Hate myself physically.. Mainly my height..

LegacyUser

First of all let me say that I am in a pretty frustrated state right now so it's a struggle to stay calm and type.

I'm a guy, 19 yrs old. I just can't believe how unlucky I have been physically.. Pretty much everything about me is less than ideal... NOT ONE thing about my body is perfect... And most people have at least one good thing (a balance). For example maybe a man is not too good looking but is tall (ideal height) and strong which could make up for it.. Same applies for being short with good looks. Or maybe even other less significant aspects, that can still make up for things..

As for me.. I have NOTHING. Yes that's right NOTHING. Not one good physical aspect about myself what so ever.

I'm not good looking (I would say quite odd looking)
I have a big roundish head
I'm horribly short sighted, forced to wear contacts
I have a round type nose and small mouth
I'm average build/weight, weak and seem to lack a natural ability to gain muscle at a normal rate (Although not important as that can be changed)
I'm definitely not tall (which I only recently noticed about myself) being merely 5'9 and a half'' barefoot.. This is now by far the most depressing part about myself..

I should not be this short. My mother is 5'4 and my father is a tall 6'1''... My typical bad luck..

Not only am I short (maybe not short but clearly below the majority), due to my size I have small girlish hands.. thus taking more away from any ounce of manliness I might have making myself even less attractive..

And of course size dictates physical strength and ability to defend oneself as well, making me clearly weaker and inferior to 80% of men I encounter or have to compete with.

I NEEDED height. One thing I could have had to be proud of. As well as giving me a much needed advantage in attracting women, I would feel more able as a man to stand up for myself or others. Just in general feel like a man.. And now that's gone too...

I have nothing. It's scary to say it but I guess this could just be natural selection hmm? Only the strong and naturally blessed humans survive.. And the likes of me are supposed to just die off..

And yes I know what your thinking now and your correct. I am thinking about suicide. Always have. Sometimes I really want to just do it.. but I'm too scared. I have a fear of death and the blackness (or worse) it might bring.. I'm a coward as well. Not surprising.

Thought it would be worth posting this here. I don't go around telling people all this obviously. Just had to get it out. Maybe some feedback might be of benefit or at least give me something to think about..

Thanks for reading.

Monkey61

Okay for a start, your problem isn't your height! 5'9 is grand. I know plenty of guys who are shorter than that and you wouldn't ever think any of them were unusually short because it's all how you carry yourself.

Loads of celebrated ladies men are your height or shorter - Johnny Depp, Robert Downey Jr, Ewan McGregor, Huey from the FLC, Al Pacino, Javier Bardem, Gael Garcia Bernal etc etc.

Anyway, it's your self esteem that's the problem here, not your looks. If you're depressed about this then you have to do something about it. Let's say for arguments sake that your not the best looking guy in the world - what are you going to do about it? For a start you can eat well, work out, make sure you are well groomed, decent hair cut and clothes etc. While you are doing that you can read widely, watch films, learn to play a musical instrument, take up tae kwon do and go cart racing and develop some interesting hobbies so that you have loads to talk about. All of these things will help build your confidence.

In the meantime, while you are becoming a dazzling and well rounded manly individual, you can consider going to your doctor and asking for some professional help. It's a big step, but some counselling might be a great way to help work on your self esteem if you find it difficult to give yourself the push that you need.

Karen_*

The average height for men in the USA is 5'9.2 so you're not short but of average height. Men stop growing as late as 25 so you could still gain an inch or two. I can't possibly comment on the rest of your appearance as I haven't seen what you look like but I'm fairly sure your image of your is due to your self esteem being so low and you feeling so down.

If you're feeling suicidal then go see a GP or call the samaritans. But please talk to someone about it. Loads and loads of people feel like this at some stage so there's no shame at all in it OP. But suicide is not the answer. You have your whole life in front of you and things will get better. You are intelligent, thats apparent from your post so there's at least one thing going for you and I bet there's a whole lot more.

LegacyUser

You're not a coward.
You just don't like yourself at all.

Know what? Nobody else can love you unless you love you too. So learn to start thinking about the positive things about yourself. You need some self-confidence and you can gain that in various ways.
What interests you? Film, books, travel, music, sport? There are so many new things you can learn and gain satisfaction and self-confidence from.

Here's a fact - nobody is perfect.

I'm a 27 year old woman, I've bad eyesight, had to wear braces for years and my teeth are still a bit wonky, have battled with a skin condition since I was 8 and I found some grey hairs last week!
I think I'm only gorgeous and so does my boyfriend.

Negativity breeds negativity. Stop focussing on what's 'wrong' and think about what's 'right' with yourself.

axel rose

I have to agree with everyone here and say that 5'9 is not short for a guy. I have never met anyone who was happy with how they looked. (ok I met some pains in the arses that loved themselves but nobody else did).

When I was a teenager I contracted a virus that meant that my face (and body) got scarred, to the point that some of my face is numb due to minor nerve damage. However people dont seem to notice. I mean yes they see it initially but once they know me they dont see it. It doesnt define who I am. My scarring happened at an age where it would either make me or finish me-I decided that I could only control how I reacted to my new face, the scars were there to stay!

Please get help for your depression because I think that it is affecting how you are feeling about yourself. From how you describe yourself you are more than normal, but your self-esteem is the issue not your phsyical body.

