Dirty rotten scoundrel

sammyv

Yes and in a way i feel the OP is gloating about his behaviour.

Its your poor wife that has the PI, not you. You dont give a damn.
Has she any idea what is happening??

What gives someone the right to f**k someone elses life up...having your cake and eating it!!!

Go to an STI clinic now and get yourself checked out, but on saying that, what is the point, i doubt you will tell you wife if there is anyting wrong. You dont care about her emotionally, why care about her health!!

bubblewrap

Think of all the potential kids running around from his dalliances, god help them if they turn out like him. :rolleyes:

ellie1

What goes around comes around. Not very helpful but true.

bubblewrap

That is true, you never think so at the time but he will get hurt one day.

RossFixxxed

I think there is a degree of guilt in the OP's post. There is a lot of macho swagger about it but he does know it's wrong and is obviously posting for a reason.

Also this post serves to highlight what some people are like. It will be of help to people in similar situations ON BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE, as a warning.

It DOES NOT speak about men in general and if that makes anyone insecure that's crazy. There's a percentage of people out there who are murderers too, doesn't make all of us one of them either.

OP what do you want to do really. This is gonna catch you sooner or later in some way... If you want the thrill of the hunt and the getting girls thing then do it single and let your wife meet someone who'll stay with her and meet her needs.

R

mirwillbeback

Unregistered wrote: »

i am one of those people who thrive on the thrill of cheating on my wife. I cant stop or really dont want to. its not fair to my wife. not fair at all. i know this. if the situation was reversed i would leave her. divorce, no second thought about it. i must have serious mental and emotional problems. i dont know why im even writing this as i will get seriously abused. i have never been able to be with someone and not cheat. as a result of this i have huge problems with trusting her. i am self absorbed and not even that good looking. i cant even try to explain how wonderful she is to me. i have never been caught by anyone. and i dont want lectures. an outlet i suppose. am i alone in this?

you say you cant stop and dont want to and yet it sounds like you're unhappy as a result but the upside of the thrill is too strong to ignore - sounds like an addiction that you need help for.

i would suggest you get some counselling to help you - it's an emotional problem, one which I believe shows low self esteem.

that's being polite as I certainly do not agree with what you are doing - but you need to get yourself sorted out, cop on and see that you are trapped in a damaging cycle - only you can sort yourself out, but there is a better way to lead your life.

and don't worry about the abuse you will receive on here, most of boards are holier than thou :rolleyes:

get your life together, see a professional for help, and i wish you well.

LegacyUser

Can I just ask..........has she ever suspected anything?

How do you act around her? Do you feel bad when she is nice to you and doesn't know what you are like?

Also, are these women any better looking or better than your wife in any way or is it because it is easy?

dwpg83

Orls81 wrote: »

I could get banned for this, but feel i have to say it.

People like you ruin other peoples lives. Leave your wife, she is better off without you.
You are horrible and nasty...you get a thrill cheating on her.

My b'f cheated on me, and i thought my life was over, but if i was married to a man that i made a commitment to spend my life with...i think i would actually go mad!!!

You have no respect for your wife...

I agree, I have absolutely no time for people like you.

bubblewrap

I feel so sorry for your wife, does she have an inkling what you are up to? I am bad enough with my boyfriend now, as far as I know he is innocent but after this, it makes me feel worse thinking what if.....:(

smileykey

Are you asking for advice on how to stop/how to want to stop?
Are you asking for advice on weather your wife would be better off with out you or
Are you asking for judgement and someone to tell you off cause that will make you feel less guilty?

I know people like you who can't refrane from cheating and yet keep going into monogomous relationships, I don't understand it, if its a case that you want to sleep around and have the comfort of someone to go back to then find someone who wants a polygamous relationship. But the serial cheaters I know hate the idea of an open relationship because they want the full undying attention of their OH. They do all the destructive things they do so they can make it all about them and the big victim they are becasue they can't stop themselves - there's something wrong with them. Screw that, All thats wrong with them is that they're attention seeking spoilt brats who don't care about who they hurt to get the spotlight on them, even if they're hurting themsleves too.

I'm not saying this is what you're like but if it sounds like you, get help. You need it.

bubblewrap

Spot on, especially this bit.

smileykey wrote: »

But the serial cheaters I know hate the idea of an open relationship because they want the full undying attention of their OH.

