She's married, but she wants me...

LegacyUser

A bit of a difficult one, this. I’m quite prepared to get an absolute pasting from the forum posters, hence my anonymity!

I met a girl a few weeks ago, through various work-related stuff that I won't go into here. We hit it off, chatted for a while, swapped numbers and emails and so on, promised we’d keep in touch and went our separate ways. We don't live at opposite sides of the country, but we do live quite far apart. At this point, I was none the wiser as to her position.

When I got home and put the computer on, I found that she'd “added” me to the messenger thing in Google Mail. She said hello, we got chatting... and we've been on the email, messenger, phone and so on every day since. Conversations quickly became rather... suggestive and heated. We’ve met another couple of times, in a perfectly innocent way, but there’s just something there, some chemistry that means that given half a chance, we’d be getting a room and bouncing the night away. We can’t keep away from one another.

I’m single, but I’ve known that she’s married since one of our first conversations after we met. But at risk of sounding like a naughty child, she started it[/I! Honestly—of course, I kind of fancied her when we first met, but as soon as I knew her position I stopped flirting with her. But she’s been coming on very heavy, and what red-blooded male can resist that sort of advance? Anyway, she’s been married for just over a year, I gather. She talks quite a bit about not being particularly happy or fulfilled, both emotionally and sexually, at home. (Of course, there are no kids involved.)

I know in my head that it’s so very, very wrong. I know I should cut it off before it goes further into the real, physical world. (Aside from anything else, I don’t want my arse kicked by her husband!) But although it’s not something I’d ever so much as contemplated doing before—being the “other man”, the dirty little secret of a sexy, minxy, adulterous little harlot with the morals of an alley-cat is a notion that really turns me on! I don’t know whether it’s a power thing—stealing her away, or what. But I love feeling sexy and wanted, especially by a girl that really shouldn’t be doing anything of the sort.

I know it’s bad, I know it’s immoral, I know it’s very, very dangerous territory. But the thought of going further and further with her is so seductive it’s almost irresistible. And really, isn’t she... erm, worse for being the married party?

sitout

typical woman, if you ask me. book a room and give her what she wants for as long as she wants it until you tire of the situation yourself.

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

But although it’s not something I’d ever so much as contemplated doing before—being the “other man”, the dirty little secret of a sexy, minxy, adulterous little harlot with the morals of an alley-cat is a notion that really turns me on!

Man, I was all morals and ethics til you wrote this part. It is a DAMN hot idea

However, it's really, really wrong. I don't think you should go through with it for karma reasons more than anything else... and if, as you say, you get on really well with her - what if you develop feelings? That would be really messy.

I think all you can think about here is yourself and how this is going to affect you, because by the sounds of it, if this woman doesn't sleep with you, she's going to sleep with some other dude anyway... so agonising over the morals of it is pretty pointless.

I guess you have to weigh up the pros and cons for yourself and decide if it's worth it for a roll in the hay.

(I realise this post makes me sound like a terrible person )

kaa

i think you should just forget her and it's wrong but things like this do happen.

i know the sneaking around and all that makes it exciting but did you ever think that is what she likes about and won't do anything sex wise and is just saying it???

but at the same time you fancy her because it's hard. but if there is problems in the marriage that soon into it then there is a chance of it becoming better.

but if you didn't some bit guilty about it going any further you be posting this thread, you would be out bouncing the night away

Wagon

I have to admit, it does sound tempting. The image i conjured up was of a tall, sleazy bastard with his hair gelled back. always away on business, possibly cheating on his wife with his secretary while sat at home, getting angrier and angrier until she decides to get her own bit on the side.

But life ain't a prono mate! The poor bloke could be very nice and treat her brilliantly but that still isn't enough. I know someone similar to her from what you've just decsribed. Never happy until she is satisfied, and doesn't care what she has to do in order to achieve it. Shallow as ****.

