She's married, but she wants me...

biko

Don't be a home wrecker. And I agree with Marker about the hypocrisy in this thread, see sitouts post. "Typical woman" got 6 thanks so far, all males I'm sure.

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

Man, I was all morals and ethics til you wrote this part. It is a DAMN hot idea

However, it's really, really wrong. I don't think you should go through with it for karma reasons more than anything else... and if, as you say, you get on really well with her - what if you develop feelings? That would be really messy.

I think all you can think about here is yourself and how this is going to affect you, because by the sounds of it, if this woman doesn't sleep with you, she's going to sleep with some other dude anyway... so agonising over the morals of it is pretty pointless.

I guess you have to weigh up the pros and cons for yourself and decide if it's worth it for a roll in the hay.

(I realise this post makes me sound like a terrible person )

Hi, it's me again - the OP. (Sorry, I can only get on internet in the mornings before the boss gets here! Far, far too many replies to be able to reply to each and every one of you personally.)

You're absolutely right. It is an incredibly hot idea. If I'm going to be honest, all that stuff about her being a minxy, immoral little harlot is kind of part of the dirty talk we share on occasion. *blushes*

Let's discount, for a moment, the macho posturing of all the blokes who say "if it was my missus I'd kill you". Let's imagine that we took all manner of precautions to avoid detection, false names, secret second mobiles, hotel bookings in the name of "Mr and Mrs Smith". We live over 100 miles apart. We like each other as friends, but there are no romantic feelings - this is a purely sexual arrangement. We meet, indulge one another for a few glorious hours and go our separate ways.

It's so incredibly tempting that I can't get the idea out of my head; I'm sitting here at work thinking about it. I can't see myself ever having a relationship with her - if she does this to him now, she'd do it to me later. If I'd met her while we were both single, we'd probably have slept together, but it'd not have been anything like this. The whole illicitness of it, the deception, the subterfuge--stealing her away for one night while we have our wicked way with one another... just makes it so much more of a turn-on.

A nice city centre hotel. Just one night. To get it out of both our systems. Would that be so bad?

Lucy Lu

Unregistered wrote: »

It's so incredibly tempting that I can't get the idea out of my head; I'm sitting here at work thinking about it. I can't see myself ever having a relationship with her - if she does this to him now, she'd do it to me later. If I'd met her while we were both single, we'd probably have slept together, but it'd not have been anything like this. The whole illicitness of it, the deception, the subterfuge--stealing her away for one night while we have our wicked way with one another... just makes it so much more of a turn-on.

Maybe thats just what it is, a turn-on, a fantasy.

In the cold light of day it may be a whole different thing. As you have just said, you cant see you having a relationship with this woman so if something happens you will both have to live with what you have done. And it may in time destroy you both.

It is your choice but think about it all carefully.

star-pants

Lucy Lu wrote: »

Maybe thats just what it is, a turn-on, a fantasy.

In the cold light of day it may be a whole different thing. As you have just said, you cant see you having a relationship with this woman so if something happens you will both have to live with what you have done. And it may in time destroy you both.

It is your choice but think about it all carefully.

Quite agree with Lucy here.
Yeah it's a 'dirty little secret' etc.. but how long does that last before one side develops feelings? Who says one or both of ye aren't just all talk and no action. You have built it up so much in your mind you'll probably be disappointed anyway if you did organise a Mr & Mrs Smith arrangement.
Brad & Angelina worked out but that's a rare occurance.

You don't want this girl for more than a fling - is it worth it? Really and truly? Are you ok with living with the fact your actions with her could ruin her marriage? She may be the one that's cheating - but you'd be the one helping her. You're thinking too movie like for this scenario, all cloaks n daggers. In real life it's very different. Your choice at the end of the day, no one here is going to validate it for you.

pseudonym1

What about if you both get to the hotel room and she is feeling emotional about the whole thing - doesn't want to have sex just an ear to vent her relationship troubles.

Things rarely pan out as planned - and itis not going to be just once!

Find something else to think about! Ask someone out or something.

Oryx

and what red-blooded male can resist that sort of advance?

This sentence made me smile. Cos ultimately it sums up your whole post. You want someone to say to you here, 'go for it, it will be fine, who wouldnt?' But if it was that simple youdve gone to your hotel and had your one off session with your minx. You already know its a hornets nest your attempting to put your hand into.

It could go brilliantly, as you describe, where you meet, shag, and go home content. Or, this is the kind of thing that can go wrong.

• You get found out on day one.
• You shag her, and its brilliant, so you do it again. And again. Until...
• A full blown affair ensues. You both fall in love.
• A full blown affair ensues. One of you falls in love, the other doesnt.
• She leaves her husband for you with all the accompanying carnage.
• She refuses to leave her husband for you and breaks your heart.
• You dont want her after a while and it all goes messy.

