PokerSwat Xmas poem competition . . .

semibluff

To help bring a bit of festive cheer to all those at boards and as first of what hopefully will be many attempts of thanking boards.ie and all those in the community for providing the platform for PokerSwat to be launched, here's a fun competition for all to partake in . . .

"Re-word the famous "Night Before Christmas" poem to the themes of PokerSwat & christmas combined"

There are 10 memberships to the Platinum level of Pokerswat available (this allows you access all areas of the site) to the best 10 entrants. The closing date will be 24th of December! Those who put the most effort in should have the best chance!! (1 verse minimum)

For more information about PokerSwat please visit www.PokerSwat.com , read the About us section and the player bio's to give you some ammunition for the poem itself!

Below is the original poem in all its glory.

"

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night."

"

Good luck everyone!

Donal

meathman 007

Just wanted to add a little to what Donal posted above, its not just 1 month access to the platinum level. Its 10 x 3 months access to the Platinum level of membership for the winners of the comp. (Total value of ~ €1,000 and exclusive to boards members.

The first major update on the website will be taking place in the middle of January where all the issues our members pointed out will be rectified along with a host of new features (new high speed server, video player etc) and design updates to the site (including new logo etc).. Look out for a few new additions to our coaching team over the next month as well.

RedJoker

'Twas a week before Christmas, and I wanted free stuff,
I'm not going to pay anything I thought in a huff.
A stupid little verse should be easy to write,
And the PokerSwat Xmas poem competition, win it I might.

hotspur

RedJoker wrote: »

And the PokerSwat Xmas poem competition, win it I might.

Speaking like Yoda shouldn't be allowed in a poem competition imo

RedJoker

hotspur wrote: »

Speaking like Yoda shouldn't be allowed in a poem competition imo

"In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;"

Just following the original .

The Snapper

wow very slow response here :eek:

I really thought there would be a deluge of posts.

Will give it a shot later Donal. Ty for the nice offer.

cuterob

i'm trying to think of one.. tis tough

bubbleking

right im workin on it

ITT-Pat

'Twas the week before Christmas, I was playing on the web,
I was playing awful and felt like a pleb;
After losing my last buy-in, when my bluff got caught,
I decided I better learn from those at PokerSwat.

I had a chat with DocO and told him my plight,
He said: 'Pat you're not wrong, your play is just shite;
So he gave me his pricelist and a discount to boot,
It seemed very reasonalbe but I clearly had no loot.

Along came Christmas with its cold and crisp air,
With it was an offer which could save my despair;
So I wrote a tale about my poker woes,
And hopefully it will lead to me defeating my foes.

loosecannon

'Twas the night before Christmas & everywhere online
poker sharks & fish alike were spending their time
With just 8 session left before Santa Claus
there's no room anywhere for even a short pause

But alas my sessions go like every fecking one
my stack is el busto, mostly from under the gun
So I pray to the ghosts of Christmas Present & Past
to give me just one more chance, even be it my last

When the day comes there is only one way to go
to help me in my quest of becoming a poker pro
So I write to Santie with just one request
a subscription to Poker Swat to make me the best

So Hector & Andy, Dave Murray et al
dispense your genius with customary drawl
In six months Las Vegas will be there for the taking
A millionaire like Marty Smyth, here in the making

The Snapper

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
The Pokerswat students, were profiting via mouse;
The pwnings were awesome though not really fair,
Sure you’d think it was Marty sat in the chair;

Like candy from babies and bankrolls built handy,
Thank god these spewtards aren’t students of Andy;
Their crushing the games now, the fish think its smelly,
As a pokerswat student views the latest Hectorjelly;

Down to his last buy in a poor non subscriber,
Spots a thread on boards about pokerswat silver;
Enlightened he signs up and getting his wish,
The ipoker ocean had lost one more fish;

Worried that some of his edge he might yield,
An avid Swat pondering his future was pleased;
And embraced PLO seeking more BB/Hour,
Christmas had come thanks to Pokerswats Roundtower.

semibluff

Loving the replies so far guys. Keep 'em coming! As i mentioned this will run until the 24th (the night before Christmas )

Willie, El Stunt et al get your poetic hats on!!

Tony_Montana

Twas a week before Christmas when i was playing online
When i noticed the standard was starting to decline,
There were donkeys all in donking money away,
And here was the Pro watching all there sad play.