So i hate to rain on your good buzz but I'd seriosuly not do anything. It's already very dodgy as it is and it will inevatably get much much worse as time goes on. These things are never good. And I'll be honest, her husband could be a looper. It's one thing being used by someone you don't know is in a relationship, it wouldn't be your fault then. But to be willfully partaking knowing that she's maried to another? That is your fault. You could end up with your balls getting stamped on.

road_2_damascus

People have been shot dead for less... she will end up falling for you, her husband will get suspicious (he probably is already), he will follow her some night, or worse again, get someone else to follow her... find out who you are, and you will enter a whole new world of pain, all because you are thinking with the wrong part of your body. She sounds desperate to get out of the situation shes in... you just happened to be in her line of fire, you could easily be someone else. I suggest you start looking at why women cheat first, then you may understand her motives

Nevyn

Some people are into cuckholding and other's into being cuckholded.

There are a lot of advantages to being someone's bit on the side, the secret lover
the illicted thrills and you don't have the hassle of being thier emotionla support
and are just there for the fun and games.

End of the day she is the one who made marragie vows and maybe breaking what
ever terms she has with her spouse, are you ok with being the person she does that with ?

Are you ok with what may happen if she gets pregnant ?
IF her husband find out and the marriage ends ?

PCPhoto

OP ..... sounds like you have a decision to make:

1. go for it - have a bit of "hows yer father" (Short term/Long term)

2. stay away from her - loose contact and ignore the harlet !!!

each will have its problems - if you choose to "roll in the hay" so to speak, you risk ruining this marriage and the fall out from being one of the two people responsible for that !!! (ie. hubby and/or family members after you if you are discovered)...or risk falling for her or getting hurt by her when she cant/wont commit to you.

if you choose to avoid her and ignore her you could simply be pushing the problem onto another male or the woman might consider attempting to save her marriage.

I'm sure others will offer other possible scenarios or options - but those are the ones that I'm throwing at ya.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Its a HUGELY tempting prospect. Damn, but it really is.

BUT... if her husband has a temper and finds out... it could be VERY messy. Most people would consider my good self a fairly calm, smart guy, but if I was the husband and found out another guy was banging my missus, I'd make it my personal mission to ruin every single part of his life and leave him living in fear. Judge that for what you will, but love is a powerful thing and to mess with it is playing with fire.

Be careful my man.

kayos

Put yourself in her husbands shoes and how you would like it happen to you..... then you will answer the question for yourself.

LegacyUser

Been there, done that, very very erotic. No regrets for either party.

LegacyUser

Op, I think you should leave her to it, and tell her that if she ever leaves her husband, she's welcome to get back in touch with you (if you like the idea of being with her once she's not a married harlot, etc.)

We don't know what the husband's like. Maybe he loves her, maybe he doesn't. But if she's unhappy in her marriage, she should not be turning to people outside it unless it's for counselling/support. She sounds a bit messed up to be honest...A year into something that's generally meant for life, and she's already eyeing up other people?

Anyway, keep your powder dry. Don't get involved until her husband is out of the picture. For your own sake.

bluecell99

Best to stay away as she aint available.If she was, at some point in the future then go for it.Illicit sex is always exciting but never worth the effort long-term as the parties concerned only want more and more - with different people.To keep up the excitement and thrill.

You say you cant stay away from each other.That means ye dont want to stay away from each other.

I know its not you but makes me wonder why so many people get married when they are completely unsuited to it.Best off staying single if ya want to have fun and where nobody really gets hurt.

Beruthiel

sitout wrote: »

typical woman, if you ask me.

I don't appreciate that sort of generalization in this forum.
It certainly is not 'typical' and if you have nothing constructive to say, please refrain from posting in PI.

Varkov

Go for it man, she's not your wife.

Dudess

She's being unfair, cockteasing you like that. She can either leave her husband and have you or stay married to him and be faithful. Tell her this - it's him or you. I know you're not the one being unfaithful (if anything happens, which I suspect is highly likely) but you'd still be complicit in HER being unfaithful - you wouldn't be completely blameless.
Leaving her husband would be the right thing it seems. She's obviously not into him.

