Ever Worked In A Call Centre? Tell Your Funny Stories Here!

steo87

I used to work over the phone for a bank doing debt-collecting....the funniest response I got from a customer was a simple, but very effective, "fúck off". So what are your funny stories/responses?

Ste

abi2007

no thank god

DarkJager

The equal hatred I developed for every single customer to call me. Here's a newsflash: The customer isn't always right, in fact he's quite a ****ing wrong,deluded and arrogant little bastard most of the time. You haven't seen the full extent of retardation among the public until you've worked in a call centre, believe me.

Funny story though. I worked for a mobile operator once and some dickhead called me, screaming pure uncalled for abuse down the phone for about 3 minutes non stop. Once he calmed down, I offered to call around to his house (which was close by) and politely informed him that he could repeat the whole thing he had just said to my fist. Cue paniced calls to the supervisor and getting fired later that day. Felt damn good though

aoibhebree

Customer: I got my new SIM card in the post today, but my phone still isn't working

Me: Are you sure it's in the phone the right way round?

Customer: I'm meant to put it into the phone? How do I do that?

RATM

steo87 wrote: »

I used to work over the phone for a bank doing debt-collecting....the funniest response I got from a customer was a simple, but very effective, "fúck off". So what are your funny stories/responses?

Ste

Misleading thread title, I thought the OP had a funny story.

dr.bollocko

aoibhebree wrote: »

Customer: I got my new SIM card in the post today, but my phone still isn't working

Should have just said "No. It's not, You're right"
And then hung up.

Saruman

Been there and done that, best time of my life as it was Gateway Tech support and i got to play games all day and sometimes went a day without even getting a call. I was on the server/corporate market so it was pretty quiet and i dealt with IT admins mostly.

Anyway we had some characters like some ass of an ex Army General from the UK who had our number and should not have. He demanded to be called General whatever his name was. We had great fun calling him Mister whatever his name was before transferring him.

Oh one guy who worked with me was a big guy, ex boxer. He dared another guy to him him as hard as he could in the stomach (big stomach). Anyway the other guy took a few steps back and ran at him and the big guy bowled over in pain

We had another guy who did Freddie Mercury impressions and would jump up on the desk and pretend to sing. He got the facial expressions perfect!

We had a paperweight laptop i had some fun with. At first glance it looks real. I offered £50 (before €) to the ex boxer if he could take out the motherboard. Told him it was a new model. He spent an hour before he gave up.

I took the same paperweight when the manager was walking by and dropped it in front of her making sure she would see it. She was shocked and i just laughed at her, she had a sense of humor so i knew i would get away with it.

The one thing about the job was, everyone who was there will usually say that if Gateway ever came back that they would try get a job there again, even if they made less money as it was such a laugh.

steo87

RATM wrote: »

Misleading thread title, I thought the OP had a funny story.

Twas funny to me! Well there was one where a customer pretended that I told him to fúck off.....I was on the phone to him one day and he was using abusive language so I informed him that I'm hanging up due to this.....hung up and that was that.

Next day the boss calls me....the same customer sent in a FOUR page email ranting and moaning, saying that I told him to fúck off and that I disrespected him....and the best bit - that he "...felt degraded".

Boss didn't believe a word of it.

DarkJager

Saruman wrote: »

Been there and done that, best time of my life as it was Gateway Tech support and i got to play games all day and sometimes went a day without even getting a call. I was on the server/corporate market so it was pretty quiet and i dealt with IT admins mostly.

Anyway we had some characters like some ass of an ex Army General from the UK who had our number and should not have. He demanded to be called General whatever his name was. We had great fun calling him Mister whatever his name was before transferring him.

Oh one guy who worked with me was a big guy, ex boxer. He dared another guy to him him as hard as he could in the stomach (big stomach). Anyway the other guy took a few steps back and ran at him and the big guy bowled over in pain

We had another guy who did Freddie Mercury impressions and would jump up on the desk and pretend to sing. He got the facial expressions perfect!

We had a paperweight laptop i had some fun with. At first glance it looks real. I offered £50 (before €) to the ex boxer if he could take out the motherboard. Told him it was a new model. He spent an hour before he gave up.

I took the same paperweight when the manager was walking by and dropped it in front of her making sure she would see it. She was shocked and i just laughed at her, she had a sense of humor so i knew i would get away with it.

