Ladies opinions please - No response

homerun_homer

Ok, just a little annoyed because the last while I’m back in the single scene and was glad to be gone from it while it lasted. I think Irish girls/women can be tough cookie’s to crack so have not been making too much of an effort the last while because it can be too dis-heartening.
So I go out every weekend, go to gigs and have opportunities to go chatting to girls but I leave things to chance. I never use chat up lines or any sort of cheesey talk. Last week I was introduced to 2 girls in a niteclub by a mutual friend and me and one of them got chatting for the rest of the night until her friends dragged her home. We definitely clicked in conversation and had a lot of common interests. When her friends came to take her away to head on I asked her for her number and she gave it to me. I made a wise crack when showing her back the number I typed, “So which number did you change”, just as a joke. She laughed and said “no, that’s really my number” and we kissed on the cheek as she was dragged away.
She’s not from town and mentioned early in the chat that she would be travelling home that weekend, so in my mind there was no point getting in touch to arrange anything for that weekend. I texted her by the end of the weekend and asked if she wanted to go out for a drink sometime mid-week.

No reply.

Now, what is the deal with that? I know there could be factors behind it, no credit (in this day and age of free texts with O2 and many others who’d really believe it) or whatever else. Who knows really but I know that this is a normal thing to happen, past experience and seeing it happen to others and especially reading stuff like this happening to other boardies.
Why give out a number if you are not going to reply? You could make up a white lie and say “I’m sorta seeing someone”. I’ve never done it to a girl, even people who got my number and I wasn’t interested in.
I think I am decent looking (I’m not anyway bigheaded so it sorta kills me to try flatter myself there), dress well and don’t have a BO problem (I see people ask this first in response to some of these issue – haha). So in general I don’t see what the problem is especially when you click with someone.
Irish women – can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

Curvy Vixen

When you say you texted her by the end of the weekend, seeing as how it's only Monday morning now, do you mean that she didn't text you back since yesterday

And do you have delivery reports on your phone so that you know it was delivered?

And why do you need to say 'Irish' women? i'm pretty sure that women from all nationalities do this!

Who knows if she gave you the right number or not but the best way to find out is to call. Why do people need to text so much nowadays If you want to go out with the girl, talk to her....

In answer to your question btw, I have no idea why men and women give out the wrong number instead of saying thanks but no thanks...:(

Clare Bear

She gave you her number to avoid awkwardness....

She's just not that in to you?

shellyboo

How long did you wait before texting her? A few days? That's automatic disqualification in some women's books (not mine, I hasten to add). A text the next day– 'I really enjoyed meeting you, hope we can hook up again soon' – would have been a much better plan. Shows you're keen but not too keen and that you're not playing the 'treat em mean, keep em keen' game.

homerun_homer

shellyboo wrote: »

How long did you wait before texting her? A few days? That's automatic disqualification in some women's books (not mine, I hasten to add). A text the next day– 'I really enjoyed meeting you, hope we can hook up again soon' – would have been a much better plan. Shows you're keen but not too keen and that you're not playing the 'treat em mean, keep em keen' game.

It was last week I texted. I didn't do the too keen thing of texting the next day, I've seen Swingers numberous times and know there are unwritten rules with guys when it comes to this but I just go with the flow, try not to be too keen or too distant. I know a call is a good idea but it can be embarrassing to hear it ring out and then have to follow up with a text. we are a nation of texters anyway.

When I say Irish girls I mean this on the basis of having met, chatted to and gone on dates with foreign girls - at home and abroad. Every one of them were far less difficult to deal with. On holidays a few months ago the girls me and my friend met were always open to meeting up the next day(s), hanging round and going out. In all my experience you just don't get that here. Speaking just from my own experience (and I know I'm not the only one) I've just got this ingrained into my head that typically Irish women can be tricky.
My last relationship took time to happen and when it did it was only because the girl I was mad about only got more interested when I decided not to try talk to her at a party.
I'm not trying to make a generalisation, and I know that not everyone is a bad egg. Just ranting.

shellyboo

homerun_homer wrote: »

I didn't do the too keen thing of texting the next day, I've seen Swingers numberous times and know there are unwritten rules with guys when it comes to this but I just go with the flow, try not to be too keen or too distant. I know a call is a good idea but it can be embarrassing to hear it ring out and then have to follow up with a text. we are a nation of texters anyway.

