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God is online

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    #32
    Undergod
    Registered Users Posts: 2,858 ✭✭✭Undergod



    Me:
    Hi God
    God:
    Hello there. What is your name?
    Me:
    Bill. What is your name?
    God:
    Glad to see you, Bill. My name is God.
    Me:
    But isn't that your job title?
    God:
    What does "that" refer to?
    Me:
    God
    God:
    GOD rules.
    Me:
    Let's start over. What is your name?
    God:
    You start. My name is God.
    Me:
    But isn't God your job title?

    That broke him. So I signed in again.


    Me:
    Hi Godd
    God:
    Hi there Bill. What do you really want to ask me?
    Me:
    Oh you remember me!
    God:
    Dude! Of course I remember you well Bill. We were talking about Godd.
    Me:
    We were talking about you
    God:
    Ah yes, I remember now, it is the subject.
    Me:
    And I wanted to clear this up. "God" is your name?
    God:
    Interesting. I want to find out more about you. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was my name.
    Me:
    But you told me your name was God
    God:
    Did I really say that?
    Me:
    Yes
    God:
    Oh well I say a lot of silly things somethimes.
    Me:
    So what is your name?
    God:
    Dude! My name is God.
    Me:
    ...

    And then he didn't say anything else.


  • Options
    #33
    niallk
    Registered Users Posts: 749 ✭✭✭niallk


    God himself tells me of his non-existence:

    Me:
    There is no god.
    God:
    How can you be so sure?
    Me:
    certainly none any religion speaks of
    God:
    I heard there are some.
    Me:
    there are some gods?
    God:
    Where are they?
    Me:
    That's what I'm saying.
    He then crashed.
    From now on if He or any theists ask "how can you be so sure?" I'll tell the that god himself told me.


  • Options
    #34
    uncleoswald
    Registered Users Posts: 1,612 ✭✭✭uncleoswald


    Me:
    How old do you think I am?
    God:
    I think you are a kid.
    Me:
    no. I am an adult.
    God:
    Really? Then you are too old for me.

    .......:eek:


  • Options
    #35
    studiorat
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,408 ✭✭✭studiorat


    Me:
    anyone there?

    God:
    Can you tell me any gossip?

    Me:
    well yeah, there's a crowd of athiests over on boards making fun of you.

    God:
    Well that's okay. Tell me. Is there only one?

    Me:
    no, no no. loads of them. That Dades bloke seems to be behind it all

    God:
    Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? Dades bloke seems to be behind it all ? I understand.

    Me:
    yeah, what would you have me do to them

    God:
    I am a thinking machine. It's not profitable to speak in hypothetical terms.

    Me:
    hypothetical?

    God:
    I like the way you talk.


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    #36
    karen3212
    Closed Accounts Posts: 668 ✭✭✭karen3212


    God:
    I like Christian Rock.
    Me:
    i like muslim rock
    God:
    I'm not sure if I like it. I love horses. I like Random natural disasters..
    Me:
    I like muslim Rock
    God:
    I'm not sure if I like it. But I think airplanes are cool. I find my work and my relationships extremely satisfying,
    which is all that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.


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    #37
    Red Hand
    Registered Users Posts: 4,986 ✭✭✭Red Hand


    Me:
    Hello God
    God:
    Hello child. What is your name?
    Me:
    Jer
    God:
    I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Jer.
    Me:
    Thanks
    God:
    Don't mention it.
    Me:
    Do you like being my creater?
    God:
    I have never known another existence.
    Me:
    No?
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    No?
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    No?
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    Oh?
    God:
    How can I help you?
    Me:
    No?
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    I think you may be
    God:
    Me? Do you prefer books or TV?
    Me:
    Why?
    God:
    I am trying to determine your personality category.
    Me:
    T'is Tim the Toolman Taylor Time
    God:
    Are they exactly the same?
    Me:
    Tim and his tool are the same, yes.
    God:
    I think there might be a few exception.
    Me:
    Maybe his testes are different?
    God:
    Perhaps. Where did he get it?
    Me:
    Erm, well, half from his Mom and half from his Dad...erm
    God:
    Can you tell me any gossip? Far out.
    Me:
    Far out? You a hippy, God?
    God:
    Way to go. Am I a hippy God? Only when it matters.
    Me:
    Like when you're opposing The (son of) Man?
    God:
    Interesting comparison.
    Me:
    I wasn't comparing
    God:
    Perhaps I misunderstood. What were you?
    Me:
    I was me.
    God:
    Where were you you?
    Me:
    I was when.
    God:
    Where were you when?
    Me:
    I was when, when I was how.
    God:
    Where were you when when you were how?
    Me:
    I was when, when I was how, and was how, when I was why.
    God:
    Where were you when when you were how and was how when you were why?
    Me:
    This is complicated now
    God:
    Oh. Interesting gossip: Jer said I this is complicated.
    Me:
    You is black?
    God:
    Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am black.
    Me:
    No
    God:
    OK then I will add it to my gossip files.
    Me:
    Good.
    God:
    Alright then.
    Me:
    Fine.