I can only hope the poor cow is doing it behind his back too.

RossFixxxed

Actually mriwillbeback above hit the nail on the head: addiction. You sound like every single addict I have ever know tbh but just with this. you KNOW it's wrong but you keep doing it and defend it in some weird way.

Some of the real questions for the OP are: do you want to stop? do you want to leave your wife? What do you think will happen long term here?

bubblewrap

The OP has gone awful quiet, do you think they did it to create an uproar because he hasn't answered our questions has he?

Wagon

mirwillbeback wrote: »

and don't worry about the abuse you will receive on here, most of boards are holier than thou :rolleyes:

That is pretty true. I hate the 'holier than thou' attitude when it's not called for such as in threads where people are looking for help (look at the amount of abuse that lad got because he was pissed off his ma got up the duff :eek:), but from the post this chap wrote wrote, it doesn't seem that he wants to chage.

Unregistered wrote: »

I cant stop or really dont want to.

If the chap came on here and said he wants to stop then a lot of people would help but from what I can see, the whole post is just a way of showing off to randomers on the internet.

Poloman

Im so angry when I read the first post. Shaking with rage. What a selfish selfish person. Im not going to lecture you as you asked and it wouldnt register in your mind as all you care about is yourself.

Im sorry but your wife doesnt deserve you and I hope she finds out which she will. It all comes out in the end.

LegacyUser

reading everyones replies to what i said made me feel terrible. also clarified what i also knew about myself. granted i didnt understand alot of the abrieviations, but i got the gist. i posted unregistered because i never want this to come back to me. i am a coward in so many respects. i am an addict. i am not trying to excuse my behavior in anyway. i am not trying to gloat. i wanted an outlet. i got one. so many things that people said struck me like lightning. this is gonna come back to me in some serious karma. bears thinking about.

LegacyUser

How can you not want to give up! If you felt terrible you would want to give up! I got sick almost reading that, your MARRIED! The poor darn woman is all i can say. You are hurting her without realising, you are treating her like shyte, you are totally disrespecting her.

I dont think i;m an angel, far from it. When i first started going out with my boyfriend i cheated on him once. Got totally rat faced, first time i'd drank in 5 years, and i cheated. I never felt so sick or scared or sorry in my life. I felt so disgusted that i would betray him even though i had only been with him 2 months. He had said the i love you stuff, i hadn't but i felt rotten for him and disgusted with myself. To the point i have never touched a drop of alcohol since, 4 years later. Not because drink is any excuse, but because i would be weary that if i did it once i could do it again with drink and not having my wits about me. I dont think i would but i wouldnt take the chance! I nearly lost what turned out to be the best thing in my life, the most wonderful man in the world, someone who would never dream of cheating on me who adores me, and to think i hurt him still makes me SICK! Oh i told him, i couldn't live with the guilt or sick feeling, i told him the next evening. Fortunately he forgave me and trusted me again.

How you dont want to stop is beyond me. If you dont want to leave the woman, feck off and be a single man and sleep all around you and leave your wife to find someone who will love her and treat her right and not want to go off shagging all around him.

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

reading everyones replies to what i said made me feel terrible. also clarified what i also knew about myself. granted i didnt understand alot of the abrieviations, but i got the gist. i posted unregistered because i never want this to come back to me. i am a coward in so many respects. i am an addict. i am not trying to excuse my behavior in anyway. i am not trying to gloat. i wanted an outlet. i got one. so many things that people said struck me like lightning. this is gonna come back to me in some serious karma. bears thinking about.

Alright, think carefully for a minute. Do women come onto you? Do you make the first move?

bubblewrap

Unregistered wrote: »

reading everyones replies to what i said made me feel terrible. also clarified what i also knew about myself. granted i didnt understand alot of the abrieviations, but i got the gist. i posted unregistered because i never want this to come back to me. i am a coward in so many respects. i am an addict. i am not trying to excuse my behavior in anyway. i am not trying to gloat. i wanted an outlet. i got one. so many things that people said struck me like lightning. this is gonna come back to me in some serious karma. bears thinking about.

Get some help then, if you are an addict, use your addictions on the woman you are supposed to love. :rolleyes:

Dudess

That doesn't even make sense...

