Dirty rotten scoundrel

LegacyUser

i am one of those people who thrive on the thrill of cheating on my wife. I cant stop or really dont want to. its not fair to my wife. not fair at all. i know this. if the situation was reversed i would leave her. divorce, no second thought about it. i must have serious mental and emotional problems. i dont know why im even writing this as i will get seriously abused. i have never been able to be with someone and not cheat. as a result of this i have huge problems with trusting her. i am self absorbed and not even that good looking. i cant even try to explain how wonderful she is to me. i have never been caught by anyone. and i dont want lectures. an outlet i suppose. am i alone in this?

loloray

Unregistered wrote: »

am i alone in this?

I hope so!

Kiith

Unregistered wrote: »

i am one of those people who thrive on the thrill of cheating on my wife. I cant stop or really dont want to. its not fair to my wife. not fair at all. i know this. if the situation was reversed i would leave her. divorce, no second thought about it. i must have serious mental and emotional problems. i dont know why im even writing this as i will get seriously abused. i have never been able to be with someone and not cheat. as a result of this i have huge problems with trusting her. i am self absorbed and not even that good looking. i cant even try to explain how wonderful she is to me. i have never been caught by anyone. and i dont want lectures. an outlet i suppose. am i alone in this?

Are you alone in this? No, probably not. A lot of people are cheaters.

But you are 100% in the wrong. You should have the decency of being truthful with her. You say you dont want to be abused/lectured, but you give us no reason to do otherwise. You show pretty much no regard for your wife, and somehow have the audacity to say you have trouble trusting her? Dirty rotten scoundrel is putting it pretty lightly if you ask me.

If you ever want to have a trusting relationship, you should definitly get some help. Then again, do you even want help?

useful_contacts

Unregistered wrote: »

i am one of those people who thrive on the thrill of cheating on my wife. I cant stop or really dont want to.

well then whats the point of asking people on here?

Unregistered wrote: »

i know this. if the situation was reversed i would leave her. divorce, no second thought about it.

one rule for you- another for her. Thats just completly hyprocital

Unregistered wrote: »

i have never been able to be with someone and not cheat. as a result of this i have huge problems with trusting her. i am self absorbed and not even that good looking.

TBH it sounds to me like you need other women to validate your attractivness, you know your wife loves you but thats not enough, you need to know you can still get other women

Four-Too

On the positive side of things.....you could be seeking kids for sex.
It sounds like a fantasy you have that you find hard to resist. It's not easily sorted out, perhaps you could try to keep your mind off sex completely somehow

Quazzie

OP, you are not alone. There are thousands of people out there like you and while what you are doing is wrong the fact that you recognize it as something you need to change is a positive step. You need to look at what you have and realise that is what you really need as a person. I used to be like you, but with some deep searching inside me I changed. This might sound like an old cliche but the only person that can help you is you. I cheated on my wife for years before we were married, and the only way I found that I could stop was to draw a definite line under it, and that line was the day I go engaged. For me it seemed easier to stop once I had made my mind up to do it and set a certain moment in time as the cease date. I'm not saying it was easy, it certainly wasn't, and still sometimes now I do be tempted but in reality its just a lifestyle change, no different, or harder than going on a diet, taking up a new passtime, giving up cigarettes etc. The hardest part is actually finding a reason inside you that makes you want to stop. Until you find that reason you will always be a cheat.

biko

Unregistered wrote: »

am i alone in this?

Do you even want to stop? Or do you want to know that others do it too so you can get some sort of justification for what you're doing?

useful_contacts

biko wrote: »

Do you even want to stop? Or do you want to know that others do it too so you can get some sort of justification for what you're doing?

he doesnt want to stop

he said so in his orginal post

cantdecide

You should start by acknowledging that it's a truly horrendous thing that you must stop asap. You must make yourself want to stop if you don't already. If you don't want to want to stop (bear with me), then you're a terrible person and you should leave your wife or at least come 100% clean and let her leave you. It might also be that you're not in love with her but that obviously falls into the 'leave her' category...

After this, the question is how do you stop. I'd see a counselor if I were you. I would think that anyone who has no problem risking so much damage on a very regular basis must have some kind of emotional or psychological problem....

Or maybe you're simply happy to be a nasty piece of work???

sammyv

I could get banned for this, but feel i have to say it.

People like you ruin other peoples lives. Leave your wife, she is better off without you.
You are horrible and nasty...you get a thrill cheating on her.

My b'f cheated on me, and i thought my life was over, but if i was married to a man that i made a commitment to spend my life with...i think i would actually go mad!!!