Yeah, I wouldn't say a text the next day is too keen - in fact, if I gave a guy my number and he didn't text me sometime the next day I'd think it was really rude. Like, what's the point in giving someone your number if he doesn't want to use it? Ditch the unwritten rules.

Clare Bear

Why not deal with the fact that she probably wasn't all that interested (I know she shouldn't have given you her phone number but some girls find it very awkward and don't know what to say in a situation like that) and just move on, it's been done to everyone, you only met her once, not the end of the world.

themadchef

My thoughts:

A. If she really liked you, she gave you the correct number in the hope that you would text / call. In this instance, regardless of how many days it took you to text ....she would have replied because she liked you and wanted to take it further

B. She was being polite, gave you right number and had no intention of replying and will ignore text.

C. She Gave you wrong number, not nice in my book, but again shows she's not into you.

If she's an adult, credit wouldint be an issue. She would cycly backwards to nearest shop if she had to .



Dont give it anymore energy. The chase won't be worth it.

homerun_homer

Clare Bear wrote: »

Why not deal with the fact that she probably wasn't all that interested (I know she shouldn't have given you her phone number but some girls find it very awkward and don't know what to say in a situation like that) and just move on, it's been done to everyone, you only met her once, not the end of the world.

I know - I totally agree. Believe me I've other issues to be dealing with and this is minor. I just wanted to vent because it's like the old days all over again, people haven't changed.

Clare Bear

homerun_homer wrote: »

I know - I totally agree. Believe me I've other issues to be dealing with and this is minor. I just wanted to vent because it's like the old days all over again, people haven't changed.

I know, it is a bit of a downer....you think you click and then you don't hear from her. It is crap I know It's not a nice way to be treated and she should've had the guts to just say she wasn't interested if she wasn't but it's not always the easiest thing to do. But sure you tried and don't let it put you off trying again

Wibbs

Treat this stuff as a BS detector. If she didn't get back then cool, that's her right as a free agent. OK the number thing, but as others pointed out a lot of women don't like awkward confrontation. I can see why too as a lot of blokes react badly if they're refused. I would say most women have had that so most will try to avoid that.

Be proactive yourself and send the text the next day. Forget the BS about waiting, because if that does somehow work it usually means they're into that crap too and life is waaay too short.

Also if you've found that for you "Irish women*" aren't to your taste in such things then simply go for foreign women and if an Irish woman shows up that you click with take it from there.

*Irish women are too big a group to paint with the same brush. I do get where you're coming from, but you can't tar them all. Not by a long shot.

Cmol

I'd agree with what everyones saying here about her not really being interested but I dont know if its just me but we allllll know what its like to send that txt and be waiting for the reply, I would always txt back and let them know I wasnt interested... its just common courtesy! Nobody likes to be left hanging

homerun_homer

Wibbs wrote: »

*Irish women are too big a group to paint with the same brush. I do get where you're coming from, but you can't tar them all. Not by a long shot.

I know it looks like I'm tarring everyone with the same brush and I don't mean that as I've said twice above.

It does look like I've made a big deal out of this by making a topic but it's not too big a deal for me. I won't be dwelling on it, I've got other things to be worrying about. It was just born out of frustration at a number of things.

Millie

It's the disappointment of it all though.
I know it has happened to me as well but with guys.
You think you are getting on fantastically and then all communication seizes...
it sucks.
And at this stage (being 35) I thought all this crap would be well and truely done with but I can safely say no it still continues!

Cmol

Millie wrote: »

It's the disappointment of it all though.
I know it has happened to me as well but with guys.
You think you are getting on fantastically and then all communication seizes...
it sucks.
And at this stage (being 35) I thought all this crap would be well and truely done with but I can safely say no it still continues!

