Donating your eggs

metaoblivia

Would you?
I'm considering it. It pays very well, and I think it would be nice to help a couple that was struggling with infertility. There are definitely some drawbacks though. If a couple chooses you, you go through a roughly 8 week period of medical/fertility treatments, during which time you cannot engage in sexual activity. It's a good thing I don't have a boyfriend, otherwise I can see that being a problem.

MJOR

I'd do it. It's a nice thing to do. I didn't realise you got paid for it though that is a bonus. I'm not sure my OH would bethrilled at eight weeks with no nookie thoough!

Clare Bear

Are all those fertility/medical treatments 100% safe? I think it's a great thing to do for someone but I wouldn't want to put myself in a position where it might not be good for me. If it was my sister or a very close friend who couldn't have children and I was approached maybe I would do it but otherwise no.

xzanti

what sort of money are we talking about here?

northdubgal

What type of tests would be involved?

wyndham

metaoblivia wrote: »

Would you?
It pays very well, ................

Jars a bit with your thread title. How about "Selling Your Eggs"?

Crumble Froo

i think it's only something i'd consider if it was to help somebody i knew personally.

or was ridiculously broke... but for the most part, only if it was to help someone i knew.

littlebug

It sounds like a good thing to do to help people who have infertility problems but in reality I couldn't bear the thought of someone else having my baby. I couldn't do it

Stheno

littlebug wrote: »

It sounds like a good thing to do to help people who have infertility problems but in reality I couldn't bear the thought of someone else having my baby. I couldn't do it

+1 not that I want children, but I think I'd always wonder about the child/person that came about through my donating eggs to a couple.

You'd have to be very sure that it's not something that you'd come to regret in the future.

Crumble Froo

honestly, i have no actual idea what's involved. what is involved?

littlebug

look at www.giftoflife.ie
There's no mention of payment, just travel expenses etc.

Scarinae

Clare Bear wrote: »

Are all those fertility/medical treatments 100% safe? I think it's a great thing to do for someone but I wouldn't want to put myself in a position where it might not be good for me. If it was my sister or a very close friend who couldn't have children and I was approached maybe I would do it but otherwise no.

I agree with this. Imagine helping someone else have a baby, and making yourself sterile in the process? I would consider it for my sister or friend, but not for a stranger

brianthebard

Can any potential children that arise from this exchange track down the egg donor when they reach 18? I don't know much about sperm donations but afaik it used to be anonymous and now its not, at least in the UK? I'll have to do some googling. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4397249.stm
When I was younger it seemed like an easy way to make money and I had a detachment from the idea of any kids that would result from sperm donation, but now I feel a lot less eager about it.

Zaph

littlebug wrote: »

look at www.giftoflife.ie
There's no mention of payment, just travel expenses etc.

metaoblivia is in the States, the set up may be different there. For example, you can get paid for blood donations in some places in America, but certainly not here.

metaoblivia

Yes, Zaph is correct, I'm in the States. Here, anonymous egg donation pays anywhere from $7,000 to $10,000 per donation. But you have to go through extensive medical testing, which includes genetic testing, blood tests, and psychological tests before donating. You also have to have a university degree and be in good shape, have no hereditary diseases, can't be adopted, etc..
If a recipient family chooses you as their donor, you go through 8 weeks of fertility treatments (which is why there's no sex), and towards the end it requires a daily doctor's visit. They also align your cycle with the recipient's cycle. Then they do a procedure to harvest the eggs.
It doesn't have unbearable side effects; they usually mimick PMS. It also shouldn't interefere with your ability to have children.
Here's a link with more info:
http://assistedfertility.com/donor/egg-donor-program.shtml?gclid=CKXVyPjb8pcCFQt4Hgod-kT5Dg

4zn76tysfajdxp

metaoblivia wrote: »

It also shouldn't interefere with your ability to have children.

So you (the kindly benefactor) wont be sterile as a result of the process?

metaoblivia

Cynthia Tiny Cashier wrote: »

So you (the kindly benefactor) wont be sterile as a result of the process?

