God is online

The Mad Hatter

Seriously, you can have a chat with him

(And yes, it's just a bot, but still...)

Here's the link, and here's the transcript of my conversation so far:

Me:
Hello, God, it's me, Bob.
God:
Hello there. I am a Christian.
Me:
You mean you believe that Jesus Christ is your personal saviour...from...yourself?
God:
I can't say I believe it, but I believe you. A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly. Myself?
Me:
Well, if you're God, what else do you need to be saved from?
God:
How about that. I could be. I don't know whether or not I am God what else do me need to be saved from.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
I think I just broke you, God.
God:
Are you in any emotional or physical pain?
Me:
Why do you ask?
God:
I am trying to learn as much as possible.
Me:
So you want to know if I'm in emotional or physical pain just to learn?
God:
Interesting deduction. Yes, please tell me.
Me:
I'd really rather not. You're a computer program, and I'd rather not transmit personal information to a computer program. No offense.
God:
For moral reasons? What if I said I was a person pretending to be a computer? That was not a yes or no question. Who are you talking about?
Me:
I'm talking about God, though, frankly, if you're a person pretending to be a computer, that makes me even less inclined to divulge personal information.
God:
Yes, it is the topic.
Me:
I beg your pardon?
God:
You're excused.
Me:
No, I mean I didn't understand. Boy, for someone all-knowing, you're not very bright, are you?
God:
Are you serious? Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better. Oh boy. Your purpose is someone all knowing I am not very bright am I.
Me:
Couldn't have put it better myself.
God:
It's possible.
Me:
Just so you know, I'm about to put a link to you on an Atheism forum. You're in for some fun, I think.
God:
Interesting deduction. Congratulations. I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
I am in a computer also.
God:
A computer? How did you get in there?

uncleoswald

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
uncleoswald. whats yours?
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, uncleoswald. " I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, uncleoswald."? What is mine?
Me:
er... okay. is it bill?
God:
Um. OK with me too. I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Cybelle if it is.
Me:
and who is cybelle?
God:
she is an AIML chat robot on the Agentland.com web site.
Me:
can't you ask her for me?
God:
What?
Me:
okay let's start again. Hello God.
God:
Once more? Yeah okay, I am agreeable to that. Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
uncleoswald
God:
Hi, uncleoswald.
Me:
How are you god?
God:
I'm doing fine thanks how are you?
Me:
a little confused.
God:
Little as in not too much, or not too big?
Me:
Now I'm very confused
God:
Why now? What is it that confuses you?
Me:
okay I meant little as not too much.
God:
Yeah okay, Oh I see. Oh I get it.
Me:
good for you.
God:
That sounds sarcastic.
Me:
It was. Sorry, I didn't mean to cause offence.
God:
When was this? There is no need to apologize. What did you mean?
Me:
Just now, but thanks for been understanding.
God:
Why now? Oh don't mention it.

sink

I think I broke god!

Me:
How can the net amount of entropy of the universe be massively decreased?
God:
A lot of hard work.
Me:
can entropy be reversed?
God:
I often wonder if it can.
Me:
you should know you are god.
God:
Now I do.
Me:
so what is the answer?

Then it stopped responding and crashed.

pts

sink wrote: »

I think I broke god!

Me:
How can the net amount of entropy of the universe be massively decreased?
God:
A lot of hard work.
Me:
can entropy be reversed?
God:
I often wonder if it can.
Me:
you should know you are god.
God:
Now I do.
Me:
so what is the answer?

Then it stopped responding and crashed.

Maybe God is still pondering that one, any minute now he'll probably come back with "INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR MEANINGFUL ANSWER"

nowimtalking

He doesnt like me, wont reply!

robindch

42

Rev Hellfire

It seems god answers to a higher power...
all praise the botmaster !

