7-year girlfriend - over in 1 month - I don't understand

LegacyUser

Ok here we go.. hold on tight..

Im 28, Im from a farming background (to be explained later on)

I started going out with this girl 7 years ago who was good looking and good crack, and we got on perfect/amazing together..The only problem was that she never ever met my parents in all the time that we were going out together..Now i know 99 % of you are going to go (" what the f**k") and thinking about it now i would say the exact same thing..hindsight is a great thing.

But at the time i was 21 and she was 19..we were young at the time..The reason i did not introduce her to my parents was because i was brought up by my mother (who is a bit of a dictator) who thought that nobody would be good enough for me, unless they had plenty of land, money and came from a very very good background..This was drilled into me from a very early age in life..She was probably also afraid that whoever i met would try and take the farm, business away. This was also ingrained into me from an early age. So really i was afraid to bring anyone home, because i thought they would not be good enough for her and she would not approve of them..Basically i was a coward because i was bullied by her, into her way of thinking. So this is why i did not bring my girlfriend home to see my parents.

So my girlfriend agreed with this and we spent 7 happy years together even though my mother kind of knew i was seeing her, but would never recognise this fact, and i never really told her what i was doing.. It was wrong i know, but i guess i never had the guts to admit up to her who my girlfriend was..

So then the crunch time came on me!!!! She wanted to travel for a year with her friend so she could think about us and also to see the World, and decide what we should do..I kind of thought, if she wants to go off, well then let her " I dont care" was my attitude..Big mistake..Hindsight is a great thing again..

I took everything for granted with my girlfriend, and i probably didnt treat her as well as i should have, or she would have liked. For example bringing her out for meals and being romantic etc etc..but she still loved me and i loved her..She had ambitions to buy a house together, and settle down but im on a pretty crap salary,, this was also my mothers way of bullying me, because she wanted me to have nothing. She was afraid of me having any kind of power or control.

So the time came for her to go (MAY), and i did nothing,,i didnt book any tickets or make any plans..The day came for her to leave and she left in tears, and so did I..I went home that day and i was so SAD and felt SO BAD within myself.. I ended up taking it out on my mother, and had a massive row with her. I told her everything about my girlfriend, and that i was sick of hiding behind her back, and that i was not sticking it anymore and i packed my bags and walked out to the roadside,,She was in bits crying and begged for me to come back..and so i did..

This was the turning point. My mother knew i was not going to take her bullying anymore, and i felt great about it. So i called my girlfriend within 3 days of her leaving, and explained exactly what had happened, she was delighted with what had happened, and was thrilled that i had eventually stood up to her at last. We arranged that i go and see her in November, mainly because the summer time, is the time i am most busy, with the harvest etc..

Within 2 weeks of this call, she e-mailed me and asked had i booked any flights..My reply was "No" because i thought November was a good bit away, and also because im probably a little slow at booking things straight away..

THIS IS THE IMPORTANT BIT...

We stayed talking for the next couple of days via Facebook and i noticed that she started putting up these pictures of this guy, she met out there.. The thing is I actually set up her Facebook Account and i knew her password..I know it was wrong of me and I shouldnt have done it,,but I looked up her email messages,,This guy was only on his last month of traveling out there, he is from England..He somehow convinced her that I was the wrong choice for her and what i think is, is that he used me as ammunition so he could get with her.. And it worked..

The thing was I read her emails without her knowing, and discovered that she had actually slept with him and was with him within the last month of him being on his trip..So he went back to england and she continued on with her trip,,So I rang her and I asked her what the story/situation was with this random bloke, that she had met. I told her i had read her emails and knew everything with what had happened. I discovered that this guy wanted to come back to see her again, on her trip and I said to her its either him or me..I told her that i was wrong, with letting her go in the beginning..She said to me that there was better people out there than me, and so she told me not to come over.. She wanted to keep in contact via email, which i agreed too..So between the jigs and the reels of it, the guy from england came back over to see her for a month, in September..I was very pissed off..

So after that month was over, she decided to move back to england with this guy, whom she had only know for 2 MONTHS, and is now living with him..