You have no respect for your wife...

Quazzie

Orls81 wrote: »

I could get banned for this, but feel i have to say it.

People like you ruin other peoples lives. Leave your wife, she is better off without you.
You are horrible and nasty...you get a thrill cheating on her.

My b'f cheated on me, and i thought my life was over, but if i was married to a man that i made a commitment to spend my life with...i think i would actually go mad!!!

You have no respect for your wife...

Thats a bit harsh. Everybodies issues affect their lives in different ways. Everybody has their vices and this mans happens to be cheating. In my opinion its a better vice than going out drinking everynight or over dependancy on drugs. Both of the latter would affect his wife in much worse ways

LegacyUser

Men like you make me sick. It isn't big or clever, your wife doesn't deserve this because all it is down to is your low self esteem. Get help.

sammyv

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

Thats a bit harsh. Everybodies issues affect their lives in different ways. Everybody has their vices and this mans happens to be cheating. In my opinion its a better vice than going out drinking everynight or over dependancy on drugs. Both of the latter would affect his wife in much worse ways

Thats your opinion, and i have mine.

Cheaters are nasty people, i just hope there is no kids involved.

And i hope he doesnt put his wife in any sort of danger...infection wise!!

star-pants

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

Thats a bit harsh. Everybodies issues affect their lives in different ways. Everybody has their vices and this mans happens to be cheating. In my opinion its a better vice than going out drinking everynight or over dependancy on drugs. Both of the latter would affect his wife in much worse ways

True everybody has their issues and vices but I don't think you could say cheating is better than overdrinking/drugs for affecting your OH. What if by cheating a virus was caught and passed onto the wife - that would affect the rest of her life. Or if there were children involved - cheating might cause a whole mess for the family. Or if it's continued for years it could have similar mental and emotional scars as overdrinking etc would.

You are right in the fact that only the OP can choose to stop this, noone can force him. OP - do you love your wife? If you truly do, then you need to do this for her. Prove your love, you've married her but you don't stand by the vows you made. Which means you're lying to her. You said yourself you'd leave her no problem if it was her doing this -- why should you get away with it? I'm not berating, obviously I don't agree with what you're doing, or the fact you're so happy in doing it. But you're hurting your wife, and your future. I would say counselling might help you to confront your issues and learn how to curb your urge to cheat.

You have to want to stop - I know you said you don't -- but what's the point in continuing with your marriage if it's a lie on your half?

Quazzie

Orls81 wrote: »

Cheaters are nasty people,

Thats a bit of a generalization isn't it. Brandishing people who cheat as nasty without knowing the people involved is a bit harsh imho.

ManOfMystery

Well it may be a generalisation but it's on the right track, cheaters are hardly nice, decent honest people - particularly serial cheaters who cheat on their spouse like this one?

OP - what is it that you enjoy, the thrill of the chase or the sex itself? Are these one-offs or long time affairs? Is it a sex addiction?

LegacyUser

its a new marriage. no kids. 1st marriage. do i love her... i think so. she deserves better, that i know. therapy, id love too... who can afford anything but the basics these days? simply cant afford it. kind of stupid isn't it? if i was on drugs or something people would be coming outta the woodwork to get me help, government programs and the like. this will have a huge affect on her, how could it not. long term i mean. i just needed an outlet. cheers all.

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

I cant stop or really dont want to.

Well nobody here can help you. Sorry.

am i alone in this?

No, there's lots of twats on the world. You certainly aren't alone.

Why the hell are you even bothering to post this? Lads like you really drag the rest of us down.

Pub07

Four-Too wrote: »

On the positive side of things.....you could be seeking kids for sex.

wat

Wagon

Pub07 wrote: »

wat

He means that it could be worse. He has a point.

bubblewrap

Unregistered wrote: »

if the situation was reversed i would leave her. divorce, no second thought about it.

Tell her then and give her the option. What do you have to lose? You will still be getting what you are getting just without the guilt. You obviously do not love or respect her.

What exactly is keeping you with her?

No bloody wonder I am so insecure and jealous in relationships when men like you exist. :mad:

LegacyUser

OP if you want to save your marriage, you'll find the money for counselling. On the other hand, you've already said you don't want to change, so even if you could afford the counselling, I doubt you would.

If you don't want to change, then I think you should end your marriage. If your wife didn't agree to an "open" relationship, she shouldn't be subjected to one. If you end your marriage you can fcuk around all you want without hurting someone who thinks she's with the man of her dreams and doesn't realise he's actually hurting her quite badly behind her back.

