PokerSwat Xmas poem competition . . .

dK1NG

Twas the day they call Christ-mass, when all through the house
Not a sound was there heard, except for my mouse;
The stockings that were hung so carefully last night,
Now lay scattered around, after the annual kids fight.

The little b*stards now lay, thrown down in their beds,
While the sounds of their screams still pounded my head;
The other half, so kindly, allowed me to play poker,
Well, the other option was to allow me to poke her.

On the outside, was the usual merry banter,
I couldn’t care less, 20nl I was beating at a canter;
An idea came to me, out of the blue in a flash,
If I take the one shot, I will roll in the cash.

Just like Santa, I chuckled ho-ho-ho,
Ignore BR management, shur who will know;
In my minds eye, it seemed so clear,
1000nl, shur what was there to fear?!

With great anticipation, I loaded up Doyles,
Then, oh so (un)wisely, opted, instead, for Boyles.
Ipoker was hopping, , full of da fish,
And, so hoped I, they’ve been on the pish.

Play tight, be aggro, show them who’s boss,
And then it happened, on that fateful coin toss.
My A-K got busted, to that fishes’ 10, 2,
Oh deary, oh deary, now what shall I do?!

The answer seemed simple, reload and reclaim,
Very soon, those damn fish will all fear my name.
My credit card was there, I topped up with ease,
Now for the plan, go in for the squeeze.

And then, in a twinkling, it all went to sh!t,
Running Kings into Aces, I took a bad hit.
I knew it was over, my dreams gone up in smoke,
My poker “career” was still but a joke!

Good comes from bad, despite my distress,
I quickly realised, I need to get out of this mess.
A three-month subscription to get me out of the rot,
The solution was simple, the answer - Pokerswat!

My eyes how they twinkled, my dimples so merry,
My cheeks were like roses, but it wasn’t cos of sherry.
My eyes spread wide, as I see whats inside,
All of those pros, now my game they would chide.

Too loose UTG, too passive with position,
As they looked at my stats, I realised I was the station.
Exploitable, predictable, I learned to my dismay,
I discovered my leaks, thanks to the vids by Hector J.

They were right, oh so right, the fish twas actually me,
It had taken me so long, yet now my weaknesses I could see.
Give me time, let me grind, back to da bottom rung,
No longer ignoring BR management, now that I’ve been so badly stung.

Yet, now in silent contemplation, I sit here and muse,
Is it really worth it all, it is time for me to choose.
Long nights by the screen, when the family snooze,
I successfully grind it out, and I no longer lose.

So, thanks you Pokerswat, you’ve helped me be the player I’ve now become,
But now, as I stare at the ghost of Xmas to come,
Add up the lost years, and time not spent with friends, time to do that sum;
And I wonder (oh how I wonder) what is to be my fate,
The answer, so simple: as a life for me – poker is just not all that great.

EPILOGUE: Poker is the devil! And as for those damn chimps....:P

cooker3

Part 2

It was the day after christmas, much food had been consumed
I needed a break after my account has been doomed.
The donks were out, the variance was huge.
Each session felt like a roller-coaster in a luge.

I sat about lazily looking for something to do.
I then decided that my pokerswat poem needed a part 2
The pokerswat boys decided there was a need for an extension.
The first part of my poem now lacked some comprehension.

It needed an improvement and now I had the time
To do some searching and find more words that rhyme
It's an arduous task, to find rhymes that are new
You know what, screw it. This will just have to do.

cardshark202

Twas the night before christmas _____ polkadot
______________________________ pokerswat
______________________________ coaching
______________________________ poaching

_______________________________ ship ship
_______________________________ mcgipp
_______________________________ stack
_______________________________ christmas craic

_______________________________ lurking fish
_______________________________ turkey dish
_______________________________ pleasent
_______________________________ present

_______________________________ yuletired
_______________________________ very large retard
_______________________________ in
_______________________________ for the win

YULETIRED

It was the night before the arse operation
cardhark was trying for his last masturbation,
he had roundtower dressed in the gear of a gimp
and was trying to get hard but as usual was limp

so he went on the net and tried to be brave,
slagging randomn people with his cowardly rave,
sitting by his laptop away from harms way,
siting there like a fool all ginger and ghey

it was one day after their boards football game,
the gingers chimps saying, oh yuletired he's lame,
so he bent down to tie his pink foooball laces,
and got a kick in the hole, his favourite of places,

he shrieked in pleasure ooooh Dave that was nice,
and pulled down his shorts to further entice,
but it wasn't his lover who was standing behind,
but a guy called yuletired with a small axe to grind,

A retard you say, you redheaded fart?
he put his foot up his hole and held his legs like a cart,
so poor cardshark was in surgery, a disemboweled fag,
his G-spots been reclocated to a colostomy bag...

t'was the night before the arse operation........

opr

Epic stuff lol

Opr

Douglas Adams

Douglas Adams wrote:

I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they go by.

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the room,
Not a player was stirring, not even in gloom;
The cards were dealt by the dealers with care,
In hopes that a royal flush soon would be there.

The gamblers were huddled all smug in their chairs,
While visions of blackjack danced in their hairs;
And Luke in his best, and me and my frog,
Had just settled down for a long hard slog.

When out in the back there arose such a clatter,
I thought, settle down now, I'm sure it's no matter,
Away to the cards to see what I drew,
Under me palm, a seven and a two.

The cards of the flop on the new velvet cloth,
Made my face turn to grey as if I were goth;
For the cards that I just threw away in disgust,
Would've given me quads, not easy to bust.

I stepped out from the tourney to have a quick fag,
Only two minutes! Only a drag!
More rapid than eagles the big blinds came,
And before you knew it, I was out of the game.