Im totally shellshocked, by the whole thing.. 7 YEARS TOGETHER and she gives it all up for some guy, that she knows for 2 MONTHS...........I dont understand....Im disgusted that she did this, and heartbroken..I cant understand how she could suddenly stop loving me, and all of a sudden take up with this random bloke..Maybe I did leave it too late, but she knows deep down that i still love her..But now i am never in contact with her, and i havent seen her since the day she left me, in MAY..

So here are my questions

Is this totally crazy or insane madness??
Is she insecure to jump in so quick??
Has she anything between the ears??
What is She thinking??
Was it me that was wrong??
What should I Do??
Should I forget about her??

Im Lost............................................

Mullah

First impression?

Your mother appears in your post an awful lot.

MagicMarker

Unregistered wrote: »

Should I forget about her??

Yep.

You've allowed your mother to practically control your life and you've finally stood up to her, don't fall into the same trap with this other woman.

Wibbs

Honesty time....

I ended up taking it out on my mother, and had a massive row with her. I told her everything about my girlfriend, and that i was sick of hiding behind her back, and that i was not sticking it anymore and i packed my bags and walked out to the roadside,,She was in bits crying and begged for me to come back..and so i did..

This was the turning point. My mother knew i was not going to take her bullying anymore, and i felt great about it. So i called my girlfriend within 3 days of her leaving, and explained exactly what had happened, she was delighted with what had happened, and was thrilled that i had eventually stood up to her at last.

That wasn't a turning point. Not by a long shot. You caved in under emotional blackmail from your mother. simple as. It sounded like one and your ex hoped it was, but then leaving actually going to your ex on the long finger proved to her, you weren't going to put your money where your mouth is. At that point, she knew deep down nothing, or very little was going to change. At that point she started to look elsewhere. She didn't leave you when she went of with this bloke, that process of disconnect happened way before. Whatever respect she had for you fell away and with that any attraction or hope for a future with you. OK she probably said she still loved you and you would have had some hope if you had gone to her and shown her the change, but you let that pass.

Is this totally crazy or insane madness??

No. I think he could well be a rebound. She has jumped into moving in quite quickly, but then again she's likely at that point in her life where she wants to settle down. Late 20's is a common enough time with women. This ex of yours has only had two long termers in her so her experience is limited. Hopefully he's a good man and that she's not there just because he treats her somewhat better than you apparently did.

Is she insecure to jump in so quick??

Hardly quick mate. She was with you for seven years waiting for you to grow a spine and defend her and nurture her in a relationship. I would say she was insecure, but not in the way you mean.

Has she anything between the ears??

Yes she has. I would have advised her to bail long before tbh.

What is She thinking??

She's probably thinking, "I loved X but was tired of not being recognised by his family, tired of waiting for 7 years and now I've met a guy who at least I respect and feel attracted to because of that, I hope he's a good one". That probably sums it up.

Was it me that was wrong??

In every relationship it always takes two to tango, but in this case I would say it was more you. I think she should have been more forceful with you early on about the whole mother thing, but in the end of the day that was your job really. Not very PC to say, but you are a man and men have to realise at some point that the status quo needs a shakeup. In particular if the woman in your life needs that. She waited for 7 years for change.

What should I Do??

You need to re examine your ife and where its going. Do you want to wait until your mother passes away before you start to live your life? That's essentially what it boils down to. You will find it next to impossible to find a woman, any woman that will put up with that. I guarantee that if you do meet someone else you're going to have this all over again. Your mother will not want anyone taking her power over you away. So you see, you saying that there was a turning point is completely wrong. In fact the turning point happened, but in your mothers favour. Don't believe me? Who "won" then? You've no girlfriend, your mother has you. That's a great "turning point" indeed.

Should I forget about her??

Yes. Now people do go back with exes, sometimes years down the line and I know some very good relationships that come out of that. Indeed some of the better ones. But in this case why should she? Nothing has changed. She appears to have a future with this guy(or the next). What will have changed if she came back? I would say nothing much. Yes you may convince your mother to keep a civil tongue in her head around the ex if she did come back, but that pressure would still be there.

Im lost

Only if you don't look at the map of your life up to now. You can see the issue and it's likely to be there again and again. You know where you are as of this moment. Time to look and see if you can create a new map as it were.

