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Would you cheat?

  • 26-03-2009 2:30pm
    #1
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,405 ✭✭✭NewFrockTuesday


    Hooowee!

    Its been one of those days where the jungle drums are beating non stop. It feels like everyone I know is cheating, planning to or has just found out they are being cheated on. Not everybody I know obviously, but those 3 scenarios are playing themselves out as I type.

    1. Lady A is cheating on her hubs. They are married about 6 years with 3 kids. This is potentially dynamite. Her hubs is a lunatic of the highest order. There can be no good end to this.
    2. Lady B is just at the cusp of clinching the deal. The air around them seems electric or something. Somebody just press the button and it’s a go.
    3. Man A is currently very very drunk in a pub in town cos his wife has just flung him out after finding emails from his dolly on the side.

    Now before anyone goes off on their giddy up about how bad it is to cheat – lets just say from the start that yes, cheating is bad etc. Its not a moral debate. Im asking if you have ever cheated – ever – and those of you in a relationship, would you cheat if you knew 100% you weren’t going to get caught? I give you jack the (very very sexy) fireman in Amsterdam on a girls weekend away. Would you? Now be honest!

    And if anyone else has any gossip, feel free to let the rest of us know :pac:

    Would you cheat on your other half 171 votes

    Im in a relationship and I would not cheat! Cheek of you!
    0% 0 votes
    Im in a relationship and yes I would and have. Drop of a hat.
    74% 128 votes
    Yep, I'd get my moneys worth from Jack - Im bored.
    13% 23 votes
    No. Yer all slappers
    11% 20 votes


«1

Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    It's spring time and the sap is rising as indeed are the saps.
    Such is life.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,819 ✭✭✭✭g'em


    OP, a serious question: what was your reasoning behind posting this in tLL?


  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 17,231 Mod ✭✭✭✭Das Kitty


    If the risk of being caught is all that's stopping a person from cheating, they shouldn't be in a relationship.

    Don't get how this couldn't be a moral debate tbh, surely the question you're posing is a moral one, no?

    Also what's this about €1000 spending money. To spend on what?:confused::P


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,405 ✭✭✭NewFrockTuesday


    Just wondering f anyone here has cheated g'em.

    Re the €1000 - soz - mistake...editing now.

    No..not exactly a moral debate - although feel free, I just didnt want it desending into a its bad/no its not as opposed to finding out is cheating as prolific as it apparently is. I mean, 3 cases of people cheating in one day? Thats a shocker I think seeing as I didnt suspect 2 of them at all. Maybe I havent phrased it clearly enough in the first post.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    G'em I might be wrong but I imagine she put the topic here, because she was looking specifically for womens views.
    I sometimes have problems coming up with threads, because I feel limited by a womens issues pigeon hole.

    Cheating just isn't in my character. I like to be straight up and honest with myself and that filters down to others.
    I reckon if I felt the need to view pastures green, I would discuss it with the old bloke.
    That might not be very nice, but that is the way I operate.
    I've never felt the urge though, I've never even fancied other people unless my old relationship was on its last legs.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,801 ✭✭✭✭Gary ITR


    Das Kitty wrote: »

    Also what's this about €1000 spending money. To spend on what?:confused::P

    anti biotics after picking up an STD


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,819 ✭✭✭✭g'em


    Deepsense wrote: »
    Just wondering f anyone here has cheated g'em.
    Moonbaby wrote: »
    G'em I might be wrong but I imagine she put the topic here, because she was looking specifically for womens views.
    I sometimes have problems coming up with threads, because I feel limited by a womens issues pigeon hole.

    Fair enough - I guess I got irked at such a sensationalist thread title. Having been cheated on myself I don't see the... humour? in a person's infidelity being labelled as "juicy gossip". And to generate a thread solely to discus other people's personal lives just seems a little demeaning. IMHO.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,405 ✭✭✭NewFrockTuesday


    Fair enough - I guess I got irked at such a sensationalist thread title. Having been cheated on myself I don't see the... humour? in a person's infidelity being labelled as "juicy gossip". And to generate a thread solely to discus other people's personal lives just seems a little demeaning. IMHO.

    I didnt mean it to be like that but I can see where youre coming from. KK. Can you retitle please? I dont want to offend anyone whos been through it at all.