"Ah Mother, Oh Mary, and Joseph and the rest!
How can this young lad become one of the best?"
I'll have to study, from books and the net,
I'll watch DVD's or get a casette!"

As I googled away with no ending in sight,
My eyes grew large, my eyes grew bright!
"Take your game to the next level" the slogan cried out!
Can this pokerswat thing help me end my drought?

And then, in a twinkling, I heard in the hall,
My hammered housemate, having a ball,
I drew my door shut, quiet like a mouse,
He crashed into my room, after my grouse.

He was dressed all in red, from his hat to his shoes,
He smelt like a drunk, he was covered in booze;
A bundle of cans he had flung on his back,
He looked like a junkie that had just smoked some crack.

He was slurring his words, there was no hope for a chat!
He'd had 6 cases of wine! That's nearly a vat!
His drunk little noggin was hanging down low,
And the snot on his nose was starting to show.

The end of a fag he held tight in his fist,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a mist;
He looked at my floor with a mischievous stare,
"Any chance of a whiskey? I see it right there".

It was Christmas eve, so I couldn't ignore him,
So I took two glasses, and then I poured them.
I had a whiskey for me and a water for him,
But he didn't notice as he's a little bit dim.

He spoke not a word, but went straight for the stairs,
Knocking over the plants; then turned with no cares;
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the stairs he rose.

He crept to his bed, though his bed he did miss,
And so he slept on the floor in innocent bliss;
But I heard him exclaim, ere he fell from his height,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night."

YULETIRED

YULETIRED wrote: »

It was the night before the arse operation
cardhark was trying for his last masturbation,
he had roundtower dressed in the gear of a gimp
and was trying to get hard but as usual was limp

so he went on the net and tried to be brave,
slagging randomn people with his cowardly rave,
sitting by his laptop away from harms way,
siting there like a fool all ginger and ghey

it was one day after their boards football game,
the gingers chimps saying, oh yuletired he's lame,
so he bent down to tie his pink foooball laces,
and got a kick in the hole, his favourite of places,

he shrieked in pleasure ooooh Dave that was nice,
and pulled down his shorts to further entice,
but it wasn't his lover who was standing behind,
but a guy called yuletired with a small axe to grind,

A retard you say, you redheaded fart?
he put his foot up his hole and held his legs like a cart,
so poor cardshark was in surgery, a disemboweled fag,
his G-spots been reclocated to a colostomy bag...

t'was the night before the arse operation........

I hardly remember writing this but I must say it WINS imo. cardshark thanks for the inspiration . I do hope your apre match shower is enjoyable for you., don't drop the soap lads

If there is justice and i win, I do not covet the prize so please award it to Ace2007 to make him a better degen, happy chimpmas everybody

meathman 007

ok so this comp is now closed. Some great contributions, Ill let Donal do the judging . Results on Monday.

semibluff

thanks everyone for your contributions.

Wille, your entry doesnt win unfortunately. Maybe you missed the initial intention of this thread.

To save this going off topic, can a mod please lock the thread and ill post the winners here when i geta chance.

Thanks all and hope you's had a happy Xmas

semibluff

The winners are below!

Congratulations to all those who won, and thank you to everyone who tried and didn't get there! Was very hard to pick, so sorry to those who didnt make it.

All you have to do is go to www.pokerswat.com and set up a new account under the Registered user section (free to join). if you can then email me at donal@pokerswat.com or pm me with your user name and email address you registered with and i will upgrade your account.

ITT-Pat
Loosecannon
The Snapper
Hosef
5star
Mr Plough
Kayroo
BubbleKing
DKKing
PapaSmut

Thank you again for all the entries, and i hope everyone is enjoying the Festive period!

Donal

RedJoker

Damn, I was sure I was going to win.

Sweet! Will reg now

Mr.Plough

hope they're in no particular order, because mine pwned everyone

The Snapper

Nice one

Mr.Plough

Mr.Plough wrote: »

hope they're in no particular order, because mine pwned everyone

I think they counted down ten to one :P

Flushdraw

RedJoker wrote: »

Damn, I was sure I was going to win.

me too! booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Tony_Montana

Flushdraw wrote: »

me too! booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

me too put my heart into it :rolleyes:

Flushdraw

Tony_Montana wrote: »

me too put my heart into it :rolleyes:

Especially as some people managed to miss BOTH deadlines and still get in ahead :rolleyes:

Tony_Montana

Flushdraw wrote: »

Especially as some people managed to miss BOTH deadlines and still get in ahead :rolleyes:

And there's one for everybody in the audience. Now that would make up for it :rolleyes: It is Christmas after All!

semibluff

As i already said it was very hard to pick the winners, so sorry to those who missed out.

We will be having a few more promotions in the near future so keep you eyes out for them.


So far we have received information for four of the winners, and their accounts should be updated accordingly. If the others can get on to me ASAP so we can get theirs sorted as i plan being away in Galway.

Thanks

semibluff

Hi - can everyone who won the membership here please let me know if they did/didnt receive their free membership? Just making sure we have everyone sorted. Thanks

Got it. Very useful but the videos are pretty slow to load.

Haven't received it yet

Mr.Plough

yeah i got it.

ITT-Pat

yep i got it

bubbleking

yup im sorted

5starpool

All good. Slow too though, but a lot of streaming media is for me sadly.

semibluff

new server in the next 10 days max should sort this

papa smut - ceck to see if u have bn upgraded and ill look into it.

thanks all and feel free to get involved in the forums with video feedback

dK1NG

All sorted for me too, cheers!

Hosef

Sorted, thanks:)