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If I was to try and shave my pubic playground...

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  • 13-02-2009 7:52pm
    #1
    Shmuck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 184 ✭✭


    ... how would I go about doing that?

    Having been given the pubic pass since the age of just 13 when the first sign of my male maine began to appear in my naughty region, I have been plagued with an overwhelming amount of bush based fallac frame. It's not the worst I've seen (note: I haven't seen that many) but it is almost sneaking into old Jewish man territory and with no hint of a bracket shaped conk or a overwhelming urge to hide my money I can't really place the blame on any doorstep apart from my unlucky genes.

    I'd say I have a average amount of hair overall on my body... a nice manly patch of burly bush on my chest, a neat if slightly soft ring of hair around each nipple and a modest but butch trail that starts from my chest and gathers in a large patch around my belly button. Overall I think any lady would be lucky as Larry to press up against my rugged forest of a chest but when it comes to my never regions it seems to then take a nose dive from a lush display of puberty to a naturistic female of 40 or over. It's thick and black like Mr. Bruno but not half as tidy around the ring... in fact my ring is almost non-existent unless you are willing to delve into a mass of tangled curly worms to find it.

    To be honest my arse is hairy but I can live with that as I'm not fond of anyone really venturing to that region of my body anyway... so as long as my lass doesn't start going for a mid-foreplay feel I should be fine... but I am concerned about the amount that adornes my cockle's crown, it's so thick that Osama could be hiding in there and I'd be none the wiser... it all mixes together so you couldn't really pick one individual hair from a lineup without it being mimicked by fifteen or so of it's friends clinging to it like a liferaft, then from the base of my tiny destroyer it sprouts off, erratically clinging to the sides of the shaft in hot weather and diving headfirst into my foreskin if I'm wearing a pair of tight pants.

    I'll admit my manhood isn't the standard stature of greatness... it barely reaches inchical average at the best of times, so I can't help feeling that all this extra floss on the old boss is seriously shrinking it's visual verticality on a first glance basis, I want woman to have to be close enough to smell the pre-cum before they realise my ruse and disappointment sets in, trust me I think my best chances of securing a shag are always higher if the woman can't be bothered to get back up off her knees.
    So with this in mind I'm hoping that shaving my baneful banshee will increase my sack success rate by more than 50% give or take a beer or two but here's the thing... how much is two much? Do I go full on and shave everything off leaving a follically free tackle or do I take off just enough so it's not obvious that I am a pubic pugilist... what do women think about men who shave their second beard... is it considered abit weird... or gay... or both. I'm hoping that with a clean carriage it will really show off the girth (if not the length) of my cock but I don't want to go to all the effort if it leaves me itchy and isolated because the lady has made a dash for the door as soon as my balded banger is unleashed before them.

    Another question I want to ask is how far should I shave up... if I go full buzz then do I have to rid myself of my belly bush as well... would it be weird to leave it? Having a spotless bollock region over scored by a mound of natural stomach fluff? Also what do I need to prepare to proceed with this venture into the world of undercarriage styling. I've got a beard trimmer that will go up to a number 7... but it get's hot after two minutes and I might stand a risk of burning my bollocks by accident... would scissors do the job... can I just perform a snip here and there and still be left with a false sense of length. Do I need shaving cream???

    My main question though is, is it worth it? Has anyone here actually gone through with the act of de-wigging the willy? I don't want to have to perch myself on the toilet with a shaver in one hand and my bellend in the other then catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror and bottle out of it... I want to be certain that it's for the best so I can proudly display my creation to any female who will be kind enough to stamp my card. I know it will grow back if it doesn't work out but I'm not one to put effort into something that doesn't guarantee first class results... I have standards.
    Tagged:


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Comments

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    #2
    mike65
    Closed Accounts Posts: 88,978 ✭✭✭✭mike65


    I read teh title as

    If I was to try and shave in a public playground...


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    #3
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    Anyone else want to give be a general synopsis?


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    #4
    Shmuck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 184 ✭✭Shmuck


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    Anyone else want to give be a general synopsis?

    should I shave my bollocks?


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    #5
    aidan_walsh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,208 ✭✭✭✭aidan_walsh


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    Anyone else want to give be a general synopsis?
    tl;dr.


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    #6
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    Shmuck wrote: »
    should I shave my bollocks?
    Shave them with what?


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    #7
    tribulus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,635 ✭✭✭tribulus


    The FlutterinBantam of cock and pubes.


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    #8
    Shmuck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 184 ✭✭Shmuck


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    Shave them with what?

    um a shaver :confused:


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    #9
    aoibhebree
    Closed Accounts Posts: 467 ✭✭aoibhebree


    Thanks for a hilarious read :D

    I think you should definitely go with trimming rather than shaving. Just with a nail scissors or whatever, once a month or so should do the job!