    How about....Are you a cheater?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    And Ireland is after all a very small place, it' has happened on PI someone started a thread
    and then had a family memeber who is on boards read it or thier other half.

    I really don't think tLL needs a gossip girl thread.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,405 ✭✭✭NewFrockTuesday


    Its not that small.

    Its a simple question. You dont have to answer it.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,262 ✭✭✭✭Joey the lips


    Hi Girls, I spot this comin through on the new posts tampted to look, read it like a creap but then thought of a question?

    What would you think if men posted this subject?

    I would hope for ladies credability the result comes out good,

    Just a thought,!

    I would say if your in a relationship where your tempted to have an affair its not a relationship. You cannot possibly love your O/H.

    Just my perspective though


  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 17,231 Mod ✭✭✭✭Das Kitty


    I would say if your in a relationship where your tempted to have an affair its not a relationship. You cannot possibly love your O/H.

    I have to disagree with this.

    Just because you're tempted does not mean you don't love your O/H, however it is probably symptomatic of some serious issues in the relationship.

    It's another thing altogether if you're tempted and the only thing stopping you is fear of being caught.


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Never have, I strongly suspect I never would. Not in my nature. Yep I can be a card carrying slapper between relationships, but not in them. Even between I wouldn't have two people on the go.

    That said I'm not whiter than white in another way, as I have been the one someone has cheated with. Actually I would say well over two thirds of casual affairs I've had have fallen into that category. Mostly I didn't know at the time and I never knew the blokes, but sometimes I found out and still went back. Not for long though. The guilt took over.

    What amazed me, is how easily these cheaters could compartmentalise their behaviour. a couple even told me how much they loved their BFs and were going to marry him. Right up to the point where the naked stuff kicked in. I've heard same about men from women in that position.

    I've been cheated on a few times over the years. Didn't have a clue and neither did the other guy involved. Though once we met up and the result of that delicious airing of dirty linen you will find in the worst relationships thread;):). Yes it hurt me terribly, but now I see it as bullet(s) well dodged. I like to think I would spot the signs now and there were a few that were consistent looking back.

    As for the diffs between genders? I dunno. In my circle, many more of the women have done so than the men, but when I mentioned this to someone else, in his circle that trend was reversed. I think both men and women are capable of it. I would say that younger women(under 30) are more likely to do so than younger men and older men(over 30) are more likely to do so than older women. Though TBH I think that boils down to opportunity as much as anything. Younger women seem to have more options in general and ditto for older men. As I say I reckon 50/50 gender split

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    You are a fan of Jeremy Kyle et al Id imagine OP.:rolleyes:

    To refer to people cheating on their OH as juicy gossip would lead me to question your motives/cop on/intelligence.Your part of the post - see below
    1. Lady A is cheating on her hubs. They are married about 6 years with 3 kids. This is potentially dynamite. Her hubs is a lunatic of the highest order. There can be no good end to this.
    2. Lady B is just at the cusp of clinching the deal. The air around them seems electric or something. Somebody just press the button and it’s a go.

    conjures up an image of you sitting around with your hands clenched on front of waiting for someone to get caught.

    A couple of families,at least one with young kids could potentially get ripped apart and the way you are going on about it sounds (to me at least) like you find this entertaining.

    Is your life that empty that you need to feed off others misery??
    And if anyone else has any gossip, feel free to let the rest of us know


    Frankly you need to grow the hell up.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,819 ✭✭✭✭g'em


    nedtheshed attack the post and not the poster please, that was uncalled for.


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Das Kitty wrote: »
    I have to disagree with this.

    Just because you're tempted does not mean you don't love your O/H, however it is probably symptomatic of some serious issues in the relationship.

    It's another thing altogether if you're tempted and the only thing stopping you is fear of being caught.
    +1. I have been tempted or attracted to another when in a relationship, but that's where it stopped. I've even gone so far as to talk with the object of that attraction to find out why and what was maybe lacking from my own relationship, but that, as I say is where it stopped. Sometimes(well once) it did show me where the relationship was going wrong. I tried to sort that, but we were just incompatible. We split, but even then I didn't go back and seek out the one that tempted me, for some reason. I dunno, I think it would have made me feel like what we had in the relationship would be cheapened in some way? No clue.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,503 ✭✭✭✭jellie


    If you had ever been cheated on by someone you loved you wouldnt even consider it. I wouldnt do it to someone i disliked nevermind someone i was in love with.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    I have never and (would like to think) I will never EVER cheat on someone.
    I've never even been remoted tempted, when I'm dating someone I see them and only them. No other guys even make a blip on the radar.