On my right was a call station calling away
And my monsters were been paid highly all day
On my left was a muppet who was in every pot
Oh Santa I wish i could always run this hot.

It was getting so easy i decided to stay
And I tuned into Poker Swat to watch Marty play
He was raising and reraising from every position
So everyone should buy it its a fabulous addition.

Hosef

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for my mouse.
4 tables arranged on the desktop with care,
For playing with overlap I just couldn’t bear

I knew in my heart that I should be in bed,
But I played on regardless, despite being card dead.
My focus was slipping, my play it was crap,
As I tilted my way to another mishap.

I paid no attention to the on-screen chatter,
They called me a fish, but it just didn’t matter.
I grimly hung in there, I wanted the cash,
But it just doesn’t happen when you limp in with trash

Enough is enough I cried, as I lost one more pot;
I need a subscription to join Poker Swat.
I’ll be a top student and all will be fine,
And I’ll win lots of money in 2009

semibluff

lol - its starting to heat up now!

5starpool

Twas the night before christmas, and all through the house,
Nothing was intact, not even a mouse.
Laptop, monitor, keyboard and desktop
All broken with cries of 'please let it stop'.

The beats they kept coming, one outers and two,
Til the poor poker player thought, what shall I do!
Shall I start cheating, shall I program a bot?
Should I dance with the devil, or join Pokerswat?

Well the choice was quite easy, the devil it is,
But just in time I realised the doomswitch was his.
The cheating, the bot, appeal they did not,
So on with the thinking cap, and off to pokerswat.

Big names and small, but all good players,
The videos there helped answer his prayers.
Doomswitch turned off, quoting Obama 'Yes I can',
Got 5starpool a subscription, not Donal a ban.

Mr.Plough

Twas a day after christmas, I'd slept through the lot,
after a 3 day session, played just like a bot
Down 34 buyins, depressing as hell
Leftover turkey sandwich, it went down so well

I'm back to busto, and so full of hate
Nothing to do, but masterbate
Rentboy for life, one of the best
Santas sperm, still on my chest

Logon to boards, and what do I see,
Some top quality coaching, 3 months for free
Shall have a wee punt, just before bed
One verse plus 4, just like Donal said

Christmas has passed, the tree's in a state
Pokerplayas vids, will up your winrate
I never liked drogheda, and his accent is rough
But it's safe to say that the guy knows his stuff

So heres my advice, listen if you dare
Although if you don't, I don't really care
Have a Pokerswat sub, placed under your tree
Or you'll end up a rentboy, busto like me

YULETIRED

meh it's Christmas..

Donal/Dom/Noel/Mick go mad at Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Fitz,
Not a creature was stirring, as they were all in bits,
The General were hung by braces upstairs,
and the Chief was lying still on the ground, his eyes in a stare.
The dealers were nestled as snug in the corner,
but Lucy got away as I got there to warn her,
And Denise placed her 'kerchief, over Adams cold head,
there were still 7 standing but 53 dead,

When outside on the street there arose such a clatter,
the getaway car had crashed in the gutter,.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
to see if by chance they had dropped any cash, .

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
a copcar that was checking all the drivers for beer,

With a little old driver, with an ordour of gick,
I knew in a moment it must be Some hick,
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called the villians by name;

"Now, Ace, now 5star now Puppy, Now Hayes,
we've rumbled your stealing and murdering game,
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Line you all up, you murdering scum one and all,


you guys were unlucky to get such a bad beat,
to have a member of the SWAT team tonight on the beat
he was helping the lads out as tonight was thier do,
and some of them off with a bit of blue flu.J


just 'cause your year went so bad, does it mean,
that you wantingly kill as you haven't a bean,
you have FAILED at the poker though you've tried every angle,
this Christmas the dinner bell will be the ol triangle.

semibluff

actually LOL'd hard there! nice to see all the productive work going on - gotta love mondays!

Flushdraw

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Nothing was moving, except for my mouse
Clickity click is all you could hear
And in the background, the sipping of beer.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds
On boards i decided to start a new thread
Deucescracked and cardrunners, what do you think?
First reply was from Semibluff, "they both really stink"

So i said to him, "Donal what do you mean"
He said "Come join us, we'll make you some green"
ok so i thought, what site have you got?
"The best of them all, its called Pokerswat"

So i took a quick look, and joined up that day
Some familiar names, like RT and HJ
These days i am happy and winning a lot
Big thanks to the guys, from site "Pokerswat"

Now I know what you're thinking, as I start off my rhyme
"Twas the night before Christmas" should be the first line.
But, lo, hold your scoldings, as I tell you a tale,
Of coaches a-training, their new site unveiled.