The one thing about the job was, everyone who was there will usually say that if Gateway ever came back that they would try get a job there again, even if they made less money as it was such a laugh.

Very true. Whatever can be said about the actual work in a call centre, the laugh and comraderie between the people working in it is very hard to match elsewhere.

Turd Ferguson

Me: Hello, welcome to ISP tech support

Idiot: I got my internet today and it's not working

Me: Ok, well how many lights are on the modem?

Idiot: All of them

Me: And whats on your computer screen?

Idiot: Computer? They never said I needed a computer when they sold me this. This is an outrage. I dont even know how to work computers. blah blah blah


It amazes me on a daily basis how stupid people can be.

Fiona4037

Once while working in customer care in Eircom i got a call from an old man looking for a number of a local garage, i explained we weren't directory enquires and told him to ring 11811 (eleven-eight-eleven)

Half an hour later i got another call from the same man giving out that i'd given him a wrong number - he'd no number eleven on his phone

Saruman

I love how it took him 30 mins to realise that too

General Zod

I once had to fix a network issue for a dutch guy called Dik Doktor.

Saruman

Oh again in Gateway, a friend of mine got a call from someone unable to access a website... not exactly our problem as it was just one website. Anyway he humoured him for a moment and asked what website? It was www.dickcity.com

Pretty sure it was a different website back then than what is there now.

bronte

Saruman wrote: »

Anyway we had some characters like some ass of an ex Army General from the UK who had our number and should not have. He demanded to be called General whatever his name was. We had great fun calling him Mister whatever his name was before transferring him.

:eek: I had a guy demand the exact same thing when I did Vodafone uk customer support. What a feckin eejit! Wonder if it was the same guy!!
He used to put his elderly mother on the phone whenever I asked him to hold. Asswipe.

tony1kenobi

I worked in a call centre....It was funnier than Police Academy 6.......but not as funny as Police Academy 1 or 2.

JustAddWater

I had a woman once who gave out to me because we sold her wireless broadband yet she needed a wire to plug the router in

"But I have to plug it in, and that's a wire, so it isn't really wireless then is it"

I gave up trying to explain what wireless internet meant after a few minutes

Blush_01

I worked in a directory enquiries call centre. Never had the funny stories from the office though. The nights out were good craic.

Prat Kenny

I'm forced to call some prat live on TV every Friday. Pain in the glutius maximus.

Washout

if a story today doesn't involve sleeping with Ur aunt it just isnt fnny

giggsy664

DarkJager wrote: »

The equal hatred I developed for every single customer to call me. Here's a newsflash: The customer isn't always right, in fact he's quite a ****ing wrong,deluded and arrogant little bastard most of the time. You haven't seen the full extent of retardation among the public until you've worked in a call centre, believe me.

Funny story though. I worked for a mobile operator once and some dickhead called me, screaming pure uncalled for abuse down the phone for about 3 minutes non stop. Once he calmed down, I offered to call around to his house (which was close by) and politely informed him that he could repeat the whole thing he had just said to my fist. Cue paniced calls to the supervisor and getting fired later that day. Felt damn good though

Look no futher than www.notalwaysright.com

source

Worked for a mobile company in their call centre there was this one guy who used to call in everyday. one day a member of staff, put a note on his account saying that he had called to apologise for not calling the previous day lol.

same guy and myself used to bring in psp's and play GTA over wireless on the quiet days.

oh and there was the one time that a person called to ask me if they could change the name on the account from victor to victoria.....that was an interesting call.

oh and the chinese guy who called me racist because his phone was cut off.....he hadn't paid his bill in 3 months.

there was no shortage of idiots either, like the woman who was calling joe duffy because she could only get 2 bars of coverage in her house which was down the arse end of nowhere in kerry behind a mountain. oh and i also had a woman who couldn't figure out that the sim was needed in the phone to make a call, the phone was on the table and she was ringing the number on "the paper with the card on it" but it wasn't ringing,

You always get nutters who call every day, usually several times. We had Hayden and some other English bloke who used to talk about football and any other random stuff.

I loved working in a call centre. I would have stayed if the money hadn't been so terrible. Great laugh.

