Asking someone out. Text or Call?

indieJones

It's probably been done before but screw it. This may influence what I do this afternoon. What is your preferred method to ask or be asked and why?

A brief synopsis of the pros and cons (IMO)

text: Casual, quick, gives time to think of appropriate replies in conversation, easier to ask, easier to reject.

call: More personal, can get more across (good and bad), more awkward if someone wants to say no, shows confidence, might catch someone at a bad time.

Beruthiel

Texting is for 14 year olds and wimps.

impr0v

Text is the chicken's way out.

Sharpshooter

indieJones wrote: »

It's probably been done before but screw it. This may influence what I do this afternoon. What is your preferred method to ask or be asked and why?

A brief synopsis of the pros and cons (IMO)

text: Casual, quick, gives time to think of appropriate replies in conversation, easier to ask, easier to reject.

call: More personal, can get more across (good and bad), more awkward if someone wants to say no, shows confidence, might catch someone at a bad time.

Why the phone at all ?

What's wrong with asking someone , face to face.

CiaranC

Texting is for children

funloving

CiaranC wrote: »

Texting is for children

but when you are asked out with a text you can always say you didnt get the text,you had no credit to reply etc...

I prefer the phonecall or the carrier pigeon

oztots

Texting is handy, but i'd prefer to ask them myself face to face.

Failing that a call, so i vote call her/him.

abi2007

+1 pigeon

Xavi6

Bebo them

Mossy Monk

Get a friend to ask for you.

gerky

CiaranC wrote: »

Texting is for children

Snyper?

funloving

Mossy Monk wrote: »

Get a friend to ask for you.

Id never date a guy if he asked his friend to invite me on his behalf....

JC 2K3

It doesn't really matter if she likes you. If she's unsure then it's easier for her to reject you by text than by phone or face to face.

I think it's rather condescending to look down on people for asking others out by text, however. It's just an alternate method of communication. It shouldn't be used to shy away from face to face interaction, but if this isn't the case and it's convenient, then I don't see what the problem is.

muboop1

indieJones wrote: »

It's probably been done before but screw it. This may influence what I do this afternoon. What is your preferred method to ask or be asked and why?

A brief synopsis of the pros and cons (IMO)

text: Casual, quick, gives time to think of appropriate replies in conversation, easier to ask, easier to reject.

call: More personal, can get more across (good and bad), more awkward if someone wants to say no, shows confidence, might catch someone at a bad time.

how well do you know the person?
do you have a relationship with them as a friend or what?

if they are a friend you commonly call, then call, would be weird to suddenly do otherwise. if your relationship is basically just texting, mabey a text?

honestly id likely go with the call regardless, but i know last girl i asked out, i done it by text because i found it easier/im a bottler. my logic was i hadnt a clue if she was realy into me, so i text, that way she wouldnt feel pressured, as i wouldnt require an answer straight away and she had time to think about it! and having said that the girl i was going for was also a quiet shy girl, so made sense to not put any pressure on her

id almost be a fan of texting for the reason that you dont pressure them.

judge it yourself! is she is outspoken etc, call her!
if she is quiet etc id text.

Professey Chin

Neither. You kidnap them making sure they dont see you, put on a fake voice telling them theyre gonna die. Then bring them to where you were gonna bring them out to and reveal it was all a fake and theyre not gonna die. Theyll either be so relieved youll get a date or so angry youll have to actually kill them.

Very effective and I dont speak from experience.................well recent experience anyway

consultech

Pass them a note with "yes", "no" and "maybe" boxes. It's the way it's been done since the beginning of time.

In all seriousness asking someone out is best done in person, WHEN you're out/in their company, if at all possible. I know this isn't always possible, but asking as an afterthought of invitation to something you are already planning to do (you already have a life) is the most effective. i.e. Natural conversation -> "I'm dying to see that new Australia film..." -> "Actually do you wanna go see it tomorrow?" You set yourself at a naturally worse footing if the whole event is "about them" - i.e. Bringing them to dinner etc. on first date.

Mena

Beruthiel wrote: »

Texting is for 14 year olds and wimps.

I'm far too old to not agree with this line of thinking. Grow a pair would be my only other advise.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

Fizman

Get a mate of yours to chat to one of her mates and suss out the situation (is she interested, does she like anal, etc). That way you can save face if she isn't into anal.

I mean seriously, who would go out with somebody who isn't into anal? :pac:

peanuthead

Text is the most popular way, definitely. But my bf asked me out by firstly asking a mutual friend of ours for my number, so when the friend asked me "Is it okay if I give XX your number?" To which I replied, yeah!!