The excitement you have with this girl is not based on reality, not now anyway. Its based on two people winding each other up with carefully chosen sentences on msn and text. Its not based on who each of you are, just on cliches of sexy harlots and big dicks. Both of you are thinking with your groins. Nothing wrong with that, but just be aware thats whats going on. This is the high part. It does have a corresponding low. Only go into this if you are willing to face that when or if it comes.

LegacyUser

I've been that girl so let me give you my perspective

i was married less than a year when i had an affair. There was so much going wrong at home that it would take all day to list but suffice to say I was looking for something else.

At the same time i wasn't ready to leave my husband so i thought an affair would be great.

The guy looked at it the exact same as you an illicit bit of fun. but it ws so much more than that to me.

if we were both single we would probably have shagged a couple of times and gone our seperate ways. But because it was an affair it became so much more complicated. It wasn't just sex.

I really fell for him. Becasue he was the only one that knew my secret i felt he was the only one who really knew me. The only one i could talk to. I started to feel really detached from the rest of my life and became ridiculously reliant on him.

Probably as a subconscious way of salving my guilty conscience I convinced myself it was a much bigger deal than it was, that i loved him, even that he was the one.

But another part of me knew it wouldn't last, and I was afraid I would never have the nerve to leave my husband so this really was a last fling for me. i felt that when it ended it was going to be all over for me and the rest of my life would be empty and lonely. He tried to end it a couple of times and by god i held on for dear life. I was clingey, jealous, posessive. I obsessed about what he was doing when I wasn't around, even though i was climbing into bed with my husband every night!

Of course none of this was what he ever had in mind and in the end he left. Found himself a nice single girl he could introduce to his family and friends. I was distraught. Absolutely destroyed.

In short it was suppossed to be just a sexy little fling, and it turned into a messy, confusing, liferuining angst ridden nightmare.

DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

A nice city centre hotel. Just one night. To get it out of both our systems. Would that be so bad?

Yeah it would. If you were this woman's husband, you'd be singing a different tune.

I think anyone who is knowingly contributing to cheating is just as bad. None of thise crap: "hey she's the one married, she's doing the cheating". It works both ways. It's not about having morals as such, it's just about being a decent bloke and realising that it's probably just a fantisy. You're just thinking with your penis (all us lads do from time to time) but it's about drawing the line and realising when it goes from beyond the boundaries to casual no stings attached sex between to adults, to acting like a pair of arseholes.

calahans

If it is not something to be ashamed about why dont you tell her husband?

I had a thing with a girl who I later found out was living with her boyfriend. We slept together (at my place) a few times and it turned out she was telling her bf that she was out with friends. He then found my texts and rang me! That was a f*cked up conversation but at least I was genuinely shocked. Anyway, the poor guy was in bits - I wouldnt knowingly do that to someone.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi, it's me again - the OP. (Sorry, I can only get on internet in the mornings before the boss gets here! Far, far too many replies to be able to reply to each and every one of you personally.)

You're absolutely right. It is an incredibly hot idea. If I'm going to be honest, all that stuff about her being a minxy, immoral little harlot is kind of part of the dirty talk we share on occasion. *blushes*

Let's discount, for a moment, the macho posturing of all the blokes who say "if it was my missus I'd kill you". Let's imagine that we took all manner of precautions to avoid detection, false names, secret second mobiles, hotel bookings in the name of "Mr and Mrs Smith". We live over 100 miles apart. We like each other as friends, but there are no romantic feelings - this is a purely sexual arrangement. We meet, indulge one another for a few glorious hours and go our separate ways.

It's so incredibly tempting that I can't get the idea out of my head; I'm sitting here at work thinking about it. I can't see myself ever having a relationship with her - if she does this to him now, she'd do it to me later. If I'd met her while we were both single, we'd probably have slept together, but it'd not have been anything like this. The whole illicitness of it, the deception, the subterfuge--stealing her away for one night while we have our wicked way with one another... just makes it so much more of a turn-on.

A nice city centre hotel. Just one night. To get it out of both our systems. Would that be so bad?

Obviously you wanna hear what you wanna hear, despite knowing its a dodgy and dangerous idea, so:

Yes. Go do it. Go and leave her a satisfied, knee-trembling wreck. Then go home, and see how you feel.

Its obviously too important to just let go, so just go and do it. PI is still here for the aftermath, presuming you'll come to us about something!

Gholimoli

The following is obviously just my opinion:
I think karma is a load of BS of the highest order.
To me Karma is a religious thing or a least is like believing in the crap that is in different religions…like in Islam where you are advocated to not have sex before marriage and not to this and not do that so that you can be greeted by 70 virgins when you die !!!WTF …passing on something during your life time so that you can have it when you die…
Same with Karma…it’s just an excuse for people to feel better about what they don’t understand.
The reality is that **** happens…bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people …
I have one question for all those who are saying not to do this (or anything else for that matter) because of Karma, as in would you like it if it was done to you.
Is there a guarantee that if he does not do this then it will not happen to him?
Is there even a guarantee that if he does not do this then the chances of this happening to him would decrease?
People come up with all sort of BS so satisfy their conscience…some people are capable of accepting reality and others desperately hang on to man-made BS simply cuz reality is too much for them.
Dude my advice is go got it if you can deal with the consequences and don’t other wise.
End of rant.