Toots

While backpacking I worked for an Australian bank telemarketing accidental death insurance (yeah it was the best job ever :rolleyes:). Some of the customers were nice, but then lots were total assholes. There was an Irish guy working on my team, let's call him Aidan, and he was just cracked, I don't think I saw him in sober the entire time I worked there.

So one day he'd obviously called someone who was having a serious off day, cos this customer was just ripping him out of it on the phone. It was quiet in the office, so he put it on speaker for the rest of us to hear this loon screaming about how he'd fought on the beaches in Gallipoli so he'd have the freedom not to get calls from telemarketers Anyhoo, he started demanding that Aidan give him a number to phone back. None of us knew what the number for the office was, as it was an outbound call centre, but worry not, Aidan picks up a copy of British Balls (backpacker magazine for those who don't know), and scans through to the escort adverts in the back. Called out one of the numbers for a 'massage parlour' to the customer, and then gave him a backup number (to a gay escort agency) to call in case he couldn't get through on that one.

We were all in convulsions with laughter, definitely the funniest thing that happened while I was there. Unfortunately for Aidan, he only lasted another two hours in the office before he got the sack.

lostexpectation

directories equiries has an up to date list of busines phone numbers

hahahahahhahahaha

silverharp

I worked for a motgage company years ago, so I could read the comments from the call centre on the accounts. The funniest I remember was a lady who was a fortune teller by profession who was in arrears, the agent had written " she hopes things will improve in the future , well she should know!"

Fratton Fred

Fiona4037 wrote: »

Once while working in customer care in Eircom i got a call from an old man looking for a number of a local garage, i explained we weren't directory enquires and told him to ring 11811 (eleven-eight-eleven)

No such thing.

There is a number at eircom that you can ring and have some halfwit give you a load of completely useless bull**** about how it will take 6-8 weeks to get your broadband installed though.

Berty

Oh I have soo many but some are very gruesome indeed. I used to action all death claims for an insurance company because the girls were too girlie to deal with death. 7 year olds dying of heartattacks, cancer etc. Very nasty.

Anyway. Had this woman call up the Insurance company telling me they caught the big fish, weighed it and now want to claim the prize. I said she must have the wrong number because this is an Insurance company and we dont give prizes for catching big fish. at this stage all the people around me started staring at me because its not the normal conversation you expect to hear your colleague having. She told me I was wrong and trying to con her out of the prize for the fish. I asked her to call back the number she was given. She started shouting at her husband to get fishermans weekly or some **** from the coffee table and called back MY direct line number from the magazine. That was an odd couple of weeks for me. BTW, some people caught really big fish.

I had a woman call to claim she wanted a refund on her credit card insurance because the item she bought was damaged. It was a debs dress for her daughter. I asked had it been worn, she said no so we asked her to post us the dress. When we got the dress it smelled of smoke and had a grass stain on the back of it. I called her and asked about what stain she reffered to. She said it was the grass stain. I said I would post back the item and possibly she should ask her daughter where the stain came from. We never heard from her again.

Some woman was trying to claim insurance for her husbands death and long story short had to post us hers husbands medical records which included the original birth certificates of her dead twins whom died at 3 weeks old. Everything was in order, we paid her claim and posted back her medical records to her GP. Oh no wait, bozo in the post room lost her medical records. We were sued for losing the only pieces of paper that proved the existence of her dead twins for the short existence on this world. Bloody post room monkeys :mad:

This is not funny but will never leave my memory. I had a heated discussion with a claimant telling him I would not pay for his sicnkess claim because he was claiming depression and his policy does not cover stress, depression or any phsyconeurotic condition. Two weeks later I was handed a death claim. He hanged himself. The coroners report said "Im sorry, ask Mr XX XXX in the insurance company." My fcking name !!!!

alexandros

Me: Thank you for calling Earthlink Technical Support; my name is Alexander, can I get your main e-mail address for the account in question please?

Idiot: No! This isn't about my internet.. my internet is fine. I need help with my computer.

Me: Alright sir; can I get your account e-mail for record keeping purposes?

Idiot: NO! HOW IS THAT IMPORTANT.. MY INTERNET IS FINE.

Me: Ok.. I understand. What seems to be the problem with your computer?