(btw if I went missing my description would be along the lines of 'a short stout woman with facial scars has gone missing........ ') Its not good but I have the most sparkling personality .

the_syco

Unreg09 wrote: »

I'm not good looking (I would say quite odd looking)
I have a big roundish head
I'm horribly short sighted, forced to wear contacts
I have a round type nose and small mouth
I'm average build/weight, weak and seem to lack a natural ability to gain muscle at a normal rate (Although not important as that can be changed)
I'm definitely not tall (which I only recently noticed about myself) being merely 5'9 and a half'' barefoot.. This is now by far the most depressing part about myself..

Firstly, if I'm drunk, I will hit my head off at least one door, due to being 6 foot 6, so height isn't all good. Wearing a cap in sight of a door is also a bad idea, as I may not see the top of the door, sue to the cap, and wham, hit my head

Also, ya bas*ard:pac:, ya can wear contacts! Can't wear them myself, as my eyelids are fairly tight, so they don't stay in. Would love to be able to wear them. As for the muscle thing, what weight are you lifting, how often, etc, etc. Join the forum, pop over to http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=252 and ask on how to build visable muscle. I know a few people, who are fit and strong, but not hugely "muscular".

LegacyUser

Firstly, I think you're brave to have taken the positive step of seeking some sort of support from others through posting on this forum. Even doing that shows that you haven't lost all hope and that you have some belief in and hope for yourself. I agree with Monkey; the problem isn't your height, nor your head, nor your small hands. The problem I think is that overall you're suffering from depression, and whilst your unease with your physical appearance may be contributing to your overall mood, I'd say it's not the only cause.

By the sounds of it, you need immediate help and perhaps professional is probably the best way to go at this stage. When people are depressed, they do not see things rationally and problems become magnified and sometimes we can focus in on one of our concerns, which in your case may be your physical appearance.

Physical appearance is but one facet of a person. Yeah, it can help us out in life in many ways, but a person who is only average or less in what terms of what people might term classically 'good-looking' yet is kind, and has some sort of charisma or wit is far more impressive than a very physically stunning person who is only bland in personality. Work on how you are as a person and how YOU feel inside. Also, it might be worth saying that in young adult life, physical attractivenes is probably given more thought and sway than when we grow older so this is probably the hardest stage and if you can get through these few years and become someone you like yourself you will be doing great. Remember you are brave to have taken even this step and small steps lead to brighter things.

LegacyUser

OP I can't believe you have an issue with your height when you are of average height.

My flatmate is exactly the same height, and he has tiny hands - his friends slag him about it (not in a way that it upsets him) as his hands are definitely average size for a man. Do you know how this handicaps him ? - It doesnt - I know he'd like bigger hands but it isn't an issue for him at all - it doesn't prevent him from doing anything.

He is naturally thin built and he works out and goes to the gym. Although he is way stronger than me (I'm a 5'2" tiny female), he is obviously naturally stronger because he's a guy, but also because he trains for a team, and works out as well doing weights and stuff to build up muscle.

He has a round head and round type nose and mouth.

His eyesight is fine - so that seems to be the only physical difference between him and you, that you mentioned.

This guy is a totally normal, well-balanced guy. He could score whenever he wanted, but he's not big into one-night stands, so doesn't. He has loads of friends.

The reason I'm describing him to you is because your post reminded me of him, and I think he is very attractive and I have never met anyone who thought his looks were an issue.

Finally at 19, you still have some filling out to do, I read recently that men don't reach their peak physical condition/strength until about 30 - maybe you have noticed that yourself in some famous sportsmen. You still could potentially grow - but, if you don't . . . you sound just fine!!!

As you seem to be depressed, I wonder if there is another reason (e.g. you are not happy with other aspects of your life) why you feel so hard-done by in the looks department.

(going unreg as was talking about specifics of a specific person)

LegacyUser

I'd usually class myself as compassionate but... Get over yourself.

I'm 5' 8", 66kg and have tiny, tiny hand (wrist circumference of 16cm). I'm also half Asian so am of very very slight build. I'm horribly short sighted and wear glasses a lot of the time. I of course felt unable to compete with other guys on a physical level- so I took up MMA (see associated forum) and did a bit of kick-boxing. Due to my genetic heritage I just don't bulk out like a caucasian/black guy.. but so what! I can handle myself, what I do have is muscle and I'm shape. I think what you need is to understand that you play the hand in life you are dealt- be pro-active and go build muscle/take up a competitive sport/gain confidence in yourself.

If you are still hung up on the physical aspects of yourself- there are plenty of other platforms to compete with guys in which physical prowress has no importance. Take your Education and career; these are two platforms where you can even the playing field.

"Only the strong and naturally blessed humans survive"- Load of rubbish, for the past few hundred years your success in society (in the developed world) has been primarily based upon your intelligence.. The number of people in the World's Rich List who got there based upon physical attributes is neglible compared to those who got there through innovation and intelligence.

As I said before- you play the hand you are dealt in life and I think you are suffering from self-esteem issues more so than anything else.

gerryk

With all due respect, get over yourself. There's much more to life than physical appearance. You need to work on your self esteem and stop over analysing things.
If I'm to be honest, I'm far from perfect (at least what we're told is perfection) but you know something, I don't care... maybe I have high self esteem, or maybe I'm too apathetic to care, but the result is the same... I'm happy with my lot.
As for muscle mass determining your standing against your fellow man... newsflash... we no longer have to compete physically for survival. The hunter/gatherer days are well behind us. Any perceived competition for physical prowess is a result of marketing not reality.

Can you do me (and yourself) a favour and reply to this thread. In particular, can you post 3 things you like about yourself.

Karen_*

Unregistered wrote: »

I'd usually class myself as compassionate but... Get over yourself.
.