    I've been cheated on a few times before & I never understood it. If you don't want to be with your OH / you want to be with someone else, break up, then go do your business.
    People can say what they like as excuses - but cheating is very bad in my book & most likely unforgivable.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    Nope. I've had really rocky patches in relationships where the option would present itself and a part of my brain would go "Do it!" but i would quickly tell it to shut up.

    It is not something that ever even entered my head when i am happy in a relationship.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,260 ✭✭✭jdivision


    As a bloke I've never cheated and wouldn't but have been with a number of girls I knew were.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,048 ✭✭✭Amazotheamazing


    I dunno, I used to think this was black and white, you either cheat or you don't, but the older I've gotten (not necessarily wiser), the more I realise that cheating just isn't a big deal for a huge amount of people. I used to think I would never cheat, still haven't and don't intend to, but in any long term relationship the potential for the "Grass is Greener Syndrome" kicks in.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,844 ✭✭✭Honey-ec


    I would imagine you're going to get a fairly skewed response on this, OP, as I can't really see many people who have cheated or would consider it admitting to it for fear of being outed.

    I cheated once, years ago (jsut snogging). It was at the tail-end of a very crappy relationship and to be honest, it was the catalyst that made me realise the relationship was going nowhere and that I was better off out of it. I've no regrets whatsoever about it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,160 ✭✭✭✭banshee_bones


    In my first relationship, ( i was 15 ) i kissed another guy, shouldnt have done it,i know that now, I also thought i got away with it too.
    Alas i was found out (would seem bloke in question was boyfriends-close friends-older brother!) and he broke up with me over it.
    Of course i only found out three years later that he knew and thats why we broke up - he never said at the time.

    It was only a kiss but I saw the repercussions and in my next relationship when the idea presented itself, i knew better. Therefore after my one indiscretion no i would never do it to anyone else. Also a lot older and wiser now!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,324 ✭✭✭✭Cathmandooo


    Unless I'm oblivious to it then no, cheating doesn't seem to rear its ugly head in my group of close friends / family.

    I've seen it happen though with people outside my circle though, friend of a friend type thing. It's sad to see girls being cheated on again and again and forgiving their boyfriends and vice versa. If it happened once then I do think there's still room for discussing things and working out why it happened and what can be done in the future, and see if the trust can be rebuilt. Everyone's human and can make a silly mistake. To cheat twice or more should be an automatic dumpable offence. No excuses are acceptable, they'll always do it again imo.

    Personally, no I've never cheated or been cheated on and I'd like to assume neither will ever happen.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,960 ✭✭✭allandanyways


    Nope, never have and never will. The thought of another girl kissing etc my OH makes my skin crawl, I know people say forgive and forget, but I probably wouldn't be able to even look at him for a very long time if he ever cheated on me, reckon he feels pretty much the same...

    I've had moments where I've thought "If I were single...." but never, ever, ever would I act on it, it's just too horrible of a thing to do to a person, what a way to make them feel like they mean nothing to you...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    It's just not on the agenda at the moement for me ( or her)

    Seriiously NO NO NO .


  • Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Cedric Straight Armchair


    Never have, never would. He's everything I could ever ask for as it is, even if it wasn't totally against my nature to do such a thing.
    Have been cheated on also so , that adds to it too


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,661 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    I never have and I certainly hope I never would. I can't think about being with anyone other than my OH right now. Why would I possibly want anyone else? And I just think about how crushed I'd be if he cheated on me, so I could never put anyone through that pain.

    Unless it was Ryan Reynolds, but he's on my list...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,285 ✭✭✭DancingDaisy


    I can't ever imagine cheating, I've been with my OH almost 3 years and can honestly say I haven't looked at another guy in that way in these last three years.

    I think that if it gets to that stage then you know something is wrong, that there is something missing in the relationship.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭Peared


    The first page of this thread is a great example of why I stay away from the LL a lot of the time.