Idiot: I got a new Apple computer.. one of these box looking things.
I hooked it up and got it working ok.. I started to install some software and I can't get the CD out.

Me: What do you mean sir? The CD won't eject?

Idiot: THERE IS NO BUTTON.. TO TAKE OUT THE CD.. THE FUKCING HOLE FOR THE CD IN ON THE TOP OF THE BOX.. THERE IS NO BUTTON TO GET IT TO COME OUT. I TURNED THE DAMN THING UPSIDEDOWN AND SHOOK IT AS HARD AS I COULD.. NOTHING.. I TOOK A COAT HANGER AND TRYED TO FISH IT OUT BUT IT W O N T C O M E O U T.

Me: Alright sir, I think I understand; to eject the CD you just drag the icon of the CD that is on your desktop into the trash bin and the CD will eject.

Idiot: WHAT?!?

Me: (repeats everything slower. louder and dumber)

Idiot: THAT IS SO STUPID

Me: Did it work sir? Were you able to retrieve your CD?

Idiot: No. I have to turn my computer back on first.

Me: Alright sir.

Idiot: Hold on I have to put the phone down to get to the outlet under the desk.

Me: That is fine; I will wait.

Idiot: Stupid thing does not have a power button.

Me: Excuse me?

Idiot: THERE IS NO POWER BUTTON ON THIS DAMN THING. I HAVE TO UNPLUG IT FROM THE WALL EVERYTIME I WANT TO TURN IT OFF.

Me: The power button is on the keyboard sir.

(pause)

Idiot: (I assume he looks at the keyboard) FUKCING STUPID SHI** ****** *****...... I'M SENDING THIS FUKCING THING BACK. (hangs up)

Me (to myself): WOW! Apple computers are so easy to use that it’s actually confusing.


Three moths later the call center was shut down and a couple of thousand employees were laid off because all Customer Service and Technical Support functions were outsourced to India.

Sleipnir

Berty wrote: »

This is not funny but will never leave my memory. I had a heated discussion with a claimant telling him I would not pay for his sicnkess claim because he was claiming depression and his policy does not cover stress, depression or any phsyconeurotic condition. Two weeks later I was handed a death claim. He hanged himself. The coroners report said "Im sorry, ask Mr XX XXX in the insurance company." My fcking name !!!!

Bloody 'ell.

the_syco

Saruman wrote: »

Been there and done that, best time of my life as it was Gateway Tech support and i got to play games all day and sometimes went a day without even getting a call. I was on the server/corporate market so it was pretty quiet and i dealt with IT admins mostly.

Some things don't change :cool: Was on the home user market back in 2007: was great fun.

The customer is never right. And in most cases, the customer was ringing me cos they f**ked up and needed my help. That, or they dropped their laptop, and it cracked.

Funnist story: some loon broke their power adapter. Cool, says I, post it in, and we'll send out a new one. Do I need a box, they ask? No, I say, it's only the power adapter that is broken, so put the power adapter into a plastic bag, and mail it in. The loon posted their laptop (minus a power adapter) to us, in a plastic bag. It was smashed to bits. The loon could't figure it out, as it wasn't dmaged before he gave it to the couier (who was driving a van)... :rolleyes::D

Blitzkrieger

alexander.t wrote: »

Me (to myself): WOW! Apple computers are so easy to use that it’s actually confusing.

Every (may be an exageration) other computer in the world works in a different, normal way but the problem isn't with macs? That's what pisses me off about macs - if Apple made a car and you could have only one type of engine, chassis, stereo and totally ****ed up controls like a clutch that's operated by hand and an accelerator in the middle............ loads of ****ing idiots would buy it because it's not made by GM.....

Turd Ferguson

alexander.t wrote: »

Three moths later the call center was shut down and a couple of thousand employees were laid off because all Customer Service and Technical Support functions were outsourced to India.

Lol

Valmont

DarkJager wrote: »

You haven't seen the full extent of retardation among the public until you've worked in a call centre, believe me.

Retardation of the public? Maybe if you work in a shop but you actually call these people up when they don't want to talk to you. You're almost as bad as a chugger. You are one of those people who calls my house at 11 am when I'm trying to have a lie on! Curse you and your kind!

thefinalstage

Valmont wrote: »

Retardation of the public? Maybe if you work in a shop but you actually call these people up when they don't want to talk to you. You're almost as bad as a chugger. You are one of those people who calls my house at 11 am when I'm trying to have a lie on! Curse you and your kind!

