How to fix The Recession

phasers

Put a big hoover in the Dáil and suck up all their money.

Obviously this wouldn't exactly be legal since the TDs wouldn't agree to it, so we'd get Batman to do it. He's on honest guy, he'd use the money to buy all the banks and sort them out. Then he'd commission a giant statue in his honour and construction jobs would be created.

No need to thank me folks.

Saibh

phasers wrote: »

Put a big hoover in the Dáil and suck up all their money.

Obviously this wouldn't exactly be legal since the TDs wouldn't agree to it, so we'd get Batman to do it. He's on honest guy, he'd use the money to buy all the banks and sort them out. Then he'd commission a giant statue in his honour and construction jobs would be created.

No need to thank me folks.

How not to fix a recession

galwayrush

It can't be fixed, we just gotta get away from it.;)

Four-Percent

I can see this plan working, if by money you mean breakfast rolls, and if by hoover you mean Mary Harney.

galwayrush

Four-Percent wrote: »

I can see this plan working, if by money you mean breakfast rolls, and if by hoover you mean Mary Harney.

You could hide a lot of money up her crack, :rolleyes:

Biggins

Stage one: Make becoming a politician a non-waged/perked volunteer occupation/vocation.
See how many of the money grabbing wasters will stick around then!

freire

Why not a 'destruction industry'? We could pay all the now jobless construction workers to dismantle the hundreds of thousands of houses we didn't need after all. Then with the burgeoning destruction industry in full flight, migrants would return and we'd need to build the houses again in order for them to live in while they dismantled the others, meet in the middle and start all over again. Flawless logic I think you'll agree.

deadhead13

Unfortunately, very few of those houses are paid for, which is a big part of the problem.

ejmaztec

freire wrote: »

Why not a 'destruction industry'? We could pay all the now jobless construction workers to dismantle the hundreds of thousands of houses we didn't need after all. Then with the burgeoning destruction industry in full flight, migrants would return and we'd need to build the houses again in order for them to live in while they dismantled the others, meet in the middle and start all over again. Flawless logic I think you'll agree.

Yep, we could do with a Legoland.

sdanseo

phasers wrote: »

Put a big hoover in the Dáil and suck up all their money the useless cnuts in there.

Fixed.

freire

deadhead13 wrote: »

Unfortunately, very few of those houses are paid for, which is a big part of the problem.

Curses.

galwayrush

Ignore it and it might go away, Bertie did that for 18 months.:rolleyes:
He probably doesn't think it's happened at all , perched in his ivory tower.:rolleyes:

ronnie3585

Kickboxing.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

We could start shutting the fcuk up about it... that would be a start. Talking about it doesn't seem to be working.

galwayrush

We could start writing Irish scam letters, seems to work ok for the Nigerians.:D
Hello friend, I am attorney for the late Irish Goverment official...................

Nolanger

Get rid of the 'nice people' with fantastic communication skills working in Dept Finance and hire some sh*t hot economists.
That's the reason we're in this mess.

sdanseo

Miranda Brave Ghost wrote: »

We could start shutting the fcuk up about it... that would be a start. Talking about it doesn't seem to be working.

You must have it in for boards.ie Ltd - if we did that, traffic in AH would drop by about 50% :rolleyes:

Tech3

spend, spend, spend and stop living the fear of the recession.

freire

tech2 wrote: »

spend, spend, spend and stop living the fear of the recession.

Dunno about others but about all I got to spend is time, hence posting inane comments on here.

IvySlayer

Nolanger wrote: »

Get rid of the 'nice people' with fantastic communication skills working in Dept Finance and hire some sh*t hot economists.
That's the reason we're in this mess.

Bertie Ahern? Brian Cowen? Brian Lenihan?

A Stutterer, 2 fat lads and 3 idiots, excellent communications skills there.

iPlop

Lads the construction industry will be booming soon with all them new dole offices bieng built --economy fixed:D

sdanseo

Septic Leper wrote: »

Lads the construction industry will be booming soon with all them new dole offices bieng built --economy fixed:D

We should do what Obama plans to do - build new roads and railways and generally improve our infrastructure, whilst employing people rather than having them be on the dole. Then when the economy does bounce back, eventually, we have a first-class public transport system waiting for it.

The only problem is funding it, but that can be put on the long finger in times of crisis, or substituted from less important things. That or let private companies operate the things, as has been done very successfully with the LUAS.

monkeyfudge

But Batman is already a billionaire....

eVeNtInE

This post has been deleted.

SV

You fix it by spending money you don't have.

Simple right?

Hande hoche!

ClioV6 wrote: »

You fix it by spending money you don't have.

Simple right?

Didn't work out the best for zimbabwe.
Personally I think a showtrial is in order.

SV

but I want one trillion euros

Hande hoche!

A one trillion euro note would be rather cool. I endorse your sound economic policies as does Eddie Hobbs who is tied up in my cellar.

friendface

phasers wrote: »

Put a big hoover in the Dáil and suck up all their money.

Obviously this wouldn't exactly be legal since the TDs wouldn't agree to it, so we'd get Batman to do it. He's on honest guy, he'd use the money to buy all the banks and sort them out. Then he'd commission a giant statue in his honour and construction jobs would be created.

No need to thank me folks.

Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

phasers

phasers wrote: »

Put a big hoover in the Dáil and suck up all their money.