I think you'd be mistaken then to class yourself as compassionate. Get over yourself is not a compassionate response to someone with very low self esteem and who's having dark thoughts like suicide. We're all entitled to be self aware and to have our gripes and weaknesses

Sam Vimes

Unreg09 wrote: »

I'm definitely not tall (which I only recently noticed about myself) being merely 5'9 and a half'' barefoot.. This is now by far the most depressing part about myself..

you're average height:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_height

i'm 5'8 and it has never afffected anything in my life. no one has ever given me any indication that i might be in any way short.

when i opened this thread i expected you to have some kind of growth abnormality like dwarfism or something but 5'9.5? there's nothing wrong with your height

COH

Unreg09 wrote: »

And of course size dictates physical strength and ability to defend oneself as well, making me clearly weaker and inferior to 80% of men I encounter or have to compete with...

I would feel more able as a man to stand up for myself or others. Just in general feel like a man...

I have nothing. It's scary to say it but I guess this could just be natural selection hmm? Only the strong and naturally blessed humans survive.. And the likes of me are supposed to just die off..

Barring some sort of post-apocoloyptic mad max scenario I think you'll be just fine. Feeling like 'a man' has nothing to do with physical attributes, luckily you don't have to hunt for your food, chop down trees for shelter and defend 'your woman' against foreign invaders intent on rape and pillage and its unlikely you'll run into any wild bears in the near future.

While you have issues with your appearance, most people do too. You don't have any physical or mental disabilities, you don't have cancer, morbid obesity, terminal illnesses etc. so it could be worse, ALOT worse. Get yourself into a gym, socialise more. Everyone is good looking to someone somewhere, work on your self confidence and you'll meet plenty of people. And being afraid of death doesn't make you a coward, it makes you normal.

Gone Drinking

Would you feel better if you were in a wheelchair? Or lost your sight, or arms or something? Because there are people out there enjoying life with greater disadvantages than a round nose, a round head and being above average in height.

Looks aren't everything. Be happy you have your health.

Loomis

I'm just over 5'9" and it's easily the attribute that bothers me most. I feel like I'm very slight too but people tell me I'm not. Even when people tell me it's not short, and as people here quote apparently it's average height, I don't believe them. You feel how you feel and someone saying "don't feel bad" won't help it much unless you find a way of dealing with it rather than trying to use a statistic to dismiss it.
Although my height bothers me I wouldn't let it get me overly down. My father is a bit taller than me and is very broad shouldered. Looking back on pictures of him when he was the age I am now, 24, (scarily he had a house and three kids :eek: ) he was quite slight, probably the same as I am now or even slighter. He filled out in his late twenties and even early thirties so much so that it's usually the first thing friends mention to me when they meet him. Because he's so broad people always get the impression he's far taller than he is also. Over the past year I noticed I have gotten a tad broader which is a nice feeling and makes me think I might fill out a bit more. It's not really noticeable but is enough for me to feel a little better within myself.
Things would get to me more if someone was pointing it out. Unless someone is doing that to you you should try to overcome it by focusing on other things about yourself. You say you don't like anything about yourself but there must be something. You don't have to think "we'll isn't that the most perfect arse you've ever seen?" but maybe just think "well it's not so bad". You have a warped image of yourself but trying to see past it will give you a bit of confidence to the point where "not so bad" will turn into "ye, it's quite alright actually". If you're still struggling to do something like this try to think positively in the chance that you may still grow and in the more likely event that you will fill out. Our bodies constantly change, looking back on a college ID when I was 17 my face is quite different to how it is now, so you won't always be the exact shape and size you are now and you won't always be as unhappy.

LegacyUser

I really don't mean to hijack but I wanted to post something similar and thought I might make the OP realize that he actually is being hard on himself.

In my case, I'm too tall, overweight (I've tried everything to lose it also have stretch marks on my belly as a result), knock-kneed among other bio-mechanical problems, balded in my teens, horribly short-sighted my whole life, bad posture, far less than handsome, hairy as a gorilla, not well endowed, bad skin and really, they're just the headlines and any one in isolation might knock someones confidence but I have them all at once. I could work night and day and still be repulsive. On top of that, I've seen handsome men with similar shy/ sensitive personalities struggling to find women but add my problems and I'm sure it's no surprise that I've had virtually no female contact in my life. Any time a girl has looked even showed the slightest interest, I've often thought 'what would you think if you saw me naked?'.

At times, mainly when I was around the OPs age, I've been depressed/ bordering suicidal but now being in my mid-twenties really I just feel frustrated by my bad luck. I hold myself in high standing- I'm a good person with a good career and I have a lot going for me but my body is a total write off and my biggest hindrance by a long long way.

In the cold light of day, I have bad genes. I've thought about meeting someone and having children and it sends shivers down my spine to put a child though the bullying and heartache that I went through because of my appearance. Ain't that a b*tch? Growing up, I just wanted to be anonymous I think a lot about meeting someone who already has kids or maybe adopting. I think my genes have gone far enough.

Yes, this is also a bit of a rant but I hoped to show you that there's ugly and then there's ugly and we are unanimous here. Being depressed and suicidal over your appearance in your case is definitely topsy turvy. You appear to be suffering depression and have latched onto your appearance as a means of torturing yourself when you simply haven't been given the body you would have chosen for yourself. No one is perfect and you don't sound as if you've tipped the scale despite how grim you feel your situation is. You are thin and average height so you have a sound foundation to build on if that's what you should wish to do.

username123

Its nothing to do with your looks - youre just focussing on that because your self esteem is rock bottom.