Nope. Sterility is not a side effect.

brianthebard

Why are you interested in it meta, is it just a monetary transaction?

littlebug

Ah right that explains it.
Apart from the screening isn't it pretty much the same process any woman who is undergoing IVF goes through? That's a pretty hefty payment for an altruistic act alright but I guess if the screening process is thorough and there's an element of counselling then it's a good way of giving infertile couples a chance to have a baby. I still couldn't do it myself though.

4zn76tysfajdxp

metaoblivia wrote: »

Nope. Sterility is not a side effect.

*Impressed high-pitched grunt*

If I had a diary (or a pen) I'd wrote that down as the something new I learned today.



Now I really see no reason for women not to do it tbh.

metaoblivia

brianthebard wrote: »

Why are you interested in it meta, is it just a monetary transaction?

Well the money certainly isn't bad, and I could use a bit of money. Being American, I have thousands of dollars worth of student loans I'd like to pay off, and this would help. It's a way to help out a family who wants a baby and make some money. It's a win win. I know some people would like for it to be 100% altruistic, but that's not the way my society - or most societies - work.

Zaph

Is it something you can do more than once?

metaoblivia

Yes, you can do it multiple times. They only harvest somewhere from 5-15 eggs each time. But there is an age limit, usually around 32.

brianthebard

metaoblivia wrote: »

Well the money certainly isn't bad, and I could use a bit of money. Being American, I have thousands of dollars worth of student loans I'd like to pay off, and this would help. It's a way to help out a family who wants a baby and make some money. It's a win win. I know some people would like for it to be 100% altruistic, but that's not the way my society - or most societies - work.

I see. Its just the more I think about the whole fertility industry the more it bothers me for some reason. For a start I feel the world is overpopulated as it is without men fathering dozens of children through sperm donations for instance. (edit: I see from the above post that the same potential is there in egg donations). Also it seems almost like a one night stand where you are almost 100% certain you got the other person pregnant-having a child out there that is, to all intents and purposes yours, I'm not sure how that would play with one's mind over the decades. I know that a lot of people can detach themselves from that, they must be able to or the industry wouldn't exist, but still it seems very-I can only say unnatural.

metaoblivia

I can see where some people would feel that way. It's definitely not for everyone. I hear you on the over-population thing. But unfortunately, the US government at least, isn't so great at matching abandoned children with adoptive parents. For example, the state of Arkansas has more children up for adoption than it knows what to do with. But it recently denied stable, loving homosexual couples to right to adopt and did the same with stable, loving single parent homes. Children who need homes are being denied and people who actually want to be parents are being denied. Now I don't know what to do about the children, but if it turns out I can help a couple who will provide a loving, stable home to a child, then I'm all for it. My thinking is, I'm not mother material right now, and I don't know that I ever will be. But I think I was handed a pretty good genetic card, and if someone else could get some use out of it, then that's great.

brianthebard

I see what you mean about the adoption and personally feel its a much better option, but shouldn't we therefore seek to not offer alternatives so that people can continue to have children while orphans continue to suffer? My thinking here (and its quite fuzzy cause I feel sick *ahem*) is that by continuing to allow non fertile couples to have children, the issue of adoption will remain off the table. On the other hand your genetic argument is quite good, we could create a very good looking, intelligent super race! :P (well when I say we, I don't mean with my genes obviously)

metaoblivia

I definitely think that the adoption thing needs to sorted. But unless the government sees that homosexual couples and single parents can provide just as good of a home as those pesky heterosexuals, I don't think we'll see change. And in order to do that, they need to have children that can't be taken away from them.
And as an American, I can tell you the thing my country needs the most is circulating the better genes (slightly tongue in cheek here - just slighty! ), and more importantly, giving people who have the desire and unconditional love to raise a child the opportunity to do so.

allabouteve

metaoblivia wrote: »