If you love her, but not enough to change, then you really should leave her. She deserves someone who will devote himself to her and not disrespect her the way you have.

On the other hand, whatever happens, you need counselling. Even for the sake of figuring out why you cheat.

sammyv

Yes it really poeple like you that causes so much insecurity and paranoia in a relationship.

Why cant people be faithful?

LegacyUser

I don't understand cheaters either, a drunken mistake maybe but not continuous affairs, if your partner is that bad that you have to go elsewhere to make you happy then just bloody LEAVE THEM!!

useful_contacts

Unregistered wrote: »

its a new marriage. no kids. 1st marriage. do i love her... i think so.

What!!!!!!!!! How can you marry someone you THINK you love!!!

Loxosceles

And then, what amazes me, is that the man in the 'Wife leaving' thread has supported his wife, been faithful to her while she had affairs, held up the family alone with his wages, been a great father to his kids, and she is still leaving him and trying to take the kids with her...because she's bored.

I dunno, I personally think this scumbag who is cheating on his wife probably has some messed-up subconscious reasons for doing so, and should not be doing it, granted, but would married cheating in Ireland be _this_ rife (I'm American, birthplace of the sexual revolution, and I NEVER have seen married cheating so damn rife except here, it is APPALLING) if the previous weren't so easy for a woman to do?

Because in this country, people, between the welfare system and the legal system, men are 100% disposable at any time whether they put in decades of devotion, if they're good husbands and fathers, or nasty little scumbags like this one, or a woman is a horrible horrible mother and alcoholic and addict and she STILL gets the damn kids. Maybe a lot of men here would think twice about behaving like scumbags if they felt they had some reward and recourse in being responsible, and women were taught how to value their own careers and equality.

Just saying.

Because it's night and day here. Either devoted sacrificial hardworking fathers who end up getting screwed anyhow, or absolute total scumbag pr!cks like this one who are just pre-empting the inevitable.

Kaldorn

she washes his clothes and makes his dinner most nights and he gets the odd bit of head during the week and she cleans the gaff,he is lazy and lives an easy life..simple really not justifying it at all by the way

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I don't understand cheaters either, a drunken mistake maybe but not continuous affairs, if your partner is that bad that you have to go elsewhere to make you happy then just bloody LEAVE THEM!!

Could not agree more if I tried.

sammyv

I dont even see the point of this post, he doesnt even want to get help.
I can cope with alot of things, and i would give alot of people the benefit of the doubt....but i hate innocent people getting hurt due to someones crappy behaviour. Cop yourself on!!!

bubblewrap

I think this thread is completely uneccessary, I wouldn't care if he was remorseful asking for help but all he is doing is fuelling insecurity and showing that some people really are heartless b******s.

Mountjoy Mugger

O.P.


If you don't want to stop, or get help, why post in PI?

Are you a troll? If not, have the balls to post somewhere like AH, under your normal username.

sammyv

Yes and in a way i feel the OP is gloating about his behaviour.

Its your poor wife that has the PI, not you. You dont give a damn.
Has she any idea what is happening??

What gives someone the right to f**k someone elses life up...having your cake and eating it!!!

Go to an STI clinic now and get yourself checked out, but on saying that, what is the point, i doubt you will tell you wife if there is anyting wrong. You dont care about her emotionally, why care about her health!!

bubblewrap

Think of all the potential kids running around from his dalliances, god help them if they turn out like him. :rolleyes:

ellie1

What goes around comes around. Not very helpful but true.

bubblewrap

That is true, you never think so at the time but he will get hurt one day.

RossFixxxed

I think there is a degree of guilt in the OP's post. There is a lot of macho swagger about it but he does know it's wrong and is obviously posting for a reason.

Also this post serves to highlight what some people are like. It will be of help to people in similar situations ON BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE, as a warning.

It DOES NOT speak about men in general and if that makes anyone insecure that's crazy. There's a percentage of people out there who are murderers too, doesn't make all of us one of them either.

OP what do you want to do really. This is gonna catch you sooner or later in some way... If you want the thrill of the hunt and the getting girls thing then do it single and let your wife meet someone who'll stay with her and meet her needs.