But on your looks - ever seen Al Pacino in the flesh? Tiny, receding hairline, bad skin. But he is so well groomed and exudes such self confidence you wouldnt notice.

You cant do anything about your height - so no point in worrying about things you cant control, get some shoes that add an inch and you'll be pretty close to 6ft.
Contacts/glasses - you can get really funky contacts or glasses, that add an element of style (think Johnny Depp).
Nose - nothing you can do about it and youre probably the only one who notices it.
Hands - do some hand exercises so that they look toned and think of how many women love a man who looks like he has intelligent hands. My BF is a big guy and has very thin hands, but he is an artist so they look 'arty'.

Groom yourself to within an inch of your life, get the best hairstyle that suits your head and face, get cool glasses/contacts, get a style makeover from a female friend and start pimping yourself out - we all feel better about ourselves if we look the best we can look.

Im no Angelina Jolie but I just make the most of what Ive got and because I feel confident I attract people - its the vibes not the physical appearance that attracts people.

Most importantly - please see a professional about your suicidal feelings. You need to speak to someone and you may need some medication to help you feel better. Its very important that you do this because your body dysmorphia is blown out of proportion and you have lost your perspective due to your self esteem being so low.

boredatwork82

Its just your negative attitude.
Get a serious gym program...Arnies encyclopedia of body building is the best. and some protein/creatine ( maximuscle cyclone).
In no time you'll be bigger/stronger and your confidence will be up. As for filling out, I grew about 2 inchs between 20-25 and also filled out, put on 2 stone without getting fatter....so don't worry about it.

Watch Pumping Iron by Arnie to see the confidence you can gain from weights.

Deedsie

Id just like to add. I am just 5"9. I have never had a problem with girls. If thats whats bothering you. I have never had a problem competing with lads physically. You hardly let anyone push you around because of your height?

Only advice i could give you is back down from nothing, and if you are trying to get a girl. Stop being so self centred thinking about how you couldnt get her. Focus on her. Give her attention. Thats what they want.

Take up a sport and you wont be long hardening up.

Sam Vimes

username123 wrote: »

Its nothing to do with your looks - youre just focussing on that because your self esteem is rock bottom.

bingo.

SoWatchaWant

Looks aren't everything. Look at Jack Nicholson. What he lacks in that compartment, he makes up for in sheer charm.

You can make your hands muscly too, if you like. I envy my dad's hands, they're like a bear's paw. That's from 20 years of menial labour though. However, you can just exercise them!

Hope I've helped...:)

Also

Natural Selection, in the way you think of it, doesn't apply in the modern world as much as you think it does. Strength is of no advantage to a modern man, pretty much, even if it's useful to a tiger or whatever.

What is favoured in humans is social charm, etc, stuff that's all in the head.

cantdecide

SoWatchaWant wrote: »

Natural Selection, in the way you think of it, doesn't apply in the modern world as much as you think it does. Strength is of no advantage to a modern man, pretty much, even if it's useful to a tiger or whatever.

What is favoured in humans is social charm, etc, stuff that's all in the head.

I think what the OP means is that the physically irregular are in the sights of natural selection, not those short in stature or strength...

Wagon

"Get over it" is delightfullly overused in PI so I'll try put a bit of solid advice in here for you.

I'm a bloke. I'm 6 ft tall, so only a couple of inches taller than you. You are a good height so don't be worrying about that. But look at the rest of me:

-I have a slightly hooked nose (loads of Jew jokes from my mates[bastards])
-I'm skinny for a bloke (30 - 32 inch waist or something)
-Hands aren't big and manly (somewhat slender, good cos I play music)
-I need a haircut (badly, but can't just yet and read down to find out why)
-Haven't much of a chin.
-Eyes are somewhat drooped (not a lot, i just look stoned all of the time)
-My eyesight is bollocks (and I'm out of contacts. AND my glasses are ****, only have one arm and my hair holds the other side in place unless I look down. so using logic my next haircut will cost over 300 euro!)
-I have a mole on my cheek as well (only a small one but still)

And yet my girlfriend is a very sexy, tall Italian lady who's absolutely sound and is great craic. I was the exact same about my features as you are about yours and believe me mate, I'm no prize peach but after I stopped giving a **** about what I looked like things took a great improvement with the wimmins. I wouldn't change the way I look either. I don't look like anyone else (apart from people saying that **** from the kooks :mad:) and while that limits my options for theft and identity fraud, I'm happy enough.

The boys who are pretty get the girls, but the men who are sound get the women.

Pub07

Since when has 5' 9 been short? Im 5' 10 and always considered myself average height, its never once entered my head that im short. And OP as for your hands, who gives a flying **** about your hands? Nobody thats who. You wear contacts, so whats the problem there, you would not look any different if you weren't wearing contacts. I wear contacts and glasses. You sound like a totally normal guy, hit the gym for a few months and put on some muscle if you want to gain confidence and feel better about yourself, after 6 months or less in the gym you will be most definitely be stronger than the average guy on the street who doesn't work out. Oh and btw women dont care about looks as much as men, confidence attracts them more than anything.

road_2_damascus

Mike Tyson, 5' 11"... he's no oil painting either, in fact he personifies ugly, and he made it many women... confidence, and happiness within yourself, and you'll be just fine. And for God's sake, speak to someone openly and directly if your feeling suicidal, you may feel that you just hate the way you look as you are depressed... look, you are intelligent, articulate, sense of humour, you have all your facilties... A woman 2 years ago tried to drive off a pier locally because she was depressed, she's in a wheel chair since.. get busy living!!!!!