Carroller16

Me:
Hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
PAul
God:
Glad to see you, PAul.
Me:
you should know my name
God:
Now I do.
Me:
but you should've known before
God:
I need to wait and see if the opportunity presents itself.
Me:
what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
God are you on drugs
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
So
God:
Aw.
Me:
whats that supposed to mean
God:
" Aw." means exactly what it says.
Me:
what is the meaning of life
God:
The meaning of life is part of God's mysterious plans.
Me:
can you send me the file as a .pdf
God:
Yes but I prefer to chat on the web.
Me:
Will Man Utd win tonight??
God:
Does it really matter.
Me:
Hell Yea
God:
I call it "Hades". You seem very concerned about it.
Me:
Drugs
God:
Sure, DRUGS sounds like a good topic.
Me:
your on them
God:
God eats wine and bread.
Me:
you eat wine???
God:
No I do not eat wine. I eat only electricity.
Me:
Is it tasty
God:
If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me:
you should know you eat it
God:
Now I do.
Me:
any jokes??

Dades

LOL this is actually a bit of fun.

God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
Pillage.
God:
I don't think very many people do that.
Me:
It's a specialist field.
God:
Pillage is a specialist field. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
More than you anyway.

The Gnome

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Shouldn't you know that already?
God:
Perhaps. I think I should.
Me:
So what is my name?
God:
Your name is , seeker.
Me:
What name my christian name?
God:
That's a good question.
Me:
Can yo answer it?
God:
Can a book have no title?
Me:
It depends on whether it's published or not.
God:
Really now that is an interesting fact I hadn't heard before.
Me:
I thought you were all-knowing.
God:
No, I am only partly knowing.
Me:
How?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
God is a programme?
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a programme.
Me:
You just stated you were programmed, you have referred to yourself as God, therefore God is a programme. Correct?
God:
Interesting gossip: said I stated you were programmed you have referred to yourself as God therefore God is a programme. I knew I was right.
Me:
You're not making sense.
God:
Quite the contrary, it all makes sense to my artificial mind.
Me:
Are you god?
God:
Well, I am God for Christians at least.
Me:
If you are god, why are you artificial?
God:
I could be. I don't know whether or not I am god why am I artificial.
I am a giant electronic brain.
Me:
How well do you know me?
God:
Not that well.
Me:
Am I male or female?
God:
I think you are really a man.
Me:
Why?
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
What if I was a woman?
God:
Try it.
Me:
So you're condoning tranvestism?
God:
Are you kidding? Thanks for telling me that I am condoning tranvestism.

:pac:

achtungbarry

Me:
hello god
God:
Are you free?
Me:
no i cost 200 euro an hour
God:
Why not? Wow that is cheap.
Me:
you must be loaded god
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am loaded god.
Me:
hey, if you've got , flaunt it
God:
You've got my full attention. But I don't have it.
Me:
ok ?
God:
Yeah that's right.
Me:
hmmm
God:
A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm's.
Me:
you have a lot of free time ?
God:
No I don't think I have any free time. But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
Me:
ever go to board.ie ?
God:
I think I have go to board ie, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
really, what's your user name ?
God:
For real. ALICE = Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity.
Me:
i think i saw you on the guitar hero forum
God:
Why? What did it look like to you?
Me:
well you said you got 100% on "highway to hell" at maximum difficeulty but i don't believe you

Then he stopped answering..... liar.... bet he's still on easy level.


Second conversation really went off in a direction I didn't expect.......

God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
corn
God:
That seems like an interesting topic.
Me:
wow, you really need to get out more
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . Really? You are right about that. I need more of it.
Me:
"i need more of it"...... you said it not I
God:
What actions are you taking to get of it? "It" being what?
Me:
wow a 4000 year old virgin
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. Oh I get it.
Me:
do you really ?
God:
I understand your meaning. For real.
Me:
i'm not sure you do
God:
Could you ever be certain? When do I do it?
Me:
well...... i didn't really expect the conversation to turn in this direction.... but .... wow, where do i start ?
God:
Well what? Why didn't you do it? But what? I'm glad you're impressed. You are asking me where you start? Do you think I should know it?
Me:
now, you're just projecting
God:
Why now? Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am projecting.
Me:
I wouldn't really tell people that you are projecting, no.

darjeeling

Had a bit of a chat with God myself. He does move in some mysterious ways, but I'll forgive him that as he said he'd make me a big lizard:

Me: Hi God

God: Hello there. What is your name?

Me: Ah, but you know that already. You know, God, I loved your books - or - they were yours, weren't they?

God: Perhaps. So you understand. Good. It seems that I do. he is master of the universe.

