Dreading this weekend!!!

LegacyUser

Hi i hope someone can give me some advice, i am just DREADING the coming weekend...

My partner and i are together 5 years on March 13th, his birthday is the 15th of march , he will be 27, i am 24, living together 3 and a half years.

I have a Meal booked on the Sunday night(the 15th). we are celebrating both(his bday and our annivsery) this weekend Then we are going to Cork on Monday for a charity match and going out that night.

Thing is Saturday we are both going out for the liverpool/utd match(we are both big footy fans) The rugbys on after it but iv no interest in that so ill head home after it and he said he will be home after the rugby. He will be in the pub basically 6/7 hours- fair enough.

But The last time he said he would be home after a match when he came back i got a torrent of abuse of his mates calling me" his mammy" and telling me to "feck off its his life not up to me when he comes home", And the reason they do this is because if his mates say "stay out for another few" he always says "Ah i cant the missus will be giving out" Basically placing the blame on me when i never opened my mouth, and i get abusive texts off his friends.

Hes hinting he wants to stay out for the night after the matches, the problem i have is the last time he was out in the pub for a match and stayed out all night he came home and left the door to our house WIDE OPEN and fell asleep on the couch(we live in the middle of the town so anyone could have walked in), . Only for i got up for a drink and noticed it would have been open all night. Now to be honest i am not staying up until 3/4am just to make sure he doesnt leave the door open again. He doesnt normally do this but when he goes out for matches he gets SLAUGHTERED trying to be a big man keeping up with the boys!

Also when he drinks like this he cant eat the next day- so am i supposed to cancel our meal just because he made a pig of himself the night before.

I really dont want to tell him what to do, im not his mother, and i feel like a complete NAG! But it was HIS suggestion to go for dinner and his suggestion to make this weekend about "our annivsery as well as his birthday".

Ive spoken to him about it and he said he will come home after the rugby, but i know him he will more than likley stay out, and if he DOES come back i face a night of texts from his mates calling me a nag

Just any advice would be great.Thanks

Bottle_of_Smoke

Its a special occasion for you both, he can tell them that without suggesting you're a nagging mammy, if he really feels he has to give an excuse.

Stheno

Why not do the meal on Friday?

As for him coming home slaughtered and leaving the front door open, that's a bit much, as is his citing your giving out as his reason for him having to come home.

You might want to consider sitting down and chatting about your arrangements, if you have no problem with him going out with his mates once he doesn't compromise your safety by coming home so drunk he doesn't even close the door, then you could possibly compromise?

RedXIV

Personally, i reckon your best bet is making him want to come home. I was reading a book in the OH's house about "managing men" for a giggle but one or two of the points stuck, namely, if you convince him to do something that he thinks is his idea, it'll be alot more appealing. so instead of trying to convince him to come home, try to get him to want to come home.

What would work on me would be "you're staying out for the rugby match? Great that gives me time to prepare your present *saucy wink*" even if it's not his real present, if he thinks he's coming home to something really good, i guarantee he'll make his way home. and it doesn't have to be something flash, just seduce him when he gets in. could be a lapdance, a bath together, or even some fantasy costume he might be into like nurse or french maid?

just my 2c

LegacyUser

nouggatti wrote: »

Why not do the meal on Friday?

He works late on Fridays , but changing the meal to a different day is a good idea...

nouggatti wrote: »

As for him coming home slaughtered and leaving the front door open, that's a bit much, as is his citing your giving out as his reason for him having to come home.

He has only done that once in all the time we have been together, but he shouldnt have done it at all...and it scares me to think who could hae walked in. With the other thing He claims he only says that in "banter" but it is annoying and the fact i get the abuse is not fair.

nouggatti wrote: »

You might want to consider sitting down and chatting about your arrangements, if you have no problem with him going out with his mates once he doesn't compromise your safety by coming home so drunk he doesn't even close the door, then you could possibly compromise?

I have talked to him about this, he says he sorry that he did close the door but must not have pushed it hard enough (bla bla bla i know what its like when your drunk- still no excuse) Hes normally a very sensible drinker thats what annoys me.

Silverfish

Sounds more like his mates are the nags, to be honest.

Nervous Wreck

I think your first step should be to sort out his friends! They sent you abusive messages and he's okay with that!? If any of my mates sent my gf abusive texts, they'd be gettin slapped.

LegacyUser

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

I think your first step should be to sort out his friends! They sent you abusive messages and he's okay with that!? If any of my mates sent my gf abusive texts, they'd be gettin slapped.

Well they are my friends boyfriends too. Ive said it to my friends and they said their boyfriends were "just trying to get a rise out of me" and "just trying to get me to let the bf out"

The bf just texts them and says "it was my decision to come home so quit it" Thats normally the end of it... until the next time:(

babyjames

His mates are assholes, I had the same lifestyle before I got married. ( Jesus lads she will kill me if I stay) It makes us men feel big. Can I suggest that you go and watch the footie, Then feign intrest in the rugby and ask him to watch it at home with you and a few beers ( make sure you have more than enough so he won,t run out and have to go out anyway) remind him of how much you are looking forward to your break away and what a great time ye will have. Hope this helps I did the same as your partner when we were just going out. He should tell his mates to back of and stop sending you nasty texts sounds like a lot of jealous lonely gits. I never got that from my mates and my local was not a lounge bar but a pretty tough back lane pub. I hope ye enjoy the weekend and best of luck.