LegacyUser

Honestly -

Yes while it sucks for you and yes she may have jumped too soon it's really no longer any of your concern. She's a big girl and from the sounds of it she deserves a lil romance. This guy swept her off her feet and after 7 years of lil romance from you she was smitten. It's completely understandably why she did what she did.

You need to move on. Chances are your ex and the new guy mightn't last in the long term. But they may well do. It's pure speculation. Obviously they have a connection. It seems unlikely she will ever come back to you. Even if her and the fella break up, she'll have probably decided she wants a bf who doesn't care quite so much what his mother thinks and doesn't have as many issues.

I'm sure you're a nice bloke and you'll find someone again. It just strikes me that you've been asleep for years. And the ex moving away woke you up. You won't make the same mistakes again - like not treating girls they way they'd like to be treated once in a while and not introducing a serious gf to your family. Tbh if I'd been your gf I'd have left ages ago and I have to say she made the right decision to go have some fun while she's still in her 20s.

MIN2511

So she decided to move on and you can't understand why?
There were 3 of you in the relationship.
Its not all about inheritance or your family's money. You need to decide what you want with your life, its your life not your mother's. You are 29, i think its time you decide what you want.

themadchef

7 years is a long time. It's very easy for us to say "get over it" but really she's gone to England with the guy, there's not alot you can do.


You can let your ex know exactly how you feel, tell her you understand, but, if things aren't going to change with you on the home front, things haven't really changed at all for her. This may well be a fling for her, but that doesn't mean she will come back to you.

If you want to have any decent relationship in the future you must be in charge of your own life.

The Corinthian

Unregistered wrote: »

So after that month was over, she decided to move back to england with this guy, whom she had only know for 2 MONTHS, and is now living with him..

Rebound. Some people don't know how to break up with someone without being able to be with someone else. In short, her new relationship facilitated her ending her old one with you.

delly

It sounds like a missed opportunity for a life long partner I'm afraid. If it wasn't for your girlfriend leaving for a year, then she may be still with you but it gave her the chance to see what a restrictive relationship she was in and gave her the push she needed. Your argument with your mother was about 6 years 11 months too late and unfortunately your going to have to chalk this up to a life learned lesson.

I have no doubt that she still loves you, but people who are in love break up every day for different reasons. Its a hard thing to do and may be one reason why you had such a long relationship.

Wibbs

The Corinthian wrote: »

Rebound. Some people don't know how to break up with someone without being able to be with someone else. In short, her new relationship facilitated her ending her old one with you.

Bingo and very common too. These rebounds can last for years too. This goes double for a person with little experience of what an adult relationship is. At 28 I would suspect it'll last a while too.

Bottle_of_Smoke

You have my sympathies. It's a sh*t thing to happen and although you made mistakes by not standing up for yourself, your mother didn't make your life easy

Try not to become embittered(won't do you any good)

Take a holiday yourself. I'd recommend something along the lines of living in hostels in Europe for a few weeks. You need to get away from everyone right now. Australia might be better if you can afford it.

Try not to live in the past. You need to move forward. You're still young, it could be a lot worse.

JMULL

Good enough for ya

Wibbs

JMULL helpful posts only. That wasnt one. Please read the charter before posting in future.

Wagon

Quit working on the farm and leave it all behind. Including your mother. It was a sad read. Also, forget your ex. If she wants to go for some sleazy bastard let her, it's her choice. That's the least of your worries though, you need to get your own life sorted.

LegacyUser

OP, you seem perplexed that your ex could have given up the amazing relationship she had with you for some johnny-come-lately who, let's see:
Has interests in common with her (travelling)
Likes companionship and commitment (happy to move in together)
Shows her how much he's into her (went back over from England to spend a month with her)

Sorry but it's really not that surprising. Sure it may be a simple rebound and may not last. Doesn't change the fact that she wasn't getting what she needed from the relationship with you. It sounds almost like you feel she owed you something after the 7 years in which, by the sound of it, she showed you she was interested in commitment (house buying etc) and you shot her down or constantly put her off, then getting her hopes up promising to visit and then showing yourself to be once more ineffectual by letting it slide.