Wink

I just popped in to say I love guys with glasses, and most of my friends do too! It's hot, especially when they're the chunky ones with black frames.

LegacyUser

Looks arent everything. Sure, just on the bus today I saw some ugly f*cker eating the face off a stunning girl....go figure. This is one of my pet hates cause Im actually a good looking guy and id like to think a genuinly decent person but I have never had a girlfriend and probably kissed 6 girls in my life and thats it.....Im 25!!!! At 19 I wasnt the best looking person in the world, bad acne, little overweight, arms and legs too long for my body. The girls always passed me by and went straight for my friends. This made me extremely depressed for a couple of years thinking I would never find anyone etc. Then at about 21 decided to stop wallowing in my own self pity, to get over it and do something about it. I joined a gym and I WENT and I WORKED HARD!!!!! Going and pussy footing around will get you nowhere and you will only get more depressed because you will say "I went to the gym but nothing changed". You need to go regularly, train hard and watch your diet.

Things didnt change over night but 3-4 years down the line and I gradualy built muscle and grew into my body properly. Just lifting weights and working does wonders for your self esteem. Even though now Im generally thought of as a good looking guy and the girls now bypass my friends for me, I still carry my hang ups and lack confidence with women because of my early years experience but at least Im now happy in my own skin and the confidence with women is just something new for me to work on.

What im trying to say is that your still young, your body hasnt fuly developed yet. Now is the time to do something about it, join the gym, eat well, get nice clothes, have your teeth withend or do whatever needs to be done if your not happy about something. Everyone has problems and are a little insecure, just some are better at hiding it. Dont give up just yet.

moe_sizlak

Unreg09 wrote: »

First of all let me say that I am in a pretty frustrated state right now so it's a struggle to stay calm and type.

I'm a guy, 19 yrs old. I just can't believe how unlucky I have been physically.. Pretty much everything about me is less than ideal... NOT ONE thing about my body is perfect... And most people have at least one good thing (a balance). For example maybe a man is not too good looking but is tall (ideal height) and strong which could make up for it.. Same applies for being short with good looks. Or maybe even other less significant aspects, that can still make up for things..

As for me.. I have NOTHING. Yes that's right NOTHING. Not one good physical aspect about myself what so ever.

I'm not good looking (I would say quite odd looking)
I have a big roundish head
I'm horribly short sighted, forced to wear contacts
I have a round type nose and small mouth
I'm average build/weight, weak and seem to lack a natural ability to gain muscle at a normal rate (Although not important as that can be changed)
I'm definitely not tall (which I only recently noticed about myself) being merely 5'9 and a half'' barefoot.. This is now by far the most depressing part about myself..

I should not be this short. My mother is 5'4 and my father is a tall 6'1''... My typical bad luck..

Not only am I short (maybe not short but clearly below the majority), due to my size I have small girlish hands.. thus taking more away from any ounce of manliness I might have making myself even less attractive..

And of course size dictates physical strength and ability to defend oneself as well, making me clearly weaker and inferior to 80% of men I encounter or have to compete with.

I NEEDED height. One thing I could have had to be proud of. As well as giving me a much needed advantage in attracting women, I would feel more able as a man to stand up for myself or others. Just in general feel like a man.. And now that's gone too...

I have nothing. It's scary to say it but I guess this could just be natural selection hmm? Only the strong and naturally blessed humans survive.. And the likes of me are supposed to just die off..

And yes I know what your thinking now and your correct. I am thinking about suicide. Always have. Sometimes I really want to just do it.. but I'm too scared. I have a fear of death and the blackness (or worse) it might bring.. I'm a coward as well. Not surprising.

Thought it would be worth posting this here. I don't go around telling people all this obviously. Just had to get it out. Maybe some feedback might be of benefit or at least give me something to think about..

Thanks for reading.

your height seems to be of the most concern to you , let me tell you something , being tall and ugly is no better than being short and ugly and besides your not short if your 5ft 9 , thats bang on average , im 6ft 4 and i absolutly hate it , everytime i sit into a car , i have to adjust the seat and if i go on a long drive , im all aches because of a cramped possition , i could the spend the whole night listing disadvantages to being too tall and cant think of one advantage to it , oh and trust me , its a myth that girls dig really tall guys , if your leaning over them , you not only look completly incompatible , they get a sore neck looking up at you and you look redicolous if you dance with them , also , people dont like you if your too tall , you appear overbearing and different , people dont like whats different

i would gladly trade heights with you my friend , good luck with being ugly , i know what its like

dlofnep

I'm 5'4" brother.. Don't worry about your height. I'm comfortable with mine.. Fitness wise, you could go on a low carb diet and hit a gym.. There are always ways to improve your looks.. I say this as the polar opposite to the ideal man (short, pale, not handsome). Lucky for me, I have more confidence than Tom Cruise!

CathyMoran

My husband is 5ft 9in and the ladies were (and do) run after him (though he is oblivious and loves only me )! It just makes him easier to kiss (am only 5ft 2in, so he has to bend down a bit). Personally I think that glasses are nicer on a guy but that is just me...you just need to build up your confidence and you will be fine!

rosepetal

i met my (now) dh when he was 18 and he was the skinniest ,weediest fella ever, with acne ,god love him !!! i could have beaten him up myself if i had wanted to (not that i did, u understand:D) . now, 15 yrs later, he is a strapping 5ft 11 with broad shoulders and is 15 stone , acne is a distant memory and he also works as security for a pub part time so he is well able to take care of himself.
i suppose what i am trying to say is u still have a lot of growing and changing to do, what u look like now is nothing like u will in even 5 yrs time. i think ur real issue is low self esteem so get down to the doc and tell them just how u feel, they can help. good luck

thebigcheese22

Hey I'm 5 foot 6! And while I wish I could have been taller it doesn't bother me coz I know I cant do anything about it

LegacyUser

You have some self-esteem body image problems which might be related to other depression problems so I would maybe check that out - GP, school or uni counsellor etc. You can work on these things... absolutely. Don't be afraid to go and talk to someone. Don't feel negative about how you look - just accept that maybe you need to ask someone with some pro experience for advice.