Rgds

feellikeaNAG wrote: »

Hi i hope someone can give me some advice, i am just DREADING the coming weekend...

My partner and i are together 5 years on March 13th, his birthday is the 15th of march , he will be 27, i am 24, living together 3 and a half years.

I have a Meal booked on the Sunday night(the 15th). we are celebrating both(his bday and our annivsery) this weekend Then we are going to Cork on Monday for a charity match and going out that night.

Thing is Saturday we are both going out for the liverpool/utd match(we are both big footy fans) The rugbys on after it but iv no interest in that so ill head home after it and he said he will be home after the rugby. He will be in the pub basically 6/7 hours- fair enough.

But The last time he said he would be home after a match when he came back i got a torrent of abuse of his mates calling me" his mammy" and telling me to "feck off its his life not up to me when he comes home", And the reason they do this is because if his mates say "stay out for another few" he always says "Ah i cant the missus will be giving out" Basically placing the blame on me when i never opened my mouth, and i get abusive texts off his friends.

Hes hinting he wants to stay out for the night after the matches, the problem i have is the last time he was out in the pub for a match and stayed out all night he came home and left the door to our house WIDE OPEN and fell asleep on the couch(we live in the middle of the town so anyone could have walked in), . Only for i got up for a drink and noticed it would have been open all night. Now to be honest i am not staying up until 3/4am just to make sure he doesnt leave the door open again. He doesnt normally do this but when he goes out for matches he gets SLAUGHTERED trying to be a big man keeping up with the boys!

Also when he drinks like this he cant eat the next day- so am i supposed to cancel our meal just because he made a pig of himself the night before.

I really dont want to tell him what to do, im not his mother, and i feel like a complete NAG! But it was HIS suggestion to go for dinner and his suggestion to make this weekend about "our annivsery as well as his birthday".

Ive spoken to him about it and he said he will come home after the rugby, but i know him he will more than likley stay out, and if he DOES come back i face a night of texts from his mates calling me a nag

Just any advice would be great.Thanks

Telling you to stop being a mammy isnt abusive. Not at all. Most lads have mates like this who, while normally wouldn't have your gf's number, would still say the same thing. It's not meant in a "screw that biitch" way at all. Just lads being lads.

It's up to him to not be too hungover for the dinner the next day. If he's is then it's his fault, not his mates.

dudara

The lads may think they are being hilarious, but their texts are hurting you, and he should see that.

It sounds as if his friends aren't quite mature enough yet.

Additionally, if he is drinking to such a degree that he can't remember to shut the door, then he might want to call himself aside.

bubblewrap

That winds me up, why don't men have a mind of their own?

My bf's brother has the attitude " She is already going to be mad so I may aswell stay out longer", I hate it!!! :mad:

MeMyself&I

OK your boyfriend needs a good swift kick up the behind. Can he not just make the effort and come home early, just this once, why the drama and the dread.

He friends also need to be sorted, and if your are friends with their girlfriends, you should tell them that their boyfriends behaviour is uncalled for. but on saying that, you shouldnt have to deal with this, you boyfriend should have nipped this in the bud (is that the right saying??), how dare they verbally abuse you, just because you would like your boyfriend to come home after a 7 hour bender in the pub.

Im also good friends with my B'Fs friends girlfriends (), and we stick together, if they know i have something special planned then they tell their boyfriends not to take the p**s and come home early, and likewise i would do it for them.

This story has annoyed me actually, you are worrying over something that shouldnt actually be a worry. And i would not change the day of the meal, this has been organised, and if he ruins it, i would give him hell!!

MeMyself&I

Call his bluff and stay out and watch the rugby too!! He'll have to come home then.

I have no probs with my b'f going out with his friends, i like the time to myself, and i like making my own plans, so this isnt me coming down hard on men that go out.

but jesus christ on a bike, this is your special weekend, just stay on and watch the rugby, and tell you b'f that you want to spend as much time as possible with him this weekend, cos you love him, and your glad you made it 5 years together...blah blah.

Problem solved --- Elementary my dear Watson :cool:

iseeyou

Dont mean to totally wreck your weekend, but the Liverpool v Man Utd match has been moved to Sunday. Had a similar dilema over the drinking aspect but now it will be spread over two days, twice the fun!

MeMyself&I

ah, no way, so rugby on saturday, and footie on Sunday, well this is going to be a fun weekend.

Well at least the OP boyfriend can go out later on the sat night for the rugby, so less drinking time, and less of a sore head the next day, then they pair of them can watch the football on Sunday.

Maybe this might work out good?