At some point they have to call you. 11am is a good time for most as any normal working person is out of the house.

tannytantans

Worked in a call centre for a telephone company.

One guys phoneline had been down for weeks and he was ringing everyday giving us abuse. Anyway one day we passed him onto the manager

Him: Joe Duffy will be keen to hear about this
Manager: Really?Didn't know he was an electrician too


Also had a psychotic priest who used to call us up and threaten us - telling us he's like to put his hands around our throats and squeeze til we'd no more air in our lungs.....and then we'd rot in hell!When he called we'd a special script to deal with him and he had to be put through to a manager asap :eek:

Big_Mac

When working for an ISP, and a customer who demanded to cancel his contract without penalty

Me: Why would you like to cancel?

Moron: Because my children are looking at porn

Me: I see, and have you not purchased some form of software to safeguard against this?

Moron: No

Me: Ok, why not, can I ask?

Moron: Because you didn't supply it to me

Me: I see, you do realise that we are not contracted to supply you with anything other than a working broadband service?

Moron: Yes you are, you are supposed to supply me with this stuff to prevent my children looking at this stuff.

Me: eh, no sir, we are not responsible for watching over your children, and their internet usage

Moron: Yes you are

Me: No we're not, please read the contract again

Moron: You are in breach of contract

Me: No, we're not

Moron: yes you are

Blah blah blah blah story goes on that way

Customer: Why is my phone not working?

Me: Because you have exceeded your credit limit

Customer: How?

Me: It appears to be a large number of calls to adult entertainment services.

Customer: (to son) Did you make these calls? (Son laughs and say yes)

Customer: How much is it?

Me: somewhere in the region of £850 + VAT.

Customer: Silence..........................

Me: Are you still there?

Customer: Umm yes. Can I make a payment arrangment?

Me: Certainly

Customer: Please ensure that this bill is not sent out, as if my husband sees it, he will kill the son

Me: Certainly Madam, have a nice day

Tellox

One thing I've realised from all the horror stories of callcenters is that normally, they're very funny to read. And you would assume in going into the job that you would get a good laugh off everyone you deal with.

This could not be further from the truth. The unfortunate and very harsh reality is that when you're dealing with 40-50 idiots on a daily basis, the only purpose it serves is to enrage you.

The latest I've had is a chap who rang through having problems setting up his router - the first thing I asked him to do was move somewhere quieter, as his 3-4 kids were running around screaming and generally being little shíts while I was trying to hear him tell me abou his router woes. His response was "I cant, the PC's in here". Wheras most civil people would have their kids **** off onto the street to play in traffic, he continued on.

Then for extra fun time, he realised that it was his kids bedtime - and he couldnt read them their stories as he had to get his broadband set up. So he sits the kids up on his lap one by one, and has them read out error messages for me. Thus resulting in incomprehensible **** for me.

Lockstep

My brother was working for a bank, once he had to phone up some guy called Boris who wasn't paying back money he owned.

Brother: Hi, I'm *blank* calling from *bank*, can I seapk to Boris please?
Boris:uh...Boris is dead.

And so the fun went on, first Boris claimed Boris was dead, then Boris was out of the country, then Boris was badly injured and a vegetable and so on. It was all hilarious enough until someone called in the background asking "Boris, are you finished on the phone yet?"
Boris hung up.

krudler

I could write a book at this stage


Woman: Hi I'd like to register my phone

Me: Ok, what I'll need it the IMEI number, you can find it on the box the phone came in or on the phone itself by dialling *#06#, that may not work if you are calling on the phone right now though

Woman: oh ok I have the box upstairs though hang on I'll go get it, I have to put the phone down though as its plugged in to the wall

Me: No problem , thake your time (assuming phone is being charged up)
Woman comes back but has wrong number, I tell her what the number will look like, tells me needs to put phone down again

Me: If your phone is charged enough you can just bring it with you, it'll spare you running up and down the stairs

Woman: oh but if i plug it out will you get cut off?