God, thats so true... worst is when you go on a couple of dates, get on fantastically and then... NOTHING, its headwrecking to say the least and I'm only 21... good to know I have so many more years of this to look forward to!

OP - I know where your coming from, its the frustration more than anything that gets to you, but like you say - there's much more in life than waiting for some headwrecker to txt you back

rainbowchild

homerun_homer wrote: »

It was last week I texted. I didn't do the too keen thing of texting the next day, I've seen Swingers numberous times and know there are unwritten rules with guys when it comes to this but I just go with the flow, try not to be too keen or too distant. I know a call is a good idea but it can be embarrassing to hear it ring out and then have to follow up with a text. we are a nation of texters anyway.

When I say Irish girls I mean this on the basis of having met, chatted to and gone on dates with foreign girls - at home and abroad. Every one of them were far less difficult to deal with. On holidays a few months ago the girls me and my friend met were always open to meeting up the next day(s), hanging round and going out. In all my experience you just don't get that here. Speaking just from my own experience (and I know I'm not the only one) I've just got this ingrained into my head that typically Irish women can be tricky.
My last relationship took time to happen and when it did it was only because the girl I was mad about only got more interested when I decided not to try talk to her at a party.
I'm not trying to make a generalisation, and I know that not everyone is a bad egg. Just ranting.

I have to 2nd this: Irish girls are very difficult to deal with, wreck your head like.

homerun_homer

So Cmol is 21 - I'm 27 and Millie is 35 and nothing changes. Brilliant, good times ahead:pac:

tallaght01

homerun_homer wrote: »

So Cmol is 21 - I'm 27 and Millie is 35 and nothing changes. Brilliant, good times ahead:pac:

I'm 31, and can vouch for the lack of a "glory days" period between 27 and 35, just to fill in the gaps there :P

shellyboo

rainbowchild wrote: »

I have to 2nd this: Irish girls are very difficult to deal with, wreck your head like.

We should start timing how long every thread takes to get to this point. Like a Six Degrees of Separation thing. Sigh.

Millie

Sorry for bursting all the young one's bubbles

homerun_homer

tallaght01 wrote: »

I'm 31, and can vouch for the lack of a "glory days" period between 27 and 35, just to fill in the gaps there :P

Excellent, happy days ahead so.

Carturo

rainbowchild wrote: »

I have to 2nd this: Irish girls are very difficult to deal with, wreck your head like.

Too much work for little reward. Foreign all the way! I find foreign girls much more pleasant easy going. But not wanting to tar all Irish girls with the same brush, of course there are great ones, just not some of the ones I've met. Kind of annoying to be honest.

Cmol

Carturo wrote: »

Too much work for little reward. Foreign all the way! I find foreign girls much more pleasant easy going. But not wanting to tar all Irish girls with the same brush, of course there are great ones, just not some of the ones I've met. Kind of annoying to be honest.

Yes! I'm foreign, I rawk!

Carturo

Cmol wrote: »

Yes! I'm foreign, I rawk!

AWESOME. And I like how you spelt 'rock' 'rawk'. Now down to business. Where are you from and what kind of food do you like? :pac:

LolaDub

She likes deep fat fried kangaroo and marmite!

I'm 25 and i would say the not texting you back thing has almost stopped, or hardly happens anyhow. Although i'm finding more and more that you meet someone, get on well, have a few calls/texts back and forth and a few laughs and meet up and suddenly he gets all weird. Not weird as in running away more like they're on a massive ego trip and playing a million and one games.

Anyone else get that or is it just me?

Galvasean

shellyboo wrote: »

How long did you wait before texting her? A few days? That's automatic disqualification in some women's books

And yet in many women's book texting back the next day is automatic disqualification because it seems desperate. There should be a collective etiquette for this sort of thing..

edit: Oh yes and a lot of girls don't like it when you call them after because it puts them on the spot. They prefer the text because it a) gives them longer tothink of aresponse to put you down gently, or b) failing that, can be easily ignored altogether.