She already gave you those 7 years and you gave her the impression you weren't bothered.

cmcsoft

First of all let me say it's very easy for us to sit on the fence and point out all the mistakes yo've made etc. At the end of the day it's a very hard situation to be in and you have my condolonces.

There's a reason that you've come to this point in your life, some of which from you're post you seem to recognise yourself. You were meandering along with this girl in what I usually call passive bliss where she has put up with a lot to stay with you. Let's face it we all get lazy and take our eye of the ball sometimes and don't make as much effort as we should but sometimes when that goes too far it bites us in the ass.

I understand you're home situation, i've seen it with friends of my own, the farm won't be signed over til the parents are gone and you're barely surviving on measly pay and you're life slowly passes you by and you ultimately could end up alone.

You're now in a position to make right some of the mistakes you've made. If you are going to stick with the farm you need you're own independance. That has to be priority. Maybe you should move out (I think you probably should). Rent somewhere near. You're 28, it's time. As for you're ex it's really up to you. Make a decision. If you really want her you could go get her but that's you're call. And I will strees you could go over there and get told you're wasting your time and she really has gotten over you. At least then it's closure.

Alternatively you can draw a line in the sand now, break all contact and start again. It's one of those two, don't waste your life pining.

Best of luck, I hope it works out for you, I really do.

FizzyBubbly

Unregistered wrote: »

I started going out with this girl 7 years ago who was good looking and good crack, and we got on perfect/amazing together..The only problem was that she never ever met my parents in all the time that we were going out together.

my mother (who is a bit of a dictator) who thought that nobody would be good enough for me, unless they had plenty of land, money and came from a very very good background..
So my girlfriend agreed with this and we spent 7 happy years together even though my mother kind of knew i was seeing her,

I took everything for granted with my girlfriend, and i probably didnt treat her as well as i should have, or she would have liked. For example bringing her out for meals and being romantic etc etc.

You did really well for finally sticking up to your mother.Well done, no one should have to feel bullied like that.

As for your girlfriend she has been with you since she was 19, you are probably the only man she has been with, yes she agreed to staying away from your mother, but im sure when she said that she never thought she would be in the background for 7 years.
Everyone makes mistakes in love, you have to learn from this and move on.
She may have stayed to make a life with you if you had put her and your relationship first, you say she spole of buying a home, maybe marriage....she stuck around as long as she could , she is soon to be 30.she probably decided as things had not changed with you that she cant depend on you to make her future, she had to go out and grab life herself.I definitely think she is on the rebound, but she should explore her options before settling down with someone.In your post you ask questions as though it was a wife or equal life partner that left you. Thats not what happened, you took her for granted, im sure she felt you must have been ashamed of her.And if some guy told me that "his mother thought that nobody would be good enough for him, unless they had plenty of land, money and came from a very very good background.." then i would think to myself hmmm, he thinks i am not good enough?

You never made a strong commitment to her, after she comitted to you for 7 years, and you let her walk out of your life so easily and acted like you didnt care.....SHE must be devastated.

Jesus, what a nightmare. I know mothers are extremely important people (I have one and I love her) but you're a young man and even at 19, you should have matured and developed into a man and stopped this "thing" with your mother being so protective of you. I don't blame your mother for being protective (that's her role, and a lot of women would be interested in a guy like yourself with lots of land and money) but seriously, it's like you were asleep for the past 7 years and just let this go on. Did you not just think of opening your eyes and asking yourself what you were involved in? And if you did love this girl, would you not consider doing something to involve your girlfriend with your mother and at least TRY to do something? Mothers and girlfriend don't have to get along, but it's handy if they do. Mothers are protective, your mother is over-protective but if your girlfriend was a nice girl as I'm sure she was, why wouldn't you bring her home?

I'm really confused by this.

As for the new fling, your girlfriend probably feels like a celebrity as this English guy probably introduced her to his mother and they probably hit it off and that's why she feels so good and moved in with him so quick. You do have a chance to make this right, but not now. You may have another chance when it goes pear shaped with the English guy (as i predict). But in the mean time, you have to accept this is your fault and look at the positives, you're single so try move on and enjoy your times with friends etc.