Me: can you see the battery symbol on the phone? if it has a decent charge it'll be fine

Woman: No I mean how will the phone work if I unplug it

Me:.......its battery powered

Woman: Really?! I've had it plugged in here since I got it I didnt realise you could use it with no power going to it

Me: Thats why they're called mobile phones?

Woman: Ha god I'm so stupid, I thought it was like a house phone but smaller

Me: seriously?


Have also had a woman literally screaming at me about how crap Eircom are for 5 minutes, not allowing me to get a word in and kept telling me to shut up as she was talking, needless to say when I told her she wasnt talking to someone who worked for Eircom but another phone company, a mobile one at that she hung up in 2 seconds flat without saying a word:D


People are idiots when it comes to their phones...

BnA

tannytantans wrote: »

....One guys phoneline had been down for weeks and he was ringing everyday giving us abuse. Anyway one day we passed him onto the manager .....

Maybe, if you got the line fixed, he wouldn't have had to ring.

krudler

BnA wrote: »

Maybe, if you got the line fixed, he wouldn't have had to ring.

Could have been any reason why though, I had a guy threatening to sue us because a car crashed into a mast in a small town and knocked out the coverage for a few days, that was the companies fault apparently...

krudler

I'm sick to the back teeth of hearing the Joe Duffy threat as well "Expect to hear from Joe!" seems to be peoples last resort when they've done something stupid and expect us to reward this stupidity by giving them money off something or replacing their phone, case in point a farmer who had bought a new phone didnt have insurance, had phone a month, ran over it in his tractor, threatened me with Joe Duffy because we wouldnt give him a free phone, moron

dlofnep

I've had a few weird ones.

My first ever call solo, I got this manly sounding one the phone.

I opened the call - she gives her contact details (it's an african name so it not immediately discernable between being male or female) - and I reply "How may I help you sir?"

She replied (in a quite fierce voice might I add) - I'm a woman!

I was really nervous on the phone, and immediately replied without thinking "Sorry sir" - as I still pictured the person I was speaking to on the phone as a man. Needless to say, she went ape**** at me.

Theres always the typical, non-computer saavy people who don't know what internet explorer is, or when you ask them to double click on something they ask you "double left or right click?".

The worst kind is the know-it-alls. They call in, and when you ask them to do something - they get narky with you telling you how stupid you are and how it won't work.. and then when it does actually resolve their issue, they go dead-silent and then hang up.

Can't say I've had my fair share of "funny" calls, but I've had alot of frusterating ones. there's nothing worse than when you're being dead nice to someone on the phone, and they turn around and abuse the **** out of you. I've been called a fenian scumbag, terrorist paddy, mick, the usual.. Mostly from ignorant cockney ****. If someone gets that antsy with you though, it drives them ****ing insane if you be extremely nice to them in response.

Quint

This thread is more proof that people that ring up Joe Duffy are idiots.

source

I loved the three strike rule,

me: Sir i'm going to have to ask you to stop swearing at me, i can help you fix the issue but you will have to stop swearing at me.

customer says something derogatory and abusive

me: sir I must warn you i am recording this call, and if you keep being abusive to me i will terminate the call,

customer continues being abusive

me: * hit the release button, leave note on account outlining how abusive the customer was.

and smile when the customer gets back into the queue and winds up speaking to me again in a much calmer manner.

beertons

I used to love the hold/silent button. You'd have stopped talking to the person on the phone, but the rest of the room would hear you finish the sentence with.....you thick fúcker, how does someone with a hearing disability get a phone, etc....twas very funny. I nearly gave the CEO heart failure one day. I then told him the name of the customer, and that he wanted to speak to him. He gave me a wide berth for a month!

starflake

I was reading this thread while working and a fella hanging up says love you bye bye... presumably out of habit! Very funny.. bet he was mortified!

Professey Chin

starflake wrote: »

I was reading this thread while working and a fella hanging up says love you bye bye... presumably out of habit! Very funny.. bet he was mortified!

Maybe hes just really appreciative?

Spear

From my time doing directory enquiries many years ago.


Caller: There's 4 farmers living around here, I know the other 3 but not the fourth's number.

Me: Do you know the name?

Caller: No, but I've just run down and killed one of his sheep and it's his marking so I thought it best to tell him.

beertons

Getting back to that love you comment, ever been hit on by a customer that you took a payment for, solved a query, reconnected them, even ceased a line?