I can see where some people would feel that way. It's definitely not for everyone. I hear you on the over-population thing. But unfortunately, the US government at least, isn't so great at matching abandoned children with adoptive parents. For example, the state of Arkansas has more children up for adoption than it knows what to do with. But it recently denied stable, loving homosexual couples to right to adopt and did the same with stable, loving single parent homes. Children who need homes are being denied and people who actually want to be parents are being denied. Now I don't know what to do about the children, but if it turns out I can help a couple who will provide a loving, stable home to a child, then I'm all for it. My thinking is, I'm not mother material right now, and I don't know that I ever will be. But I think I was handed a pretty good genetic card, and if someone else could get some use out of it, then that's great.

Putting more children into the world won't solve the problem of children in care and foster homes.

You might not be mother material now, but if/when you do become a mother, knowing a child of yours is out there without any imput in their lives from you, might start to hurt in places you can't imagine now.

spinandscribble

i agree with allaboveve.

As much as i see the value in donating, is the child essentially yours? i mean do the have your DNA? I couldn't do it if that was the case. I'd always worry about them.

i work with children that need homes and while my kids wouldn't be the pick of the bunch (slightly mentally handicappied/behaviourable problems), they need homes and if some of them had got homes younger things wouldn't have got so bad that they'd be where they are.

Zaph

allabouteve wrote: »

Putting more children into the world won't solve the problem of children in care and foster homes.

You might not be mother material now, but if/when you do become a mother, knowing a child of yours is out there without any imput in their lives from you, might start to hurt in places you can't imagine now.

I assume that the procedure is done similar to IVF, which doesn't guarantee pregnancy, so therefore you wouldn't know for certain whether or not there was a child of your's conceived.

CathyMoran

We thought that we could not have kids for various medical reasons so were starting looking down getting an egg donation route (we also want to adopt). I think that it is a wonderful thing to do for a childless couple. I know that we would have been eternally greatful. Luckily, I have cousins that were willing to undergo the procedure for me but I would still worry for the lady giving us the eggs.

metaoblivia

allabouteve wrote: »

Putting more children into the world won't solve the problem of children in care and foster homes.

You might not be mother material now, but if/when you do become a mother, knowing a child of yours is out there without any imput in their lives from you, might start to hurt in places you can't imagine now.

Again, it's not for everyone. I see your points, but if I become an egg donor, than that's a risk I would sign up for. As Zaph said, you don't know if it works out or not, so...
I understand that some people couldn't deal with possibly having a child out there. But I don't see it as my child. I wasn't pregnant, I didn't give birth to it, I didn't raise it. It's someone else's child. I just donated some DNA. That's just me. It's my mindset. I can't make decisions based on something as flimsy as how I may or may not feel 10 years down the road. I can only make sure I'm fully educated about the process and make what I feel is the best decision at the present time. And at the present time, I see this as a win win.

spinandscribble

metaoblivia wrote: »

Again, it's not for everyone. I see your points, but if I become an egg donor, than that's a risk I would sign up for. As Zaph said, you don't know if it works out or not, so...
I understand that some people couldn't deal with possibly having a child out there. But I don't see it as my child. I wasn't pregnant, I didn't give birth to it, I didn't raise it. It's someone else's child. I just donated some DNA. That's just me. It's my mindset. I can't make decisions based on something as flimsy as how I may or may not feel 10 years down the road. I can only make sure I'm fully educated about the process and make what I feel is the best decision at the present time. And at the present time, I see this as a win win.

if thats the way you feel then there doesn't seem to be anything standing in your way.
Are you in any way worried the money may become a issue and you'll start selling more and more eggs or do you plan for this to be a once off?

brianthebard

I see what you are saying meta, but while you might not consider the child yours, the child might? http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/20/national/20siblings.html?_r=1 These donations are something that continue to have implications for decades afterwards, and there's no guarantee a child conceived by your eggs might not want to come in contact with you. If this was the case, if they considered themselves your child but you didn't consider them yours, the possibilities for hurt are massive. I'm not trying to guilt trip you (I think) but like I said its just a really complex situation. Also, 100 dollars for sperm, 10,000 for eggs? yikes.