    Anyhoo, I disagree that looking at somebody with lust in yer eyes is a sign the relationship is in the sh1tter. It's possible to have thoughts and desires about other people and still be happy in your relationship. It's just a lot easier to tell yourself it's not normal but imo it is.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    I cant understand how people can get away with it in such a small country - everywhere I go I meet people I know and generally bump it someone when abroad as well. How do people manage to have affairs for years and no one know...

    I have done it in the dim and distant past but now consider it a sign of a very weak character (myself included back then).

    Life is too short to treat people like cr@p and at the end of the day, the shame hurts the guilty party as much as the action hurts the innocent partner


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭Puddleduck


    No, never have and never would. Im similar to some of the other posters here that when Im in a realationship I only see him.

    OP, I honestly dont know how you do it, How you can sit there knowing that these people are ruining their marraiges, especially those that have kids. Having been cheated on (I think) I know how horrible it is. Its an unforgivable offence to me.


  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 17,231 Mod ✭✭✭✭Das Kitty


    Puddleduck wrote: »
    No, never have and never would. Im similar to some of the other posters here that when Im in a realationship I only see him.

    OP, I honestly dont know how you do it, How you can sit there knowing that these people are ruining their marraiges, especially those that have kids. Having been cheated on (I think) I know how horrible it is. Its an unforgivable offence to me.

    So you think she should stick her oar in then?

    Really?


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,405 ✭✭✭NewFrockTuesday


    Ah now nedtheshedoutragedfromclontarf. Thats out of line. I took the bang on the nose and have said I could have phrased it better. I wrote it when I was astonished at the levels of infidelity being practised.
    OP, I honestly dont know how you do it, How you can sit there knowing that these people are ruining their marraiges, especially those that have kids. Having been cheated on (I think) I know how horrible it is. Its an unforgivable offence to me.

    Its none of my business. If people choose to destroy what they have created over a good few years, its not my place to wade in. For the record, I do have an opinion on their cheating, but its mine and Im not going marching up to then wagging my finger. Its a desperatley sad situation - contrary to how I may have come across in the op, Im aware it sounds really seedy but it wasnt meant to be that way - and I do wonder that in the madness of the affair, do they realise what they are doing and the inevitable consequences.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    Deepsense wrote: »
    Ah now nedtheshedoutragedfromclontarf. Thats out of line. I took the bang on the nose and have said I could have phrased it better. I wrote it when I was astonished at the levels of infidelity being practised.



    Its none of my business. If people choose to destroy what they have created over a good few years, its not my place to wade in. For the record, I do have an opinion on their cheating, but its mine and Im not going marching up to then wagging my finger. Its a desperatley sad situation - contrary to how I may have come across in the op, Im aware it sounds really seedy but it wasnt meant to be that way - and I do wonder that in the madness of the affair, do they realise what they are doing and the inevitable consequences.


    Fair enough and I apologise for any offence caused.Your OP just sounded very sensationalist to me.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭Puddleduck


    Das Kitty wrote: »
    So you think she should stick her oar in then?

    Really?

    No, but I dont know how she can look at it as some form of entertainment or something. Frankly if someone flat out told me they were cheating on there partner then Id tell them my opinions on it.


  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 17,231 Mod ✭✭✭✭Das Kitty


    Puddleduck wrote: »
    No, but I dont know how she can look at it as some form of entertainment or something. Frankly if someone flat out told me they were cheating on there partner then Id tell them my opinions on it.

    As far as I can tell no one told her flat out that they were cheating, she just said she found out about them.

    I agree it's not entertainment though, but I reckon OP does too.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,405 ✭✭✭NewFrockTuesday


    Your OP just sounded very sensationalist to me

    Yah. It was hyper prose. Done in a hurry and with little though. Lets leave it there.
    As far as I can tell no one told her flat out that they were cheating, she just said she found out about them.

    I was told via phone calls. Literally one straight after the other. Thus my gog eyed response.
    I agree it's not entertainment though, but I reckon OP does too

    Nope - defo not entertainment. Its sad and I can see an incredible ammount of hurt down the line.