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    #10
    abi2007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 726 ✭✭✭abi2007


    NAIR.... works wonders:D


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    #11
    galwayrush
    Registered Users Posts: 12,815 ✭✭✭✭galwayrush


    Simply get so pissed at a party that you pass out , it'll be done for ya by the time you wake up.;)


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    #12
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    Shmuck wrote: »
    um a shaver :confused:
    Hmmm, I see, and is he willing to do it?


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    #13
    PCPhoto
    Registered Users Posts: 6,584 ✭✭✭PCPhoto


    my advice is that if you are not happy with it ... get a scissors out and thin the hair - you dont need to shave....but neatness is essential !!

    Think about it this way - if it was reversed would you dive head first (Pun intended) if your signifigant other was as hairy.

    Lets face it - if you go down on someone you dont want to be gagging on hairs ..... from reading the post you feel like you need less - so trim it.


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    #14
    abi2007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 726 ✭✭✭abi2007


    eyesbrows too.. not a good look.


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    #15
    phasers
    Registered Users Posts: 18,159 ✭✭✭✭phasers


    When you do it, use loads of hot wax and film it.


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    #16
    galwayrush
    Registered Users Posts: 12,815 ✭✭✭✭galwayrush


    I'll never forget my first grey pubic hair , the pain that woke me when my wife found it and promptly plucked it.:eek:


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    #17
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,309 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    tl;dr + possessive "its" does not take an apostrophe. It would be a shame for that to ruin your lovely piece of work up there.

    To answer, trimming would probably do.


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    #18
    Victor_M
    Registered Users Posts: 1,608 ✭✭✭Victor_M


    Can't offer any useful advice unfortunately, just after breaking my bollix laughing nearly drowned the keyboard in beer reading that! Thanks:pac:


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    #19
    qz
    Registered Users Posts: 8,753 ✭✭✭qz


    tl;dr
    razor all the way


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    #20
    Thrill
    Registered Users Posts: 5,485 ✭✭✭Thrill


    phasers wrote: »
    When you do it, use loads of hot wax and film it.

    Then put it on youtube.

    /or should that be youpube


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    #21
    Shmuck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 184 ✭✭Shmuck


    PCPhoto wrote: »
    my advice is that if you are not happy with it ... get a scissors out and thin the hair - you dont need to shave....but neatness is essential !!

    Think about it this way - if it was reversed would you dive head first (Pun intended) if your signifigant other was as hairy.

    Lets face it - if you go down on someone you dont want to be gagging on hairs ..... from reading the post you feel like you need less - so trim it.

    Well to be honest, I quite like a hairy minge on a lady. My reasons for thinking about this are mostly to give the illusion that I have a bigger willy.


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    #22
    abi2007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 726 ✭✭✭abi2007


    galwayrush wrote: »
    I'll never forget my first grey pubic hair , the pain that woke me when my wife found it and promptly plucked it.:eek:

    Gray pubic hair.. could be worse, mine are ginger and I haven't got ginger hair any where else..


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    #23
    The_Jabberwock
    Registered Users Posts: 46 ✭The_Jabberwock


    Your attempts at Zimmerage are made feeble by your lack of teh spellings.

    Trim the bush, it's the manly thing to do. Then, and only then, may your minor meat monolith rise from the gentle fuzz of disdain while retaining your masculinity.


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    #24
    TestTransmission
    Registered Users Posts: 19,106 ✭✭✭✭TestTransmission


    abi2007 wrote: »
    Gray pubic hair.. could be worse, mine are ginger and I haven't got ginger hair any where else..

    LOL,nice :eek:


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    #25
    abi2007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 726 ✭✭✭abi2007


    ha ha I know.. some guys get quite a shock!


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    #26
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    A lawnmower. But if you make it shorter, wouldn't it hurt the kids more when they fall?

    Oh wait.

    Pubic playground.

    Never mind.


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    #27
    SoWatchaWant
    Registered Users Posts: 1,213 ✭✭✭SoWatchaWant


    Just trim it bud. It's weird to take it all off.... Leave some there to let them know you're not a gay porn stud.


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    #28
    galwayrush
    Registered Users Posts: 12,815 ✭✭✭✭galwayrush


    abi2007 wrote: »
    ha ha I know.. some guys get quite a shock!
    You must be related to my wife.:)

    She's going to kill me if she sees this post.:D


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    #29
    Kiera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,130 ✭✭✭✭Kiera


    abi2007 wrote: »
    NAIR.... works wonders:D
    No no no. If you leave this on for too long it can take some skin away and by god it stings*

    *so i've been told....


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    #30
    ejmaztec
    Registered Users Posts: 23,991 ✭✭✭✭ejmaztec


    Mr Schmuck, try pubic topiary in the shape of a rooster. From a distance it will look like you have two cocks.


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    #31
    chamlis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,175 ✭✭✭chamlis


    Get one of them Philips BodyGroom trimmers in Boots.

    works too
    ¬_¬


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