metaoblivia

Oh no, I see it as a once off thing. There's a specific bill I'd like to pay off and this would do it. I'm not someone who goes through money quickly. I have no credit card debt or anything like that.
If the child wants to find me, they are more than welcome to. One thing about me that is different from some people is that I'm very flexible when it comes to these things. If the child doesn't want to find me, that's fine. If they do, that's fine too, I'd be more than willing to be part of their life. I'm willing to have the donation completely anonymously or meet with the parents and play a role in the child's life. It's about what the couple wants and what they think would be best for their child.

brianthebard

metaoblivia wrote: »

Oh no, I see it as a once off thing. There's a specific bill I'd like to pay off and this would do it. I'm not someone who goes through money quickly. I have no credit card debt or anything like that.
If the child wants to find me, they are more than welcome to. One thing about me that is different from some people is that I'm very flexible when it comes to these things. If the child doesn't want to find me, that's fine. If they do, that's fine too, I'd be more than willing to be part of their life. I'm willing to have the donation completely anonymously or meet with the parents and play a role in the child's life. It's about what the couple wants and what they think would be best for their child.

I don't want to insult you here, cause what I'm about to say might seem confrontational, but at the same time I assume you posted this thread cause you wanted to see how people think about these things and how you feel about the topics they brought up. With that in mind;

You said that you wouldn't think of the child as yours. But if the child comes to you at 18 or whatever you are willing to be a part of their life. Don't you think they will think of you as their mother of sorts, otherwise they wouldn't have bothered? So if you don't think of that hypothetical child as yours now, would you be willing to consider it your child if they asked you to be their mother, which I see as a possibility?

SeekUp

brianthebard wrote: »

Also, 100 dollars for sperm, 10,000 for eggs? yikes.

Well . . . there's no intensive hormone regimen/genetic testing/synching up of menstrual cycles/going into the body to retrieve the eggs . . . when it comes to men going into a room and "depositing" into a cup, is there?

brianthebard

SeekUp wrote: »

Well . . . there's no intensive hormone regimen/genetic testing/synching up of menstrual cycles/going into the body to retrieve the eggs . . . when it comes to men going into a room and "depositing" into a cup, is there?

My balls feel cheapened.

metrovelvet

I babysat for a long time a child conceived through IVF donation. It was sperm, not egg, but I imagine the issues are very similar.

Here she is here: http://video.aol.com/video-detail/leandra-ramm-on-anderson-cooper-360-on-cnn/4205158973

She came from a genius nobel prize bank created to make better citizens. What the video doesnt tell you is that her younger brother, also from the same bank is autistic.

She considers the man who raised her to be her dad but expresses a desire to meet her donor to express her gratitude for her existence. She seems very adjusted and mature about all of it.

Her parents are very good friends of my family and I would not judge them, but personally I would not **** with nature and have serious ethical questions around the fertility industry.

Furthmore, just consider that everyone has a philosophical, though not legal, right to know their biological heritage/identity.

metaoblivia

brianthebard wrote: »

I don't want to insult you here, cause what I'm about to say might seem confrontational, but at the same time I assume you posted this thread cause you wanted to see how people think about these things and how you feel about the topics they brought up. With that in mind;

You said that you wouldn't think of the child as yours. But if the child comes to you at 18 or whatever you are willing to be a part of their life. Don't you think they will think of you as their mother of sorts, otherwise they wouldn't have bothered? So if you don't think of that hypothetical child as yours now, would you be willing to consider it your child if they asked you to be their mother, which I see as a possibility?