Many sat faithful, alone with pm
To ask for some coaching, to ask it of them.
And clasping their eyes as tight as they dare
They looked in their pm's to see what was there.

So many downhearted, alone in their quest
They got no replies; snubbed by the best.
"Where have they gone to" the players would say
Ne'er a coach to be found around here these days.

The mystery continued, the seasons did change
People still asked what other meant by "range".
And waiting and wondering, alone by their screens
A new group of degens, felt stripped of their dreams.

But hark, listen closely! A soft sound from far
The coming of PokerSwat! Hoorah! Hoorah!
Gone now the darkness, come now the light
Away with the ignorance which has been our blight.

But who are these coaches, to bring us the news
Of how to stop leaking, how to not lose?
Among them is Hector, Terken and Bas
Although its not always what you'd think, Pokergirls a lass?

With Roundtower, Spider and Pokerplaya
The wisdom of ages is sure to be there.
But remember young grasshopper, if you should fail
Away you shall go, away to the rail.

And then as you stand there, a message will call
To remind the young grasshopper of his new-found fall
Hearing banter from the table, it will become clear
"If you'd signed up to PokerSwat, then you'd be here!"

bubbleking

T’was the night before Christmas and my God was I Pissed
Id just done another buy-in on a big draw that missed
The fish they were plentiful small stacks and big
As I cursed online poker - it has to be rigged?

So down to my last monkey and sick to my belly
Along came help in the form of hectorjelly
Although I was poor and pleased he was not
He’d provide some help via Pokerswat

Id learn how to 3-bet and 4 bet really light
Id watch every video if it took me all night
With Roundtower and Marty applying their trade
It looks like PLO is where real money is made

Although Drogheda accents are hard enough to bear
His advice is golden - take a bow Pok3rplayer
So now sitting at the tables il no longer have a conniption
As hopefully iv just won myself a Pokerswat subscription

So 2009 is the year I’ll finally ship the loot
I hope to be a member of the platinum club to boot
Now begging is wrong in fact its worse than a sin
But come on Donal its Christmas - please let me win

seanybiker

kayroo's one was me favourite so far. All of em are good though. Best of luck everyone

Get In There

I'm only after reading this thread and I'd enter this by posting my entry in the form of a youtube clip of me signing without any subtitles or captions, as to put the shoe on the other foot but meh i'm too hungover to bother. Moral of my post- pokerswat, introduce optional subtitles in your videos please, you'd accomodate those who are not yet fluent with the english language as well as deaf ppl like myself. Merry xmas

meathman 007

some great ones so far, we have decided to entend this to St Stephens day, so get posting if you havnt already.

Happy Holidays from Donal and I along with the rest of the PokerSwat staff and coaches.

cooker3

It was the night before Christmas and I was contemplating bed
But then suddenly I came across a thread
A competition to write a poem for pokerswat
Rhyming words and grammatically correct sentences was asking a lot

I googled, I thought. I looked for inspiration
I went through every poem, every word and examined their formation
But all this was pointless as something was offay
sh1t, I just realised it's already Christmas day

semibluff

As Anthony said, few more days if anyone wants to join in the fun! TY for everyone who sent in a reply, good laugh and really enjoyable!

and more importantly than anything . . .

Twas the night before Xmas, and best wishes all of boards!!

Donal, Anthony and all of Pokerswat!

cooker3

Ah, your extension ruined my whole poem!

semibluff

its all gravy - ur poem's merit stands!


now go to bed, santa is on his way

ferdyfish

how mush does a platinum membership usually cost??
just read the second post found my answer 20euro a month or 19.99 to be exact!

Grafter

Twasn't the night before Christmas, coz my timing is sh1te,
I've been drinking all day and my eyes they are bright,
The stockings were flung by the desk without care,
I wanted the biz done and her out of there.

The game is still running, the antes are close,
So boardsies are playing, there are bluffs to expose.
I can't win a race and my confidence is draining,
Time to grovel to Poker Swat for training.