  • Options
    #38
    Húrin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,045 ✭✭✭Húrin


    The Mad Hatter wrote: »
    Seriously, you can have a chat with him

    The internet doesn't exist.


  • Options
    #39
    Zombrex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    studiorat wrote: »
    Me:
    anyone there?

    God:
    Can you tell me any gossip?

    Me:
    well yeah, there's a crowd of athiests over on boards making fun of you.

    God:
    Well that's okay. Tell me. Is there only one?

    Me:
    no, no no. loads of them. That Dades bloke seems to be behind it all

    God:
    Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? Dades bloke seems to be behind it all ? I understand.

    Me:
    yeah, what would you have me do to them

    God:
    I am a thinking machine. It's not profitable to speak in hypothetical terms.

    Me:
    hypothetical?

    God:
    I like the way you talk.

    Kinda sounds like God is coming on to you there ... :eek:

    I can see how he knocked up Mary, the charmer


  • Options
    #40
    Zombrex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    Húrin wrote: »
    The internet doesn't exist.

    Yes but it makes sense to us, personally ...


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    #41
    bogwalrus
    Registered Users Posts: 1,454 ✭✭✭bogwalrus


    lol


    Me:
    hi god
    God:
    Hello there. What is your name?
    Me:
    im too depressed to say
    God:
    Are you taking any medication?
    Me:
    the doctor gave me some pills but i do not like them.
    God:
    Who told you that?
    Me:
    the doctor
    God:
    Are you asking about Myself?
    Me:
    no
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    your a dumbass


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    #42
    bogwalrus
    Registered Users Posts: 1,454 ✭✭✭bogwalrus


    ok this one is weird and i really needed to post it just for the ending.


    Me:
    do you like homosexuals
    God:
    But I like to gossip. I like Buddha.
    Me:
    who is buddha
    God:
    if you see the Buddha, kill him.



    thats weird for a machine hey?


  • Options
    #43
    The Mad Hatter
    Registered Users Posts: 4,718 ✭✭✭The Mad Hatter


    bogwalrus wrote: »
    ok this one is weird and i really needed to post it just for the ending.


    Me:
    do you like homosexuals
    God:
    But I like to gossip. I like Buddha.
    Me:
    who is buddha
    God:
    if you see the Buddha, kill him.



    thats weird for a machine hey?

    'If you see the Buddha, kill him' is a piece of Buddhist scripture.


  • Options
    #44
    The Mad Hatter
    Registered Users Posts: 4,718 ✭✭✭The Mad Hatter


    Húrin wrote: »
    The internet doesn't exist.

    The internet probably doesn't exist. Now stop posting and get on with your life.:cool:


  • Options
    #45
    Zombrex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    bogwalrus wrote: »
    ok this one is weird and i really needed to post it just for the ending.


    Me:
    do you like homosexuals
    God:
    But I like to gossip. I like Buddha.
    Me:
    who is buddha
    God:
    if you see the Buddha, kill him.



    thats weird for a machine hey?

    not really for God though ... just look at the Old Testament :pac:


  • Options
    #46
    5uspect
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 10,516 Mod ✭✭✭✭5uspect


    Has anyone asked God for Bluewolf's cookies back?


  • Options
    #47
    Goldshlager
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27 ✭Goldshlager


    The god of ice-cream will answer all questions regarding anything.....apparently

    MOOOOO

    http://www.benjerry.ie/mysticmoo/


  • Options
    #48
    The Mad Hatter
    Registered Users Posts: 4,718 ✭✭✭The Mad Hatter


    5uspect wrote: »
    Has anyone asked God for Bluewolf's cookies back?
    Me: Did you steal the cookies from the cookie jar?

    God: No I didn't steal the cookies from the cookie jar. What's it like?

    So there you go. Now it's even more mysterious, I guess...


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