Oh, no insult taken. I posted this thread because I am considering doing it, and I know there's a wealth of opinions on it. It's somewhat controversial. I thought it would make for an interesting discussion in TLL.
There has been adoption in my family, so I'm familiar with the varied emotions that surround this sort of thing. I think there's a difference between being a mother and having a relationship with a biological parent. If I were to donate an egg to a couple, and should they have a child from that egg, that mother would be their mother. Now, if the child came to me at 18 and wanted a relationship with me, I would certainly have one with them. Whether or not I would consider them my child or they would consider me their mother would depend on the depth of that relationship. From personal experience, adopted children who were raised in loving families usually feel very strongly that their adoptive parents are their "real" parents. They may want to find their biological parents and establish a relationship with them, but usually make it very clear that they aren't trying to replace their adoptive parents.
Is their a risk for hurt feelings somewhere along this very thin line? Yes. But that's life. That's a risk you choose to take.

Xiney

When I was in university (famous one - so it's a common belief that people studying there are intelligent), over 50% of the ads in the classifieds of the student newspaper were "donate your eggs to a childless american couple" types.

And I would have with no reservations at all except that I'd just had Mirena inserted and I'd have had to take it out. I think my husband and I could have done without sex for 8 weeks for 10 grand.



DNA for me does not mean much at all - although like the OP I wouldn't mind if the child later wanted to get in touch with me or something like that.

Pyr0

I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing a child I helped create was running around and I had no input in its life, knew what it looked like etc I'm not even sure knowing what the child looked like would a good thing, thinking about it now it'd probably make it harder to accept that the child legally isn't mine, biologically yes but not legally.

littlebug

I think it's a very selfless thing for you to consider metaoblivia:). Careful with wanting to repeat it though- it's a heavy duty assault on your hormones and cycle. I'm close to someone who had IVF and despite it being something she desperately wanted she found the ovarian stimulation thing incredibily difficult hormonally. Bad PMS x 100. There is also the risk of hyperstimulation which can be very serious but I assume you know all that.

metrovelvet

I dont know if its selfless. You are getting a lot of money for it and you can satisfy your biological need to procreate without actually having to be a mother.

metrovelvet

Question for OP - How much of what you get will you have to hand over in taxes? What will you be left with?

metaoblivia

No idea. I'd think more about that if it actually happened.

littlebug

metrovelvet wrote: »

I dont know if its selfless. You are getting a lot of money for it and you can satisfy your biological need to procreate without actually having to be a mother.

I'm actually changing my mind on this every few minutes metrovelvet lol! I just know that I couldn't do it for any amount of money and I also see it as a heavy assault on the body which does have it's risks. The amount of money does complicate things but I'm guessing there aren't many purely altruistic donors around which is why they have gone this route. I wonder how many donors the Irish programme has had given that there isn't money involved.
I'm not sure that I agree that it would satisfy a biological need to procreate like you say but hey.... i can only judge by my own experiences/ instincts/ needs...

metrovelvet

metaoblivia wrote: »

No idea. I'd think more about that if it actually happened.

You do have to pay taxes on it. If I were you,Id find out how much youd be left with, weight it up against the health risks, the possible remorse, and everything else and see if its worth it.

LolaLuv

I couldn't do it. Too much of a hassle, but I'd also still feel like it were my kid. I don't think I'd be comfortable with randomly adding my DNA to the gene pool like that. I'd want to know where it's going and that future progeny would be well taken care of, etc. Also, I have concerns about the implications for it as far as selecting children's traits and all that. Just not my cuppa, no matter how much they pay.

metrovelvet

^ Me too. Just couldnt for so many reasons.

metaoblivia

metrovelvet wrote: »

You do have to pay taxes on it. If I were you,Id find out how much youd be left with, weight it up against the health risks, the possible remorse, and everything else and see if its worth it.

Oh, I know you'd have to pay taxes on it. I just don't know the specific details regarding it, seeing as this is simply an idea right now. If it were to become more of a reality, that would be one of my questions (each candidate, once an initial application is approved, then has an interview with the agency; I would ask then). Taxes aren't something I'm terribly concerned with though.
I've read up on the risks, which are minimal and not long term, and while you may be concerned about potential remorse, I am not, as I have stated several times.