Sprouts

You have to forget her completely now pal, erase her number and all her contact info, she has moved on so you have to as well. Don't dwell on this it won't do you any good. There are so many great girls out there. Get out and about. 7 years is a long time, its not a waste if you have learned a couple of lessons from it, I think you have. Everybody gets hurt but its how you pick yourself up that shows what kind of a person you are, take the knocks and carry on.

mcka24

Aw, sure God Love Ya...

Come on dude, get out there, get a bit of decent punanee and have the craic and banter! Thats exactly what I did when it happened to me. Move out, get your independence and I guarantee you you will meet someone within 6months of this life changing move.

You'll look back on this at some stage and say why was I such an idiot to spend so much time thinking about the past when I could have used that time to plan for the future.

Make up your mind, make the necessary changes in your life and you'll soon reap the benifits. Go, on stick it in! :P :eek:

Firetrap

Oh dear. I feel sorry for you. Regrets aren't going to help you now. All you can do is brush yourself down, make changes in your life that will help you and get on with your life. Hopefully in time you'll meet someone else and this time, you won't make the same mistakes.

trishasaffron

Seriously - I mean it! I'm a good bit older than you and have seen lots of guys with the kind of mother you describe. Its your job to get out from under her - otherwise it doesn't end prettily -DO IT NOW - even if it means leaving the land.

Miap

You say deep down she knows you love her but does she did you actually take the time to tell her this or are you just assuming she knows. Even when you knew this guy was going to meet up with her again you didnt make the effort to visit her so what is a girl supposed to think!! Big gestures are corny at times but cn be necessary! I think maybe you should move on learn from your mistakes and remember actions speek louder than words!

Lochaber

Just echoing what many have said really... this is something that happens to a lot of people... especially when you get together young...

It wasn't over in a month... it was probably over years ago and she never had the guts to walk away... walking away means admitting that you were wasting your time... no-one likes to do that. I'm sure she did love you and she really did hope that things would change, that you guys would buy a house and get married and all that... she waited for years for you and what did she get?

Anyway you know this already so I don't want to try to make you feel worse... just to say that this guy is probably a rebound... and moving to England and moving in with him? she just needed to get away from you really. Don't imagine she's over you - she's not. But don't hold out any hope either, coz all she wants is to be over you and if this guy can distract her then she'll go with this for a while... she's probably thinking it's fun for now and who knows, maybe it will turn into something.

So what now? Well... for the record - because it probably will cross your mind at some point - neither of you were wasting your time for the last 7 years. Ok, it didn't end well but I'm sure you had some great times along the way and you really just have take what you can from the experience. Actually what you should take from this is that you need communicate with your girlfriend (err.. not this one, the next one) honestly, she was probably unhappy for ages and you just didn't know... you can never assume that everything is fine just because you haven't heard otherwise. You are actually supposed to read our minds. Nah just joking, obviously you can't read a girl's mind... that's why you have to ask!!

Anyway it's a pretty horrible thing to happen but sometimes that's just how it goes, two to tango and all that... I hope it all works out for you, I guess my advice is to forget about her and move on... I don't really have any advice about your mother, I don't know much about that kind of family thing....

Best of luck.

SharkWound

Jesus, thats a really sad story..You must have been through hell for the last few months.. All you can do now is try to forget about her, break all contact and move on..

Allthough, this is easier said than done, it seems to me like the only logical solution, given the predicament that you are now faced with..We all reach these crossroads in our lives, and it is up to YOU to decide which way to go..

You are not approaching a crossroad, you are actually right in the middle of it..My advice would be this

1. Get a salary sorted out..Get your own car if you dont allready have one..I presume you are using your parents or maybe im wrong..

2. Be more mature and act like a man and not a child.. Gain more independence from you mother, by making your own decisions in life..

3. Break all contact with your ex-girlfriend..Nothing is going to change now at this stage..

4. Move out of home for good and gain some freedom from your being under your mothers rule..Learn how to look after yourself and be self-reliant..Remember look after number 1.

5. Dont take the next girlfriend for granted, she might be the next long life partner..And treat her well, Go the extra mile to make her happy, and suprise her every so often - be a little romantic with her, and keep the spark alive.