R

mirwillbeback

Unregistered wrote: »

i am one of those people who thrive on the thrill of cheating on my wife. I cant stop or really dont want to. its not fair to my wife. not fair at all. i know this. if the situation was reversed i would leave her. divorce, no second thought about it. i must have serious mental and emotional problems. i dont know why im even writing this as i will get seriously abused. i have never been able to be with someone and not cheat. as a result of this i have huge problems with trusting her. i am self absorbed and not even that good looking. i cant even try to explain how wonderful she is to me. i have never been caught by anyone. and i dont want lectures. an outlet i suppose. am i alone in this?

you say you cant stop and dont want to and yet it sounds like you're unhappy as a result but the upside of the thrill is too strong to ignore - sounds like an addiction that you need help for.

i would suggest you get some counselling to help you - it's an emotional problem, one which I believe shows low self esteem.

that's being polite as I certainly do not agree with what you are doing - but you need to get yourself sorted out, cop on and see that you are trapped in a damaging cycle - only you can sort yourself out, but there is a better way to lead your life.

and don't worry about the abuse you will receive on here, most of boards are holier than thou :rolleyes:

get your life together, see a professional for help, and i wish you well.

LegacyUser

Can I just ask..........has she ever suspected anything?

How do you act around her? Do you feel bad when she is nice to you and doesn't know what you are like?

Also, are these women any better looking or better than your wife in any way or is it because it is easy?

dwpg83

Orls81 wrote: »

I could get banned for this, but feel i have to say it.

People like you ruin other peoples lives. Leave your wife, she is better off without you.
You are horrible and nasty...you get a thrill cheating on her.

My b'f cheated on me, and i thought my life was over, but if i was married to a man that i made a commitment to spend my life with...i think i would actually go mad!!!

You have no respect for your wife...

I agree, I have absolutely no time for people like you.

bubblewrap

I feel so sorry for your wife, does she have an inkling what you are up to? I am bad enough with my boyfriend now, as far as I know he is innocent but after this, it makes me feel worse thinking what if.....:(

smileykey

Are you asking for advice on how to stop/how to want to stop?
Are you asking for advice on weather your wife would be better off with out you or
Are you asking for judgement and someone to tell you off cause that will make you feel less guilty?

I know people like you who can't refrane from cheating and yet keep going into monogomous relationships, I don't understand it, if its a case that you want to sleep around and have the comfort of someone to go back to then find someone who wants a polygamous relationship. But the serial cheaters I know hate the idea of an open relationship because they want the full undying attention of their OH. They do all the destructive things they do so they can make it all about them and the big victim they are becasue they can't stop themselves - there's something wrong with them. Screw that, All thats wrong with them is that they're attention seeking spoilt brats who don't care about who they hurt to get the spotlight on them, even if they're hurting themsleves too.

I'm not saying this is what you're like but if it sounds like you, get help. You need it.

bubblewrap

Spot on, especially this bit.

smileykey wrote: »

But the serial cheaters I know hate the idea of an open relationship because they want the full undying attention of their OH.

I can only hope the poor cow is doing it behind his back too.

RossFixxxed

Actually mriwillbeback above hit the nail on the head: addiction. You sound like every single addict I have ever know tbh but just with this. you KNOW it's wrong but you keep doing it and defend it in some weird way.

Some of the real questions for the OP are: do you want to stop? do you want to leave your wife? What do you think will happen long term here?

bubblewrap

The OP has gone awful quiet, do you think they did it to create an uproar because he hasn't answered our questions has he?

Wagon

mirwillbeback wrote: »

and don't worry about the abuse you will receive on here, most of boards are holier than thou :rolleyes:

That is pretty true. I hate the 'holier than thou' attitude when it's not called for such as in threads where people are looking for help (look at the amount of abuse that lad got because he was pissed off his ma got up the duff :eek:), but from the post this chap wrote wrote, it doesn't seem that he wants to chage.

Unregistered wrote: »

I cant stop or really dont want to.

If the chap came on here and said he wants to stop then a lot of people would help but from what I can see, the whole post is just a way of showing off to randomers on the internet.

Poloman

Im so angry when I read the first post. Shaking with rage. What a selfish selfish person. Im not going to lecture you as you asked and it wouldnt register in your mind as all you care about is yourself.

Im sorry but your wife doesnt deserve you and I hope she finds out which she will. It all comes out in the end.

LegacyUser

reading everyones replies to what i said made me feel terrible. also clarified what i also knew about myself. granted i didnt understand alot of the abrieviations, but i got the gist. i posted unregistered because i never want this to come back to me. i am a coward in so many respects. i am an addict. i am not trying to excuse my behavior in anyway. i am not trying to gloat. i wanted an outlet. i got one. so many things that people said struck me like lightning. this is gonna come back to me in some serious karma. bears thinking about.

LegacyUser

How can you not want to give up! If you felt terrible you would want to give up! I got sick almost reading that, your MARRIED! The poor darn woman is all i can say. You are hurting her without realising, you are treating her like shyte, you are totally disrespecting her.