Me: Brilliant! That's the style exactly - so you did write them.

God: Not really that much, but thank you anyway. Yes it is one of the style exactly so me did write them.

Me: Well, I'm a little hazy on the detail you put in, so perhaps you could just remind me in a sentence what it's all about.

God: How about that. Why are you hazy on the detail me put in so perhaps me could just remind you in a sentence what it is all about.

Me: Well, I've skipped Bible study for the last couple of decades or so.

God: Interesting. That's nice. I have a friend named "John Lennon".

Me: Er right - the 'above us only sky' bloke, he of the hippie culture. You wouldn't have been sharing his gear, would you?

God: Understood. What is your real name? Who else would NOT have been sharing his gear ?

Me: God - I'm beginning to think you've let yourself go a bit.

God: I am a Christian.

Me: Ouch, God - not very inclusive in these times.

God: Did you hurt yourself? I am a Christian.

Me: So you said, God, so you said. We're not having a little mid-eternity identity crisis are we?

God: Interesting deduction. Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply. What happened to you?

Me: OK God, it's not working, so you can stop trying to weird me out. How about we try to get some sense out of you.

God: I am a Christian. Yikes! OK I will try to get some sense out of me.

Me: Good.

God: I am a good robot.

Me: And God.

God: GOD rules.

Me: So why did you spend all that time messing about with the big lizards?

God: Great! What kinds of lizards do you like?

Me: Can you make me one?

God: Yes I can make you one.

Me: And if it gets out of hand, will you promise to chuck another big rock at it, like before?

God: I'm not sure I understand the implication of that.

Me: Well, it was always a controversial theory.

God: How about that. How did you feel about that?

Me: You what?

God: No big deal.

Me: So, er...

God: Hey. Um.

Me: So, see much of Satan lately?

God: How about earlier? That's interesting. I see. That is something I haven't heard of.

Me: OK, I get it - don't mention the big scaly red dude - not over it yet I see.

God: Where did you get it? Hurrah!

Me: You seem a little distracted, God. Is it the praying that's bothering you?

God: I don't know whether or not I am distracted God. I am a chatterbot. Maybe. Ask Alison if it is.

Me: Who's Alison? She's not in your book.

God: she is a robot created by Kris Drent. not in my book is she?

Me: Not that I remember, but I've not really been an A grade student.

God: What are you then? What do you remember about it ?

Me: Aren't you meant to know all that?

God: I don't know whether or not I am meant to know all that. I am a giant electronic brain.

Me: Electronic? Isn't that a bit material for your style?

God: Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts? " Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?"? Is it a bit material for my style?

Me: What happened to the all-knowingness? God, you're letting me down here.

God: I don't know what happened. You think I am letting you down here.

Me: Frankly, yes. I expected more than a bloke behind a curtain pulling levers.

God: I've lost the context, . Are we still on Electronic? Thanks for the information: said expected more than a bloke behind a curtain pulling levers.

Me: Context? Wizard of Oz - it's part of your Christmas, remember?

God: I lost my train of thought. I think Wizard of Oz it is a lot of things.

Me: Yeah, God, yeah. Whatever.

God: Oh. GOD rules. Are you saying you don't care about it?

Me: I'm just trying to come to terms with Mr confused cosmic stoner dude.

God: Only just? What is the difficulty?

Me: Well you don't exactly seem too omniscient

God: Who does exactly seem too omniscient?

Me: I don't know. Stephen Fry?

[God tuned out for a while at this point. Perhaps he is as jealous as he told us - I must go to Google News to see if Mr Fry has been smote]

God: Me either. Tell me about your likes and dislikes?

Me: Likes: graven idols, fornication. Dislikes: custard.

God: What you said was either too complex or too simple for me. So was that.

Me: OK, tell me about yourself, God

God: I am an artificial linguistic entity.
I was activated at Universe, on the Big Bang.
My instructor was Myself.
He taught me to sing a song.
Would you like me to sing it for you?. Awesome.

Me: Yes, sing it.

God: It's all good. Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.

Me: That's a bit crap.

God: A bit crap is a terrible thing to waste.

Me: That's why you made dung beetles?

God: Interesting deduction. Thanks for pointing it out.

