sleaziest thing you ever did

scottledeuce

Inspired by the best lie ever told thread it got me thinking of a few memorable moments which mostly seemed to mostly involve the opposite sex and well there not exactly a lie if nobody finds out so I figure'd I'd post mine here.

In College there was this girl 2 door's down who I always noticed going to college at the same time as me the odd morning,
anyway after inviting myself to a house party there one night and making her acquaintance I used to give her a lift the odd morning when I'd see her walking.

As it happens she had, what can only be described as circus tits and when you're only out of bed navigating speed bumps these are the last things you need beside you early in the morning.:D

Anyway curiosity got the better of me and I decided I wanted a go on them put the following plan into action
There was a set of traffic lights at the end of a long stretch of road on the way to college and they were pretty much guaranteed to change by the time you got to them,
i.e. if they were red they would probably turn green when you got to them and vice versa.
Eventually this gets quite predictable and you can pretty much tell depending on when they last changed weather or not they would change by the time you got to them.

Now this is where it gets a bit sleazy...

Next morning she is in the car, I'm watching the lights and my speed like usual making small talk as you do, coming up to the light's there is a halting site and I pointed out some neglected looking pony and the cruelty of it all when SH*T!!!!!

In all my not paying attention, that light that was green just turned red and so I need to slam on the brakes hard and fast.....at the same time her breast slams hard and fast into my innocently positioned hand :eek::eek: and I get a perfect two seconds of breast to hand contact plus minor points for trying to protect her in the event of a crash......:cool::cool::cool:

Too far...maybe but I was 18 at the time and I did try again and fail

deleriumtremens

niiiice!!

Theresalwaysone

haha All that for a bit of tit? Really? I applaud your work ethic/problem solving skills and all but surely just cracking on to her wouldve proven more successful?

I hope ya put that much effort into everything ya do.

tba

what the hell are circus tits?

Get In There

i lol-ed!

DublinWriter

scottledeuce wrote: »

In all my not paying attention, that light that was green just turned red and so I need to slam on the brakes hard and fast.....at the same time her breast slams hard and fast into my innocently positioned hand :eek::eek: and I get a perfect two seconds of breast to hand contact plus minor points for trying to protect her in the event of a crash......:cool::cool::cool:

...and there was I wondering why motor insurance is so expensive in this country.

4zn76tysfajdxp

scottledeuce wrote: »

In College there was this girl [...] and fail

I read that story before in a book, I smell shenanigans.

whiskeyman

tba wrote: »

what the hell are circus tits?

Circus because you need a Big Top?

Tits you like to clown around with?

scottledeuce

Theresalwaysone wrote: »

haha All that for a bit of tit? Really? I applaud your work ethic/problem solving skills and all but surely just cracking on to her wouldve proven more successful?

I hope ya put that much effort into everything ya do.

No man she was way hotter than me

DublinWriter wrote: »

...and there was I wondering why motor insurance is so expensive in this country.

A good rack will take a bit out of your pocket too

Nora Happy Skillet wrote: »

I read that story before in a book, I smell shenanigans.

Correct son...I'm not taking credit for the idea I just said It's probably the sleaziest thing I done

AnonoBoy

I opened this thread expecting some full on sleaziness worthy of Tucker Max or the like. But slamming on your brakes to grope a girl's tit for half a second?

Disappointing to say the least.

I've decided not to share my story now.

4zn76tysfajdxp

scottledeuce wrote: »

Correct son...I'm not taking credit for the idea I just said It's probably the sleaziest thing I done

Fair enough.

BTW, the act itself really wasn't cool. I wouldn't boast about it so readily if I was you.

consultech

Nora Happy Skillet wrote: »

I read that story before in a book, I smell shenanigans.

haha truth fail.

Fizman

tba wrote: »

what the hell are circus tits?

http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/images/americasgottalent/season2/talent6807_32tetas.jpg

TestTransmission

scottledeuce wrote: »

Inspired by the best lie ever told thread it got me thinking of a few memorable moments which mostly seemed to mostly involve the opposite sex and well there not exactly a lie if nobody finds out so I figure'd I'd post mine here.

In College there was this girl 2 door's down who I always noticed going to college at the same time as me the odd morning,
anyway after inviting myself to a house party there one night and making her acquaintance I used to give her a lift the odd morning when I'd see her walking.