Wagon

Gholimoli wrote: »

The following is obviously just my opinion:
I think karma is a load of BS of the highest order.
To me Karma is a religious thing or a least is like believing in the crap that is in different religions…like in Islam where you are advocated to not have sex before marriage and not to this and not do that so that you can be greeted by 70 virgins when you die !!!WTF …passing on something during your life time so that you can have it when you die…
Same with Karma…it’s just an excuse for people to feel better about what they don’t understand.
The reality is that **** happens…bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people …
I have one question for all those who are saying not to do this (or anything else for that matter) because of Karma, as in would like it if it was done to you.
Is there a guarantee that if he does not do this then it will not happen to him?
Is there even a guarantee that if he does not do this then the chances of this happening to him would decrease?
People come up with all sort of BS so satisfy their conscience…some people are caple of accepting reality and others desperately hang on to man-made BS simply cuz reality is too much for them.
Dude my advice is go got it if you can deal with the consequences and don’t other wise.
End of rant.

Sheer bollocks.

shellyboo

Wagon wrote: »

Sheer bollocks.

Pretty much.

Karma = you get what you give.
Karma = do unto others.
Karma = don't tempt fate.

It's just a notion that keeps us in check. No-one's saying that if he sleeps with this woman he IS going to get cheated on. But the universe has a strange sense of irony.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Personally, I'd equate a belief in karma with a belief in religion. Both are presuming that a higher power of some sort keeps order in the universe. And since I don't believe in a higher power, this notion of karma is (IMO) complete w@nkery.

OP could well get his jollies and also get away with it. But there's a fair chance it won't last forever.

Anyways, this is fairly off topic

Gholimoli

shellyboo wrote: »

Pretty much.

Karma = you get what you give.
Karma = do unto others.
Karma = don't tempt fate.

It's just a notion that keeps us in check. No-one's saying that if he sleeps with this woman he IS going to get cheated on. But the universe has a strange sense of irony.

"universe has a strange sense of irony"
well this is sheer bollix to me ...

If the only reason preventing you from doing something that you thgouth was bad or wrong was the notion that it could at some stage happen to you ...well then to me that's really bollix...
So if you were somehow guaranteed that it would not happen to you, you would go ahead and do it yeah???? That’s some freaking morals right there

star-pants

The reason stopping someone from doing wrong, should be the fact that it's exactly that. Wrong.

Karma etc is just an addition and an extenstion of human morals and ethics. Whether something bad happened back to him or not, is not the issue. It's the fact that he'd be doing something he knows is wrong.

thewing

Give her one and let her deal with the guilt

Oryx

star-pants wrote: »

The reason stopping someone from doing wrong, should be the fact that it's exactly that. Wrong.

Karma etc is just an addition and an extenstion of human morals and ethics. Whether something bad happened back to him or not, is not the issue. It's the fact that he'd be doing something he knows is wrong.

The idea of whether this is right or wrong is down to personal morality. The op may have the morals of a saint or the ethics of a bastard, but the biggest consideration he needs to have, is that doing this will have consequences. Regardless of what your feelings on the morality or right or wrongs of doing the actual shagging are, emotions and people are involved. That usually gets complicated. Nothing to do with karma, its just how human life and emotion generally is.

shellyboo

Gholimoli wrote: »

"universe has a strange sense of irony"
well this is sheer bollix to me ...

If the only reason preventing you from doing something that you thgouth was bad or wrong was the notion that it could at some stage happen to you ...well then to me that's really bollix...
So if you were somehow guaranteed that it would not happen to you, you would go ahead and do it yeah???? That’s some freaking morals right there

No... the reason preventing you from doing something is often that you wouldn't LIKE IT happening to you. It's called empathy. Karma is an extension of that. You do bad things to people, you deserve bad things done to you. Karma is not probability, it doesn't mean it WILL happen, it's a concept.

star-pants

Oryx wrote: »

The idea of whether this is right or wrong is down to personal morality. The op may have the morals of a saint or the ethics of a bastard, but the biggest consideration he needs to have, is that doing this will have consequences. Regardless of what your feelings on the morality or right or wrongs of doing the actual shagging are, emotions and people are involved. That usually gets complicated. Nothing to do with karma, its just how human life and emotion generally is.

Sorry I was just addressing the karma aspect. Obviously consequences are a big thing, and you have to be able to deal with them. And the emotions etc as you said.

Leprachaun

Varkov wrote: »

Go for it man, she's not your wife.

Agreed.:p

Wagon

Varkov wrote: »

Go for it man, she's not your wife.

Leprachaun wrote: »

Agreed.:p

And what if she was?

"go for it", me hole.