So I suppose for my bf, he knew I was interested before he asked. But I was expecting a text, but got a phonecall instead!! That has always been his way of doing things, the direct approach. Not mine. It felt a bit strange for me at first, but I have to say it was really impressive imo for him to call someone he only met once, briefly, and ask them out over the phone.

2years on and I still think he's great!

So I would say, phone her.

glasgowghirl

Text definitely. It's better for both parties. Gives you more time to think of a gentle let down if you don't wanna go and less awkward if you're the one being turned down. And if the answer is yes, you can both jump around the living room in delight, whilst appearing cool on the outside. Perfect.;)

samhail

Just create a new thread in AH and send them a link ?

beertons

In person. If you can't say it to her face, don't bother.

I did like the kidnap suggestion though. Unique, but getting popular.

senordingdong

Beruthiel wrote: »

Texting is for 14 year olds and wimps.

Ah that's not fair.
What if he's really shy?

Or what if he is a whimp, then what should he do?

cork1

for the first date call. after that who cares as long as you get the message across. i think it matter alot more how you act on the date.

tallaght01

Text, definitely.

Coz you can send the same one to a few birds at once.

Sparky

Phone tbh

Trouble with texts is they have no tone. Anyone could pick it up the wrong way.

Txting is for kids

Text because if you call you put them on the spot and it isn't really very fair.

georgem25

Phone or in person. Texting is impersonnel and for kids.

Nothingcompares

I say Text, but I could be just a wimp. I hate talking to people on the phone, I'd rather text them and arrange to meet them in person then talk int o a ****ing mobile phone handset and ring them while they're driving, working, doing something. I wouldn't have thought the method would really matter if the girl is interested. On the other hand, maybe by ringing some lass and you do put her on the spot she might find it difficult to say "no, no way, no thanks".

towel401

Xavi6 wrote: »

Bebo them

Where's the 'thumbs down' button on this?

towel401

I usually call them but it never works. The conversation usually goes something like this

Me: Hai
Her: Are you in England?
Me: No I'm using an IP phone
(some meaningless conversation goes here)
Her: Ah sorry I have to go
(she doesn't answer anymore and fades into oblivion)

or else

Her: Wtf where are you? where is +88?
Me: At home. I'm using a satellite phone
(she hangs up quick and I never hear from her again)

wylo

Depends on the situation, its snobby to say texting is for kids, its become a standard way of communicating even with older people.

If you know them well and have been meeting with them alot and texting alot then the conversation can generally develop into a "whats going on with us" conversation. Then texting is ok, it would be weird to suddenly ring them up.

But if your just asking them on a date and you dont know them well then you might be a little less weird if your chatting properly

i71jskz5xu42pb

Moonbaby wrote: »

Text because if you call you put them on the spot and it isn't really very fair.

On the spot how exactly? You're asking them out for a drink not for a kidney for the sick orphan you took in of the street.

How difficult is it to say "Thanks for the offer, but I don't think it would be a good idea"? I'd wager a lot less difficult than "I really need both my kidneys and yellow really suits that kid".

likely_lass

id say text, way more confortable for the woman, she can ring all her friends and get their opinions hahaha

towel401

wylo wrote: »

Depends on the situation, its snobby to say texting is for kids, its become a standard way of communicating even with older people.

If you know them well and have been meeting with them alot and texting alot then the conversation can generally develop into a "whats going on with us" conversation. Then texting is ok, it would be weird to suddenly ring them up.

But if your just asking them on a date and you dont know them well then you might be a little less weird if your chatting properly

its still the lazy way out. for people who don't have the guts to call someone (like kids maybe). which is in turn the lazy way out for meeting up in person

wylo

towel401 wrote: »

its still the lazy way out. for people who don't have the guts to call someone (like kids maybe). which is in turn the lazy way out for meeting up in person

Well it also gives the other person a chance to come up with a response if they wanna say no , instead of " em...er....ahhh....i dunno if I wanna go out with someone right now"

towel401

wylo wrote: »

Well it also gives the other person a chance to come up with a response if they wanna say no , instead of " em...er....ahhh....i dunno if I wanna go out with someone right now"

why do you want to make it easier for them to say no?

SoWatchaWant

towel401 wrote: »

why do you want to make it easier for them to say no?

Good point, if they were unsure at first, and they say "yes" out of discomfort, you can still win them over.

If by text, they're less likely to take the risk cause it's less awkward to say "no". And you never seee them again.