Nevyn

If he can not curb his drinking to a reasonable level like a grown up for something like your birthdays what happens when other important occasions come around ?
I would not be putting up with that after 5 years, life is to short.

Gyalist

Seems strange to me that it's you making all the arrangements for the weekend when he would seem to prefer to be out drinking with his friends.

If you change the plans for the weekend then you will truly be his Mammy as a 27 year old should be man enough to honour his commitments.

useful_contacts

iseeyou wrote: »

Dont mean to totally wreck your weekend, but the Liverpool v Man Utd match has been moved to Sunday. Had a similar dilema over the drinking aspect but now it will be spread over two days, twice the fun!

where did you hear this? says nothing on sky sports or the liverpool website and no one iv spoken to has heard about it

Keith186

useful_contacts wrote: »

where did you hear this? says nothing on sky sports or the liverpool website and no one iv spoken to has heard about it

It's definitely moved to Sunday, they said it after the Man United match tonight on rte lol

Really though if he goes out for the Pool match at 12.30 he won't last til 3 or 4 if he's not a regular drinker, be home by 10.30 with a bag of chips I bet!

LegacyUser

Keith186 wrote: »

It's definitely moved to Sunday, they said it after the Man United match tonight on rte lol

if anyone can confirm this please let me know( need proof- websites, video of it being announced- i cannot find anything on it) because if the match has been moved then problem is solved

useful_contacts

feellikeaNAG wrote: »

if anyone can confirm this please let me know( need proof- websites, video of it being announced- i cannot find anything on it) because if the match has been moved then problem is solved

Its not true the match has not been moved, ive contacted every pool and united fan i know and no one heard it- and the sky sports website just stuck up a story and said twice on it the match is SATURDAY

*Cant PM this to OP as shes not registered hence why its on here

Silverfish

I don't think what day a match falls on is going to fix the OP's problem in the long term to be honest.


Can we stop discussing the day of the match now.

LegacyUser

Silverfish wrote: »

I don't think what day a match falls on is going to fix the OP's problem in the long term to be honest.


Can we stop discussing the day of the match now.

I asked to be informed, because it seems someones lied to me about the match being changed days- getting my hopes up with no proof.Why someone would do that i dont know its plain ignorant

Finding out the match day will help my problem, as if it was on sunday then my problem is solved

Silverfish

feellikeaNAG wrote: »

Finding out the match day will help my problem, as if it was on sunday then my problem is solved

Right but, what happens next year when it's your anniversary and his birthday again. Are you just going to live in hope that every special event doesnt clash with any matches or nights out with the lads?

LegacyUser

Silverfish wrote: »

Right but, what happens next year when it's your anniversary and his birthday again. Are you just going to live in hope that every special event doesnt clash with any matches or nights out with the lads?

this is the first time in the 5 years we have been together an event has clashed

Faith

I googled, and the BBC Sport website, and the Man Utd website are still saying it's on Saturday.

Could you feign an interest in the rugby and stay and watch it with him? He might be more inclined to leave when you do then. If he's still looking keen to stay, try whispering something really sexy or dirty in his ear, what you want to do to him yadda yadda yadda, and that might hurry him up.

Stay for the rugby and he still gets to watch it, and you get a bit more power over when he comes home.

Nevyn

feellikeaNAG wrote: »

this is the first time in the 5 years we have been together an event has clashed

So he has had 5 years of not having to make a choice, how this plays out
could well set the standard or what is the norm for your relationship.

There will be other sports matches there won't be another 5 year anniversary.

useful_contacts

Thaedydal wrote: »

So he has had 5 years of not having to make a choice, how this plays out
could well set the standard or what is the norm for your relationship.

There will be other sports matches there won't be another 5 year anniversary.

in all fairness she said they are both big football fans so she obviously wants to see it as well

kmick

Turn off your phone and go to bed early. You cant control him if he wants to come home he will come home if not he will stay out. If he is too sick to go out next day cancel the meal and have it another time.

Alternatively just stay out for the rugby.

Nevyn

The problem is not the football match it is his inablity to be sensible with his drinking.
He is going out and drinking to excess so that the following day he is fit for nothing
which means that they can not do anything for the rest of the weekend.

This is a pattern which the OP does not like, his drinking habits are effecting her
and thier relationship so much so that plans made for a specail event may not happen
or will with him being sub par due to being hung over.

His drinking is effecting her and thier life and thier reatlionship.
That is the problem.

If his drinking wasn't a problem he could go out have a few drinks and come home
to get enough sleep to be able to function the next day. He can't do this and is
blaming pressure from his 'mates'. Which I do no accept unless they are holding
him down and using a funnel to make him drink.

He is choosing his drinking and being a well hard one of the lads over his realtionship.
This is not a once off thing, it's how he lives his life and if he can not make an effort
for something like the birthdays and aniversay to spend time and make memories
with his partner who he lives with then she will have to make her mind up,
where on his list of priorites she wants to be and how much more she will put up with
in terms of stress, disappointment and having the blame put on her and being made
to feel she is in the wrong and she is a nag when he has a drinking problem and possibly no spine.