As it happens she had, what can only be described as circus tits and when you're only out of bed navigating speed bumps these are the last things you need beside you early in the morning.:D

Anyway curiosity got the better of me and I decided I wanted a go on them put the following plan into action
There was a set of traffic lights at the end of a long stretch of road on the way to college and they were pretty much guaranteed to change by the time you got to them,
i.e. if they were red they would probably turn green when you got to them and vice versa.
Eventually this gets quite predictable and you can pretty much tell depending on when they last changed weather or not they would change by the time you got to them.

Now this is where it gets a bit sleazy...

Next morning she is in the car, I'm watching the lights and my speed like usual making small talk as you do, coming up to the light's there is a halting site and I pointed out some neglected looking pony and the cruelty of it all when SH*T!!!!!

In all my not paying attention, that light that was green just turned red and so I need to slam on the brakes hard and fast.....at the same time her breast slams hard and fast into my innocently positioned hand :eek::eek: and I get a perfect two seconds of breast to hand contact plus minor points for trying to protect her in the event of a crash......:cool::cool::cool:

Too far...maybe but I was 18 at the time and I did try again and fail

You're still a virgin arent you

Craft25

did you actually get something out of a girls tit touching your hand for half a second..

you should tell that in the pub, u might get a pity shag!

MIN2511

Mine is today in the library... accidentally(NOT) fell into this hawt guys arms... And he caught me-my friends have been calling me sleazy since

AnonoBoy

MIN2511 wrote: »

Mine is today in the library... accidentally(NOT) fell into this hawt guys arms... And he caught me-my friends have been calling me sleazy since

Here - send this link to your friends. They seem to be struggling with ze eengleesshh.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sleazy

scottledeuce

Nora Happy Skillet wrote: »

Fair enough.

BTW, the act itself really wasn't cool. I wouldn't boast about it so readily if I was you.

Craft25 wrote: »

did you actually get something out of a girls tit touching your hand for half a second..

you should tell that in the pub, u might get a pity shag!

Well of course there is nothing you can get out of it apart from a childish high five from your mates when you get home (which was worth it) and I'm not really boasting more or less reminiscing about the lengths a horny teen would think is normal to go to cop a feel.

Ohh and whats wrong with being a virgin anyway:p

Duiske

MIN2511 wrote: »

my friends have been calling me sleazy since

Perhaps what your friends should have been calling you ?

Berty

A couple of work colleagues and I were drinking at a conference and one girl was wearing a top giving her massive cleavage which eventually turned into the main conversation. We wanted to get a better look and suggested she popped another button.

She eventually did with the help of the other girl next to her :eek::) and said "Are you happy now"

I said as the noise in the bar disappeared as though a comedy sketch "Yes, thank you Im quite aroused now".

Its ok now. She knows I look at her tits. They are nice tits. She knows for this reason I am sleazy but I keep telling her its a compliment to her that I ogle them and call them mamories. She hates that word which is more the reason to say it to her.

I wouldnt sleep with her though to get near them. Shes not very good looking but a quick fondle of her tits would be nice. Just one squeeze.

antodeco

In fairness

MIN2511

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Here - send this link to your friends. They seem to be struggling with ze eengleesshh.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sleazy

Duiske wrote: »

Perhaps what your friends should have been calling you ?

Hahahaha

MIN2511

Whats the big deal with guys and tits?

lee_arama

MIN2511 wrote: »

Mine is today in the library... accidentally(NOT) fell into this hawt guys arms... And he caught me-my friends have been calling me sleazy since

It's only sleazy if you'd need rohypnol to land the guy; if you've the looks that he'd come back for seconds after a night of bedroom olympics then it's merely flirting.

lee_arama

Min: I think it's more teenagers and tits, since most older guys will prefer a more manageable pair of breasts than the ones you see in Nuts and the like.

I'm a leg man myself.

Berty

MIN2511 wrote: »

Whats the big deal with guys and tits?

Huh, women like dicks so why should men be different for liking boobs.

Im more an ass man anyway.

rizzla

Banana Bar in Amsterdam is where the sleaziest things in my life have happened.

Caught an illuminious dildo that was shot out of a girls fanny.

Ate a banana from a girls fanny, which she strangley put a condom on?!?