6. If you dont make serious changes right now today - you will find yourself stuck in the same RUT for the rest of your days on the farm.. Do you really want to end up being an old lonely bachalor..

7. Keep the chin up and move on... Onto the next yeeeeehaaaaaa....:)...

cantdecide

You should have gone travelling with her.

You need a life transplant. You also need a new woman now and you need to worship the ground she walks on- that's what they need from you. You need to compromise instead of playing some complicated long term game with family farm.

Either that or find another complicated farmer's daughter...

I'm sure we all hate to be blunt but you can't have a complicated back story AND a woman who will simply play second fiddle to a farm and a mother.

Hooked

I think you're wrong on 2 counts there. He should not have gone traveling with her and he does not need another woman. At least not straight away.

If he had gone travelling, it would, most likely have delayed the inevitable. The relationship may well have been over long before she hopped on the plane.

Why would she use a facebook account that HE set up to share all the gorey details about the sex with mr "1 month". Simple. So the now ex boyfriend could discover them. And the reason he went looking for that confirmation. Equally simple. He knew deep down what he was going to find.

The OP needs to break free from his mother and it looks like he's finally in the process of taking control of his life. What he needs now is time to reflect on his past, make proactive changes and LEARN from this. Not wish he'd gone with her or jump into the next bed/relationship. That sort of thinking changes nothing.

OP, take some time out to get to know yourself. You've spent 7 years hiding from your mother and fell into the dreaded "routine" of a relationship. Leaving little or no time for YOU.

It's the oldest cliche going, but time will heal.

Cut all contact with your ex please. Chalk it down to one of lifes experiences. Lochaber makes some great points. Learn from this. If we never made mistakes, we'd never learn to do it right the next time...

And remember, we're only here for a good time, not a long time!

Dob74

I think you are more to blame than her and I have only heard your side of the story. On checking her emails, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. You definatly should of gone travelling with her but hindsight is 20/20. I also think you drove her into his arms by comforting her with her with the fact you know about them. She may have only wanted a fling with someone when she was travelling The only thing you can hope for is that it doesn't work out between them. She'll probably be back for christmas so don't go physco. Play it as cool as you can. I actually feel very sorry for you, but you cant change the past. If she doesnt or if she does come back, leave your mother and move away for a while. Anywhere would be good.

dotsman

Why are most people here blaming the OP? His girlfriend cheats on him and it's his fault?

Would people be saying the same thing if the roles were reversed? Only today in the examiner was a huge article on men cheating (inspired by Gordan Ramsey). Basically - Gordon's mistress was saying that of course men cheat if their wives don't pay attention to them and cater to their needs (which is a bit of a generalisation in my opinion), but of course all the female journalists were freaking at this thought. Yet, it's now the OP's fault because he didn't pay enough attention to his girlfriend!

Where was his girlfriend during those 7 years? Why didn't she say anything and work things out. If the situation was so bad for her why didn't they discuss it and if unable to resolve it break up with him? Instead, she goes off travelling and into the arms of the first bloke she meets? It takes 2 for a relationship to fail, but only one to cheat. I have no problem with her breaking up with the OP if she was unhappy, but to cheat on him while still going out with him is entirely her choice. And HER fault.

OP, you do have issues with your own life. You do have issues with your mother. But at least you recognise this and that is the critical first step. Forget about this slut and move on with your life.

The good news is that you're 28. The prime of your life. After such a long term relationship (especially one that started so young), go out there and enjoy your new-found single life (You're now a free agent:D). Don't look at this as a bad thing. Don't hate her or get upset thinking about her. Just draw the line on the past, and remember the good times. And look forward to the future.

Once you have your life sorted (financially and with your mom), and you've enjoyed the single life for a bit, then you can look forward to meeting the real love of your life. And having learned from your mistakes, and become a bit more mature (both of which you are starting to do), you can give this new girl all the attention she deserves and have a much stronger relationship.

Rowley Birkin QC

It's not as easy to walk away from a farm as some posters here seem to think.

Women troubles aside it's the OPs inheritance and occupation.

Bob the Builder

I say either get rid of your mother or stand up to her.
But leaving aside the issue of the girl...
This problem arose because you have problems 'outside the box' that moved 'inside the box'.