Obviously this wouldn't exactly be legal since the TDs wouldn't agree to it, so we'd get Batman to do it. He's on honest guy, he'd use the money to buy all the banks and sort them out. Then he'd commission a giant statue in his honour and construction jobs would be created.

No need to thank me folks.

If it was 2006, it could have been done wih a roundhouse kick.:(

Ruu_Old

Print more euros! \o/

friendface

I'm in favour of investing in infrastructure. How many construction workers have we got on the dole? Could have them building for our future rather than creating a burden on our finances. Anyway, we're still way behind europe when it comes to the standard of our transport system. So any improvements will boost our economy and help attract investors.

Aodan83

Deleted User wrote: »

If it was 2006, it could have been done wih a roundhouse kick.:(

We could always just elect Chuck Norris next time round. It'll all be ok if chuck is in charge!!

Lumen

Ireland is small.

For context, Exxon Mobil has a market capitalisation of about $400bn, which is about ten times the size of the government budget.

So auction off the entire State. Not just govt and the public sector. Ireland as a whole. Position it as a vanity purchase for some middle eastern sovereign wealth fund. Maybe rebrand it "Abu Eire" or something.

There is still loads of money in the world, it's just not here.

/stupid idea

Shiny

Censor all media who are scaring the **** out of everyone causing them
to stop spending.

freire

Shiny wrote: »

Censor all media who are scaring the **** out of everyone causing them
to stop spending.

Back again to 'spend what?' - a large part of the problem is that people were spending money they didn't have in the first place. Now you want them to spend money that they know they don't have?

Setun

phasers wrote: »

Put a big hoover in the Dáil and suck up all their money.

Obviously this wouldn't exactly be legal since the TDs wouldn't agree to it, so we'd get Batman to do it. He's on honest guy, he'd use the money to buy all the banks and sort them out. Then he'd commission a giant statue in his honour and construction jobs would be created.

No need to thank me folks.

Has anyone tried turning the economy off and back on again?

Biggins

Daddio wrote: »

Has anyone tried turning the economy off and back on again?

Do we get to "boot" the crap in the Dail too? I'm all for it.

Setun

Yeah, and maybe give it a bit of a kick, that might work.

Sofiztikated

Daddio wrote: »

Has anyone tried turning the economy off and back on again?

Funniest post of the day. End of.

But, we can't have our Gov't building for the future, thats someone elses job.

Cue Homer Simpson music "Can't someone else do it?"

Shiny

freire wrote: »

Back again to 'spend what?' - a large part of the problem is that people were spending money they didn't have in the first place. Now you want them to spend money that they know they don't have?

What about those who are currently employed?

They have money(once the bills have been paid), but they aren't spending it.

spadder

With the sterling work done by FAS in establishing trade links with NASA, where are all our trained rocket scientists and astronauts?

We need to get this people back to Ireland to foster our space race program.

I propose that by the end of the decade, Ireland should have an Irish pub on Mars. Next send up FF councillors to man the pub, you will have every developer from the solar system with brown envelopes trying to colonize the planet.
This will lead to very big contracts for all FF's buddies and get everyone back to work.

galwayrush

spadder wrote: »

With the sterling work done by FAS in establishing trade links with NASA, where are all our trained rocket scientists and astronauts?

We need to get this people back to Ireland to foster our space race program.

I propose that by the end of the decade, Ireland should have an Irish pub on Mars. Next send up FF councillors to man the pub, you will have every developer from the solar system with brown envelopes trying to colonize the planet.
This will lead to very big contracts for all FF's buddies and get everyone back to work.

There's a major cost factor involved if FF are in power regarding the space race, the Luas scheme had approx the same budget as the mars explorer, the mars explorer came in on budget and on time, the Luas was extremely late, vastly over budget and didn't even link up. I would be fearful what would happen to our space exploration bid.

galwayrush

Regarding our space bid, i'm claiming the managers job, ok, i have zero experience and even less ability to make it work in any way, and am guarenteed to give way overestimated sub contracts to my friends. When the public finally finds out i ****ed it up, i'll retire with a 300,000 euro golden handshake and a 75,000 euro pension, just like all the other useless cnts running this country.

Biggins

Stuff the EU and their farcical rules.

Bring back "Guaranteed Irish" stickers on products!

Dord

Daddio wrote: »

Has anyone tried turning the economy off and back on again?

Hmm.... I think we should install Linux. It'll take a while to get it working properly and it may not be compatible with some parts. But think of it like this, in the end it's free and will use up a lot less resources. :pac:

Setun

Dord wrote: »

Hmm.... I think we should install Linux. It'll take a while to get it working properly and it may not be compatible with some parts. But think of it like this, in the end it's free and will use up a lot less resources. :pac:

Even the MS-DOS days of Haughey seem like a best case scenario at the moment.

Blush_01

A few empty egg cartons and some sticky back plastic should work wonders.

andrewdeerpark

Shiny wrote: »

Censor all media who are scaring the **** out of everyone causing them
to stop spending.

That's what Vladimir Putin does, we live in a democracy and I would like to keep it that way, regardless of our economic status.

m83

Daddio wrote: »

Has anyone tried turning the economy off and back on again?

Post of the recession!

Dord

Blush_01 wrote: »

A few empty egg cartons and some sticky back plastic should work wonders.

Maybe we could get MacGyver to help!