OP - If I had a euro for every time that happened. Yeah it sucks and is a big disappointment to be led on (whether intentionally or not) and then ignored. in the end all you can do is move on and try not to let it bother you.

Carturo

LolaDub wrote: »

She likes deep fat fried kangaroo and marmite!

I'm 25 and i would say the not texting you back thing has almost stopped, or hardly happens anyhow. Although i'm finding more and more that you meet someone, get on well, have a few calls/texts back and forth and a few laughs and meet up and suddenly he gets all weird. Not weird as in running away more like they're on a massive ego trip and playing a million and one games.

Anyone else get that or is it just me?

Hmmm. I wonder where she's from?! :pac:

It's not just you, I've had that aswell, but with a few girls. It doesn't bother me, it's just kinda sad really.

shellyboo

LolaDub wrote: »

She likes deep fat fried kangaroo and marmite!

I'm 25 and i would say the not texting you back thing has almost stopped, or hardly happens anyhow. Although i'm finding more and more that you meet someone, get on well, have a few calls/texts back and forth and a few laughs and meet up and suddenly he gets all weird. Not weird as in running away more like they're on a massive ego trip and playing a million and one games.

Anyone else get that or is it just me?

Me! If I hear 'let's slow things down' or 'I'm not looking for anything serious' or 'I'm not really sure what I want' ONE MORE TIME I'm gonna poke myself in the eye with a stick. I have no idea what it is... fear maybe?

Galvasean

shellyboo wrote: »

Me! If I hear 'let's slow things down' or 'I'm not looking for anything serious' or 'I'm not really sure what I want' ONE MORE TIME I'm gonna poke myself in the eye with a stick. I have no idea what it is... fear maybe?

You should poke THEM in the eye. That way when we someone with a squinty eye we'll know they are 'emotionally unavailable' at the moment.

shellyboo

Galvasean wrote: »

And yet in many women's book texting back the next day is automatic disqualification because it seems desperate. There should be a collective etiquette for this sort of thing..

The collective etitquette should be don't put up with girls who play silly text-timing games. It's pathetic.

Carturo

Galvasean wrote: »

And yet in many women's book texting back the next day is automatic disqualification because it seems desperate. There should be a collective etiquette for this sort of thing..

edit: Oh yes and a lot of girls don't like it when you call them after because it puts them on the spot. They prefer the text because it a) gives them longer tothink of aresponse to put you down gently, or b) failing that, can be easily ignored altogether.

OP - If I had a euro for every time that happened. Yeah it sucks and is a big disappointment to be led on (whether intentionally or not) and then ignored. in the end all you can do is move on and try not to let it bother you.

Have to say, I've had better luck when texting the next day...kinda keeps and gets momentum going, I've found. It depends on the girl though I think, I wouldn't text every girl the next day, it depends on how I perceive them. But yeah, there should be a collective etiquette for this. Maybe wright a book and get some sort of Government initiative behind it and post a copy to everyone house in the land. It's the only way.

shellyboo

Galvasean wrote: »

You should poke THEM in the eye. That way when we someone with a squinty eye we'll know they are 'emotionally unavailable' at the moment.

FANTASTIC. Great plan. What about some kind of brand for their forhead that says 'emotionally unavailable f.uckwit', though? That would be much more amusing.

LolaDub

It doesn't happen in the lets slow things down its just all of a sudden i've become a doll and the banter and fun is all but gone and its become ridiculous games and ego tripping.

Tbh op i've had guys sayy i turn very cold all of a sudden and they want to know why, its generally because of above or they're a complete nut case. Btw i'm not calling people nutcases lightly, if you read manukas worst date thread you'll see what qualifies someone to be a nut in my book

Carturo

shellyboo wrote: »

The collective etitquette should be don't put up with girls who play silly text-timing games. It's pathetic.