OP, definitely seems like you have a serious addiction - knowing it's wrong but continuing to do it. And you do seem ashamed - even if you're not saying so, otherwise you wouldn't give enough of a sh1t to start this thread.
Insulting the OP (and frankly projecting some of your own issues on him) is pointless. He knows well what he's doing.
And the reason he's posting is to ascertain whether he's alone or not, and whether there is any advice people could offer.

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

Thats a bit harsh. Everybodies issues affect their lives in different ways. Everybody has their vices and this mans happens to be cheating. In my opinion its a better vice than going out drinking everynight or over dependancy on drugs. Both of the latter would affect his wife in much worse ways

I agree with the first part of your post but I disagree breaking someone's heart and shattering them emotionally is better than having a drink or drug addiction.

Wagon wrote: »

Lads like you really drag the rest of us down.

Well I'd disagree. I think people who condemn all men because of guys like the OP are idiots.

bubblewrap wrote: »

No bloody wonder I am so insecure and jealous in relationships when men like you exist. :mad:

Sorry no, that's YOUR insecurity and jealousy. Being suspicious of guys you've been with because of guys like the OP is not reasonable and is something you need to work on (as you have acknowledged elsewhere).

Unregistered wrote: »

If you don't want to change, then I think you should end your marriage. If your wife didn't agree to an "open" relationship, she shouldn't be subjected to one. If you end your marriage you can fcuk around all you want without hurting someone

The thing is though, he wants both. Being footloose and fancy-free to sleep with whomever he wants - no thrill in that. And no loyal woman to come home to every evening.

On the other hand, whatever happens, you need counselling. Even for the sake of figuring out why you cheat.

I don't think it's difficult to see why a person would cheat. I do think though this is an addiction and counselling is needed to help the OP break the cycle.

ellie1 wrote: »

What goes around comes around.

I think kharma's a load of bullsh1t. Plenty of people haven't had "theirs" and while they may in the next life, we don't know that for sure. They may not.

Wagon wrote: »

That is pretty true. I hate the 'holier than thou' attitude when it's not called for such as in threads where people are looking for help (look at the amount of abuse that lad got because he was pissed off his ma got up the duff :eek:)

People were furious because of what he did to his mother and how he spoke to her and thought of her... not because he was pissed off about her being pregnant. Didn't think it was unwarranted at all.

username123

OP - 3 things strike me about your posts.

1: You seem to have a problem engaging emotionally, you say you THINK you love your wife? Love is not something that people usually have to think too hard about, you either love her or you dont - why would you have married her at all if you didnt have some feelings of love for her?

2: You seem to have a complete lack of empathy for how someone else feels. You state that if your wife was doing what you do you would divorce her. End of. No mention of how much it would hurt you or how shattered it would make you feel. Just a clear statement that you would refuse to accept that behaviour. On an intellectual level you seem to understand that what you are doing is wrong, but you are failing to empathise with how your wife would feel if she knew about this - its as though you can understand her position, but not understand the emotion that would come with being in that position.

3: You only seem worried about the situation for the effects it would have on YOU. Worried about YOUR karma - nothing about your wife.

So, just leaving all judgements aside for a minute, it would appear to me that you cannot empathise with another humans feelings, nor can you engage properly emotionally yourself.

Both of the above are enough for me to think that you need professional help. It is 'normal' for one human being to empathise with another, its also 'normal' for a human being to be in touch with their emotions enough to know if they love their spouse or not - failing to recognise love is quite a big issue. Failing to feel empathy is awful.

Its possible that the part of your brain that registers emotion doesnt work like most other peoples. It would certainly explain your behaviour.

Although your behaviour has addictive tendencies I suspect if you felt your own personal wellbeing was being threatened that you would be able to stop - its your lack of empathy that continues to drive you.

Interestingly you have trust issues because of your own behaviour - which indicates that you think everyone else 'could' behave like you do, fuelling your own paranoia and probably contributing to your lack of empathy.

Anyway just a few thoughts on the subject. I do not agree with your behaviour at all, but I find it virtually impossible to relate to you because my conscience would not allow me to behave the way you do and I dont have any ambiguity about my feelings of love for my partner.
In fact - I cannot empathise with you because you are so different to me - is that why you have such problems with empathy for your wife?

One way or the other - I do believe you need professional help to get to the bottom of this behaviour pattern.