Caliden

Whichever is the cheapest

Also this is the 21st century, why dont the women make the first move? fecking sexists

Abi

towel401 wrote: »

why do you want to make it easier for them to say no?

Why would you want to make someone uncomfortable enough to say yes, when theres a chance she only agreed because she was put on the spot? Given the chance I would imagine women would rather let someone down gently rather than him see how shocked by it, and awkward she feels by the offer, if it is not what she actually wants. The answer for me depends on a few elements. How long do you know her? Is there any flirtation or any obvious signs of interest? Does conversation flow well or is it awkward? If it flows well, call. If not, throw the ball in her court.

AlmightyCushion

Telepathy.

towel401

Abigayle wrote: »

Why would you want to make someone uncomfortable enough to say yes, when theres a chance she only agreed because she was put on the spot? Given the chance I would imagine women would rather let someone down gently rather than him see how shocked by it, and awkward she feels by the offer, if it is not what she actually wants. The answer for me depends on a few elements. How long do you know her? Is there any flirtation or any obvious signs of interest? Does conversation flow well or is it awkward? If it flows well, call. If not, throw the ball in her court.

if someone is silly enough to say yes out of discomfort then they should deal with the consequences. i'm not going to go around making life easy for people who don't have the guts to say no. also the being let down gently thing is a huge waste of time. I know a lot of people would rather quietly ignore someone from behind the safety of their computer / mobile phone screen but I have no time for this kind of messing

the whole texting / facebook culture has made it far too easy for people to avoid even the smallest bit of awkwardness or confrontation to the extent that a lot of people can't deal with it at all anymore.

Abi

towel401 wrote: »

if someone is silly enough to say yes out of discomfort then they should deal with the consequences. i'm not going to go around making life easy for people who don't have the guts to say no. also the being let down gently thing is a huge waste of time. I know a lot of people would rather quietly ignore someone from behind the safety of their computer / mobile phone screen but I have no time for this kind of messing

the whole texting / facebook culture has made it far too easy for people to avoid even the smallest bit of awkwardness or confrontation to the extent that a lot of people can't deal with it at all anymore.

So its say yes enthusiastically, or stop wasting my time? You are a catch. Rattle out of the pram approach. Love it. Even if by some miracle you got past the date, that approach will cause you a bit of bother. The bull in a china shop approach does bugger all for women.

towel401

Abigayle wrote: »

So its say yes enthusiastically, or stop wasting my time? You are a catch. Rattle out of the pram approach. Love it. Even if by some miracle you got past the date, that approach will cause you a bit of bother. The bull in a china shop approach does bugger all for women.

no i'll put up with it but it annoys the **** out of me. so i'll ask them straight out if they don't want me to bother em anymore. and they'll say no because for some reason they have a huge problem with telling someone to **** off. even in a nice way. I don't know why but texting seems to have made the problem worse. you can leave a text fester for a while. think of an answer, try to manipulate the person and like some other poster said ask around (i would be ****ed if they had the chance to ask around) so therefore the quality of the answer you get through a phone conversation is much better.

Gummy Panda

MMS

send them a picture message of your penis/vag. If they like the look it, they may reply.

Lola123

Depends on how well you know them. If you see them on a regular basis then sending them a text is probably gonna make things awkard.... face to face or phone in this case i reckon. However, if u just met them on a night out or whatever, then text is the best way imo, less pressurised.

Abi

towel401 wrote: »

no i'll put up with it but it annoys the **** out of me. so i'll ask them straight out if they don't want me to bother em anymore. and they'll say no because for some reason they have a huge problem with telling someone to **** off. even in a nice way. I don't know why but texting seems to have made the problem worse. you can leave a text fester for a while. think of an answer, try to manipulate the person and like some other poster said ask around (i would be ****ed if they had the chance to ask around) so therefore the quality of the answer you get through a phone conversation is much better.

Seeing as you put it like that.. Wants ta go on a date ;-)
/hides face

No matter who asks, or how you ask- the odds of being refused are there. May I ask, what exact words would you use for a face to face refusal, you being the refuser? :-)

entropi

I voted other, simply because i'd rather see the expression and first hand reaction to what i'd just said to them in person;) If they were truly interested they wouldnt hesitate much/at all (they might rearrange times if they DO hesitate though) Calling is on the cards, but texting i'm not too keen on, unless you rarely see them or just got their num to ask em out.

Davidius

Texting people costs too much money!

And even if it doesn't, you might make spelling mistakes and they'll hate you forever.

dolliemix

What happened op did you text or call? And what was the response?