Guy says "There's no-one else but you, just not right now"

ellie1

Op. There is some cases where people have broken up, had some space and got back together and lived happily ever after!!!!
There is also what the the other posters have replied that basically he is looking for a way out.
If I was you, i would take a break from having any kind of contact(no texts emails,meeting up, sex ) take space from him and spend time with your own family and friends.
Take time to decide whether your willing to wait around.
Maybe no contact from both sides will help you both decide what you really want.

Sinall

Good idea, Ellie1...the no contact would help both sides to establish how they really feel.

Nevyn

If he really wanted to have a future with you he would be working with you towards that not holding on you pause.He has made you the ultimate fallback girl, the fall back wife to be.
The idea or dream of marrying him is being used to keep you intrested while
he does not want that in his life. He can do what he wants while keeping minimal contact
with you knowing you will take him back due to the castle in the clouds he has promised you.

If he has big issues he needs to sort out and changes to make to himself good but
there is the chance he will come out of that a changed person and you may not be
the person for him. He will have moved forward and you will not.

So one day he will have sorted himself out and will want to then have real relationship
wtih you and marry you ?

So one day he will have turned into your prince charming ?

So one day your prince will come ?

If he does have issues which are big enough that he can't or won't work through
them while in a relationship wtih you then he is either not that right person for you
or think that you would not be able to be there for him, which then begs the question
why marry someone if they can't be there for you or won't let you be there for them
" in sickness and in health for better or for worse" ?

barbeck23

I think that perhaps people can be too harsh in the above reponses, allowing their own personal experiences to effect their objective response... maybe (!)

Here's mine!

I suppose it depends on what sort of issues your boyfriend has to deal with. I am currently in a similar situation - we didnt live together and in fairness the person said from the start that they weren't ready - but love was bestowed on us anyway. The issues that my ex carries are very difficult - pertaining to their very existence and what path they will follow in life. I know that it's something that person must do on their own because if I stayed - they'd only take out their own frustrations on me. So I left - and cut contact for the foreseeable future. It was the only way for my own sanity - you have one life and you must live it for you - not someone elses issues....

I hope that makes sense. If it's meant to be - it'll come back - but don't sit around waiting for someone to sort their own **** out. You have your life to live.

Hope I've been some help. It gets easier, once you take your own destiny into your hands, instead of placing it in someone else

merlie

YoungFolks wrote: »

sex is important!not minor in the least!..you say it sounds sketchy but theres another way im thinking about it..

i would be the type of woman who always says what she feels ALWAYS,due to my upbringing i never let my loved ones go without hearing i love them as much as possible-its part fear of what if theyre gone tomorrow,part i love making people happy,and reminding people i love em tends to make em happy.btw im aware im a people pleaser...

my point is,i dont want to be one of those couples who hit a rough patch and just walk away because i truly believe nothing worth having comes easy.so i work at relationships,hard.i dont think they just happen!there are some days where you just think"if you leave a wet towel on the bed one more time...."and anyone who thinks its sunshine and lollipops is deluded.

so,do i walk away and say **** you i dont need this crap,or stay for the long haul...im not an idiot im just not as black and white about it as most people seem to be..

For anything to work long term, you must both have foundations set in place for this to happen. Trust, respect, honesty are the major factors that will tell long term if this is going to work all others play a secondary role. Thats why I say intimate relations is a minor factor in this, but none the less as important as care, love, understanding etc.

In the second paragraph you wrote, how you please others and like to make others happy...I have been there and I am that type of person too. But over the years I have learned that giving others happiness, doesn't necessarily contribute to your own, not in everything. You have to be a little selfish too otherwise you can become drained and stressed.

Well, also from your reply I gather you are the one who IS committed to this relationship for the long haul and work hard at it. Thats great! But he doesn't come across as someone who feels the same depth of commitment as you. When he told you that you were the one for him but not at this time, represents a man who isnt as committed to this relationship as you are.
His scale of commitment differs on a scale from yours.

Of course you worked hard at this relationship to keep it together. You live together etc and have some bond that keeps things going but at the end of the day, when he said what he said, it sounds like he wants to wander and see whats out there and maybe he will come back....who knows. But are you willing to sit on the side lines watching him go off and for you to sit in wait on him to come back to you after he has had his 'fun'?

Now who is the one committed to this relationship?

YoungFolks

thank you all for your messages and advice,i have a lot to think about now,i guess i wanted to say that nothing is ever as it seems.and despite how it may look despairing or a waste of time,im either not cynical or not smart enough to walk away from the best damn thing that ever happened to me.but my heart isnt just out there,im protecting it,and i dont have any silly dreams about princes or clouds,i have dreams about happiness,love and laughter.who of us can say we've found our special someone?who of us can say they're perfect?i know he isn't,i know he's hurting.and im big enough not to take it as an insult,and im doing what a real friend would do,be there for him the way he is for me.its going to take time,but we'll get there.

peace out:)

Salome

He's hedging his bets - if he fell for someone else during this "need some space" period, you wouldn't see him for dust.

I don't mean to be harsh but you need to show some respect for yourself and stop seeing him, full stop.

If he cops on and realises what he's losing out on, great! Happy ever after! But my feeling is that he won't notice. You're turning into a f-buddy not a girlfriend.

lconmara

Oh get rid!

He is keeping you on the back burner, either because he doesn't want to see you move on, as an ego thing or he isn't sure if he likes you.

Do you really want to spend your life with a man who isn't sure that he likes you?

You've given him enough time to decide if he likes you, get out now.

You'll be snapped up. Guaranteed.