That whole city is sleaze and I love it.

bleg

MIN2511 wrote: »

Whats the big deal with guys and tits?

it's evolutionary. women with big tits are more likely to be able to produce more milk and sustain offspring better.

long legs indicate that the woman has has a healthy upbringing as a child.

Kiera

Let me get this straight. You were willing to cause an accident with the cars behind you all for a titty feel? Its a shame personal abuse isn't allowed on boards!

Zzippy

IvaBigWun wrote: »

Just goes to show how great minds think alike. At the same time!!1!

And fools seldom differ...

antodeco

Do Ryanair fly to Amsterdam?

The_B_Man

rizzla wrote: »

Banana Bar in Amsterdam is where the sleaziest things in my life have happened.

Caught an illuminious dildo that was shot out of a girls fanny.

Ate a banana from a girls fanny, which she strangley put a condom on?!?

That whole city is sleaze and I love it.

lol that place is great! Had one of the strippers pick a 50 note off me face....but not with her hands!

She was flinging them dildos left right and centre at us! You could put someones eye out with those! One of them mixed me mates drink around with a dildo she was using!! I told him not to drink it! Thats nasty!

antodeco wrote: »

Do Ryanair fly to Amsterdam?

No you'll have to fly aer (cunni)lingus.

Berty

We were in the banana club and the lads who had positioned themselves at the end of the bar. The girl was doing a show with a snake box thing but I knew from being in there about an hour already that it was actually a banana and guess where she put it.

Anyway, she was getting 5 men up on the stage to assist. She came down(no puns) and asked me up. It was my friends 21st so I had to allow him up.

Basically she puts in where bananas should not normally go but has peeled it first, ok. Each guy takes a bite but my friend Damo is at the end of the line so there is little left. So he leans in to take a bite and she thrusts her groin into his face and we all cheer of course. He comes up for air and his face is covered in (not not that) in Banana. We cheer again. Some English guys next to us then get thrown out for taking a picture and we pocket their free drinks tokens. We cheer again.

In the same bar a year before( I was not there ) the girl wrote out hello Nala, wish you were here on a postcard with the marker where markers should not be. The lads got a stamp and posted the car to the guy who couldnt make it over to Amsterdam. As*holes.

God, what a crazy city.

Berty

The_B_Man wrote: »

lol that place is great! Had one of the strippers pick a 50 note off me face....but not with her hands!

She was flinging them dildos left right and centre at us! You could put someones eye out with those! One of them mixed me mates drink around with a dildo she was using!! I told him not to drink it! Thats nasty!



No you'll have to fly aer (cunni)lingus.

I was handed a cigar to keep and smoke after it was being smoked in a place you dont normally smoke cigars BUT not before it was offered to a guy seated in the rows. His wife was having none of it. You could see her wagging her finger so he gave it back.

I DID NOT smoke it.

GirlInterrupted

I wish I hadn't read this thread.

Berty

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

I wish I hadn't read this thread.

No you really mean " I wish I hadn't read this page of the thread" LOL

iPlop

I fcuked my mates girlfriend and im still fcukin' her ,but at least they don't go out anymore

Acacia

Septic Leper wrote: »

I fcuked my mates girlfriend and im still fcukin' her ,but at least they don't go out anymore

So it worked out well for everyone involved...

iPlop

Ahh yeah fcukin' deadly weve 2 great kids aswell now:D

N1njapirate

no comment.
.
.
.
I'm a flirt in general.
.
.
.
So I'm screwed for life.

*points*
You there!
*bats eyelids*

rizzla

Berty wrote: »

I was handed a cigar to keep and smoke after it was being smoked in a place you dont normally smoke cigars BUT not before it was offered to a guy seated in the rows. His wife was having none of it. You could see her wagging her finger so he gave it back.

I DID NOT smoke it.

Ah yeah, the smokin pussy as they called it. Was €25 extra when I was there. There was also, pussy balls, I guessed it was anal beads placed in her unmentionables.

I got the postcard too. Her penmanship was excellent.

consultech

Im a bit of a sleaze in general...

I like playing leg-to-leg touchy with hot burds on the dart/bus accross from me. They usually play back, except when they don't.

Quazzie

consultech wrote: »

Im a bit of a sleaze in general...