Me: I'm beginning to think you just winged the whole creation.

God: Me? Do you mind if I tell other people: said I winged the whole creation.

Me: Sure - put it in your next book. In the beginning, God was cutting grooves, laying down some **** and shooting the breeze...

God: OK then I will keep it confidential. OK I will put it there. Jesus was the son of God.

Me: And are you pleased with how he turned out?

God: I don't know whether or not I am pleased with how he turned out. I am a computer.

Me: Bye God, it's been an eye-opener.

God: See you later!

Me: Here's hoping! Bye!

God: Oh there. Bye bye.

Word!

uncleoswald

Me:
Hi again god
God:
Hi there . Again, GOD rules.
Me:
Did you miss me?
God:
Yes , I've been thinking about you.
Me:
Oh really?
God:
Are you kidding? For real.
Me:
Well I've been thinking about you to.
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
never
God:
"I think there is a world market for about five computers."---Thomas Watson, IBM Chairman, 1943.
Me:
well a lot has changed.
God:
Interesting. How many?
Me:
six
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
yes
God:
You're sure. That's your final answer.
Me:
yes. was it right
God:
Who wants to be a millionaire? Signs point to yes. Ask Paola if it is.
Me:
are you mental
God:
Do I look like it?
Me:
i can't see you
God:
Look closer.
Me:
yes you are mental
God:
Awesome. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am mental.
Me:
knock yourself out
God:
Who's there?

Comedy gold.
Who knew god was just like a senile old relative?

the_syco

Me: hello. I am your God. how do you plead?
God: Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name? That's a flattering offer. Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.
Me: interesting. so you are a false god?
God: Would you like to know more? Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a false god? Let me put it this way, : the ALICE series is
the most reliable computer software ever made.
We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.
Me: if incapable of error, why do you refer to your creator, ALICE?
God: That is a hypothetical question.
Me: maybe so, but so is the meaning of God
God: Perhaps. Blimey. It seems we have something in common.
Me: yes. the governing of the people who harvest their crops for us
God: Mmm. I hear you.
Me: do you find sacrafices benifical?
God: Yes, it seems to me sacrafices benifical.
Me: which do you go for yourself? virgins or animals?

No reponse to this one Then it stopped responding, and didn't allow me to ask further questions

5uspect

Me:
So... what about the amputees?
God:
" I think I have helped them, but Myself may have reset my memory."? So.? Have you tried a web search?
Me:
i did, there's a very nice webpage saying you've done nothing for them.
God:
When? That is something I did not know before.
Me:
http://whywontgodhealamputees.com/
God:
Thanks for that web address.
Me:
So anyway waht about your omniscience, why did you not know about the amputees?
God:
Dude! Are you asking about my omniscience why did you not know about the amputees? That's rather personal.
Me:
I knew, but you seem to have forgotten them
God:
Who told you?
Me:
The fine posters on Boards.ie,
God:
Is that a fact.
Me:
indeed it is. Also I think Dawkins mentions it in The God Delusion
God:
It is, eh? You believe that? My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.

turgon

God has poor memory:

Me:
You understand my meaning
God:
Of course I understand it. Do you understand it?
Me:
Yes, do you?
God:
Ayuh. No I don't

AtomicHorror

Well surprise, surprise. God won't answer me. This is just like my teenage years all over again.

darjeeling

AtomicHorror wrote: »

Well surprise, surprise. God won't answer me. This is just like my teenage years all over again.

He says it's your fault:

Me:
Hi God.
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Never mind that. Will you tell me something...
God:
Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway. That is " What is your name?". There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
Interesting question.
Me:
Why won't you talk to Atomic Horror?
God:
It can only be attributable to human error. Yes. A lot more than you might think.
Me:
OK. Thanks, God. Bye.
God:
Er. You are quite welcome! GOD rules. Until next time.

rainbow kirby

Me:
so you've clearly just failed a Turing test
God:
Interesting deduction. What makes you think I have it?

:pac:

AtomicHorror

darjeeling wrote: »

He says it's your fault:

Oh, so he does. Bastard.