I dont think i;m an angel, far from it. When i first started going out with my boyfriend i cheated on him once. Got totally rat faced, first time i'd drank in 5 years, and i cheated. I never felt so sick or scared or sorry in my life. I felt so disgusted that i would betray him even though i had only been with him 2 months. He had said the i love you stuff, i hadn't but i felt rotten for him and disgusted with myself. To the point i have never touched a drop of alcohol since, 4 years later. Not because drink is any excuse, but because i would be weary that if i did it once i could do it again with drink and not having my wits about me. I dont think i would but i wouldnt take the chance! I nearly lost what turned out to be the best thing in my life, the most wonderful man in the world, someone who would never dream of cheating on me who adores me, and to think i hurt him still makes me SICK! Oh i told him, i couldn't live with the guilt or sick feeling, i told him the next evening. Fortunately he forgave me and trusted me again.

How you dont want to stop is beyond me. If you dont want to leave the woman, feck off and be a single man and sleep all around you and leave your wife to find someone who will love her and treat her right and not want to go off shagging all around him.

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

reading everyones replies to what i said made me feel terrible. also clarified what i also knew about myself. granted i didnt understand alot of the abrieviations, but i got the gist. i posted unregistered because i never want this to come back to me. i am a coward in so many respects. i am an addict. i am not trying to excuse my behavior in anyway. i am not trying to gloat. i wanted an outlet. i got one. so many things that people said struck me like lightning. this is gonna come back to me in some serious karma. bears thinking about.

Alright, think carefully for a minute. Do women come onto you? Do you make the first move?

bubblewrap

Unregistered wrote: »

reading everyones replies to what i said made me feel terrible. also clarified what i also knew about myself. granted i didnt understand alot of the abrieviations, but i got the gist. i posted unregistered because i never want this to come back to me. i am a coward in so many respects. i am an addict. i am not trying to excuse my behavior in anyway. i am not trying to gloat. i wanted an outlet. i got one. so many things that people said struck me like lightning. this is gonna come back to me in some serious karma. bears thinking about.

Get some help then, if you are an addict, use your addictions on the woman you are supposed to love. :rolleyes:

Dudess

That doesn't even make sense...

OP, definitely seems like you have a serious addiction - knowing it's wrong but continuing to do it. And you do seem ashamed - even if you're not saying so, otherwise you wouldn't give enough of a sh1t to start this thread.
Insulting the OP (and frankly projecting some of your own issues on him) is pointless. He knows well what he's doing.
And the reason he's posting is to ascertain whether he's alone or not, and whether there is any advice people could offer.

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

Thats a bit harsh. Everybodies issues affect their lives in different ways. Everybody has their vices and this mans happens to be cheating. In my opinion its a better vice than going out drinking everynight or over dependancy on drugs. Both of the latter would affect his wife in much worse ways

I agree with the first part of your post but I disagree breaking someone's heart and shattering them emotionally is better than having a drink or drug addiction.

Wagon wrote: »

Lads like you really drag the rest of us down.

Well I'd disagree. I think people who condemn all men because of guys like the OP are idiots.

bubblewrap wrote: »

No bloody wonder I am so insecure and jealous in relationships when men like you exist. :mad:

Sorry no, that's YOUR insecurity and jealousy. Being suspicious of guys you've been with because of guys like the OP is not reasonable and is something you need to work on (as you have acknowledged elsewhere).

Unregistered wrote: »

If you don't want to change, then I think you should end your marriage. If your wife didn't agree to an "open" relationship, she shouldn't be subjected to one. If you end your marriage you can fcuk around all you want without hurting someone

The thing is though, he wants both. Being footloose and fancy-free to sleep with whomever he wants - no thrill in that. And no loyal woman to come home to every evening.

On the other hand, whatever happens, you need counselling. Even for the sake of figuring out why you cheat.

I don't think it's difficult to see why a person would cheat. I do think though this is an addiction and counselling is needed to help the OP break the cycle.

ellie1 wrote: »

What goes around comes around.

I think kharma's a load of bullsh1t. Plenty of people haven't had "theirs" and while they may in the next life, we don't know that for sure. They may not.

Wagon wrote: »

That is pretty true. I hate the 'holier than thou' attitude when it's not called for such as in threads where people are looking for help (look at the amount of abuse that lad got because he was pissed off his ma got up the duff :eek:)

People were furious because of what he did to his mother and how he spoke to her and thought of her... not because he was pissed off about her being pregnant. Didn't think it was unwarranted at all.