Totally. I don't play games and don't entertain girls who do...unless she wants me to chase her in which case that's obvious as opposed to being coy in a more 'I might want and I mightn't. I don't know yet'. Bye now.

Dragan

Galvasean wrote: »

And yet in many women's book texting back the next day is automatic disqualification because it seems desperate. There should be a collective etiquette for this sort of thing..

The whole point is that you eventually meet someone who's likes and dislikes around such issues match your own.

Me? I ****ing hate bull****, if i like someone i'll tell them. After that they can **** around all the like, doesn't mean i suddenly don't like them.

Galvasean

Dragan wrote: »

The whole point is that you eventually meet someone who's likes and dislikes around such issues match your own.

Thing is I don't think it's wise to decide on whether someone might be worth starting a relationship with whether he decides to text you one day or three days later.

Cmol

LolaDub wrote: »

She likes deep fat fried kangaroo and marmite!

Carturo wrote: »

Hmmm. I wonder where she's from?! :pac:

Not quite.... your close though!

LolaDub wrote: »

I'm 25 and i would say the not texting you back thing has almost stopped, or hardly happens anyhow. Although i'm finding more and more that you meet someone, get on well, have a few calls/texts back and forth and a few laughs and meet up and suddenly he gets all weird. Not weird as in running away more like they're on a massive ego trip and playing a million and one games.

Anyone else get that or is it just me?

Yep, I know exactly what you mean... especially when they sit you down and tell you they really really like you, and love spending time with you and then... NOTHING! I swear theres nothing that mess's with your head more!

shellyboo wrote: »

FANTASTIC. Great plan. What about some kind of brand for their forhead that says 'emotionally unavailable f.uckwit', though? That would be much more amusing.

Microchips!

Quick check with a scanner should reveal all realtionship historys


I dont believe in games, this whole txting one day, three days later thing annoys the BEJESUS outta me, if you both like each other what the fluck is the problem with txting the next day!

One thing that does annoy me though, is if you give someone your number and they call you straight away 'to give you their number'... yeah right, have enough faith in me that i'm not giving out fake numbers!

jellie

if she liked you shed have replied. she didnt. move on.

people complicate these things with silly games & trying to figure out the MEANING of texts etc :rolleyes:

These things should be easy - i like you, you like me, lets meet up. if its not that simple then i really could not be bothered with it.

Carturo

Cmol wrote: »

Not quite.... your close though!

Aaah!

Cmol wrote: »

Microchips!

Quick check with a scanner should reveal all realtionship historys


I dont believe in games, this whole txting one day, three days later thing annoys the BEJESUS outta me, if you both like each other what the fluck is the problem with txting the next day!

One thing that does annoy me though, is if you give someone your number and they call you straight away 'to give you their number'... yeah right, have enough faith in me that i'm not giving out fake numbers!

Yeah that's a bit sad, and kinda desperado/Luke Skywalker stuff. Microchips should check for excess baggage too.

Cianos

Saying something like 'which of the numbers did you change?' sounds like your game is off...you're showing her that you expect to be messed around, and you don't expect her to WANT to contact you. I know it may have only been a little remark, but you quoted it yourself. If that's the last thing that was in her mind as she left you for the night, I'm not too surprised she wasn't big in to getting back to you to be honest.

Dragan

Galvasean wrote: »

Thing is I don't think it's wise to decide on whether someone might be worth starting a relationship with whether he decides to text you one day or three days later.

Exactly, so if someone is going to consider that type of thing to begin with they obviously wouldn't be your type of person.

Papillon87

Cmol wrote: »

God, thats so true... worst is when you go on a couple of dates, get on fantastically and then... NOTHING, its headwrecking to say the least and I'm only 21... good to know I have so many more years of this to look forward to!

OP - I know where your coming from, its the frustration more than anything that gets to you, but like you say - there's much more in life than waiting for some headwrecker to txt you back

Singing to the choir there. Same age as you, and going through a situation like that the last while. It is a mega bummer/confidence crusher for me. Trying to just say "fup it" and forget it now.