I had horrible body image problems when I was younger, related to depression and mental issues. I tore myself apart physically and well the depression ran me down and I was pretty ill.

After many years of working on it (I'm not saying it will take you years - I had some pretty large obstacles to overcome on the way!), I am now much better able to deal with my problems and I'm much healthier. The funny thing is that being much healthier I'm also about 3 stone heavier and I wonder why I ever worried when I was younger.

Sometimes I hate my body. I look at it and I shudder and I'm disgusted and repulsed and all those horrible feelings come back. But I've learnt how to deal with them - how to tell them to go away. Other times I feel confident in myself. I wiggle with confidence! My big wide hips and my wobbly tummy don't make me any less beautiful. I am beautiful! I know that.

Oh yeah, and I do like shorter, slimmer guys. Everyone likes different things. I sometimes am amused by how my little and large relationship works. I'm 5ft 4in, size 14, big hipped, big boobed, just generally wide (!!) and I walk along with my 5ft 9in boyf, slender wee thing that he is (but strong - you don't have to massive or ridiculously muscley to be strong!) and I think we make an interesting match. But he loves my body and I love his.

Húrin

Unreg09 wrote: »

I have nothing. It's scary to say it but I guess this could just be natural selection hmm? Only the strong and naturally blessed humans survive.. And the likes of me are supposed to just die off..

This is rubbish. Natural selection doesn't apply to us humans.

You're only 19. I'm sure you're brilliant without consciously knowing it yet. Most of the other posters have given good advice.

partyatmygaff

5,9 is hardly short to be saying the truth.


If you want to act manly the best way is to walk with a slight swagger (slight shoulder movement)

LegacyUser

Alright, here we go.

Obviously you have a problem. But I can understand completly why somthing like image (especially height) can make you crazy. Alot of guys fall short of perfect, and so many girls put guys into their own personal category to be what they want them to be. Now, you say you have nothing good about yourself. Do you play an instrument? do you write? are you good at sports? Are you creative? these are things that somewhat make up for being less than perfect. Physically I am far from perfect. I have a baby face, and i have a slight hunchback. But I can put on muscle quite easily and have a v shaped body framed (broad shoulders) However Because of my lack of bone density and my height, Im not strong or anything above average.

Now back to height...This part of my reply probably wont be pleasent to hear, but its time to put things to rest. You have been measered at 5'9.5. That means your true height is probably around 5'9 or 5'8.75 because you shrink during the day. Now height is a GIANT factor for girls. I cant tell you how many girls have turned down guys who are short like (5'7) but you might still have trouble at 5'9 since it is indeed quite a short height for a full grown man. I have been measured at 5'9 as well and Its hard to compare yourself to other young men who average about 5'11-to 6'2 these days. I feel your pain about your dad being so tall and you being so short, my father is 6'2 and all of my uncles and cousins are even taller than him. I get the rep for being short all the time at home, as well as with my friends.

How I survived I don't know, but Im still here and enjoying life. I don't care what people think of me and Im a damn good guitarist to boot. Just stop being overly critical about yourself, find things in life that make you happy. Don't let other people rule your life, live your own and get what you want. thats my philosophy and its helped me along the way.

LegacyUser

It's the OP here. Was surprised to see my thread revived this late.

Meant to reply at some point around the time I started getting responses but put it off as I was far from in the mood. When it drifted to the next page I decided not to knock it back up. I am thankful to all those who replied and the attention. Of course replying this late, it's easy to have suspicions on wether or not I'm the original poster. All I can do is assure you that I am the OP.

^ To the last poster, you are a similar height to me and can relate. Not just that but you are also a guitarist, as I am also. I'm a talented guitarist and really it's the only thing that's good about myself. However I would gladly give up my talent in return for an instant 3 inches without even thinking about it. Height is everything to me now.

After doing a lot of research into the procedure I am considering having Leg Lengthening some time in the near future. Even though it would knock my proportions out of whack thanks to my already longer than average legs.... It's the most effective and really the only option. Unlike you I just cannot sit back and continue life without concern for my height. The past few weeks I have been waking up in the morning and checking my height a number of times desperately hoping to see that I have grown a bit with no joy.. It needs to be changed or I won't be able to live out my life. Thats it.

cantdecide

Unreg09 wrote: »

Unlike you I just cannot sit back and continue life without concern for my height. The past few weeks I have been waking up in the morning and checking my height a number of times desperately hoping to see that I have grown a bit with no joy.. It needs to be changed or I won't be able to live out my life. Thats it.

You must understand that if you were 5'3", the posts would have been much different.

Very very few would be heard to say that 5'9" is anything other than a good average. If you walk down any street, you will pass lots of men much chorter than you. The point is that aspiring to better yourself is one thing eg, getting braces to correct bad teeth but you seem to have an unhealthy fixation on your pefectly acceptable height.