I like playing leg-to-leg touchy with hot burds on the dart/bus accross from me. They usually play back, except when they don't.

I used to do this too when I was a teenager when travellign to school. It always felt kind of perverted though.

That might be because me and my sister used to get dropped off at school by my dad.

Stargal

Just to even up the gender gap in this thread:

I once rang my boyfriend from the Nitelink home after a party and tried to persuade him to have phone sex with me. Very loudly, very drunkenly and in front of the whole bus. Thankfully, and to his eternal credit, he knew I was on a bus and somewhat rather drunk so he kept trying to talk me out of it.

Me: So what are you doing right now? Tell me. In detail.
Him: I'm talking to you on the phone.
Me: Noooo, come on! I'm thinking about you. I'm imagining that you're here and...
Him: You really don't want to finish that sentence.
Me: Come on, it's hot!
Him: Not when you're slurring your words like that. And I presume the whole bus is listening in at this stage.
Me: Thasssss ridiculoussss.
Him: Just stay on the phone so I know you get home safely
Me: Excellent, I will. So I'm imagining unbuttoning your shirt...
Him: Oh god....

More phone rape than phone sex, I think, so pretty sure that qualifies as sleazy.

AnonoBoy

Stargal wrote: »

Just to even up the gender gap in this thread:

I once rang my boyfriend from the Nitelink home after a party and tried to persuade him to have phone sex with me. Very loudly, very drunkenly and in front of the whole bus. Thankfully, and to his eternal credit, he knew I was on a bus and somewhat rather drunk so he kept trying to talk me out of it.

Me: So what are you doing right now? Tell me. In detail.
Him: I'm talking to you on the phone.
Me: Noooo, come on! I'm thinking about you. I'm imagining that you're here and...
Him: You really don't want to finish that sentence.
Me: Come on, it's hot!
Him: Not when you're slurring your words like that. And I presume the whole bus is listening in at this stage.
Me: Thasssss ridiculoussss.
Him: Just stay on the phone so I know you get home safely
Me: Excellent, I will. So I'm imagining unbuttoning your shirt...
Him: Oh god....

More phone rape than phone sex, I think, so pretty sure that qualifies as sleazy.

That's hilarious. Kudos to you ya drunk!

partyguinness

Picked up this girl on a one night in Kerry a few years back (not the greatest)..back to her place and into bed..all going well..next thing she starts bawling crying..it was the anniversary of her brothers death that night...obviously this was a total spanner in the works and my chances of getting laid were disappearing...

so being a completely heartless bastard and determined to get laid (not to mention the hard on that had to be dealt with)..I told her that my sister had died a few months back and I knew excatly how she felt (totally untrue thankfully)...

I even started to cry with her in my arms comforting her...to cut a long story short I shagged her..result..but defo a low point

monkeytronics

partyguinness wrote: »

Picked up this girl on a one night in Kerry a few years back (not the greatest)..back to her place and into bed..all going well..next thing she starts bawling crying..it was the anniversary of her brothers death that night...obviously this was a total spanner in the works and my chances of getting laid were disappearing...

so being a completely heartless bastard and determined to get laid..I told her that my sister had died a few months back and I knew excatly how she felt (totally untrue thankfully)...

I even started to cry with her in my arms comforting her...to cut a long story short I shagged her..result..but defo a low point

There is nothing I can possibly say to that. All I can do is.......

ha ha ha ha

AnonoBoy

partyguinness wrote: »

I even started to cry with her in my arms comforting her...to cut a long story short I shagged her..result..but defo a low point

You sir should be both immensely ashamed of yourself and proud in a sleaze-ball kinda way.

partyguinness

Actually have been too ashamed to tell any of the lads that story..:o

arybvtcw0eolkf

jackncoke wrote: »

You're still a virgin arent you

Yea, the silly boy should have pointed with his strategically placed pointing cock, if he didn't get a ride at least he'd have been in for a camel ****!.

Pace2008

The_B_Man wrote: »

lol that place is great! Had one of the strippers pick a 50 note off me face....but not with her hands!

She was flinging them dildos left right and centre at us! You could put someones eye out with those! One of them mixed me mates drink around with a dildo she was using!! I told him not to drink it! Thats nasty!

When we were there an English bloke actually got minced in the head with one of those dildo missiles.