answer "I think you better ask your mother" *gruffly, going puce from embarassment, rustling newspaper*

Liquorice

My dad doesn't usually get a choice in the matter 'cause it's all wimmin in the house otherwise and things like "I need some panadol, I've got cramps" "We need to buy some night-time pads" and "I need a lie-down, I'm on the rag" all come up naturally at dinner-time and, completely outnumbered, all he can do is roll his eyes. He's never asked but I don't think he needs to when we're all shouting down the hall at each other about periods.

midlandsmissus

You should all take a minute and count yourselves very lucky, as my parents divorced when I was 3, and my dad lives in England I used to see him every so often until he got a new girlfriend and he told me he never wanted to see me again :-( Haven't seen him in ten years now.

But hey, this life is very hard but you have to look on the bright side of things I guess.

Joey the lips

midlandsmissus wrote: »

You should all take a minute and count yourselves very lucky, as my parents divorced when I was 3, and my dad lives in England I used to see him every so often until he got a new girlfriend and he told me he never wanted to see me again :-( Haven't seen him in ten years now.

But hey, this life is very hard but you have to look on the bright side of things I guess.

He's only a swine I am sorry for you. My family was the same "Divorced" but my dad saw us all the time. The greatest thing my father thought me was to be honest daft:(

I can't even remember my mom giving me that talk. .

and I still can't speak to either of my parents about lads. .

MJOR

Another one he had was a good bit of advice....

You never regret what you didn't say!