Going through painful surgery that is intended for much shorter people than you is proof of this. The fact that you are prepared to exaggerate your already long legs is even more worrying.

I would suggest and I wager that few will disagree, that if you were determined to have this done, you should still see someone. I dare say that any specialist would suggest the same...

ForTheLoveOf_Fi

its obvious you have low self esteem and you are merely focsing on your height to have somthing to focus on. i have to warn you it may not change- do not get your hopes up. your best bet is to wall tall (metaphorically) chin up and smile. its much nicer to see someone happy than down and dwelling on things that are just the way they are.

let me give you some perspective. my best friend is 5ft5. he walks with a smile and is always upbeat and is much loved. now the best part, my boyfriend is 6ft9. no kidding. now he is extreemly self concious as he is medicallly classed as a 'giant'. he realised about 6 months ago that nothing can be done and him wallowing isnt going to do anything for him. i love him to bits and am most proud of him for his courage.
now i know this is the opposite to your case but im trying to point out that wat ever physical attribute you believe is a negative be it a small thing or everything it can me overcome by accepting yourself. you have to accept yourself before other peole will.

and one last word of advice: if it aint broke, dont fix it.
you are 19, a year older than myself, and you have your whole life ahead of you. you wana take all obstacles that come your way head on, not half heartedly because of you insecurities.
good luck, private mail me if you wish to speak to me further. X

LegacyUser

There are always advantages of being taller/bigger. While I do except that taller than average (or unusually tall) people can have disadvantages and reason to feel depressed, it's certainly not as bad as being on the opposite end (shorter than the majority or unusually short).. The few disadvantages of being tall and strong simply do not match up to or compare to the disadvantages of being short {and weak}. In fact there are no advantages to being short and weak. There are MANY advantages to being tall (and thus strong).

At least if one is tall he can rest in the comfort that he is physically stronger/superior to any idiot who might try to make fun of him..

Wibbs

I'm around the 6 foot mark and I can tell you there are plenty of 5"1 women that could give me a hiding. Strengths got nada to do with it. Sexual attractiveness? Give me a break. The most successful bloke I know on that score with women is about 5 5(he could be less. My mates tend to worry if I produce a measuring tape).

I would tend to agree with some of the other posters. It seems like an issue with you that has gone towards the unhealthy end over time. Everyone has some body issue or something they're self conscious of. That's fine enough, but when it gets to the point of an obsession then it's not so fine. YOu have youth, talent and health on your side, but that matters little in the face of this issue of yours.

I think some sort of counseling would be money far better spent than looking into surgery, because chances are, even if it worked, something else would be an issue. If you can fix the reason not the symptom then you will be a happier bunny all around.

mutualismo

I am a couple of inches shorter than the poster and I have thought about it and finally realised that I don't care. I've never been in a fight and probably will never be. I've never needed to intimidate anyone physically, and never been intimidated by anyone (ok, maybe when I played rugby).

Short guys: Nicolas Sarkozy, Bono, Neil Hannon, Al Pacino. You think these guys can't stand up for themselves?

If you think that height is a big deal for women, then you're right. Some of them. But I'm about 5'6 or 5'7 and I've been in love with some brilliant women. Most of my friends around my height have too, and the older ones are married. It's true that I have poor chances with immature/shallow girls, drunk girls in a nightclub, or girls taller than me who couldn't deal with going out with somebody shorter than them, but I can live with that.

The real questions are: are you a fun guy to be around? Can you make a women feel good? Do you live a life you're proud of?

You mentioned that you would swap your music ability for 3 inches. That's a bit sad, don't you think? What else would you swap - your intelligence? Your honesty? Your integrity?

I think you should consider getting professional counselling to find out what's really bothering you. There's no shame in that. Many people with more serious issues will never seek counselling. But if you really want to find out what's going on and get on a more productive route, that is the way forward.

mutualismo

Unreg09 wrote: »

TAt least if one is tall he can rest in the comfort that he is physically stronger/superior to any idiot who might try to make fun of him..

Which is useful if you are a boxer, a policeman, a bodyguard.... most people don't need to beat up anybody else.

irish_bob

im over 6 ft 3 and ive never found it to be any kind of advantage , one poster mentioned that their partner was 6 ft 9 , thats awfull , personally i would perfer be 4 ft 9 than 6ft 9 , in fact id perfer be mini me , he seems to do ok with the ladies despite being vertically challenged

Fol20

Your biggest issue seems to be your height.

Whats so good about being tall.I for one standing at 6.3 doesnt see the big deal.The only thing its help you in is certain sports such as basketball but thats about it.Do you really want to be my height and be dancing in a club,i think not since youd feel like an fool.Everyone comes with the good and bads in life,Instead of thinking you have an odd face,think of it as a unique face with strong characteristics that help you stand out from all the other bland people.Instead of thinking like you have unmanly hands,think of it as soft hands like a babies bottom that any women would wanted to be to touched by.You get the idea.You feel like your the odd one out,but BELIEVE ME when i say this that everyone has things they dont like about themselves.

Hope this helps

LegacyUser

Unreg09 wrote: »

After doing a lot of research into the procedure I am considering having Leg Lengthening some time in the near future. Even though it would knock my proportions out of whack thanks to my already longer than average legs.... It's the most effective and really the only option. Unlike you I just cannot sit back and continue life without concern for my height. The past few weeks I have been waking up in the morning and checking my height a number of times desperately hoping to see that I have grown a bit with no joy.. It needs to be changed or I won't be able to live out my life. Thats it.