I can sit here, and I can tell you that it is your fault. But here's the problem - I've never walked one footstep in your shoes, and people have to realise that. You'll get opinions here, but they will be based on other people's individual experiences and personal situation. I recognise that.

You were quite obviously suppressed by your mother. She had the upper hand, and she placed more value on your material wealth after her death rather than your happiness. So you're already out on the wrong foot.

So yes, you are on a low wage, and you're destined to take over the farm, but why are you allowing minor issues like this to stop you. You are 28 years old, and now the only thing you have planned for the future is that you are going to be the owner of the farm after your mother's death.

While you had the woman, that was the second thing that was keeping you going, the second thing you had planned for your future - but you're two targets in life clashed. You could only achieve one of them successfully and you never had the balls to stand up to your mother, and you never had the hindsight to take good care of your woman. As Wibbs has said, the turning point here, in this situation has been in the favour of your mother.

In a sense, your girlfriend was only half the issue.
So this brings you to a dead end..
What do you do?

Well, here's what you do - you forget about this girl for the moment at least. Rebounding and emotional injury will be suffered on both sides and whatever possibility of getting back together that ye have, will not happen now for the moment at least.

Set targets in life. Aim to enhance your education and increase your income. Aim for a better job. Then you will become less reliant on your mother, and you will be free to look after yourself, and who knows? Maybe you will have a future with your her again sometime down the road. But concentrate on yourself first.

EDIT: And also, please do make sure in the mean time that you don't go rebounding with other girls that you *don't* like or with alcohol or anything like that, coz' then you'll just screw it up for everyone, but mostly yourself.

nobodythere

That's crushing, and many of the posters have been extremely tough on you. Let me get this straight: You were still going out with her while she did this yes? If so it's an absolutely rotten thing to do.

Show no mercy to her, cut off contact and do what SharkWound said.

Tough times ahead but you'll get through it

mumhaabu

Cut off the mammy and the ex, 7 years is an incredible amount of both your lives to have wasted. You need to become more independent and stop allowing your mother to control your life. If your father is around/alive etc. what is his opinion. I see this often with Mothers controlling their Daughters but for a son to allow it is terrible. Grow a pair of balls and stop this egotistical woman ruining your life. If you don't act now you will suddenly wake up in 2030 as a lonely middle aged man with a dog for company and have missed out on the fun things in life.

best of luck buddy, make the break in January and you will pick up another girl easily anough, the good ones will not be after your money but your heart, once you make the effort and try to do the right things they will come to you. Get a car (not bangerish) togheter and lose the farmer apparel and get out there!!

brendansmith

Sorry to hear that OP, its been a pretty lousy ride for you.

Chin up, youll know better next time.

Dob74

dotsman wrote: »

Why are most people here blaming the OP? His girlfriend cheats on him and it's his fault?

Yeah and all those woman who are beaten up by there partners. Its there fault for not showing them enough respect.

If you are going out with someone for 7 years and don't introduce them to your family. You have serious problems not her. Why would she stay around and be treated like sh;t?

[Jackass]

OP the sad thing is 7 years is a long time, you can't hold down a relationship for that long without giving it serious priority and a future.

She went away and probably thought "Holy Sh*T!!! I can go out and do what I want, I'm meeting people who give me all their attention

Meanwhile at home she was used to "Sorry mammy says I have to go home and milk the chickens". It's mental man!!

If you want her back really bad, I would suggest you contact her and spill the beans on this. Tell her how you can't believe how naieve you were and while you always had her first in your mind you realise how you didn't show it. Tell her what she wants to hear and mean it. Tell her you've moved out of home, tell her you're looking for a new job (mammy will find another farm boy - there's people begging for work out there) tell her you want to live together / get married / whatever you want and that the old farm closed off life is behind you and you want her to be a part of it.

Also tell her that while she really hurt you by going off with somebody else, you understand it (you should if you read back your post) and don't particularly blame her, but want to give her the great life she deserves.

She might come back. But then she might have tasted a new life that she doesn't think you can give her, so you need to figure out what that is, put yourself in that place then ask her to join you.