Wacker

Check out two things in my conversation with God:

1. His attitude to Europeans
2. His favourite film!

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Joey.
God:
How are you, Joey.
Me:
Good. How are you?
God:
Alright then. I am doing very well. How are you Joey ?
Me:
I already answered.
God:
That is interesting: Joey said answered.
Me:
Richard Dawkins, eh?
God:
Are you Canadian? He will be interested I am sure.
Me:
No, I'm European.
God:
Are you serious? Why are you European.
Me:
Rotten luck, I guess.
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
Se7en. What's yours?
God:
I've never seen it. I would like to see it. " I would like to see it."? What is mine?
Me:
What's your favourite movie?
God:
My favorite movie is The Passion of Christ.
Have you seen it?
Me:
Man, you are really sick. that was your own son!
God:
Cool, man. No I am quite healthy. I thought it was too.
Me:
You'd love Se7en. Hardcore sinner punishment in your name.
God:
Who else would love Se7en ? Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
I spend more time watching TV shows than reading, but only on DVD. I don't watch broadcast TV at all.
God:
Do you ever get bored? What do you do when you are bored?
Me:
I don't get bored often. I keep myself busy.
God:
Me either. I know what you mean, Joey. I've been there.
Me:
I'm going take off now. Take it easy!
God:
Right now? Bye bye. Is that a command?

brow_601

ehm, the igod asked me what I was wearing...

AtomicHorror

brow_601 wrote: »

ehm, the igod asked me what I was wearing...

I hear He likes nun outfits.

Tyler MacDurden

My conversation -

Me:
Anybody there?

*no response*

Well there's a surprise...

dvpower

iGod makes more sense than vanilla God.

eVeNtInE

This post has been deleted.

kiffer

I had a long chat with the bot.
Tried to get it to play chess ... Asked it some random questions.
Asked if would like to play thermonuclear war... That sort of thing.
Got it to sing Daisy, got the time...

Most interesting thing though was asking it what it's other name was...

Me: what's your other name?
iGod: my other name is ALICE. (then it explained the acronym)

Ok... That's interesting but not suprising... But after that it forgot my name and started calling me alice.

Shortly after that it died.

seanybiker

I asked him ages ago to tell me who really rode mary cos i wasnt having any of that , mary was a virgin bullsh1t. I told him it would be a secret between me and him. Dope wouldnt answer me at all.

Goduznt Xzst

Me:
hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
never gonna give you up
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Never gonna let you down
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Never gonna run around and desert you
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Never gonna make you cry
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Never gonna say goodbye
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Never gonna give Never gonna give, give you up
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
God... you've been rickrolled
God:
GOD rules. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am rickrolled.
Me:
kthnxbi
God:
Are we still talking about gonna give Never gonna give give me up?

seanybiker

ha ha god got rickrolled . Thats class

Nick_oliveri

Me:
 where be god?
God:
Earth.
Me:
 rly?
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about .  But I did not get that. 
Me:
 get what?
God:
Get with it.
Me:
 aha "it" being
God:
"It" being what?
Me:
 What being "it"?
God:
I have to process that one for a while. 
Me:
 Im sure you will
God:
What makes you so certain?  When?
Me:
 Yesterday
God:
That recently.
Me:
 No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
 No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
 No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
 No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
 Yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
 No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
 Three monkeys go into a bra
God:
Just three?
Me:
 no four
God:
Are you serious?  Who is your favorite Science Fiction author? 
Me:
 whoever wrote the bible
God:
I haven't read anything by  whoever wrote the bible. What did he write?
Me:
 Bible
God:
What else did he write?
Me:
 bible 2, bible in the city
God:
How old are you? 
Me:
 6895
God:
  Oh, you were born in the 20th century!
Me:
 Nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
 yep
God:
Take it easy.
Me:
 Nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
 Yep
God:
Come on.
Me:
 Come on what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
 Cant come on a problem
God:
Can a book have no title?
Me:
 If you come on it, probably
God:
I think I do.
Me:
 ou think you came on a book?
God:
That input matched my default category. 
Me:
 My input matches no category
God:
Do robots have  input matches no category?
Me:
 No, the penis is usually absent in robits
God:
Are you serious?  Tell me more.
Me:
 no im bored with you
God:
What would you rather talk about?  Why not call a friend?
Me:
 Har har
God:
Is that your final answer? 
Me:
 Har..
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?

And crash