JDLK

I had a similar experience once and though I turned it down I always wondered "what if?" and if I had made a mistake or not. Until one day I read this, now I dont think its a religious thing and Im defintely not religious, but it struck a chord for me, check it out; (Ive no idea who the original Author was but its all about tempation Vs. Integrity).

"There are times in the life of every man who takes his stand on high moral principles when his faith in, and knowledge of, those principles is tested to the uttermost, and the way in which he comes out of the fiery trial decides as to whether he has sufficient strength to live as a man of Truth, and join the company of the free, or shall still remain a slave and a hireling to the cruel taskmaster, Self.

Such times of trial generally assume the form of a temptation to do a wrong thing and continue in comfort and prosperity, or to stand by what is right and accept poverty and failure; and so powerful is the trial that, to the tempted one, it plainly appears on the face of things as though, if he chooses the wrong, his material success will be assured for the remainder of his life, but if he does what is right, he will be ruined for ever.
Frequently the man at once quails and gives way before this appalling prospect which the Path of Righteousness seems to hold out for him, but should he prove sufficiently strong to withstand this onslaught of temptation, then the inward seducer the spirit of self, assumes the grab of an Angel of Light, and whispers, "Think of your family; think of those who are dependent upon you; will you bring them down to disgrace and starvation?"
Strong indeed and pure must be the man who can come triumphant out of such a trial, but he who does so, enters at once a higher realm of life, where his spiritual eyes are opened to see beautiful things; and then poverty and ruin which seemed inevitable do not come, but a more abiding success comes, and a peaceful heart and a quiet conscience. But he who fails does not obtain the promised prosperity, and his heart is restless and his conscience troubled.
The right-doer cannot ultimately fail, the wrong-doer cannot ultimately succeed, for

"Such is the Law which moves to Righteousness
Which none at last can turn aside or stay,"

and it is because justice is at the heart of things- because the Great Law is good- that the man of integrity is superior to fear, and failure, and poverty, and shame, and disgrace.As the poet further says of this Law:

"The heart of its Love, the end of it
Is peace and cosummation sweet-obey."

The man who fearing the loss of present pleasures or material comforts, denies the Truth within him, can be injured, and robbed, and degraded, and trampled upon, because he has first injured, robbed and degraded, and trampled upon his own nobler self; but the man of steadfast virtue, of unblemished integrity, cannot be subject to such conditions, because he has denied the craven self within him and has taken refuge in Truth. It is not the scourge and the chains which make a man a slave, but the fact that he is a slave.
Slander, Accusation, and malice cannot affect the righteous man, nor call from him any bitter response, nor does he need to go about to defend himself and prove his innocence. His innocence and integrity alone are a sufficient answer to all that hatred may attempt against him. Nor can he ever be subdued by the forces of darkness, having subdued all those forces within himself; but he turns all evil things to good account - out of darkness he brings light, out of hatred love, out of dishonour honour; and slanders, envies, and misrepresentations only serve to make more bright the jewel of Truth within him, and to glorify his high and holy destiny.
Let the man of integrity rejoice and be glad when he is severely tried; let him be thankful that he has been given an opportunity of proving his loyalty to the noble principles which he has espoused; and let him think: "Now is the hour of holy opportunity! Now is the day of triumph for Truth! Though I lose the whole world I will note desert the right!" So thinking, he will return good for evil, and will think compassionately of the wrong-doer. The slanderer, the backbiter, and the wrong-doer may seem to succeed for a time, but the Law of Justice prevails; the man of integrity may seem to fail for a time, but he is invincible, and in none of the worlds, visible or invisible, can there be forged a weapon that shall prevail against him."

Jimmy Bottlehead

tl;dr

Silverfish

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

tl;dr

Read the charter before posting here, thanks. Infracted.