It's tough man and I feel for you. Having just come out of a (not so long compared to you) term relationship, the only way to sum up the next few months is a nightmare - blaming yourself, being lonely, trying to fill a massive void left by the connection you once had that's gone - I like you took somebody for granted and for the first time have learnt a lesson I'll never forget. But if you feel this person is the right one for you, you can turn it around. It if it's right that you move on after everything that has happened then just suck it up and walk the long hard mile. We all have to do it at least once, and as a man half way up the path, I can't wait to get out of it, but I'll be glad when I do.

evil-monkey

all I can say are two things;

1. Ouch. That is f*cking harsh. Dude. Listen to me - forget the b*tch. If she would do that, after 7 years, go shack up with some homewrecker that will without a doubt f*ck her over, then good luck to her. Her loss. She will some day come knocking on the door, I guarantee it - be sure to slam it in her face. It's gona be very hard to get over this man, but you have to. Do not dwell on someone like that.

2. About time you grew a pair and put your mother in her place. Harsh but true.

All the best man.

cowzerp

You should not blaming your ma, you make your own decisions and consciously decided to treat your girl as a bit on the side, more like a mistress than a girlfriend, she finally got some kop on and realised she deserved better than that..Hard lesson learned..

stop been a mammys boy and take the blame and like a man..hard luck. now move on.

Gareth37

Unregistered wrote: »

Is this totally crazy or insane madness??
Is she insecure to jump in so quick??
Has she anything between the ears??
What is She thinking??
Was it me that was wrong??
What should I Do??
Should I forget about her??

Im Lost............................................

Thats very very sad. You build up a relationship with somebody for 7 years and then they decide that you don't deserve their love.

I think society is crazy and she seen greener grass. My guess is that she will never get married or end up regretting this. You must not be too angry and depressed about it since she was tricked a little by another man trying to take advantage. Probably a smooth talker that knew the right things to say to twist her mind away from you and into his hands.

The lack of love and respect for you is terrible. Forgive her but move on and don't lose the run of things. Keep your head together.

It wasn't you that was wrong, it is the way society and life is these days. Relationships are mostly based on excitement, looks, image, materials etc and sure we all know that anything based on these don't last. I genuinely think that you cared in the right way for her but that she was easily led astray.

What you do is be strong anyway. Have no doubts that how you have acted was genuine care for her and the relationship.

You cannot forget about someone you spend 7 years with. She may come back to you again and you may even get married etc and be stronger than ever but you must be strong and view the bigger picture.

I hope you get peace, I know it can't be easy but try to stay mentally strong

Wibbs

Gareth37 wrote: »

Thats very very sad. You build up a relationship with somebody for 7 years and then they decide that you don't deserve their love.

Ehhhhhh what? He didnt build a relationship up for 7 years. If he did she would still be with him. He didn't show his commitment to her in practical ways. I think 7 years shows her patience in a difficult situation.

I think society is crazy

I'm glad for you. Take it to humanities.

and she seen greener grass.

I agree.

My guess is that she will never get married or end up regretting this.

Great crystal ball you have there. I totally disagree. Utter nonsense in fact.

You must not be too angry and depressed about it

True, he should look, really look at his life anew though.

since she was tricked a little by another man trying to take advantage.

Or a man who wanted her for a partner. Maybe even a wife Gasp! :rolleyes:

Probably a smooth talker that knew the right things to say to twist her mind away from you and into his hands.

So smooth talk can trump a solid relationship and love? Not a very high regard you have for love or women for that matter. She left because she was unhappy. Simple as.

The lack of love and respect for you is terrible.

And what about his for her? and for himself?

Forgive her but move on and don't lose the run of things. Keep your head together.

And learn from it..

It wasn't you that was wrong, it is the way society and life is these days. Relationships are mostly based on excitement, looks, image, materials etc and sure we all know that anything based on these don't last. I genuinely think that you cared in the right way for her but that she was easily led astray.

Do you know any women?

What you do is be strong anyway. Have no doubts that how you have acted was genuine care for her and the relationship.

Worst advice ever.

I hope you get peace, I know it can't be easy but try to stay mentally strong

Which he wil only get if he learns from this.