    Going on the poll results to date, options 2 & 3 give a combined %age of 7% of people who would be up for it outside the relationship. Thats far lower than I had anticipated given the stats that I see in PI and dotted around other forums. (I know its the net, but the stats were all fairly similar)

    2 firsthand calls (I know the cheaters very well) and the other was from the cheater themselves. A good friend by all accounts. But she knows my view on this and just wanted to make sure we are still cool as friends. Puddleduck, I love my friend dearly. Shes going through enough turmoil without me adding my 2 cents. Shes aware of my overall feelings on this subject and therefore we have no need to discuss it in fine detail over the phone. We might over a glass of wine sometime when we are alone, but tbh, we're adults and make our own choices in life. I know I wouldnt appreciate any patronising input if I had made a decision to go ahead and persue what I percieve to be happiness.


  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 17,231 Mod ✭✭✭✭Das Kitty


    Deepsense wrote: »
    Nope - defo not entertainment. Its sad and I can see an incredible ammount of hurt down the line.

    Sorry, I phrased it badly, I meant that I reckon you agree that it's not entertainment either, going on your subsequent posts.

    And I was saying that no one told you: "Hey, I'm cheating on my wife / husband", that you heard it from a third party. I'm assuming?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    Would never cheat.

    But when I read people saying they never even notice other people when they are in a relationship, they are lying and just being more relationship than thou.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    stovelid wrote: »
    But when I read people saying they never even notice other people when they are in a relationship, they are lying and just being more relationship than thou.

    Obviously you can see other people, but none register as 'oooh look at him I quite fancy a bit of that'. Someone like Brad Pitt could come up and ask me to marry him & I'd say 'I got the perfect guy right here'. I say that in all honesty, no 'holier than thou' attitude, it's just who I am.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    Of course some couples , married or nay will look ,admire ,fantasize and even flirt a bit with opposite sex .It's a human trait .Many wont like to admit to but many will .


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,053 ✭✭✭mollybird


    ya i cheated on one guy before but i was very young (20) and he was twice my age and i was living over in the states but every relationship i have been in since i most certainly have not.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,967 ✭✭✭Pyr0


    It's perfectly normal to look at other men and women, I don't know why people say "I've only ever looked at you in that way", I never believe it 100% but I do see the meaning behind of it :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    I have cheated in the past, I have been cheated on - and no, I would not cheat on my current partner as things stand. :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,048 ✭✭✭✭Snowie


    I dont understand people who cheat I mean there staying with there wife/husband...
    Going of with some one yet coming home to them, I mean if your unhappy in something why stay that way why be missribble? and have a fling ?why not sort the problems out ?with some the person you once may of loved and live with ?
    why go behinde that persons back how can that help ? why would it help?

    Ive never cheated on some one and to be honest i think if i was in a reletionship that was going that stale id leave or dicuss the options with the woman i marry if i choose to marry not go behinde her back....

    its sad like, its sad that people wont help them selves, why wont they help them selves ?


    It doesnt make much sence to me


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,440 ✭✭✭GirlInterrupted


    I've never cheated, and I don't think the circumstances exist where I would.

    I've been cheated on, and its a horrible experience to endure and I don't believe I have the character trait necessary to do that to another person.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,072 ✭✭✭SeekUp


    star-pants wrote: »
    If you don't want to be with your OH / you want to be with someone else, break up, then go do your business.

    I agree.

    I'll be the first person to admit that hardly anything is black and white, and infidelity is no different. I'm sure people cheat for various reasons, and while it doesn't make it okay, in many cases, it's certainly understandable.

    That being said, I think life is messy enough without adding fuel to the fire. If you want to be with someone else, be with them. And if that ends your current relationship, so be it. And if that means you have to find somewhere else to live, then do it. The sneaking around is what kills me -- if you're adult enough to make your own decisions, you should be adult enough to face the aftermath.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,626 ✭✭✭shezzie


    just dont understand the cheating thing - i am in a realtionship and would never and have never cheated - if you are that miserable in a relationship to wanna be with someone else just break the relationship - it is an incredably hurtful thing to happen - i was cheated on we were together nearly 4 years - it took a while to get over - you simply cant have your cake and eat -and what comes around will go around


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 570 ✭✭✭Salome


    I can see how people can be tempted tbh. But not me. An ex was in town yesterday and texted me - it was friendly "how are you, what's happening in your life, how's your lovelife" banter for a while and as the day went on, the texts gradually became more flirty. In a previous life, I would have been very tempted to meet up with him but not now, I know what I've got and I would HATE to lose it on account of me philandering with this philanderer! Flattering as it was, he was recounting how much fun we had, I wouldn't go near him in a heartbeat - I have what I want at home.


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