KM56

stay away because you are only going to cause trouble and it if comes out it might not go in your favour

Clueless09

hey, at the end of the day you are both consenting adults so its up to you... But I know if I was the girl, my hubbie would kill you and then me...and that is not an exageration so you really need to be careful what kind of situation you get involved in.

it may not be worth it in the end. half the attraction now for you both is probably the build up, sneaky texts, emails etc. Morals and ethics aside, if the husband finds out you'll probably get the hiding of a lifetime

LegacyUser

sorry guys going unreg for this one!!!!!

i ended up having an affair a few years ago,wit a guy who i met in very strange curcumstances..
my marrage wasnt going great, deidnt love him just held on for sake of the kids..

i got a txt one day by this guy thinking i was someone else, and the conversation started from their we were mths texting and ringing before we met, and i felt so good to be able to flirt again even though it was though ringing/text.

we met up and started having a full blown affair which lasted a year
he made me feel sexy,(something i hadnt felt in a long time)

in the end it was him who gave me the courtage to leave my ex hubby, but the affair didnt last

wat im getting to maybe this lady is in the same suitation as me, and is in a un loven relationship and just needs to feel loved and wanted and shes getting it from you
maybe this cud work out and ye cud live happy after after, but be carefull if you do go ahead wait a while and then start seeing each other pubicily

as it would not lead to suspission

gud luck with what ever you choose

anonymous_joe

Fúck her and tell her husband?

I hate cheats, mainly because I unknowingly was the other one a while ago, and found out someone else got hurt because of me. Anyway, you want her, clearly, but what about the bloke whose wife you'll be banging? I'd suggest telling her to fúck him or leave him, though I can understand your temptation.

Snowie

Im not going to saya nything about her..... plenty of other people have done...

what i will say, is

That as a husband it's as important that he pay's attention to his wife. Most blokes do but at time's things can goa little stale.
That's when thing's happen........

He's probably unaware of it, or maybe he just dont care... You dont really know....

You, are single and you do find this woman attractive, you say you have chemistry in respect of your own body you rarely meet that one person you have a magnetic chemistry with and when you do your incredably lucky to...

Your choices of one or two

none of us can say do it none of us can say don't....


if you do keep it cleen man....If you dont well at the end of the day its your dession....

personally if i was in your dession...............

Overheal

She could get pregnant or you could get stabbed. But you could definitely get laid.

Just consider all of the factors, and see if you really want to roll the dice.

pseudonym1

Is it because she is married!? and it is somewhat forbidden?
If thats the case some control issues - if not and it is pure unbridaled lust .. Have you ever seen fatal attraction!?

Have a feeling you will do what you want but since you asked my advice is stay clear away from her. Cease contact etc

useful_contacts

Unregistered wrote: »

And really, isn’t she... erm, worse for being the married party?

Eh NO!!! your worse for knowing the situation, thinking about it- feeling guilty about it(enough to post about it on an online forum) and then going for it

seriously to you its just sex now, but the longer an affair goes on the more chance there is you will get caught( belive me i know ive had friends that have been on both sides before) and she will forever hate you for being the reason her husband left her

useful_contacts

shellyboo wrote: »

Man, I was all morals and ethics til you wrote this part. It is a DAMN hot idea

However, it's really, really wrong. I don't think you should go through with it for karma reasons more than anything else... and if, as you say, you get on really well with her - what if you develop feelings? That would be really messy.

I think all you can think about here is yourself and how this is going to affect you, because by the sounds of it, if this woman doesn't sleep with you, she's going to sleep with some other dude anyway... so agonising over the morals of it is pretty pointless.

I guess you have to weigh up the pros and cons for yourself and decide if it's worth it for a roll in the hay.

(I realise this post makes me sound like a terrible person )

actually it doesnt (i assume from your name ur a woman- as am i)

morals mean nothing- the head/heart never rule over loins so we all know whats going to happen. Its up to him though because i bet you in a year he will be on here again saying hes in love with her

Maccattack

You will regret it for the rest of your life.

MagicMarker

Can't believe the amount of hypocritical bull shít I'm seeing in this thread. If the OP was a woman there'd be more than a few ''homewrecker!!'' posts.

OP, don't be such a fúcking douche. Put yourself in the husband's shoes, how would you like it?

Nevyn

MagicMarker 1 month ban for personal abuse.