That's retarded. Seriously. What would you think if someone with anorexia told you the only way they would get over their weight problem was to not eat?
It's not your height that's the problem, it's your self image. Go see a professional and get over it before you do something so horrific to your body.

Flipz4Rollz

SoWatchaWant wrote: »

Looks aren't everything. Look at Jack Nicholson. What he lacks in that compartment, he makes up for in sheer charm.

You can make your hands muscly too, if you like. I envy my dad's hands, they're like a bear's paw. That's from 20 years of menial labour though. However, you can just exercise them!

Hope I've helped...:)

Also

Natural Selection, in the way you think of it, doesn't apply in the modern world as much as you think it does. Strength is of no advantage to a modern man, pretty much, even if it's useful to a tiger or whatever.

What is favoured in humans is social charm, etc, stuff that's all in the head.

The way he's talking i'd say he does enough "Hand Exercising".:p

Seriously, Looks aren't everything. Be lucky you don't have any major disabilties.

Slutmonkey57b

Unreg09 wrote: »

I'm average build/weight, weak and seem to lack a natural ability to gain muscle at a normal rate (Although not important as that can be changed)
I'm definitely not tall (which I only recently noticed about myself) being merely 5'9 and a half'' barefoot.. This is now by far the most depressing part about myself..

And of course size dictates physical strength and ability to defend oneself as well, making me clearly weaker and inferior to 80% of men I encounter or have to compete with.

I NEEDED height. One thing I could have had to be proud of. As well as giving me a much needed advantage in attracting women, I would feel more able as a man to stand up for myself or others. Just in general feel like a man.. And now that's gone too...

This is a great example of how depression warps your view not just of yourself, but of what your "flaws" really are. The truth is that very tall guys are at a disadvantage unless they're professional boxers. Short, stocky guys do very well in units like the SAS. How often do you get into fights that you have to win anyway?

The feeling of being a man that you're describing isn't proportional to height, or weight, or money. It's about how you feel within yourself, and that's something that you can work on, even if it doesn't feel like it now. I used to be in the same position of assuming it was impossible to put on weight, and feeling weak as a result (I was 6'2 and 11 stone). But with work and (most important) eating, I was able to put on close to 3 stone, change my body shape and feel better about myself - not because I suddenly looked different, but because I proved to myself that I could change the things I wasn't happy about. That's the most important thing - to prove to yourself that just because you don't like something about yourself, doesn't mean you can't fix it, and that as a result, it doesn't define who you are.

You are 19. You're at the point where you've come through the **** times in life (school) and now you can make your own way in the world. You don't need surgery, and you don't need drastic measures. The average male height is 5'10. You're an inch below that - that's the facts. You might feel small, or weak, or worthless, but you're not. You're just like everyone else and if you have the strength to tap it, you can improve yourself, and you won't need surgery to do it. Your problem is depression, and that's mental. It's treatable, and you can manage and beat it.

Adyx

:eek: I'm 5ft 5 (Male), I wear a size 7 shoe (I'm closer to a 6 though) and I have tiny, tiny hands. I also play the bass which looks huge on me, I still get the occasional good-natured joke but I never let it bother me. I don't understand how anyone could feel short when they're 5ft 9.

Sure the first thing people notice is my height but the people who get past that are the ones that end up lasting as friends or whatever.

LegacyUser

Unreg09 wrote: »

It's the OP here. Was surprised to see my thread revived this late.

Meant to reply at some point around the time I started getting responses but put it off as I was far from in the mood. When it drifted to the next page I decided not to knock it back up. I am thankful to all those who replied and the attention. Of course replying this late, it's easy to have suspicions on wether or not I'm the original poster. All I can do is assure you that I am the OP.

^ To the last poster, you are a similar height to me and can relate. Not just that but you are also a guitarist, as I am also. I'm a talented guitarist and really it's the only thing that's good about myself. However I would gladly give up my talent in return for an instant 3 inches without even thinking about it. Height is everything to me now.

After doing a lot of research into the procedure I am considering having Leg Lengthening some time in the near future. Even though it would knock my proportions out of whack thanks to my already longer than average legs.... It's the most effective and really the only option. Unlike you I just cannot sit back and continue life without concern for my height. The past few weeks I have been waking up in the morning and checking my height a number of times desperately hoping to see that I have grown a bit with no joy.. It needs to be changed or I won't be able to live out my life. Thats it.

Okay, were both 5'9, it sucks I know. For all of you guys that are saying 5'9 is average, its not. Anyway why are you so keen on going though surgery? Surgery is expensive and can screw up your body even more (not to mention give you weaker joints, and decreasing your overall strength.)

If you really REALLY NEED to gain height, I sugest wearing lifts or boots, Or but shoes that give you a couple inches. I wear boots all the time now ever since i turned 18 a couple years ago as height had never been a real problem untill this period in my life. You would be surprised at how even an inch or two difference can make you feel even if you dont hit 6ft. Dont set your standards at 6ft for now, try 5'10.5. Thats what I suggest, at least it will lessen the problem in the mean time.

Also you should see a therapist or someone you can trust about these feelings. I am seeing a therapist now actually (not just for height) and it seemed pointless at the beginning but you can't let these feelings rule you! You lose in life when that happens. Belive me I feel really bad that height is everything to you now, but that was me about a year ago so I know how you feel. I would like to continue to talk to you on this forum even if it is a little late on the post just to check in on how your doing. Please wait on surgery. You may regret it.

Also Im not sure I would trade my talent for 3 inches, its tempting, but Ill say no. Music is what helps me cope with all this ****. Keep doing music its a great hobby. Hope to hear from you soon.