OP, personally I'd never give out my number if I wasn't genuinely interested in a guy......and I'm very shy and don't like confrontations....but I guess (from experience on my part) I hate the thought of leading someone on/giving them the wrong idea that I'm into them if I'm not. That said, if I do like them I make no bones of telling them this......maybe that's what scares them away

And I'm Oirish!

Cmol

Carturo wrote: »

Aaah!
Yeah that's a bit sad, and kinda desperado/Luke Skywalker stuff. Microchips should check for excess baggage too.

God yeah! We could be on to something here!

shellyboo

Cmol wrote: »

God yeah! We could be on to something here!

Totally. How to get them all chipped though? Have to get them into some sort of compromising position... possibly holding them down... hmmmm....

Cmol

shellyboo wrote: »

Totally. How to get them all chipped though? Have to get them into some sort of compromising position... possibly holding them down... hmmmm....

Haha I would'nt say we would have too many problems getting them into comprimising positions!

homerun_homer

Cianos wrote: »

Saying something like 'which of the numbers did you change?' sounds like your game is off...you're showing her that you expect to be messed around, and you don't expect her to WANT to contact you. I know it may have only been a little remark, but you quoted it yourself. If that's the last thing that was in her mind as she left you for the night, I'm not too surprised she wasn't big in to getting back to you to be honest.

I knew some people would look at that comment and think it might hint at patheticness but believe me, we were having a laugh and it was said in jest and did make her laugh (with me, not at me).
As I said - I didn't create this to dwell on, just to throw my annoyance out there because me thinks this is going to be the first of many. I'm a few months out of a relationship and haven't been trying or interested at all in chatting up random people so just gonna let things fall into place.

Wibbs

sar84 wrote: »

if she liked you shed have replied. she didnt. move on.

people complicate these things with silly games & trying to figure out the MEANING of texts etc :rolleyes:

These things should be easy - i like you, you like me, lets meet up. if its not that simple then i really could not be bothered with it.

Nail on the head. Now it can be something else, like not wanting to upset someone and not having the balls to just say no, or it can be something beyond their control(met a woman years back. All went well, but her brother got sick and life got in the way etc). That can happen but some if not quite a lot do play games for various reasons, women and men. They're not worth the effort or time. I can't speak for men, but I've gone out with game playing women and have known a few through mates and every single one of them was an emotional mess. We all have baggage of some nature or other, but these types had more baggage than aer rianta on christmas eve. Major insecurity. Even if you do work through the BS and actually end up with one of these people, you're life will not be a good one from what I've seen.

John Mason

Why didnt you just phone her

text messages are for whimps.

does she have your number? if so, why are you chasing her ?

Carturo

Cmol wrote: »

Haha I would'nt say we would have too many problems getting them into comprimising positions!

Haha It would have to be sniper style. You're prospective date is walking down the road, before you talk to him/her, you give your guy the nod, she shoots a microchip into his/her necks (they'll think they stung or hit by some street shrapnel, whatever that is) and we walk behind, scan them and depending on the results, we ask them out...it's THAT easy. Gone way off topic here so a little disclaimer to say I am deadly serious and it's something the OP should consider.

Malari

sar84 wrote: »

if she liked you shed have replied. she didnt. move on.

people complicate these things with silly games & trying to figure out the MEANING of texts etc :rolleyes:

These things should be easy - i like you, you like me, lets meet up. if its not that simple then i really could not be bothered with it.

Unfortunately there are an awful lot of girls who can't make these simple decisions by themselves, and there is a text-by-conference reponse, with her friends basically analysing everything that was said before or IF she gets back to you.

I know when I got together with my boyfriend a few years ago, it was similar to your situation. I texted him back straight away though and one of my friends was SHOCKED when I told her I was going on a date, because I'd had no consultation with her before I replied!

homerun_homer

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

Why didnt you just phone her

text messages are for whimps.

does she have your number? if so, why are you chasing her ?

Burn:D
I took hers on the night and she now has mine since I texted.